Portal:Television
Television is the end product of a signal produced by a stream of electrons impacting on the phosphors of a cathode ray tube. This relatively simple device also happens to be the worst thing to have ever happened to the human race's intelligence. Well, until the Internet that is.
Television also makes you think the images are moving. Television sets contain high levels of drugs which wirelessly and invisibly enter your body orally. The "picture" on a television screen is actually simply black with nothing. This has been considered by scientists as to why many children and teenagers are addicted to watching television; there are many bright colours in children's programmes, and bright colours can cause double levels of the "teledrug" (the top secret mixture of drugs in a TV set) to feed into the children's brains, so as they are mesmerised by the drugs, more feeds into their tiny little brains. This is said to be why the number of children with autism is increasing. (Full article...)
A flashy 3D news logo flashes toward you, threatening to blind you with swirling incomprehensible messages, which can only be interpreted by the announcer:
ANNOUNCER: 16:30, 17 April 2008 (UTC)... From Comedy Central's international world news headquarters in New York, New York... This is The Daily Show with Jon Stewart!
Cut to a studio filled with cheering disenfranchised politically-anti-involved teenaged voters surrounding a news desk, at which sits America's most trusted newsanchor, scrawling unknowable mysteries on a piece of paper. He completes his mystical scroll with a few elaborate scribbles, then turns to the camera
STEWART: WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!1111!1!!!11!!1!!11 WELCOMETOTHEDAILYSHOW
John Frank "E.T." Tesh (born July 9, 1952) has explored and conquered many facets of the entertainment and broadcasting industries. In a surprisingly successful career that now spans more than 25 years, Tesh has become known as a respected leader in Television, Radio, Film, Music, and Space Exploration, rivalled only in popularity by Howard Stern. People worldwide have enjoyed John Tesh; both his music, and his witty quips on “The John Tesh Radio Show,” but what most people don't know is that John Tesh is in fact an alien. That's right. The "E.T." in his name stands for Extra Terrestrial, and has nothing to do with his ten year stint as host of Entertainment Tonight.
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| What the hell is wrong with this damn thing!? |
Lancaster, PA -- My name is Wilford Pissbritches and I'm 74 years old. I've got a bone to pick with you long-haired hippy kids. I've had this TV for as long as I can remember, and now, the goddamned thing won't work worth shit! All I get is some snowy crap, these little white dots and speckles all over this black background. The hell's wrong with this thing?
I am a widowed retired 'Nam veteran and McDonald's cashier, and the shit I go through ain't nothing compared to this hippy-happy nonsense. I tried bringing in my TV to Uncle Charlie's Salvage Emporium, only to find out that old Charlie had been dead for eight years and his grandson owns the store now.…
| Archive | Article credit: PF4Eva | (more...) |
- Neil Patrick Harris hates watching television, unless it's Grey's Anatomy or House MD?
- every time you turn on your television, your high school P.E. teacher cries?
- David Attenborough and Steve Irwin used to be very close friends?
- Tony Danza is actually the boss, but it depends on which witch from Charmed is your favorite?
- if you watch The Facts of Life backwards episode by episode, it unlocks the secrets of the universe?}}
- Bob Saget auditioned for the role of MacGuyver?
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