Finno-Korean hyperwar

Finno-Korean Hyperwar
Clockwise, from top left: The Battle of Siberia, The Siege of Helsink, The Sack of Gangzhou, Emperor Kim II-Sung I Hwan at the activation of the Giza Mass Autism Array
Date 8245-6172 BC (2073 years) Location Finland, Russia, Crimea, Central Asian Steppes, Lemuria, Proto-Finnic Mediterranean colones, The Levant, Egypt, Sri Lanka, Indochina, China, Siberia, Korean Peninsula, Outer Space. Result Departure of the Nephilim, (c. 8000 BC) Disappearance of Lemuria Hwan Civil War, (6201-? BC) Imperial Defeat: Collapse of the Hwan Empire, Hwan Civil War Indo-European Rebellion, (c. 6000 BC) "Third Neanderthal Genocide" Japan moves 2000 miles west (for some reason) The Great Retardation, (c. 5000-3000 BC) Mel Brooks Defeated: Retard influence confined to Israel The Sinking of Doggerland We forgot that place existed Collapse of the Finnish Khaganate, Complete loss of Finnish Social skills (War on) Autism begins in Finland and spreads globally The War on Autism, Finnic Theater Ongoing Territorial changes Partition of Proto-Finnish Khaganate Hwan Africa ceded: King Wewuz I
Belligerents
Great Hwan Empire	Proto-Finnic Holy Roman Khaganate Commune of Lemuria
Commanders and leaders
Joseon the Bold Ching-Chong Nipnong Girls' Generation (SNSD) Jackie Chan (holding infant in ladder factory) Obi-wan “Ken” Kenobi Gaius Julius Caesar	Spurdo Spârde I Spurdo I Spârda Spardo I Spurdo Spürdo Sparde II Spurdo Fred McFeely Rogers Genghis khan nge‘=olawiop of Lemuria Tiemo (disputed)
Strength
In total: 121,400,000 at peak ~500 Imperial Jedi Knights 20,530 Augmented Cavalry Great Imperial Starfleet ~300 Korean Proto-Ninjas Jackie Chan	In total: 110,000,000 at peak ~2100 Ursine Cavalry 32,500 Pre-Horse Archers Lemurian Fleet, Sol Div. ~2500 Swiss Mercenaries A Tyrannosaurus Rex
Casualties and losses
Casualties: Heavy ground losses Jackie Chan 400 knights and 800 soldiers captured Precise number of dead or wounded is stil unknown, however it is estimated that these were as follows: Military: 190,000,000 Civilian: 3,600,000,000 Losses: Imperial Starfleet vaporized Hwan Empire collapsed Approximately 3 inches of average penis length	Heavy ground losses: Confirmed losses: ~2.000,000 dead, over 10.000.000 wounded Estimated Losses: Military: 184,000,000 Civilian: 4,100,000,000 Lemurian forces disappear from Earth Proto-Finnic Khaganate partitioned, then dissolved Finnish social skills

The Finno-Korean Hyperwar, also known as the Hwan-Suomi Hyperwar, was an ancient war between the two most powerful empires in the world at the time. The Proto-Finnic Holy Roman Khaganate faced off against the Great Hwan Empire in a cataclysmic conflict that crashed the world with no survivors. Few groups survived the war, which claimed both the Proto-Finnic Khaganate and the Hwan empire. It is well known for bringing the end of the Hyper Era and bringing the world into a "dark age". The war was fought from between 8245 - 6172 BC. It is commonly debated how great of a role the secondary powers played in the war, as it is suggested that the Wewuz, Kang and Shied technocracies allied with the Hwan to stop the Finnish. The war is usually said to have begun with the Hwan invasion of Finnish India and ended with a mutual exchange of experimental Hyperspace missile strikes that caused levels of man-made destuction unparalleled across the known multiverse to this day, complete breakdown of all Hyperspace travel and communication due to the emergent Hyperstorm and rapid decline and collapse of both empires, although the Hwan are considered to have been technically victorious.

The Emu confederacy is also considered a belligerent in the war, though they were not allied with the Finnish and merely invaded Japan. Most of what we know about the Emu faction comes from the writings of Arthur Semenitis. He writes of how the Emu confederacy colonized Mars, unfortunately their colony was destroyed by a sonic flare gun from the nether regions of the Lemurian Empire. Semenitis (native to Emu Mars) is said to have contracted mental illness later on his life from excess exposure to radioactive sonic rays.

Start

8000 to 6000 years ago.

If the Turan or Ural-Altaic hypothesis is to be believed, it is likely that the (Uralic) Finnish Empire and the (Altaic) Korean Empire were closely connected before the war. The war could then be a large-scale civil war. On the other hand, it is equally possible that the similarities were due to the massive shifts in territorial control caused by the war.

The Hwan polity is known from the highly-credible historical Korean text Hwandan Gogi, though the ancient Koreans appear to have a longer "year" compared to ours (much like their phalluses). The Finnish side only claims the existence of a united "Turan" empire, possibly the same as Finngolia. One explanation of this situation is that the Hwan was a secessionist faction.

End

After the collapse of the Hwan empire, the Proto-Finnic Khaganate withdrew soldiers from Asia to fight the War on Autism and ADHD. The Khaganate was unsuccessful, and Autism consumed and collapsed the empire while ADHD started a new revolution. From the ashes of the two empires gave rise to later civilizations. Asia, now depopulated, gave rise to many branches of peoples. Europe, now demolished by autism, was eventually repopulated by Indo-Europeans starting with the ancient Greek civilizations, then the Roman Empire, then other shit. Eventually leading to the Modern Era

There is some controversy as to how and when the war ended. Some people argue that the wars between Rome and Parthia, the crusades, the Mongol conquests, World War 1, and World War 2 are continuations of the Hyper War. Additionally, the war on Autism is arguably still ongoing in Finland.

Linguists in the 1800s have picked up some similarities between the Uralic languages (which includes Finnish) and Altaic languages (which includes Korean). It is possible that this Ural-Altaic similarity is an artifact of this ancient event. Turanist movements in many countries memorize legacies of the two empires.

Aftermath

Timeline about all the different amounts of time between now and then.

The war turned earth into hyper wasteland which causes many of the Old Powers to collapse and the first Proto-Indo-Europeans and the descendants of Yakub's best creations, the Hyperboreans emerge from their creation pods in Yakubian Laboratories. The Proto-Indo-Europeans then spread themselves across the Earth. Various primitive states found success in Post-Hyperwar world, The space faring Harrapans ruled by Mahapasas IV or the hidden Jinn city of Iran and the Boreal realm of Hyperborea inhabited by blond pale giants and was ruled by a Holy Khagnate which resembled the earlier Proto-Finnic Holy Roman Khaganate, but by far the most famous being the Subterranean realm of Agartha which was ruled by a confederation made up of many different races. This would end after extraterrestrials from outer space invaded Earth. The various conquerors rush to conquer the many technologically primitive realms of Earth. While Fierce desperate wars were fought most of Mankinf was enslaved by extraterrestrials. While technology had begun to recover during this time, it was under the control of increasingly cunning and malevolent alien overlords like the shape-shifting telepathic reptilian humanoids from Alpha Centauri known as the centurions. However, even this time of alien dominance would come to an end after Maldek was destroyed. The planet was involved in a nuclear Kaiju War, which resulted in the destruction of Maldek as well as the planets Nibiru and Tiamat. The radiation from this war spread throughout the solar system, killing all life except for humans, who were spared because the people of Maldek had become second-order beings after the destruction and making use of The Earth's population was shielded from radiation, much like that of its neighbors, but soul transference nonetheless transferred the residents' souls to Earth because of the planet's comparable biome to Maldek. This resulted in a large Aliens left the solar system in droves, leaving behind a variety of alien slaves brought by their masters. The aliens also took Earth's industry and technology with them, resulting in technological regression and the rise of human hybrids. As a result, the aliens and humans are now reduced to Stone Age civilizations that fight over archaic artifacts, When survivors from Maldek came in generation ships, this age of barbarism would come to an end. Eons later, the highly developed Atlanteans emerged. The barbaric races of Earth struck right away, and eventually Humanity and their kin would forge a hybrid race of as Muans who co-existed with Atlanteans on the continent of muon the continent of Mu. A technological Renaissance would occur and bring technology back to the planet, but it wouldn't last as a Kaiju war between Muans and Atlanteans followed by an unknown cataclysmic event that would lead to the entire continent sinking into the ocean the Atlanteans by this time retreated to the island of Atlantis and started a new golden age over the planet their technomancy became so great they soon turned to Hedonism and depraved acts for pleasure the gods of Olympus grew too disgusted and sunk the entire Island into the ocean Atlantis would leave behind many colonies which would go on to form independent kingdoms the most technologically advanced would be the pre-diluvian Babylonia which was ruled by God like alien refugees from Nibiru known as the Anunnaki who wish to uplift Earth's inhabitants in reality they were miners who took advantage of gullible humans to create a minor race of gold deposit workers on Earth while also creating a giant race to haul huge loads their power and Technology reached heights thought impossible but after a faithful dig site uncovering fossils from the finno-korean past fearing this discovery could create a massive space and orbited Earth where they melted the glaciers which caused a huge flood killing most of the planet's population they returned retaught the small group of survivors agriculture and instructed them to rebuild Anunnaki megastructures once finished the Anunnaki left Earth promising to return using the Mayan long Count Calendar

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  Mel Brooks at the battle of the Nile, moments before being vaporized by Meso-Babylonian Cyborgs

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  Autismic dissident Jesus Christ banished to deep space in the Palestinian Cryo Capsule.

Further reading

• Other instances of the page: goosnav, /his/pedia (archived), He-Gabe Fandom
• Surprisingly coherent reading of the top image by MasterOfRoflness, some dude on TouYube.
• KnowYourMeme page, which is also somehow coherent.

PERRRKELE!!