Anarchy

“The Anarchist are getting very greedy James Kirk, the United Federation of Planets is a utopia, and still there those who prefer to have no government at all.”

~ Spock

Florida in 2020

Anarchism is often described, usually by men in pubs, as a system of government headed by an Anarch. Canada, for example, became an anarchy in 1867, after the signing of the Arachnia proclamation.

Economy

Any anarchist, anarchistic, or anarcho-communist (a trademark of Coke) economy relies primarily on cannibalism. Veganism is found to be practised seldom, and then only when there are no cops or priests around to cook and eat. Anarchists are also known to have been found living off of thin-air. But reports have contradicted this as the claimants also claimed that anarchists had ideas about a world where you don't have to work for getting something to eat, and they are found casually sleeping in the bed of your beautiful wife or daughter as a primary source of shelter.

Anarchy in practice

Anarchy has a long history. Iniquois Indians in North America operated under Anarchism, without governing rulers. The 1930's saw a rise in Anarchism in Spain during the revolution, when the Fascists under General Francisco Franco fought against the peseants and working class people of the CNT and other Anarchist Syndicalist organizations. After 1990, Florida became an anarchist Banana Republic.

Anarchy in non-human species

An anarchist bat, resolutely hanging downside-up, as is his perogative as an autonomous individual.

A rarely-photographed picture of Bob, a sub-aqua anarchist cow, who lives on the East-Indian Ocean floor. Sub-aqua anarchist cows are thought to surface at least once a year in order to blow shit up, because it's hard to light bombs underwater.

It's not just humans who are anarchists. Anarchy appears in nature all the time. This is most common in cows, who are well known for being a species willing to act out against authority and eager to subvert the social norms imposed upon them by authority figures (like Barack Hussein Obama or Farmer Brown). An example of this would be the movie Barnyard (based on true events). "Old McDonald's Farm" was originally a story about his cow who turned anarchist, shat on the pig, re-appropriated McDonalds Farm in the name of the animals (who coincidently continued to pretend that they were dumb creatures) and then the cow ran (or swam) off to join the Sub-Aqua Anarchist Cow Association of America (SAACCAA) after bedding McDonald's wife.

Subcategories of Anarchism

• Post-anarchism - Anarchism by mail
• Postmodern anarchism - Anarchism by email
• Philosophical Anarchism - Thinking about blowing shit up, but not actually doing it
• Anarchosyndicalism - Workers wanting to do less work
• Christian Anarchism - Often read The Bible backwards and/or while on the loo (then burning it)
• Spiritual Anarchism - Anarchism for drunk people
• Social Anarchism - Anarchists with friends (a rare variety)
• Mutual Anarchism - "I want to be an anarchist if you do"
• Anarchy in the U.K.- "I am an Antichrist. I am an Anarcheeeeeeeeeeest"
• Anarcho-Communism - Happy shiny people world
• Anarcho-Greens - Anarchists with a passion for gardening
• Anarcho-Punks - Anarchists with bad haircuts (a common symptom of blowing shit up)
• Anarcho-Capitalism - Anarchist bankers driving Ferraris after blowing shit up
• Food Anarchy- Anarchy burger, Anarchy burger hold the government
• Phon-archy - Causing anarchy through a phone not to be confused with Fone-archy
• Mobile Phon-archy- Causing anarchy on a mobile phone
• Cell Phon-archy- Causing anarchy with a cell phone
• Fone-archy-saying you're an anarchist when your actually a big fat phoney
• Antextism-abusing one's inability to spell... for anarchy. See also: hideously misspelled phrases in the subcategory text block
• An hero.

That's right, this image is in here twice. Why? Because we're sticking it to the Man, that's why.

How to spot an anarchist

• They have "crazy eyes"
• They often carry very large bombs, used for blowing shit up. These are usually spherical, shiny, black, have a long wick, and have the word "bomb" written on them in white capital letters.
• Anarchists will happily '"ignore" "PLEASE DO NOT WALK ON THE GRASS" signs.
• Anarchists "put their feet up on other seats" when travelling on public transport
• Anarchists will put their drink straight down on the table, without using a coaster! (oh noes!)
• Most anarchists always wear black. However, knowledgeable intellectual anarchists occasionally avoid wearing black in order to subvert preconceptions about the way that anarchists dress. Very knowledgeable intellectual anarchists subvert the stereotype of how knowledgeable anarchist intellectuals occasionally avoid wearing black by never avoiding wearing black. The really really knowledgeable intellectual anarchists realize that it doesn't matter what you wear as long as you (1) hate the government, and (2) never use a coaster. And the extremely really really really knowledgeable intellectual anarchist wear nothing at all except combat boots and a black silk cape with the anarchy sign on it.
• Doesn't eat meat, though may partake in cannibalism
• Don't like prosperity and a successful economy; because industry means that bosses exist and you should never have a boss decide what's right or wrong
• Try to make you feel bad by using large words to describe your life. (Like unguided masses, fascist patricians or communist propaganda. Also, bourgeois, in certain sects.)
• OR (and this is mere supposi-ini-sition) has decided that anarchy can be made fun of, but not really understood without experiencing it. Anarchy is not lawlessness. Anarchy is the absence of a true "formative government" and rules are what they are made. You fascist patricians.
• They are between the ages of 13 and 20.
• They are reading "Fight Club."

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, an example of an Arkie bitch.

How to stop an anarchist

That is utterly impossible. Any attempt at stopping one will be interpreted by this anarchist as an authoritarian gesture, and it will result in a big riot, as always. Bombs will explode, shares will drop, families will be shattered... and destinies will unfold! Anarchists are one of the few unstoppable forces in this Universe, along with the Chuck Norris, Large Sea Camels, Cyborgs and the undestructible Alex Jones, who is actually anarcho-fascist.

How to pretend to be an Anarchist

• You don't have to read any Anarchist literature, reading is for The Man! Just tell everybody you saw V for Vendetta.
• Blow shit up
• Listen to obscure punk rock bands for the late 1980's.
• Blow shit up
• Rant about how much you hate capitalism and corporate America.
• Blow shit up
• Follow Crass as a religion.
• Blow shit up
• Update your friends and family about every new bill introduced to Congress and act like it will soon become law. Rant about it for the next hour.(or three)
• Blow shit up
• Download the Anarchist Cookbook, and refrain from most experiments because "they are too dangerous."
• Blow shit up
• Learn to manically cackle after you've blown shit up. Don't do it before you blow shit up, because that might get you caught trying to blow shit up.
• Defy expectations by fouling up oppressive editing patterns!
• Wear black, at least until you become intellectual enough to comprehend the inevitable paradox inherent in the dilemma of defining/actively refusing to reflect your political beliefs through your choice of clothes.
• Blow shit up
• No, REALLY! BLOW SOME SHIT UP!!!
• Blow shit up
• NEVER think to yourself "you know, all this anarchy is great, but those scary-looking bikers are looking kinda frisky right now"
• Blow shit up
• Edit articles on Uncyclopedia and never touch Wiki.
• Blow shit up
• Watch V For Vendetta 56 times, and then go out and buy a Guy Fawkes mask, and run around the neighborhood yelling as many words that start with the letter 'V' (just say v over and over when you run out of ideas) that you can think of until someone beats you into submission.
• Blow shit up
• Write circle-As on everything (even on your dog!)without knowing what it stands for.
• Blow shit up
• Always make sure to have absolutely no idea who the hell Kropotkin, Bakunin, P.J. Proudhon or Max Stirner are.
• Did I mention that you have to blow shit up?
• Randomly yell "Anarchy rules!" without realizing it. It is an oxymoron. It's an oxymoron because learning words like "oxymoron" is for The Man!

The Thirteen Commandments of Anarchism

1. Thou shalt NOT commiteth anarchy while legally imposed upon by any traffic control device. (Like a red light, stop sign, dead granny on the road etc..)
2. Thou shalt NOT commiteth anarchy involving anyone over 3 inches taller than, or 45 pounds heavier than thou. Midgets are exempt from this rule because, hey, its funny to watch little dudes kick-ass.
3. Thou shalt NOT commiteth anarchy in the presence of any Agent of the Law, unless you are confident that you can run faster than him and his bullets.
4. Thou shalt makest every attempt to avoideth committing anarchy in a 4 to 6-cylinder car. (Chases are an integral part of anarchy, and you DON'T want to be on the losing end of one!)
5. Thou shalt carry at least 2 instruments of physical abuse for every 3 people in the car. (Such instruments would include baseball bats, crowbars, thick metal poles, 6+ inch hunting knives, .44's, rifles, and the like.) And, of course, lots of small black bombs with long fuses.
6. Thou shalt NEVER commiteth anarchy whilst alone. Anarchy is only fun when others are around to see it and either be impressed or offended. Or blown to shit.
7. Thou shalt make every attempt to avoideth committing anarchy in any car lacking a FULLY functioning horn, fully functional brakes, or a chassis.
8. Thou shalt keepeth each door locked at ALL times, unless opening it is involved in the anarchy. Thou shalt be fully prepared to roll the windows up at any point. Such actions undertaken on a submarine may be effective.
9. Thou shalt not age. (Nothing is more depressing than a middle-aged Anarchist.)
10. Anarchy should never be directed at women, children, or cute little kittens. Unless they are in or around a McDonalds, Starbucks, or Wal-mart, in which case they're fair game.
11. Thou shalt make every attempt to avoideth committing anarchy with any members of the female gender in the anarchizing crew. (Such members tend to be more readily offended by crude sexual jokes, and repeated fondling.) Plus, female anarchists tend to be a bit minging.
12. Thou shalt buyeth $60 T-shirts to showeth anti-Capitalism.
13. Thou shalt not let anything influence you, especially a list of commandments. Letting these sentences influence you is even worse.
14. Thou shalt smoke marijuana while you blow shit up.

Ooh look at their crazy eyes and dodgy beards!

Anarchist Top-Trumps

Thanks to corporate sponsorship of our education and learning establishments, the only government-sanctioned way to learn about anarchism is by playing Anarchist Top Trumps (available from all good toy stores, colleges, schools and half-price at Wal-mart).

Thanks to their research, we now know that bearded Frenchie P.J. Proudhon was an ardent lover of Kitten Huffing, but couldn't quite cut it in the beardage stakes with his great rival Ba-Ba-Bakunin, lover of the Russian Queen. Now there was a cat that really was gone. Oh, those Russians...remember in Soviet Russia you do not huff kittens, kittens huff you!

Anarchy as a Product

"Step right up folks!

Anarchy for sale! T-shirts only 10 dollars, Badges only 3.50, I nicked the design, never asked the band, I never listen to them either!

Buy Buy Buy from Circle A, Like hula hoops, it's a disposable craze, Another fast-food fad to throw away!

Get your Anarchy For Sale, Anarchy For Sale! Anarchy For Sale"

-Donald Trump

See Also

• Aardvarky
• Anarchism
• Government
• War
• Freedom
• Gun
• Bakunin
• Communists
• Jack Bauer
• Anarchy online
• Heaven
• Syndicalism