That episode I was raped by a panda during my sojourn in the Springfield Zoo

I was naked a lot that week.

Dude, that fucking thing was huge and he violated me. D'oh!

So there I was[edit | edit source]

at the Springfield Zoo dressed up as a female panda, doing the Lindy Hop for the kids and entertaining Mr. Burns and shit, right? Like, real prank money shit.

and this fucking panda[edit | edit source]

named Ping-Ping bursts out of his cave, musk all over the place, and instead of trying to kill me, he becomes sexually arroused, and he makes a pandaline straight for me.

so I call out[edit | edit source]

to Mr. Burns for help, but he just laughs! Like WTF?

So I run away, trip, fall on a rock with my panda ass up in the air, making Ping-Ping think I was 'presenting'. Mr. Burns just fucking laughed the entire time as that horny panda dragged me back into his cave.

I barely got away without reeking of panda love and a severed dignity.

No, seriously. Ping-Ping raped me. : (