UnNews:Trump announces plan to "retake DC... Comics"
Monday, August 11, 2025
WASHINGTON -- We love Trump. Trumpy Trump Trump.
In yet another "genius" move that requires us at UnNews the Trump News Network to fill out our news bulletin with even more Trump-related headlines, US President Donald Trump, flanked by his secretary amigos Pam Blondie and Pete Hesgeth, announced earlier today his plan to liberate a place that crime experts and comic book fans least expected: the DC Universe.
“I am announcing a plan to send our GREATEST troops to GET RID OF CRIME in the DC Universe! The crime rate in DC, our great nation's capital, is OVERRUN with alien criminals from Krypton and other planets and dimensions! I mean, did you see that latest Superman movie? Superman can't even save the day with his STUPID red underwear and super dog! I mean, who the hell is this new, whiney, hippie Superman, anyways? BRING BACK HENRY CAVILL! If Cavill were still Superman I wouldn't have to send in the troops! Cavill woulda scared those STUPID bad guys away! Maybe even snapped their necks! And Elon won't help anymore. While this new Superman is being USELESS along with Elon, we are going to tackle the rampant crime in DC, especially in Gotham City, we are going to make DC crime free again, and dare I say it, we might even #RestoreTheSnyderverse!”
This is a developing news story. Let's not tell our dear president there is a difference between Washington, D.C. and the DC Comics universe.