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Baloo err uh Belau
Island Mandate of the Palau
That country with that fucked up name
Palau flag.png Coat of arms of palau.png
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "Don't you wish you girlfriend was hot like us?"
Anthem: "I Will Survive" (by Gloria Gaynor)
Map of Palau.png
CapitalPalau Beach
Largest cityPalau Park
Official language(s)English, Gibberish, Seaweed language, French for some reason, drunk seal
GovernmentNone, there is really no actual government. The mayor just calls his party after himself.
‑ SheriffJoe
‑ DeputyLarry
National Hero(es)That drunk seal, That cruise ship that was nice enough to stop by to see Palau, The one guy who was lost named Jeffery, Jeffery's girlfriend Samantha, the early Japanese settlers, Whoopsie
 of Independence
1994, after the U.S. got bored of having it.
CurrencyStones, typos
ReligionSeaweedism, typoism
Major exportsSeaweed, some guy's goggles found on the beach, rocks, sand, water, minnows, Pop Rocks, cocaine, typos
Major importsAnimals found on the beach, typos
Hours of
8:30 A.M. to 10:30 P.M. (on weekdays) 8:00 A.M. to 12:00 A.M. (on weekends)

“I live in Palau”

~ Nobody on Palau

“It sounds like my name”

~ Baloo on Palau

“Palau is dead”

~ Beatles fans on Palau


~ Everyone on Palau

“I is ur que n!”

~ Whoopsie on Palau

Palau, also known as Belau, is a country located in the Pacific Ocean somewhere where nobody gives a shit about. It used to be owned by the U.S., but in 1994, they realized how boring and dull it was, so they let them be independent. Palau is the sibling of the mentally challenged Marshall Islands and Micronesia.

History[edit | edit source]

In 1667, some bored Japanese were sailing on a boat when they found an island. It was the most dull and boring island of the bunch. They slept there for a few days before saying to themselves, "you know what, let's live here." Unfortunately, that was a stupid idea. Because they began to eat shit and it became pretty distubing and a few died.

Nobody cared about Palau for a while, until the U.S. got angry that there was an island hiding from them. As we all know, nobody hides from the all powerful U.S. of A. So they went and decided to rule them. They then realized that it seemed to be a very boring place.

Palau then was granted independence in 1994, of which the people celebrated for a long time until it was 2009; which they then said "Wait, now what?"

Geography and Politics[edit | edit source]

Palau is a small island the size of a centipide's dick, which we assume is very small. Its capital is Palau Beach, the only beach on the island. A cave near the beach is where Mayor Bob holds office. Bob was elected mayor in 1994, he has always run unnopposed (excluding 2001, when a dolphin named Stewart attempted to run against, but lost).

Palau is also famous for having one park. The park has a teeter totter and a swing set, and it's own merry go round! And it has a really big slide too! Palau Park is the main attraction in Palau. Another big thing to do there is yelling, the national sport of Palau. There are many yelling championships. Kitten huffing has not been that popular since Palau's 1996 Kitten Huffing Law.

Notable people[edit | edit source]

In 2003, a guy named Jeffery got shipwrecked with his girlfriend in Palau and they slept overnight.

In 2005, a cruise ship was nice enough to stop and ask for directions to Micronesia, and said hi to Mayor Bob.

In 2008, a famous incident happened where a seal got drunk and began banging it's head on rocks and made a new language called Drunk Seal, making him a national hero.

Emblems[edit | edit source]

Palau's national emblem is a yellow butt, possibly a reference to the early Japanese settlers. The blue background is either the Pacific Ocean or Mayor Bob's wading pool he keeps in his tool shed.

Languages[edit | edit source]

Palau's languages include English, Seaweed Language, Gibberish and other islandic languages. At least 50% of families make up their own languages. Palau does not speak Japanese anymore, possibly due to there being no Japanese there to speak it.