Pyongyang
| Pyongyang | |
|---|---|
 A panoramic view of Pyongyang. So beautiful. | |
| Motto: "The Dear Leader adores you so much he loves you to death! Like, literally." | |
| Civic anthem: From Pyongyang, With Love[1] | |
| State | Best Korea |
| Official language(s) | True Korean |
| Mayor | Suk Kim-dong |
| Currency | PyongYin-Yangs |
| Opening hours | Eternity |
| Dialing code | INSIDERS ONLY CAN CONTACT THE PURITY OF THE DEAR LEADERS' BELOVED CHILDREN! |
“Best city ever!”
“I can't believe there is a kingdom better than mine!”
Pyongyang, or the Dear Leader's Best Holy People's Megacity of Pyongyang , is the capital and largest megatropolitan city of the Dear Leader's Personal Property of Korea and the entire world. It is located in the central region of the safehaven of freedom, just beside Juche Heaven, the only true Heaven that was stolen by Western capitalist Jesus. The city is known for its occupied apartment buildings, busy airports, immense traffic of missile-launching trucks, tanks, and totally homemade lamborghinis crowding its 99-lane streets, being the original birthplace of K-Pop, and its finished hotels. Only the most loyal, most faithful, most true followers and disciples of the Dear Leader and also Dennis Rodman are worthy to enter beyond the gates of Pyongyang.
History[edit | edit source]
Pyongyang used to be an absolute shithole. It was only a wasteland of war, famine and Japanese rapists. But one day, sometime in the year 1912, everything was about to change. A superhuman named Kim Il-sung was born about 4,000 miles from Pyongyang on Mt. Paektu in what is now Ryanggang Province, and simultaneously a rainbow lit the sky. All crows transformed into beautiful big fluffy unicorns while lollipops rained from the sky. A savior has come.
Pyongyang was established as the revolutionary headquarters by Kim Il-sung against the Japanese during World War II. He defended his base by singlehandedly shooting down 50 Japanese fighter jets with only a finger-gun. From his glorious revolutionary base, Kim Il-sung liberated the rest of Korea from the Japs in just fifteen minutes by using the method of true Korean-ness and ridding any remnant of Japanese culture by executing all children who had been exposed to the disgusting taste of sushi. The absolutely glorious revolutionary flag first flew over the heavens of Pyongyang on the day of independence, consisting of the blue, the white, the red, and the magnificent Communist star, created by Kim Il-sung. In just four years, Pyongyang's economy and infrastructure more than doubled by 6 octillion percent thanks to Kim Il-sung. This economic progress oversaw the development of Pyongyang Disneyland, the People's Megatall Resedential Quarters, The People's Church of Kim Il-sung, Kim Il-sung University, Pyongyang Zoo (which has the rare Kim Jong-unicorn) and the People's Ulimately Original and Superior K-Pop. Pyongyang also became the headquarters of North Korea's most popular franchise, KFC (or Kim's Flayed-Alive Capitalists).
Around the year 1950, the Americans came in and sieged Pyongyang because they were so jealous of Kim Il-sung's success and good looks, also partly because Kim Il-sung had the wisdom to undermine Uncle Sam's plans for world domination. During the siege, the evil Americans kidnapped the Dear Leaders' children and most beautiful women and sold them as slaves to the Burger King. Unlike the Western narcissist Uncle Sam who wears a stupid hat and asks people to join the air force, Comrade Kim Il-sung didn't rely on a stupid-looking hat to look amazing; he just needed a gigantic palace and military parades worshipping literally everything he and his descendants did for eternity. With all of Kim Il-sung's unmatched humility, wisdom, strength, intelligence, fighting-skills, dancing-skills, driving skills, and the entire Chinese Army combined, he was able to pretty much singlehandedly push out the American dogs from Pyongyang, and his city was once again liberated. Reasonably, those who were not thankful for being liberated were sent to re-education camps to keep the capital's thankfulness meter to 100% at all times.
Demographics[edit | edit source]
The population of Pyongyang is 1,000% Korean and is the happiest city on Earth, almost tied with every other city in True Korea. What makes this city just a bit happier than other cities in True Korea is that Pyongyang is home to the Dear Leader, whose presence and unmatched attractiveness boosts people's daily happiness. Even if you are miles away from the Dear Leader, you can still smell the Dear Leaders' wonderful scent of roses and gumdrops. However, when the Dear Leader dies, Pyongyang becomes the saddest place on Earth with its citizens letting out sobs of unprecedented authenticity for a few hours before becoming super happy again when the new and improved, most even more handsomest leader is announced.
Geography[edit | edit source]
Pyongyang is situated in the Garden of Eden, a basin on the Korean People's Holy River surrounded by the holy Kim Il-sung mountains where unicorns take residence. According to the semi-independent research of the top meteorologists of True Korea, Pyongyang is subject to more sunny weather with a perfect 74 degrees Fahrenheit than every other city on Earth combined at a whopping record of 366 days per year uninterrupted since the glorious arrival of Kim Il-sung and his perfect body temperature that allowed every single one of his breaths of carbon dioxide to make the city's climate and air quality up to the absolute definition of perfection.
