Saunauto

Oy Saunauto Oi is a Finnish car manufacturer based in Salmivaara. Their cars have been criticized worldwide because of the fact that they are built from used saunas that are highly likely to have been stolen from backyards in Helsinki. The factory is owned by a former environmentalist by the name of Järkka Motoristi, better known as Salmivaaran Järkka.

History

It all started in 1941. The Russians had blown up the liquor store in Salmijärvi which resulted in a 96% unemployment rate. Järkka Motoristi and his friends decided to take a kicksled ride down to Helsinki in order to present their complaints to Risto Ryti.

When they had gotten to Helsinki they noticed that everyone had a sauna of their own in their backyards, so they stole about 100 of them and shipped them home to Salmivaara. Then they stole engines from Soviet MiG-15 fighter jets and attached them to the front of the sauna, the wheels were re-purposed loom-wheels. The model was named Nopea Puu-Perkele.

The Premiere

Saunauto Nopea Puu-Perkele was first shown at the Worlds fair in Salmivaara the same year and was displayed between AutoPutin and Oldsmobile Golden Rocket. It received the award "automobile of the year" and Järkka made over a billion Mark! It also passed the Finnish crash test with flying colors. It was required to run over a bolshevik, turning him into a gory mess. The car was also specced to have 675 horse powers and a top speed of 1890 km/h. The fuel consumption rate was 7.8 liters per km.

Models

• Hyvvä Järkkan Ylimääräinen Includes a manually pumped airbag, extra seats in the form of haysacks and a VHS tape with Mr. Bean.

• Aito Suomalainen Roska is painted white with blue streaks and includes a bottle of Koskenkorva and a VHS tape with Moomin.

• Valmis Talvisotaan the sauna itself is made from steel instead of wood, painted in camo patterns, comes with tank threads and a turrent that automatically aims at Communists.

• Nopea kuin itsä Mauno Koivisto 3900 horse powers instead of only 675, which makes a top speed of 12544 km/h possible. The fuel consumption is then 19.8 liters per km.

• Jiddisch is a model made especially for the Israeli market. The sauna is replaced with a gas chamber.

• Aasinperse is a smaller sportier model made for women, and is therefore made to be a bit easier to drive. The design is inspired by the American brand Abrams, but is a bit larger. The engine is composed of two compressor-fed bigblock engines from Chevrolet, så it's not as powerful as the other models, but the fuel economy is very good. It's only available in pink metallic with teal furnishing, the standard equipment includes a latex-covered steering wheel, parking assistance (missiles that are automatically fired at any cars that are in the way) and a stereo that spits out any CDs not by Arja Sajonmaa.