UnNews:Leather pants found at Newton John home

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

20 August 2013

You'd better keep up, 'cos she needs a man (with a law degree).

Police have discovered a pair of tight black leather pants at Olivia Newton John's home, where a 42-year-old contractor was found shot dead.

The pants, with their minuscule waist, are said to have caused great concern amongst officers. One, who asked not to be named, told us, "I've got chills - they're multiplying."

Newton-John has not yet been arrested, but rumors are rife this is the latest violent crime resulting from the gang war between The T-Birds and the Scorpions.

A youngster in the neighborhood told UnNews, "There's this dude called Leo, and another guy called Kenickie, and they had this argument the other day, and they were gonna like race each other. But then Putzie knocked Kenickie out, and Danny ended up racing for the T-Birds and he won, and Sandy was so impressed, she took him back to her million-dollar home where she was having a new kitchen put in. That's all I know. You said something about some free cancer sticks?"

Meanwhile, Newton-John's defense lawyer is taking no chances. Johnny Cochran told a press conference, "If the pants don't fit, you must acquit."

Sources

• Leverage, "Man found dead at Olivia Newton-John's home" USA Today, Augst 21, 2013