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Portal:Television

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The Television Portal
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Television is the end product of a signal produced by a stream of electrons impacting on the phosphors of a cathode ray tube. This relatively simple device also happens to be the worst thing to have ever happened to the human race's intelligence. Well, until the Internet that is.

Television also makes you think the images are moving. Television sets contain high levels of drugs which wirelessly and invisibly enter your body orally. The "picture" on a television screen is actually simply black with nothing. This has been considered by scientists as to why many children and teenagers are addicted to watching television; there are many bright colours in children's programmes, and bright colours can cause double levels of the "teledrug" (the top secret mixture of drugs in a TV set) to feed into the children's brains, so as they are mesmerised by the drugs, more feeds into their tiny little brains. This is said to be why the number of children with autism is increasing. (See more...)

Broadcasted Article
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People Pointing Guns at Each Other, known in its first season as Prison Break, is an American serial drama television series on Fox. The series revolves around two brothers who run around the Western Hemisphere pointing guns at people and having guns pointed at them. First, however, they break out of prison.

The series was originally pitched to Fox in 2003 as a story exclusively about people breaking out of prison, but studio execs pointed out that either those people would eventually succeed in breaking out of prison, in which case the series would be over, or else the plot would never go anywhere, in which case the series would be Lost. (See more...)

Featured Image
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Chuck Norris breaks another TV from across the fourth wall.
Did You Know?
The more you know...
  • ... that every time you turn on your television, your high school P.E. teacher cries?
  • ... that Neil Patrick Harris hates watching television, unless it's Grey's Anatomy or House MD?
  • ... that if you watch The Facts of Life backwards episode by episode, it unlocks the secrets of the universe?}}
  • ... that Bob Saget auditioned for the role of MacGuyver?
  • ... now that The Big Bang Theory is over you can now say that it sucks?
  • ... that Tony Danza is actually the boss, but it depends on which witch from Charmed is your favorite?
Featured Personality
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Oscar, born in the early twentieth century, has become a well-known face around the popular Sesame Street. But unlike the other monsters, who have a reputation of being happy and friendly, Oscar has gathered a reputation for being grouchy. This begs the question; "Why would a man who lives on the happiest place on earth come off as grouchy?" Well, those who ask this are ignorant, and lack insight into this monster's life. A life which is more torn and twisted than this world itself. If only more people knew his story, they would come to see why he can be more or less angry at times. But sadly, this isn't the case. His life has brought him down and as he withers away from this world which has forsaken him, he leaves with the infamous nickname, Oscar the Grouch. (See more...)

In the News
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MOSCOW, Russia – Recent weeks have seen the yachts of Russian oligarchs successful Russian businessmen unfairly impounded, their business-assets illegally seized, and their houses occupied by fascist activists in the bourgeois capitals of the world; London, Paris, Dubai, and Macclesfield. It was only a matter of time until the Russian government retaliated in kind.

Unlike the reactionary regimes of the West, Russia's government has reacted to unceasing provocation slowly and without anger, only targeting the assets of the most egregious exploiters of the heroic Russian proletariat in a sequence of measured steps. Yesterday, Man of the Year 1999-present, President of the Russian Federation, and Grand Wizard of all the House-elves, Vladimir Putin announced the first riposte in the salvo of devastating industrial blows that will bring the West to its knees. No more will Russian pre-schoolers be subject to pernicious western propaganda, aimed at bringing the next generation to its knees before it can reach maturity. (See more...)

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