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Portal:Television

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The Television Portal
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Television is the end product of a signal produced by a stream of electrons impacting on the phosphors of a cathode ray tube. This relatively simple device also happens to be the worst thing to have ever happened to the human race's intelligence. Well, until the Internet that is.

Television also makes you think the images are moving. Television sets contain high levels of drugs which wirelessly and invisibly enter your body orally. The "picture" on a television screen is actually simply black with nothing. This has been considered by scientists as to why many children and teenagers are addicted to watching television; there are many bright colours in children's programmes, and bright colours can cause double levels of the "teledrug" (the top secret mixture of drugs in a TV set) to feed into the children's brains, so as they are mesmerised by the drugs, more feeds into their tiny little brains. This is said to be why the number of children with autism is increasing. (Full article...)

Broadcasted Article
This is the only picture that we could find...

A flashy 3D news logo flashes toward you, threatening to blind you with swirling incomprehensible messages, which can only be interpreted by the announcer:

ANNOUNCER: 16:30, 17 April 2008 (UTC)... From Comedy Central's international world news headquarters in New York, New York... This is The Daily Show with Jon Stewart!

Cut to a studio filled with cheering disenfranchised politically-anti-involved teenaged voters surrounding a news desk, at which sits America's most trusted newsanchor, scrawling unknowable mysteries on a piece of paper. He completes his mystical scroll with a few elaborate scribbles, then turns to the camera

STEWART: WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!1111!1!!!11!!1!!11 WELCOMETOTHEDAILYSHOW

Written by Kalir
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The great black teletubby.
Image by Rbpolsen
Featured Personality
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Oscar at the orphanage.

Oscar, born in the early twentieth century, has become a well-known face around the popular Sesame Street. But unlike the other monsters, who have a reputation of being happy and friendly, Oscar has gathered a reputation for being grouchy. This begs the question; "Why would a man who lives on the happiest place on earth come off as grouchy?" Well, those who ask this are ignorant, and lack insight into this monster's life. A life which is more torn and twisted than this world itself. If only more people knew his story, they would come to see why he can be more or less angry at times. But sadly, this isn't the case. His life has brought him down and as he withers away from this world which has forsaken him, he leaves with the infamous nickname, Oscar the Grouch.…

Archive Article credit: Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (more...)
In the News
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What the hell is wrong with this damn thing!?

Lancaster, PA -- My name is Wilford Pissbritches and I'm 74 years old. I've got a bone to pick with you long-haired hippy kids. I've had this TV for as long as I can remember, and now, the goddamned thing won't work worth shit! All I get is some snowy crap, these little white dots and speckles all over this black background. The hell's wrong with this thing?

I am a widowed retired 'Nam veteran and McDonald's cashier, and the shit I go through ain't nothing compared to this hippy-happy nonsense. I tried bringing in my TV to Uncle Charlie's Salvage Emporium, only to find out that old Charlie had been dead for eight years and his grandson owns the store now.…

Archive Article credit: PF4Eva (more...)
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What's On?
The A-Team •

American Dad • Das Love Boot • Dexter • Ed, Edd n Eddy • Father Ted • Frasier • Full House • Glee • House M.D. • I Love Lucy • Law and Order • Lost • Mad TV • My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic • My Name Is Earl • Pimp My Ride • Pinky and the Brain • Prison Break • Robot Chicken • Saturday Night Live • Scooby Doo • Sex and the City • The Simpsons • South Park • Star Trek • The Adventures of Stan Lee's Toupee • The Biggest Loser • The Daily Show • The French Prince of Bel Air • The Office • The Office (US Version) • The Sopranos • The West Wing • Torchwood • Touched by an Uncle • Wilde On • The X-Files

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