Nobel War Prize
The Nobel War Prize is one of the five Nobel Prizes requested by its inventor, Albrand Nobel, the evil twin of Alfie Nobel. Albrand wanted to make up for all the good that had occurred in the world, such as the creation of DNA and children not having to work in coal mines until they were six.
How to get an award[edit | edit source]
The award is quite hard to receive. A person needs to make their own country at war, as well as inspire another country to go to war against their enemy. It also should be an unjust war, which involves taking enemy pets and beating them to a pulp. Bush was eligible for this award in 2003 and was likely to win but the location for the ceremony was unexpectedly searched for weapons of mass destruction at the last minute, meaning no one was awarded that year. If the devil hasn't been working hard sometimes people receive the prize for more minor "achievements". Generally, the individual must have a moustache and enjoy dead baby jokes as well as have links to the Croydon mafia. Or, alternatively, to Microsoft.
Funding[edit | edit source]
Albrand's funding comes from his deal with Kelloggs, which was struck when he visited Kellogia in Somwheristan somewhere in Southern Yurp.
He won the deal over his rival, his own brother, when they competed in naming Eurovision songcontest competitors. Despite such a good deal, Albrand cereal never became very popular, leading to a lack of fanfare over the awards ceremony. Although it's besides the point, a few years later, after being inspired by Albrand Nobel, some other guy went on to invent the wildly successful cereal Product 19, known for its promotion of giving away free rides in the cargo holds of American Airlines' jet fleet.
Award ceremony[edit | edit source]
Although the location changes yearly, it is common for the location to be well-fortified, so that the winner is protected against retaliation from the many enemies he has surely made in the quest to win recognition. The medal given to winners features a portrait of Caecilius, a Latin teacher who was responsible for the worst genocide in human history.
Past Winners[edit | edit source]
Past winners have included Chris Morris, for using the word "paedophile" too many times in one sentence, Alan Rickman for killing Dumbledore, and Princess Diana for carelessly ruining TV for several months by dying. This years likely winner is the creator of the confused.com adverts, who has single-handedly forced many people to commit suicide, as well as cause a civil war in England.