Blackpink

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Blackpink
JJBP.jpg
The stand users could be anyone, and it's probably them.
"The Girl Group With Only One Comeback per year."
Background Information
Origin South Korea
Years active 2016–present
Genre K-Pop, Mumble Rap, Ghetto Rap, Autotune, Soviet Pop, Mandopop, Throat Singing
...
I said certified freak! Seven days a week!

Lalisa Manoban (probably)

disclaimer: May be offensive to some. Viewer discretion is advised.

Blackpink (Hangul:씨발) is a South Korean girl group under YGAY Entertainment. The group debuted in August 2016 with the album Square One, or should I say, Circle One.[1] They are also one of the most popular, talented, and overrated K-Pop girl groups in the world. The group also has a significant amount of toxic stans, like Dream's, which is usually formed by 14-year-old white Koreaboos who probably don't have a father figure.

Career[edit]

2016 and before[edit]

The counter for the age of the recruits. The younger, the better.

YGAY Entertainment originally had big plans for the group, with the project originally starting in 2009, after the debut of 2NE1, with the YG Family, one of the most notorious mafia gangs in South Korea, and one of the formidable rivals of Passione[2] beginning to recruit teenage girls from around the world, but not for comfort reasons.[3] Plans for debut began in 2011, with the line-up originally had more members but transferred to other labels because said former members realized that it's gay and they actually made the greatest choice of their life so they can be more free rather than spending their entire lives in a dungeon filled with trolls.[4] They were originally planned to debut in the first half of 2022, but due to some planned members leaving YGAY, the debut plan basically went through develpoment hell,[5] the project finally culminated in July 2016, with only four girls making it to the final line-up, debuting two months later.

The group made their debut with Circle One in August 2016, with the singles "Boombayah" and "Whistle", sweeping all major music charts with just two songs, they also got their first win in "Inkigayo" two weeks after debut, and ended their first promotions with another win a month after debut. Two months later, the group released the sequel to "Circle One", "Circle Two",[6] with the singles, "Playing With Fire" and "Stay", with the first song being disliked by the Fire Brigade for encouraging children to burn their ex-childhood sweethearts' hearts, thus combusting the entire kid. Once again, these sweeped the major music charts, and are known for being the last songs before the group eventually settled for one song per year.[7] They also won multiple awards as rookies in year-end award shows. Well, at least they aren't overworked ...

2017[edit]

One of the invited Jewdo masters

It was at this year where they finally decided to have only one comeback per year, as not to extremely overwork themselves, unlike their counterparts from JYP Entertainment (no hate tho, I'm a proud but closeted multistan). In January, the group announced their extremely lazy fandom name, "Blink",[8] which is just a shortened version of the group name, making their fans feel like they are honorary members. Five months later, the group released their first standalone single, "As If It's Your Last",[9] which also marked the beginning of their single-comeback-per-year era. The song charted at #1 on its release in Billboard, and sweeped YouTube records by being the most liked K-Pop MV at the time, and the record for the most views in the first 24 hours of release.[10] A month later, the group held a concert in the Nippon Budokan, a Japanese stadium originally created for Jewdo and Jewjutsu exhibitions. Before the main concert, a jewjutsu tournament was held, named "As If It's Your Last Battle". Multiple masters of the Jewish martial art were invited and participated in the battle, and the spectacle attracted about twenty thousand people[11] who treated their idols like their own religion. Most of the profits from the concert were used for unknown reasons, until the CEO was exposed for spending it all in gambling and alcohol,[12] causing the company to be in so much debt.A month later, the group released their first anime episode, which was titled after their group, which topped ratings of all TV networks and music charts.

2018[edit]

Blackpink in your area!

The person who stated this is extremely obvious.

100 days survival
A stolen T-34

The group continued on their tradition of having only one comeback per year during this year, which doesn't include solo careers. In January the group released the first episode of their show Blackpink House, which ran for twelve episodes, documenting their one-hundred-day survival in their vacation house,[13] while speedrunning to get to the End. It is not expected to get a season 2, giving the series the "No Game No Life"[14] treatment. Two months later, the group did a collaboration with the popular Japanese anime, Re:Zero, by releasing a rerelease album, titled Re:Blackpink,[15] alongside a DVD set with all their music videos and all episodes of Re:Zero. In June the group released their first Korean EP, Circle Up, with the lead singles "Ddu-Du Ddu-Du" and "Forever Young".[16] The music video of the former, as the latter doesn't even have an official music video, broke the record once again in being the most viewed video at the time, in 24 hours. The group then became notorious for stealing a T-34, which they repainted into looking like it's made of tiles, and used it in shopping indoors, using the cannon as the hanger for the products shopped. The music video also appears to be based on the preparation of killing this love, which was unveiled a year later, and is part of the Blackpink Cinematic Universe. A month later, the group toured in Japan, also as part of the Great Hallyu Expansion, where they also brought their tank to, as to intimidate the resisting Weeb Rebellion Force.[17] All shows for the tour were sold out, as they easily brainwashed the Japs to obey and comply to the New Empire, by using gyrations and funky beats. In October 2018 the group also started to join forces with the Interscope Forces, a military corps known for their precise gunmen, as to help in conquering the United States, where they also started collaborating with British singer Dua Lipa, with the song "Kiss, Hickeys, and Makeup", as part of the re-release of the former's debut album. A month later, Jennie had her solo debut with the song, "Solo". She was the first member to get a solo music career, because she is known as YG's Princess,[18] and the group released their new Japanese arsenal, "Blackpink in your Area". At the same time, the group started their contributions for World Domination, known as "BLACKPINK in your Area", meaning that they are serious in World Domination, starting in North Korea, then continuing on for the next year.

2019[edit]

The current extent of the Hallyu Empire

The group had began their conquest in America by first appearing at the Grammys New Artist Showcase, in February 2019, then by appearances to popular TV shows such as Good Morning America, a show extremely notorious for dissing the legend known as SuperMarioLogan,[19] and The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, a show known where everyone is late for recording, thus the name. They continued on their World Domination (Asia Arc) in January, starting in Thailand, then visiting Indonesia, Singapore, British China, Portugese China (which they visited on a separate date), the Philippines, Malaysia, and Original China.[20]

She ain't runnin' in the 90s, bitch.
Equal rights, equal fights.

In April the group released their third episode, "Kill This Love", along with the lead single of the same name. This song is about killing this so-called love, which apparently is toxic and made of plastic.[21] The music video was banned by KBS, also known as Korean Broadcast Censorship Company for multiple reasons. One, for encourage their listeners to murder their toxic significant other, two, for Roseanne Park trying to promote Initial D improperly, because she wasn't even drifting or wearing her seatbelt, and three, for the merch cards promoting the abuse of women (with some interpreting it as promoting equal rights, egual fights), as the members were seen with scars and bruises. At the same time, the group continued on their contributions for the World Domination by holding concerts in the US and Canada, where the group also performed at Coachella,[22] where Jennie was caught not singing properly, instead screaming out the lyrics,[23] and they were all part of the NA Arc. The group then continued on to their EU Arc and their Oceania Arc, where they performed in The Nether, Brexit, Deutschland, France, Spain, and Australia.[24] They also made guest appearances on Japanese music shows in October.

2020[edit]

You look so good, you look so sweet

More than a year after their last comeback, in May, the group released a collaboration with Lady Gaga, for the latter's new album. The title of the collaboration was Sour Candy, and was made for an advertisement of Sour Patch Kids.[25] A month later, the group released their new single, "How You Like That", which was included in their album, which was released four months later. In the Blackpink canon the song takes place sometime after "Kill This Love", and the members are seen in multiple different areas in the music video, then joining forces once again at the ending to finally kill this love. The song was titled so, because they are taking revenge from the toxic love they were fighting last year, in which they told the toxic love, "How You Like That?". The group then released a collaboration single with Selena Gomez, titled "Ice Cream", even though it has too many references to Shrex, most notably in the lyrics:[26][27]

Come a little closer 'cause you looking thirsty
I'ma make it better, sip it like a Slurpee
You look so good, you look so sweet
He's my favorite flavor, always gonna pick him
Netflix, every time they add a gay character or series.

In October, after a few months of inactivity which fans feared would last a long time,[28] the group released their first album, simply titled The Album,[29] alongside the single "Lovesick Girls". The song, in the lore, takes place in different eras, with some scenes taking place before the "Kill This Love" era, such as the members being in a toxic and abusive relationship, to the point that Jennie had to see a psychologist,[30] and some scenes taking place some time after "How You Like That", such as the members celebrating their freedom from the toxic love. Sales for the lazily named album marked the first time ever that a K-Pop girl group sold more than a million copies of a single album.[31] Ahead of the album's release, the group appeared on Released, YouTube's new music show, as the first featured artist, obviously run by the YouTube Music channel.[32] The album also got a re-release in The Land of the Weebs, with the album just adding the Kabuki[33] remixes of some of their songs, and was released a year later.[34] At the same time, the group released their docufilm, which was totally original and not copied from somebody else, and was titled Blackpink:Light Up the Sky, which was released on Netflix only for the excessive amount of gay skinship from the members.[35] Aside from being about the relationships of the members with each other. it was about their lives from their training until the present day, where they are now regarded as one of the greatest military corps in the Hallyu Empire.

2021[edit]

For this year, no group comebacks were released, instead focusing on their solo careers.

Bow down to the queen of the ghetto.

In January the group held their first virtual concert, which was also given an extremely slothful title, The Show.[36] The concert was held as a collaboration with YouTube Music, and is where the group shown their license as part of the Supreme YouTube corps, which is currently being ruled by the king himself, Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg, with the notoriously unoriginal Coco trying to steal said title.[37] A few months later, in March, Rosé released her solo album, R, with the singles "Gone", and "On the Ground". The album, as suggested, is rated R-13 and should be listened to only by kids who think they are mature enough. The two singles are still part of the BPCU, and talk about the member's individual struggle with the emptiness that came after their victory against the toxic love,[38] and how everything is falling apart for her, bringing her to insanity. "On the Ground" was also accused of having plagiarised "Pitbull" from the Canine Rapper's hit song, "On The Floor". A few months later, in September, Lisa made her solo debut with another lazily titled album, which is simply just her name, Lalisa, and featured the singles "Lalisa", in which she just introduced herself as the baddest bitch in the ghetto, and "Money". Both songs showcased her proud heritage from the ghettoes of Thailand.[39] The rapper also did a collaboration with three more rappers in October, including Megan Thee Stallion, who was known to be a weeb and for ruining the masterpiece known as "We Don't Talk About Bruno"[40][41][42] The collab was titled "SG", and is probably about Singapore.

The album cover of R.

In December Jisoo made her solo debut as an actress on the show Snowdrop, a Korean drama aired on JTBC in Korea, and on Disney XD internationally. The series takes place in 1987, when two college students fall in love with each other in the midst of the political upheaval.

2022[edit]

Shameless copycat.

In January Jennie appeared in the music video of the anime song "Shinigami Eyes", for Death Note, as a collaboration with Grimes, the ex-wife of the legendary hero, Elon Musk,[43] and the mother of our Emperor, X Æ A-XII of Mars. Other than that, no more information has been released for the group, aside from them participating in Fashion Shows, blending in with the other stand users. In July it was confirmed that the group will have their comeback with their second album by August, after being delayed for a whole entire year, and was delayed again to September.[44] Their second album, titled Born Pink, will probably reveal their support to the Kakampinks, and will probably include a remix, their own rendition of "Ito Na Ang Ating Pinuno", the ear-shattering campaign jingle.[45] The group did a collaboration with PUBG Mobile, a notorious copycat of the extremely epic games Call of Duty and Fortnite,[46] by releasing "Ready For Love (Round 2.0)" and holding a virtual concert. The collaboration was slammed for multiple reasons:

  1. It allegedly copied the concept of aespa and is against the commands of Naviism.
  2. Only mobile users can access it, and not those chads who prefer to play PUBG in their PC.
  3. It is not available in India.

The group and their music then became illegal in India for supporting the pro-China game.[47] It was also confirmed that they will hold another world tour, starting in October, even though there is still two fucking pandemics going on, including the new monkeypox, which affects mostly gay furries.

It was also announced that Jennie would be making her acting debut on The Idol for HBO (Hobos and Bums Box Office), which is a story about a cult leader who gets into a complicated relationship with a rising star, which I'm hoping, for the sake of the Conservative Corps, not to be a same-sex one.

Members[edit]

disclaimer: The mafia ranks mentioned below are obviously false and made up.[48]

Jisoo[edit]

Jisoo
KimJisoo.jpg
Background Information
Birthdate January 3, 1995 (age 27)
Birthplace Gunpo, South Korea
Position Lead Vocalist, Visual, Yellow Teletubby
...

Kim Jisoo (Joseonmal: 김지수), mostly known by her stage name, Jisoo, is a South Korean idol and actress under La Famiglia YG, where she happens to have the rank of five-star Caporegime as of present, and is the de facto leader of the group.

Personal life[edit]

Kim Jisoo was born on January 3, 1995, somewhere in the suburbs of Seoul. Her family consisted of her parents, grandparents, older brother, and older sister, making her the youngest sibling. Her status as the youngest sibling probably helped a lot in her future, as she is probably spoiled and was allowed by her parents to audition (apply) for La Famiglia YG as a mafia idol. In her childhood she also played basketball[49] and was a practicioner of the ancient arts and techniques of Tae Kwon Do, which helped in her mafia career. During her time as a trainee training for an extremely delayed debut, which took five years,[50] she made a few cameos in the music videos of her seniors in YG, and appeared in a few advertisements. She made her major acting debut in late 2021, as one of the leads of the controversial Disney XD and JTBC series Snowdrop (more information above). Fortunately, she didn't have to and wasn't forced to wear purity rings, unlike the other stars of Disney.

Unhelpful information[edit]

Endorsements: Samsonite, Smart Uniform, LG Electronics, Nikon, It Michaa, CELEBe, Kiss Me, MapleStory, Cartier, Dior, KartRider +

Jennie[edit]

Jennie
KimJennie.jpg
Background Information
Birthdate January 16, 1996 (age 26)
Birthplace Cheongdam-dong (Da Hood), Seoul, South Korea
Position Main Rapper, Lead Vocals, Red Teletubby
...

Jennie Kim (Hangugeo: 김제니), mostly known by her stage name, Jennie, is a South Korean singer and rapper, and is also a one-star Consigliere of La Famiglia YG, and is also known as "YG's Princess", and is probably next in line for the Boss position.

Personal life[edit]

Jennie was born in the South Korean hood of Cheongdam-dong, Gangnam-gu, a place known for its night culture and for being a residential area for the Crazy Rich Asians,[51] on January 16, 1996, as an only child. When she was 8, she and her family went on a trip to Australia and New Zealand.[52] Seeing that she loved the place so much her parents let her move to a homestay family. Two years later, she made her first appearance on Korean TV as part of a documentary about Korean children living overseas.[53] In 2010 her parents had plans to move her to study in Florida, a place notoriously known for their people's extremely weird culture. Despite this, her parents supported her decision to move back to South Korea to to train in the Trainee's Dungeon[54] for a few years. before finally debuting as a member of Blackpink. She made her solo debut on November 12, 2018, with the single "Solo", which was about her duality as a woman, and topped the charts in its release.[55] Four years later, she made her acting debut on The Idol, for the Hobo Channel (more info above).

Dating[edit]

As of 2022 she has been in three dating rumors, in which two were confirmed to be true. In 2018 it was confirmed by SM Entertainment that she was dating EXO's Kai, but the couple broke up a month after the announcement. In late 2021 it was confirmed that she was dating labelmate G-Dragon. There were rumors that the two broke up because of BTS's Taehyung, who was her new boyfriend,[56] but were proven to be false.

Unhelpful information[edit]

Endorsements: Hera, KT Corporation, Lotte Confectionery, Lotte Chilsung, Chanel Korea, Calvin Klein, Gentle Monster

Rosé[edit]

Rosé
RoseannePark.jpg
Background Information
Birthdate February 11, 1997 (age 25)
Birthplace Auckland, New Zealand
Position Main Vocalist, Lead Dancer, Purple Teletubby
...

Roseanne Park/Park Chaeyoung (Korean:박채영), known mostly by her stage name, Rosé, is a South Korean-Kiwi idol, and is a five-star Caporegime from La Famiglia YG, and is the English Queen of the group, hailing from the Land Down Under.

Personal Life[edit]

Rosé was born to South Korean immigrants in Auckland, New Zealand, on February 11, 1997. She also has an older sister named Alice. When she was 7, her family moved to Melbourne, Australia, where she spent most of her childhood and where her life got flipped, turned upside down.[57] She also learned how to play the piano and guitar as a child, and was also a member of a church choir.[58] Before moving to South Korea in 2012 for her training, she studied law for a few years. Her parents were actually the ones who encouraged her to fulfill her dreams by auditioning for La Famiglia YG, where she ranked first among seven hundred participants. In her four years of being in the training dungeon, she also got the opportunity to feature on a song by Jennie's future boyfriend, which was kept a secret until the group's debut. On March 12, 2021, she made her solo debut with "Rated R", with the lead single "On the Ground", which was originally going to be titled "On the Floor", but was changed to avoid a copyright strike from Jennifer Lopez.

Unhelpful information[edit]

Endorsements: Kiss Me, Perfect World Mobile, 252 BY OIOI, OIOICOLLECTION, Calm, Homeplus, Yves Saint Laurent, Tiffany & Co.

Lisa[edit]

Lisa
LalisaManoban.jpg
Background Information
Birthdate March 27, 1997 (age 25)
Birthplace Hood District, Buriram Province, Thailand
Position Main Dancer, Lead Rapper, Sub Vocalist, Maknae, Green Teletubby
...

Lalisa Manoban (Siamese: ลลิษา มโนบาล), born Pranpriya Manoban (Thai: ปราณปรียา มโนบาล), is a Thai idol singer and rapper based in South Korea under La Famiglia YG, and is currently a seven-star Caporegime.

Personal Life[edit]

Lisa was born as Pranpriya Manoban as an only child on March 27, 1997, on Buriram Province, Thailand. She never met her biological father, and was raised by her mother and a Swiss stepfather, who is a famous chef based in Thailand, and treated her as his own. She legally changed her name to Lalisa after a fortune teller told her it would give her good luck,[59] which actually helped in her career. At the age of 4, she began taking dance lessons, and frequently joined competitions in her childhood. She also was part of a dance crew with Got7's BamBam, where the two became close friends to this day. She made her first TV appearance on a dance competition in 2009, with her team who won a special award. A year later she auditioned for YG Entertainment and was the only one who qualified among four thousand. She began her training in 2011, which made her the first non-ethnically Korean trainee, and appeared in her senior's music videos as a back-up dancer. She made her solo debut with the single "Lalisa", on September 10, 2021.[60]

Health[edit]

In December 2021, Lisa tested positive for the Ligma variant of COVID-19, which she caught after performing with Imagine Dragons, during SawCon 2021, sponsored by BofA and Dietz Nuts,[61] as a majority of people didn't observe the minimum health protocols.

Unhelpful information[edit]

Endorsements: Moonshot, AIS Thailand, Ragnarok M: Eternal Love, Adidas, D&G Downy, Mengniu Dairy, Brawl Stars, MAC Cosmetics, Vivo, Celine, Penshoppe, Bulgari

Bouncywikilogo.gif

For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Blackpink.

See also[edit]

References[edit]

  1. "Squidward"
  2. Giorno Giovanna has a dream.
  3. the Hallyu Empire about to commit a war crime
  4. also known as 14-year-old white girls
  5. Mother 3
  6. Squidward
  7. Well, at least they aren't overworked ...
  8. lazier than their management team
  9. comeback
  10. sad Pewdie noises
  11. mostly Japanese-Korean Jews
  12. still not alcohol-free
  13. Minecraft
  14. Haha, big sad.
  15. Rem best girl, fight me.
  16. possible only through the power of Hamon
  17. Unfortunately, the mass persecution of weebs is becoming more widespread as the Hallyu Empire proceeds to take over the entire universe.
  18. favoritism
  19. Hey Daddy, wanna see my pencil?
  20. -100 social credit
  21. Video on YouTube
  22. lame
  23. HaaaAAAhhhHhhHHH
  24. rise up lights
  25. sour candy
  26. which were slammed once again by Conservatives
  27. Very sus. No need for sus remix.
  28. YGAY doesn't give a shit about their idols' promotions, because they only want money.
  29. extremely lazy
  30. Take your normal pills every four hours.
  31. even though the name is lazy
  32. the top 1 channel before T-Series
  33. YoooOOOooo!
  34. slothful
  35. Netflix loves gays.
  36. YG, please be more creative with your idols' concert and album names.
  37. Leave your memes in the Reddit, 19-year-olds, and I'll measure your peepees in the next episode of LWIAY.
  38. emo
  39. da hood, ana
  40. worst Oscars ever
  41. The real reason why we don't talk about Bruno as that she will just join in out of nowhere.
  42. Every day all the kids wanna hear is Bruno this, Bruno that – it's the new "Let It Go".
  43. Hail to our legendary king and liberator!
  44. YG, this is the seventh time in a row where you delayed your idols' comebacks.
  45. sabihin ko pangalan, sabihin nyo apelyido
  46. Wow, totally original
  47. standard T-series
  48. of course
  49. Come on and slam, and welcome to the jam!
  50. YG, king of delay
  51. richest hood in da world
  52. where she never ran into her future bandmate
  53. Seriously, there are a lot of these children.
  54. also known as the YG General Dungeon
  55. clearly the most overrated member
  56. Wilbur Soot reference
  57. Bad Australia joke. I'm sorry, Australians.
  58. stereotypical Asian Christian kid
  59. superstitious Asians
  60. a day before the tenth anniversary of 9/11
  61. deez nuts

More on the Glorious Empire, the Homeland of the famous mafia GODFATHER of the Famiglia YG, Yang Hyunsuk[edit]