Tulu Nadu
Tulu Nadu(Parashoo Ram Shitra) Saffron Country where Red is not allowed Mangalorean Heartland | |||||
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| Motto: "We Love fishes but they don't love us" | |||||
| Anthem: "Dena Dena naa" | |||||
| Capital | [Mango Whore] | ||||
| Previous capital | Big Brother House | ||||
| Largest city | The Whore bigger than Mangowhore | ||||
| Official language(s) | Tulu,Kannada | ||||
| Government | For the thugs By the thugs of the thugs | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Shilpa Shetty,Yellappa Anna,Lola Kutty,Drunkard Koraga,Fr.Aloysius(Find You i am not celibate) etc | ||||
| Currency | Beer Bottel | ||||
| Religion | Depends | ||||
| Population | Not Bad | ||||
| Internet TLD | .coco | ||||
“We are Malayalis in disguise ”
“All the Roads lead To the Dance Bar ”
“We Think Pramod Muthalik is Gay”
“It's Raining Coconuts Here”
“Ha Ha Ha Ha”
Tulu Nadu is the name giving to the region in coastal karnataka,India(north of kerala) from kundapura to kasargod where disguised malayalis live.These disguised malayalis call themselves Tuluva just for time pass because the hate the the word Mallu and prefer the word Tulu.They are highly educated and have lots of money which they made selling liquor and masala dosa and by acting in bollywood films.but these people are generally lazy and therefore they are still part of the karnataka state where a useless race of people called kannadigas also live,Though some tuluvas have giving up their laziness and want separation from karnataka because they can't bear the stink coming from kannadigas who live in other parts of karnataka.Also the fact some people mistake tulu people as kannadigas because they live in the same state has incensed them even further.
History[edit | edit source]
Tuluva people believe that their land of Tulu nadu was craeted when an axe throwing cometitipon was held in MT.Kailash By Shiva and Parshurama ,one of the participant threw threw his axe in the southern direction instead of north and this axe landed near the Arabian see and a land of tulu nadu and kerala were created(No further explanation is provided).After the land was created stupid snake people called the bunts and shivalli brahmins came to this place from alien country of achichatra and populated the region.their progeny also went to kerala which started a population explosion there.these snake people in kerala are known as nairs and namboodiri.Gradually other people also inhabited this place like the professional murderers the beary muslims.There were also other groups who came to the region like the scuba divers billavas and mosquito catchers like mogaveeras.recently migrated groups include the brothel owners mangalorean catholics as also very misrely gowda sarasawat brahmins.
Physics Of Literacy[edit | edit source]
People here are 100 percent literate and generally show their literacy by writing on window panes of buses cars as also the walls of their houses. People here have knowledge of a lot of scripts like tulu script, kannada script, roman script etc. This knowing of different scripts means that the writing is done using the alternative script theory which is that one word in a sentence is written using tulu script, the other by kannada and the third by roman. This has created the world's most unique writing technique. In fact, the people of tulu nadu were given the Nobel Price for Physics for invention of this Theory. Even Barack Obama has congratulated the people of Tulu Nadu by saying I am not the only person who did not deserve the Nobel Price.
People & Culture[edit | edit source]
People in this part are generally of Saffron in colour. This is due to the excessive influence of Hinduism on the people here. Though some scientists disagree this theory by stating That Tulu people have saffron colour because they are a cross between aliens and the Communist Keralaites who are red in colour. People here have fertility rate and therefore the excess population in the region have migrated to other places in the world like Bombay Arab countries, etc. For every 10 Malayali in the world there are five people of Tulu Nadu. Tulu Nadu people are also very friendly so friendly that they will not hesitate to use your belongings like your bank account, your house, your toilet and perhaps even your bedroom. People here have great sense of humour, so humorous these people are that if two people are seen having a fight then the Tulu Nadu people will stand around them, start laughing as if they are some jesters. Tulu Nadu people are also very cultured. In fact, so virtuous are these people that they don't mind beating other people just for the sake of fun.
Flora and Fauna[edit | edit source]
The cockroach is the official animal of the region.Killing this animal is prohibited and punishable by law.A chinese tourist was recently given the death sentence for killing the cockroach and eating it thinking this was a delicacy.The Jugde while sentencing the tourist named Chin ping ling said that this should serve as a reminder to all those people who try to kill this beautiful animal species which is going to inherit the earth after all human beings are going to be killed in nuclear war being started by Muslims.PETA hailed the decision calling it the victory of animals over human beings.Apart from the cockroach other animal species protected in Tulu Nadu are the blood sucking vampires.The horny Gazelles as well as cannibalistic creatures belonging to the Jesus Christ species of animals.The Aerosmith is the national bird of tulu nadu.
Language Policy[edit | edit source]
Tulu is the official language in the region though it spoken and understood by all people, The people here try to show off their fluency in English. In fact, if a foreigner speaks to person here in Tulu. The people here will always give a reply in English. because of the myth among the people here that all foreigners are English which includes the Chinese, Japanese as well as Africans. Other languages spoken here include Latin, but not Pig Latin. Pig Latin along with Canada/Language is considered to be the language of Homosexuals. So it is a advise not to speak these languages here if you do not want to be classified as one. For people who want to ascertain their Homosexual identity please speak these languages. no harm will be caused to homosexuals are people here not not Homophobes, But detest people who kill Cockroaches.
organisational skills[edit | edit source]
Unlike their neighbouring state of Kerala,People in Tulu Nadu have a number of organisation which look after different affairs some major organisations are as follows.
- Tulu Nadu People's Party - This party was originally formed to contest election by human beings but today most of it's members are Dogs and semi human beings like Michael Jackson.Among it's canine members are Osama Bin Laden.
- Rashtriya Swayam Sevak Sangh(Tulu Nadu)- This is the Tulu Nadu branch of the pan indian RSS.It is an organisation made up of old people with high libido.Members of this organisation are known to be horny and especially male members are eager to hump anything that they get including Michelle Obama.
- Bunt Sangha-This is the organisation of a race of people called bunts (the same people are called nairs in neighbouring kerala).these people generally think of themsleves as too smart and too good looking.They believe they deserve to be rulers of the world.The main motto of the organisation is to the rule the world,the organisation is making vigorous plans about ways to capture the world.For this there are in talks with Chinese and North Korean leaders who have similar ideology.
- Tulu Brahmin Association:They are basically a group of greedy people who will do anthing for money.They are involved in Mafia gangs and Extortion rackets.
- Billava Sangha -This is basically a association of scuba divers who were also involved in the toddy trade.Nowadays they have diversified into begging and known to the the only group of professional beggars.The Film Slumdog millionaire was based on them
- Mangalorean Catholic Association - This is basically a asscociation of Pimps and Whores who have formed the organisation with the main objective of expanding the sex trade.their senior leader lives in the Vatican City and goes by the name of Pope which basically means the main pimp.they use the konakni language for in group communication and where orinally from Goa.
Industry[edit | edit source]
People in tulu nadu are very industrious. they have set up not just industries here but also in the gulf countries of arabia. The Major industry here is of course migration industry. Half of Tulu Nadu's people have migrated to Gulf countries due to the growth of this industry. the other half was also involved in planning to migrate but they supposedly are now involved in the population growth industry. The growth of this industry is seen in the fact that along with the neighbouring state of kerala Tulu nadu has the highest density of population per sq km. in India. Other Major industries here include Running Down people industry as well the Liquor Bar industry.The Running down people industry mainly employs the Public Bus Drivers. In fact, these people as such excellent drivers that at least 15 people are run down in one ride of the Kundapura to Kasaragod Express Bus,While 10 passengers generally die of heart attack after having a ride on the bus. The Liquor Bar industry is also relatively booming. Any Given Time of the Year Half of the people are either drunk here or dead.
Sport[edit | edit source]
The Official Sport of The region is Coconut Shot Put where one aims to throw the coconut as far as possible.One gets bonus points if you hit somebody's head while throwing it as far as possible.Tulu Nadu people are world champions and world beaters in this sport because no one else plays it.Other sporting activities here include Chasing the monkeys away From you Coconut and banana plantaions.The sport is played between the monkeys and the Tulu people,and the monkeys always seem to win the game no matter how hard the tulu people try.Like the whole of india which is cricket crazy Tulu Nadu people are also admirers of the sport but they only watch it on Tv and never play it,Other sports here include Buffalo racing elephant racing,running away with ones' neighbour's wife etc.
Festivals[edit | edit source]
The Major festival here is the Saffron Parade where all members of the Saffron association of the the B.J.P, Sangh Parivar and the R.S.S. (they wear khaki shorts and not saffron for a change) take out a march any given time of the year and celebrate the festival by beating up any given muslim on the road and abuse him. In fact, they don't even spare the Christian priests who are generally very nice and harmless souls who basically like shagging in the confession box. Unlike other festivals in the world the saffron parade can take place any given time of the year. The time for its observance is not known to the general public. it depends on the leaders of the saffron association. If they say today is saffron parade then people should observe it by beating up a muslim or a christian priest.
Economy[edit | edit source]
The economy here is of mixed type that is people will not pay for anything they want to buy.But will charge double the money for anything they sell.thus the people here have made a lot of money.Major exports from here include human beings rice coconut and hot bollywood chicks.People here don't pay for any imports i.e they lietrally steal.
Famous people From Tulu Nadu[edit | edit source]
- Madhvacharya-The original force behind ITSCON
- Shilpa Shetty -Even the people here don't know why she's famous
- Aishwarya Rai-For Marrying A Gay Man like Abhishek Bachchan
- Anushka Shetty- Teacher turned whore, thanks to movies, she became bigger whore
- Tuluva Krishnadevaraya-The playboy emperor of Vijayanagara
- george fernandes - For invovlement in Defence scam
- NalinKumar kateel - For getting elected to the parliament inspite of failing in his 12 grade exams
- Janardhan Poojary- For Being a Blabber mouth and suffering from foot in mouth disease
- Vishwesh Tirtharu- For being the guru of another blaaber mouth called uma bharati
- Vijay Mallya - For having more girlfriends than his own son
- Sadanand Gowda - For doing nothing as an M.P.
- Muthappa Rai - A thug who calls himself People's Man
- Oscar Fernandes - For being Sonia Gandhis Chamcha
- Quich Gun Murugan - For not being quick with his gun
- Deepika Padukone - For always being girl friend of both father and sons.
- Suniel Shetty - For doing flop films
- Drunkard Koraga - For being drunk
- V.t.Rajashekhar - Conspiracy theorist(he wa the one who proposed the idea that dick cheney was a woman)
- Veerappa Moily - For always assuring peopl he will do something but never does anything
- Daya Nayak - encounter specialist who killed more poilceman than terrorists