Sexual Harrassment Panda Bear

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Meet Paul, the friendly sexual harassment panda bear.

The Sexual Harassment Panda Bear is China's mascot in the world peace campaign. Set alongside America's Burger King and North Korea's Apple of Great Peace, Paul the Sexual Harassment Panda Bear was a victim of child abuse (Or lack there-of) and as such spent 6 centuries in rehabilitation "Hybernating" before he changed his mindset for the better. Now he is finally out of that junkyard (Pictured) He has placed into cast some strict laws which China obeys to the letter (or character)

Still, it beats the Roman rehabilitation center. And the American...

Laws of the Panda Bear[edit]

The Chinese rehabilitation center may look bland, but it's a lot better than other rival solutions.

The Sexual Harassment Panda Bear's opinions are laws which all of China abides to. Panda Bear dislikes google because of the amount they abuse and humiliate pandas with their lame jokes and punch-lines as well as some very unhelpful and untrue stereotypes, and as a result google is banned completely in China.

Chinese Panda Bear Ritual[edit]

Friendly Roman members of their very own rehab center.
American Rehab - Would you like fries with that?

Every household must have a panda bear statue for them to praise and leave bamboo at their feet once a century. After this is done, the panda can be thrown out for another hundred years, and they can wait until the next century before investing in another one. Take note that the pandas are not given bamboo in their mouths, as they tend to smoke when spoon-fed.

Anthems of the Panda Bear[edit]

The Panda Rites[edit]

Sung to "the chicken dance"

So whatever you may do, make sure that you aren't tempted to, put bamboo under a panda's chin, chin chin chin chin.

'cause whatever you may do, he'll be watchin' after you, 'cause he doesn't like bamboo, under his chin.

So now I suggest to you, run away to timbucktoo, because the panda will be watch-in' chin chin chin.

He's the panda - it's the law, and his rules they form the core, of the republic of the panda's, chin chin chin chin.


Oh how he lives, and dwells here in China!

Oh how he lures, and loves this home.

Oh how he knows, just what China should be,

And China should be, just as he knows.

Oh how he lives, and dwells here in China!

Oh how he lures, and loves this home.

Oh how he knows, just what China should be,

And China could be, as green as the grass it grows!

Panda Magic can cause terrible disorders to those who do not worship them.


-"Please keep your elbows and knees away from any hazardous objects at all times."

-"Do not use postage pick-up lines (Such as "May I handle your parcel) to women working in post offices, particularly if they are really undercover policemen who just happened to shave that morning"

-"Compliment a girl just like you would compliment a Christmas tree. If they're real, tell them they look fake. If they're fake, tell them they look real."

-"A no means no. If you disagree with this then how would you feel in the same situation, but it were you holding back a panda!"