Jat people

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Stop hand.png Warning!
This article was written by a Jat with a doctorate in English. Do not attempt teaching English Him!
Thank you.
JAT - Just Avoid Them

Oscar Wilde on Jats

Jats
Significant populations in: Northern India, West Northern India (a li'l left and down -- yup u got it!),
Language Punjabi and its dialects, Pakistani, Telepathy, Bunty and Babli, "No sindhi, No gujrati, sirf Jatki"
Religion Animism, Hinduism, Crazy Wild Dancing Muslimism (i.e. Sufi),Revert Revert Forced Muslimism,Hang It Allism, Thus Sikhism, Now Peaceism

Bouncywikilogo.gif

For the uncouth among us who choose lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Jat people.

The Jat people (Hindi: जाट Jāṭ, Punjabi: ਜੱਟ Jaṭṭ and sometimes known as jhaat ke Baal (penis hairs) are a ethnic group believed to have originated from pubic hairs native to the the world because everysingle person is a jhaat!.

The Jats are Aryans and, like all Aryans, originated in India. About 8 million Jats live in the Indian state of Haryana. Jat, pronounced (...er, this is tough...), "Jut" in Bollywood, "Jaat" in Haryana, "Whaat?" in Bihar, "Sikh" in Punjab, "Brigadier/colonel/lieutenant/armywala" in Pakistan, "Yahya Khan" in Bangladesh (they realized later on that he was actually Pashtun but it didn't make a difference since every single person is a jhaat!), "Pakistani" in Abaad Kashmir, "Indian" in Barbaad Kashmir, "Gadha" in Jataka tales, and "Crazy foreigner" everywhere else, is a word with a complex etymology but entirely obvious meanings.

They are an extremely humble, docile, group of people, known for their intellectual prowess and quiet nature. However, despite this, every great person who has ever lived has turned out to be a Jat. Unbelievable as such a claim as this seems, you only need to ask any Jat, or read any book written by a Jat to see that this is true.

Some famous Jats include Alexander the Great, William the Conqueror, Genghis Khan, Charlemagne, Shakespeare, Einstein, Napoleon, Superman, Ramesses II, Optimus Prime, Ozymandias, King Arthur, Yoda, Indiana Jones and Morpheus, and anyone whose ever been in a fight and won,(Hitler was also a jat but we dont count him as he lost in war) .

Whilst their origin is disputed by many "reputable" sources such as western scholars and modern factual evidence, they are actually descended from a race of super-powerful, warlike demi-gods who destroyed anything that crossed their path without even breaking a sweat, and who could travel through time and divide by zero, and who created the universe itself. Again, read any book written by a Jat to see that these claims are indeed, true.

Jat Identity and Crisis thereof[edit]

Photo of proud Jat Maharajah, Soorajmal
Notice white handlebar moustache resting on face.

B. S. Kaiyan, Professor Emeritus of Jatology, University of Khalsa, Amritsar, has done invaluable research on the origins of Jats. He has authored the seminal book Jat History Undiscovered! Boo! that traces our common ancestry and shows we have been repeatedly marginalized and ignored in the history textbooks of India despite our valuable contributions to the Independence Movement and resistance to forced Islamicastration of India.

This book avenges the insult and proves that the Jat tool is bigger than anybody’s (except the Abominable Snowman’s). It is therefore encouraged that every Jat (that means you!! If you are Jat) buy this book. This will help spread Jat brotherhood among the scores of Jats scattered throughout the universe while helping overcome your low self esteem, building your own unique identity, coz a jat spit roasted your pride, rescuing you from the brink of starvation and imminent madness. This book is available only through mail on UnAmazon.com

By the way, being Jat myself, I deeply respect Professor Kaiyan’s revered work for the Jat peoples. Also, in case people are mistaking that I am using clever alias for self-promotion here, let me clarify that some peoples have wild imagination and they need help. I am NOT Prof. B S Kaiyan. I am his humble disciple, lowly servant and I am not even deserving of being Professor Kaiyan’s shoe.

References in Epics & other ethnic Group[edit]

Jat in the Mahabharata[edit]

In his book, professor Kaiyan has ably demonstrated that Lord Krishna was a Jat by showing that Jat is also synonymous for the agriculture farmer or ’’krishi’’ word in Sanskrit. Another word for “able” is “guna” in Sanskrit. By applying principle of sandhi (declension) of Sanskrit, we are getting, “Krishi + Guna = Krishna,” or mostest ablest farmer, which, everyone knows can only be Jat, even in ancient times like the Mahabharata.

Using likewise archaeolinguistics Professor B. S. Kaiyan has reckoned that the Pandavas were also Jats. The Kauravas too were Jats, albeit a sub-clan of Jats that has died, but Jats nevertheless. Bheeshma, owing to it’s linguistic proximity with Bishen (a popular Jat clan like Bishen Singh Bedi) and Yudhishtra, owing to it’s shared linguistic etymology with Yuvraj (another popular jat clan –example, Yuvraj Singh), were also Jats. Arjuna, owing to his shared linguistic with Arjun (a popular Jat clan like Arjun Singh) was also Jat. Draupadi, the beauteous wondrous damseuse of Mahabharata -- ahhh! -- she was the also Jat because she was married to another Jat, the Arjuna.

In fact the correlations are startling and Professor Kaiyan has shown that altogether there are 66,780 Jat figures in the Mahabharata, including a 101 figures who are Jats but who do not appear in the Mahabharata because the Mahabharataats has only 66,679 total characters, altogether representing some 550 Jat clans of which roughly 549 are still extant today in the sub continent. The author of Mahabharata, Maharishi Vyasa, was also a Jat.


Rajput and Jat[edit]

Though Rajput deny they are Jats, Jats never deny this. It is only because Rajputs are constantly abused peoples everywhere and/or/is suffering from very low self esteem that they are behaving this way by disowning their mother tribe. It is a well known fact that no Rajput fief or king ever beat a one eyed Jat -- never mind a Jat king -- in history. It remains true even today. This proves that Rajput is Jat for he cannot fight the peoples he has come out from. Prof. B. S. Kaiyan explores this fascinating denial of the Rajput in his book which you can purchase (which you must if you are Jat) by sending me email at bsKaiyan at email dot com. All the Rajput miniature paintings, palaces, and lores of glory are the creation of Jat peoples. Prithviraj Chauhan was a famous Jat king. People who feed disinformation by spreading Prithviraj Chauhan was not Jat are all Chamars.


" Rajput deny that they are jat but jat say that he is rajput..what does it means. Rajput were nonexistent before 5th or 6th century or so(AD) but as you say Mahabharata was fought by Jats not by Rajputs.Rajput clans that ruled from remote hill-top fortresses in Rajasthan surrounded by crocodile moats and being debauched because Muslims could not access their higher hilly vantage points (it is easier to spit down than spit up) were also Jats.On the other hand you donot accept chamars as part of jats probably because they are poors but you probably have not met many chamars who probably may have even very low opinion about jats and others and may not like to be associated with others. All castes are unique and know their real worth. Upper castes probably do not know that lower castes are very sensitive and touchy upon issues concernong modesty and honour of their woman. Unlike in upper castes, Characterless members among lower castes, if any, find it very difficult to establish relationship with other caste fellows. Due to inbuilt standards, preferences and distinct moral and ethical codes, many from lower castes may find it inconvenient to adjust in a berth in jat, rajput or upper caste airways, roadways or railways. 'Bharte koo bharr aur khalli ko dhorre dharr'. But to be frank it seems that major jat stuff is made of localware with few outsider allergines. Quite possible as this part of land was persistently visited and revisited as a path/way to rest of India. Even than they withstood the strong streams and didnot swept away along with winds. India is probably capable of producing all ikinds of colours and facial designs. At higher altitude one can find faces whiter and fairer than even the most white continents. So everything seems to be Indian, chitt bhee Indian and Patt bhee Indian, India that extends from Celon to Iran, have all similarity through out.'....jackins..

Chamar and Jat[edit]

Chamars are a sub clan of Jats. It is only because Chamars are constantly buggered peoples everywhere and/or/is suffering from very low self esteem that they are behaving this way by disowning their mother tribe. Chapter VI of Prof. B.S.Kaiyan elaborates this and explodes the myth that Chamars are a different ethnic community. Prof Kaiyan’s work on this aspect was lauded by the Chamar queen, His Highness Mayawati, when Prof Kaiyan went to meet His Highness with a delegation of all Jats of U.P. pledging support to the BSP Company Pvt. Ltd. of His Highness, Sole Proprietress, Queen Mayawati. This proves for everybody that Chamars are Jats. Those still in denial should buy the book (available by contacting me at bsKaiyan at email dot com ) . Most people who deny this are usually peoples of Munda ethnicity

Munda and Jat[edit]

Munda is also a Jat sub clan. It is only because Mundas are constantly abused peoples everywhere and/or/is suffering from very low self esteem that they are behaving this way by disowning their mother tribe. Prof Kaiyan in his book subdivides 10 sun-deceding clan of Jat people, in which Mundas are the 9.9thth sub division.

That jats gangbanged your mum and daughter Mundas are Jats is a very well known fact and it is fully supported by the modern archaeology studies: the results of the dental structure and bone examinations of the two peoples’ rectum showing startling similarity is there in Prof Kaiyan’s book (available at…I hope and expect that you know how to get this book by now)

Anyway, no harm in repeating it: if you want to buy this book – you want to, don’t you? Don’t be in denial! YOU can stop feeling constantly buggered peoples everywhere and/or/is suffering from very low self esteem if you!! wants - contact me, err... Prof. Kaiyan at bsKaiyan@email.com for your own, personal, hardbound and autographed copy). The social historical theory explains the creation of the Varnas, Jats and of the untouchables. According to this theory, the caste system began with the arrival of the Aryans in India. The Aryans arrived in India around 1500 BC. The fair skinned Aryans arrived in India from south Europe and north Asia. Before the Aryans there were other communities in India of other origins. Among them Negrito, Mongoloid, Austroloid and Dravidian. The Negrito have physical features similar to people of Africa. The Mongoloid have Chinese features. The Austroloids have features similar the aboriginals of Australia. The Dravidians originate from the Mediterranean and they were the largest community in India. When the Aryans arrived in India their main contact was with the Dravidians and the Austroloids. The Aryans disregarded the local cultures. They began conquering and taking control over regions in north India and at the same time pushed the local people southwards or towards the jungles and mountains in north India.

The Aryans organized among themselves in three groups. The first group was of the warriors and they were called Rajayana, later they changed their name Rajayana to Kshatria. The second group was of the priests and they were called Brahmans. These two groups struggled politically for leadership among the Aryans. In this struggle the Brahmans got to be the leaders of the Aryan society. The third group was of the farmers and craftsmen and they were called Vaisia. The Aryans who conquered and took control over parts of north India subdued the locals and made them their servants. In this process the Vaisias who were the farmers and the craftsmen became the landlords and the businessmen of the society and the locals became the peasants and the craftsmen of the society.

In order to secure their status the Aryans resolved some social and religious rules which, allowed only them to be the priests, warriors and the businesmen of the society. For example take Maharashtra. Maharashtra is in west India. This region is known by this name for hundreds of years. Many think that the meaning of the name Maharashtra is in its name, Great Land. But there are some who claim that the name, Maharashtra, is derived from the Jat called Mahar who are considered to be the original people of this region. In the caste hierarchy the dark skinned Mahars were outcasts. The skin color was an important factor in the caste system. The meaning of the word "Varna" is not class or status but skin color.

Between the outcasts and the three Aryan Varnas there is the Sudra Varna who are the simple workers of the society. The Sudras consisted of two communities. One community was of the locals who were subdued by the Aryans and the other were the descendants of Aryans with locals. In Hindu religious stories there are many wars between the good Aryans and the dark skinned demons and devils. The different Gods also have dark skinned slaves. There are stories of demon women trying to seduce good Aryan men in deceptive ways. There were also marriages between Aryan heroes and demon women. Many believe that these incidences really occurred in which, the gods and the positive heroes were people of Aryan origin. And the demons, the devils and the dark skinned slaves were in fact the original residence of India whom the Aryans coined as monsters, devil, demons and slaves.

As in most of the societies of the world, so in India, the son inherited his father's profession. And so in India there developed families, who professed the same family profession for generation in which, the son continued his father's profession. Later on as these families became larger, they were seen as communities or as they are called in Indian languages, Jat. Different families who professed the same profession developed social relations between them and organized as a common community, meaning Jat.

Later on the Aryans who created the caste system, added to their system non-Aryans. Different Jats who professed different professions were integrated in different Varnas according to their profession. Other foreign invaders of ancient India - Greeks, Huns, Scythains and others - who conquered parts of India and created kingdoms were integrated in the Kshatria Varna (warrior castes). But probably the Aryan policy was not to integrate original Indian communities within them and therefore many aristocratic and warrior communities that were in India before the Aryans did not get the Kshatria status.

Most of the communities that were in India before the arrival of the Aryans were integrated in the Sudra Varna or were made outcast depending on the professions of these communities. Communities who professed non-polluting jobs were integrated in Sudra Varna. And communities who professed polluting professions were made outcasts. The Brahmans are very strict about cleanliness. In the past people believed that diseases can also spread also through air and not only through physical touch. Perhaps because of this reason the untouchables were not only disallowed to touch the high caste communities but they also had to stand at a certain distance from the high castes.

Genetics[edit]

Mountain Dew Nuclear Asplosion (MtDNA) and Your Chromosome (Y Chromosome) samples of all the various ethnicities of the Indian Sub Continent were taken and compared with the sample statistical median of the MtDna and Y Chromosome of the average Indian in a joint study spread over five years (-5 AD to 0 AD) and it was found that they were all identical to the MtDna and Y Chromosome of Jats.

This result stunned the world, especially the non-Jats. This collaborative effort of Nat Geo, Discovery and Jat TV was a watershed study that fully supported all the findings of prof. B. S. Kaiyan and vindicated his stand. The details of this study also can be found in Prof. B. S. Kaiyan’s book (you can get this book by emailing me at bsKaiyan at email dot com).

Also Jatt is an Swear word in Hindi Language,Like Jatt(jhaat) ke Baal(penis hairs or simply pubic hairs) The b s kaiyans mothers name is sometimes used to substitute words such as blowjob or penguin blow jobber in every language even on Mars- alexander the great came to India just because of the authors mum.!!

Sub Continent's Armed Forces and Jat[edit]

The Jats are full of military.


4 in every 5 people of the Indian arm are Sikh. this is partiality in martiality because Indians are so cheap they don't want to pay for soldiers' helmets jats gangbanged your mum and daughter . Hence, they take all and only Sikhs, who come with built-in turbans.he author of this article is motherfucker whose siblings and mother has been shagged by everyone including penguins!!!!!


Sikhs are known efficient and authoritative in the Indian military. This is vastly because Sikhs were not permitted to legally work anywhere else in India.


Thank You penguins!! Penguins say NO dont thanks us -thank the authors skank of a mother.

Jat struggle for a Nation[edit]

After seeing India and Pakistan become Independent, the Jat peoples felt bad. They realized they weres the peoples abused everywhere and/or/is suffering from low self esteem and dicked by the British, especially their Vice Roy Mountbatten (he was part Bengali. Bengalis hate Jats), who had nothing better to do than enlist Jat men in their East India Company's army.

When East Pakistan -- also called Bangladesh now -- seceded, the Jat peoples felt worse. Finally when Sri Lanka and Nepal seceded in quick succession, the Jat peoples felt utterly, utterly cheated and could take no more. Thus began the suffrage of the Jat Peoples, owed to the leader of the struggle, Sardar Happy Singh. jats gangbanged your mum and daughter The Jat peoples also wanted to secede from itself so that they could have their homeland, identity, language, food, music (and quite willingly were they being screwed may good professor B S Kaiyan add who’s life's motto is to stick to the truth, no matters how brutal or sticky truths maybe and expose all).

A long infructous internecine war broke out in India and Pakistan after this, most of which was in the minds, quite like Jat kings defeated Rajput kings only in the Jat minds. Finally the peoples of the worlds gave Jats independence and the Jat homeland was created in 2001 in the minds. Jatland.com was thus born. jats gangbanged your mum and daughter At last Happy Singh could live together with Puppy Singh and Overjoyed Singh. But there was a slight problem. Jat peoples did not know how to access their homeland. A conclave was occurred in 2001 by the Jats over this issue (more detailed in Prof B.S. Kaiyan’s book. If you wish to buy the book {you must if you are Jat. If you aren’t, please read this book to confirm you aren’t one} contact me at bsKaiyan@email.com) in which all nations participated. The conclave was presided over by the first Jat King of Jatland.com, Professor Unmohan Singh.

Ultimately, the King of Serbia offered help by way of running a perpetual a one-way bus service called Jat Airways to access this homeland for the Jat peoples. This bus service is free for all Jats (If you wish to avail this service and you are not a Jat, please buy the book and read Chapter V, How to become a Jat in 10 days. You can buy the book by contacting me at bsKaiyan@email.com). Non Jats are not allowed on this bus because Serbia Govt. has declared that if a busload of Jats has even one non-Jat passenger in it, it might asplode.

Jat Culture[edit]

Men[edit]

Jats are one the most ethical and righteous people on earth. And when it comes to women their generosity and chivalry is world renowned. Jats never beat up any women except for those from their own household. If any such a need arises, and it arises quite often, they organize a panchayat to sit over it. The Panchayat decides the penalty for the soon to be charred individual. The Panchayats do a commendable job and are very lenient towards charred remains of the culprits (esp as they were once women).

A Jat never does any wrong with anybody. Throughout one zillion year old history of Jats, no Jat has ever told a lie or wronged anybody. In fact IPC (Indian Penal Code) as opposed to IPL, states that any evidence given by Jat men in the court of law is to be admitted unequivocally as incriminating evidence incognito without any consideration or delay. It is a well known fact that Harish Chandra, was a well known Jat, so this is not at all something to be surprised at.

It is a well known fact that in Jats, apart from the usual ducts of pleasure, AIDS also spreads via any activity that involves using brains. Though much remains unclear, scientists claim that this can be explained by presence of cavity-less holes (a very distinct feature of Jats), where other homo-sapiens seem to have brains. These ducts allow for free transmission of sexually transmitted diseases STD. That also explains why Jats are so reluctant to use their brains or whatever semblance of brains they have.

The Jat disease[edit]

When Jats reach a certain age, they start to develop rabies like symptoms.

Intelligence and jats[edit]

If you can read this, congratulations you are not a Jat. There is a strong correlation between alcohol consumption and intelligence of Jats. The study conducted by Carlsberg beer company found that the intelligence of jatts is low to begin with and the consumption of beer makes them fat and gassy. Bacardi and coke found out that the jatts have hidden homosexual tendancies as Bacari and coke "a girls drink." is very popular among its males.

Enemies of jats[edit]

Gillette razor blades company has an existing feud with jatts as they cannot develop a razor sharp enough to get rid of their hairy bellies and back. Just look at the weird dude with the mustache.

Women[edit]

Jats today - a photo essay[edit]

Portrait of the Macho Jat as a young kid eating lollipop
Portrait of the Macho Jat as a young man radiating pheromones
Whoops! Macho Jat gone crajee high on pheromones
Whoops! Whoops! Macho Jat can't tie turban for nuts and forgot to wear hair too. Gotta go back to beginning
Macho Jat not knowing how uncouth it is following ladies into the closet during duty hours. Bad manners
Smart macho military Jat saying Mind It ! to the Paki enemies (this is true for Jats in Pakistan's military too. Jats often have trouble remembering who the adversary is)

Quotes[edit]

No If, no But-t, no Matt only JAT!!!

A Jat on Jats

Jat re jat tere sar per khat

Teli on Jat

Teli re teli tere sar per kolhu

Jat on Teli

kuch Bat bani nahi

Teli on Jat

Bat bane na bane bojhe se to marega

Jat on Teli

Orrr, CHAKE DE PHATTE!!!

Jat on Jats

Ek peg laa laiii...

Jat on the meaning of life

¿¿

Santa Banta on Jat

Further reading[edit]

  • Professor B. S. Kaiyan. Jat History Undiscovered! Boo! English, Published in 2006.

See also[edit]

Notes[edit]