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Equestria (full title: The Glorious, Equestrian, Horrifying, Bad, Dictatorial, Gay, Oppressive, Tyrannical, Evil, Ponified, Ridiculous, Completely and Totally Uninhabitable, Stupid, Insane, Idiotic, Obscene, Independent, Filth-Infested Brony Principality of Equestria) is a terrible military dictatorship in South America, well known for killing whoever gets to close to it, burning down the Amazon Rainforest, and its absolutely disgusting set of screams, shouts, and shrieks known as "Shout for Equestria" that they use as a national anthem. At various times in its history, it consisted of the former independent territories of Brazil, Venezuela, Colombia, Guyana, Suriname, Paraguay, and other countries I don't have time to name right now.[1] They even dropped a nuclear bomb on Colombia to make them surrender. This nation is by far one of the most dangerous places in the whole world, for the Bronies who inhabit Equestria will instantly kill, murder, and slaughter anyone who is not a Brony or says anything bad about "ponies". Very few are brave enough to secretly explore this desolate, dystopian nation where millions were murdered for not becoming evil Bronies.

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Because of their incurable biases, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will probably never have an article about Equestria. Help those so-called-experts and write one.

The horrible Equestrian national flag. It is very attractive to Grues. As a result, many people have died just looking at this flag in Grue-infested places.
Bronies murdering thousands of Brazilian people in the Massacre of São Paulo.
A rare image of the Equestrian Princess.
The imperial emblem of the Equestrian Princess. It is the most dangerous coat of arms in the world.
The Equestrian Secret Police Flag. This opens a portal to hell which will release an army of Grues controlled by Satan himself.
The Equestrian Armed Forces Flag. This flag is known to kill all non-Bronies within a five mile radius due to its extreme cringe.

It all began in Brazil, where a mutant strain of Bronies (i.e., Brazilian mutant ponyphiles) infected other Brazilian people with Friendship and Magic, causing chaos everywhere. Eventually, the remnants of the last sane people remaining in Brazil were bottled up in Rio de Janeiro. However, in 2010 Rio was finally infected with Friendship via a tactical ballistic missile. The former government of Brazil was violently overthrown and became the Brony Principality of Equestria. Ever since, Bronies became more and more obsessed with My Little Pony and Lystra Mendoza, making them vandalize innocent people's houses with nude pony images and post terrible MLP pictures on DeviantArt.

Soon, Venezuela was infected with Magic after the Bronies became extremely infectious and sent pony propaganda and outdated memes that no one wants. Venezuela made a heroic resistance, but it ultimately fell to the violent, mentally unsound invaders.



Equestria's history is filled with the most vile deeds possible. It's too bloody for most sane people to look at, but if you really want to look, then FINE. Just don't say I didn't warn you!

The official seal of the Equestrian Princess. Whatever paper it is stamped onto is instantly cursed forever, and it may produce Grues.

Conquest of Brazil[edit]

Some idiots that were messing around with crap in a lab made a Brony virus, which they released in Brazil's Amazon Rainforest. The indigenous tribes became sick, and jungle explorers noticed that there was no more wilderness to explore, creating massive alarm. However, the virus was hard to detect. When the virus spread into other regions, people said, "It's that darn phone" and took little to no action. But then Brony terrorist groups were formed, and people became frightened. Airlines cancelled flights to Brazil for fear of terrorist attacks. Even the beaches of Rio de Janeiro were empty. This city would be the last bastion of freedom in an enslaved and terribly damaged Brazil after the fall of São Paulo, which became the capital of Equestria. For 3 months the citizens of Rio pleaded for help, but it was not enough. The Bronies had their master plan. They built nuclear bombs and used missiles to destroy Rio. Even to this day, all that remains in a burnt, charred, radioactive wilderness.

The official banner of Equestria's Spy Department. It can seriously injure non-Bronies, and anyone (other than Brony idiots) who touches this flag will die.

Conquest of Venezuela[edit]

After the bloodbath of Brazil, Equestrian leaders invaded Venezuela, spamming shitty Brony memes created by the Ministry of Propaganda. Despite help from other countries, the resistance of the Venezuelans, and outrage at the atrocious acts perpetrated by the Bronies, Venezuela fell, plunging the nation into tyranny. Millions of Venezuelan civilians died in the years to come.

A genuine image from Equestria's invasion of Venezuela.

Massacre of Sāo Paulo[edit]

After the conquest of Venezuela, a band of foreigners sneaked into Equestria and peacefully protested the regime, asking for at least the freedom of non-Bronies to even exist. Despite lying, slanderous reports by the Ministry of Propaganda, the protesters did no violence. Even when the Equestria Secret Police began shooting at the protesters, they simply fled instead of defending themselves. By the end of the mass murders, 3,582 people were dead and 42 survived, eventually fleeing the country. This murder was highly publicized with detailed reports of the atrocities. People across the world were beginning to comprehend the tyranny and slavery of Equestria.

A protest poster at the Massacre of Sāo Paulo.

Conquest of Colombia[edit]

Equestrian military forces then attacked Colombia, painting horse porn on walls, drowning all other noises with intolerable shrieking and blood-curdling screams, and bombing the place into an unrecognizable wasteland. Still, the Colombians defended against the MLP onslaught. Princess Celestia then authorized a nuclear strike on Colombia's capital Bogota, which was being defended by a shit ton of soldiers. Colombia surrendered immediately.

Conquest of Guyana[edit]

Equestrian troops blasted the Equestrian national anthem into Guyana while scattering low-quality My Little Pony merchandise everywhere. Guyana's citizens put up unrelenting resistance, using everything at their disposal to fight back. Although they desperately defended against this menace, but it was too late. Air raids, use of computers to infect people with Friendship and Magic through e-mails, and the onslaught of pure stupidity forced most Guyanans to escape and go abroad. The survivors were infected, turned into Grues, and executed mercilessly as the world watched in terror.

The banner of the Equestrian Ministry of Propaganda. This unleashes fire, shards of broken glass, and a giant wave of idiocy on non-Bronies.

Massacre of Manaus[edit]

A group of foreign activists who had been advocating freedom for Equestrian-occupied territories secretly traveled to Manaus at night and peacefully asked the government to grant more liberty to its citizens. Princess Celestia was outraged and ordered the military to kill all protesters, resulting in another mass murder. Of the 2,915 people there, only 53 escaped with their lives.

A Guyana factory ruthlessly bombarded by Brony airplanes.

Point Barrow Incident[edit]

When the U.S. Army was testing missiles at an undisclosed location near Point Barrow, Alaska, to get people to hand over their oil, a nuclear warhead was missing. At first Commieland was suspected, but evidence pointed to Equestrian theft via secret Brony agents in the United States and Canada. This sparked fear, leading to international alarm. The United States of 'Merica resolved once and for all to deal with this rogue state, leading to the Equestrian-American War.

Equestrian-American War[edit]

America did not fare well in the war, due the infamous rule first demonstrated in Vietnam, "U.S. troops lose 50% efficiency on jungle tile." Sure, Equestria had no jungle left, but with the idiot Bronies in control, nothing even made sense anyway. Also, American efforts were often halted by the massive waves of idiocy that killed most soldiers. Even the bald eagles, the prime symbol of oil freedom were shot down ruthlessly. Eventually, peace was negotiated. America would give 15,800 Big Macs, 15,800 Whoppers, 20,000 pounds of French Fries, and 2,000,000 chicken nuggets, while Equestria would give 5,300,000 barrels of oil.

The enblem of Equestria's Ministry of Death. It is so deadly that it is the single largest producer of cyanide in the world.

The Fortnite Outbreak[edit]

Equestria's evil masterminds of bioweapons and chemical warfare, the mad scientists, engineered a horrible parasite that was code named "Epic Games." The world came to know it as Fortnite. It spread from edgy 12 year old to edgy 12 year old at an alarming rate, causing total shutdown of global air travel. The epicenter, Canada, completely blockaded its borders and blew up its sea ports. In addition, they chugged maple syrup day and night to appease the "maple gods" into getting rid of the virus. But it was too late. It infected over 57 countries. By the time the cure was made, the disease was starting to subside. But the damage had already been done. 130 million edgy 12 year old were dead, and 73 million were injured. This lead to an increase in shitty technophobe groups, most of which used the slogan "It's that darn phone."

Colombians in a mass exodus fleeing Equestrian invaders.

Atlantic Piracy[edit]

Equestrian naval ships began disrupting trade routes in the Atlantic Ocean. Often they sent Brony idiots to other countries to find secret information. They often looked at the ground, trying to find notes that someone dropped. When asked what they were doing, they said "I'm looking for my pet rock," which made people think they were a band of crappy comedians. By the time they were found and arrested, over 260 ships were sunk.

Real footage of the bloody invasion of Suriname.

Conquest of Suriname[edit]

The Brony idiots began attacking Suriname in order to control the nation's resources. They had made cheap, low-quality, dysfunctional robots to extract what little resources remained in the land. Instead of using these stolen resources for something useful, they were used in MLP sacrifices to their non-existent "pony gods."The people of Suriname were greatly outnumbered. A few heroes fought on, giving most people time to escape. But when the last remnants fell, a few people were left behind. They were all murdered, except for a few who were infected with Friendship. This marked the pinnacle of Equestria's power.

Aftermath of a battle in the Liberation of Colombia.

The Cheese Plague[edit]

In an effort of pure villainy, Equestria began disrupting the global cheese supply by destroying cheese production centers, especially in the Netherlands. Soon the United States, Canada, Japan, and most of Europe sent missions to the Moon to retrieve its coveted blue cheese. Although there was public outcry over rising cheese prices, Equestria failed to destroy the world's cheese.

An Equestrian soldier. These will attempt to kill all non-Bronies, including you, no matter what the cost!

The Liberation of Suriname[edit]

The French were very angry that they had less cheese to go with their wine, so they called on Europe to fight against Equestria. However, only Britain, Italy, Spain, and Sweden joined the alliance. The United States joined the alliance because Americans had less cheese to put on their cheeseburgers. Canada also joined after sending a stark warning to Equestria, "We have been nice for too long!" Brony idiots, being ridiculously stupid, completely ignored the message. Peru, Bolivia, Ecuador, Paraguay, Urugay, Chile, and Argentina also joined the alliance. Soon Equestria was fighting a war they could not win. Allied forces landed in French Guiana, which was completely surrounded by Equestria. Suriname was reconquered in only one month.

A rare picture of Equestria's nuclear bombing of Bogota, Colombia.

The Liberation of Guyana[edit]

Guyana was swiftly liberated as the French attacked with baguette swords, Canadians unleashed waves of maple syrup, Italians threw deadly pizza discs, Brits attacked with tea flamethrowers, and Americans used burger cannons. Guyana was swiftly reclaimed, with most Bronies surrendering or fighting like cowards. The Bronies' nuclear weapons were stolen by secret agents. Equestria was sorely defeated, but they were fortifying their fortresses in Colombia and Venzuela.

Footage of the Massacre of Manaus.

The Liberation of Colombia[edit]

Enemy fortifications were broken down, and Colombia was liberated, but it was hard and slow. Allied soldiers were dying even thought they fought bravely. Bronies often set fire to the landscape, creating major impediments to Allied efforts. However, after massive clashes, Bronies massacring POWs, and heavy casualties, Colombia was finally free from the Bronies' grip.

The banner of the Equestrian Royal Guard. It is so bad that it makes non-Bronies' heads explode with pure cringe.

Setbacks in Venezuela[edit]

Despite victory in Colombia, Venezuela was too heavily fortified for Allied advance. Minimal progress was made, and more soldiers died every day. It became clear that there was little hope of liberating Venezuela. A stalemate occurred, with no results from the many battles. Gradually, talks about ending the war started, and eventually, a consensus was reached. The war must come to an end.

The cancerous emblem of Equestria's Surveillance Agency.

End of the War[edit]

The bloody war would be known as the War of the Equestrian Coalition. Peace treaties were signed in the recently liberated city of Barranquilla, Colombia. Equestria was still powerful with millions of evil Bronies, but it had been seriously weakened.

Equestria's nuclear bomb design. Thankfully, it's not as deadly as other nation's bombs because the Brony fuckwits are too stupid to design something that actually works decently.

Twilight Virus: Brazen E-mail Scheme[edit]

Equestria decided to continue terrorizing the worldlike the assholes that they are. The Bronies learned absolutely nothing from the war because they are so stupid. Infectious E-mails were sent to 24 unlucky victims. When they opened it, their computer played My Little Pony nonstop for 24 hours and subsequently broke. While the toxic show played, turning people into evil Brony idiots, the computer sent infected emails to all e-mail addresses on the computer. All files on the computer were replaced by MLP and Brony videos. By the time all instances of these horrific virus were contained and destroyed, 2,300 computers were infected and permanently ruined, and 286 people were infected by the virus. 42 more people were infected with Friendship and Magic from the Brony fuckwits who were infected by the Brony content maliciously transmitted to their devices. Nevertheless, nations were exhausted from the previous war with Equestria, and people did not want another bloody conflict. As a result, Equestria was left unopposed for a while.

Equestria ruthlessly bombing innocent civilians during the invasion of Venezuela.

Global Food Contamination[edit]

Equestrian secret agents placed laboratory toxins in the food supply. They targeted apples the most, because there is some crappy MLP character that rapes apple trees or something. The toxins were derived from horse blood, human bones, dead memes, charcoal, and other sources. They were then mixed in their shitty lab to make an absolutely disgusting mixture. People who ate the infected food began roaring and yelling uncontrollably, posting brony memes, and turning into Grues. The large amount of Grues created extreme terror and fear, while bronies caused unspeakable stupidity by posting brony garbage on the Internet and being idiots.

Brony assholes have used the power of pure cringe to obliterate famous landmarks, turning the surrounding landscape into inhospitable desert. Add their nuclear bomb arsenal and you have fucking hell.

Federal Reserve Bank Heist[edit]

Equestria sent secret operatives into New York City to break into the so-called "impenetrable" Federal Reserve bank there. Using chemicals to erode the foundations, they made a tunnel and broke into the vault stealing over three-fourths of all the gold there. Because the Bronies are so stupid, they forgot to rebuild the bank's foundations, an it collapsed. The outrage over the collapse led to the Second Equestrian-American War.

The hideous flag of Equestria's Inspection Department. It literally creates piles of shit.

Second Equestrian-American War[edit]

The United States once again fought Equestria, but the fortresses were just too damn strong. Even the burger cannons were ineffective. A nuclear strike would mean the end of the world, as Equestria had new nuclear bombs stamped with cancerous Brony propaganda for extreme lethality. The war was very short, and it ended in stalemate.

One of the many forms of the infamous Twilight computer virus.

Maple Syrup Crisis[edit]

Equestria seeked to terrorize the world again by burning Canada's maple forests. It embarrassed Canadians by destroying their national symbol and severely damaged their maple syrup supply. In stores, jars of maple syrup were smashed on the floor by unidentified people, no doubt Equestrian agents. The culprits then ran out of the stores. When a secret emergency supply of millions of jars of maple syrup was completely destroyed, Canada had no option other than a war.

Equestrian military equipment. The filth is actually horse shit, which Bronies bathe in all the time.

Canadian-Equestrian War[edit]

Canada began sending troops to attack Equestria. Although they had very little maple syrup, Canadians had a massive surplus of maple leaves. Unemployed maple syrup makers began manufacturing razor-sharp maple leaves. These devastated small forces of Bronies, but only a small strip of border land was liberated. Despite this, the war created a massive drop in Brony morale. This infuriated the Princess. Equestria had to do something to take boost morale again.

Equestrian terrorists are considered some of the worst criminals in existence in other countries. Governments offer large sums of money for captured Bronies, especially those who have committed terrorism.

Massacre of Caracas[edit]

When foreign demonstrators arrived in Caracas (formerly the capital of Venezuela), Equestria saw a chance to boost morale. The Secret Police and Armed Forces massacred the protesters in the cruelest ways imaginable. Although it created more material for shitty Brony propaganda, it also alerted the world to Equestria's atrocities and its absolute tyranny.

The horrifically bad flag of Equestria's Border Surveilance Agency.

Counterfeit Restaurants[edit]

Equestrian agents began opening fake restaurants all over the world. The toxic food served there would make people shriek and scream with cringe and poison. Ingredients included hydrogen cyanide, gasoline, broken glass, cardboard, and plastic. The victims would go batshit crazy, set things on fire, and eventually turn into Grues. The terror of this shocked the world, with extensive news coverage of the events. Soon anti-Brony protests occurred and all of Europe (except Russia) declared war on Equestria.

Equestrian soldiers in Ecuador.

European-Equestrian War: Failed Liberation of South Brazil[edit]

Europeans attempted to attack Southern Brazil, but the effort failed. Many battles were fought, and Equestria's regime was damaged quite severely, but Equestria reconquered the lands, brutally massacring soldiers. Airplanes bombed the cities of Caracas, Fortaleza, and Sāo Paulo, but it failed to bring down the oppressive dictatorship. In fact, it actually led to the conquest of Suriname and French Guiana.

Why decent human beings can't survive in Equestria.

Conquest of Paraguay[edit]

In a state of total rage over international outcry over the fact that MLP is shit, Princess Celestia declared war on Paraguay. Despite foreign aid, Paraguay could not last for long. Other nations sent soldiers and conducted air raids on Equestria's cities. Many of its citizens were forced to flee. Despite this, the Paraguayan Resistance against the invasion were considered heroes all across Latin America. Protests against Equestria's evil aggression were held in most major cities (except in Uruguay) with the slogan, "Paraguay is best Guay!" (I told you Uruguay wouldn't like it!)

Brutal Equestrian war crimes.

Conquest of the Carribean[edit]

Equestria began attacking the islands of the Carribean in the Lesser Antilles region of the Carribean. Don't know where they are? I don't care. Now shut up! When they came across an island that was under control of a country outside the Carribean, they blew up something. and said it was an accident. They then took over the islands. When they conquered the land right next to Puerto Rico, a U.S. territory, they stopped because people were realizing that Equestria was stealing land.

Equestrian agents capturing a prisoner, who will be tortured to death in an elaborate human sacrifice ritual to worship the "pony gods".

Conquest of Uruguay[edit]

When Uruguay condemned the evil actions taken by the Brony assholes, the Equestrian Army ruthlessly invaded Uruguay. Due to their extreme brutality, ferocity, and pure evil, the Bronies wiped out Uruguay in a few months. Humanity was shocked at the genocide of non-Bronies and the stupidity of the Brony menace. Worldwide rallies against Equestria were organized.

Second Conquest of Colombia[edit]

In all their stupidity, the Equestrian bastards decided to invade Colombia AGAIN. Most Colombians fled, desperately trying to escape the filthy, cancerous slobs in the Brony military. Despite this, many harrowing tales of survival ended tragically, with many people captured and either shot or forced to become evil, mindless Brony idiots, destined to a horrifying fate of eternal idiocy.

Suez Canal Incident[edit]

Trying to direct even more assholery towards people, the Bronies created a diabolical plan to blow up the Suez Canal, but Egyptian police caught the Equestrian agents half-way through planting bombs. Egypt sent the military to remove the bombs, but the Bronies, in case of such a situation, made the bombs detonate upon sensing a non-Brony. The resulting explosion was so big that every single soldier in the bomb removal effort was screwed. The whole space 82 feet (24 meters) around the section of the canal was completely destroyed. This necessitated a costly repair operation.

Conquest of Liberia[edit]

Equestrian scumbags began plotting to invade the African nation of Liberia, across the Atlantic Ocean from Brazil. Soon a massive naval force was sent to Liberia. The very moment Brony troops set foot in Liberian soil, the entire country was doomed. The capital, Montovia, was besieged on all sides. The sky overhead was swarming with airplanes, as fires raged throughout the city. Not a single building was untouched. In one bleak day, Monrovia was destroyed. Many Liberians could not escape in time, and most were turned into more Brony idiots for further invasions and murderous atrocities.

Conquest of Ecuador[edit]

Back in South America, Ecuador was not safe either. Equestria ruthlessly invaded Ecuador, burning houses, destroying property, and killing civilians in the streets, all in the name of ponies. What a bunch of dicks. The worst development was when Equestria developed weapons that could concentrate cringe so intensely that it could make any volcano erupt. They directed it at the normally dormant Chimborazo, causing untold death and devastation. It produced the desired effect, striking fear into the hearts of millions of people. Global panic arose, and it damaged the stock market so badly that the mysterious entity called "Wall Street" had to call repairmen to fix it.

Conquest of the Ivory Coast[edit]

Equestria wanted to infect even more of Africa with Friendship and Magic, so they mercilessly attacked the Ivory Coast (or Côte d'Ivoire, because they insisted that people use their French name). Chaos erupted, and terrorism disrupted daily life in most of the country. Refugees fled desperately, running as fast as they could possibly go. No one could recognize the landscape after Bronies drained it of its sanity. Even trees, yes, trees were seen as towers of evil, signifying defiance of the "benevolent" rule of their non-existent ponies. They were burned en masse, and sometimes individually as sacrifices to "secure the ponies' protection of the land". This led to global outcry against further aggression by Equestria. The Bronies simply waited for the next time to strike.

Conquest of Sierra Leone[edit]

When outrage over their atrocities had subsided, the fuckwits attacked Sierra Leone next. Hordes of filthy Brony idiots poured into the country at such an alarming speed that a car going 60 miles per hour (97 kilometers per hour) could barely escape a single Brony soldier. Sierra Leone was very small, and their army was weak, so they couldn't fight back at all. There were two options: flee or die. Prisoners were immediately turned into more Bronies, except Anti-Bronies, who were murdered.

Conquest of Guinea[edit]

The bloodthirsty Bronies invaded Guinea next. Even the bravest, strongest soldiers fell in mere seconds to enemy forces. Every shore was bombed, polluted, and defiled so much that it looked like a shitty scrambled egg. Similar to Liberia, the capital, Conakry, held out with heavily strengthened fortifications. Despite this, Conakry fell in 2 weeks.

African Union War[edit]

Guinea's invasion was the last straw for the African Union, a group of countries which the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about. Equestrian forces used blitzkrieg tactics to overwhelm Guinea-Bissau, Senegal, The Gambia, Cape Verde, Ghana, Togo, and Benin. Determined to fight to the death, the courageous remnants of the local army and many freedom fighters took their final stand against Equestrian aggression in the city of Kondi, Benin. While guerilla fighters sacrificed their lives to slow down the Bronies, civilians were ordered to evacuate to escape murder or ponification by the advancing Equestrian Army. The war proved to be a dismal defeat for the African alliance, and Equestria celebrated in its capital with public horse fucking, horse shit baths, and the torture and human sacrifice of POWs. Princess Celestia announced a new "Golden Age" for Equestria.

Equestria Today[edit]

After the war, protests were held across the world demanding action against Equestria. Since a war was not feasible, most nations instead banned trade with Equestria. This did nothing, as it wasn't like anyone would trade with Bronies anyway. Today Equestria has seriously increased its military production and is one of the most concerning threats facing the world today.

The Thirteen Aspects of Equestria[edit]

  1. ESP: The Equestrian Secret Police makes sure everybody glorifies the regime. Any and all political dissidents are locked up in torture facilities or killed.
  2. EAF: The Equestian Armed Forces protect the government from rebels and invaders trying to liberate Equestria.
  3. EMD: The Equestrian Ministry of Death serves only one purpose, to kill all non-Bronies within Equestria.
  4. EMA: The Equestrian Manufacturing Agency uses cheap, shitty-ass robots to make weapons 24/7. They also stamp Brony cancer shit on their vile creations.
  5. EBP: The Equestrian Brony Party is the one (and only) officially-sanctioned political party of Equestria, directly controlled by the Princess herself.
  6. EMP: The Equestrian Ministry of Propaganda spreads horrible pony memes and other bullshit, often permanently contaminating 4Chan threads.
  7. EGA: The Equestrian Grue Administration turns non-Bronies into Grues, which are used to terrorize people and kill them.
  8. EID: The Equestrian Inspection Department inspects everything. Anyone going anywhere will eventually run into a checkpoint, where all personal belongings are inspected. All gold and precious metals are stolen by the Equestrian government because they're greedy bastards. Anything that is Anti-Brony leads to torture or execution.
  9. ESA: The Equestrian Surveillance Agency installed cameras everywhere to constantly watch Equestrian citizens.
  10. EBSA: The Equestrian Border Surveillance Agency guards the nation's borders.
  11. EDS: The Equestrian Department of Spies sends secret agents abroad to gather classified information and murder non-Bronies and Anti-Bronies.
  12. ERG: The Equestrian Royal Guard is a separate branch from the Armed Forces. Its sole purpose is to protect the idiot ruler of Equestria, Princess Celestia.
  13. Princess Celestia: Maria Dumbassario was the first Brony to be infected in Brazil. She was so obsessed with MLP that she took the name of one of the characters and is now the absolute ruler.

Citizens of Equestria[edit]

A rare image smuggled out of Equestria.
A ceremonial Equestrian flag. It curses all Anti Bronies with horrifying cringe.

If you thought the Equestrian government was bad, you'll be appalled at the behavior of its citizens. Bronies are horrendous, despicable, destructive, murderous, flesh-eating, zombie-like creatures. Their mission is to turn everyone Brony or kill them!!!! Whatever you do, don't even try to befriend a Brony. He will either force you and everyone around you to become a Brony, kill you and drink your blood, or turn you into a Grue.

A grue created by evil Bronies. RUN!!!!
The emblem of the Equestrian Brony Party. It produces so much cringe that even touching it might make you explode.
An Equestrian torture room.
The Equestrian Princess's royal banner.
Yes, Equestria has nuclear bombs. This is a missile test they did a while back.
Real footage of Bronies murdering protesters in Sāo Paulo.
Bronies have murdered countless Anti-Bronies, including this unfortunate man.

Equestria is filled with dumb Bronies who infect anyone they can see. If a Brony sends you a video, DO NOT OPEN IT! It is 100% going to be a pony video that will infect you with Friendship and Magic. When you confront a Brony, try to show the Brony how obnoxious he is. If you find a Brony on your website or thread, ban him before he infects others with Friendship or turns someone into a grue. Evacuate any areas where Bronies may infect people. Bronies have also been known to devastate entire provinces or states within nations.

Brony rituals[edit]

You might be asking, "What the fuck do Bronies do all day?" The answer: When they're not murdering non Bronies and being obnoxious brutes, they do some really horrendous things. Read on to discover the truth about Equestria's cancerous pony worship.

Equestrian Religion[edit]

Equestria's official religion is Ponyism, a cult dedicated to horse worship and reverence for Princess Celestia. The Bronies attend services in "tabernacles" made out of nothing but horse poop. The idiots then bow down to statues of ponies while yelling disgusting chants. The religion revolves around worshipping the ponies from My Little Pony, who supposedly sent Princess Celestia to earth, incarnated in human form, to lead the Bronies to world domination. Once this is achieved, it will cause eventual merging of the earth with Canterlot, which is some place where the ponies live. Even though it's depicted as a paradise, Canterlot was probably first thought of when the Bronies tried to understand the concept of hell. The use of the trademark "tabernacle" without permission has led to an ongoing lawsuit by God and Jesus, co-authors of the popular book "The Bible".

The Horse Shit Bath[edit]

In a common ritual, Ponyists bathe naked in piles and piles of horse feces. Their deluded brains came up with the ridiculous idea that bathing in this waste somehow gives them a connection with the pony gods and renews their "inner pony", a force of bullshit implanted in them by the pony gods to transform them into ponies when Earth merges with Canterlot.

Eating money[edit]

Bronies consider all currency as worthless, because they are too dumb to understand the concept of buying and selling. The Bronies believe that eating foreign money is a way to show their hatred of all things non-Brony, so they do it all the time. They sometimes burn money and pour the ashes into their stinking horse shit baths.

Kidnappings and murders[edit]

Bronies often sneak into other countries to either plant a bomb or send special Army teams to kidnap innocent victims and torment them brutally. If the gang successfully transports their captives back to Equestria, they will slaughter said captives and sacrifice their bodies to the "ponies" by covering them in dried horse shit and burning them. Of course, the smoke smells horrible, but the Bronies are so grossly deformed that their noses can't detect it. However, they know that sane people hate it, so they do these gruesome actions all across the borders with other countries. The population will subsequently flee away from Equestrian territory. Then, in the event of an invasion, the Equestrian Army can easily invade the land with little to no resistance.

Human Sacrifice[edit]

Some captured non-Bronies are kept alive in prisons instead of being murdered instantly like most sane people. When Equestria needs help, these captives are brought out of jail and into the nearest town to a sacrificial temple. There, they will either be tortured to death, drowned, asphyxiated, or killed in other ways that are too gruesome for me to talk about right now. Equestrian priests will subsequently cremate the corpses of victims to destroy their "evil Anti-Brony force". Then, the ashes are dumped into the ocean. Each time a sacrifice occurs, Bronies gather for reciting chants, speeches by Princess Celestia, and the scripts of My Little Pony episodes. They also drink horse urine, eat foreign currency and horse shit, and bathe in horse shit to celebrate the murderous ritual. Sacrificial temples are usually made of horse feces, as are most other structures in Equestria.

Equestrian linguistics[edit]

Bronies used to speak a dialect of English called Bronyspeak. However, Bronies became stupider and stupider until they created the Equestrian Language. Equestrian script is pretty much a jumble of letters and symbols that no one can understand, except for equally dumb and stupid Bronies. Here are some examples:

English to Equestrian[edit]


  • Equestria - ҴѸݧֿי๏๛ฬ (pronounced Ichudykio)
  • Conquer - ฑไดॏःमৰতὠΣς (pronounced Hojakiwanu)
  • Animal - ΔὬǾṶẈṏʶˤɤˢ′ॕक़ (pronounced Juyakov)
  • Life - ௵௸௧ڥф (pronounced Culiamuni)
  • Color - ҁѦڵݟٜٞڪ۔۰ฬ٠١ ‌٭ἱ (pronounced Fonagado tyldjdhiy)
  • Leader - ὢӜۼ۰۔ٛ۹וত௶అॏ॑भફว (pronounced Kinamukwad)
  • War - ཏשдعةஔकु (pronounced Aankgojtkl)
  • Brony - קضौ「 (pronounced Klonpr)
  • Pony - фץழㅗ (pronounced Hxufwa)


  • English - Hey, let's murder that non-Brony over there!
  • Equestrian - лయీξ ₹ןへلצ జుㅁ །ظ་ེ८ㅋ קضौ「-༼רж ㅃླسι ٦٠पँיסपिुزيت צμ
  • (pronounced Mbefka uxcyi zwak Klonpr goghlk kvemdfo fybbokr!)

(NOTE: Pronunciations are rough approximations. Bronies' throats are so horridly deformed that they can't speak normally. Besides, if you somehow pronounced these words similarly to how Bronies say them, you would turn into an evil Brony maniac.)

Equestrian Miltary[edit]

Equestrian Education[edit]

In Equestria, the Armed Forces directly control education. Children born to Bronies are already very stupid. Instead of helping them to be mentally stable, Equestria infects babies with Friendship, Magic, and gayness from birth. Those that cannot be infected or, by some miracle, develop sanity are thrown off a cliff and sacrificed to the "ponies." In the schools, children are forced to watch obscene amounts of My Little Pony and substantial amounts of the corrupted, utterly depraved garbage known as "fan-made content", which, in Equestria, means absolutely vile, filthy videos of ponies raping each other. This goes on every day until adulthood. Equestrian children end up as another generation of mindless zombies on a mission to destroy the world.

Military Bootcamp[edit]

72% of the population is drafted into the Armed Forces when they graduate their school brainwashing sessions. In bootcamp, they extensively use chemical weapons, bioweapons, land mines, and other banned or highly restricted weapons. Bootcamp is designed to make the Brony recruits even more evil and destructive and to make them hate non-Bronies even further. They are not only put through grueling work, they are also showered with evil Brony propaganda. By the end of bootcamp, they are the most vile and evil of all idiots.

Military Subdivisions[edit]

The Bronies that make it out of bootcamp are drafted into one of the subdivisions of the Equestrian Armed Forces, where they will spend the rest of their lives doing military duty, quelling rebellions, and possibly fighting in wars. The Army engages in artillery and land battles. Equestria has no Marine Corps. Instead, certain divisions of the Army do all actions that the Marines would do. The Navy engages in all warfare in the ocean. The Air Force engages in all air battles. The Army and Air Force have joint use of anti-aircraft guns.

Equestrian geography[edit]

Equestria's landscape is dull, gray and brown, and boring. It is very common to see massive wildfires burning, using the souls of the dead as fuel. The few cities that are left are filled with spy cameras, propaganda posters, monotonous houses made out of dirt and human feces, and nothing else. Wild Grues roam the countryside, killing anyone they see. Gigantic craters can be seen in the wasteland. These are made by bombs, including radioactive craters made by nuclear warheads. There is almost no plant life in the deserts. No animals are there either, other than Grues. All lakes have dried up into dry pieces of nothingness. And by nothing, I mean NOTHING. For fuck's sake, there is absolutely nothing there! The once-great Amazon River is now completely gone, with no chance of ever coming back. Even on the coast, the water is polluted with laboratory chemicals, toxins, animal poop, and bones. The shores have torn, shredded trash and wreckage strewn upon them.

Soldiers fighting in the Equestrian-American War.

Equestrian cartography[edit]

Every single damn shitty map that Equestria turns its is so bad that even amateur mapmakers laugh at the disgraceful scum and use Equestrian maps as toilet paper. Equestria's "maps" are dumb scribbles of the country with obscene pictures of horses' -uh, members designating the piles of animal crap they call cities. All other land on Earth is lazily labeled "BRONY HATERS LAND", and all decent human beings are called names like "DEMON PONY HATERS" and "DUMB ANTI-BRONY IDIOT hghfyrggrjfufyfhrhrbfju745(6()$();(;(;(>~^%~<|?~>€£€?~%~#¥);(;;". The rest of the previous insult, which, as you can see, has degenerated into total chaotic garbage, is a Grue-spawning demon chant written by Princess Celestia.

Equestrian biology[edit]

When Equestrians were infected with Friendship and Magic, their bodies and minds totally transformed into a degraded state to fit the stupid, crappy, ridiculous, hateful Brony mindset. Their arms became deformed and their bones became weak and developed holes, while muscles became unusable, eventually deteriorating. Bronies have purple, rotten, extremely toxic, gooey, squishy, moldy, decomposed, slimy brains that are full of tumors, extreme hate towards non-Bronies, and very obsolete memes which render them incapable of independent thought. Their vocal chords cannot speak. Instead, Bronies always shout, scream, and yell. Bronies act like obnoxious 12 year old boys who whine at supermarkets, and bronies often spew hate at anyone who says anything even remotely negative to My Little Pony. There are no known ways to stop the butthurt inflicted by Bronies. Bronies are well known for smashing keyboards, knocking down shelves at Walmart, yelling at people for no reason, and being absolute idiots.

Equestrian politics[edit]

An average Brony Convention. Conventions like these contain lots of perverted things, Bronies who want to kill you, and many, many deadly Grues. Run away if you see a Grue!

Brony Conventions are big sacks of garbage that smell like rotten cancer cells and spoiled cucumbers. They also emit chemicals, including cyanide, and toxic fumes. If you mistakenly end up in a Brony Convention, be aware that there are three major groups that want to subvert you outright:

  1. Ponifiers: These people are trained to infect people at all costs.
  2. Cosplayers: They dress up in lackluster pony suits made out of moldy green beans and dirty cotton.
  3. Grues:: Brony Conventions contain at least one grue. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE IF YOU SEE A GRUE!

You should check these out[edit]

If you want to know about where Bronies come from, Check this and this. If you want to know about other things check this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this and this. Also, STAY AWAY FROM BRONIES!

Useful Links[edit]

  • Equestrian