Finno-Korean hyperwar
| Finno-Korean Hyperwar | |||||||||
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 Clockwise, from top left: The Battle of Siberia, The Siege of Helsink, The Sack of Gangzhou, Emperor Kim II-Sung I Hwan, at the activation of the Giza Mass Autism Array, Battle of Al-Batukum, Battle of Amba-tublu, the Ozymandite-hwan battle of doggerland |
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| Belligerents | |||||||||
 Great Hwan Empire
Fannar antarctic Kingdom |  Proto-Finnic Holy Roman Khaganate
??? of Lemuria (political instability lead to constantly changing governments) |
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| Commanders and leaders | |||||||||
| Emperor Kim II-Sung I Hwan
Empress Seondeok Hwan Joseon the Bold Girls' Generation (SNSD) Jackie Chan (holding infant in ladder factory) Gaius Julius Caesar (Until 7957) Van Darkholme Dungeon Slave Master Hwang Sun-Jin John Halo Fannar Smith Dorian Popa Marneus Calgar Jaddar Jexiszuir Ms. Lag NBA YoungBoy | Khagan Väinämöinen "the Ultimate" von Habsburg
Khatun Lupa Capitolina Tros von Habsburg Spurdo Spârde I Spurdo I Spârda Spardo I Spurdo Spürdo Sparde II Spurdo Fred McFeely Rogers Gaius Julius Caesar (After 7957) nge‘=olawiop of Lemuria Tiemo (disputed) John Helldiver Heinrich Himmler Chewbacca Heinrich Rahle Racism (person) Moguwon Wolfborn Chief Väinö King Von |
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| Strength | |||||||||
| In total: 122,700,000 at peak
~500 Imperial Jedi Knights 20,530 Augmented Cavalry The Great Imperial Starfleet 5 snow striders 69 fătălăi ~300 Korean Proto-Ninjas 1 Automaton Factory Strider 1,300,000 fannars The Ultramarines chapter (~1000 Ultramarines) A Xenomorph hive The entire Happy Canteen feeder | In total: 110,000,000 at peak
~2100 Ursine Cavalry 32,500 Pre-Horse Archers John Helldiver Lemurian Fleet, Sol Div. ~2500 Swiss Mercenaries A Tyrannosaurus Rex A Battle Mammoth The magic pencil ~ 85 enchanted shotguns The predator
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| Casualties and losses | |||||||||
| 200 Jedi Knights
786 guys named Daniel Jackie Chan (Rush Hour 4 cancelled) 3 snow striders John Halo Fannar Smith 400 knights and 86,000 soldiers captured, imprisoned underneath Giza Autism Array Precise number of dead unknown, estimates are the following: Military: 191,300,000 Civilian: 3,603,000,000 Imperial Starfleet vaporized Hwan Empire collapsed Jedi Order in Heijo-Kyo, Gyeongju, and Xianyang annihilated 12 Xenomorphs Approximately 3 inches of average penis length | Confirmed losses:
~40,000,000 dead, 12 wounded Estimated Losses: Military: 184,000,000 Civilian: 4,100,000,000 Lemurian forces disappear from Earth Proto-Finnic Khaganate partitioned, then dissolved Finnish social skills King Von 99% of germs |
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The Finno-Korean Hyperwar, also known as the Hwan-Suomi Hyperwar, was an ancient war between the two most powerful empires in the world at the time. The Proto-Finnic Holy Roman Khaganate faced off against the Hwan Empire in a cataclysmic conflict that crashed the world with almost no survivors. Few groups survived the war, which claimed both the Proto-Finnic Khaganate and the Hwan empire. It is well known for bringing the end of the Hyper Era and bringing the world into a "dark age". The war was fought from between 8245 - 6172 BC. It is commonly debated how great of a role the secondary powers played in the war, as it is suggested that the Wewuz, Kang, Shied and Egyptian technocracies allied with the Hwan to stop the Finnish. The war is usually said to have begun with the Hwan invasion of Finnish India and ended with a mutual exchange of experimental Hyperspace missile strikes that caused levels of man-made destruction unparalleled across the known multiverse to this day, complete breakdown of all Hyperspace travel and communication due to the emergent Hyperstorm and rapid decline and collapse of both empires, although the Hwan are considered to have been technically victorious Followed by the outbreak of autism by the last emperor of the Hwan Empire, Emperor Kim Il Sung before he end his life, after a civil war, leading to the Finno-Autistic War until now.
The Emu confederacy is also considered a belligerent in the war, though they were not allied with the Finnish and merely invaded Japan. Most of what we know about the Emu faction comes from the writings of Arthur Semenitis. He writes of how the Emu confederacy colonized Mars, but unfortunately their colony was destroyed by a sonic flare gun from the nether regions of the Lemurian Empire. Semenitis (native to Emu Mars) is said to have contracted mental illness later on his life from excess exposure to radioactive sonic rays.
Start
8000 to 6000 years ago.
If the Turan or Ural-Altaic hypothesis is to be believed, it is likely that the (Uralic) Finnish Empire and the (Altaic) Korean Empire were closely connected before the war. The war could then be a large-scale civil war. On the other hand, it is equally possible that the similarities were due to the massive shifts in territorial control caused by the war.[1]
The Hwan polity is known from the highly-credible historical Korean text Hwandan Gogi, though the ancient Koreans appear to have a longer "year" compared to ours (much like their phalluses). The Finnish side only claims the existence of a united "Turan" empire, possibly the same as Finngolia. One explanation of this situation is that the Hwan was a secessionist faction.
There are various sources implying one of the causes of the war was a dispute over who was the rightful Roman Emperor according to Babylonian tablets, Hywarken, Emperor of Humanity, Master of the Universe, died with twin sons each laying claim to the title. The first son asserted that he was born five minutes before his brother and thus the eldest and rightful Emperor. The second son asserted that their father appointed him as his successor in a private conversation and that he was the rightful Emperor. The Empire was split between the two to prevent civil war, with the first son founding the Hwan dynasty and the second founding the Habsburg dynasty. Some sources also imply that both nations went to war over an ancestral land of Turan in north-central Asia which was right at the border of two empires
Lemurian Involvement
Strategic Position: Lemuria, often referred to as the "Lost Continent," was an ancient and mysterious landmass with advanced mystical knowledge and powerful artifacts. Its strategic location and mystical prowess made it a coveted ally and target during the Hyperwar.
Key Figures
- High Priest Lemminkäinen: A revered spiritual leader and formidable sorcerer. Lemminkäinen was known for his wisdom and mastery of ancient Lemurian magic.
- Empress Seondeok: While primarily a Korean leader, Empress Seondeok's alliance with the Lemurians played a pivotal role in the conflict.
Major Contributions
- The Lemurians were renowned for their defensive capabilities, harnessing ancient spells and protective wards. These mystical defenses were crucial in repelling initial invasions and safeguarding key Lemurian sites, including the Lemurian Citadel. Arcane Weaponry:Lemuria contributed significantly to the development and deployment of arcane weaponry. Their scholars and mages collaborated with the Koreans to create powerful artifacts and enchanted weaponry, which were used in various battles. Cultural and Spiritual Influence:Lemuria's rich cultural heritage and spiritual teachings inspired and bolstered the morale of allied forces. High Priest Lemminkäinen's guidance was instrumental in maintaining unity and purpose among the Lemurian and allied troops.
Key Battles Involving Lemuria
Siege of Lemurian Citadel:The Korean forces, led by Empress Seondeok, in the mid-7000s, began an offensive onto Mur, occasionally called the Lemurian Citadel, putting about 982 Million Lemurians at risk of absolute pulverization. Mass evacuations began, but it turns out even with incredibly advanced technology beyond your comprehension, you still can't prevent traffic jams. Only 20,000 Lemurians managed to escape Mur before Hwan paratroopers converged on the skies of Mur, launching several bombs of unknown name, but are said to be roughly as strong as 500 modern bombs, killing hundreds of thousands of fleeing Lemurians. The Lemurians decided that it would be completely necessary to utilize Hyperflak technology to basically blow the still-descending paratroopers to pieces, though K-Pop Shields limited the effectiveness of the Hyperflaks. This resulted in a swift destruction of Mur, and Lemuria made the terrible decision of intentionally exploding the Mur Nuclear Hypercore, resulting in the Destruction of Mur and the neighboring major city of Le. 1.2 Billion died in this battle and resulting explosion, causing the total collapse of Lemuria and a short warlord era before it dissapeared.
The Mysterious Disappearance
- In the aftermath of the Hyperwar, Lemuria's disappearance remains one of the greatest enigmas. Various theories suggest that the continent was either submerged due to geological upheavals or shifted to another plane of existence through powerful magic. The exact cause and nature of Lemuria's disappearance continue to be subjects of speculation and intrigue.
Legacy
- Despite its disappearance, Lemuria's legacy endured through its mystical teachings and artifacts. The knowledge and artifacts left behind continued to influence subsequent civilizations and conflicts, preserving the memory of Lemuria's unique role in the Hyperwar.
Middle
7000 years ago
Many scholars don’t know much about the middle of the Finno-Korean hyperwar. However, some of them have theorized that members of the Nephilim came and battled the Hwans in doggerland. During this time John Helldiver had rose to power supporting the Finnish army against the Hwans. Eventually John Helldiver had met John Halo who was a Hwan spy at the time. Eventually John Halos identity was revealed leading to John Helldiver to assassinate John halo in Central Russia during an expedition. This event lead to the Hwans to ramp up military activity in that region. In response to the spying of the Hwans the Finnish deployed Null Mines that could open up Null Zones around that area causing enemies to noclip into the backrooms. These Null Mines proved very effective though the Hwan soldiers that were sent to the backrooms began to establish a military presence in the backrooms that outlasted the hwan empire. A hundred years after the assassination of John Halo the Hwan empire began attempting to contact members of the Hwan empire from the future through they accidentally opened a portal to hell. The hellish forces invading the land where gobi desert is causing it to be permanently scorched. The demons went on to found Detroit.
Notable battles
Battle of Hyun-Ko Valley: The Koreans launched a series of coordinated attacks using advanced projectile weapons and stealth units. Their goal was to disrupt the Proto-Finnish supply lines. Khagan Väinämöinen von Habsburg, utilizing the terrain, orchestrated a counteroffensive. His warriors, adept at guerrilla tactics, ambushed the Koreans in the narrow passes. The Koreans deployed their experimental energy shields, creating a temporary but decisive advantage. The Proto-Finnish forces, despite their valiant efforts, were forced to retreat.
Battle of the Tunguska Impact: It was the result of a Korean energy weapon being detonated during a major battle. The weapon's explosion devastated the region, resulting in the famous Tunguska explosion.
battle for the Baltic: An intense naval and underwater battle. The Proto-Finnic Holy Roman Khaganate deployed their underwater warships and the Koreans retaliated with advanced aquatic drones. The battle is said to have created the so-called Baltic Sea Anomaly, a mysterious underwater object.
Siege of Helsinki: Helsinki, the capital of the Proto-Finnish Khaganate, was a symbol of power and a key logistical hub. The city’s fall would deal a significant blow to the Proto-Finnish morale and command structure. General Hwang Sun-Jin led the Korean forces, implementing a naval blockade to cut off supplies and reinforcements to Helsinki. Chief Väinö, anticipating the siege, fortified the city's defenses, stockpiling resources and preparing the population for a prolonged conflict. The siege began with a series of probing attacks by the Koreans to test the city's defenses. These skirmishes targeted key fortifications and aimed to stretch the Proto-Finnish forces thin.: Chief Väinö’s forces, using their intimate knowledge of the city's layout, repelled the initial assaults with minimal losses. The Koreans intensified the siege with relentless artillery bombardments. Siege engines and magical artillery rained destruction upon Helsinki’s walls and key infrastructures. Korean sappers attempted to undermine the city walls, while engineers constructed siege towers and battering rams to breach the defenses. Chief Väinö’s defenders employed counter-mining tactics to thwart the sappers. They also utilized hidden passages to launch surprise counterattacks on the besieging forces. The siege turned into a grueling war of attrition. The defenders, though resilient, faced dwindling supplies and mounting casualties. The Koreans, determined to break the city's resistance, maintained pressure on multiple fronts. Helsinki’s civilians, driven by a sense of patriotism, played a crucial role in the defense. They assisted in fortification repairs, provided logistical support, and fought alongside the soldiers when necessary. After months of relentless siege, General Hwang Sun-Jin ordered a decisive assault. The Koreans launched a multi-pronged attack, using siege towers to scale the walls and battering rams to break the gates. The battle within the city was brutal, with intense street-to-street and hand-to-hand combat. The defenders, led by Chief Väinö, fought valiantly but were ultimately overwhelmed by the superior numbers and firepower of the Korean forces. The fall of Helsinki marked a significant victory for the Koreans. The city’s capture dealt a heavy blow to the Proto-Finnish Khaganate, leading to the collapse of their central command and accelerating the end of the war. The siege’s end saw extensive destruction and loss of life. The Koreans established a provisional government to restore order, while the remaining Proto-Finnish forces retreated to regroup and continue resistance in other regions. The Siege of Helsinki stands as a testament to the resilience and bravery of its defenders and the determination of the besieging forces. It was a pivotal event that significantly influenced the course of the war.
Battle of Mount Baekdu: This battle supposedly took place on the slopes of the volcanic mountain. Both sides used geothermal weapons and energy beams harnessed from the volcano itself. The skirmish is said to have altered the landscape of the mountain.
Assault on the Finnish Space Elevators: The conflict reached space, with both sides constructing massive space elevators. The Koreans launched an all-out assault to seize control of the Finnish space infrastructure. The battle involved spaceborne laser arrays and robotic troops. However there aren't any historical sources on the effect of the battle
Battle of the Gobi Desert: A large-scale confrontation in the desolate Gobi Desert. Both sides deployed their most advanced desert warfare technology, including autonomous sand crawlers and heat-ray weapons.
Battle of the Jeju island Admiral Park Yeon led a formidable Korean naval fleet. The initial plan was to establish a beachhead on the island, securing key positions before the main Proto-Finnish forces could respond. Warlord Kullervo, commanding the Proto-Finnish defenders, anticipated the Korean landing. He fortified the island's coastal defenses, using natural terrain to his advantage. The Korean forces launched a meticulously coordinated amphibious assault. Waves of landing craft, supported by naval artillery, approached the island's shores. Specially trained units led the charge, securing the beaches under heavy fire. Proto-Finnish defenders, entrenched in well-fortified positions, offered fierce resistance. The coastal defenses included hidden artillery emplacements and strategically placed traps, making the Korean advance costly and difficult. Once the Koreans established a beachhead, the battle moved inland. The dense forests and rugged terrain of Jeju Island provided an ideal setting for guerrilla warfare. Proto-Finnish warriors, adept at hit-and-run tactics, harassed the advancing Korean troops The fighting was brutal, with both sides suffering heavy casualties. The Koreans had to contend with both the natural challenges of the island and the relentless resistance from the Proto-Finnish. Admiral Park Yeon orchestrated a final push to capture key strategic points on the island. The Korean forces launched a multi-pronged attack, targeting the Proto-Finnish command center and supply lines. Warlord Kullervo, refusing to surrender, led a valiant defense. Despite being outnumbered and outgunned, his forces managed to hold off the Koreans for several days. After weeks of intense fighting, the Koreans emerged victorious. They managed to secure control of Jeju Island, although at a tremendous cost. The island became a crucial staging ground for subsequent operations in the war. The Battle of Jeju Island is remembered for its strategic significance and the extraordinary bravery displayed by both sides. The fierce resistance offered by the Proto-Finnish defenders under Warlord Kullervo became legendary, while Admiral Park Yeon’s tactical acumen was celebrated in Korean military lore.
Many scholars don’t know much about the middle of the Finno-Korean Hyperwar. However, some of them have theorized that members of the Nephilim came and battled the Hwan's in doggerland. During this time John Helldiver had rose to power supporting the Finnish army against the Hwan's. Eventually John Helldiver had met John Halo who was a Hwan spy at the time. Eventually John Halos identity was revealed leading to John Helldiver to assassinate John halo in Central Russia during an expedition. This event lead to the Hwan's to ramp up military activity in that region. In response to the spying of the Hwan's the Finnish deployed Null Mines that could open up Null Zones around that area causing enemies to noclip into the backrooms. These Null Mines proved very effective though the Hwan soldiers that were sent to the backrooms began to establish a military presence in the backrooms that outlasted the Hwan empire. A hundred years after the assassination of John Halo the Hwan empire began attempting to contact members of the Hwan empire from the future through they accidentally opened a portal to hell. The hellish forces invading the land where Gobi desert is causing it to be permanently scorched. The demons went on to found Detroit.
End
- Desperate Defense: Emperor Emperor Kim II-Sung I Hwan, facing overwhelming Proto-Finnish forces, ordered a last-ditch defense of the capital. The city, fortified with advanced technology and mystical defenses, became a battleground. Khagan Väinämöinen led a multi-pronged assault, utilizing both conventional forces and mystical warriors. The Proto-Finnish forces, driven by a sense of destiny, pressed the attack relentlessly. In a final, desperate move, Emperor Kim II-Sung I Hwan activated the Giza Mass Autism Array. The weapon’s devastating effects caused widespread chaos, affecting both Korean and Proto-Finnish forces. with both Kim and Väinämöinen dying in the carnage. The deployment of the Array backfired, leading to the collapse of the Hwan Empire. The Proto-Finnish forces, though severely weakened, emerged victorious. The Empire’s fall triggered a series of conflicts, including the Hwan Civil War and the Indo-European Rebellion.
After the collapse of the Hwan empire, the Proto-Finnic Khaganate withdrew soldiers from Asia to fight the War on Autism and ADHD. The Khaganate was unsuccessful, and Autism consumed and collapsed the empire while ADHD started a new revolution that would eventually lead to the creation of Brazil. From the ashes of the two empires gave rise to later civilizations. Asia, now depopulated, gave rise to many branches of peoples. Europe, now demolished by autism, was eventually repopulated by Indo-Europeans starting with the ancient Greek civilizations, then the Roman Empire, then other shit.[2] Eventually leading to the Modern Era.
There is some controversy as to how and when the war ended. Some people argue that the wars between Rome and Parthia, the crusades, the Mongol conquests, World War 1, and World War 2 are continuations of the Hyper War. Additionally, the war on Autism is arguably still ongoing in Finland and America.[3]
Linguists in the 1800s have picked up some similarities between the Uralic languages (which includes Finnish) and Altaic languages (which includes Korean). It is possible that this Ural-Altaic similarity is an artifact of this ancient event. Turanist movements in many countries memorize legacies of the two empires.[4]
Aftermath
The Hyperwar Aftermath and the Rise of Proto-Indo-Europeans
In the aftermath of the catastrophic Hyperwar, Earth was transformed into a desolate hyper-wasteland. This apocalyptic event caused the collapse of many Old Powers, civilizations that had once dominated the planet. Amid the ruins, two new groups emerged: the Proto-Indo-Europeans and the Hyperboreans, descendants of the genetically-engineered creations from Yakubian Laboratories. The Hyperboreans, originating from the labs of the ancient scientist Yakub, were among the most advanced of these early beings.
The Proto-Indo-Europeans spread across the planet, settling in various regions and establishing new primitive societies. In this post-Hyperwar world, several states found success. Among them were the space-faring Harrapans, led by Mahapasas IV, the hidden Dinn city of Iram of the Pillars, and the Nordic Boreal realm of Hyperborea. The latter was populated by pale, blonde giants and ruled by a Holy Khaganate, which mirrored earlier Proto-Finnic kingdoms like the Holy Roman Khaganate. However, the most notable of these realms was Agartha, a subterranean kingdom governed by a confederation of multiple races.
The last surviving heir of Väinämöinen, Tros von Habsburg, would escape the destruction of Helsinki, to the former Finnic Mediterranean colonies. And founded the city of Troy named after himself,(he was a pretty big narcissist) which would endure until it was destroyed by the Greeks. The survivors would escape to Latinum and restore the former secondary capital of the Khaganate, Rome. from there Julius Caesar rose from the dead with the goal of restoring the Ancient Finnish Empire.
The Extraterrestrial Invasion and Human Subjugation
This nascent human civilization was interrupted by an invasion of extraterrestrials, who arrived from distant parts of the galaxy. These advanced alien species sought to dominate the technologically primitive realms of Earth. Fierce, desperate wars ensued, but despite human resistance, most of humanity was enslaved by the extraterrestrial invaders.
Among the most malevolent of these alien overlords were the Reptilians, shape-shifting telepathic reptilian beings from Alpha Centauri; the triple planet alliance aliens from Maldek, Tiamat and Phaeton; as well as the Zeta Reticulians. They, along with other alien races, gained control of Earth's recovering technology and used it to solidify their dominance. For a time, the planet languished under their reign, and technological advancement was dictated by the whims of these cunning alien masters.
The Destruction of Maldek and the End of Alien Dominance
The extraterrestrial era came to a violent end with the destruction of the planet Maldek, which had been embroiled in a massive nuclear Kaiju War. This war not only obliterated Maldek, but also the planets Nibiru, Phaeton, Darwin IV, Krypton and Tiamat. The fallout from this conflict unleashed lethal radiation throughout the solar system, killing all life except for humans. Humans were spared due to the intervention of the Maldekians, who had become second-order beings capable of soul transference. The souls of Maldek's inhabitants were transferred to Earth, drawn by its compatible biome.
With the collapse of Maldek and the resulting devastation, many of the alien forces abandoned Earth, leaving behind their slaves and plundering Earth’s resources. This exodus led to technological regression, with human civilization reduced to Stone Age conditions. Alien hybrids and remnants of the alien overlords struggled for survival, fighting over ancient relics of advanced technology.
The Arrival of Maldekian Survivors and the Rise of Muans and Atlanteans
Humanity's barbarism persisted until the arrival of Maldekian survivors, who came in massive generation ships. These refugees brought knowledge and technology that helped lift Earth out of its dark age. Some eons later, a civilization emerged known as Mu, located in the modern day Pacific ocean. It was a mostly peaceful empire, their greatest monuments being the Pa'ii Tesseracts (think Giza Pyramids but Tesseracts and in the Pacific) that met its end rapidly with the disintegration of its empire as the North and West separated, fought each other, and then the Mainland and West fought the North and East before the North, as it began to lose, activated the "Unmu Weapon" which sunk the continent into the Pacific. Meanwhile, Atlantis emerged soon after, as they carried on Mu's tech and advanced it further, reaching double the technological capacity of Mu.
The Fall of Atlantis and the Legacy of the Anunnaki
In the aftermath of this disaster, the Atlanteans retreated to their island homeland of Atlantis, where they ushered in a new golden age. Their mastery of technomancy became so advanced that they soon fell into hedonism and decadence. Disgusted by their depravity, the gods of Olympus intervened and sank Atlantis into the ocean.
Despite their fall, the Atlanteans left behind many colonies, which eventually evolved into independent kingdoms. The most technologically advanced of these post-Atlantean civilizations was pre-diluvian Babylonia, ruled by the god-like alien refugees from Nibiru, known as the Anunnaki.
The Anunnaki were powerful extraterrestrial beings who sought to uplift Earth’s inhabitants by exploiting them for labor. They manipulated early humans to create a race of workers for their mining operations, including a race of giants to haul massive loads. Their technological prowess reached heights thought impossible, allowing them to alter reality and command the natural world.
However, the Anunnaki's ambitions faltered after a fateful discovery: a Finno-Korean fossil, which revealed secrets from a long-forgotten past. Fearing the implications of this discovery, the Anunnaki triggered a cataclysmic event. They melted Earth’s glaciers, causing a global flood that wiped out most of humanity. After this great deluge, the Anunnaki retaught the survivors agriculture and ordered them to rebuild their fallen megastructures.
Upon completing their tasks, the Anunnaki left Earth, promising to return in the distant future. According to legend, their return is tied to the Mayan Long Count Calendar, signaling a new age for humanity.
Mel Brooks at the battle of the Nile, moments before being vaporized by Meso-Babylonian Cyborgs
Autistic dissident Jesus Christ banished to deep space in the Palestinian Cryo Capsule.
References
- ↑ TASUKETE Oniichan (2005). "The Finno-Korean Hyperwar: What We Know". Based Reviews 6:9(420).
- ↑ Y.S. Cham (2018). "Recent Findings into the End of the Hwan-Suomi Hyperwar". viXra 1809.0081
- ↑ DAISUKI Keisatsu (1994). "Frequency of Autism-spectrum Disorders in Finnish and Japanese Children of Korean Descent". Small Arms and Autism Research.
- ↑ Türkçülüğün Esasları pg.25 (Gökalp, Ziya)
Further reading
- Other instances of the page: goosnav, /his/pedia (archived), He-Gabe Fandom
- Surprisingly coherent reading of the top image by MasterOfRoflness, some dude on TouYube.
- KnowYourMeme page, which is also somehow coherent.
