Portal:Television
Television is the end product of a signal produced by a stream of electrons impacting on the phosphors of a cathode ray tube. This relatively simple device also happens to be the worst thing to have ever happened to the human race's intelligence. Well, until the Internet that is.
Television also makes you think the images are moving. Television sets contain high levels of drugs which wirelessly and invisibly enter your body orally. The "picture" on a television screen is actually simply black with nothing. This has been considered by scientists as to why many children and teenagers are addicted to watching television; there are many bright colours in children's programmes, and bright colours can cause double levels of the "teledrug" (the top secret mixture of drugs in a TV set) to feed into the children's brains, so as they are mesmerised by the drugs, more feeds into their tiny little brains. This is said to be why the number of children with autism is increasing. (See more...)
Do sea monsters really dwell beneath the waves of the world’s oceans? Do dinosaurs still survive in remote parts of the African Rainforest? Did brutal Soviet dictator Josef Stalin attempt to fund an army of man-ape hybrids?
Science and the academic community have yet to find the answers. For this reason, the History Channel has developed MonsterQuest, a television program 100% devoted to discovering the truth of these and other highly contentious matters. MonsterQuest—part of a new block of quality programming that includes Ice Road Truckers, MysteryQuest, Ice Road Truckers, and Ice Road Truckers—is known for holding itself to the strictest and most stringent of standards, like consulting only the most respected academics and interviewing no more than six lower-middle-class people from Middle America per episode. (See more...)
- ... that Tony Danza is actually the boss, but it depends on which witch from Charmed is your favorite?
- ... that David Attenborough and Steve Irwin used to be very close friends?
- ... that William Shatner and Henry Winkler often share girlfriends?
- ... that Bob Saget auditioned for the role of MacGuyver?
- ... that Wade Wells isn't really a pixie, it's just her haircut?
- ... that if your mom hadn't let you watch so much television, you'd find Wikipedia more entertaining than Uncyclopedia?
John Frank "E.T." Tesh (born July 9, 1952) has explored and conquered many facets of the entertainment and broadcasting industries. In a surprisingly successful career that now spans more than 25 years, Tesh has become known as a respected leader in Television, Radio, Film, Music, and Space Exploration, rivalled only in popularity by Howard Stern. People worldwide have enjoyed John Tesh; both his music, and his witty quips on “The John Tesh Radio Show,” but what most people don't know is that John Tesh is in fact an alien. That's right. The "E.T." in his name stands for Extra Terrestrial, and has nothing to do with his ten year stint as host of Entertainment Tonight.
John Tesh has a long and well-publicized rivalry with singer Michael Jackson. It began on December 27, 1983, when, during an appearance on The Tonight Show, Michael Jackson launched into a criticism of John Tesh's grooming habits and propensity for goatees. John Tesh reportedly responded by covertly positioning sparklers near the stage during the filming of a Pepsi ad in 1984, setting Jackson's hair on fire when the pyrotechnics display was activated. (See more...)
MOSCOW, Russia – Recent weeks have seen the yachts of Russian oligarchs successful Russian businessmen unfairly impounded, their business-assets illegally seized, and their houses occupied by fascist activists in the bourgeois capitals of the world; London, Paris, Dubai, and Macclesfield. It was only a matter of time until the Russian government retaliated in kind.
Unlike the reactionary regimes of the West, Russia's government has reacted to unceasing provocation slowly and without anger, only targeting the assets of the most egregious exploiters of the heroic Russian proletariat in a sequence of measured steps. Yesterday, Man of the Year 1999-present, President of the Russian Federation, and Grand Wizard of all the House-elves, Vladimir Putin announced the first riposte in the salvo of devastating industrial blows that will bring the West to its knees. No more will Russian pre-schoolers be subject to pernicious western propaganda, aimed at bringing the next generation to its knees before it can reach maturity. (See more...)
-
Art
Peak pretentiousness -
Business
Money, money, money! -
Comedy
The science of funny -
Culinary
Food for the soul -
Film
Enter the Matrix -
Games
Recess time -
Gay
A gay ol' time -
Geography
Get lost -
History
Factually wrong -
Literature
Literally illiterate -
Internet
A series of tubes -
Music
Rock on! -
Politics
Politically incorrect -
People
The people's portal -
Religion
Speak of the Devil -
Science
Playing to be God -
Society
We live in one -
Technology
Breaking stuff easier -
Television
Turn your brain off -
Theatre
To be or not to be -
Video Games
Better than sex -
Zoology
Beware of furries -
Portals
Meta-Portal -
Community
The Community -
Main Page
The Uncyclopedia
