The Great Panda Panda-emic

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The Great Panda Panda-emic was one of the baddest disasters in history, causing the complete non-existence of everything everywhere.


The term panda-emic was coined in 1993 by the alleged "Mr. Catnip", also known by his other name, Jean Chretien. Its supposed meaning is

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Panda-emic - (noun) A sudden and violent influx/invasion of pandas into a location, generally resulting in total panda domination.

What is it?[edit]

The Great Panda Panda-emic occurred the same year that pandas were discovered to exist. It all began when a single Opian panda came to the USA. Customs immediately labeled him an illegal immigrant, though his passport was up-to-date and valid. After having his fur searched many times, the Opian was released. Customs, however was unaware that the sentence two sentences ago in this article was completely untrue, and that the Opian had in fact been part of the group Al-Panda, which was labeled as very dangerous in the USA. This led to an instant panic all over the world, with 98% of people purchasing random fluffy objects which rose up during the night and munched on their brains, and George W. Bush passing the Panda Act, which stated that all pandas in the United States were to be "deadified" immediately. This was rather difficult, as pandas are immortal, and the Panda-emic had begun.

What happened during the Panda-emic?[edit]

The incoming flow of pandas/Opians was too much for Americans to handle, mainly because they discounted the fact that everything everywhere was being rendered non-existent. After arriving to the conclusion that pandas were really cute, the Customs attempted to legalize them in America, not realizing that this was an impossible feat, as America had been rendered non-existent along with the words and concepts "attempted", "to", "legalize", "them", and in". Pandas soon entirely assimilated the (non-existent) government, and nothing can stop a panda with victoly in it's grasp.


Once everything everywhere was non-existent, the pandas (who were not everything everywhere and thus still existed) decided to go frolic in the meadows. Unfortunately, this escalated into controlled violence, and...