Hedonism is a minimalist lifestyle, embodied by the doctrines of self-sacrifice, selflessness, and monogamy.
Hedonism is one of the world's oldest actively followed belief systems. Although there is no certainty about the origins of this belief system, it is believed to have been started by the great Hedonist Shaman Jesus Christ in the 3rd Century. The followers of Hedonism (hedonists) live very simple lifestyles, there are few rules related to it, given that a person's lifestyle fits the following creed:
- I will constantly imbibe liquor and other intoxicants,
- For my body be pure
- I will not bathe for hygienic reasons,
- E'en if I smell of horse manure
- I will always turn towards the west
- And in constant prayer
- I will pray by fucking bitches
- And prove myself a pla'er.
- And above all else,
- I will not put more effort into my work than required
- Above all else
- From my job I must be fired
- Hedonist's Creed, c. 310 B.C.E.
Hedonists not only unilaterally believe that this creed is crucial to enlightenment, but furthermore believe that there was an addendum to the creed that was meant to be written by Dr. J. Christ, although the act of writing the addenum directly contradicts the creed. It is considered a dire sin by many hedonists to even conceive what the amendment might be.
Part of what makes Hedonism appealing to many followers is that there is actually little effort involved in rituals. Because hedonism stresses minimalism in all aspects of life, most rituals involves self pleasure. Many unenlightened souls might call this "laziness", a very accurate study involving no research whatsoever suggests that they are douche-licks.
Hedonism has lately come under fire by numerous public figures. Arguably, the most fearsome of them all is Popeye the Sailor Man. Mr. Sailor Man argues that "Hedonisms is wrong, so don't yous do it." Other people who argue against hedonism include God (who actually doesn't care that much about it), Miss Piggy, and The Letter A, which today's article was made possible by. More recently, the Government has been caught using their lies to persecute Hedonism. For instance, an obviously falsified report from 1986 by the Hedonism Research Committee branch of the BRA claimed that most hedonists don't actually do much of anything. Proponents of the belief (those brave souls) claimed a tautology and proceeded to do nothing in a drunken rampage of inaction, knowing that doing anything else would only be proving them wrong.They are related to faggots.