Westbor-O's
Westbor-O's is a cereal produced by the GiraMills Corporation [1]. Made from 100% wheat grown by the Phelps (and is 100% American-free and fag-free), Westbor-O's are part of a complete breakfast.[2]
Westbor-O's get their name not from their shape (they are shaped like squares, not little 'o's) but from the sound people make when they place them in their mouths [3].
Westbor-O's are marketed as "The cereal that are for TRUE Christians- buy it or you're a fag and deserve to go to hell" because the cereal is marketed by the Westboro Baptist Church, which is a major hate group that hates everyone.
History[edit | edit source]
When Fred Phelps, the founder of the Westboro Baptist Church, decided to promote his ideals of homophobia and hatred by selling cereals made by wheat and corn grown by his family after discovering that the cereals they buy are American, and because God hates everyone in the world and every country except them, produced Westbor-Os. The cereal was a success. However, it was sold only in Kansas, and only under the WBC. The cereals were shaped like squares because the 'O'-shaped ones "are for faggot companies like General Mills whose employees should go to hell for faggotry, and the 'O's are the sign of anal sex and therefore a symbol of homosexuality"[4].
Since it was first introduced by GiraMills in 1983, the cereal has converted thousands of people into the Westboro Baptist Church and was the major cause of homophobia and hatred. GiraMills Corporation was later found to be a Somalia-based company, and thousands of WBC people protested outside the USA division of GiraMills, carrying slogans such as "God Hates Somalia" and "God Hates Breakfast". But in 1995, Somalia suffered from a famine in which there was a shortage of wheat and corn, so GiraMills switched to a 50% mixture of wheat with wood pulp, as the corn supplies dwindled to zero. In 2001, the WBC made a competition in which children have to cut out the picket signs on the side of the box and send it to GiraMills in order to win a prize- to be a visitor to the WBC.
The winner was a 12 year old kid from Chicago, but declined the offer and gave that to a homophobic friend instead. The Westboro Baptist Church, furious, protested.
Did you know that...[edit | edit source]
- The nutritional value of Westbor-O's contains a high amount of fibre and iron? It also has a high sugar content, so the cereal's nutritional value is equivalent to that of a piece of sugar-coated metal.
- The Westboro Baptist Church used the cereal as a means to spread hatred?
- The cereal was banned by the Southern Poverty Law Center and other organisations?
- The cereal is restricted for sale in U.S. and North Korea only, where it is sold as "Kim Jong-il's Squares"?
References[edit | edit source]
- ↑ The GiraMills Corporation is a multinational corporation based in New Australia. It is short for the Girarsol Grain Mills Corporation, and owns the Uncyclomedia Corporation.
- ↑ GiraMills Corporation reserves the right to define “complete breakfast” as including, but not limited to, diets resulting in scurvy, rickets, beriberi, extreme weight gain, dementia, extreme weight loss, male lactation, becoming a fan of Sonic the Hedgehog, AIDS, cancer, and mime.
- ↑ For instance: "Oh my God, I hate homosexuals!" or "Oh! It's burning my mouth! It's burning my mouth!"
- ↑ "Shirley Phelps-Roper's comments on our cereals and the description of the shapes made Jesus cry", says an employee of General Mills
Other GiraMills Products[edit | edit source]
