Snoop Dog

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“The best pimp we ever had. And him being a dog makes the word bitch make more sense!”

~ Various Bitches on Snoop Dogg

“-Silence and random yelps-”

~ Snoopy on Snoop Dogg

“Oh I can pop that motha fucka fulla lead any time... 'Cept then he probbably wouldn't come back with the stick I threw him...”

~ Snoop Dogg on Snoop Dogg

“His whores gave me herpes and AIDS. I have to go and kill myself now... Good bye cruel world.”

~ Charlie Brown on Snoop Dogg

“Pimpin’ is easy when you livin’ in the doghouse... we all bitches in here!!”

~ Calvin Broads Sr. on his son’s upbringing
“Dancing queen young and sweet only 17!“
Yawning Infant, August 2018.jpg
Uncle Snoop eating babies

Calvin “ Snoop Doggy Dogg “ Broads iz da urban pimpster half brudda o' Snoopy. Snoopy's mudda wuz uh beeotch (in both terms o' da word) an' so slept around wiff many other dogs. Snoop's father iz Brian, who later played uh dog in Family Guy, who iz actually black, though albino. This confused identity led Brian ta lash out against blacks, including Snoop, his own son. In fact, at da age o' 5, Snoop wuz already persecuted by Casper The Friendly Ghost, uh member o' da Klu Klux Klan. His brudda Snoopy also tended ta scorn Snoop fo' his race, instead befriending small Asian birds, relationships dat soon brought him Avian Bird Flu. As Brian wuz an alcoholic, Snoop wuz often beaten wiff nearby puns an' poorly crafted humor, which caused him internal bleeding. At da age o' Snoop ventured out on his own on Suburbia's streets an' became uh pimp. ya'll is mad stupid.

The Dogg in his Lycanthropic form.


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Snoop Dog.

Pimping Career[edit | edit source]

Snoop’s certificate of excellence

Snoop Dogg was groomed into a childhood career in Pimpology by his father, Calvin Broads Sr. The late-great Broads wasn’t your typical father from the ghetto, as he’d only conceived 23 children by 42 different mothers, plus he was never dependent on the welfare-system, instead using dog treats in place of food stamps for when he wanted to buy his family dinner. Snoop often cites growing up in a stable household of prostitutes and pushers as the seeds of his gangster rap success. At 5 years old Broads Sr. taught his son all about “ the bats and the balls “ but never bothered playing catch with him.

Rapping Career[edit | edit source]

Soon after gaining a considerable amount of money from exploiting women, a young Calvin Broads ( no pun intended ) decided to further his career by becoming Snoop Doggy Dogg, rapping about his everyday life of being a pimp and a gangster. Notably, this makes him the only rapper to have actually done the things he rapped about. The rest who claim to be O.G’s are really just studio-gangsters, a Compton slang term invented by the late-great aids victim Eazy-E. Doggy Dogg made his musical gangster debut on “ The Chronic “ as ex-studio gangster turned prostitute-gynecologist Dr. Dre’s sidekick and more importantly, prostitute medical assistant, a step up from his previous pimping-duties.

Pirate Ninja Career[edit | edit source]

Shown here is Snoop Dog upon the scalp of Kakashi, a senior citizen in Florida.

He become a pirate, which Kakashi did. As soon as he used his retirement funds to purchase a pirate ship and crew, Snoop began to play loud rock music about lesbians, which gave Kakashi a heart attack, causing his death on August 8, 1994. Snoop began to sail towards Cuba, to get him some smokes, but his ship was soon shot down by The Red Baron, his brother in disguise as a pilot.

Snoop Dizzle High Atop the Christmas Trizzle

Death[edit | edit source]

Pretty obviously, the explosion of the ship killed Snoop. He died in peace... if dying in peace means asploding into tiny smithereens which were soon eaten by bloodthirsty mermaids.

Some people believe Snoop was in fact not killed by the asplosion, and in fact escaped and was killed in 2001 by one of his bitches had fat asses and Shane Patterson posessed by the spirit of love and fucking his mom. Shanes Mom was a hooker for 80 years for some money to keep her retarded son the doctors could agree for these charges.

Snoop is also well known for the ritualistic ceremony of smoking cannabis, or as black people call it: "Getting down wit da Buddha." In a scientific study done by the University of Arkansas, on May 29, 2001, Snoop Lion Mane Dogg Gucci was found to be addicted to weed. It is said that Snoop smokes upward of 34 pounds of Purple Kush per day. That's like over 9000 blunts man! Snoop also has a tendency to lose train of thought halfway through his smoke session so how about those Pats? Snoop

See Also[edit | edit source]