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This user is on vacation, sabbatical, administrative leave, or is otherwise goofing off with the knowledge and/or consent of the Admins. Or, more likely, they've buggered off without saying boo to anyone. Their expected date of return is unlikely.. If you're lonely, or you miss them, leave a message.

Archives of Pain

Archive 1 - Of welcomes, votes and, well, more votes.
Archive 2 - Of votes, proofreading and reviews.
Archive 3 - Of votes, reviews and images, in the main.
Archive 4 - Of votes, reviews, images, embuggerances and judging.
Archive 5 - Of, ooh, all sorts of things!
Archive 6 - Of Cabals, Pussies, Pees, Feathers, Showers and stuff.
Archive 7 - Of Blah, no Friends, an adoption and sundry whatever.
Archive 8 - Of Summaries, numpties, smiths, spark pics and so forth.
Archive 9 - Of Death to England, indenting, UnBirthdays and whatnot.
Archive 10 - Of Bloody Admins, UU losing it, sitcoms,and more piffle.
Archive 11 - Of Bans, fish puns and final pre-marital blethering.
Archive 12 - Of Australia, ring fingers, huge asses and suchlike.
Archive 13 - Of face facts, afternoons, oldness and whatnot.
Archive 14 - Of apostrophes, festivities, pants and all that jazz.
Archive 15 - Of oppage, zombie poopsmiths and similar shenanigans.
Archive 16 - Of bots, ageism, Signposts and what have you.
Archive 17 - Of something, I'm pretty sure.
Archive 18 - Of many things, possibly including carpenters and kings.
Archive 19 - Of temps perdu, among other things.
Archive 20 - Of the lost chord, for all that it matters.
Archive 21 - Of whatever - no-one reads these archive links anyway.
Archive 22 - Of Lord, please don't let me be Misunderstood.
Archive 23 - Of an epic amount of stuff, quite frankly.
Archive 24 - Of course I can help you reset your password.
Archive 25 - Of awards, Signposts and wibble; business as usual then.
Archive 26 - Of family business, mostly.
Archive 26 - Of all kinds of gubbins.
Archive 27 - Of trumpets, towers tenements.
Archive 28 - Of wide oceans full of tears.
Archive 29 - Of nothing that should concern you.
Archive 30 - Of signs, portents and omens. Maybe.
Archive 31 - Of IRL, in the main, I think.
Archive 32 - Of loads of Signposts, and sundry guff.

New stuff on bottom please.
And if you leave a message here, it's unlikely I'll respond. But if I do, I will respond here. It keeps things easy to follow, and at my age, I need that!

Important rule: there is a word. It starts with an "r" and rhymes with "cape". Don't use it on my page please, it annoys the hell out of me.

Finally, as I'm that sad, I reserve the right to correct spelling on this talk page if it irks me enough.
Please don't take it as an insult to your writing skills, take it as proof that I have no life.

I'm Probably Not Listening, Talk If You Like[edit source]

The UnSignpost: a brilliant new format but less news[edit source]

The UnSignpost
The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

Anton (talk) 11:42, 7 August 2013 (UTC)

That font is all but unreadable. Just sayin'. --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 19:50, Aug 9

Sure. Sure. Sure. But you have to tell that to Hotadmin. And I will see what will happen to you after that. Anton (talk) 07:14, 10 August 2013 (UTC)

EMC? Tell him from me that he couldn't ban his way out of a wet paper bag. --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 12:52, Aug 11

Well, you are active enough to say that to him yourself. Anton (talk) 13:10, 11 August 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost: yet another new format but still less news[edit source]

The UnSignpost
Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

– Llwy-ar-lawr (talkcontribslogs) 05:10, 5 May 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

It's back! - The UnSignpost[edit source]

The UnSignpost
Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 09:52, 25 July 2014 (UTC)

Two weeks in a row? A new record! It's the UnSignpost[edit source]

The UnSignpost
The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 23:53, 1 August 2014 (UTC)

You probably don't exist[edit source]

GET OUTTA MY HEAD YOU SHITTY SHITTY SHIT SHIT! The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  01:35, 5 August 2014 (UTC)

I am entirely a figment of Moardildoes' imagination. And your head needs dusting. And would it kill you to get cable in here? Honestly.
Good to see you Woody. How's things? --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 15:18, Aug 9

Does this look infected to you? It's the UnSignpost![edit source]

The UnSignpost
Now With 0 Trans Fat!

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) Beeverpedia.png ~ Fri, Aug 8 '14 12:23 (UTC)

More {{Boner}}s than a ragged Playgirl: It's the UnSignpost![edit source]

The UnSignpost
Now With 0 Trans Fat!

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) Beeverpedia.png ~ Fri, Aug 15 '14 20:05 (UTC)

We gave The UnSignpost an enema, so now it's regular![edit source]

The UnSignpost
The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) Beeverpedia.png ~ Fri, Aug 22 '14 2:10 (UTC)


The UnSignpost
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 03:27, 7 September 2014 (UTC)

Unsignpost delivery attempt numbr hideous implosion[edit source]

The UnSignpost
83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

Brace Yourselves, The UnSignpost is Coming![edit source]

The UnSignpost
The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

Necromancy[edit source]

I've read all the books on it. I'll just fire up the defribulator and wedge a wet finger up your anus. Actually that last part isn't in the books. Neither is the first part. In fact I think the book may have been a kitten, it sure meowed a lot for an 18th century guide to Godless arts.

But seriously, get back here.--Nikau (talk) 14:59, 24 September 2014 (UTC)

I'm trying, I really am! I'm around about as active as it's possible for me to be. And that's the rather depressing truth. Now, can someone please joke ban the fuck out of me to reassure me this place isn't going to the same shit as SPIKEpedia over there? Thanks. --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 12:43, Oct 13
Can't do that because I ain't no admin, man, they're keeping me down. I still think Shopping List may be the best thing on the site. --Nikau (talk) 14:17, 13 October 2014 (UTC)
That is an entirely inaccurate, but very nice thing to say, and much appreciated. Thank you. How long have you been kicking around here? --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 16:51, Oct 13
Oh that's right, you did those Tradesman and Indiana Jones articles I enjoyed back in the day. Remind me to have a nose through your more recent stuff if I get the time - what would you recommend? --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 17:06, Oct 13
Well not letting a chance to whore go to waste, Richard Nixon. I've finally hit that sweet spot where its fun to write rather than feeling like a bit of a chore, probably aided by being unemployed for a month or so. I love digging up all the old favorites by Cajek through to Rabbi Techno and all inbetween. It's a bit lonely here right now but we've got about 5-10 users about on a regular basis. --Nikau (talk) 17:18, 13 October 2014 (UTC)
Finally got round to reading it: nice work, hits the spot quite neatly. Fun to read as well as write. Thanks for the tip! --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 20:40, Nov 23

The USP is coming for you! (and your little dog too)[edit source]

The UnSignpost
The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

Excuse me, sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, the USP?[edit source]

The UnSignpost
Now With 0 Trans Fat!

dicks lol: It's UnSignpost time![edit source]

The UnSignpost
I love it when the news comes together

The UnSignpost is back, baby! (And also a little bit of front)[edit source]

The UnSignpost
Just like Grandma used to make!

Re-feature queue[edit source]

If you want, you can go to Uncyclopedia:Re-feature queue/Nominate and pick one featured article that you wrote to be re-featured. You can also pick three features written by someone else to re-feature. --Talk to me! Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 18:47, 17 November 2014 (UTC)

I saw you vote on a page, checked out your user page, and had a good giggle. Are oyu back? Leverage (talk) 18:56, 24 November 2014 (UTC)
Nice of you to say. I've only seen you on recent changes but you seem to be doing a good job. I'll reciprocate and check out your userpage. As to your question though: I wish. Just a little drive-by voting is the best I can manage. Nice to meet you. --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 19:37, Nov 24
Ok, you're good. There's some nice stuff there. Must check out more of it next time I'm passing. Toodles for now though. --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 19:48, Nov 24
We always need more voters on VFH (and more writers, but we've got less voters than good pages currently). I'll whore Nirvana (props to Mattsnow and Xamralco if you remember them), Running of the Bulls (GlobalTourniquet, who we all remember) and Jizzlam (me! No one should remember me, except for the noodle incident). --Nikau (talk) 06:58, 25 November 2014 (UTC)
Nirvana and Jizzlam are both fucking good. They're the kind of stuff I come here for. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent OZ! Noobaward.jpg Wotm.jpg Unbooks mousepad.PNG GUN.png 12:22, 27 November 2014 (UTC)
Butting in for a second, when I nominated articles, I found out that Tissue of Lies was something you wrote. If I ever knew that, I had forgotten it, so in case I hadn't told you before, I really love that article. Mystery novels are some of my favorites, so I suppose I was predisposed to enjoying it, but it made me laugh pretty hard and everything, so great job. Thanks for writing and whatnot. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  04:18, 26 November 2014 (UTC)
Looks like we're getting the adoption "family" back together. All we need is Cajek and Mordillo and Hyperbole who fits in there somewhere I think. Show them Nikaus and Leverages and new peoples what's what. Naaaah, they do great work. J'accuse was Cajek's take on the mystery genre IIRC. I had my head too far up my 16 year old ass to appreciate it in the day, but it's really quite good. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent OZ! Noobaward.jpg Wotm.jpg Unbooks mousepad.PNG GUN.png 05:05, 26 November 2014 (UTC)

Wow, this is the busiest my talkpage has been in years. Ok, in order:

  • Nikau: all I'll say is I've voted on the articles I feel strongly about. The others on VFH right now don't float my boat enough but I can see other people liking them so I'm not opposed to them being featured. So consider my position on those an abstain.
  • Woody: nice of you to say so. That's a big favourite of mine and I nearly put it up as my personal choice so I'm very glad you did! I love mysteries too - Modus's Case of the Dashing Dame and Cap'n Ben's Tips from the Experts (or whatever it was called - it's on my faves page) are brilliant examples of the genre.
  • DJ: good to see you. Would be great if Cajek and ol' Mordy dropped by, although I really can't see it. Wish I could make a proper contribution, but it's not happening.

Full disclaimer: I'm currently struggling with suspected ME. I find it hard to think straight for long periods. As such, actual funny writing is way beyond me. But I drop by when I feel up to it to read and nod in people's directions. Hopefully if I ever get my head back together I may drop some new stuff in here, but for now, it's just genuinely nice to see some good people, y'know? --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 15:39, Nov 26

Thank you for the honesty. ME sounds pretty ominous so I hope you improve soon. Writing here is supposed to be about fun first and foremost so don't get stressed over anything or feel obligated to be here if you don't want to. --Nikau (talk) 16:00, 26 November 2014 (UTC)
Ouchies. I had to google ME to check it wasn't short for Mega Ebola. Get well soon! But that must be the first time "thinking straight" and "uncyclopedia" have been in the same paragraph. I feel kind of bad having not popped in here over the years but reading my old articles is like reading a diary from when you're 12, the only ones I find funny now are Perestroika and that campaign one. Your articles and Cajek's have only become funnier over the years. What ever happened to Cajek? He just vanished entirely. He was so fun to interact with, I remember the time we trolled the Star Wars wiki and wrote a bunch of genuinely hilarious crap afterwards. I only just bothered to read through more of your and Cajek's work and the comedic timing is impressive in a way I could never appreciate as a snotty school kid. And there are still a few people here writing great things, like that Jizzlam up there which is worth the read. Now I'm rambling. I feel old. Get on my lawn so I can shout "get off my lawn!" at you. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent OZ! Noobaward.jpg Wotm.jpg Unbooks mousepad.PNG GUN.png 12:22, 27 November 2014 (UTC)
Campaign Leaflet remains a brilliant article, and probably my favourite of yours. I wish we'd got it together to finish that 'magic' collab you suggested and we sort of started - that idea had potential. Cajek got too busy with work, I think. I was friends with him on Facebook for a while, and it seemed like he was just wrapped up in it (in a good way). I hope the ol' bugger's well. Nice of you to mention my stuff in the same breath as his - if my articles made me laugh as hard as his do, I'd consider doing this for a living. --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 09:05, Dec 10

OHAI[edit source]

I heard you overdosed on mince pies. ~Jewriken.GIF 23:44, 8 December 2014 (UTC)

MORDILLO! Man does it do me good to see that spinning star! There is no such thing as a mince pie overdose. I am merely exhibiting the symptoms of being less mince pie deficient than most. Additionally, I should probably wish you and your lovely family a happy Hanukkah now in case I don't see you again before then. --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 08:53, Dec 10
Generations of English people that died from mince pieing would disagree O_O. Also, nice to be here once in a while. Need to dust off my trophy case, bloody Cajek has been lazy again. I think I need to stop paying him that monthly retainer. ~Jewriken.GIF 12:54, 10 December 2014 (UTC)

Vote, Vote, Vote[edit source]

It's that time of the year again! We're going to be showing off our Top Ten Articles of 2014 soon but so far, very few people have voted. It's all up to you to decide what's the best of the best! Go to Forum:Top 10 Articles of 2014 and vote now! --Talk to me! Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:24, 30 January 2015 (UTC)

Ok, so I have a kid now[edit source]

And I'm still here, doing my best to dick around whilst ignoring them. You have absolutely no excuses. GET BACK IN HERE YOU GLORIOUS MINCE PIE FIEND, YOU!
so lonely... The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif The vote was legitimate!  18:35, 20 July 2015 (UTC)

Oh I have plenty of excuses - look just a little way up this page for the main one. However, I'll always take a minute to extend congratulations, especially to one of the nicest, most genuine-seeming people on here. Enjoy it man, it's a challenge at times, but there are joys one a whole new level ahead of you and I almost envy you experiencing them for the first time! --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 19:36, Sep 25

Welcome back[edit source]

Hey UU, it's good to see you around. While editing the site requires commitment, joining our official Discord server takes (almost) no effort at all. Recently, a bunch of familiar faces have returned to the community, such as Hyperbole, Oliphaunte, mhaille, EMC, Dr. Skullthumper, and more. Mhaille asked about you personally, so you should drop by and catch up. Best wishes, and hope to see you soon. AimsplodeL A B O R A T O R I E S 23:24 18 June 2019

Happy Monkey Competition 2021[edit source]


Hey its HAPPY MONKEY TIME 2021 (Feb 21-28). Your favourite writing competition where we write articles on one another's suggested topics. Go ahead and sign up because the more users we have competiting the more ridonculously fun it is. If you don't wanna write you can sign up to judge! Sing up here. Remember it's not about writing a sure fire VFH article, but pushing the limits of your originality and creativity and spitting out an article on a topic you had never thought about writing before. Also...Shabidoo will love you forever and owe you like a zillion favours for it. He will literally do anything to please you if it means you participate. Happy Monkey Farts!!! ShabiDOO 15:47, 10 February 2021 (UTC)

UnSignpost Home Delivery for May 1st, 2021[edit source]

The UnSignpost
Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!

It's beginning to look a lot like…[edit source]

See you next year! The first annual *Kiss My Ass* Holiday Competition has officially ended for 2021


Up for grabs is the coveted Clark Griswold Award for Holiday Cheer. Who will be crowned Holiday Victor?
Judgement day is upon ye!

Seasons Greetings!

It's that special time of year. A wonderful time for friends and family to rejoice in gaiety. Not you! You usually spend all of your hard-earned money on gifts for them, and now you just want to hibernate until your finances recuperate. Well, here at Uncyclopedia, entering our newest competition won't cost you a penny Sign Up Today! (pretty please)  – Zana Dark  talk to me  AJTA (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 13:14, 13 December 2021