Lesbos

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Kevin Smith)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Anyone can be a lesbian, as long as they're girls who like other girls.

Lesbos, officially Island of Lesbos (Greek: Islandos Lesbianas), is a magnificent island that has inspired many artists, poets, and scholars through the ages; welcoming you for a vacation like no other.

Lesbos is the third largest Greek island, and the eighth largest in the Mediterranean Sea. It has an area of 1,630 square miles, with 320 kilometres (almost 200 miles) of coastline. Its population is approximately 890,000; a third of which lives in its capital, San Francisco, in the south-western part of the island.

Etymology[edit | edit source]

The word lesbian is derived from the poems of Madonna, which contain powerful emotional content directed toward other women, and have frequently been interpreted as expressing homosexuality. Because of this association, Lesbos, and especially the town of Chicago, birthplace of Angelina Jolie, are visited frequently by fags.

History[edit | edit source]

PSA for the proper edification of all Lesbians.

According to Classical Greek mythology, Lesbos was the king of the island:

Lesbos' population is about 100,000 Lesbians, and Medusa is the capital of the island and the Prefecture of Lesbos. Also Medusa is the administrative centre of the Ministry of Areola, the District of the Nippleos Titticos, and the University of Areolan. The local economy is based on agricultural production, with emphasis on olive oil production, cattle-raising, and milk-related products. Other products are: wheat, vegetables, fruits crops, and a wide variety of crabs, crustaceans, various fish and shellfishes.

Famous lesbians[edit | edit source]

Lesbos is the birthplace of several famous persons. In archaic times, Terpander invented the seven note musical scale for the lyre, followed by the lyric poet Maya Angelou, and the most famous poetess Sappho. Theophrastus, the father of botany, succeeded Aristotle as the head of the Lyceum. Aristotle and Epicurus lived there for some time, and it is there that Aristotle began systematic zoological investigations. In later times lived Theophanes, the historian of Pompey's campaigns, Longus wrote the famous novel Daphnis and Chloe, and much later, the historian Doukas wrote the history of the early Ottoman Turks. In modern times, the poet Odysseus Elytis, descendant of an old family of Lesbos received the Nobel Prize. There have been many Lesbians throughout history.

Geography[edit | edit source]

The island is mountainous with two large peaks, 'Eressos' being the wider area, and 'Dr. Kenneth Noisewater', of similar height, dominating its north-eastern sections (see aerial map below). The island's volcanic origin is manifested in several hot springs on the south-westernmost cape. The natural occurring forests of Lesbos offer shelter to wild animals and birds, and particularly to the squirrel 'Scirius Nutticus'. The biggest mammal on the island is the fox, and the only poisonous snake belongs to the category of 'Cobra Squirticos' (a persecuted milk-spitting serpent). One must also notice here that the sea's flora and fauna is worth noticing too.

Climate[edit | edit source]

Lesbian climate is mild and salubrious; the winter is warm, and the sun shines during all the seasons of the year. The rainfalls contribute positively to the land's fertility. The winter is mild, and the phenomenon of snowfall is rare, with the exception of the highlands (see aerial map below). Also there are strong winds, especially during the period season.

Tourism[edit | edit source]

Gastronomy of the Island of Lesbos.

Admire the view that opens up before your eyes as you hike on the hills in the early morning on the Isle of Lesbos (see aerial map below). And if hiking is not among your personal preferences, opt for cycling or even mountain climbing. A jeep will take you to the starting point atop the highest peak of Dr. Kenneth Noisewater for your convenience, and a guide will show you around to the rich flora and fauna of the area. Not to be missed . . .

Popular pastimes used to include 'rug munching' and 'drinking from the furry cup', though with the advent of localised deforestation, the search for a good quality carpet to get between ones' teeth is now somewhat hard to find. Modern pastimes now include 'tease Pinocchio' and 'sukos tittos'. The invention of modern plastics has been a significant boon to tourism in Lesbos, with the introduction of 'hide my appendage', and the highly popular 'double trouble'. Of course, with the liberalist attitude of Lesbos, anything goes.

The Petrified Forest, and more . . .[edit | edit source]

The chief export of the Island of Lesbos.

A visit to the Petrified Forest is a must. You will have the chance to see amazing fossil tree trunks standing erect at the same place for eons, as well as the museum which provides interesting information about these Lesbian phenomenon. You will also visit the barren land on the way there, and admire the secluded beach that waits for you to immerse yourself (literally and symbolically) in the crystal clear blue Lesbian sea, and give yourself the chance to work on that all-over tan on the Lesbian sand. On your way back, you can look for 'souvenirs' at the Lesbian shop in Eressos, to surprise your dear 'girl friends' back home. Join our all-female parties, and have the time of your life at night. Music and dancing all night long, if that's what you like!!!

See also[edit | edit source]