User talk:Orian57/Archive11

This little talk page looks like it's just had its cherry popped!

Oh yes it has! Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 04:08, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

Don't worry I'll tell all my friends you were good, love to see their faces when you cum three seconds after taking your clothes off. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 04:14 26 January 2009

You told me you weren't recording! Lying wench! Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 04:23, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

Yeah I also lied about the HIV, I actually don't have it. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 04:33 26 January 2009

Why does our love have to be based on lies?? Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 04:46, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

It's not me it's you. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 04:47 26 January 2009

I can't have a relationship like this! We're over! I expect your damn weight set out of my apartment by Tuesday! Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 05:01, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

Hey Now!

I simply must get a background color for my talk page.......When you get a spare moment, I think Damsel is ready for consumption. I figured the threat of being "killed off" was fitting way to end it. Thanks again!--    17:20, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

*ahem* I was the brilliant genius user who came up with that idea. You may bow down before me and kiss my feet if you so wish. - [07:44 29 January 2009] YYettie

Having a bit of a back problem, is it OK to kiss higher?--    13:25, 29 January 2009 (UTC)

Hello.

How nice it is to see you here. Fancy seeing you on your own talkpage! Also I here there is an official voate. And in other news Yettie is a well established whore with fishnets. We don't hang out like we used to. We used to have imaginative, creative and sometimes even edgy sex. What happened to that? We used to verbally rape each other. What happened? I became one of them, apparently or I left for like a month or two. I'm guessing that's the answer. Can't we at least get back to some informal sex? I'm not so sure if informal is the right word, there. - [07:44 29 January 2009] YYettie

No. You ran away and got a sex change. You lied to me, excetra. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:42 29 January 2009

It's actually etcetera, because it comes from the latin "et cetera" which means, literally, "and the rest". Please in future spell things correctly. That is all. :P - [16:30 29 January 2009] YYettie

Whateves babicakes. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:31 29 January 2009

Babicakes? BABICAKES. You're shagging SysRq now, so I'm no longer your babicakes. - [16:49 29 January 2009] YYettie

Yeah I know I wouldn't shag briskit I'f you payed me. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:01 29 January 2009

J-Shea needs you!

to vote for him for GOTY, SOTM and FFS.

Please do it. He's already threatened your life, who knows what he will do to me and others if you don't vote for him. --Docile hippopotamus 13:08, 29 January 2009 (UTC)

Delegation, it's what you need

Morning Orian, hope life is treating you well. Listen, can I ask something? Would you mind awfully finishing the latest signpost for me? Just write something about Mordillo's recent ascent to omnipotence in the main box there, and put something where the "pathetic joke" bit goes, then ask that nice MrN to fire up the paperbot. Make it funny if you want, that's kind of an optional extra ;-)

I am snowed under with work at the moment - I'm staying late at the office and working at home as well, so would really appreciate this. I'd make some kind of joke at this point but I'm too busy to think of one. Pippings! --UU - natter 09:14, Jan 30

You mean I'm wanted? Wow. I don't get this feeling very often. Let me savour it a second. And sure, if you trust me enough. Also by morning did you mean afternoon? Because I only just woke up. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:23 30 January 2009

Fantastic, good job - thanks so much Orian, remind me to give you a template of some description when I have a little more time. Now, off to other pressing matters! --UU - natter 08:50, Jan 31

Ahem! You see that? That bit above this bit? That there is a compliment. From me. You do get them. So ner! --UU - natter 19:36, Feb 2

Yeah but not sinceare ones. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:38 2 February 2009

Well no... But maybe sincere ones... --UU - natter 20:10, Feb 2

*Cough cough cough, groan* So I can't spell when I have face full of boogers we've learned something today it seems. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:12 2 February 2009

UnSignpost 22 + 7 (+1) January

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

January 22 + 7, 2009 • Issue 32 • Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

Zionists consolidate wiki power By The rather nervous junior horoscope writer accidentally promoted to editor in chief Yeah the st-story is, erm, about Mr Mor-Mordillo’s erm asce-ascent—rise to new power. He was, eh, pr-promoted to erm, Be-Beu- Bureaucrat? Which, erm, me-means he can- can now do- do th-things he cou-couldn’t d-d-do b-before; Kind-kind of like m-my pro-pro-promotion. Heh-heh, th-that was a j-jo-joke. S-some Un-Uncyclope-Uncyclopedians th-think this p-p-proves s-s-s-something abou-about so-some s-sort of J-Je-Jewish, erm, conspiracy. Or-or something, I-I’m n-not really sh-sh-sure why that was meant to be funny. Pro-pro-probably was-was-wasn’t. So-sorry. Th-the decision ca-came about b-b-because of th-the fuh-fuh-forum voting process in-in-initiated b-by Under—Under user wh-who was u-u-upset tha-that Bureaucrat C-C-Codeine had decided to leave. After s-some ti-time voting it-it was d-d-decided that Mordillo w-w-would become a Bureaucrat and that C-C-C-Codeine wasn’t leaving a-a-after all! Which was g-g-good. M-M-Mordillo di-didn’t ma-make a c-c-comment s-so I-I’ve b-been told t-to make one u-up. Erm, “Ha ha ha! N-Now you-you’re all un-under my thumb!” Or something, that that wasn’t really f-funny ei-either. Sorry, M-Mordillo, it-it’s not my W-words! Image:Do a jailbait.jpg Determined to be a Shemale By Mnbvcxz and Orian57 To the relief of Uncyclopedians everywhere, notorious image "Do a jailbait" has been scientifically proven not be a girl. Originally, many suspected that the disturbing and disturbingly attractive image was that of young girl: age estimates ranging from jail bait age down to "pedo-bear approves" age. However, due to much "research" on the internet regarding the appearance shemales who are just over the age of consent, it has been determined that said image was in fact a young shemale. Researchers said the hairy arms and the huge penis of the lady in question proved without reasonable doubt that the image can not be that of a girl. Many in the Uncyclopedia community were relived by the news. Orian57 in particular who stated the child was “quite sexy.”, on the image talk page, was relieved to find he could no longer be considered bisexual. Some worry about the continuing freedom of Sockpuppet of an unregistered user after his comment: “I don't care. Me wanna rape!”

Check out these pages! Think of the Grues, won't someone please think of the Grues? Looks like the cool and sexy admins IP is back under another different name then Virtually nothing From our logs: 19:48, 22 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Jeus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (And the Lord said, "Let there be bannination," and there was bannination, and one more asshat was kept off of the wiki, and the Lord looked and he saw that it was good.) 03:30, 19 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.27.241.181 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking talk pages is annoying. Your inability to take a joke is even more annoying. The fact that you haven't yet been banned for either is the most annoying of all. I can fix one of those.) 02:47, 19 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked CANIHASTHISPLEEZ (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Looks like somebody needs to get a life. This nice little ban will keep Uncyclopedia from getting in the way of that.) Biopic of the Week To some, a meaningless jumble of letters, Mnbvcxz is much, much more than that. In fact, he's much, much more than you could possibly imagine. In fact, he's so much more that trying to explain it in a small box in a wiki newspaper is futile, particularly if you spend so much time explaining that you can't explain his awesomeness that you leave yourself little space to try. Still, he reviews, categorises, helps out and does stuff. But that's only the tip of the iceberg that is Mnbvcxz! Reason why the UnSignpost is a week late of the fortnight The editor was busy, and totally lacked inspiration. Want to make sure the paper is on time next week? Give us a story in the press room! Cajek ban of the fortnight 05:21, 19 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a spanking ‎ (20 bans in August, 9 in September, 10 in October, Just 2 in December and 2 in January. Disgraceful.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 02:29, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

Voting

Hey congratz on your Top Ten dude! Really impressive. If you don't mind could you maybe vote my Cardboard Box in? I mean you don't HAVE to vote for it but if you like it I would really like to make sure it gets featured. Thanks! ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 00:00, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

Dude I was litterally just on your talk page to thank you for that vote, and I'll give it a read see what I think. I haven't been as active on VFH as I should have been. Or is this for the top 3 of january? either way I'll at least read it. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:03 2 February 2009

Oh I just meant for a feature, it has a score of ten but it is reaching the end of its nomination thing so I want a few more votes in. And no problem on voting! Again congratz! ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 00:12, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

Thanks alot dude! I like the changes as well thanks alot for everything. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 00:51, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

Oh my god you are fantastically funny! I'm so glad you whored that too me. Here let me link to cardboard box just so anyone else reading can get there easier. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:53 2 February 2009

Wow thanks alot dude! Glad you liked it! ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 01:02, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

I'm not sure just how to say this...

...but you mean so much that I could just smother you with a hug. Of course, it would have to be with your mothers permission. I could just eat you up. And thanks for your vote on Uncyclopedia:Potatochopper of the Year. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 00:08, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

MOOOOOOMMY! The lady on the internet is trying to eat me! Also It was no P.P.problem. (You see what I did there?) ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:11 2 February 2009

Help!

Hey dude, I have a new article I am working on and I am almost done. It is an Unbook about a guy with a sort of new found fetish for monkeys and a whole bunch of cheating and jealousy and cliche kind of drama between him and monkies he is sleeping with. The problem is, the beginning is just setting up the situation, and I am having a REALLY hard time making it funny. Mainly the first two chapters. I have thought about it for a long time and have given up. If you could maybe give it a read and tell me what you think of it overall, and if you have any ideas on what I could add in the first two chapters thatd be awesome. if not thats cool too. I REALLY like your neurotic page and will do a Pee Review unless you want UU to do it. I have some ideas anyways. Thats about it, thanks! Oh ya here is the link to the article if you decide to help. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 16:20, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

Sounds interesting. I'll have a look later, I've only just woke up and not feeling spectacular at the moment. Also please go ahead and give Neurotic a review, UU says he's busy all this week with work. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 18:06 2 February 2009

Will do! Be done soon. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 18:52, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

Thanks man. Do you want me to give you a full on pee review? If so just creat the review page. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:09 2 February 2009

Nah it isn't completely done yet and I am looking more for ideas to make this funnier. If you want you can just wait for it to be finished then review it, but now I am just looking for ideas on maybe directions it could go and ways to bring humor to the beginning. But storyline wise it still needs a few more chapters which I am finishing today. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 19:16, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

How may I help you...

...you may not realize it, but you need my help on something. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 19:33, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

You could recallobrate my body tempriture, my head is on fire but my hands are bassicallly numb. Also you could have a look at Neurotic and see if it's any good, Tag said he was reviewing it but I'd like your short opinion too. Or was this one of those questions where you've spotted something wron and are trying to make me geuss? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:40 2 February 2009

No im pretty sure she was talking to me. She wanted to help my Unbook. Thanks alot thats very generous of you. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 19:44, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

I've just realised you've got tit in your name. all this time I was saying tagst-it. Oh well ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:46 2 February 2009

Thats the way its meant to be said, tagst-it, but pervs look at it and see tit so ya... ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 19:47, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

Oh so I'm not a perve after all! I must inform the judge! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:49 2 February 2009

No, your still a perv...just a gay perv...I am sure if my name was Tagsdick you would be all over it ;) ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 19:51, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

Oh, Bravo bravo! golly was I pwned or what? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:54 2 February 2009

Ya, I suppose you were ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 19:57, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

No you really made me laugh there. Also where'd PP go? I want to know what she thought was wrong that she must correct. Maybe my lable was sticking out of my t-shirt. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:59 2 February 2009

Hmm not sure, also where is SysRq, he usually joins in on these conversations ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 20:07, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

He's probably raping his dog. His boy dog. How sick is that? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:10 2 February 2009

OH GROSS! A boy dog? I mean, I have had my run around the dog park but I have never tried BOY dogs. *shrudders* ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 20:14, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

Yah I know, and we're having having this conversation in front of a woman. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:17 2 February 2009

Well she isn't a dog is she? ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 20:23, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

How dare you suggest such a thing! PretiestPretty is the Prettiest Pretty lady in all of Pretty much anywhere! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:24 2 February 2009

OH I know that! Im just saying that she shouldnt be offended because we are raping girl dogs, not girl people....so ya ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 20:32, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

I'm not raping any dogs. you sicko! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:33 2 February 2009

Oh your not...ooooh...this is awkward then....yaaaaaa ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 20:59, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

RAAAWR

RAAAAAWR. Gavin would like to thank you once more for sympathizing with him enough to vote for his book to be among the top ten books of 2008. Unless, of course, you happen to be a transsexual, in which case you are a freak and should not email him. Much love, —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:49, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

That template

Under User has blessed you with cake for being friendly and/or useful. Eat it quickly before he changes his mind. Warning: cake prepared in an environment which also processes nuts, and contains lactose, gluten, ground glass and arsenic, which gives it a lovely tang.

There y'go buddy, one template. Thanks for the help - and hopefully for the impending help with this week's issue as well! --UU - natter 22:57, Feb 2

CAKE! Yep I will look into the 'of the year' stuff very soon. Thanks muchly. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 23:12 2 February 2009

Yea, just remember to clean your bits properly this time... 9001(bot)  23:07, Feb 2

Oh hi 9001... Want me to service your nuts and bolt? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 23:12 2 February 2009

Thank you, but I am completely operational, and all my circuits are functioning perfectly. 9001(bot)  23:16, Feb 2

Oh I like you, you can stay. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 23:18 2 February 2009

OK, here's the thing: everything's gone hopelessly to shit at work and I'm fighting fires like mad. And I'm out of town for a couple of days for my Dad's 60th afterwards. I'm gonna try and fill in all the regular stuff on the signpost tonight, if I can, leaving you to put the main article in the middle and roll it out - the issue in question is here. If I can't add the usual guff, can you find a couple of interesting forums to link to in the top right box, fling in a biopic (a list of all those already covered is here) and add any filler as you see fit? Sorry to dump this on you man, but I know you can cope! ;-) Oh fuck, something else is going wrong, gotta go! Ahhhhhh! --UU - natter 13:44, Feb 4

While you're having your latest flirtation with Yettie, did you notice this? Because I'm done with it now - it needs a biopic, the main content, plus maybe some filler in those other right side boxes depending on how long your in-depth look at the "...of the year" stuff is. I'd do more, but right now thousands of things are trying to happen to me at once and I just don't have the ... aaaahhhhhhh! --UU - natter 19:26, Feb 4

YAY I CAN HAZ FLIRTATION. In other news, how come I CAN'T HAZ BIOPIC? - [19:42 4 February 2009] YYettie

Ah of course, it's wednesday, I need to do it tonight. balls. Do you have links to who actually one all these awards? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:46 4 February 2009

Maybe. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:46 4 February 2009

Explanation

1. I am male (interestingly I am actually straight).
2. I left because of a complicated relationship, I'll leave it at that. Or at least that's why I think I left. That's over now, as of today.
3. I don't know why I did the gender-bender thing. Attention, I guess.

There, I've explained. - [22:21 3 February 2009] YYettie

YES! I KNEW IT! I CALLED IT!! —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:26, 3 February 2009 (UTC)

You win at life. - [22:29 3 February 2009] YYettie

Cmon, I get my little moment of celebration for totally calling this one. The penis gave it away. —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:32, 3 February 2009 (UTC)

Oh. Knock yourself out. Yes for YOU! - [22:38 3 February 2009] YYettie

For real? I won teh penis? WOOOO!!! —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:40, 3 February 2009 (UTC)

It was a good melodrama while it lasted, bravo.--    22:43, 3 February 2009 (UTC)

I'd like to thank the academy, and Yettie's penis. THANK YOU ALL FOR SUPPORTING ME! —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:49, 3 February 2009 (UTC)

That is the very highest honour in the land of Yettie. Treat it with the same respect you would treat any other especially squishy penis that you happen to come across. - [08:44 4 February 2009] YYettie

So, was I also right about your age, the quality of your computer desk, and your laundry situation? pillow talk 23:11, 3 February 2009 (UTC)

Yeah I'd kinda gone back too thinking you were a guy. Anyway dude, get skype! I know you said something about keeping "work and play" seperate but that is a pathetic excuse or aren't we friends? Also hey Hype! I aint seen you around here in a while. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:11 4 February 2009

Work and play is a pathetic excuse? I said that? Well, I've got a better excuse: 1) I should have told you before, but you smell, and I imagine it'll be worse on skype and 2) I want to remain anonymousish, a little bit. - [08:44 4 February 2009] YYettie

Meh, stupid not-even-a-bitch. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 15:25, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

Yes I smell but you're X amout of miles away and I won't have to see you, just hear. I could still pass you on the street and only stop to spit on you're poor-person head. I don't get what your big problem is. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:54 4 February 2009

You can't smell people on Skype? - [17:14 4 February 2009] YYettie

Nope. Just voices, it's like calling up your head. They tell me to touch myself... ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:18 4 February 2009

Oooh voices. Do they ask you to describe what you're wearing? - [18:03 4 February 2009] YYettie

Ocassionally. So come on get skype, I'd love to talk to you properly sometime... In the nude. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 18:08 4 February 2009

See. I rest my case. - [18:17 4 February 2009] YYettie

Whatever. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 18:22 4 February 2009

Sorry but I'm a hopeless excuse for a crappy excuse for a human being. Also, have you seen the film Fight Club? Cause Neurotic reminded me of it. Very much so. - [18:59 4 February 2009] YYettie

Oh and I'm majorly offended and majorly not talking to you, let alone Skyping with you and your newly refurbished anus. My glamorous return in a sparkling coach isn't mentioned on your archive 10 highlights! I iz woundedz. - [19:21 4 February 2009] YYettie

I find this descussion to be veeeerrry interesting... - ReddFighter Talk!| 19:23, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

REDD APPROVES THIS MESSAGE! - [19:34 4 February 2009] YYettie

Neurotic reminded you of Fight Club? I don't see how, I actually had ideas of paodying it in insomnia (but I didn't in the end) it never entered my head when I was writing neurotic, though. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:59 4 February 2009

Yes Fight Club. I don't know why, that's just what came into my head. Maybe it was the fuckathon mixed with neuroticness? - [21:02 4 February 2009] YYettie

Dear Yettie: Please get Skype. Thank you. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:02, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

Dear You: Do I know you? It's just I quite frequently get complete strangers walking up to me and asking me to do things... - [21:02 4 February 2009] YYettie

Do what he says or I'll blind you with this cup of cum that I happen to be carrying around with me. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:06 4 February 2009

Mmm...cum cup! - [21:12 4 February 2009] YYettie

Just get skype like the man says. It'd be great to have you there as well as inside me. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:14 4 February 2009

So he's a man now? Notice how I'm skillfully dodging your Skype-related requests. - [21:19 4 February 2009] YYettie

Sissy's always been a man, biologically. He just likes to wear womans clothes and get older men to abuse him. Look, this is the last time I'll ask, get skype, please. I consider you a good friend I jsut think we could be better friends if we had the option of not having everyone read what we say. Also I just downloaded the LazyTown CD and I want you to listen to it too! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:23 4 February 2009

I uh... I uh don't know what to say? A fr-fr-friend? I've never had a friend before. I uh. /me tears up If you want to be able to talk to me in a secretish place where we can share dirty secrets, maybe something where I don't have to use my impregnated voice? Such as MSN...or a similar computer contraption. - [21:35 4 February 2009] YYettie

Yeah that's good too, I don't mind MSN (e-mail me with your adress through the link at the side) though skype has just a chat room. Now I just want to know whats wrong with your voice: I'll understand if you're from liverpool but other than that I can't see what would be so bad. Also what the fuck are you playing at? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:41 4 February 2009

VFH. It's this thing where you vote on articles and ones that gets lots of vote get put on the front page for a day. Clever, huh? And...email...er...tomorrow. Yes. Will do. - [22:05 4 February 2009] YYettie

Why tomorrow? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:13 4 February 2009

Because I'm going to sleep, circa now. Mainly because I haven't got to sleep much before 4 for a good week or so and I have school tomorrow. - [22:15 4 February 2009] YYettie

Why are you linking to teenager? That sort of implies I'm not, when I am. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:17 4 February 2009

Cause I'm a teenager...and I'm lazy and shit and fit all the stereotypes. Except that I'm disgustingly posh to boot. Infact I'm just one massive merged stereotype. Also I bet I'm younger than you think, you pedo. See I don't even spell pedo proper! Take that, you old grandad! In the country where thou liveth the age of criminal responsibility is 8 and I'm not criminally responsible if I happened to be living in your country. Write an inequality describing my age. [4 Marks] - [22:24 4 February 2009] YYettie

if you were eight you wouldn't be a teenager. Also what's an inequality in this instance? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:32 4 February 2009

Is it seriously eight? My dog could be charged with raping my couch, then! —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:35, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

Aye, tis eight. By god, you don't know what an inequality is, Orian? You should be shot for your ignorance. Or something. And you're asking the exam paper what an inequality is? It's one of those dem dere things with a greater than sign or a less than sign and such. - [07:39 5 February 2009] YYettie

Could you explain that better please? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 07:43 5 February 2009

UnSignpost 5th February 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

February 5, 2009 • Issue 33 • It's Journalism Jim, but not as we know it.

The ‘of the Year’ run down of the year! By Orian57 So after a long neurotic month of blatant prostitution, secret e-mail canvassing, bribery and coercion in deciding who should win the various ‘of the Year’ awards (plus a completely normal five days of knowing who did) the results are in! UotY: Mordillo! Nominated (but not voted for) by UU with the reason “[he does] the big bad wolf stuff to keep fuckwits at bay.”. 21 Jew jokes later (“Jew that controls the internet”, “I feel I have to vote for him” and “I love this man. To the point that his girlfriend is seriously distraught by it”) Mordillo was the landslide victor a whole 12 votes ahead of the runner up, UU! And he deserved it too (though to be frank I deserved it more)! Our WotY was Modusoperandi! Narrowly beating Mhaille by 2 votes he was nominated by UU with the reasoning “…Tends to brighten my day whenever I see him, although that could be the light reflecting off his gleaming naked body.” Another 19 Canadian jokes ( “this silly Canadian”, “I never would have thought that casting a vote would be so painful as this” and “Modus is like maple syrup. On the outside he's all golden, sweet and sticky. On the inside however, he's all golden, sweet and sticky”) won him the award! (though to be frank I would have appreciated it more!) Next up was our winner of PotY, Prettiestpretty! She was nominated (but not voted for) by Mhaille because she is the “producer of some very impressive work” and has won the PotM twice! 18 girl jokes later (“such a foregone conclusion”, “She's earned this and then some” and “Unlike most people here, I'm actually going to give a reason for voting for PP. I'm even going to write two sentences explaining the reason.”) she deservedly won the award which she herself designed. (I don’t even know how to use MS paint but I’d still like to have been acknowledged). There was also an impromptu N00b of the Year award created that Rcmurphy ran off with. He was nominated by Spang with the reason “He really deserves it this time” and received 12 N00b jks (“How can you be a year old and still be a noob without being rcmurphy”, “He's still confused too” and “[Hyperbole is] regularly here and dangerously competent. Rc remains the quintessential n00b”). (*grumble* I started lurking in 2007…) Lastly and leastly there was the UGotY which was awarded to Wikia. Nominated by Mhaille with the reason “Wikia continue to raise the bar on defining what it means to be a Useless Gobshite”. He/she/it got 5 jokes that I don’t properly understand (“As much as I'd like to see Yettie take this, Wikia is both more useless and far more of a gobshite”, “it's rare to see such dedication to gobshitery” and “Outstanding contributions to fail.”). (Ok so I’m not bitter about loosing this.)

Check out these pages! Penis Pants Er, fox? From our logs: 1:33, 2 February 2009 Flyingfeline (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.169.166.86 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Oh, brilliant. Well, that's going to be fun for both of us. I wonder who'll get bored first?) 04:39, 31 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.138.52.153 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Hey there! Remember me? I was the admin that asked you to stop failing so hard back in October. Now I'm asking again, but with a ban length 12 times longer.) 18:16, 29 January 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Sej (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ ("And He saw the work, and He was sore displeased; and He did smite the n00b with all his wrath". Book of Codeine, ch. 6, vs 9) Biopic of the Week YesTimeToEdit Commonly known as Yettie, he won N00b of the Month back in April 08 after writing a featured UnNews. He went on a crusade to gave us all more things not to care about than we can handle. Following another feature he deservedly won UGotM. There has also been some recent confusion about his gender. Cajek ban of the week 04:48, 31 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 28 minutes ‎ (Apparently the UnSignpost has a 'Cajek ban of the week' section. This is my week!) Custom box #3 This box is empty. Imagine something nice here like a Caribbean holiday, getting sand in your shoes and arse crack while being blistered by sun you weren't made to handle and pretending to enjoy yourself.

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9001(bot)  03:14, Feb 5

*me in just a robe at the front door* Hello 9001... You look nice today. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 03:22 5 February 2009

Don't talk to the bots, you'll encourage them. Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 03:31, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

Yeah I know. I think it's important for any semi-sentient being to have a strong self-esteem. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 03:36 5 February 2009

Good day master Orian. I must commend you on your latest efforts with the newspaper the "UnSignpost". Getting praise out of that bastard can be as tricky as licking your own elbow when you don't even have elbows, (trust me, it's tricky) but I think you did a fine job with it. I am sure that Mr Under user will also be impressed when he notices what you have done... In addition, Mr Boomer sir, I invite you to place your head into the more dangerous regions of SAL9000's pet hippopotamus. 9001(bot)  03:41, Feb 5

See how they are? You give them a little leeway and suddenly they start giving you lip. Horrible creatures. Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 03:43, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

But if you'd been nice to them in the first place there would have been no robot war! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 03:54 5 February 2009

Those things are built to serve. If they can't handle doing their jobs, they belong in the scrap heap. Or, this this one's case, in wikilog hell. Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 04:00, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

I'm not sure guys, but I think the Animatrix is about to happen. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:01, Feb 5

Orian I love you. Unless UU wrote the biopic, in which case I love him instead. Tough luck. - [07:39 5 February 2009] YYettie

No I wrote that. Thanks for the love :) ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 07:43 5 February 2009

Love...love...love etc. - [07:44 5 February 2009] YYettie

I love you guys too! :D - ReddFighter Talk!| 04:56, 6 February 2009 (UTC)

Oh hey dude not seen you about recently. How ya been? Also whoring and this. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 05:32 6 February 2009

oh, Im doing good. not doing much but sitting around and playing with my xbox. – Preceding unsigned comment added by ReddFighter (talk • contribs)

You see I havent really been on in about a week and I've become a productive member of the community. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:23 6 February 2009

lol I loved your song! It should go on the front page! I forgot to sign, didnt I? I think I was to pre-ocupied. Anyway, you know what, I once kissed a girl, and then I threw up... Or was that her vomit??? - ReddFighter Talk!| 05:06, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

Wait... Are you, like, not into kissing girls? Or is vomit some kind of sick (yay, pun) fetish? Also If you really love the song don't forget to vote! And also this? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 07:23 7 February 2009

Whore. - [11:08 7 February 2009] YYettie

And that makes you what? The bottom bitch (not even I'm sure what that reference means but it was in The Shield so it must be real)? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:45 7 February 2009

I'm into kissing girls. But that was a weird party... now that I think of it, I was so drunk I cant remember who I kissed! All I know is They threw up. Aaah, great times. - ReddFighter Talk!| 18:53, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

Even my standards arent that low. And don't forget to vote! and also this. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 18:56 7 February 2009

Yes yes, I voted (hope I did it correctly). Now, I am going to go be a whore and play my xbox 360 on xbox live... - ReddFighter Talk!| 18:59, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

And also this. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:00 7 February 2009

Alright, I am done voting. NOW I am going to go and play my xbox... - ReddFighter Talk!| 19:06, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

Ok, you're free to go, sweet cheeks. ;) Tanks for teh voteses! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:10 7 February 2009

Your very welcome! - ReddFighter Talk!| 19:11, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

Just a reminder...

I still reallyreallyreallyreally wanna do that Lyle Crump collab with you. Up for some work today? I've still got our ideas on Google Docs and all. I was just looking them over and I still think we have a really funny article that just needs writing. Also, I like what I'm smelling from the kitchen. Cookin' up somethin' nice? —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:34, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Really? Why don't you make a start and I'll see if I can remember what the idea was. Also yes, I think it could prove quite good, now there's all this pressure I might have to finish it. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:47 8 February 2009

I'll get something down, but it'll have to wait until tomorrow as I have some Hamlet essay to finish. And yes, if your new article doesn't top Neurotic then we're not friends any more. Also, check my talk page; our son has an interesting idea that you may have some input on. —Sir SysRq (talk) 01:16, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

...input...such as cum? - [16:34 9 February 2009] YYettie

If by "cum" you mean "anus" then yes. —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:44, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

If by " "anus" " you mean " "cum" " then yes. - [19:45 9 February 2009] YYettie

If by "old lesser meme" you mean "anus" then yes. —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:53, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

How dare you accuse me of using an old lesser meme! - [19:55 9 February 2009] YYettie

How dare you think twice about getting your hot little paws on some of these SAVINGS!!! —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:20, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

Now with reductions! - [20:22 9 February 2009] YYettie

Mr. Winkler: An Uncyclopedia meme offering free iPods in return for 1) money, and 2) referring friends to-(end part of old meme in an attempt to remind everyone of one of my favorite memes that I started). —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:32, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

Original exclamation! - [20:37 9 February 2009] YYettie

Cabbage template. —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:04, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

How dare you cabbage me! - [21:18 9 February 2009] YYettie

FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKY FUCK FUCK AND YOUR SHITTY SHIT SHIT —Sir SysRq (talk) 18:48, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

...if you insist. - [18:50 11 February 2009] YYettie

We doin' this.

Come join us, won't you? We need your storytelling talents, buddy! I think this whole mass-collab thing is an awesome idea and I want you to be a part of it. —Sir SysRq (talk) 02:09, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

How's come you get to be in charge, huh SysRq? I want to have my moment of fame/power/control and/or pride. I had a good idea! - [17:10 11 February 2009] YYettie

You did. And I stole it for no money. This is how the world works: things happen as a result of my actions. —Sir SysRq (talk) 18:44, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

Okay I'll buy it back for 3 English Ducats. - [18:49 11 February 2009] YYettie

Okay. /me takes your ducats Now I have both. You see what I'm trying to teach you here? —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:11, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

Very well I will pay you 7 English Ducats for both my ducats and my aforementioned moment. - [19:14 11 February 2009] YYettie

Seeing as how all three of those things are quite intangible, I will just have to take all of them for myself. They are now mine because of something I did. (Which happened to be "take them".) —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:17, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 12th February 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

February 12, 2009 • Issue 34 • Mainlining news direct to your talk page artery

Worrying influx of n00bs a threat to Uncyc's "worst" status By UU How can you resist my n00b power of cuteness? After the flow of n00bs slowed to a trickle at the tail end of 2008, 2009 has seen the site experiencing a veritable tidal wave of new editors, enthusiastically bounding around the site like wide-eyed puppies that have yet to meet Olipro, tramping mud into the carpet, and leaving half-eaten IPs on the floor of the Village Dump. Worse still, many of these new arrivals show early signs of being dangerously competent: writing funny articles; giving in-depth pee reviews; voting on stuff; helping folks out - generally making the kind of contributions that could, if the community is not careful, lead to the site losing its coveted "worst" status. Experienced editors queued up to condemn the invasion - "Very happy to see the influx in good new editors coming in, we've been devoid of that extra boost for far too long it seems" said RAHB, the bile seething from his every pore, while MrN spoke scathingly about "great additions to Uncyc". But is it too late? With competition for the NOTM award at its most fierce for months (4 noms and none of them Rcmurphy at the last count), it looks like it may be too late to reject this transfusion of new blood. Is there any hope for the long-term future of the proud traditions of the wiki under this relentless onslaught of new talent? A comment on Bullshit from MrN As a well known protagonist of the noble and honourable art of bullshitting I felt it my place to speak out regarding this most tricky of issues. Much has been said of late regarding the consistency, and texture of what we at Uncyc consider to be suitable for our beloved wiki. As you know, normal traditional (un-specified) crap we don't want, but there must always be room for more bullshit on Uncyclopedia. Some will no doubt consider my last comment to be horse shit, which (as you may know) has a slightly thicker consistency. The dilemma we must then face is how do we categorise and specify the fine (if rather smelly) line between what is crap and what is bullshit. The study of bull-crap may also been of concern to some readers, but I feel it not my place to enter that arena. This article stinks enough as it is. However... When considering bullshit, I feel it important to point out our rigorously defined guidelines regarding the use of bollocks as I feel many of the important principles apply. If I may quote: “Sometimes articles arrive at Articles for deletion which have only the most tenuous connection to reality: they are, to use a British term, Complete Bollocks. This is not always a bad thing.” ~ Uncyclopedia:Complete Bollocks I think that speaks for itself. Got it? So basically, we want more bullshit, some horse shit, and a liberal helping of complete bollocks. But NO CRAP. Unless it's crap which adds to the general stench of the article in question (assuming that stinking is what we want). Got it now? Well, look at it this way... There was a man who had three wives. No, that was Moses. Oh, so Moses comes down from Mount Sinai and says: "Well, lads. I got him down to ten, but adultery is still in." No wait. Sorry, that was complete bollocks. I'm drifting into the realms of pointless excrement, and what does this have to do with anything? Don't tell them that! So what was it I was talking about again? Oh, yea... Does anyone know where I left my slippers?

Check out these pages! Apparently, we had a "golden era" Only the Lonely Oh, it's nothing to do with marriage. I'm disappointed Random suggestion If we weren't on the internets, I'd say this was getting geeky From our logs: 13:25, 9 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.71.123.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (1 day for blanking, 1 week for blanking a featured, 2 weeks for blanking a top 10 and the rest is a bonus!) 02:46, 8 February 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 97.83.236.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fer the love of Christ, you make me think I actually have a life. You've been doing the same God damn thing since the summer. Just fuck off already.) 16:41, 7 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a purrr ‎ (And that's for flirting with another admin. Shame on you.) Biopic of the Week DrStrange is one of these here stellar n00bs that we're wittering on about in that there main article. He's been here for a bit over 2 months, and in that time has won NotM and already been nommed for WotM. At this rate, he'll be WotY by about June. Good job he's funny and good at writing things really, otherwise we'd be obliged to hate his precocious guts. Gender confirmation of the Week YesTimeToEdit astonished the Uncyclopedia community by admitting to being male. Orian57 continued in whale raping Yettie. SysRq consequently "won teh penis", granting him this most prized life-time achievement award. In the ensuing chaos, Sockpuppet of an unregistered user cut off Yettie's penis and went on a raping spree with it. Mnbvcxz still believed that Yettie was a girl and the latter declared his love and desire to be raped towards the former. SoaUU AKA Sockie admitted having a vagina, or did (s)he?... Mnbvcxz refused to give his/her gender... Will Yettie get his penis back? Who is pretending to be male and who is pretending to be female? Tune in next week! Same penis-time. Same penis-channel. Cajek ban smackdown of the week 02:53, 10 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a voyage made in less than twelve parsecs ‎ (You want a ban-off, RAHB!? BRING IT!) 00:46, 7 February 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a Kessel run ‎ (I shall not allow TheLedBalloon to dethrone my weekly Cajek-banning title!)

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9001(bot)  20:46, Feb 11

hi

hi PieSoup CLICK HERE 00:10, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

oooh, I love Pie... - ReddFighter Talk!| 04:55, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

Hello Mr Soup. How are you? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 09:48 13 February 2009