Periwinkle[edit | edit source]“The most bad-ass color ever.”
~ Oscar Wilde on periwinkle“Amazing!” “Periwinkle? I never took no Periwinkle!” “SSSHHHAAAARROOOONNN!”
~ Ozzy Osbourne on just about everything“No I’m NOT fucking gay!”
~ a guy wearing periwinkle
Periwinkle is a color that is ... sort of purple and sort of blueish – sort of. It is also thought to be the only color no one is racist against because it is just too bad-ass.
Early history of periwinkle[edit | edit source]
Periwinkle is normally overlooked by most people as simply another stupid color, since they never learned its surprising history. Periwinkle was first discovered by the Ancient Egyptians, who harnessed its power to build pyramids. After the Egyptians were completely pwned at Xbox by the Romans they went ALL CAPS RAGE and committed mass suicide, thus the ultimate secret of periwinkle was lost to the sands of Egypt. Many believed periwinkle was a myth until it was rediscovered by a Nazi archaeology team similar to the ones seen in Indiana Jones. Then Adolf Hitler killed all the Nazis who knew the secret of periwinkle so he could be the only one who knew it. Hitler used his new found God-like powers to destroy half the Canadians on Earth; the rest of the world was so happy they agreed on a peace treaty that would allow Hitler to live as long as he killed Justin Bieber. He didn't.
Rediscovery of periwinkle[edit | edit source]
Periwinkle was finally rediscovered by Michael Jackson, who used it to become a successful music artist and then shared his discovery with the world. The color, though, had so many life hazards it could be used only by crazy-rich people like Steve Jobs, who used it to create Apple.
The Church of Periwinkle[edit | edit source]
Once most of the world realized that periwinkle was the most amazing thing ever, many decided to devote their lives to it. The Monks of Periwinkle based in the solitary location of Los Angeles, California, created the First Church of Periwinkle, currently the fastest growing religion in the world. They claim that periwinkle is the reason for everything good in the world and that pansy colors – especially isolated red, white, and the blues – cause everything bad in the world, e.g. Muslims. Their holy book is called the Color Wheel. They believe there is but one obstacle in the Path to Periwinkle, to wit the evil armies of Wikipedia. In the book of Colorvations, however, it says that the Almighty Periwinkle will ultimately prevail, then the Earth will become the perfect (flat) world it was meant to be.
Periwinkle in sports[edit | edit source]
The first modern athlete to harness the power of periwinkle was Barry Bonds, quickly followed by every other athlete in the world. Periwinkle is occasionally seen in hockey, but seldom anywhere else since Derek Jeter spontaneously combusted from overuse.
Things that are periwinkle[edit | edit source]
- Justin Bieber's panties
- Shaq's eyes
- The Situation's Abs
- Black Jesus
- Mr. T's Mohawk
- Everything that is amazing
Source[edit | edit source]
Chuck Norris said so.