Cypress Hill

“We love our Mary Jane”

– The people of Cypress Hill

“We love our people”

– Mary Jane on Cypress Hill

Cypress Hill is a hill in southern Nicaragua ran by woman President Mary Jane. It is mostly populated by strange, post adolescent males. These people, called Cypressians, fought for independence from Nicaragua and won. Cypress Hill is now it's own country. Some of these people are also abnormally fat and stupid, due to the diet that they are forced to stick to on the Hill.

Geography

Cypress Hill currently stands at 455,667,234 cm high, from just above sea level. The peak is at times during the winter coated in snow and marijuana, and somewhat unusually during this time, it attracts a large gathering of marijuana geese. Despite being officially part of Nicaragua, the people there, along with the neighboring clan Public Enemy have declared it a separate state, with their own laws, including the legalization of marijuana and other trippy drugs like meth, amphetamine, and methamphetamine, and alcohol. The laws goes on to state that the police should be fucked and the system fought. The people of Cypress Hill are still in a vicious legal battle with the Nicaraguan Government So much as to unattach their hill from the country and float into the sea where they are collected by The Crew and distributed to the people in the form of marijuana.

Vegetation

Marijuana is the only major plant which grows in the soil of the hill. Which consists mostly of skulls and bones. For this reason it is used among others as food, drink, paint and toilet paper. Also the crime rate is very low because all criminals and raiders are always stoned (the stones aren't actual stones but skulls stuffed with marijuana). The official Cypress Hill national anthem discusses these issues. Cypress Hill is home to the densest marijuana jungles in the world. The countries leaders report that there are at least 1 missing people in the jungles. A missing gay mexican jew with a hat named Alexandro Braunstein was reported missing last Saturday. Not a single attempt to search for it/him was executed because nobody cares about a missing gay hermaphrodite mexican jew with a hat.

Marijuana isn't the only plant growing on The Hill man. Peyote Cactus is reported to grow as well. It is reported that for every marijuana plant there is an actual peyote cactus ready to mate with its partner. Once the peyote pair up they are mates for life. The peyote spends most of its time underground. Mating. Sex

Also illegally native to Cypress Hill are illegally illegal opium illegal poppies, illegal jimson weed, and illegally rolling meth labs complete with illegal tweakers. These illegal plants are illegally evil, and are illegally seen by the illegal people of Cypress Hill as illegally laborous and illegally intensive illegal work, and nobody should illegally work illegally while illegally high illegally on these illegally illegal plants. These illegal plants are usually illegally confiscated illegally by The Crew and illegally distributed to the illegal people, illegally of course.

The best strain of marijuana that grows on Cypress Hill is the Panama Red-Blueberry-Purple-Kush-Kush-Green Crack Haze. Panama Red-Blueberry-Purple-Kush-Kush-Green Crack Haze is so popular on cypress hill that it was made legal in 1937 by the People's Army. This strain of marijuana is often confiscated by The Crew and distributed to the people.

Demographics

A typical stoner in the vast marijuana jungles of Cypress Hill

Most habitants of the hill are Insane in the Membrane. But they are not very sane. Barack Obama (the leader of Al-Qaeda) and Osama-bin-laden (the leader of the United States) support the drug reform policies of cypress hill. There are over 200 million Al Qaeda Chicken restaurants in Cypress Hill, which is the basis of their economy.

Due to the increased amount of THC everything feels better in Cypress Hill. Sex feels better, cocaine feels better, even those long business trips are better in Cypress Hill. It just makes everything just great man. It really does.

But there are better drugs than marijuana. Like methamphetamine. A pot high feels good. But a meth high feels extremely good. Which means it should be safer than pot. Pot is the same thing as weed. Weed is the same thing as reefer. Reefer is the same thing as marijuana. Wait! That's not funny it's just boring.

The pop of the clique is Al-Qaeda. The population mainly consists of post-adolescent males, most of whom are stoners, tweakers ,junkies and smack heads. Some of these people are also abnormally fat and skinny, due to the diet that they are forced to stick to on the Hill. The only fruit or vegetable that grows are the snozzcumbers (Of Roald Dahl's The BFG), which taste vile on their own, but when deep fried with the fat from a cow, are delicious as hell. The snozzcumber grows on the bong tree. They enjoy watching the view they have from the Hill. These people are confiscated by The Crew and distributed to the people.

Religion

Cypress Hill's religion is run by "The Crew", as they like to be known. Although most residents of Cypress Hill are Rastafari or Jews, there is indeed a mix of religions on The Hill. There are four of them and they are also musicians, with bong hits such as "Lowrider" and "Hits From The Bong". These songs are very important to the religion, like scrolls are to Jews, and like Jihad is important to Terrorism. Their religion requires them to celebrate the Black Sunday. The ceremony is held every Thursday at exactly 12:00AM. Confused? It is said that their religion incorporates Judeo-Christian values. They obey the One Commandment which says: " Everybody is a sinner. Sinners must get stoned. Everybody must get stoned".

Politics

The population of the State the local government and the bicameral legislature are governed by The Crew and distributed to the people. Marijuana is seen as a very useful plant that must be controlled and regulated by The Crew and distributed to the people. The Crew released information to the people about housing Osama and other terrorists and terrorist groups as part of a community kindness, and favor for bombing. Al Qaeda Chicken is the largest company based on the Hill. The Crew collects chickens from their pot farm and distributes them equally to the people in the form of marijuana.

Police force

A Cypress Hill Patrol car. Notice the similarities between a California Highway Patrol car

The police force in Cypress Hill are referred to as pigs, porks, punks, or dumbasses. There main weapons are magnums and RPGs. They are usually stolen or confiscated by The Crew and distributed to the people. The pigs are important to the economy of the state as they are the number 1 most important export in the state. Similar to the snozzcumbers, the pigs of the state are vile and disgusting when raw (just as you'd expect). But when deep fried with the fat from a cow are delicious as hell. The pigs are usually killed and cooked on a fire set by The Crew. Some say these pigs are so delicious, that even Hitler and his Hitler Melons love them to death. Even Stalin, and CaptainObvious enjoy a nice Cypress Hill branded pig. They are such a valuable export that people would immigrate to North Korea for just one taste of these delicious pigs. There are illegal pigs living in the state. These pigs usually are too fat and sober to care about anything. These pigs are usually roasted and collected by The Crew and distributed to the people.

Even though these pigs are totally evil right down to the core. They can still live a happy and meaningful life, despite being a fucking cop they are still delicious. Some pigs are tortured to death, and then roasted by The Crew and distributed to the people. If you see a pig on the streets of The Hill, you are required by law to make an insult to the pig, kill the pig, send the body of the pig to The Crew where it will then be roasted and distributed to the people.

Economy

Drugs

Cypress Hill has many legalized drugs (or maybe they are all legalized). This has caused mass panic, as everyone wants to live on a tiny hill in the middle of the ocean so they can legally get high on illegal drugs. Thousands from USA fled to visit the vast wilderness of this tiny hill (and a freak of nature I might add). Sarah Palin even reserved a reservation at the grand meeting of the Mess Hall. The Crew is responsible for maintaining and taxing all drugs, except Meth. Like totally man. Peace.

Marijuana is grown outside or inside with hydro. The currency of the Hill is measured in marijuanas and bongs from the bong tree. and the Hill's mint and bank is run by Doctor Greenthumb. Doctor Greenthumb promotes his Sizzlean Screens, which covers marijuana crops over the entire country from Nicaraguan and international police. Marijuana flowers are usually confiscated by The Crew and distributed to the people.

Since the 1930's, The Crew and The State regulate all marijuana crops, and distribute them to the people, equally and fairly; because of the governments philosophy "Everybody Must Get Stoned".