User:Maniac1075/Bobby Heenan
“What are we going to do tonight, Brain?”
“Same thing we do everynight, Gorilla. Get drunk and try to host a wrestling show”
“Heh...Narff”
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan is a former wrestler, wrestling commentator, diva's wrestling pantie inspector & part time worker in McDonalds where he painted the grill marks on burgers. Bobby will be most remembered as the zany and campy wrestling manager from the 1980's to early 90's with his non black & white commentary during his time with the WWF. (The wrestling one, not the pandas smashing chairs over each others head one) Bobby was also known as "The Weasel" because he did this trick that we don't really want to go into too much detail with, but it involved a case of Viagra, a bottle of lube and a few drinks to the tune of "Pop goes the weasel".
Wrestling Career[edit | edit source]
Nothing is known about Bobby's wrestling career. There are urban legends that he was once a professional wrestler, but finding out the truth on that matter has proven to be harder then Micheal Jackson watching Sesame Street.
Wrestling Manager[edit | edit source]
Bobby was rather sucky as a wrestler, so he figured he would try his hand at managing wrestlers instead. He started off in the AWA where he managed... ummm... wrestlers... but was soon lured to the WWF by Vince McMahon to manage Jesse Ventura to help keep him focused on the wrestling world and not politics. Unfortunately Bobby failed at that task. Soon Bobby set out to find the best talent he could, but like the zany old goof he was, he only managed to find absolute fucking weirdos. It's a little known fact that Bobby speaks over 6.5 million forms of communications. That is half a million more then C-3P0! Some of these rare forms of communication allowed him to bring some of the best non-English speaking, and just plain non-speaking, monsters to the WWF. One in particular was the infamous African witch-doctor, Kamala, who was Bobby's #1 pick for the 1987 playmate of the year. Tho Kamala would only get second place to Randy Savage.
Bobby was the reason such mid-card greats of the 1980's WWF superstars found their positions in the WWF. Bobby revealed his method was because he loved a drink, and where their is a bar, their is big ol' beefy, unemployed, muscle men who Bobby knew for 20 bucks he could dress them up in a goofy costume and get them jobs in the WWF. One of his most famous stories was when he and his good friend Andre The Giant where drinking in a bar in Atlanta, and Andre dared Bobby to get the biggest and meanest looking guy he could find, and dress him up as a bee, and throw him into the WWF. Well, being the great negotiator Bobby was, he not only found one, but 2 men to do the job, and that was the beginnings of one of Bobby's most popular tag-teams he managed, The Killer Bees.
Bobby's wild sense of humor seemed rather "out there" at the time. But soon Bobby was a key figure in helping the WWF find upper-card talent. Bobby says he is proud he found all that mid-card talent, but suddenly he found it pays more to find upper-class wrestlers to build up for a while to take a dive to Hulk Hogan when they reached their peak. This saved time for Vince McMahon to have to hang around mens gyms looking for the guy who does the most steroids. Heenan would find the biggest and baddest men he could find to take dives to Hogan. Names included where such great Hogan-divers as Ravishing Rick Rude, King Kong Bundy, Hercules & Barbarian, Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndoff, Mr. Perfect, Mr. T and Mr. Ed just to name a few.
As well as finding people to take dives to Hogan in the one-on-one category, Heenan also kept finding tag-team talent. He called all his wrestlers he managed the Heenan Family. Tho none of them where related, but he is not too sure what happened on some nights of drinking with Andre. As he stated, "well, there was that one time at band camp. So anything is possible when it comes to who the father of Randy Savage is, but I don't think I would have slept with my sister to get a kid that ugly, but who knows how much Andre made me drink!?"
Commentator[edit | edit source]
WWF Commentary[edit | edit source]
In 1986 Bobby joined the late Gorilla Monsoon as the colorful commentator of the WWF. Gorilla played the straight man, and Bobby played the gay one. Together they became one of the best commentating duo in Wrestling history, or so the WWE claim. Bobby's goofy sense of humor provided audiences with unforgettable quotes such as ...ummmm.... well, you had to be there to remember them! Their diverse commentary proved to be so successful that they even where given their own interview show. They would interview wrestlers and do little skits that where funny and unforgettable, like the time Bobby did the ... ummm... hmmm.... well, he did funny things... supposedly.
WCW Commentator[edit | edit source]
Towards the mid 90's Bobby left the WWF to go and be with family down in Florida. Bobby had retired from the Wrestling world, but like any former WWF's employees, the smell of Ted Turners money was hard to ignore. But respectfully, Bobby was one of the only former WWF employees to take a job with the WCW that wasn't due to being pissed off and fired by Vince McMahon. This is a historical feat that still astonishes fans of the Attitude era of wrestling that Heenan just took the job cause it was close to home. Bobby commentated for the WCW for a few years before it was put out of it's misery in 1999. Bobby received a wealthy paycheck from the WCW, but Vince McMahon was quoted as saying, "the WCW just didn't know how to use Bobby. They could have built the whole company around him, but didn't know how utilize him" which is why Bobby was not well recognized in the WCW era and spent most of second half of the 1990's in the "Whatever happened to such and such" category's.
Personal Life & Death[edit | edit source]
Bobby retired from Wrestling after the end of the WCW. Even tho he was offered positions to come back to the WWF, now WWE, he declined many offers to join full time due to his ill health. He did however come back a few times to events like Wrestlefakia as a special appearance, but Heenan only did that for the money he needed to help pay off the last debts owing on Andre The Giants drinking tabs. Rumor has it Heenan appeared a couple of times on TNA, but due to TNA being TNA, no one saw it. Heenan was quoted in February 2010 just before he sadly passed away, "I'm glad I never went to work for TNA, now that Eric Bischoff and Hogan are running the place, I'm glad i'm not working for another company about to be driven into the ground, fuck that, the hookers are warmer here anyway and I get senior discounts, who can pass up 75% off a bukkake party?"
Bobby will live on forever in the memories of everyone who was a fan since the early 1980's of the WWF, and those who discover DVD's of the past wrestling years and wonder what a wrestling manager even was?
