Seven of Nine
“I didn’t know the Borg used THAT kind of implant!”
“I have to say ... she needs an official Starfleet uniform.”
“She can make me practice Punishment Protocol Alpha any day!”
Seven of Nine (or Seven if excessive use of numbers make you nauseous) is an ex-Borg hooker drone who happened upon the USS Voyager when a Cube ship bailed on her and her unimatrix. Voyager's crew did their best to un-assimilate her from the Collective, but Seven was generally emo about it and threw a few temper tantrums. Once all her hair grew back, she was fine.
Origin[edit | edit source]
Seven of Nine's original name was Annika Hanson, the younger sister of the famed Hanson trio. During the return trip from a fishing expedition with her brothers in a transwarp corridor, her ship was ambushed and boarded by a Borg Cube ship. The three brothers were killed whilst Annika managed to survive, only to be assimilated by the Borg when they found her under the bed holding onto her blanket and crying: "RIPLEEE ..."
Seven served aboard a Cube ship for twenty years as a child labourer, and later an adult entertainer. Voyager hired her immediately.
Personality[edit | edit source]
Being part of the Borg Collective for the majority of her life, Seven still uses many of their vocabules such as irrelevant, comply, elaborate (eh LAB burr RATE), and resistance (FEW tile). She still has to regenerate from time to time in her alcove (sleep standing up), as would any conehead. In compliance with general aesthetics, she has the remnants of her Borg implants in all the right places so that she still looks good.
Seven can come off as a stone-cold bitch sometimes. Twenty years in the Collective can do that to a woman.
During the final episodes of Voyager, Seven realizes that the crew as a whole might not make it back to Earth after all, and starts desperately shacking up with Chakotay. Unfortunately for him, Seven was assimilated when she was a six-year-old and thus has no desire for sex, or, shall we say, any experience in this area. This just goes to prove that Chakotay is either inhumanely patient, or that he has enough libido to attract the sexual attention of a six-year-old (more likely the second one). In all honesty, he probably just feels damn lucky to be banging the hottest member of the crew.
She mostly comes at night – mostly.
Green Berets[edit | edit source]
For privacy reasons, Starfleet medics won't explain why her conquests are commonly called "Green Berets", but some hints may be inferred from their famous theme song.
Silver nipples on her breasts
Silver eyepiece and silver bush
Her silver asshole farts a diesel fume
But there's nothin' wrong with her silver womb
I never should have done her wrong
But in every man born is a cheatin' dog
But a Borg has sensors in the back of her head
Now her cold steel heart wants me stone cold dead
I fled to Klingon in a shuttlecraft
Crossed the Tethys Ocean in a rubber raft
But all the while there were nanodrones
Tracking nanobots sunk in my cojones
Now my roving tool's back in its assigned place
Siring baby Borglings of Seven's race
Assimilated to a handsome Borg
My roving tool will roam no more
If there's a lesson to take from this
Beware of spyware with every kiss
Check for Trojans on each download
Or you may need a brand new choad!
