Kobe Bryant

There once was an ugly chopper

With rotors all stubby and brown

And the skeptic turds in so many words said

Quack! Get out of town

(Quack!) Get out, (Quack! Quack!) get out, (Quack! Quack!) get out of town

And he went with a dunk and a dribble and a dunk

To the Forum of Lakertown

That poor little ugly chopper

Went dribbling far and near

But at every place they said to his face, now

(Quack!) get out of here

(Quack!) get out, (Quack! Quack!) get out, (Quack! Quack!) get out of here

And he went with a dunk and a dribble and a dunk

And a very unhappy tear

All through the wintertime he hid himself away

Ashamed to show his dunk, afraid of what others might say

All through the winter in his lonely clump of clouds

Till a flock of planes spied him there and had no fucking doubt

You're a very fine plane indeed!

A plane? Me a plane? Ah, go on!

And they said yes, you're a plane

Take a look at yourself in the lake and you'll see

And he looked, and he saw, and he said

I am a plane! Whee!

I'm not such an ugly chopper

No rotors all stubby and brown

For in fact these birds in so many words said

The best in town, the best, the best

The best in town

Not a quack, not a quack, not a poser or a quack

But a glide and an air-dance and a perfect reverse dunk

And a throw so noble and high

Say who's an ugly chopper?

Not I!

Not I!

The Academy Awards Version

• Spotify link (better to watch the movie)

The Coronavirus Version

This Chinese bat gets eaten and in a month becomes more famous than Bruce Wayne.