Delhi

Map of Delhi showing the prevelance of "angry people". Red colour represents the highest intensity of anger.

Delhi is the top city in India in terms of number of Blockheads found per square kilometre.

Toponym

There are a number of myths and legends associated with the origin of the name Delhi. One of them is that the word Delhi comes from the ancient Hindi word "Dalali" meaning brokerage. It hints towards the ancient profession of being a broker which has persisted even today as we still find Delhiites breaking things.

Another view is influenced by colonial historians who insist that the word Delhi is a corruption of the English word "Daily". This occured due to the habit of daily corruption of people living in this area.

Recent archaelogical research has revealed another story. An ancient inscription was found after an excavation was conducted at a location revealed to a blockhead in his dream when he was high on testosterone. It records a conversation between two important persons and reveals some hints towards the name Delhi. The conversation goes:

History

A statue discovered from an excavation in Delhi. Belonging to the Mahajanapada era, the "pooping over the civic sense" figurine is an artistic representation of dog owner's attitude i.e. Not my poop, not my problem. Yes, my dog. You got problem?

There is a rich history of Delhi which dates back to Harappan Civilization. It is even contested by some historians that the Harappan civilization declined because a young naive teenager did not vacate the seat reserved for ladies on a public bus. His entire clan was shouted upon till it melted away due to shame. After this incident, Harappans were stereotyped and their land gradually grabbed away by land mafias. Delhi's foundation was laid on this grabbed land which had been waiting for its price to rise so that it can be resold.

During the Vedic age from 1900BC to around 600BC, Delhi was inhabited by "suddenly got rich but do not know how to act rich" people who suddenly got rich due to selling their land but did not know how to act rich due to lack of prior experience. There was a general agreement that the wealth be used to annoy other not so wealthy. In order to prevent any misuse of wealth by productive activities, it was proclaimed in the third assholes council that the wealth be only used to buy a Sports Utility Vehicle and cheap liqour. This rule is followed religiously even today.

After the coming of Buddha, there was a wave of Enlightenment in this region. People started to invest their interest in art and aesthetics and tried to supress their violent tendencies, though unsuccessfully. Buddha's head adorned every single house as a piece of decoration. It represented the urge of Delhiites to decapitate Buddha and decorate their homes with his head as they could not bear to hear his wise words famously known as AAAAAAAAA!

Geography

Delhi has a pleasant climate throughout the year. A major reason is that, a blanket protects people from the extreme temperatures- that is, a blanket of smoke

Delhi lies sandwiched between the two neighbouring states i.e. the state of restlessness in the west(Haryana) and the state of disgust in the east(Uttar Pradesh). The holy yamuna river enters Delhi with hope and compassion with a view to quench the thirst of its people. It exits with a return gift of a combination of faeces, urine, and all the good things which people of Delhi are used to live in.

Delhi also boasts of aesthetic and scenic views of nature in the form of mountains. The major ones are Bhalaswa, Okhla and Ghazipur. Surprising thing about them is that they are artificial. They were made by filling up the land, hence they are also called landfills. Besides this enormous project, smaller landfills are found in every nook and corner of the city which pertain to local tastes of the citizens and give a feel of living with the nature.

Administration

Delhi contains the administrative centres and several suboffices of the universe which appear spontaneously on busy roads in a rare event of two vehicles brushing each other. Decisions of fate of the parties are decided in such centres on the basis of identities of paternal figure of differing parties.

Culture

Delhi's culture is unique due to its multicultural nature. It is a mashup of different cultures from across the world and contains worsts of all.

Infrastructure

A Schematic Map of Delhi Metro. The map has been designed to represent the efforts of a daily passenger to prevent groping even after death.

Delhi being the capital of India, has world class infrastructure. The world, for most people here, revolves around them. This explains the treatment of public infrastructure as a private property by most of the people. Infrastructure includes but is not limited to schools , hospitals, parks, roads and public transport.

The Delhi government spends significant amount of annual budget in development of schools. Delhi schools provide a wide range of activities for all round development for the students. They learn sports, business skills, ethics, patriotism, politics, religion, smoking, drugs and other such extra-curricular activities. For education, they have to enroll in a tution centre.

The healthcare system in Delhi is cheap, affordable and almost existent. The scale of primary health centres can be judged by the no. of "sexologist" advertisement found all over the available surface area of Delhi measured twice.

There are public parks which are the green areas of Delhi. Here people park their cars.

The roads are of good quality, wide and safe. Here children come to play and adults come to stroll aimlessly. With the aid of central government new roads are being constructed at an accelerated pace. Road construction involves a certain ritual in almost all areas of Delhi. First, the road is laid in a perfect way as intended. Then a new job consisting of underground work is passed by administration, symbolic of being a blessing for long life of roads. The road is then dug up again, job done and the trench is filled up. The craters and mounds thus created on the newly constructed road are finally evened out with hopes and dreams, giving us the long lasting roads.

Talk about infrastructure cannot be complete without mention of the world famous Delhi Metro

Delhi state icons

Title	State icons of Delhi	Image	Notes
State emotion	Anger
State sport	Blackmail
State pasttime	Honking
State politics	In disarray