Portal:Television

Uncyclopedia Portals: Art · Business · Culinary · Games · History · Music · People · Politics · Religion · Science · Society · Technology · All... Comedy · Film · Gay · Literature · Pregnancy · Television · Theatre · Video Games (Mario) · Zoology

edit

The Television Portal

Television is the end product of a signal produced by a stream of electrons impacting on the phosphors of a cathode ray tube. This relatively simple device also happens to be the worst thing to have ever happened to the human race's intelligence. Well, until the Internet that is.

Television also makes you think the images are moving. Television sets contain high levels of drugs which wirelessly and invisibly enter your body orally. The "picture" on a television screen is actually simply black with nothing. This has been considered by scientists as to why many children and teenagers are addicted to watching television; there are many bright colours in children's programmes, and bright colours can cause double levels of the "teledrug" (the top secret mixture of drugs in a TV set) to feed into the children's brains, so as they are mesmerised by the drugs, more feeds into their tiny little brains. This is said to be why the number of children with autism is increasing. (Full article...)

edit

Highlighted Article

A typical scene from People Pointing Guns at Each Other.

People Pointing Guns at Each Other, known in its first season as Prison Break, is an American serial drama television series on Fox. The series revolves around two brothers who run around the Western Hemisphere pointing guns at people and having guns pointed at them. First, however, they break out of prison.

The series was originally pitched to Fox in 2003 as a story exclusively about people breaking out of prison, but studio execs pointed out that either those people would eventually succeed in breaking out of prison, in which case the series would be over, or else the plot would never go anywhere, in which case the series would be Lost.

In 2004, creator Paul Scheuring re-pitched the series...

Archive

Article credit: Hyperbole

(more)

edit

Highlighted News

What the hell is wrong with this damn thing!?

Lancaster, PA -- My name is Wilford Pissbritches and I'm 74 years old. I've got a bone to pick with you long-haired hippy kids. I've had this TV for as long as I can remember, and now, the goddamned thing won't work worth shit! All I get is some snowy crap, these little white dots and speckles all over this black background. The hell's wrong with this thing?

I am a widowed retired 'Nam veteran and McDonald's cashier, and the shit I go through ain't nothing compared to this hippy-happy nonsense. I tried bringing in my TV to Uncle Charlie's Salvage Emporium, only to find out that old Charlie had been dead for eight years and his grandson owns the store now.

Archive

Article credit: PF4Eva

(more...)

edit

Did You Know...

…Neil Patrick Harris hates watching television, unless it's Grey's Anatomy or House MD?

…every time you turn on your television, your high school P.E. teacher cries?

…David Attenborough and Steve Irwin used to be very close friends?

…Tony Danza is actually the boss, but it depends on which witch from Charmed is your favorite?

…if you watch The Facts of Life backwards episode by episode, it unlocks the secrets of the universe?

…Bob Saget auditioned for the role of MacGuyver?

…William Shatner and Henry Winkler often share girlfriends?

…if your mom hadn't let you watch so much television, you'd find Wikipedia more entertaining than Uncyclopedia?

…Wade Wells isn't really a pixie, it's just her haircut?

…Now that The Big Bang Theory is over you can now say that it sucks?

…this portal needs more did you knows?

edit

Selected picture

The great black teletubby.

Nominate stuff

Image credit: Rbpolsen

Image archive

edit

Highlighted Biography

Oscar at the orphanage.

Oscar, born in the early twentieth century, has become a well-known face around the popular Sesame Street. But unlike the other monsters, who have a reputation of being happy and friendly, Oscar has gathered a reputation for being grouchy. This begs the question; "Why would a man who lives on the happiest place on earth come off as grouchy?" Well, those who ask this are ignorant, and lack insight into this monster's life. A life which is more torn and twisted than this world itself. If only more people knew his story, they would come to see why he can be more or less angry at times. But sadly, this isn't the case. His life has brought him down and as he withers away from this world which has forsaken him, he leaves with the infamous nickname, Oscar the Grouch.

Archive

Article credit: Sockpuppet of an unregistered user

(more...)

edit

Things You Can Do

Shut up and watch TV, kids!!

edit

Things You Should Know

Inventors and pioneers: Alan Archibald Campbell-Swinton•

Alan Blumlein• Allen B. DuMont• Boris Grabovsky• Boris Rosing• Charles Francis Jenkins• Constantin Perskyi• David Sarnoff• John Logie Baird• Kálmán Tihanyi• Paul Gottlieb Nipkow• Philo Taylor Farnsworth•

Vladimir Zworykin