Shivaji
| Shivaji I | |
|---|---|
| ShakakartaTemplate:Sfn Bahujan Pratipalak[1] | |
 Portrait of Shivaji smoking his weed filled joint | |
| 1st Chhatrapati of the Marathas | |
| Reign | 6 June 1674–3 April 1680 |
| Coronation |
|
| Predecessor | Position established |
| Successor | Sambhaji |
| Born |
|
| Died |
|
| Spouse | |
| Issue | 8,[2] including Sambhaji and Rajaram I |
| House | Bhonsle |
| Father | Udayanraje Bhosale |
| Mother | Jijabai |
| Religion | Hinduism |
| Signature |  |
Shivaji a.k.a. Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj in Maharashtra a.k.a. Chhappripati (father of chappris) elsewhere was a pothead, warlord, king, and pedophile who killed cows and Muslims with an urumi to gain power in 17th century India. He is known to have fought a man named Aurangzeb, pissing off the Mughals, British, Portuguese, Maharashtra, and the other well known pedophile, Mohandas Gandhi. Shivaji was a Hindu, and he was very religious too, as seen by his culinary tastes.
Childhood[edit | edit source]
Shivaji was born in a Marathi barn located near Pune on February 19, 1630. During his childhood, Shivaji enjoyed hunting pigs, cows, and snakes. His fondness with snakes evolved out of his devotion to the snake-gods of Hinduism. After hunting cows, he would enjoy eating delicious beef fried rice, cooked Marathi style.
At the age of 14, Shivaji was enrolled at the Stoner High School in Pune by his mother, Jijabai, and his father, Udayanraje Bhosale. The ideas of this school would influence Shivaji later in his life. At Stoner High, he met a Brahmin guru named Dharmesh Patel who persuaded him to kill more cows and eat even more beef.
The Equestrian inside Came Alive[edit | edit source]
At some point in his teenage years, Shivaji decided to hop on a horse named Krishna. As Shivaji hopped on Krishna, Krishna made a loud moan, "AAAAHHHH!", a rather unique noise made by horses. At that moment, they fell in love. From this point onwards, Shivaji was always seen with Krishna, even while Shivaji created Sambhaji by screwing Saibai, his first wife.
The Equestrian Legacy[edit | edit source]
The legacy of Shivaji's equestrianism is well acclaimed. Even the Maharashtra Navnirman Sena decided to build a statue of Shivaji riding Krishna in the ocean near Mumbai.
The Ganja Discovered in the Sahyadri[edit | edit source]
.JPG)
One day while Shivaji was riding Krishna in the Sahyadri Mountains a.k.a. the Western Ghats, he stumbled across a strange green plant. Shivaji picked up a few of these plants and stashed them in his pants. That night, while Shivaji was chillin' with Krishna, he took out the stash and decided to eat some of it. Oof! And this was the start of Shivaji's greatest legacy, the O.G. stoner of Maharashtra.
Adulterous Affairs[edit | edit source]
Included is a list of known mistresses and little boys Shivaji was affiliated with:
- Sambhaji, his son
- Hambirrao Mohite
- Tarabai
- Queen Elizabeth I
- Louis XVI
- Moohammed
Sambhaji[edit | edit source]
Shivaji was deeply affectionate to his son, Sambhaji. His mentorship involved rubbing his pointy beard on Sambhaji's nutsack. This inspired Sambhaji to become a brave Maratha warrior and piss off the Portuguese just like his father did.
Worship[edit | edit source]
In 1991, a drunk cartoonist named Balasaheb Thackeray decided to pay homage to Shivaji by placing a statue of him in the Ganesha Hanuman Elephant Monkey Giraffe Zebra Temple in Navi Mumbai, Maharashtra. This turned into a massive cult-like trend, which is still practiced today by the Indian people. Indians from all over India now praise and worship Shivaji as Ganesha's ninja sidekick. A common mantra recited by the Indians nowadays is, "Om, Shanti, Om, Hare Shivaji, Hare Shivaji, Hare Ganesha, Hare Ganesha, Hare Shivaji, Hare Shivaji, you kicked Aurangzeb's slimy old arse, Om, Shanti, Om". This mantra is repeated 108 times by the Chitpavan Brahmins of Kolhapur every morning at sunrise.
See Also[edit | edit source]
Links[edit | edit source]
- ↑ 1.0 1.1 CHANDRASHEKHAR. PAWAR SHIKARE (KHUSHWANT.) (2004). Medieval India: Society, the Jagirdari Crisis, and the Village. White Falcon Publishing Solutions Llp, 2024.
- ↑ James Laine (1996). Anne Feldhaus Images of women in Maharashtrian literature and religion. Albany: State University of New York Press.
|
A nation united by virtually nothing, except perhaps Ganesha's wrinkly elephant arse
|
| States: Chandigarh • East Bengal • Kashmir • Kerala • Maharashtra • Nepal • Tibet • Tulu Nadu | |
| Religions: Buddhism • Hinduism • Islam • Tantra • Zoroastrianism • Sikhism | |
| Funny guys: Barkha Dutt • Shivaji • Mohandas Gandhi • Rudyard Kipling • Dalai Lama • K. Padmarajan • Nathuram Godse | |
| A zoo-full of deities: Allah • Ganesha • Hanuman • Kali • Shivaji | |
| Languages: Engrish • Hindi • Sanskrit • Telugu | |
| Other stuffs: Bhagavad-gita • Bangalore • Bollywood • Cricket • Curry • ChuChu TV • Football • Hippies • Jat • Mango • Ramayana • Rock • ₹ • Taj Mahal • Turban • Urumi • VJTI |