Rupees

Rupees ৳

“Lamp oil, rope, bombs?! You want it? It's yours my friend! As long as you have enough rubies rupees!”

~ Morshu on Ruppes

“FIVE MILLION RUPEES!”

~ The Indian Regis Philbin on Link winning Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

In India, rupees are mainly used for currency. 68 rupees is approximately equal to $1 USD. The extremely high prices of tradable goods in Hyrule are explained by the fact that someone can find a rupee under a rock, in a bush, in the corpse of a dead cucco, almost anywhere. Since the overabundance of rupees has caused terrible inflation in Hyrule, Hyrule simply trades with itself.

The Origin of Rupees

Since there seem to be an infinite amount of rupees, many ideas have been formed to their creation. The list of explanations to the rupee phenomenon.

This piece of paper is a Paper Rupee. It is worth 1000 Rupees. Note the Triforce watermark as a sign of authenticity.

1. They are really plants or parts of plants, explaining why they inexplicably appear whenever you kill an innocent weed.
2. They are deceased rupee-likes (the like-like with a rupee on a stick glued to their top section ()). Since most rupees found do not spring up and devour people, it must be that an AIDS epidemic that happened millennia ago, causing the infinite population of rupee-like civilization to die and fossilize. Since the rupee is an organic part of the rupee-like, one must wonder why they did not rot like the rest of the rupee-like.
3. There is really a finite amount, and the reason they keep popping up is because the high quantity of dumbasses that live in Hyrule frequently hide or drop or bury their rupees in random places.
4. Bank of Hyrule mints rupees to a manageable amount, but the rupees mint rupees themselves, hence the seemingly infinite number.
5. They are printed in India, but had been accepted by dumbarse shopkeepers in Hyrule.
6. Rupees are created when Ganon/Ganondorf dies, making the zit on his head fall off. When the zit dries up, it makes 1 rupee (shh, theres no such thing as 5, 10, n rupees, that's just you hallucinating from boredom playing the same game over and over again -_-), so since Ganon/Ganondorf got pwned like 10000000 billion times in like 10000000 billion of the same game released with different names by Nintendo, theres a perceivably infinite number of rupees.

The sixth theory is frequently disagreed with, and mobs of scientists usually argue about this instead of inventing swords with guns stuck on them.

Varieties of Rupee

There are different kinds of rupees. Each is worth more than another seemingly because of color or size, much like society today.

Green Rupee- Worth one rupee. Probably the most worthless thing to ever exist, yet can be found as easily as pissing in the shower. And finding a green rupee isn't half as fun as pissing in the shower.

Blue Rupee- Worth five rupees. Isn't as completely worthless as a green rupee, and actually hides in various places. The common hiding spots are in monster's large intestines. If you pick one up, you stop for no apparent reason and say, "I got a Blue Rupee! It's worth 5 rupees!"

Rupee- A rock Rupee (the only rock rupees around) that is worth 9 rupees, and found in boulder debris.

Yellow Rupee- Worth ten rupees. Only found in the Great Sea, which is about twenty minutes driving on the freeway from Hyrule. Likes hiding in Treasure Chests and small intestines. If you pick one up, you stop for no apparent reason and say, "I got a Yellow Rupee! It's worth 10 rupees!"

Red Rupee- Worth twenty rupees. Is mostly found in the left testis of moblins, but also appears under small pine trees. If you pick one up, you stop for no apparent reason and say, "I got a Red Rupee! It's worth 20 rupees!" Also, some asshole programmer decided that you have to be able to hold 20 Rupees in your wallet to take it from a chest.

Purple Rupee- Worth fifty rupees. Only found in treasure chests and in water. Also sometimes found in the bladder of strong monsters. Apparently, energy from a light arrow can react with the body of any monster to create a purple rupee. If you pick one up, you stop for no apparent reason and say, "I got a Purple Rupee! It's worth 50 rupees!"

Orange Rupee- Worth one hundred rupees. Only found in treasure chests for some odd reason. Or if you rob skull children. One must not drop it in water, because Orange Rupees are actually composed of potassium, and will combust, leading to tears and the loss of a hundred bucks. Nice job, dipshit. If you pick one up, you stop for no apparent reason and say, "I got an orange Rupee! It's worth 100 rupees!"

Silver Rupee- Worth two hundred rupees. Also only found in treasure chests, and in the chest of any woman in Hyrule under 29. These rupees are radioactive, so people who possess them rarely possess them for long. Surgery is required to remove silver rupee from the boob of a female. If you pick one up, you stop for no apparent reason and say, "I got a Silver Rupee! It's worth 200 rupees!"

Paper Rupee- Worth one thousand Rupees. Also found in treasure chests, but can be found in many ATMs around Hyrule. The paper Rupee has a picture of Link and a Triforce watermark. It can easily be counterfeited, and if you pick the fake one, dipshit, you're fucked. If you got a real one, there is a reason to stop and say "I got a Paper Rupee! It's worth 1000 Rupees!". Unfortunately, paper Rupees cannot be found in any of the Zelda games; it can only be found in real-life places such as India, Pakistan and Indonesia.

Puzzle Black Rupee- Worth five rupees. Only found in dungeons, in puzzle rooms. You must collect all in a room to advance. They do a chime sound when picked up. Link sometimes is seen fighting blue fire to win one. All through they are needed to advance a puzzle, they are sometimes paid to hear Confucius's wisdom or feed it to a Russian Grue to kill it. Here is a picture of link getting some.

Imaginary Rupee - Worth a gazillion rupees. Nobody knows why this legendary rupee is invisible some say it's made up while others say that their imaginary friends have seen it with their own eyes, nobody knows for sure. But this treasure can only be obtained by defeating Chuck Norris, Jackie Chan and Jet Li (all at once) in their secret underground dojo. But you're not fighting alone as Godzilla assist's you in this EPIC battle. You might also find one at the tip of Captain Falcon's Falcon Punch.

Rupoor - Cancels five of your rupees. Can be found randomly in certain games. Rupoors are named after an Indian man called Rajesh Rupoor, who tried to create a way to prevent bribes in India by draining the rich's money. However, the plan was missing and somehow, lots of Rupoors start to appear everywhere in Hyrule, causing poverty.

Black Rupoor - Finding this will destroy 500 of your rupees.

Big Black Rupoor- As much as seeing this one out of your peripheral vision will instantly cause 5000 of your rupees to incinerate, even taking you into the negative range if it has to.

  The Legend O'Zelda series

Games:	The Legend of Zelda - Link's Arousal - Ocarina of Time - Majora's Mask - The Wind Waker - The Midget's Crap - Twilight Princess - Phantom Hourglass - Spirit Tracks - The Wand of Gamelon
Characters:	Link - Princess Zelda - Ganondorf - King Harkinian - Tingle - Morshu - That Old Man from The Legend Of Zelda - Lord Jabu-Jabu
Somethings:	Hyrule - Link is a Tree - The Legend of Zelda Link theory - Rupees - Unquotable:Link