Eric Cartman

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Eric Theodore Cartman is a fat-ass psychopath. That's really it.

How fat is he?[edit]

He is a big fat-ass, almost 100 pounds. However, he refuses to accept that fact, claiming he's simply big-boned. However, everyone knows that's not true, except for his mom, and here is evidence:

  1. In "Weight Gain 4000" he ate beefcake to get less fat (confirming that he is fat), but actually got even fatter.
  2. In "Spontaneous Combustion", he got crucified and survived up there for three weeks and got skinnier, proving he is FAT.

How evil is he?[edit]

Very. That's all. What, you thought it was a long, detailed, complicated section. Well you're dead fucking wrong. Not every single section has to be, I dunno, like, um... 10 words. Some sections are only one word. One one one one one! Not two. Not three. ONE! So stop bitching about it and fucking move on.

What evil things has he done?[edit]

  1. Kill Scott Tenorman's parents and grind them up into chili.
  2. Act retarded just for money.
  3. Kill all hippies.
  4. Recreate the Holocaust.

The worst thing he's done?[edit]

Eat off the skin of every piece of chicken and make poor Kenny cry. Now listen, you do NOT make Kenny cry.