Babur
 |
This page may contain varying levels of haram and is likely to displease Allah. If you must stay halal, click here. For more info, click here and scroll down to the bottom of the page. |
| Babur | |||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Ghazi | |||||||||
 Idealized portrait of Babur, early 17th century | |||||||||
| Mughal Emperor (Padishah) | |||||||||
| Reign | 20 April 1526 – 26 December 1530 | ||||||||
| Predecessor | Ibrahim Lodhi (as sultan of Delhi) | ||||||||
| Successor | Humayun | ||||||||
| Amir of Kabul | |||||||||
| Reign | 1504–1526 | ||||||||
| Predecessor | Mukin Begh | ||||||||
| Successor | Himself as the Mughal Emperor | ||||||||
| Amir of Ferghana | |||||||||
| Reign | 10 June 1494–1497 | ||||||||
| Predecessor | Umar Sheikh Mirza | ||||||||
| Born |
| ||||||||
| Died |
| ||||||||
| Burial |
| ||||||||
| |||||||||
| House | House of Babur | ||||||||
| Dynasty | Timurid dynasty | ||||||||
| Father | Umar Shaikh Mirza II | ||||||||
| Mother | Qutlugh Nigar Khanum | ||||||||
| Religion | Sunni Islam | ||||||||
Babur (pronounced: Babooooor) was a Turkic Muslim man who was hungry for power and little boys to rape.
Childhood[edit | edit source]
Babur was born as Zahīr ud-Dīn Muhammad in present-day Uzbekistan and he became a warlord at a young age, albeit one of the homosexual variety. Babur happened to be born on Valentine's Day, and this love would be reflected in his love for boys.
Ancestry[edit | edit source]
Babur was a descendant of Timur (the handicapped) on his father's side and Genghis Khan on his mother's side. This may have influenced his peculiar proclivities.
Jelousy[edit | edit source]
One summer day, another Muslim warlord stole Babur's sister and had sex with her, which deeply offended Babur. This resulted in Babur desiring more conquests to even out his ego.
The Invasion of India[edit | edit source]
In 1526, Babur decided to invade India after buying a few elephants from the Bazaar in Kabul (like a 7/11 for that time). Babur also armed his soldiers with muskets, a long gun evolved from the Mongolian Empire's days. Around this time Babur met a young Afghan boy named Baburi. Baburi would accompany Babur as his sex slave, taking it up the ass at Babur's will. Babur was clearly a sexual deviant, and this deviance would pass on to Babur's miraculous offspring (Babur didn't like women so in order to procreate he would have sex with his wife while a little boy sits naked next to him).
“In those leisurely days I discovered in myself a strange inclination….. I am maddened and afflicted myself for a boy in the camp-bazar, his very name, Baburi, fitting in. Up till then I had had no inclination for any-one,indeed of love and desire, either by hear-say or experience, I had not heard, I had not talked. From time to time Baburi used to come to my presence but out of modesty and bashfulness, I could never look straight at him; how then could I make conversation (ikhtildt) and recital (hikdyat)? In my joy and agitation I could not thank him (for coming); how was it possible for me to reproach him with going away? What power had I to command the duty of service to myself? One day, during that time of desire and passion when I was going with companions along a lane and suddenly met him face to face, I got into such a state of confusion that I almost went right off. To look straight at him or to put words together was impossible. With a hundred torments and shames, I went on to seduce him.”
Off Babur went. He went to Panipat, that is, and he faced a brave army of Rajputs who would soon be slaughtered, along with half of Babur's men but why should he care?
The Mughal Emperor[edit | edit source]
After the battle, Babur launched a project known as the Mughal Empire. This would go on to last centuries, until the Marathas and British would destroy it.
The Miracle[edit | edit source]
Like it's been said earlier, it truly was a miracle that Babur was able to have children. His homosexuality was out of control, and his heterosexuality was almost non-existent. Baburi, as well as other little boys, helped Babur get erections which he would then use to somehow go inside women. This way, he could have offspring. The miracle baby was Humayun. This is not to be confused with Hanuman! They are two completely different things! Humayun would go on to become the next Mughal emperor.
The Masjid[edit | edit source]
Babur loved Baburi so much that he decided to build a mosque in his name. This would be called Babri Masjid, and it would become a beacon of LGBT history and tradition. See, Babur was also kind of an asshole. He didn't just want to build the Babri Masjid, but also he wanted to destroy the Hindu temple underneath. This displeased Ganesha the elephant and in 1992, angry Hindus would destroy Babri Masjid as payback.
Links[edit | edit source]
 | This article needs to be grown
|
|
A nation united by virtually nothing, except perhaps Ganesha's wrinkly elephant arse
|
|
| States: East Bengal • Kashmir • Kerala • Maharashtra • Nepal • Tibet • Tulu Nadu | ||
| Cities: Bangalore • Chandigarh • Delhi • Kolkata • Pune • Thiruvananthapuram | ||
| Religions: Buddhism • Hinduism • Islam • Tantra • Zoroastrianism • Sikhism | ||
| Funny guys: Babur • Barkha Dutt • Shivaji • Mohandas Gandhi • Rudyard Kipling • Dalai Lama • K. Padmarajan • Nathuram Godse | ||
| A zoo-full of deities: Allah • Ganesha • Hanuman • Kali • Shivaji | ||
| Languages: Engrish • Hindi • Sanskrit • Telugu • Urdu | ||
| Other stuffs: Bhagavad-gita • Bollywood • Cricket • Curry • ChuChu TV • Football • Hippies • Jat • Mango • Mughal Empire • Rajput • Ramayana • Rock • ₹ • Taj Mahal • Turban • Urumi • VJTI |