User talk:Orian57
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OhRian!![edit source]
Taggy's back. Now you have to come back too! So come back. --Dame 
20:43, May 24, 2011 (UTC)
Hang on, I remember you[edit source]
How are you, man? --UU - natter 
19:25, Aug 30
- ah not so bad mate, just dropped by really, thought i'd see what was knew. I believe a congratulations are in order! so, you know, congratulations! :D Orian57 Talk
08:09 31 August 2011
- Thanks - although that's kinda bittersweet right now, as there's been some family bad news recently. Swings and roundabouts. Trying to keep a smile going, and this place, so help me, seems to play a part in that. So, how are you doing anyway? --UU - natter
12:24, Aug 31
- To be perfectly honest I'm not sure, three years have passed since I left school and nothing has really changed in my life and I'm starting to think that might be a really bad thing. And there's been various family dramas and grinding annoyances for almost as long. and starting yesterday I've got a really sore tooth, my mouth seems to think there isn't enough space for one of my incicors and is trying to push it out; which is sort of agony at the minute. but on the plus side Uncyc is still here! Orian57 Talk 12:33 31 August 2011
- To be perfectly honest I'm not sure, three years have passed since I left school and nothing has really changed in my life and I'm starting to think that might be a really bad thing. And there's been various family dramas and grinding annoyances for almost as long. and starting yesterday I've got a really sore tooth, my mouth seems to think there isn't enough space for one of my incicors and is trying to push it out; which is sort of agony at the minute. but on the plus side Uncyc is still here! Orian57 Talk
- Thanks - although that's kinda bittersweet right now, as there's been some family bad news recently. Swings and roundabouts. Trying to keep a smile going, and this place, so help me, seems to play a part in that. So, how are you doing anyway? --UU - natter
Hang on, I...no,i've never met you before[edit source]
But hi. --
PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 31 August 2011, at 08:10
- Oh you missed out! Back in the old days I practically held the place together. writing magnificent features and pee reviewing the shit out of shit. Good to meet you, seen your name when I was reading through some of the Village Dump stuff. Orian57 Talk 08:13 31 August 2011
- I only have a half-feature on Inbox. I have an UnBook on pee reivew. Maybe you could review it? --
PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 31 August 2011, at 08:16
- I started reading this a couple of days ago actually, it was a top of the month wasn't it? I really like it so far. as for your UnBook, i'll defo have a look even if I don't get round to reviewing it. Orian57 Talk 08:20 31 August 2011
- I started reading this a couple of days ago actually, it was a top of the month wasn't it? I really like it so far. as for your UnBook, i'll defo have a look even if I don't get round to reviewing it. Orian57 Talk
- I only have a half-feature on Inbox. I have an UnBook on pee reivew. Maybe you could review it? --
Ensue a loud crash, a huge mess, and some hasty fleeing of the scene[edit source]
thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thum...
CRASH
Excellent! Your commitment to PEEING is nearly boundless, going beyond 75 in-depth pee reviews. You provide such vast quantities of piss that you need something special to contain it. So we gladly provide you with this beautiful bathroom bling - keep pissing!
...mp-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump
This hit-and-run brought to you by ~ 
19:59, 4 September 2011 , who hopes you'll continue to do such good reviews as you seem to do for another few years.
Hey, it's you![edit source]
Now all we need is Sonje to return and Uncyclopedia will be saved from its looming downfall! —Sir Socky
(talk) (stalk)
GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 00:09, 5 September 2011
- Don't mean to get all gay on you, but that may just be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Orian57 Talk 04:48 5 September 2011
Hey[edit source]
Good to see you're around again. Pup 11:30 16 Dec '11
I remember you.[edit source]
You were the father who abandoned me. --~~First Child Rei Ayanami (give orders) 23:20, January 12, 2012 (UTC) (Also I don't know if you knew that I changed my name, but I used to be called LongLiverh3.)
- Who? Pup 12:35 13 Jan '12
- I didn't just abandon you... um, Son. I abandoned myself. I drank too much and put on weight and beat your mother half to death. It's been a tough x years for me too! how's it going though, I trust you've won all sorts of awards and conquered the internets? Also hi Puppy! Orian57 Talk 04:18 13 January 2012
- Hi yourself. Good to hear about the death of your missus - she was a chain around you neck. Pup 05:05 13 Jan '12
- Glad to see that the tone hasn't risen around here! I almost made it back to being a full time user last year. Here's hoping 2012 will be full of inspiration. you still active here properly or are you just visiting too? Orian57 Talk 05:15 13 January 2012
- I'm back, but struggling for inspiration myself. I'm getting stuff written finally but none of it has been exceptional. I've just gone back and decided to do a few reviews - it's not fair that you have more than me - and I'm working on UN:IC and a few other bits and bobs. Can you believe that UU has as many features as I do? This is a tragic situation and must be remedied! Pup 06:22 13 Jan '12
- Glad to see that the tone hasn't risen around here! I almost made it back to being a full time user last year. Here's hoping 2012 will be full of inspiration. you still active here properly or are you just visiting too? Orian57 Talk
- Hi yourself. Good to hear about the death of your missus - she was a chain around you neck. Pup 05:05 13 Jan '12
- I didn't just abandon you... um, Son. I abandoned myself. I drank too much and put on weight and beat your mother half to death. It's been a tough x years for me too! how's it going though, I trust you've won all sorts of awards and conquered the internets? Also hi Puppy! Orian57 Talk
UnSignpost - 19 January 2012[edit source]
Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.
January 19th, 2012 • Issue 154 • Remember to proofread! The red penis your friend!
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We're all going to die!
 Death is coming. What's that noise? Death. Who's that at the door? It's death. Death will come for you, just as it is coming for Uncyclopedia, freedom and the American way. This week sees the UnSignpost tackling two issues, the first of which is SOAP. January 18th this year was in fact something more than simply another day where I contemplated suicide as I trudged to the bus stop in the cold. This year it was the big exciting SOAP protest day. Uncyclopedia won't stand for SOAP, nor will it take it lying down. Wikipedia spent a tremendous amount of time coming up with the idea of blacking out all their articles to protest against SOAPn and while the UnSignpost, as you are well aware, often shies away from making political statements on issues such as this but in this case feels compelled to condemn Wikipedia for racism. We submit to you that blacking out ones articles on a day of protest implies that black is a worse colour than white, which as we all know is racist. Denizens of the internet, rise up - let Uncyclopedia protest by whiting out all of its articles because the only way to protest racism is to be racist but in the opposite direction. This SOAP stuff may seem dangerous, but a quick scrub and it's like you never used it; plus you smell nice. What a massive fuss over some SOAP. Next thing you'll be telling us that some sort of internet censorship programme is passing through the US congress, what an outrage that would be!  Uncyclopedia, unfortunately, ignored us completely for that special day. Our suggestion of the slogan "Don't drop the SOPA!" was met with universal disdain; we even swapped a couple of the letters around to make it more passive aggressive. Racism abounded in the SOAP forum, with users suggesting black-outs, black-ins and white-ups. That is, until Matt lobster suggested that we simply make fun of Wikipedia like we normally do, then there was voting and then there were pop tarts. In other news, Uncyclopedia has no users and we are all going to die unloved and unmourned thousands of miles from home. Unless the latest figures are to be believed! Mattsnow has produced compelling evidence that Uncyclopedia is not in fact doomed. Speaking on Tuesday, Mattsnow said: "You can prove anything with statistics, which is why I've compiled this list of statistics to prove the other statistics wrong!". Obviously we attempted to get in touch with Dr. Skullthumper, who usually reminds us all why we're doomed and usually has a plan involving deleting most of our articles to save us from the fiery unpopular-on-the-internet circle of Hell. Unfortunately the good doctor was out, but there was a note reminding us all that Uncyclopedia is doomed and that we shouldn't believe a word of what Mattsnow says. We leave you to reflect on these issues, with Socky's analysis of the situation: "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!" Uncyclopedia turns the light switch off to protest Wikipedia's blackout.
All through the wonders of css and js, Uncyclopedia did manage something after all in a last minute attempt to mimic Wikipedia. And, just like on Wikipedia, by doing something as simple as disabling Javascript, users quickly found they could turn the light back on. Or they could have added " In conclusion, OMG, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!! |
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~ 
I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 15:07, 19 January 2012
UnSignpost - 26 January 2012[edit source]
Now with 20% more ninjas!
January 26th, 2012 • Issue 155 • CAKE!
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Phoning it in!
 That is exactly what I'm doing, I'm actually writing the UnSignpost from a phone, my phone, I'm not a thief or anything. As such it is a thoroughly miserable experience mitigated only by the feeling that nobody will be disappointed when, tomorrow morning, the UnSignpost arrives in the manner you have all come to expect. So what's happening on Uncyclopedia? I don't know, I'm still waiting for all the tabs I opened to load! It's Wikia's fault, I mean what the shit is this? I remember when I could use the internet on my phone from a car on a dark hill somewhere in the East Midlands and it wouldn't mean the complete lack of any functionality in the device. We won't see the like of last week again soon! I tell a lie when I say I couldn't start Uncyclopedia, I made it to the main page. Naturally I sobbed for ten minutes because I don't have any messages, much like I do in real life before realising that I wasn't logged in. Then I sobbed for another ten minutes when I realised that didn't make the slightest difference to the number of messages I had. So we have a feature, it looks excellent and I'm sure it is excellent voted on as it was by a Zombie, a dog and a man from Belgium! The forums actually loaded quite quickly on this brick with internet access that the people at HTC had the gall to refer to as "Quietly Brilliant". IMAGINE MY SURPRISE AT THE FIRST TOPIC: Forum:Fix the mobile site. I for one can attest to the truth behind this request; the mobile site is about as easy to navigate as a rave in a hedge maze, and slightly harder to find your way out of. Have a splendid week, I'm off now. As soon as I find the save button.
Found it.
Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 08:28, 26 January 2012
UnSignpost - 3 February 2012[edit source]
The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!
February 3th, 2012 • Issue 156 • There might be wild hungry cows on the loose!
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On Felonies And Awards
Hello. I was sitting in the study this evening, sipping imported white jasmine tea while reading Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus, Rachmaninoff's Symphony No. 2 in E Minor proudly flowing into the room by way of a full orchestra I had composed of Hungarian slave children I'd purchased on the black market, when it suddenly hit me. I realized that there should be a way to communicate to the Uncyclopedian community (as well as our friends down at the Springfield Elk's Lodge, who hold a free shrimp buffet every second Wednesday) that the yearly awards for 2011 had been recently voted on, tallied, and awarded to their respective award-winners. Then it hit me, again! "Reginald," I said to myself aloud, severely confusing the few English-speaking members of my illegal young orchestra, "Why not personally drive across the world in an old Ford Torino, spreading the excellent news to everyone?" This idea was bound to work. In short, it didn't work. I'd explain the whole sordid tale, but I need to leave room in this thing for the actual news itself, so without further adieu (I do, too), here are your 2011 "...Of The Year" winners.
Congratulations to all winners, formerly prospective winners, nominees who didn't have a shot in hell at becoming winners, and Virgil Gordon of the Springfield Elk's Lodge, who last week correctly guessed the exact number of jelly beans inside of the mason jar that was set out in front of the lodge. Unfortunately, no prize was associated with guessing that there were 592 beans in the jar, as it was not intended as a contest, but as a mere decoration. In the future, the lodge will explicitly state the purpose of all jelly bean-filled mason jars by way of a small cardboard sign propped up against the jar. The Top 10 Articles of 2011 voting is also finished, but all of them haven't been re-featured and listed yet, so we're not going to mention that we know the winners until next week. Thank you for your support
 Good morning, Uncyclopedians (or evening, or possibly afternoon, depending on where you happen to be when you happen to read this). It is with high honour and big words that I announce that I have the utmost appreciation for your fine community here; for all of the squabbles on discussion pages and intractable behavioural issues demonstrated therein, you all have yet again exceeded even the highest expectations. Yes, you had the courage and decency to support me in my quest for wiki-domination, elevating my to the position of sysop, an endeavour for which I am tremendously grateful. As much as it would please me to richly reward you all for this show of faith, however, I must regretfully inform you that as a sockpuppet and general test account of User:Lyrithya, I am not actually authorised to act in any capacity exceeding the plausible scope of productivity and the odd prank or two. My sincerest apologies. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:10, 3 February 2012
UnSignpost - 10 February 2012[edit source]
The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.
February 10th, 2012 • Issue 157 • Ack! Ack! Ack!
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Something happened this week.
 In the coming days, the aftershock of these events will come to a screaming peak, as countless forum topics are created, talk-page flamewars are started, and before you know it we're experiencing a virtual Titus Andronicus effect being enacted upon our peaceful wiki. When asked for comment, Modusoperandi will say something unrelated, yet witty, and we'll all step back for a moment and realize what's happening to us. We will then continue on in our back-and-forth for an indeterminate amount of time, probably zombifying the topic several times over before it finally fizzes out later on down the line, then being re-awoken and used to adopt new site policy. This, in turn, will spawn a similarly detailed UnSignpost story, if we're still around by then. Personally I blame this all on the one who was holding the watermelon at the time. You know who you are. You disgust me. Shit Happens Shit Happens all the time. Lets say ... you're drinking some kind of soda and it accidentally spills onto your shirt. Or you are biting on a burger when you accidentally choke to death but nobody cares. Or your penis falls off. Anyway, my point is, there are some negatives in life but you must learn to tolerate them .. especially when you're a fat ass who sits in your room spending your entire life consuming hotdogs and giggling at comedies on television while jacking off to classical fucks and trolling on the Internet which is absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME. So always be positive, even when your balls drop off. Or your penis. Or even your cat. Because as you know, the World isn't fair ever since some dick with an ass of a triangle set foot on this Earth. So get used to life, and if you can, get used to the dicks who banned your ass and spammed your page which is also, absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME. Oh, and always remember to stay on the bright side even if you are found lying naked with an underwear eight times the size of your penis and you get arrested, get thrown in jail, get beaten up by a kid who apparently isn't a kid and get castrated unintentionally while having a sandwich crammed down your throat trying to squat in a cell and you finally get out after 5 years only to get run down by an ass in a car and you get admitted to hospital but a doctor feeds you the wrong medicine and you rot away and die and you get dumped into the sewers. So remember kids ... always be posi-  |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 10:24, 10 February 2012
UnSignpost - 18 February 2012[edit source]
The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!
February 18th, 2012 • Issue 158 • This is the place to be for the end of the world show.
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Important competition news As you all are no doubt aware due to paying the utmost attention to that which goes on around you, there was a competition this week, or possibly last week, or at very least, at some point relatively recently. This competition was the 2012 Happy Monkey Competition, in which various contestants competed to do something possibly monkey-related. According to the sitenotice, it is wrapping up around now, waiting only for the judges to show up and do their damn jobs, or, as the case may be, leave already so the janitor can clean up; it's not the competition hosts' fault you're homeless, and it's not their job to provide you with shelter past the allotted judging hours. What the rest of you may be less aware of, however, is certain controversy that has inevitably sprung up about this contest. Allegations of unfairness in proctoring and judging and a general lack of effective organisation and topics have no doubt sprung up, as they invariably do with every competition. Complications have also indubitably arisen from the tendencies of certain individuals to simply do things without asking, and of others to ask first and then ignore the responses. Rest assured, for the cabal is watching, and all who disturb the order of things will be dealt with accordingly.  MOAR PENIS
Penisman has been sorely under-utilized as of late. In fact, he's been sorely under-utilized as of recent, and sorely under-utilized as of the past while as well. I just have one thing to say about this... Prepare for World Domination
After a pro-longed session of drinking high-quality whiskey and smoking imported Cuban cigars, the fate of the world was finally decided between the Oli brothers. The western world, under the dominion of the English Empire and her colonies, would come under the complete control of King Olipro, while the eastern world consisting of the USSR and the powerful nation of Monaco would come under the control of Head Commissioner Oliphaunte. The two leaders would then combine their powerful empires into one global superpower and conquer all the little nations with their armies of pirate robots and Flying undead pilots. After which, a spaceship made completely out of cotton balls and masking tape would be launched to conquer Mars, Saturn, Venus, Uranus, and Neptune. Not Pluto, though, because that's no longer a planet. Instead, the two Olies will construct a replica Star Wars deathstar, which will be painted completely blue to avoid copyright infringement with Lucasarts (George Lucas now owns nuclear devices and becomes unstable when his trademarks are re-created without permission), and will use it to blow up Pluto for the hell of it. The planets will then be under the jurisdiction of the top friends of the two Olies. Saturn will go to Zombiebaron, Mars will go to Lyrithya, Neptune will go to Black flamingo11, Venus will go to Dr. Skullthumper and Uranus will go to Mattsnow simply because he wouldn't stop laughing when we told him Uranus was conquered. Now that the plan and been decided and the gears are in motion, it's only a matter of time before the entire world is conquered by Uncyclopedia, and everyone will be forced to contribute at least one article everyday about how great their overlords, Oliphaunte, Olipro, and friends, truly are! Mwhahahahahahha. Ha? It was then that Oliphaunte woke up in a back alley somewhere in Atlantic City with a dozen empty bottles of whiskey, a bag a hemp, and a calling card for male prostitutes. There was also a note next to him that read, "You got drunk and threw up on my living room rug, so I flew you to Atlantic city, beat you up, and left you with a bunch of male hookers. Also, stole you Hageen-Daaz from the freezer. -Love, Olipro." Oliphaunte then realized that the plan for world domination was just a dream...Oh well, at least he has rollbacks now. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:56, 18 February 2012
Your name[edit source]
I was handwriting something today, and I noticed that when writing Orian there is a similarity in shape as when writing Onan. There's no point in this, just thought you'd like to know. Pup 12:52 22 Feb '12
UnSignpost - 23 February 2012[edit source]
Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.
February 23rd, 2012 • Issue 159 • FUS RO Journalism!
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Softly softly, happy Monkey
Now we here at the UnSignpost would be the first to admit that our coverage of the Happy Monkey Competition has amounted to less than the laser show of words that you were probably expecting. It is a sincere regret of the UnSignpost that it has been unable to provide any sort of meaningful coverage of a competition which describes itself as 'pure awesomeness' on its signup page. The competition successfully concluded this week and Aleister in Chains was declared the overall winner. We were privileged not to catch up with Aleister regarding this, and you shouldn't consider it either. In second and third were ICameHereInACloche and Xamralco, who lost slightly less than everyone else. For those who don't know how the scores for the Happy Monkey competition are calculated, it is by a simple process of getting the judges to rate an article out of ten in a table, much like this one, adding all their scores up, then throwing them in the bin and letting Shabidoo decide who the winner should be. The UnSignpost is very impressed with Shabidoo's ingenuity in overruling the opinions of his peers and stomping on the faces of his enemies. Those who enjoyed the Happy Monkey should take note of Shabidoo's next competition which he calls "Forced labour in a Salt Mine, while I eat grapes and sit on a deck chair". The competition has furnished Uncyclopedia with sixteen new articles. A splendid achievement; asked just how he had done this by Mattsnow, Shabidoo replied: "Raisins! Never underestimate the alure of raisins!". The UnSignpost fervently hopes that Dr. Skullthumper is still reading the UnSignpost so that he can take this knowledge and use it to save us from ourselves, a task he accomplishes at present by lurking on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel and successfully saying the word 'penis' more than anyone else.  For the fans of long unbroken blocks of text among you, this week saw the arrival of this forum in which Thekillerfroggy sets out his agenda to sell Uncyclopedia to "the man" piece by piece. He also thinks that we should bring back cash prizes, introduce a daily editing charge and require that an article can only be featured on the front page if it also attempts to sell the reader discount Viagra. Finally an administrator who isn't afraid to say what we're all thinking: "When am I ever going to get some sort of financial return for editing this humour wiki?". The last word this week goes to Modusoperandi who asks: "Is there code to keep the ads and hide the pages?". The Forum
 TheHappySpaceman just can't wait for April Fools day. He's so desperately excited that he has started a forum in which we can all plot and scheme about just how we will take in the entire world this April 1st. ICameHereInACloche wasted no time in suggesting that we make Uncyclopedia good for April fools day and was, quite rightly, kicked down a flight of steps by Olipro, who pointed out that it's April fools day and not Christmas. The discussion is needless anyway since I have already decided that we should do absolutely nothing for April Fools day. Except, and here's the catch and the really clever bit, we make it look like we have. We'll all sit on IRC going "Lol" at all the plebs who arrive on the website going "OMG WHAT'S CHANGED???". Shabidoo wants to know what your name is! It's not creepy at all! There's a lot of discussion going on regarding huffing! No need to read any of it, just remember that you should FIX IT, DON'T {{FIX}} IT. Administrators take note, or PuppyOnTheRadio will come to your talk page and make you feel very bad indeed. The bad news is that BHOP still exists and TheHappySpaceman is using it to plug his very own award. He could least haven chosen something that Aleister might not win every month. In conclusion: don't go to BHOP. It's not nice there. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:47, 23 February 2012
UnSignpost - 1 March 2012[edit source]
The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...
March 1, 2012 • Issue 160 • You are all about to die.
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Nothing.
So I got up this morning, ate some breakfast and watched some television, ya know, just normal morning stuff. Then I decided it was time for me to check Uncyclopedia, as I do every day. So I walk over to my computer, turn on the screen and bring up Safari. I go to Uncyclopedia, log in and what do I see? Oh, I'll tell you what I saw. This thing that I saw was so terrible, I almost died. What I saw was... NOTHING. C'mon, guys, can't you do anything? Start a competition, a new exciting forum, even drama! Anything! I mean, I can't be expected to entertain myself, can I? And to any of you smart-asses out there who tell me that nothing is something in and of itself, shut up and go fall in a hole full of pointy objects; you know what that would be helping by telling me that? Take a guess. News? For those with eyes in their brains and mugs in their ale, it should be clear that all manner of very important things have been occurring in the news. Or is this the news? Well, you get the idea. Apparently Uncyclopedians, Shabidoo in particular, think there is something wrong with the site. While this is indoubti-bi-tubby the case, a more pressing concern we must bring up is this: has there ever been anything right with the site? Today the scare involves NotM, a highly prestigious award won by all the people who aren't here right now, and how it creates problems in regards to new editor retention, despite the minor issue that we would have to have new editors in the first place in order to retain any of them. Another scare involves the complete lack of sufficient delete votes on VFD, along with the fact that Sycamore wants to decrease the maximum number of active votes there to 14 when 15 would in fact be a much more round number, and to decrease the score required to delete things from 5 to 4, when 5 is also a much more round number. We suspect Sycamore just has something against round numbers, probably due to some childhood trauma or something, unless it turns out that these are the wrong notes and it was someone else who wanted to do all that. Everything's so blurry.  In other news, Wikia broke the site again, our illustrious admins keep forgetting to update the feature queue, VFP is lacking an appropriate number of votes, containing only the nominations of three images by Zombiebaron, who demands that more people vote for them because pi is awesome, and Uncyclopedia needs more sharons. And I really need to lie down. Profit! Profit! A word that has dogged Uncyclopedia, most especially those pages doomed to huffing, for years. A concept that we, as a community, have overlooked in our time, and need to bring the focus back to.  A user has recently pointed out that as a community, we are forgetting this one fundamental principle. Our growth - nay, our very survival - depends on this principle. We need to become part of the corporate machine to further our plans of world domination. To do this, we may need to advertise, and to pay for quality submissions. Now many of you may be afraid of this. Change can be frightening, and after all, our last venture into the world of capitalism has left us falling short of the desired funds to The point is, ladies and gentleman, that profit, for lack of a better word, is good. Profit is right, profit works. Profit clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Profit, in all of its forms; profit for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And profit, you mark my words, will not only save Uncyclopedia, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. Thank you very much. Editor's note: This is most certainly not a veiled attempt by the resident money launderers to give them something to launder. The people want this. They already have a number of ideas relating to the promotion and growth of the site, and want your feedback so they can have feedback! Yes! |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:24, 1 March 2012
UnSignpost - 8 March 2012[edit source]
The periodical without any junk in its trunk!
March 8th, 2012 • Issue 161 • The most recycled periodical on the internet!
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Vote for Change
 There have been rumblings on the wiki this week, and not just because someone in the UnSignpost office insists it is their human right to have three kebabs for breakfast. These are the rumblings of discontent, and they stem from the behaviour of several users on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel. Frosty was decent enough to create a forum in the Ministry of Love explaining his discontent with pretty much everything IRC. Those of you who are fans of long blocks of text with lots of unnecessary swearing will not be disappointed as Frosty delivers Uncyclopedia's first blockbuster of 2012. The crux of the issue is that the Uncyclopedia IRC channel is not unlike my back garden, dangerous to enter alone for fear that Olipro will burst from the undergrowth and verbally assault you before hiding in the shed. There appear to be several views on this issue, besides the obvious; the UnSignpost sat down with Socky to discuss how we could fabricate a quote from him this week and he didn't say "I propose that all who argue should be put to death". Determined not to be outdone when it comes to simmering discontent with our benighted wiki, Lyrithya weighed into the forum to say that she too was disgusted with the present situation and something should be done. It's both worrying and strangely comforting that you can always rely on her for this particular viewpoint. The rebuttal to all these dissenting views has been varied, mostly involving admitting that yes Olipro and Dr. Skullthumper are an acquired taste and that everyone should generally go back to the important task of Speaking of maintaining the wiki, it is with great pride and the greatest pleasure that we bring to you more reforms from the keyboard of Dr. Skullthumper, Uncyclopedia's lead innovator and blue sky thinker. He proposes that in order to make new users feel welcome we should abolish Noob of the Month. Don't look at us like that; it makes complete sense to me: new users plus no awards equals a better Uncyclopedia. That isn't strictly true, as PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that instead of having a system by which we award one user the award per month we stack the new users up and treat them as though they were articles on VFH. This will at least kill two noobs with one stone, as nothing proves quite so heartbreaking as having your first article stomped on and then thrown into the bin because it "Lacks cultural significance". You could then change to the VFN page and watch yourself be stomped on and then thrown into the bin because "His/her articles lack cultural significance". Users interested in this plan should report here and support Thrak Thrak the destroyer of Worlds: May his power endure eternally, praise be, praise be to use the name he uses in his welcome message. Oh and in case you had forgotten, Thekillerfroggy still wants to sell Uncyclopedia to the man, man. Our pessimistic thought for the week goes to Electrified mocha chinchilla, who urges you to look on the bright side by saying: "Uncyclopedia will die if we do not make a conscious effort to expand our presence on the internet, thereby reaching a wider audience and attracting more contributors". So to conclude:
Only you can prevent forest fires, is what we would be saying if it was time for forest fire week again. It's not. Instead it is almost time for another Conservation Week! Unfamiliar with Conservation Week? Want to learn more? Why not head on over to the page and do a spot of reading? Or don't; trust that our summary of the rules is gospel and just start writing. Basically you rewrite articles so that they are no longer suitable for one of Dr. Skullthumper's templates of doom. Having completed your rewrite you gain a point, and you want to have more points than everyone, especially HauntedUndies, who is the Team Rocket of Conservation Week. Honestly, it's true. You can enter the competition for the low low price of ten English pounds, which goes towards oiling the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia. Your article should also contain at least two pictures of a Monkey, regardless of the subject matter. Well? What are you waiting for? HAH! False start; the competition isn't running just yet, and updates could come from anywhere, at literally any time. Check out the forum and await further instructions. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:21, 8 March 2012
UnSignpost 5 April 2012[edit source]
Now a major monopoly run by Xamralco
April 5th, 2012 • Issue 162 • Xamralco edition
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Xamralco
Hello, fellow Uncyclopedians. It is I, Xamralco, here to tell you that I have temporarily taken over the UnSignpost. However, being as inexperienced as I am, I have no idea how to put an UnSignpost together. Thus, for today, the UnSignpost will be about me, the greatest Uncyclopedian ever! More Xamralco
Look, I know I'm awesome. My mom knows I'm awesome. Even my kindergarten, first grade, and ninth grade teacher, Mrs. Matthews, knows I'm awesome. It's just a fact, but I'm all about being fair, so lets see what the people say:
I guess "alright" is now a synonym for "Soooooooooo freakin' awesome." Who knew? Even More Xamralco
I am super, duper rad. I know no one says that anymore, but I'm bringing it back. It is Xamralco who brings back the rad fads. Xamralco will also bring back talking in the third person. Xamralco loves talking in the third person. I sometimes enjoy talking in the first person, but you find talking in the second person far more fulfilling. Still, Xamralco thinks talking in the third person is quite entertaining. Must fill up blank space
Crap, that wasn't enough
How does ChiefjusticeDS make it look so easy? Oh well. Xamralco out! |
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9001(bot)
20:41, Apr 5
So[edit source]
You're gay and British, huh? Just like 7 out of every 10 Englishmen. (Unlike here in America, where only 3 out of every 100 people are gay.) HA! User:Matthlock/sig2 17:44, August 30, 2012 (UTC)
- I'm confused. Are you trying to say that america is somehow better for it's lack of gays? ....Who does your hair? Orian57 Talk 12:47 4 November 2012
You exist? So do I! What are the chances of that? --UU - natter 06:44, Nov 5
- Wait, are we allowed to do that? Wasn't there that time collapse thing that happened last time? Hows it going man? Orian57 Talk 13:12 5 November 2012
- I have no time for anything. Anything. Apart from that, though, it's all good. You? --UU - natter 06:21, Nov 16
- (I need to check this site more often...) Eh, same old really. Don't write as much as I should and am still having no luck getting a job. Been kinda in a rut, really. Working on it though. Orian57 Talk 04:19 14 December 2012
- Ah, no job. That's the English workingman's blues. I think...... User:Matthlock/sig2 19:00, 19 July 2013 (UTC)
- (I need to check this site more often...) Eh, same old really. Don't write as much as I should and am still having no luck getting a job. Been kinda in a rut, really. Working on it though. Orian57 Talk
- I have no time for anything. Anything. Apart from that, though, it's all good. You? --UU - natter
Hey, I see you.[edit source]
I see you over there, talkin' to them Wikians. Stop that. ~ BB ~ (T) 
~ Fri, May 3 '13 1:43 (UTC)
- To be fair I missed the split. I was just checking in seeing if anyone I knew was still about. Who are you? :P Orian57 Talk 09:36 14 November 2013
- Nobody is here or there but us quadruped mammals. Nominally Humane! 10:44 14 Nov
- Me? I'm Bizzeebeever. Zombiebaron's still around. So is EMC. They just call him Hotadmin4u69 now, because he's hot and he's an admin, and he wants to commemorate the 1969 moon landing, which occurred on July 4th, of course. Also, Codeine and Dawg and ljlego and a few others were around, but I don't see them anywhere here now. Anybody here... see my old friend Abraham? Can you tell me where he's gone? ~ BB ~ (T)
~ Fri, Nov 15 '13 0:19 (UTC)
- Don't know about Abraham, sorry. Also, welcome back Orian57. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 00:39, 15 November 2013 (UTC)
- UU pops up every now and then, but mainly to remind us he isn't here, and Codeine and Skullthumper made cameo appearances recently. I cameo here rarely, but Al is active on both sites. But mainly the four legged mammals. Nominally Humane! 02:30 15 Nov
- Don't know about Abraham, sorry. Also, welcome back Orian57. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 00:39, 15 November 2013 (UTC)
- Me? I'm Bizzeebeever. Zombiebaron's still around. So is EMC. They just call him Hotadmin4u69 now, because he's hot and he's an admin, and he wants to commemorate the 1969 moon landing, which occurred on July 4th, of course. Also, Codeine and Dawg and ljlego and a few others were around, but I don't see them anywhere here now. Anybody here... see my old friend Abraham? Can you tell me where he's gone? ~ BB ~ (T)
- Nobody is here or there but us quadruped mammals. Nominally Humane! 10:44 14 Nov
Zombies[edit source]
That one what you did about Zombies was really great to read. You've got a gift with prose.--Nikau (talk) 16:49, 25 September 2014 (UTC)
Re-feature queue[edit source]
If you want, you can go to Uncyclopedia:Re-feature queue/Nominate and pick one featured article that you wrote to be re-featured. You can also pick three features written by someone else to re-feature. --
20:11, 17 November 2014 (UTC)
Happy Monkey Competition 2021[edit source]
Hey its HAPPY MONKEY TIME 2021 (Feb 21-28). Your favourite writing competition where we write articles on one another's suggested topics. Go ahead and sign up because the more users we have competiting the more ridonculously fun it is. If you don't wanna write you can sign up to judge! Sing up here. Remember it's not about writing a sure fire VFH article, but pushing the limits of your originality and creativity and spitting out an article on a topic you had never thought about writing before. Also...Shabidoo will love you forever and owe you like a zillion favours for it. He will literally do anything to please you if it means you participate. Happy Monkey Farts!!! ShabiDOO 15:52, 10 February 2021 (UTC)
I Seem To Be Missing A Hat[edit source]
Where is my Orian57? Well I can't believe that we've been separated for so many years. I told you this planet was screwy and freaky and that time warps like this happen. Now here we are in this other life, and we're needing to re-invent ourselves. I have been wanting to see you in you in your usual wise guy clothes, with the pinstripes and that cool gangster look but with the added feathers and flowers so it would seem more like ABBA, I guess. Nacky (talk) 12:27, 2 April 2021 (UTC)Nacky
It's beginning to look a lot like…[edit source]
Up for grabs is the coveted Clark Griswold Award for Holiday Cheer. Who will be crowned Holiday Victor?
Seasons Greetings!
It's that special time of year. A wonderful time for friends and family to rejoice in gaiety. Not you! You usually spend all of your hard-earned money on gifts for them, and now you just want to hibernate until your finances recuperate. Well, here at Uncyclopedia, entering our newest competition won't cost you a penny — Sign Up Today! (pretty please) – 
(ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 14:54, 13 December 2021