Hades

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You'll like it down there Persephone. Just you, me and my three headed dog.
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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Hades.

Hades (Pluto to the Romans as they thought of him as a bit of a dog) is both a Greek God and a place where people go when they die. Florida being closed for the season. It is a grim place unless you get a ticket to run and jump about in Disney Worl... err... the Elysian Fields. Suitably, it therefore ruled by an equally cruel tempered supreme being (Walt Disney) and his wife Persephone (unless she is shopping in the Olympus Mall six months non-stop).

Unlike Satan who is shown as an ugly demon, Hades by contrast is portrayed as a well built man, if a bit heavy and beardy for today's tastes. He doesn't go upstairs to tempt men into sin but is partial to wood nymphs if he can catch them when wearing an invisible helmet. Hades prefers to stay down stairs and doesn't like to socialize with the other Gods, especially his brothers Zeus and Poseidon, who pretty much ignore him, and hate him. He is convinced they gave him the shittiest three way partition of the gods when the brothers overthrew their father Saturn. So Hades would argue, he isn't gloomy by nature but living without natural light is not healthy for the moods.

This suits Hades as one of his entertainments is cranking up the punishments on those who had committed the worst offences. Since the Ancient Greeks were quite relaxed about sex, the hardest tasks are reserved for bankers, currency fixers, members of the Michael Bay fan club, Nickelback, One Driectioners, and Belibers.

Personal Life[edit]

He owns a puppy named cerberus with special dietary requirements of cheese, pizza and human flesh. He has a wife called Persephone who he invited from earth and they have a rather abusive relationship. Rumours said they are getting a divorce. Hades is going to keep the house while Persephone is going to keep the hellhound as quoted by 'reliable source' from the Daily Mail.

Underworld[edit]

Despite its bright and cheerful name, the Underworld is believed and presumed by many to be a single 5 by 5 meter room somewhere in Alaska. This creates a dilema at times, when scholars argue that with all that space, there will never be enough people to fit within it. Many think it is because the Underworld is assumed to have pink wallpaper as well as a pink fluffy pillow somewhere within the cavernous space of the Underworld.

The Underworld itself is believed to have only one entry, a tiny glass window which the deceased must squeeze through to gain access to the Underworld, only after being chased by and escaping Hades' pet and Underworld guardian - Fluffy. Despite previous assumptions about 'Cerberus', a three headed dog, religious believers were shocked by the 23rd Edition of the Holy book - 'Me, Myself and Hades' which contained knowledge about a much fiercer and powerful guardian - Hades' Pygmy Goat Fluffy. Cereberus has since been found to reside further in the depths of the Underworld; it acts as Saddam's protector, pet, and new boyfriend.

The Underworld Guardian. Its innocent look has already spelled Doom for countless people... Such as Paul Walker

Despite its weak and cute appearance, a deceptive guise, Fluffy is able to do +5 attacks a turn with a +20 strength bonus for a -2 mana loss. Fluffy is level 255 and the n00bz get pwnzered with his instant "ub3r pwnt" attack (666 damage per second). It knows the moves Hyper Beam, Seal of Hades, Bloodlet and Soul Suck. Faced with these odds around 90% of people never make it to the Underworld and are forced to camp outside the entrance using nothing but their clothes and human hair. Many scholars have argued, that fluffy might be too, as they say in the trade, "OP," but many people also argue that he is, simply put, 213374U!!!1!1!!

Did i forgot to say that he gains 21+ speed for every Ha-des-oh soul card on your side of the field?

The Underworld is ruled by Hades' proxy, EMPEROR OF ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING Richard Plantagenet (Richard III).

Hades, Illinois[edit]

Hades is also city located in St. Clair County, Illinois, USA, directly across the Mississippi River from St. Louis, Missouri. As of the 2000 census, the city had a total population of 31,542. One of the highlights of the city's waterfront is the Gateway Geyser, the world's tallest fountain, which spews water to a height of 600 feet and is designed to mirror the Gateway Arch across the river in St. Louis.