NBA 2K (series)
NBA 2K is a popular video game available for download on the XBOX 360 video game console. It is based off a Mesoamerican Ball Game often played by the ancient Mayans to decide what tribe member would be sacrificed that night. 2k has been a popular outlet for teenagers since the turn of the 17th century. The owner and founder of the 2k company is Joseph Stalin.
Manufacturing Information[edit | edit source]
The game is manufactured by Oompa Loompas in a factory inside Dracula's Castle in Transylvania, Compton. The Oompa Loompa's piece together the game on an assembly line while singing songs from the Broadway musical, Mama Mia. Over 3.2 billion copies are produced each year and over 37,000 are sold worldwide. Stalin and his associates make a profit from these astounding sales numbers due to the fact that the game is made solely from led paint which is a relatively cheap resource. Once the Oompa Loompa's have pieced together the conudrum that is the NBA 2k video game by means of assembly line, the game is sent to a meat locker where it is stored for three fortnights in rigorous conditions of two degrees kelvin.
Controversy[edit | edit source]
Stalin has made claims in recent interviews that his Oompa Loompa's are not mistreated but Time Magazine has published an article claiming that over 700 Oompa Loompas have died in the line of duty due to poor working conditions, and Shingles. When asked by a reporter from Seventeen Magazine what he feeds his Oompa Loompas Stalin responded "Rocks, but they are good rocks." Stalin was brought up on charges of Mistreatment of Workers in 2007 but was deemed innocent by a carefully selected jury of Ronald McDonald, Raven Symone, Sir Mix-A-Lot, and the cast members of Happy Days. Because of the results of this court case, the Oompa Loompas formed their own union. Upon the forming of this union Stalin grew nervous because he realized that he now had to pay his Oompa Loompa workers in useful, Transylvanian currency instead of goat food. "We don't even know what to do with it, we aren't even goats." -Boo Radley, Oompa Loompa on being paid in goat food. Stalin grew to a very stressed state and began to do illicit drugs. When asked by reporters if he had "Popped any Mollys" Stalin responded "I'm sweatin'"
Side Effects[edit | edit source]
Playing 2k can have some side effects, common side effects include
- Shingles
- Turf Toe
- Tennis Elbow
- Super Shingles
- Dysentery
- Swimmer's Ear
- Suicidal Thoughts
- Curler's Esophagus
If you experience any of these side effects while playing NBA 2k you should contact your dental hygenist immediately.
Gameplay[edit | edit source]
NBA 2k has two game modes:
- Exhibition is a game mode in which you and a friend or you and the cpu can have a friendly game between two NBA teams.
- Cage Match is a game mode for the more experienced 2k gamer. Teams are pit against eachother in a no holds barred fight to the death within a 40 x 40 yard steel cage. Each team is provided with one axe, one can of mace, 2 walkie talkies, and a cardboard box filled with the teams choice of processed deli meats.
NBA 2K Cover Athlete[edit | edit source]
PlayStation®2[edit | edit source]
2001: Allen Iverson[edit | edit source]
2002: Allen Iverson[edit | edit source]
2003: Allen Iverson[edit | edit source]
2004: Allen Iverson[edit | edit source]
2005: Ben Wallace[edit | edit source]
2006: Shaquille O'Neal[edit | edit source]
2007: Shaquille O'Neal[edit | edit source]
PlayStation®3[edit | edit source]
2008: Ben Gordon[edit | edit source]
2009: Kevin Garnett[edit | edit source]
2010: Kevin Garnett[edit | edit source]
2011: Michael Jordan[edit | edit source]
2012: Michael Jordan[edit | edit source]
2013: Kevin Durant[edit | edit source]
PlayStation®4[edit | edit source]
2014: LeBron James Sr.[edit | edit source]
2015: Kevin Durant[edit | edit source]
2016: Joe Alexander[edit | edit source]
2017: Paul George[edit | edit source]
PlayStation®5[edit | edit source]
2018: Aleksei Mendeleevskiy[edit | edit source]
2019: LeBron James Sr.[edit | edit source]
2020: Anthony Davis[edit | edit source]
2021: Kobe Bryant[edit | edit source]
2022: Luka Doncic[edit | edit source]
2023: Michael Jordan[edit | edit source]
2024: Kobe Bryant[edit | edit source]
Television[edit | edit source]
During production of the most recent 2k game, The History Channel came to film a documentary on the success of the 2k franchise, or so they told Stalin. The History Channel obtained hours of footage that contained Oompa Loompas manufacturing games with led paint. They titled the movie "Big Trouble in Little Transylvania: Led Paint". Once the public received notice that the game that parents had been buying their children for years was made up of led paint, there was mass confusion. Many said it was impossible for a fully functional video game to only be made of led paint. "It's possible" says astrophysicist Boyd "Hoss" Levinsworth from DeVry University. When the media asked Stalin if he knew that led paint was dangerous he said "No." Many parents wrote Stalin strongly worded letters that he took "very seriously". When Stalin was asked if he would stop making the game out of led paint he said "Ok".
The NBA's take on the game[edit | edit source]
When NBA commisioner Sarah Palin was asked what she thought of the game she said it was a "Slanderous and mean representation" of the NBA. It later surfaced that Sarah Palin's actual response to the question was "The game is bad don'cha'know". There were several suspicions regarding the legitimacy of her first statement leading up to the discovery of her real statement because the word "slanderous" seemed to be too big of a word for Sarah's usage.
Glitches[edit | edit source]
2k has reportedly had many glitches that have been encountered by players and reported to the 2k company. "I was just playing the game like usual, going off with Brian Scalabrine, I believe I had about 40 points with him infact, when my XBOX just grew human appendages and walked through my wall like the fuckin' Kool-Aid man." says NBA 2k player Burt Reynolds. Several similar experiences have been reported.
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| Organizations | NBA • WNBA • XBA |
| Players | Kareem Abdul-Jabbar • Deandre Ayton • Charles Barkley • Larry Bird • Kobe Bryant • Wilt Chamberlain • Kevin Garnett • Phil Jackson • Jerome James • LeBron James Jr. • LeBron James Sr. • Magic Johnson • Michael Jordan • Jeremy Lin • Aleksei Mendeleevskiy • Dikembe Mutombo • Shaquille O'Neal • Terrell Owens • Scottie Pippen • Willis Reed • Dennis Rodman • Brian Scalabrine • Dwyane Wade • Spud Webb • Delonte West |
| Teams | Boston Celtics • Brooklyn Nets • Chicago Bulls • Dallas Mavericks • Los Angeles Clippers • Los Angeles Lakers • Milwaukee Bucks • New York Knicks • Philadelphia 76ers • Portland Trail Blazers • San Antonio Spurs • Washington Wizards |
| Events | NBA Jam • Space Jam |
| Misc. | Basketball hoops • NBA 2K • Stephen A. Smith |