The Chicago Bullshits is a six-time NBA championship team that was formed in the 1960s when Chicago decided that the White Sox couldn't draw a crowd. Prior to the Bulls' formation, all Chicago was known for was a fat bitch with a chat show who gave cars away to homeless people. After the Bullshit's formation, Chicago became famous for Michael Jordan, for whom the rest of the Bulls played.
- 1 Chicago's Original NBA Losers
- 2 Michael Jordan Era (Told you so...)
- 3 Chicago Standstill
- 4 Second Cumming Of Michael
- 5 Who is worthy of being the next ball-hog like Jordan to lead the Bullshits into the 22nd Centuary?
- 6 Team Accomplishments
- 7 Team Fuckups
- 8 Finest Bullshitters
Chicago's Original NBA Losers
Let's face it, you wanna know about Michael Jordan right? Maybe even Scottie Pippen too... am I right? The era when Peter Jackson hadn't made the Lord Of The Rim Jobs trilogy yet, and was still a successful NBA coach. You don't want to know about old hacks of the game, or that the Bullshits were once called the Chicago Fags. You don't want to know that the original Fags line-up moved to the more accepting California, and you especially don't want to know that they are better known today as the L.A Clippers.
So why would we bother to inform you about anything the Chicago NBA team did, when we know you are not even going to read this very part of the article? You'll just jump straight onto the next part about Michael-Fucking-Jordan and the winning teams of Chicago during the only time in history this team has been worth a damn.
Michael Jordan Era (Told you so...)
All Aboard, Air Jordan
When Michael Jordan was drafted to the Chicago Bulls in 1985, all of a sudden, the team didn't suck anymore. Chicago actually had something to do, apart from watching Oprah and reminiscing about the old gangsters and fires that once plagued the city a few 100 years ago. Jordan was the Savior of the Windy City, and with Air Jordan coming in to land, his huge farts made the town smell more like a worthy place to be.
It would take a couple of years for Jordan to stop hogging the ball and showing off in the air before the Bulls won an NBA championshit. Until then, spectators were given something interesting to watch as Jordan would dunk all over guys and stick his finger up at them and chant, "SUCK IT, MOTHA FUCKA" all up in their subservient faces.
Bullshits Are Just Too Good Looking
Jordan was considered early on to be too damn cute for the game, his charisma and charm was gaining too much attention that all the old skool Chicago Fags fans where starting to come back and make the current team look a little too gay. So the Bullshits enlisted the help of Scottie Pippen to even out the gay community's testosterone levels. However, after a short while, Scottie proved he was a damn good player, and we mean, for such an ugly prick, he was a REALLY fucking awesome talented basketballer. The team would have to re-think how to balance out the roster and stop gays from coming to the game and making the Bullshits seem too pretty... so they called for the help of THE ugliest motherfucker to ever play the game, Dennis Rodman. Rodman would mock the homosexual fans of Chicago by dressing up as a woman on his off days, and then doing the unspeakably gayest thing anyone could do: he joined the WCW.
Michael Jordan, The First Trilogy
Jordan managed to break all records in the NBA, including breaking Wilt Chamberlain's record of sleeping with the most women without their wife knowing about it. He also broke Magic Johnson's record of sleeping with over 100 women and not contracting the AIDS virus. This was enough to celebrate so much that Jordan lead the Bulls to the finals in 1992 against the Portland Snail-Trailers. Jordan said, "Those slippery cunts put up a hard fight, but in the end, I'm Michael Jordan, remember?"
Two Time, Two Time Champion
Jordan and his supporting cast returned the next year and ended up facing the L.A Lakers (now known as L.A Rapers since Kobe Bryant came on-board). Jordan naturally shit all over Magic Johnson and the Bullshits won their second consecutive championshit. Magic said after the final game, "Damn! It was like that fat bitch who raped me and gave me AIDS all over again", referring to when Kobe's mother raped him in the locker room and gave him AIDS.
333 Peet Peet Peet
Jordan then faced the Phoenix Bum-chums in the 93-94 NBA series. And naturally Jordan treated the Suns like his own team-mates, he refused to let Charles Barkley have the ball at all and dominated the game.
Jordan left the bulls, leaving Scottie Pippen in charge of things. Scottie wasn't worth a real damn on his own, so Michael had to come back.
Second Cumming Of Michael
Michael returned to the new and improved Chicago Balls line up. And wouldn't you know it? The mother fucker won another 3 NBA championshit's in a row... then he fucked off to Washington and the Chicago Bullshits returned to the "worthless cunts" statues they where known as in 1984 and before that.
Now that Jordan has retired from the game, the Chicago Bullshitters are just now the Chicago Shitkickers. Kicking shit around wherever they go, not worth a flying fuck to Chicago anymore.
Bulls Aint Worth a Shit Now That Jordan Is Gone, Era
Since Michael left, the Bulls dismantled and no one worth a damn was left playing for them. Dennis Rodman was killed in a wrestling accident due to internal bleeding by a wrestler that raped him in the ass too hard named Goldust who was later revealed to be played by Kobe Bryant. (Ok, enough Kobe jokes)... Scottie Pippen clicked his heels together three times and went home to the land of ugly-ass motherfuckers, Toni Q-Cock flushed himself back down the can and Blow Job Armstrong became the first nigger on the moon.... oh, and as for Luc Longley, why would you possibly give a flying fuck about him?
Chicago Shitkickers Today
Chicago is relevant again due to the leadership of future hall of famer Brian Scalabrine,
but due to the minute restriction placed on him by NBA commissioner, David Stern, the shitkickers were forced to rely on third year guard Derrick Rose.
Rose's ballhogging skills, rivaled only by past Chicago superstar Michael Jordan, lead Chicago to the NBA's best record with a 82-0 season.
Who is worthy of being the next ball-hog like Jordan
to lead the Bullshits into the 22nd Centuary?
Sorry, I said I was done with Kobe jokes... so who else is a complete ball hog then? Hmmm.... pretty much anyone who calls themselves an "Ankle breaker" like Allen Ivorson or someone like that, who wouldn't recognize a pass if it rented space up their ass, might be a good choice. Till then, the future of the Bullshits lies in the hands of a white guy with dreadlocks who plays Ronan Dex on Stargate Atlantis
In 2009, it looked like someone might step up to the plate and attempt this challenge! The bullshits enlisted the ball-hogging skills of some flower-power child named Derrick but the Bulls soon traded him off when he fucked up the 2011 NBA finals due to not informing team management he was jerking off the whole team to get them motivated before games but not washing his hands afterward. This resulted in a sticky situation where the ball would become stuck to Derricks hand, thus the glue like effect prevented his game by not allowing him to pass the ball off, shoot it straight, or successfully stuff it in a hole worthy of registering in-game points.
- NBA Champions: More times then you ever won one.
- Hired Micheal Jordan
- Let Jordan Retire
- Dennis Rodman
- Doug Collins
Players besides Michael that someone might give a rat's ass about.
We are unsure of current players names and numbers, apart from that guy from Stargate, but we don't even know his name or number, 'cause the Bulls aren't worth a shit anymore
Players Chicago Wish where Bullshitters