Deandre Ayton

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Deandre Ayton stares into your soul.

Деандре Эдониллович Айтон (Deandre Edonillovich Ayton: born July 23, 1998) is an Soviet Russian professional basketball player who currently plays Center for the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Phoenix Suns of the National Basketball Association (NBA). Drafted to the NBA straight out of university, Ayton became the 1st pick of the 2018 NBA Draft and led a very successful career with the Cleveland Cavaliers. According to him, anything is possible.

Ayton's basketball nickname is "The AT Dominator", a name he lives up to, as he has a "Dominator-like" ability on the basketball court, and also to the fact that he is an incredibly mean man; Ayton has been reported and often times viewed murdering other players on the basketball court. However, no legal action has been taken because Ayton is just fucking huge. Perhaps the only thing more apparent than Ayton's physical skills are his skills in taking names.

Throughout Ayton's five years in the NBA various coaches, players, and survivalists have tried to create strategies to avoid a quick and painful death upon running into Ayton. Unfortunately, none of those strategies have proved to be conclusive and only serve to make Ayton angrier, as well as increase his insatiable bloodlust.

Ayton stepped into the Cavaliers[edit | edit source]

Ayton praying on "superstars" this time, he wasn't born, he just suddenly appeared with an insatiable bloodlust praying on "superstars", bench-players, role-players, everyone. If your name isn't Deandre Ayton, you're dead. Oh shit, man. You're going to die. You don't just step into the Cavaliers when you're up against Ayton. The Cavaliers is HIS house. That is where HE dominates.

And now he's going to dominate you. He's going to crush you, man, and honestly, there's nothing I can do about it. Please, for the sake of us all, just drop the basketball. It just looks silly now. That ball, for all its purposes, belongs to Ayton, and he's going to use it to score every point for his team. He may also use it to crack open your skull.

He can smell fear. He can smell your sissy white Nikes flopping onto that court, and he knows your fate. You're dead. He's going to crush you under his gigantic feet, drain your blood, and then drink it from his chalice as he sits on the bench and lets Osman go on the court for a minute, just for shits and giggles.

It is a well known fact that in addition to a rockin' stache, rippling muscles, and eyes like a hawk, Ayton also has sonar. So, if you think you can sneak onto HIS court, maybe get the ball from a teammate and try and go for some kind of fast break, you're very wrong.

At a whopping seven feet, one inches, Ayton is one big-ass dude. Each stride he takes with his tree trunk-like legs is like a thousand steps for a normal man. One time, Ayton challenged LeBron James to a race around the world. Ayton beat James before James could even finish lacing up his shoes. Ayton then proceeded to consume James.

But maybe you're one of the lucky guys. You managed to distract Ayton, maybe by telling him a hilarious Knock Knock Knock Joke, and you ran for it. Good for you. You're free and alive!

Oh wait. Did I mention he has fucking heat vision? Oh yeah. I forgot. You're dead, chief.

Ayton try and get suns with it[edit | edit source]

This time, Ayton going to crush you under his gigantic feet, drain your blood, and then drink it from his chalice as he sits on the bench and lets go on the court for a minute, just for shits and giggles.

In 2021 Ayton was led them to defeat Los Angeles Lakers, Denver Nuggets, Los Angeles Clippers to their third NBA Western Conference Championship in the 2020–2021 season.

The first NBA Finals by his own but lost then sweep by the Brooklyn Nets in the NBA Finals 2021 Game 4 in July 14, 2021.

Ayton going to keep you[edit | edit source]

The key to surviving an encounter with Deandre Ayton is just to avoid an encounter with Deandre Ayton. You know how they say the best place to be during a thunderstorm is in your car? Well, the best place to be in a Your Shitty Team vs. Cleveland Cavaliers game is also in your car, outside of the stadium, while Ayton slaughters your whole team. Don't feel guilty. It's called Survival of the Fittest.

Ayton sees you reading this[edit | edit source]

Oh my God. I've said too much. Quick run for it before it's too la-