Seven of Nine

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I am Seven of Nine. Lower your pants and surrender your dicks. Resistance is futile.

“I have to say. I didn't really like the jumpsuits. She should get into an official Starfleet uniform.”

~ A Random Gay Starfleet Officer on Seven of Nine

“I didn't know the Borg used THAT kind of implant! ”

~ Oscar Wilde on Seven of Nine

“She can make me practice Punishment Protocol 9-Alpha anyday”

~ Everybody on Seven of Nine

Seven of Nine (or Seven if excessive use of numbers make you nauseous) was an ex-Borg hooker drone who happened upon the USS Voyager when her Cube ship bailed on her and her unimatrix. Upon discovering her, the crew of Voyager did their best to de-assimilate her and dissect her from the Borg collective. Seven was generally emo about this and threw a few temper tantrums, but calmed down a bit once all her hair grew back and she was given an assortment of jumpsuits to wear to show off her massive fuckable tits.

Origin[edit | edit source]

Seven of Nine's original name was Annika Hanson, the younger sister of the famed Hanson trio. During the return trip from a fishing expedition with her brothers in a transwarp corridor, her ship was ambushed and boarded by a Borg Cube ship. Tragically Thankfully, her three brothers were killed in the attack, whilst Annika managed to survive, only to be assimilated by the Borg when they found her under the bed holding onto her blanket and crying: "RIPLEEEEEEY... RIPLEEEEEEEY..."

Seven served aboard a Cube ship for 20 years as a child labourer, and later an adult entertainer until being discovered by the Voyager crew. She was immediately given a job as an adult entertainer in the Mess Hall.

Personality[edit | edit source]

Your primitive table-pong game is flawed and irrelevant. You will terminate this method of entertainment immediately (Tom Paris's erection has been photoshopped out.)

Being part of the Borg Collective for the majority of her life, Seven still carries most of the traits of a Borg drone, such as her use of the words "Irrelevant", "Comply", and "Elaborate." She still has to regenerate from time to time in her alcove, and sleeps standing up, much like a Conehead would. In compliance with general aesthetics, she has the remnants of her Borg implants in all the right places so that she still looks good.

Seven can come off as a stone cold bitch sometimes. 20 years in the Borg Collective can do that to a woman.

During the final episodes of Voyager, Seven realizes that the crew as a whole might not make it back to Earth after all, and starts desperately shacking up with Chakotay. Unfortunately for him, Seven was assimilated when she was a six year old and thus has no desire for sex, or, shall we say, any experience in this area. This just goes to prove that Chakotay is either inhumanely patient, or that he has enough libido to attract the sexual attention of a six year old (more likely the second one). In all honesty, he probably just feels damn lucky to be banging the hottest member of the crew.

She mostly comes at night - mostly.

Green Berets[edit | edit source]

Seven of Nine, tending to the Captain's Bun.

For privacy reasons, Starfleet medics won't explain why her conquests are commonly called "Green Berets", but some hints may be inferred from their famous theme song.

Silver nipples, on her breasts
Silver eye-piece, and silver bush
Her silver ass-hole, farts a diesel fume
But there's nothin' wrong, with her silver womb

I never should - have done her wrong
But in every man born - is a cheatin' dog
But a Borg has sensors - in the back of her head
Now her cold steel heart - wants me stone cold dead

I fled to Klingon, in a shuttle-craft
Crossed the Tethys Ocean, in a rubber raft
But all the while, there were nano-drones
Tracking nano-bots, sunk in my cojones

Now my roving tool's - back in it's assigned place
Siring baby Borg-lings, of Seven's race
Assimilated - to a handsome Borg
My roving tool - will roam no more

If there's a lesson - to take from this
Beware of spy-ware, with every kiss
Check for Trojans - on each down-load
Or you may need... a brand new choad!