Spud Webb

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Spud Webb (born on July 13, 1963, in Dallas, Texas and cousin of Tom Thumb) is retired professional member of the NBA's lollipop guild. Spud was drafted into the NBA in 1985 when he came up short as the 1985-85 rookie of the year. Spud won the hearts of millions when he appeared at an All-Star game in his rookie season and spun a web between the court floor and the basketball ring. It amazed spectators that he could actually get up that high to weave his web ten feet high.

Short Comings[edit | edit source]

“When Spud dunked the ball, he looked like a midget putting a quarter in a phone!”

~ Marv Albert

Spud Webb was 1 of 7,654 children. He was born to Charlotte Whornét Webb in 1963, but was taken by the wind moments after his birth to a hawk's nest in Atlanta, GA, where he was raised and lived between 1985 to 1991.

Spudd was only a short man, growing to 4 feet 7 inches in height; but that would not stop him from dreaming big and wanting to be something bigger and better then Ben Hur.

A Little Youth Never Hurt Much[edit | edit source]

In Spud's youth, he was picked on by all the bigger kids in the playground, which was all of them. They would insult him and make fun of him for being so tiny. They would say mean things like, "Knock, Knock" - "Who's There?" - "Spud Webb" - "Spud Webb Who?" - "You know Spud Webb, the guy who knocks, because he can't reach the doorbell".

It was comments like those that inspired Spud to prove himself to the big bad world that he could do anything the bigger people in the world could do. He would cunningly think up way's to get revenge on all those who picked on him during his youth and teen years.

Spud Gets Some Big Balls[edit | edit source]

Once such time Spud remembers well, was how he got his revenge on the high school bully. "When I was 16, this guy used to pick on me for being short. So I told him I was gonna go fuck his momma. He said I was too short, the only way I could go fuck his momma was if someone put me up to it. But I had the last laugh, I put a bucket over his mommas head and swung on the handle while I fucked her. It was one of the best times of my life! I'll never forget it... and it just goes to show, just because you sometimes come off short in life, doesn't mean you Cum off short when you put your mind to it!" - Spud Webb

Small Man Struggling In The Big World[edit | edit source]

Even at an adult age, Spud sometimes still struck-out because of his height. He recalls going on his very first date: "I was around 17, and I asked this girl who was about 6'3 to go out with me. So she agreed, and on our date, I thought I was doing everything right! I charmed her, she thought I was funny, and we where really getting along. Up until she slapped me and left after we were slow dancing and just after I told her that her hair smelled nice" - Spudd Webb.

But Spud did find his true love in 1994 when he met Pearl Biokins. Pearl was 5'5, and it was love at first site for these two. When asked how he managed to court such a woman, Spud said, "I just walked right up to her and said, hey baby, wanna go have a little fuck?.

A Little B-Ball Career[edit | edit source]

Little Man Plays In The Big League[edit | edit source]

Spud was drafted by the Atlanta Hawks in 1985 during the NBA teams need for attention. Seeing as how the #1 hit show on TV was Webster, the general manager and CEO of the Hawks, Mike Fartchello, decided to hire Spud merely on his size and looking like a small young boy, Fartchello was sure this idea would be a fine attraction to his sideshow freaks.

The desicion worked, and the Atlanta Hawk's membership holders went up by 6. However when Spud entered the 1986 NBA Slam Dunk competition, boy were they in for a little surprise! At first it seemed like a joke, that a wee little man had entered the dunk contest. But boy did they show big support for the little guy when he took to the air, used his penis as a pogo stick, and slammed that basketball right through the hoop in a perfect 10/10 dunk!

Spud then backed it up with more dunks using his cock for leverage, and won the '86 Slam Dunk contest! To Celebrate, Spud spun a web between the hoop and the floor, just so the articles first entry isn't completely forgotten about.

Spud vs Mugsey Bouges[edit | edit source]

In 1987 the NBA drafted in a man even smaller then Spud! Spud was no longer the shortest NBA Munchkin in history! In fact, Mugsey didn't even classify as a dwarf, he was more the size of a guy that poses on top of trophies! Mugsey couldn't spin a 10 foot web, nor was he that much of an offensive player, but at least Spud now had competition he could look eye to eye with.

Unfortunately, nothing ever happened between the two... no rivalry, no bad blood, no nasty sex stories, no rape allegations. Nothing!

Short Comings[edit | edit source]

In 1991 Spud was sent to Sacramento to star for them as the Kings, but he really came up short as anything but a tiny bit of attention for the team, so he was traded back to Atlanta in 1995 in exchange for a towel boy and a tube of lip gloss.

Retirement As Mayor Of from Munchkin Atlanta City[edit | edit source]

In 1996 Spud decided it was time to hang up his boots from the game. Unfortunately, he couldn't reach the hook in his locker to place the shoes on. So he spent 2 years trying to jump up to his locker in the locker room of the Minnesota Timber-wolves. Then in 1998 he met a magician from Orlando who helped him reach heights he had only dreamed about, and finally hung those shoes in that locker.

Life After The Big League[edit | edit source]

After Spuds retirement from the NBA, he was offered a job as Mayor of Munchkin City... dude, you already did that in the last subjects header... pick something else.... ok, take two).... After Spuds retirement from the NBA, he became the head coach of a little league baseball club ...(dont you think you've done enough midget jokes, the guy was 5'7, he wasn't that small... ok, take 3) ... After the NBA, the little fucker... (take 4) ... After Spuds career in the NBA, he was offered a job. The End.

See Also[edit | edit source]