Despite the Cats That Look Like Hitler craze sweeping the interwebs these days there is no doubt the Kitler master race exists.
|Kitler hates you and Mews|
|The Holy Kitler|
|Classification||The only Cats that look like |
|Position||Führer of Germany and conqueror of France.|
|Motive||To kill all Mews|
|Born||20th April, 1889.|
|Death Date||30th April, 1945.|
Adorable little Cats aside, it is a proven fact that Kitler is out to get you.
Do I have a Kitler?
You know your cat is a Kitler when it does 2 or more of the following things.
- It Hates Americans and Brits
- Killer cats killin all humans, watch the hell out yo, it be ridiculous* It isn't home a lot
- It has small moustache
- It looks like it is Emo, which it probably is
onceALWAYS TRIED TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD
- It pisses on your sheets and lips when you're asleep
- It falls asleep on your face so often that it seems as if it is doing it on purpose, which it is!
- It signs a tweety with Pussolini
- Forces you to eat it's fecal matter (maybe urine).
- It likes little kits.
- Eats your food/ urinates on your food very often.
- has left to join the cazi/nazi.
So you have a Kitler
Don't fear, here some rules to help take care of your kitler.
- Don't let it get fat. It will hate you more if it is fat.
- Don't try to cuddle with it. It will hate you more, and you'll come out of it severely injured.
- Don't let it near the news or newspaper. It's better that you don't know why.
- Don't smile when you see it, they hate smil-smile, smile at it, anything to get you killed.
- Don't get a dog, that's the last thing you want. Especially if you wish the dog to stay alive.
- Don't let it go outside. It may never come back.
- Don't attempt to huff a Kitler! This will be disastrous for all involved.
- Don't shave it or try to dye it's hair/'tash unless you want to look like a scratching post.
- Don't let it near any Mews. Actually, scratch that one. This is usually entertaining.
- If you wish to keep your kitler alive, keep it away from the Non-Huffable Kitten at all costs!
- Pretend to enjoy cleaning out its litterbox. This will amuse it.
- If you wish to kill a Kitler, let it live for a while or get like 10 catdiers to painfully and amusingly kill it.
- Give it your food, It will like watching you eat their food. Cat food is actually tasty
- Don't get another kitten if you want it alive. Kitlers only like the orange ones and may use it for Kitten Huffing or a very useful catdier or very rarely, friend.
Kitler is internationally renowned for being a murderer of innocent Mews during WWII (Wild Warping #2). Many infamous concentration camps were established under his reign, including "Meowshwitz", where Mews were killed mercilessly. Popular methods of murder were:
- Attaching Kitler's mouth to a pipe which eventually led to hermetically sealed room, where awaited a voluminous amount of Mews; one whiff of Kitler's breath could kill all.
- Stabbation with a fang of one of his minions. These fangs are diamond hard and, again, stink like shit.
- Shooting. Nothing special about this.
Hitler phones Kitler while the last is drunk.
The future of Kitlerdom
Currently, all Kitlers are hatching a world-wide plot to resurrect the Nazi party and take over the world. If you see your kitler acting suspiciously, TURN THEM IN, and win a free t-shirt! Notably strange activity includes: Disapearing, tendency to sleep while standing up, lack of blinking and ordering yellow-cake uranium on teh interwebz