Anti-Brony

Anti Brony
An Anti-Brony in his natural habitat.
Scientific classification
Kingdom	Humans
Phylum	Hominidae
Subphylum	Tortellini
Superclass	Holotheria
Class	SomefancyLatinword
Subclass	Zatheria
Infraclass	Macaroni
Superorder	Amniota
Order	Whatthefuckamidoing
Suborder	Teleostomi
Infraorder	Glorious
Superfamily	Badassus
Family	Adventurous
Subfamily	Badassus
Tribe	Courageous
Genus	Heroicae
Species	Heroicae awesomidensis

An Anti-Brony is one of a group of people that is known to be waging an eternal war against all Bronies. Their origin is unknown, but they have definitely existed since the Stone Age, as scientists have found fossils from the Late Paleogene, indicating that Anti-Bronies have been around for a very long time. The first written account of Anti-Bronies was made by caveman Ugg, in the form of grunt-snort-grunt-grunt-stomp-grunt, meaning "those badasses over at the fishing pond" and written by Patar, an Egyptian scribe. Anti-Bronies can be seen at any location on the planet. In order to become an Anti-Brony, all that you need to do is believe that Bronies are full of bullshit and must be eliminated at all costs. Anti-Bronies often congregate in organizations, like the Anti-Brony Brotherhood. Populations fluctuate constantly, because they fight Bronies all the damn time. Often, fights break out spontaneously, with no cause other than mutual hatred. Despite their whole career consisting of Internet combat, Anti-Bronies are too awesome to be denied work, leading retired Anti-Bronies to jobs ranging from construction workers to corporate CEOs. Many famous Anti-Bronies credit their success to their Anti-Brony beliefs. Bronies have asked Wikipedia to contest this claim, but the so-called experts are too busy being lame and useless to give a shit.

History

Anti Bronies did not seriously influence history until 1982, when My Little Pony became the first Brony TV show after Bronies successfully converted Lauren Faust at Hasbro. The Brony population could no longer be contained under 650,000 and skyrocketed into the millions. Every city had some corner where Bronies stole, killed, destroyed, and overall acted like jerks. To stop this, Bronies formed organizations to stop this menace, and the war escalated to the extreme tension we see today.

Bronies were driven out of this town, but at a high cost.

Rise of My Little Pony

Brony agents undercover in Hasbro captured and indoctrinated Lauren Faust into becoming a Brony. This led to her creating the horrible show My Little Pony to spread the cancer. Anti-Bronies were unprepared, leading to the worst Brony epidemic on record. The show spread like cancer on a toxic gaming community. Cities in every continent (except Antarctica) were invaded by hordes of Bronies, commiting unspeakable acts like murder, terrorism, arson, theft, and raping horses. In response, the first Anti-Brony organizations were formed, beginning the Anti-Brony Street War.

An Anti-Brony military team.

Anti-Brony Street War (1982-1983)

The Anti-Brony Street War occurred primarily in the United States and Canada, where My Little Pony was most prevalent. At first, actual fighting occurred in cities and suburban neighborhoods. but police began guarding most battle-prone regions because of whiny dumbasses and fighting completely ceased in 1983. A brief summary of the war is written below:

Kill non-Bronies for the gay ponies! Murder each one! Don't you spare a life!

Wait, why do they have guns and knives and swords-OH FUCK!

Now they're gonna destroy every single Brony thing!

Basically the Bronies got pwned and had their asses handed to them.

Anti-Bronies charging through enemy fortifications.

First Brony War (1997-2002)

Bronies and Anti-Bronies both saw the developing Internet as a way to fight without getting arrested, using trolling. At first, they did not have any major conflicts because the Internet quality was shit, but in 1997 the First Brony War began. In primitive websites and online chat rooms, flame wars stormed across the world. When the Internet slowly got better, the war escalated into permanent damage to many growing websites. Even worse destruction was averted by a peace treaty, signed because of excitement over the band Sudden Acute Rock Sensation (SARS).

Entire websites have been nuked in the war between Bronies and Anti-Bronies.

Florida Man Skirmish (2003)

Floridian chat rooms and vlog posting sites were horrified with a massive Brony assault shortly after the end of the First Brony War. Seeking to assimilate Floridians into the Brony fandom and possibly start Brony conventions in Miami, widespread Brony faggotry, meme posting, and intense pressuring of civilians to become Bronies went on. Native Florida Man memes were endangered by Brony shitposts. Admin bans could only go so far, as Bronies flooded sites so quickly that it was impossible to ban them all. Anti-Brony forces had to cleanse website after website in a massive operation that took time and effort to undergo. After the capture of Brony meme and fanfiction production facilities, Bronies abandoned the websites, resulting in total victory for the Anti-Bronies.

Anti-Bronies owning a dumb Brony.

The Clifford Incident (2005)

The Clifford incident was when Anti-Bronies built a brand-new base for their operations in Clifford, Middle-of-Nowhere, Wisconsin. The Bronies were jealous because they were too stupid to build something that lasted for 12 goddamn seconds without vaporizing from all of the mass produced cringe from the cancerous Brony slob who made it. Determined to destroy or seize the compound, they flooded the communications system with pony images and shitty fan art. A desperate distress call was sent out before the base plunged into total chaos. Reinforcemens arrived and routed the Bronies, severely tarnishing the image of the entire Brony community. It took several weeks to repair the communications system, install extra security, and destroy the Brony propaganda.

What happens when a Brony acts like a little bitch by saying " WE WILL SPAM YUR SITE WITH PONIYS, AND YU CANT DO ANYTING ABOUT IT!" or "YOU DONT LIEK MY LEETLE PONI?!? DIE MODARFOCKUR!" and get blasted by Anti-Bronies.

Second Brony War (2007-2013)

When the Internet became even more popular, Bronies began defacing 4chan threads and even starting large YouTube channels. When the Brony section of 4chan was created as a quarantine sector, it became a base for Bronies to break out of quarantine and spread to different threads. Exclusive Brony websites marked the worst Internet situation ever. A counterattack began in 2007, successfully disinfecting several 4chan threads and shutting down small YouTube channels. Large channels could not be taken down, but the Anti-Brony presence on YouTube kept them in check. The war ended with an armistice in 2013.

Badass Anti-Brony castles.

Third Brony War (2017-2023)

The Third Brony War was started in 2017 by Bronies launching an insult campaign across 4chan and the God-forsaken places known as YouTube comment sections. As the horrid pony images, cloppers, and Brony cosplayers spread, Anti-Bronies launched a multi-faceted counteroffensive sacrificing accounts in the brutal fighting. Due to the widespread usage of the Internet, a metric ton of flaming was produced every 0.000000000000174 nanoseconds. Most websites saw major fighting and an absolute cesspool of slanders and whiny bastards in comments sections. 2023 saw a peace made by the two groups so that Anti-Bronies could have more time to be awesome and badass while Bronies could continue fucking horses.

Anti-Brony technology at its finest.

TrashCon Attack (2026)

At TrashCon, a stupid Brony convention in Baltimore, Maryland, dumb Bronies dragged people into the convention and forced them to become evil Bronies. Captives were chained to a chair and forced to watch My Little Pony non stop while they screamed from the cringe. Bronies would relish their suffering before taping their mouths shut so they could hear the show's dialogue and music, allowing them to be brainwashed more quickly. Anti-Bronies swiftly raided the building and destroyed massive amounts of Brony material. The convention was permanently closed after the attack.

Anti-Bronies in action liberating a strategic base.

Fourth Brony War (2026-2032)

The Fourth Brony War began in the aftermath of the TrashCon attack, with the most vicious war in the history of the Internet. When reports of more forced conversions at Brony conventions leaked out, the war went beyond the Internet, resulting in global war. Brony conventions were leveled, Brony fan art and fan fiction burned, and My Little Pony copies destroyed. In most countries, the war died down, but isolated islands became sites of duels and invasions until the final peace treaty in 2031. On the Internet, the flame wars would continue until 2032.

Anti-Brony artillery fire.

Subgroups of Anti Bronies

Contrary to popular belief, not all Anti-Bronies are the same. Although they all share the same characteristics of Brony hating, badassery, and being awesome, there is still much diversity within the Anti-Brony community.

Most Bronies shriek in fear once they see this.

Uncyclopedian Anti-Bronies

(Boring scientific name: Heroicae awesomidensis satiricalus)

This group is famous for despising pro-Brony bias on the god-forsaken website of Wikipedia, their extremely useful Uncyclo-Bomb, and never hesitating to use high-quality satire to overwhelm the simple, autistic minds of Bronies, which are too small, too stupid, and too flawed to comprehend even the most basic of the wide array of subjects covered by Uncyclopedia.

An Anti-Brony regiment.

American Anti-Bronies

(Boring scientific name: Heroicae awesomeidensis burger)

This subgroup often supplies other Anti-Bronies, due to most Americans having hella guns because freedom. After clammering about some right their mythical patriarchs, the Founding Fathers gave them called "no taxation without representation" and refusing to give donations without Anti-Brony groups meeting their demands, they elected a representative named "Uncle Sam", whose revolutionary super weapon, the Spinning, Fully Automatic, All-Consuming Liberty Star (nicknamed Statue of Liberty for short) is commonly used by Anti-Brony soldiers, despite its disadvantage of requiring large amounts of oil.

French Anti-Bronies

(Boring scientific name: Heroicae awesomidensis baguette)

With their baguette swords and strategy so revolutionary their colony had a revolution, French Anti-Bronies introduced the guillotine, a head-chopping device that, when improvised, could slice anything, shitty pony figurines, dumb fan art, and much more. Sometimes they airdrop wine into Brony camps, leading to the Bronies getting insanely drunk, dumber than they already are, and incapable of any real fighting.

British Anti-Bronies

(Boring scientific name: Heroicae awesomidensis brittanicus)

Due to the British Empire, Brits will often seize every single worthless rock, reef, island, or atoll they can find. Even the most remote, isolated Brony strongholds completely cut off from the rest of the world will face an army of Anti-Bronies once the Brits spot them. Flooding is no issue as the British are used to absolutely ridiculous amounts of rain. They can easily master the art of distinguishing Bronies from regular people due to standing so long in queues. May require a cup of tea occasionally.

Martian Anti-Bronies

(Boring scientific name: They don't have one.)

Anti-Bronies from the Holy Martian Empire, disgusted at My Little Pony and the Bronies making a shitshow out of humanity, have recently been found smithing the living hell out of Bronies with their advanced technology. They mainly travel to Earth via the Phobos Rocket Base and arrive at Area 51, the Holy Martian Empire's American embassy. The souvenir shop sells patented high-tech stealth suits that allow the aliens to disguise themselves as humans to avoid detection by the History Channel and their Ancient Aliens TV show, because if they were caught they would be permanently screwed.

Anti-Brony Organizations

Anti-Brony organizations have played a major role in many wars and skirmishes. These are the largest organizations.

Anti-Brony Brotherhood

The Anti-Brony Brotherhood was the first Anti-Brony organization. Founded in 2004 as an international organization, it has over 238.4 million members and frequently expels Bronies from websites and raids Brony strongholds. Unfortunately, its member have been purged by grammar Nazis, Grues, nerds, and also Sweden. Popular slogans include "Destroy the Hooved Menace!" and "Ponies are Gey". One notable instance was a member removing a Brony from existence by painting a happy little tree because Bronies are too stupid to comprehend what the hell a tree even is, let alone art itself.

Anti-Brony Allies

Anti-Brony Allies was founded in 2007 in the United States, and it has since gained 224.2 million members. They are especially prevalent on YouTube. A common operation is defending against attacks by Bronies viciously slandering Anti-Bronies.

Anti-Brony Legion

This group was founded in 2011 in France, and it is the largest Anti-Brony group in Europe, with branches in England, Spain, Portugal, Italy, Germany, and Poland. It currently has 216.1 million members.