User talk:Under user/Archive 23

Rudolph?

...the very thought of it. MrN 09:13, Aug 30

Rudolph, the red haired teenager

Had a very shiny head

(Like an energy saving lightbulb)

   Orian57    Talk   13:46 30 August 2009

And what is the issue with Red heads? Pup t 02:40, 31/08/2009

What's right with them? /me remembers that all your kids are gingers and quietly leaves the room./    Orian57    Talk   02:47 31 August 2009

And so was Jessica Rabbit, Carrot top, and Farrah Fawcett-Majors. Pup t 02:50, 31/08/2009

Lol, women, you should stop using them to try and get your point across, cos it'll never work.    Orian57    Talk   08:35 31 August 2009

I tried, but I Failed to think of an attractive male red-head in the media... Getting carrot top was as close as I could get. Bleagh! Pup t 00:38, 1/09/2009

I have literally no idea what you mean. On reflection I hardly know what I meant before so, whatever: Gingers are teh ghay.    Orian57    Talk   00:40 1 September 2009

As my surname in the unreal world is actually "Ginger", I have to point out that.. okay, some of us are, but some of us aren't, and some of us are just really confused. Pup t 07:30, 1/09/2009

Should I mention at this point that my best mate is a ginger? It seems as good a juncture as any. --UU - natter 08:05, Sep 1

No you absolutely should not. If you were any kind of friend you would strive to keep his condition as secret as possible. Not tell the whole world about it.    Orian57    Talk   11:30 1 September 2009

The lead singer of my favouritiest band ever ever ever is also called Ginger. You're on thin ice indeed, my uphill-gardening friend... --UU - natter 08:14, Sep 2

Oh you're not one of those ginger sympathisers are you? Parading around saying "they're people too" -- they're not. And tehy're violent too - they should be locked until they go bald or grey. Also on a completely different and non-orange note, Fallout 3 is amazing.    Orian57    Talk   08:35 2 September 2009

What about the Suid Afrikaan band "Just Jinger" that were around for about 5 seconds back in the 80's. Pup t 09:17, 2/09/2009

Just because Orian is teh gheyz and can't spell, no need to go over-writing his comments, young Puppy... --UU - natter 12:07, Sep 2

You're a bully. And I saw those ban logs too! /Me runs away crying/    Orian57    Talk   21:00 2 September 2009

Finally! --UU - natter 21:05, Sep 2

Wait. So is it bad to be ginger? /shaves head. Cos, you know, I'm, er, completely not ginger. Yeah. Nameable • mumble? 21:11, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

So let's recap: my best mate is ginger, so is one of my absolute idols. I'd say that comes down on the "not bad" side of things for me. --UU - natter 21:15, Sep 2

Aww, and I used to like you.    Orian57    Talk   21:21 2 September 2009

Is that what it takes? I'm ginger, and so is my wife. --UU - natter 21:28, Sep 2

FYI

My comment regarding the VFH-changing-ness on the WotM page was meant as a joke, though it retrospect it probably didn't come across that way (obviously). Yes, I know I can be anal, and yes, I know that it's often counterproductive, and yes, I regret that the first thing causes the second thing, but in that case I meant it as a joke (otherwise I'd have made a forum topic). So yeah. Sorry if I'm sometimes exasperating, but you should probably realize that it legitmately bothers me when stupid little things like that aren't done (along with whether or not my fingernails are the same length). So yeah. Sorry. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:39, September 1, 2009 (UTC)

The first few times it comes across as a joke, but after the umpteenth time you've just trawled through all the site upkeep and maintenance stuff that you need to do as an admin and then you come across one of those comments, it can get old. You caught me on a particularly fraught day yesterday, trying to get 8 hours of work done in 5 so I could leave early to take the wife to see the midwife (I made it, and heard a tiny heartbeat - beautiful), hence the over-reaction. But yeah, we know it bothers you, you've made that abundantly clear - but this site is run by unpaid volunteers who occasionally have other things to do, so relax just a little, and enjoy writing! --UU - natter 08:09, Sep 2

Gotcha. Hopefully your job eventually becomes less stressful for you. Also, congrats on the baby, by the way. Do you two know the due date/baby's sex etc. yet? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:03, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Project Doggystyle with the Devil

First of all, I am NOT paid by any marketing firm to do this, nor am I a diehard fan of District 9. I did watch the movie, and I found it pretty decent. However, the real fodder for my articles is the ridiculous viral marketing campaign of that movie. Not only they built a fictional corporate homepage and a fictional blog, at this year's Comic-Con, they even organized a protest outside, chanting for non-human rights! If that wasn't batfuck insane for you (chances are it wasn't), even the bathrooms in the Comic-Con barred non-humans! I just want to lampoon the over-the-top viral marketing like how Stephen Colbert travesties real bloviators and how Josef Stalin parodied 1984's Big Brother. If Jimbo Wales got to make fun of Uncyclopedia by creating Wikipedia, I should at least be given a chance to make fun of District 9.

Second, if the sheer lack of articles and/or organization is making you batfuck insane, here's my ultimate plan for Project Doggystyle with the Devil:
MNU Banned: This category is for articles that your usual oppressive corporation would not want you to read.

• MWB: MWB, or Menslike Weerstandbeweging (Afrikaans for Human Resistance Movement), is a human-supremacist organization opposed to prawn rights. I made up MWB myself, so it does not show up in the movie. However, it is a parody of Afrikaner Weerstandsbeweging, an actual white-supremacist movement in South Africa. The humor of the article will be that although it claims to welcome humans of all colors, subtle cues throughout the page will reveal the implicit racism of MWB as well as its explicit anti-prawnism.
• District 9 (bootleg): This article is about District 9 as written by a prawn. The prawn is not very good at English, so the article will be really shitty grammar. Still, the prawn is able to expose horrible conditions in his home district. All other articles ending with (bootleg) will share the same characteristics.
• District 9 (MWB): Similar to the bootleg article of District 9, but with a flair of anti-prawn hatred. You guessed it: All other other articles ending with (MWB) will offend even the BNP.
• I'll think of more articles...

MNU Approved: This category is for your everyday corporate propaganda, the exact opposite of the above.

• District 9: This is an introductory article, linking to human and non-human versions of MNU's article on District 9.
• District 9 (human): This is where MNU gets to redeem itself through sugar-coating its role in the history of the prawn reservation.
• District 9 (non-human): Same as the above, with a catch. If you notice the highlight and the summary of the non-human text images, they are very similar to their English counterpart, but instead of euphemisms and nice words like "Violators will be subject to international criminal law." and "Have a nice day!", non-human text will have commanding, more explicit content like "Violators will face the death penalty." and "Strength through unity, unity through faith.". My goal is to be subtle, like the white "nothings" in the Andrei Tarkovsky article
• Still more to come...

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask, just not literally in front of the computer screen. I just want to be understood, that's all.
Your truly,
markchung – Preceding unsigned comment added by Markchung (talk • contribs)

Wow, thanks for the in-depth response - I'll give it the attention it deserves after I get through the rest of the stuff I need to do this morning. --UU - natter 08:18, Sep 2

Can I make a suggestion here? There seems to be a strong link to one of the concepts in here ad PCASF. In fact it sounds like a repeat of this concept, with the basis being a racial hate group - as opposed to a homosexual hate group. I'd like to see this developed on a user page before launched on the rest of the Uncyclopeadian community, because this idea will either rock, or tank. By the way, if the answer to the first question was no, too late. Pup t 09:18, 2/09/2009

I really don't like these kind of "comment" templates. They are even worse if you plan on using them on articles unrelated to district 9. In almost all cases, all they do is clutter the articles, and "canned-joke" templates always turn into tired jokes rather quickly. --Mn-z 16:52, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

If the templates are to be used across just this series of connected articles, and they are part of the concept, then I have no real problem with that. If they start getting used on other articles not part of this series and cluttering them up, then I would have a problem. Now that the idea has been explained, I'm cool with giving it a chance, but I'll be keeping an eye on this, and may end up moving it to userspace if I think it needs more time. But as the humour has been missed more than once now, I'd suggest making it a little more obvious in places exactly what you're trying to do - if everyone misses the point, arguably the point isn't actually there, if you see what I mean. --UU - natter 10:56, Sep 3

Do you remember moving my article?

I'm almost complete but i need help just look at it here thx.bye. <img src="" alt="" width="32" height="32" />Sα∏♦ 08:09, September 3, 2009 (UTC) – Preceding unsigned comment added by Salh474 (talk • contribs) (I know technically you tried to sign it, but your sig doesn't work properly and this is helpful to me)

OK, I'll take a look. Quick tip: with links, capitalisation matters. Look at how I've formatted your link - that's how they work. --UU - natter 10:47, Sep 3

Um - I don't want to discourage you here - I can see you have put in plenty of work, and it's coming along - but I think it still needs work doing. My suggestion would be to put it up for a pee review and work on it based on the feedback you get. A good review will give you plenty of tips and advice on how to really make your article work. Once you've had a good review, and worked on the suggestions you get, come back, and hopefully we'll be in a position to move it back to mainspace. Good luck! --UU - natter 10:50, Sep 3

Do you remember moving my article?

I'm almost complete but i need help; just look at it, i dont even know how to give a link to it. thx.bye.

<img src="" alt="" width="32" height="32" />Sα∏♦ 08:10, September 3, 2009 (UTC) – Preceding unsigned comment added by Salh474 (talk • contribs) (I know technically you tried to sign it, but your sig doesn't work properly and this is helpful to me)

OK, I'll take a look. Woah - deja vu. --UU - natter 10:47, Sep 3

Thanks!

'Sincere Thanks'

Thank you very much for helping to make me August 2009's Writer of the Month.

This is hands down one of the best moments I've had on Uncyclopedia. And you helped make it possible. Thank you.

• • • Necropaxx (T) {~}

---

Thanks for the vote comment you left too. That made my day. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 00:03, Sep 4

No problem man, just be sure to keep writing - I wanna see more stuff from you! --UU - natter 12:27, Sep 9

Suddenly Susan Says Super (Brooke Shields)

User:Miley Spears/Vote Brooke Shields Thanks for voting for! I'm glad you liked Suddenly Susan. DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 01:53, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th September

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The newspaper that missed an issue and no-one even noticed.

Date September something-or-other, 2009 • Issue 63 • Nobody reads this bit anyway

Left alone to write the entire UnSignpost, Ape delivers sub-par, mostly self-referential issue By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays "What happened to the signpost?" was the question on literally nobody's lips this week, as Uncyclopedia's favourite newspaper which everyone loves to read but no-one can be bothered to write for took another step on the long slow descent to obscurity. Unfortunately Fortunately, Uncyclopedia's premier Ape-based entertainer, and occasional UnSignpost writer, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays heroically stepped into the breach to save the flagging newsrag from going the way of the dodo, the Irish Elk, and Mhaille's marriage. However, our intrepid hero, i.e. me, soon discovered the enormity of the task that lay ahead of him. Boxes had to be filled, interesting and thought-provoking forums had to be discovered and linked to, block logs had to be accessed and trawled for witty comments (unsuccessfully, as it turned out) and this article and presumably another one below it had to be written. "I never thought it could be this hard," Ape told himself, with sexual innuendo very much intended. "How did Gerrycheevers keep finding stuff to write about? There doesn't really seem to be much happening around here. I mean, I could start whoring my newest articles under the flimsy guise of self-referential irony, but that would be shit really. Who wants to see that? Nobody, that's who." However, in the absence of anything funny or clever to say, our hero, (who is gradually being revealed to be more of an anti-hero, like Alex in A Clockwork Orange, except with no sense of style) proceeded to do exactly that, shamelessly whoring two articles (which, if anything, evince his decline as a comedy writer), eliciting a universal chorus of groans and boos from all who had the misfortune to read it. An appeal to the Uncyclopedia community By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Seriously guys, if you don't want any more shitty issues like this I'm going to need help, or else the signpost is going to die like all the other well-intentioned projects that nobody bothers with. What we need is: People to do interesting stuff that I can write about. People to contribute to the signpost. Fabulous prizes. Thank you for your time.

Check out these pages! Does anyone think we should fuck up Pee Review? Hyperbole fails to understand UN:N The FBI are pedos? From our logs: 23:23, September 1, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.81.7.211 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (THat FAG JUST WOULDN`T STOP SUCKING MY COCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 13:08, September 1, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 131.6.84.110 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking a WCW article? do you know how much of a moron that flags you up as?) 08:32, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a minor existential crisis ‎ (wait, so we DON'T care about people's gay friends? but I thought that was the whole POINT. what's the use in anything any more? I'm so disillusioned) 09:13, September 2, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a debate ‎ (Are you gay then? You seem gay to me. Not that there's anything wrong with it. Unless you sleep with Orian. Do you? Are you gay then?) 09:26, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a riposte ‎ (no wai, im not ghey, ive had lodes and lodes of chix. ur just jelus bcos ur mum's ghey. and ur dad. yeah, you herd, their both teh gheyz!) 21:09, September 1, 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.0.51.13 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (well fuck off then, wanker) Biopic of the Week Can't be fucked with this. Old School Featured Article of The Week Pot v. Kettle was a landmark case in USA history, giving people the right to make hypocritical statements without fear of retribution. It began as a civil rights case, as Kettle alleged that Pot "did not let [Kettle] work at the Pot's store solely for the color of [his] kitchenware". What made this Supreme Court case unique was the fact that the Pot himself was black, as was the Kettle. Nostalgia Box Remember when Gerry was here? Things were so much better back then.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

-- Soldat Teh PWNerator (pwnt!) 16:40, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

Kriptonite

Bro, that's fine that you removed the floating around "2nd nom" version. The only important thing is the article, which has now been upgraded to almost-maybe feature nom quality. Perhaps you could check the latest version I did with help of Mr N recently. If you have any advice, I'm all ears. Thanks--Funnybony 19:14, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

What's Going on Under There?

You see what I did there? That's called convoloution. My internet seems ti be working properly now so I hope to be more active again. Although this past week Uncyc has been competing with Fallout 3, you played that? It's just so brilliant!    Orian57    Talk   22:34 4 September 2009

Fallout 3? I've heard good things about that, but with a kid on the way, I have zero cash available for any other stuff. New games are right out. I'm basically squeezing as much as I can out of the demos I download on the 360, gaming-wise. But I did hear the nipper's heartbeat for the first time this week, so very little can crush my mood at present! --UU - natter 08:24, Sep 6

I've sunk at least sixty hours into it over the past six days. Which is sort of terrible I suppose, I'm not even sure how I managed that because I got halfway through season two of CSI:Miami and wrote a short story. Anyway if you can scrimp together twenty quid I highly recommend it. And then another fifty for the downloads, which I've just started buying. And I'm glad to hear that everything's alright with the baby, hope Mrs UU is doing ok too. I've heard pregnancy can become a real drag after a while. Most women don't last much longer than nine months -- which is weak, don't you think? I could clear a year, easy!    Orian57    Talk   13:12 6 September 2009

I've spent most of the last couple of days listening to an album called Chutzpah! by The Wildhearts, who are my favouritiest band ever ever ever. And looking forward to my holiday to Italy in a week and seeing the Wildhearts live shortly after we get back. If i can just get through one really tough week at work first, life should be good. Fortunately, I've ripped Chutzpah! to my mp3 player, so at least I'm armed to the teeth with weapons of ROCK! Ahem - I may be a little tired, it's past my bedtime, I think. --UU - natter 20:05, Sep 6

lower case "I", oh you are slipping. And Italy, that sounds... foreign. I might just look into this album.    Orian57    Talk   22:23 6 September 2009

Actually, the "shift" key on my laptop is almost completely fucked - I'm making representations to my boss for a new keyboard because I nearly have to stand on it before the shift will work, and half the letters have been rubbed clean off the keys, which makes typing interesting! --UU - natter 08:06, Sep 8

An electronic message from the desk of ChiefjusticeDS

Hi UU, I doubt you noticed the relative decline in my PEEing. Even if you didn't, I apologise for it. The reason is that soon I will be heading to University to have an education of sorts and I am currently in the midst of making sure I don't end up on the streets, playing the guitar and offering to PEE review people's....anythings for food. The only reason for this message is to make you aware of my departure and thus to stop you thinking I am no longer pulling my weight as, from now until the Christmas holidays, my number of reviews will drop considerably. Also, thank you very much for the PEEing awards, these things help me feel like a much more worthwhile person and I will continue to review when I can.

Thanks for all your help over the last couple of months. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:10, September 5, 2009 (UTC)

Hey Chief. The decline in your reviewing has been noticed, and we're working toward picking up the pace somewhat, but nobody here is blaming you for actually having a life. I've been thinking of getting one myself. Apparently they're quite useful. Before you do part for the undiscovered country, I'd appreciate if you would put you voice forward as the PEEr with possibly the strongest flow over the past few months toward the current RotM. I obviously have my own leanings, but I'd appreciate it if you would simply vote with your conscience. (Is it whoring to ask somebody to vote without telling them how they should vote? If it is, sorry UU, be gentle with my ban time.) Pup t 23:49, 5/09/2009

Hey Chief - of course I've noticed your contributions and the number thereof - I keep a close eye on things! But you have nothing to worry about as far as "pulling your weight" goes - very few people manage to sustain a high volume of pee for too long, real life tends to intrude in one way or another. Hell, it's stopped me doing as many reviews as I want to each month as well. I'm very grateful for the help you've given over the last few months, and wish you all the best with Uni and the stuff that really matters. Uncyc will be here if you get any spare time, and it'll be good to see you around, but it's not the most important thing: you're only a student once, so enjoy the hell out of it (I really miss being a student). --UU - natter 08:07, Sep 6

UnSignpost Randomber 64th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The only newspaper that Codeine's mum has randomized

Date August 27th, 2009: THE RANDOM ISSUE • Issue 62 • Because the truth is not random enough

Random Headline By No one in particular At 3:15 a.m., homologies baked an antibody. While moccasin was piloting, a quickloader suddenly cried. A skeptic is a person who would ask God for his ID card. Avril Lavigne throws Xbox! Paladin vomits a cockroach! POKÉMON' FREE ELECTIONS'! Equally important, bearsharktopus vomits ladles! Did the swordsman golf... ... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws? Basically, Especially 0 belittling machine-gun Where will you find roads without cars, forests without trees and cities without houses? clearly A father's child, a mother's child, yet no one's son. Who am I? Eleventy Billion envision rudely Olympics older chan HarryPotterFan old-fashioned boycott hillbilly IchBinFunneh imbecile beard. 1447 skillz! yeah!!!11!one Babe Ruth was a total Bitch! By The Woodburninator Look, I'm not saying he wasn't good at baseball! I'm not trying to destroy your great baseball heroes. But let's not kid ourselves here. Babe Ruth was a complete and total bitch. Come on. He couldn't catch the ball. And he whined at the umpires when people called him fat (even though he totally was). And he always talked about how much his feelings were hurt by people trying to buy him a beer. Signpost Has Gone Officially Bat fuck Insane By Bad Shroom Due to frequent lack of interest and excitement, this UnSignpost issue has now gone totally insa-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Genital wart in the left politician! BOMB IRAN! HEIL CAJEK! mundanely. to wash.

Random articles of the week HowTo: Use the Random page button to your advantage in a newspaper Random logs: 19:51, September 3, 2009 TheLedBalloon blocked 91.106.217.157 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I agree, File:Deletion icon.svg is totally racist and should be deleted. Talk:Black People, on the other hand, I'm pretty much fine with.) 09:47, August 30, 2009 Mordillo protected "WP:HOTCAT" [edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (there, no more redlinks) (hist) 10:22, August 22, 2009 Thekillerfroggy blocked Miley Spears with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (pointlessly productive, dedicated user) Random Biopic of the Week The man, the myth, the user not many people really know. Random pipings was an active user way back in March 2006. Sure, he only had 46 edits. Sure, during his heyday in March, 2006 he only had 32 edits, which most of our more accomplished users can rack up in half an hour. And yes, only 3 of his 6 articles are still around, including the critically acclaimed Health. But, in spite of all that, he has a place in our great wiki here. Because even though he's not around, and his articles are not beloved, everyone can find a niche here, and that's exactly what Random pipings has done. I mean, how many other great men could have made a "Your mom", "Oscar Wilde", and "David Hasslehoff" joke in one fell swoop? Not many I say, and for that, Random pipings, we salute you. Here's to the little guy. Huzzah! #D94FC7 box Eat that, fat whores! Random colour! Hahaha!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

On the other hand, please think of the Firemaking Aspergerss! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 02:15, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

Zombies

So, I saw you delete User:Orian/UnBooks:The Zombie Diaries on my watchlist, and I asked Orian if I could have it in my userspace to work on it and such and he agreed. So, could you restore it and move it to my userspace? Thanks in advance. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 02:05, 8 September 2009

Bang. --UU - natter 08:12, Sep 8

Thanks. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:32, 8 September 2009

Another thingy

I just noticed you deleted HowTo:Make a Toothpick out of a Raccoon's Penis, and I'd like to complete it in my userspace. I'm not the original author, but I saw the article and it looked promising. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 02:18, 8 September 2009

And bang. --UU - natter 08:12, Sep 8

And thanks. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:36, 8 September 2009

Thanking you for your vote on Psyché

User:POTR/Psyche Pup t 22:27, 8/09/2009

I'm back!

And I'm black/ because I used to be white (nigga)/ and I think it's about tyme/ I started spitting this rhyme (bitch fuckka). Is it any good? Don't worry it has nothing to do with wrappers.    Orian57    Talk   01:19 9 September 2009

Back in Black/ I hit the sack/ I been too long I'm glad to be back/ yes I'm let loose/ from the noose/ that's kept me hangin' around/ I been looking at the sky/ 'cause it's getting me high/ forget the hearse 'cause I'll never die/ I got nine lives/ cats eyes/ abusing every one of 'em and running wild/ 'cause I'm back... --UU - natter 11:55, Sep 9

Well, good to see anarchy isn't dead. But Marble Madness, how bad is it?    Orian57    Talk   12:02 9 September 2009

Marble Madness? /me gets misty-eyed nostalgia-vision. Oh man, I remember breaking my mate's joystick in frustration at that game. (Note: that is not a euphemism in any way shape or form, and should not be interpreted as such) Wow, that takes me back... The article? Oh, right. It's not bad. I'd say without giving it a full review, I'd guess it'd get a score in the thirties from me - needs a few more chuckles to really shine, but quite nifty. Will that do for now? --UU - natter 12:16, Sep 9

Considering I threw it together pretty quickly that's better than I was expecting. And I never even knew it was an actual game, I just found teh red link somewhere and got the idea. And you broke your friend's joystick eh? And now you're having kids just to rub it in? Nice.    Orian57    Talk   12:35 9 September 2009

What do they teach you kids in school these days? Go play it - learn something! --UU - natter 12:48, Sep 9

In schools? How to hide, stay out of the lime light and develop stalking tendencies because he's just so close. And yeah, I won't. Also I have an idea about merging CSI and Cluedo in unholy matrimony. I know we've already got a few CSI themed articles around but I like the idea. What think you?    Orian57    Talk   12:59 9 September 2009

As with most overdone ideas, there's still room for more if it's a good spin on the idea. Handled properly, that could be one such spin. Give it a try, see what happens. Also, try playing the game for a minute or two at least - you never know, might give you an idea for the article. Or it might not... --UU - natter 13:51, Sep 9

Deleted Article

Hello, Back when I was young, one of my articles called Used Goods was deleted due to me doing something or other. It was a couple of years ago. Is it easy to restore this and chuck it at my userspace? mAttlobster. (hello) 11:38, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Well, User:Matt lobster/Used Goods already existed, so I moved it to User:Matt lobster/Used Goods1. --UU - natter 11:52, Sep 9

You're a star!! And ehhh...didn't realise it was already there...Thanks for your help. mAttlobster. (hello) 11:55, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Could I be cheeky enough to further request that Apoc.jpg and GBnowales.jpg also be restored. I assume they were deleted as nothing linked to them when the Used Goods was deleted. mAttlobster. (hello) 12:06, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Ah, as far as I know, deleted images can't be restored, they have to be re-uploaded. Unlike pages, which can always be restored, when an image is deleted, it's gone. And yes, I think they got caught in one of the regular unused image purges. --UU - natter 12:21, Sep 9

OK, well I guess regular unused image purges are a fact of life in this harsh unforgiving terrain. Thanks for your help. mAttlobster. (hello) 14:44, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

I'm still here!!

Just when you thought you had gotten rid of me I reappear with more tedious stuff for UU to help me with do for me. I would like to ask you to give me rollback ability to help me out when I'm doing maintenance and the like. I ask you only because you are the administrator I have had the most contact with (I know I live a sad, quiet Uncyc life) since my arrival and thus you can make a better decision as to my suitability. Don't feel you need to give them to me at all, apparently I'm given far too much in this life already (education, a home, food etc etc) I just figured it would be faster than trawling my way through all 3 of those edit screens. Oh and I promise I will leave to go to university soon. Thanks. --ChiefjusticeDS 20:26, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Rollback? Sorry, beyond my capabilities that - only 'crats have the power to grant rollback. Have a word with that nice Mordillo feller, he's the man for that. --UU - natter 21:55, Sep 9

You have just shattered so many of my dreams! UU not able to do something on Uncyclopedia?? *Dies of the shock*. I shall head on over and ask Mordillo then, Ta very much anyway. --ChiefjusticeDS 06:05, September 10, 2009 (UTC)

Thank you from the trainyards

User:POTR/ITTE Pup

Now, I don't deny being a little thick

But am I missing something here? -OptyC Sucks! CUN16:00, 10 Sep

Er, depends what you think you're missing. --UU - natter 08:17, Sep 11

Thanks UU

STOMPING THROUGH THE FABRIC OF YOUR SOCIETY Seriously though, where would you be without me? Would drama ever be the same again? It's so very simple. The great monster rises from the water and pauses dramatically while shimmering in the moonlight. He slowly looks into the camera and utters a deep resonating scream that encompasses all our deepest fears. Spotlights search the dark horizon to find his massive hulk of reptilian glory a mere kilometer from the heart of the great industrial city. Slowly, the great beast steps onto dry land and his rein of terror begins. Buildings crumble before him as he appears to be endlessly searching for something. Something to appease unknown demonic desires as yet to be defined. Of course, it's really just an act. The confused searching thing gets em' all nervous, that's for sure. The bottom line is simple. Please don't use atomic weapons, OK? Your vote for Godzilla vs. Vaginus is a step in the right direction and hopefully some measure of your mammalian guilt will be relieved. Thank you so much. ;-) xxx Gojira

Long time no read! I got an E-mail because some IP left a comment on the talk page accusing the article of being copied from ED and all of a sudden I notice that the article is on the front page.....oh!...that's nice! So thanks for the vote! It's been a blur of researching, reading and Facebook for a few months here. I'll definitely catch up this winter, looks like some new interesting faces/ID's around. Hope you and the Mrs are doing well!--    21:01, September 11, 2009 (UTC)

He got himself pregnant you know.    Orian57    Talk   21:03 11 September 2009

You huffed Discordian American Princess!

Goddess will get you for that! Really I know it's my fault. I started it before I was ready because it was linked from Brooke Shields and I didn't want my first featured article to have red links. Then I couldn't think of how to do it. I'll work on it on my user page then put it back when it's an article. :) DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 01:28, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

Why do people have such an aversion to red links? I think having a few -- even in featured articles, can be helpful. People see that we don't have an article on something it prompts them to write it. Yes we have stuff like requested articles and Most wanted, but few newbies know to even look for those. This isn't an attack on you, Miley, I'm just venting over red-haters in general.    Orian57    Talk   01:32 12 September 2009

Can You Move This Back?

Is there any chance you can move this to my personal page or something rather than deleting it? Thx. 08:06, September 10, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) huffed "The Hernandez-Smaili Effect" ‎ (content was: 'The Hernandez-Smaili Effect Similar to the Dopplar Effect, the Hernandez-Smaili Effect has to do with the delay in which business information is adequa…' (and the only contributor was 'Loewenboy')) – Preceding unsigned comment added by Loewenboy (talk • contribs)

UU is away finding God right now. But as his personal advisor (I advised against going to see the pope by the way, there are far more suitable religions out there) could I perhaps re-direct you to another admin? Mordillo should be able to help you. :)    Orian57    Talk   14:51 14 September 2009

Gee thanks.

My internet friend went to Italy and all I got was this lousy ban. You even gave Mordillo 1 hour and 57 minutes more, which really made me feel loved.    Orian57    Talk   20:09 14 September 2009

Well I didn't get anything, so you got 3 minutes more than me. I was even being productive at the time. There truly is not justice. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:01, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

I was being productive. I was... I was - AH! I was amending my score on the best PEEers of all time.    Orian57    Talk   21:03 14 September 2009

I am willing to disperse diving justice if you two are feeling lonely. Also, Chief, thanks for the great review, I'll make some adjustments according to it. Also, this is not my talk page. ~ 21:04, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

OK, someone just has to write an article about diving justice, and I'm getting 50 percent credit for it. ~ 21:13, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

About what? Judges scuba diving in Italy? sounds like it might be amusing.    Orian57    Talk   21:15 14 September 2009

Diving justice, or, better "Diving justices 'the heartwarming tale of the US supreme court's holiday to Italy'" Now that is an idea I can get behind. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:21, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

LOL. Behind.    Orian57    Talk   21:24 14 September 2009

Quite. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:28, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

LOL! Behind is like bumming!    Orian57    Talk   21:31 14 September 2009

Now who is being infantile? I don't think it is me, not this time at least. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:36, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

But DADDY! :@    Orian57    Talk   21:38 14 September 2009

No that is my final word young Orian, no sweets or sausages for you! Now the joke is over. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:44, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

What joke's that Daddy? Is puppy not really a bad man?    Orian57    Talk   21:46 14 September 2009

No, Puppy is a rather excellent fellow and I have definitely never defamed his character or made suggestive comments about his feelings towards young boys. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:47, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

But you said that he was on a list or sumsin? Were you lying?    Orian57    Talk   21:49 14 September 2009

Yes, you see Orian, sometimes grown-ups have to lie, this wasn't one of those times and I'm very sorry. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:52, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

Why are you sorry? Did you make Puppy go on the bad man list?    Orian57    Talk   21:53 14 September 2009

Yes, and I hope, one day he can find it in his heart to forgive me... young orian, I shouldn't discuss my personal life with you, go to bed this instant! --ChiefjusticeDS 06:54, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

Sheesh - you take a minute to think of people and they get picky over what present you give 'em. I am not here, this is a figment of your imagination. And this particular figment is off to bed for about 14 hours straight now. Bloody delays. --UU - natter 08:55, Sep 17

Yay! You love me three minutes more than Mordillo! :D You don't know how lucky you are that I was asleep.    Orian57    Talk   11:57 17 September 2009

Star Wars (2010)

Star Wars sequel announced, may contain disturbing twists The controversial 2010 remake of Star Wars will have a sequel. This unpopular move was sparked after the remake was voted #1 for August 2009 by Uncyclopedia. "We felt we may as well use the freedom given to us when we virtually wiped out 33 years' worth of continuity," said co-producer and co-director George Lucas, all the while taunting the editors at Wookieepedia. Most reaction has been decidedly negative, with critics saying that "Lucas will most certainly take cues from the Devil himself" and that "he will most certainly manage to do what he did with the last film—make us regret being Star Wars fans."

Thanks for voting this into the Top 3 for August 2009! Sir MacMania GUN—[20:45 16 Sep 2009]

I'm back

For a while at least. Any ideas about articles that are just sitting there waiting for writing? -- Little Pink Sock 17:07, September 18, 2009 (UTC)

So how's UU, 'e day?

Bet Rome was Romey. Better surely than being on the dole -- I don't even want to be here anymore. The whole thing is suffocating me slowly. Add to this my best friend just left for University and the last thing I said to him was "we should have done this more often", which is a tragedy all of it's own. And I'm starting to realise -- really realise, that I should have tried harder at school. Then there's just a multitude of little things gnawing away at me. And I thought depression was meant to be funny. Sorry, I'm pretty sure you're not a therapist, I'm just venting. Ignore me. Don't, obviously. On a happier note I came up with the title: UnBooks:Justice League of Document Controllers, like a receptionist really bigging up her job. Struck me as possibly funny.    Orian57    Talk   15:33 21 September 2009

Just so you know - not ignoring you, just very busy again. Get back from holiday to several crises at work, all hugely urgent and requiring my attention yesterday. Fun! So have to run. Good title though. --UU - natter 16:16, Sep 21

Cool, cool. I'll probably start it later.    Orian57    Talk   17:09 21 September 2009

UnSignpost September 10/17

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

Date September 17th, 2009 • Issue 64 • Consistently Declining Readership Since 2008!

Uncyclopedians Continue Hostile Takeover of Wikimedia By Bad Shroom This week, noted user Electrified mocha chinchilla got a short but somewhat hostile reply from the lackluster Wikimedia Foundation. After telling truths to the company such as taking control over Wikipedia and how Uncyclopedia is 104% fact, a Wikipedia Foundation employee under the subtle disguise "Philippe XXXXXX" replied in a manner that was both honorable and robust. Confounded by the foundation's kindness, e|m|c quickly replied with a rebuttal seeming more like a terrorist threat like a thank-you note. Even though Uncyclopedia has not managed to even get off Wikia's back, some users have a bright, world domination-esque outlook to the future. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein Week One of the UFFL season was full of thrills, spills, birth control pills, and shitty rhymes. The John Curry All-Stars bested The Oklahoma City Storm 93.08 – 74.54 after a sub-par performance from offensive giants Larry Fitzgerald and Michael Turner on the Storm side, not to mention the controversial decision to sit starting quarterback and country singer enthusiast Tony Romo. The appropriately-named Dudes edged Cheddar’s Doritians 98.42 – 96.06, despite the fact that Dudes manager Frank Zappa was high the entirety of the game. Injuries to key Doritian players Donovan McNabb and LaDainian Tomlinson made the loss extra-hard to swallow. The not-so-domestic Domestic Team Name blew out DiBiase’s Millions 112.82 – 67.16—a loss which caused Millions’ manager Woody Onfire to question the not-sucking-ness of his team publicly. Finally, Sternensteinenstine annihilated the ironically-named Winnerz 123.92 – 0.00 after Winnerz manager Al Davis forgot to edit his team’s starting roster for the week. The lop-sided German victory was aided by a career day from Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees and round-the-clock Luftwaffe air cover in conjunction with concentrated armored thrusts at the enemy’s flanks. Lead Editor Returns to UnSignpost Office, Demands to Know Whereabouts of Bundt Cake By Gerrycheevers This week Active Lead UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers stumbled back onto the Uncyclopedia scene amid much celebration and hooplah. While settling down to his usual routine of getting UnSignpost issues polished off stylishly late, he noticed that his office at the UnSignpost wing of Uncyclopedia had been raided, and his delicious bundt cake had been mercilessly stolen. Gerry immediately declared a halt to the UnSignpost presses, which involved Sockpuppet of an unregistered user using several pints of holy water and a rubber chicken, in order to plea for the safe return of his tasty cake. Please, mystery pastry thief, don't leave Mr. Cheevers cakeless and hungry!

Check out these pages! Village Dump becomes worship house for John Stamos Most Inappropriate Smackdown on a Serious Topic Ever* Kanye West sucks cock From our logs: 08:15, September 11, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Klauston (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(well now, it seems I CAN be assed to ban page blanking fucktards. who'd'a thunk it?) 15:45, September 14, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.246.126.149 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Blanker: Go blank yourself! Hah! Do you see what I did there? I'm a font of wit.) 23:08, September 17, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.51.144.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Hades was a giant homo who got his shit owned by Hercules, and the only thing you and he will ever have in common is your colossal failure.) Biopic of the Week Since emerging violently from the brain cavity of ThomasPynchonsLeftNut, the quick-witted and devilishly handsome GlobalTourniquet has made quite a name for himself on this silly wiki. With a Writer of the Month victory in July, GT's expert songwriting, strong way with prose, and status as a film connoisseur make him a solid addition to the Uncyc workforce. Old School Featured Article of the Week Humosexuals are individuals who compulsively tell jokes in an effort to engage in the physical act of love. Oftentimes the subject of scorn and the object of violent hunting games in Medieval England, humosexuals have begun to make a name for themselves in contemporary society. Benny Hill (pictured) was perhaps the most famous humosexual, as his antics involving the combination of small vegetables, projectile physics, and the cleavage of buxom females were well recorded. Gerry's Thumbs Up of the Week I'd like to recognize The Woodburninator, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays, Guildensternenstein, and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user for feeding my pet rabbit, Alpheratz, during my unexplained absence. Also I suppose they should mention their efforts in keeping the UnSignpost afloat during that same time period, but this box is mostly in recognition of bunny maintenance.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

This would've gotten here last week, but it's my firs week as paperboy and I got lost. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:39, September 22, 2009 (UTC)

what's the UU situation nowadays?

so i'm trying to make a smooth comeback here, because a crash comeback is apparently ineffective. anyway, i've started with the unsignpost. what's your uncyc involvement level? can you donate a story sometimes? a UU obscure british dialect expression of the week? perhaps some crumpets? are you doing adminly duties, or can i provoke you into doing some writing? if i keep asking questions, will you hit me with a wrench? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 01:53, September 23, 2009 (UTC)

Hello Gerald, good to see you around again. I am busy. Busy busy busy. Work is a major pain again, and now I'm trying to buy a house! So I'm a mite less active than I'd like to be (the ckecking's still backed up, for instance, although I plan to blitz that friday). That said, I still love the USP, and was hoping against hope that someone would rescue it, because I'm just not in a position to. I'll chip in an article whenever I can, and will drop off ideas when I come up with them. If you remember, could you add a link to the latest ish under "things to watch" in my memory? That might give me the kick I need to contribute some news-juice. Now it's off to bed - mortgage hassles await on the morrow! --UU - natter 22:31, Sep 23

well the gents have been getting issues together for the past month, but i figured i'd give it the extra cheevers kick. good luck finding an acceptable dwelling for the missus with sewer access reasonably close for you. i'll feel free to pester you if i want some good old "colour" in an issue. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 22:51, September 23, 2009 (UTC)

And if you want any pink you know who to call. Seriously though I'd like to become more active with the USP, I just never know what to write about. So if you've got an idea and not the time give me a poke. and a fiver. Or both, I don't mind if you pay for sex.    Orian57    Talk   22:55 23 September 2009

Narny narny nar narr

I have more features than you again. And you suck gash narny narny nar nar! :P (please engage me in a race to the top of HS, it'll either make or break Uncyclopedia.) You suck gash!    Orian57    Talk   23:04 23 September 2009

You have more features? Like, you have a second nose, or something? And why would I want to race? At my current rate, I'll have my next feature in January - I'm not sprinting to the top of any leaderboard soon. Unless it's the "admin who's deleted most ICU'd pages this year" leaderboard, or something. Narnia narnia nar whatever. --UU - natter 15:54, Sep 24

Hurumph, you're no fun. However final destination 4 is brilliant, lavishly ironic. I just love the whole series.    Orian57    Talk   15:58 24 September 2009

I've never been fun. I still have no idea why you hang around this page. Tell you what: I'll race you to one featured picture. I win! Next... Actually, how about I race you to 200 reviews? ;-) --UU - natter 16:03, Sep 24

But you've got such a huge headstart! And I don't hang around here for fun, I just like, being your... pet?    Orian57    Talk   16:17 24 September 2009

Yeah, but I'm averaging one review a month, so catching and overtaking me will be easy - right? Also: do I have to get a license for you then? --UU - natter 21:17, Sep 25

Thanks!

My little grey cells, zey 'ave solved ze case! Necropaxx would very much like to thank you for uncovering who the real murderer was. "If not for your 'elp, mon ami, I fear zat Monsieur Murderer might 'ave escaped." Double thanks for making this my tenth feature! Woo!

Thanks for enjoying it in spite of its length. :) • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 18:37, Sep 24

Don't give me back Acme Looniversity

Actually...I don't want the page that got huffed back, instead I thought of having a page called Tiny Toons instead since that was their school and stuff, so there will be an article on that instead.MrCleveland 19:57, September 24, 2009 (UTC)

OK. I like the ones I don't have to do anything about. --UU - natter 21:18, Sep 25

So I've just been thinking

When your kid is trying to learn your name -- and she has dribble all over her face and crayons in her mouth and ear, it'll sound like Pew Pew. LOL!!!    Orian57    Talk   19:46 25 September 2009

Yes. Because that is my real name. Just like Orian is yours. If you sign anything else on your job applications, it's misrepresentation. Just thought you should know. --UU - natter 21:21, Sep 25

Don't talk to me about jobs. It's the polish. Or the Packies. Or the somethings. It's not my fault. Honest to god, I keep hearing that -- as a vote of sympathy! -- anytime I have to say I'm unemployed. And I'm on this "Gateway to Work" course thing, with all these people -- men, real men, with footballs and dreams of manual labour -- mentioning over and over again the same statistic of polish migrants and and how if they all left everything would be wonderful -- they're horrible. At least I'm willing to take some responsibility. I lack confidence and I was too lazy to start applying the minute I left school. That's down to me. Now that I'm actually trying I keep getting regected, which is the facist employers. And in a little while I'm gonna be put on a work placement for thirteen weeks, working for well under the minimum wage. At least that'll be valid experiance but still irritating. Anyway after that rant I think I'm going to bed now. Or maybe kill some zombies.    Orian57    Talk   22:51 25 September 2009

UnSignpost: September 24th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

September 24th, 2009 • Issue 65 • The Newspaper that Oscar Wilde Might Read Were He Still Among the Living

UnSignpost Subscriber List Trimmed; Remaining Subscribers Urged to Archive Issues, Settle Outstanding Bills, Refrain from Tipping Paperbots By Gerrycheevers This week, the hideously long UnSignpost subscription list was hacked down even further than The Woodburninator and others apparently hacked it down several months ago. This has resulted in a mass decline in the number of useless edits performed by paperbots and brave, bored souls who have nothing better to do than manually edit dozens of userpages on a weekly basis. The dregs that were cast off included those who have not registered an edit in six months, those who are permanently banned or close to it, and those with large, scary dogs that prevent paperbots from completing their routes unchewed. The remaining faithful readers are asked to archive their talk pages if they are excessively long due to many hilarious editions of the UnSignpost, as paperbots are slowed down by the large load times of such pages, and paper-delivering users are likely to be distracted by uproarious back issues. Subscribers are also reminded that the monthly fee for talkpage delivery is seven Uncyclopedia credits. Extremely outdated Uncyclopedia currency, such as Yoinxx, will be subject to exceedingly unfair conversion rates. On a final note, readers are implored to avoid tipping paperbots, as it seems any sort of regular income tends to give robots inklings of sentience, and the last thing we need is Fnoodle organizing the paperbots into a rudimentary union again. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein It was another exciting week of UFFL action this past Sunday, with 75% of the league’s games qualifying as “blowouts.” Sternensteinenstine bested DiBiase’s Millions 161.54 to 78.94, with the one-two Nazi punch of Drew Brees and Chris Johnson outscoring their helpless opponents alone. The John Curry All Stars had similar success with the Philip Rivers-Marques Colston-Frank Gore combination, and knocked out Cheddar’s Doritians 123.74 to 71.64 in the fourth round. The bout between Domestic Team Name and Oklahoma City Storm went the distance, with Domestic “Team” Name coming away with the split decision 78.14 to 77.28. Finally, Frankreich “The Dude” Zappino demolished his opponent 126.42 to 0.00 in a spectacular first round knockout due to the fact that LL was once again unable to select his starting roster. Standings: Sternensteinenstienenstern (2-0) The Stoners (2-0) John Curry’s Angles (2-0) Domestic Violence (2-0) Sun Chips (0-2) Oklahoma City Bombing (0-2) DeGrasse Goes to Vegas (0-2) The Loserz (0-2)

Check out these pages! The Pay-Per-View Event of the Fortnight! Here. Have a page with so many pictures, it takes forever to load. You're welcome. Urination, small furry rodents, and why Modus has another court date Tuesday. From our logs: 16:19, September 20, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.235.107.11 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Stop being a pain in my tender place) 18:52, September 21, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Arse bandit (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎(Your ban time is six months. I'll give you 10 dollars if you can hold your breath the entire time.) 14:53, September 22, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.17.99.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(oi, no blanking, no stupid redirecting, no crappy pages about people we don't care about, and no ugly nerds. you fail on all counts.) 11:57, September 24, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Abdul321 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Lebanon is a little Kiosk between Israel and Syria. Get over it.) Biopic of the Week Bouncing back and forth between Uncyclopedia and Illogicopedia has been Hindleyite's specialty for some time now. With his in-depth reports on traffic laws, street crime, and sports officiating video games, this banana-eating ite from Hindley is sure to keep Uncyclopedians on their toes for a long time to come. Old School Featured Article of the Week Henchmen are an essential part of any mastermind super-villian's overall business portfolio. Generally, success in plans of world domination, protagonist death, and damsel distress have success ratios directly correlated to the number, competence, and, to a lesser extent, wardrobe snappiness of a bad guy's henchmen. Pointless Nostalgia of the Week We miss when Cajek and Skull would write for the UnSignpost. Those 4+ issues they churned out were golden. You'd be reading and then - all of a sudden - WHAM, a joke would hit you, and Cajek would be all like, "oh my god, it was so dark, and i didn't see him, and he just jumped out in front of me!" Really Small Box That Takes Up Just Enough Space To Even Out Both Sides of This Issue of the UnSignpost of the Week, Because Symmetry Looks Nice Believe it or not, the one above this one.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 16:03, September 26, 2009 (UTC)

I just had a brain fart

And I think that our 2009-2010 project should be Mass Effect. ~ 19:15, September 27, 2009 (UTC)

Well, maybe. Not sure what kind of angle to take with that one, TBH. Plus it hasn't had the kind of popular culture exposure that other games have, making it quite a hard sell. Don't suppose you like the sound of English Accents: from the American perspective, there are two - posh (upper class twit) and common (cockney). Oh, and whatever that woman on Frasier is meant to be doing, so 3. Wait, Scottish - 4. And Irish - 5. Plus a guide to Hollywood representations thereof. It's an idea I've had kicking around for a while and not done anything with, and it would probably help to get Johnny Foreigner's perspective on it, ,what? --UU - natter 19:40, Sep 27

That seem to me like a really English sort of article and being a Johnny Foreigner myself, it'll be a bit problematic. Maybe we write about gays in Scotland? ~ 19:49, September 27, 2009 (UTC)

Fair enough, maybe it needs an American perspective. I like your idea though. Maybe we write about their constant neediness? --UU - natter 20:02, Sep 27

We'll need to interview Orian. You think he'll play along? ~ 20:11, September 27, 2009 (UTC)

Needy!? I am not needy, I'm unloved. There's a difference of sorts. It is horrible up here though. There is no scene. There is no love. There is no warmth. It's a giant barren cunt of a country and I want out! I'm sure that'll give you shovel fulls of laughs.    Orian57    Talk   20:47 27 September 2009

Wow, that gives unlimited comedic potential. Although with the opportunity to cover points from a fabulous pink and orange tartan to a slightly more effeminate Highland games, via the true origins of the kilt and sporran and so forth, we might just be able to squeeze an article out of it by about this time next year. Wanna go for it? --UU - natter 11:26, Sep 28

Oh I see. Fine. Be like that.    Orian57    Talk   11:34 28 September 2009

Well OK then, I will. --UU - natter 15:19, Sep 28

"Well OK the, I will" What are you, six?    Orian57    Talk   16:20 28 September 2009

I know you are, you said you are, but what am I? --UU - natter 17:16, Sep 28

My Mummy says that your Daddy's a lesbian. Narny narny nar nar!    Orian57    Talk   18:32 28 September 2009

Yeah? Well, whoever smelled it dealt it. --UU - natter 18:35, Sep 28

Yeah well I'm gonna do a poo in your mouth!    Orian57    Talk   19:16 28 September 2009

/me bursts through door. an american perspective, you say? why, i'm an american, and i'm capable of a fair amount of perspecting. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 23:42, September 27, 2009 (UTC)

Oh crikey, 'ang on, would that mean me actually writing something? My approach to collabs is, er, considered. If you're cool with that, and you like the idea, then I'd love to work with you on something other than the Signpost Gerry. Just don't expect it to get finished sometime soon. --UU - natter 11:26, Sep 28

Pee Review purgation

In an attempt to shorten the Pee Review queue without actually doing any work, I've started being all italic and nominating crappy articles from the queue on VFD. I figure that if I were to review an article and I wouldn't have anything more to say than "this sucks, start over or give up" (like I did with Raka), I might as well put it on VFD and let the community say in a few votes what I would spend an in-depth review telling them, thus freeing up the queue for articles that have a shot at improvement. Just thought I'd tell you to see what you think, and so you don't get the impression that I'm trying to scare your customers away. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 21:33, September 27, 2009 (UTC)

Also, can you explain what to do about this? Making this Pee Review page is the user's only contribution, and while the text on the page would make a mediocre-but-keepworthy UnNews article, I doubt the author's going to come back or even care what happens. My executive function is totally failing as to how to handle this. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 21:45, September 27, 2009 (UTC)

About the Burt Reynolds thing - I'd put that on QVFD, as it's not a review request. I've deleted it with a hopefully helpful note in case they do come back. As to nominating crappy articles on VFD, that's less good. We've had articles kept before because they were waiting for a review, and the comments on VFD are rarely any help to anyone genuinely looking to improve their article. How do you think it would feel to a new editor who has put their article up for review hoping to get some helpful tips on improving, and instead it suddenly gets nommed for deletion? Not going to encourage them to stick around and improve, is it? Granted, many crap articles that get reviewed never get improved, which is disheartening. But some do, so we can't dismiss all the "poor" articles out of hand, you never know where the next good writer is going to emerge from. Besides, the queue seems to go in cycles - it gets longer, someone goes on a rampage, it gets shorter. I've been watching it for over 2 years now, and it's happened several times. I have no doubt it will happen again. So don't do this. By all means remove anything doing well on VFH, but don't nom for deletion while it's up for review. --UU - natter 11:47, Sep 28

Okay, my reasoning was that if I would never review a certain article then I shouldn't impose on someone else to review it. It seems to me that the "undesirables" will sit at the bottom of the queue until some poor fool picks them up. When I reviewed Raka, it was at the bottom and the second-to-last request was days younger than it, so people were obviously avoiding it. But I'll stop since you asked so politely. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 14:56, September 28, 2009 (UTC)

Also, for the record, other requests I prefer to skip over completely are ones where the it's not the author making the request but rather someone who likes the article but hasn't worked on it, and any request by <insert name here>. Man, I hate that guy. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 15:09, September 28, 2009 (UTC)

I agree with the second point there - I was very close to closing that request myself, and I might yet, if my mood gets worse. But I appreciate you leaving the other requests alone - I know more than most that it can be a chore reviewing the crap when it doesn't get acted on (I'd say half of the reviews I've ever done never got acted on, that's 75-odd wastes of my time). But several times, I have been surprised, and a decent little article has emerged following some decent advice - and I'd like to think that a few little diamonds are worth sorting through a chunk of silt for. --UU - natter 15:18, Sep 28

I have to apologise firstly as I have not kept up with the output of reviews myself, <bullshit> simply as I have a real life. </bullshit> One thing that I would like to see is when older member's of the community do the adoption thingy, that they are the ones to go through and review their adoptee's work. I haven't been here long enough to feel like adopting - my psuedo adopting is enough for me - and I was never adopted - because some bugger from England turned me down - but it seems to me that as a symbiotic relationship it makes sense that the first few reviews for a n00b come from one source - preferably a style that the n00b likes - so they can mould and shape and bleagh. It also means that more important stuff (ie, mine) gets reviewed a little faster. Pup t 22:54, 29/09/2009

It happens - most people do a flurry of reviews for maybe a month or two, then calm down, particularly if, during that month or two, they win the RotM award. Despite my best efforts with awards and top tens and the like, most people kinda tail off after that. Even I'm doing one a month at best at present. I am considering suggesting to active members a kind of review queue "blitz" though, because there is a bit of a backlog. My suggestion will be: all active members (about 15, at a rough guess) do 2 reviews each this weekend. That should cut the queue right down to size. How does that sound? --UU - natter 13:46, Sep 30

I'll do it. that'll earn me the diamond dumper.    Orian57    Talk   13:49 30 September 2009

I know I'm butting my nose in (is that a mixed metaphor?), but I agree very strongly with UU. If someone is looking for help by requesting a Pee Review, slapping them with VFD is just that, a slap in the face. For example, the first article I posted here was very crappy. But some user or other posted some very helpful comments on my talk page (nicely saying it's crap but here's a place you can go for suggestions on making it better), and then did a Pee Review (basically saying it's no longer completely crap), and then after I improved it yet again, voted for it on VFH. Had someone simply VFD'd it, I might have simply left this site. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:12, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

Herr Unter Benutzer

It was villen goot to work with you on der artikel. And I'd like to say danke schon on ze zehr fun ve had.

Also, it gave me an idea to do a reskin of Üncyclopedia, the Germanic Encyclopedia that anyone can edit for the glory of the fatherland. What do you think?

Also, did you notice the FH template? ~ 08:04, September 30, 2009 (UTC)

Hello? Also, you anal bastard. Thank you for cleaning after me. ~ 09:00, October 2, 2009 (UTC)

Hello. I'm going to miss having that as an ongoing in-joke. I think our next in-joke should be taking a year to think what our next collab should be! Ja, I saw zer template, zehr gut, mein freund. I think the reskin would have been fun to tie in with the day it was featured, but without something to link it in to, it'd just look a bit odd for no real reason. Plus I'm no good at reskins. Still, if you can think of something to link it to then let me know! --UU - natter 16:21, Oct 3

UU! I'm skiving off of my work placement to edit Uncyclopedia!

I feel like a real uncyclopedian! so yeah, whats up? still horrendously busy or can you give some quick insult about how I'm needy and scottish and things? Not that I am but you get the idea.    Orian57    Talk   13:19 30 September 2009

I'll sub for him as he is incredibly busy. You're a needy Scottish. Stop being so gay. ~ 13:37, September 30, 2009 (UTC)

What he said, with an added correction of your typo. Gotta dash! --UU - natter 13:48, Sep 30

you make me sad. Here I am taking time out of my busy life to talk to you and you're just bullies. :(    Orian57    Talk   13:50 30 September 2009

You're right. We're so low we're not good enough even as Haggis filling. ~ 13:58, September 30, 2009 (UTC)

Fee fi fo fum! I smell the blood of an Unglushmun!    Orian57    Talk   14:02 30 September 2009

UnBan

Hey, could you release Roman Dog Bird's ban? I left an important message on his talk page regarding, well, swastikas and an apology. Also, I don't see why he isn't doing anything good. Sure, he doesn't make a single fucking article, but he's one hell of banner. In fact, this wiki would be full of spam without him.-Almost Sir Random Crap

Admins can unban themselves. RDB's an admin right?    Orian57    Talk   20:52 1 October 2009

• 09:39, 1 October 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 75.47.144.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (1. don't piss around with other people's talk pages. 2. RDB does a lot of good work around were. 3. we ain't wikipedia, bub. 4. get get get get get over it.)
• 19:31, 1 October 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) changed block settings for 75.47.144.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (anonymous users only, account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) ‎ (Me? Good work? Bullshit! So, Mr. 75.47.144.132. WHY HAVEN'T YOU BANNED ME YET, LIKE YOU'VE SAID YOU'RE GONNA?!?! DO IT, FAGGOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
• 21:10, 1 October 2009, Under user (Talk | contribs | block) blocked #44100 (expires 21:10, 2 October 2009, account creation blocked) (Autoblocked because your IP address has been recently used by "Roman Dog Bird". The reason given for Roman Dog Bird's block is: "Never doing ANY good work around here. Is that betterer?")
• 21:11, 1 October 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) resurrected Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Yes it is, but now I have to delete some gay ass shit that some dweeb just put up.)

Any questions? --UU - natter 21:39, Oct 1

No, master admin. I only have one comment: I'm going to kill 75.47.144.132.-Almost Sir Random Crap

You do know that if 75.47.144.132 turns up dead you're a valid suspect. death threts in writing, bud, you gotta be careful.    Orian57    Talk   22:01 1 October 2009

He's probably trapped in his basement all day, I doubt anybody sane murderer would waste time killing him.-Almost Sir Random Crap

I got banned once... it was a Thursday. --ChiefjusticeDS 22:04, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Oh that only works if you don't ask for it. Like I'm not asking for a ban now. because I'm not looking for any attention.    Orian57    Talk   22:06 1 October 2009

I don't want to be banned, I'm a useful and productive uncyclopedian! I was just reflecting on that one time, and how I had to go and lie down because I was so shocked. I thought it would never happen to me! --ChiefjusticeDS 22:12, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Oh and while you're here, do you like my new picture?

Aren't I adoreable?

   Orian57    Talk   22:17 1 October 2009

Stunning. --ChiefjusticeDS 22:20, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Is no one going to question this? I know there's nothing wrong with infantalism but it's weird, right? I'm not normal. Right?    Orian57    Talk   22:30 1 October 2009

Orian, no-one is going to look twice at your passion for putting things into your mouth and sucking them, sorry to say. And as for infantalism, everyone who has a SP avatar has just put themselves into the place of a third/fourth/fifth grade animated character, and if you're looking for weirdness on Uncyclopedia, you've come to the right place. (Having said that, it is a cute avatar.) Pup t 22:47, 3/10/2009

Cute, cute -- that's all I wanted.    Orian57    Talk   00:03 4 October 2009

A word from your new insect computer WotM

Thank you so much

for supporting my nomination for Writer of the Month.

I would like to take this opportunity to announce my shift away from writing. The reason is very simple.

As the intelligence of the average Internet user has exponentially decayed, Internet media in general has seen major paradigm shifts, from newsgroups to webcomics to lolcats. Clearly writing is dying, and Photoshop is taking its place. Visual puns such as the one at left are just as funny, and take massively less effort.
Get it? MacMania? A Macintosh wearing a Scottish kilt (because the username begins with "Mac") gone mad (and therefore transformed into a Dalek)? Oh, forget it, I'm sticking to writing.

---

Thanks for the vote! Sir MacMania GUN—[23:02 1 Oct 2009]

Name change

Just got a reply from Sannse, who says that user names are permanent. I'll act out via signature--I sporked yours, but it took a long time to learn the double-brace trick. Spιke|(talk) 01:54, October 2, 2009 (UTC)

PS--Of course, first I searched your user page to see if I had corresponded with you here before, and the first hit was the {Username} trick, above ("I hate that guy") and it took a full 30 seconds to realize the obvious explanation. I'm so defensive!

Pretty much everyone has fallen for {{username}} at one point or another. Me possibly less than some because people so rarely call me Under user - it's the capitalisation as much as anything... Anyway, I figured that would be the case, but that sig should get people calling you Spike anyway. You just need to use it properly now - here's how: go to the "my preferences" tab, and in the signature box put {{SUBST:nosubst|User:SpikeFromNH/nameofpagewhereyoursigcodeiskept}}, then tick the "custom signature" box underneath it. Scroll to the bottom of the page to save your changes, and job's a good one, and you don't put all that code in a page every time you sign it. Like the sig, by the way, minimalism is good! --UU - natter 08:27, Oct 2

I had taken you off my watchlist, but returned here to ask you that exact question! I had already found "My preferences," of course. (I didn't actually sculpt those color boxes into your talk page!) But I did notice that my code was inserted into your page, whereas other users got double-brace syntax that is both more concise and is likely to pick up future changes to their signatures. (Being a veteran of runoff, I assumed the answer was to type 3 or 4 braces.) SUBST had already somehow been added to the filename I typed in Preferences, but nosubst had not. This will be a test. By the way, I found no Help on the My preferences forms--Is this deliberate? User:SpikeFromNH/signature 12:04, October 2, 2009 (UTC)

Again, most people have a little fun when they try making their first sig. Looks like your test worked, nice one! As to the Help thing, you probably won't find much help where it would actually be helpful, possibly due to Wikia sucking, possibly not. Anyway, there's UN:HELP, which occasionally has some answers you might find useful. Beyond that, the best way to find something out is to ask someone. You can always ask me - if I can't answer, I'll just go bug someone who can! --UU - natter 12:08, Oct 2

Oh, and there's UN:SIG for general sig related thingies. --UU - natter 12:10, Oct 2

You're right again, the help on signatures (and how not to go crazy with them) is good. I either read the start of Help for Beginners and got to work, or didn't read it at all, thinking my stripes at Wikipedia were sufficient. Thanks. User:SpikeFromNH/signature 01:04, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

Wikipe-tan

The article Wikipe-tan is still under construction. May I get back the source page for futher editing? Thanks!

SoHome Jacaranda Lilau 20:59, October 2, 2009 (UTC)

Looks like...

...your "hey, guys, let's actually do Pee Reviews" thing is working, like, really well. Nice. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:23, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

Yeah. I did one tonight, and I'll do the other one Saturday. Good thinking there, UU. "Under User calls out the cavalry. The pee cavalry." USP material? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 07:17, Oct 3

Can you make people vote on VFD too? There are currently only three people voting. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 15:44, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

Uhh, I still vote. Regularly. And I now feel hurt and undervalued, so no. (What can I do to make people vote? It'll pick up again soon enough, same as the rest of the site). --UU - natter 16:44, Oct 3

I'd vote, but I forgot to. /Dex begins reading crap for two hours while listening to Tupac. (Cause Pac is fuckin' gangsta.) MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 16:47, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

I know you vote, UU. I know you do. But what I meant was that at the the time of posting, there were a good ten or so noms on there that only had votes from those three guys, and maybe a vote from someone like you or me or some weirdo. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 04:31, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

USP material indeed! if we could get someone to deliver it...SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 04:16, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

Remove VFH nom

Hey, are you able to remove the VFH nom for Uncyclopedia:VFH/UnTunes:Goodbye facebook screen? Author request (See comments, blah). Otherwise I might have to start a campaign of voting against, and that would suck. Pup t 22:50, 3/10/2009

Dude, I totally did that for you. Also, this isn't my talkpage. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 23:01, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

True, but these ease also the only paige eye no with a spill cheque Pup t 23:39, 3/10/2009

Spelchek is dum. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 07:56, October 4, 2009 (UTC)

True as a general rule, but this spellcheck is intelligently selective. Also, this is my talkpage - how did that happen? --UU - natter 16:12, Oct 4

I don't know. I'm just here because the blue background really brings out the red in my eyes. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 18:16, October 4, 2009 (UTC)

It brings out your varicose veins as well - at least put a robe on if you're going to strut around here! --UU - natter 09:22, Oct 5

It's almost time, you sexy judge you

Poo Lit ends on the 18st. After that, from 19-25rd, you have to judge (leave your choices here by the start of the 26st). Before that, keep an eye on your category. I'm not saying all Uncyclopedians will cheat and steal to win the coveted Poo Lit Surprise. What I'm saying is all Uncyclopedians will cheat and steal to win the coveted Poo Lit Surprise. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 00:18, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

I'm ready. My "business partner", shady Derek, has my bribe rates advertised accordingly. They're very reasonable, because we are in a recession, after all. --UU - natter 09:25, Oct 5

Consume this cookie!

Modusoperandi has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

For being too on-the-ball. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 09:17, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

I guess I've just been looking forward to seeing that template on AE's page. Hope he at least sees it. --UU - natter 09:27, Oct 5

You have weird hopes. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 09:28, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

UU and AE up a tree K.I.S.S.I.N.G! First came love/ Second came marriage/ Third came the baby in a broken carriage! :P    Orian57    Talk   09:32 5 October 2009

Jealousy ill becomes you. --UU - natter 09:33, Oct 5

<Insert typical playground response here> :P    Orian57    Talk   14:20 5 October 2009

Thanks for your huff

Thanks for huffing Why do I need to provide this?/NotM thanks. I accidentally created the page without putting "User:" at the beginning. I was going to ask an admin to huff it, then got distracted and forgot. STUPID NOOB! :-) King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:21, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

We've all done it, and I was passing - no worries! Congrats on the deserved award, BTW. --UU - natter 18:23, Oct 5

request

A very helpful user here was showing me alternate templates for doing Pee Reviews, and nicely copied one here: User:Why?/Template:Pee. Unfortunately, this is part of my sxpxr sxcrxt sxckpxppxt (please don't tell an admin), and I copied it to my user space. Could you huff User:Why?/Template:Pee for me? (And seriously, some kind admin or other let me keep User:Why?--my brain wasn't working when I chose a user name that's 10 kilometers long. I often go there first, then when it redirects to my actual user page, copy and paste to sign in, start a new page on my user space, etc. It's very convenient, I'm thinking about changing my real user name to Why?, and it keeps me from playing on the street.) King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  00:36, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

Sure thing, Chief

And I'm not just saying that 'cause you could ban me. See, if that last assh-confused gentleman had approached me the way you did, I wouldn't have had to hand him such a brutal internet beatdown. (I am aware that there is no such thing. I said it for the lulz.) My congradulations to you for civility and understanding. If anything, you won the game.

Though I understand that dick jokes are basically a language for immature brats, I would like to remind that they can be funny in the right context. E.G., our penis article is longer than Longcat. And Longcat is LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG.

I'll try to re-double my humorous efforts, possibly center my jokes more around... AngelCunts. It's GENIOUS. DemonDick 01:28, October 6, 2009 (UTC)

OK, good luck with that. I agree - a good dick joke still has its place in the world - hell, Kevin Smith made a career out of them! But as I say, we get so many poor ones, we almost forget that. --UU - natter 19:09, Oct 5

UnSignpost: October 1st, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

October 1st, 2009 • Issue 66• Now With 40% More Pictures of Cats with Humorous Captions!

Users Turn to PLS to Rescue Uncyclopedia from Decay, Doom, Worstness By Gerrycheevers The Eighth Semi-Annual Poo Lit Surprise Writing Competition & Brownie Bake-Off begins this Monday, October 5th when Olipro emerges from his house. If he is frightened by his shadow, writers are required to send him love letters; otherwise, writers have two weeks to squeeze all of the humor they can out of their mostly insignificant humor glands. This year's categories include Best Article, Best Illustrated Article, Best Kanye Joke, and Best Rewrite. The list of judges includes both esteemed Uncyclopedia veterans and former PLS winners; they will be sequestered in a two-star hotel for the duration of the competition in order to ensure the most convenient environment for receiving bribes. This year's PLS Master of Ceremonies and Executive in Charge of Parking, Modusoperandi, humbly expressed optimism when asked about the quality of this installment: "This Poo Lit will be the Greatest PLS ever," said Mr. Operandi exclusively. "Anyone who says otherwise is as much of a liar as they are dumb, and they are plenty dumb. Ergo, they are also plenty liar. That made more sense in my head." Other users, who wished to remain anonymous since they regularly read the unflattering commentary often associated with being quoted in the UnSignpost, expressed hope that the PLS would revive the life-support-laden VFH and also stimulate the lagging Uncyclopedia economy. Users Agree: 'Uncyclopedia is the Boringest' By Gerrycheevers This week, Uncyclopedia users denounced the recent lack of activity on the wiki. Necropaxx initiated the conversation, noting that activity on VFH, similar to the pants of the 'hip' crowd, has dropped to unacceptably low levels. Other users have responded, and the general consensus does indeed seem to be that overall, the site's quality has dropped below acceptable levels. Not since June '07, November '07, February '08, August '08, December '08, March '09, and May '09 has Uncyclopedia seen such a blatant claim that the entire website will imminently burst into a ball of some sort, with 'flame' being the most likely sort of ball. Trusted UnSignpost undercover investigative reporter, DogNewspaper (pictured), infiltrated one such group of doom-saying users in order to obtain some first-hand declarations of the impending death throes of the wiki. "Yeah, with the number of quality articles readily available, I'd give Uncyclopedia two months at the most until it is absorbed into another humor website," said one user. Further commentary from this group of users was unavailable, as undercover investigative reporter DogNewspaper's cover was at this point compromised, as his unwavering loyalty to Uncyclopedia caused him to seize the infidel user's lower leg in his mouth and shake his head viciously. Please stay with the UnSignpost for up-to-the-week coverage of the impending(?) death of Uncyclopedia.

Check out these pages! Features and Self-Loathing on Uncyclopedia An all-time Uncyclopedia mystery explained in agonzing detail Get your monthly dose of religious oppression! From our logs: 17:54, September 27, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.233.10.123 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month (Under Uncyclopedia emergency act (1976) I hereby revoke your editing priveleges) 20:55, September 27, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 58.166.95.119 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (only two kinds blank Texas: steers and queers. and steers find it hard to use the internet so I guess that narrows things down a little, doesn't it?) 21:42, September 29, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 91.203.96.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(Hates me for some reason. Even though I happen to be the nicest man who ever lived. It's true, ask Richard Nixon.) Biopic of the Week Since exploding onto the Uncyclopedia scene in 2007, MacMania has developed into a fine-tuned humor machine. His recent writing endeavors have earned him a Writer of the Month nod, and as such, he is certainly a user worthy of biopication. His current sabbatical makes UnSignpost editors sad, but perhaps a constant spamming of his userpage with pleas to return will accelerate his comeback. UnSignpost readers, away! Old School Featured Article I Can't Believe it's Not Murder is the preferred alternative of first degree murder that celebrities, famous sports stars, politicians, and otherwise prominent individuals take advantage of in courts of law. It is similar to being found guilty of first degree murder, though this version avoids the undesirable consequences such as jail time, fines, probation, and the unsightly community service. Random Thought of the Week Dippin' Dots have been the ice cream of the future for like ten years. Shouldn't they be the ice cream of the present by now?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Late deliver courtesy of MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:07, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the beer

Thank you for offering to buy me a beer for my doing Pee Reviews! But I'll warn you, I'm very particular about the beer I drink. If it comes in a can, it doesn't come in my mouth. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:56, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

Woah, dejá-vu. You only need to say it once, dude! --UU - natter 21:01, Oct 5

I put it both on my talk page and yours because some people (like me) sometimes forget to check for responses on someone else's talk page. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  21:04, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

Not me - if I leave a message, I always watchlist the page and keep an eye on it. Posting the same conversation on two pages can lead to confusion. I'm confused right now, although at my age, that's nothing special. --UU - natter 08:42, Oct 6

I have trouble welcoming new people--do I need counseliing?

I've tried putting the welcome template on a few unwelcomed noobs' pages, and it comes up as "Hello, {{subst:BASEPAGENAME}}...." instead of showing their user name. I even tried doing this on a test page under my user name, and even saved it did the same thing. But when I just tried previewing it here on this very talk page, it showed up as "Hello, Under user...." Can you tell me Why? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  21:08, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

You can see what I'm talking about at User:Why do I need to provide this?/test. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  21:13, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

Have you tried using the javascript tool? If not instructions for the various ones available can be found here. Try those first, they may be far more simple than what you are currently trying. If you are trying those then, Hi, I'm ChiefjusticeDS and I like PEE. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:18, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

I appreciate the thought, but that's a dead link. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  21:25, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

Crud, hang on, go to UN:WC, then click on where it says, "for a list of useful tools when welcoming new users". That should magically teleport you to the page I was aiming at. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:29, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

I'm a little nervous about playing with magic, but I'll try it. Thanks (although if the standard welcome template is broken, it should still be fixed). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  21:31, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

Here's how it is: Preview is wonky, and you need to SUBST: the template to get all the code in it to work correctly. SUBSTing welcome templates is also good because it makes it look like maybe, just maybe, you're an actual person and not just a bot who slapped a template on their page and left. If UU were still with us today, I'm sure he'd agree. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 21:32, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

OK, so you mean I use {{SUBST:Welcome}}, right? I want to write my own version in any case, so would that be {{SUBST:User:Why do I need to provide this?/Welcome}}, assuming of course that's the name of my welcome page? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  21:50, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

Maybe. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 22:20, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

I think you'll find that if I had been around at that time last night, I'd have been saying "js? Talk to Spang - that's so not my thang." My auto welcome script died some time ago, and I haven't bothered to fix it. On the rare occasions I welcome someone, I just type the subst thingy in - takes about a second anyway. What the hell. --UU - natter 08:34, Oct 6

Thanks for all of your help. I've welcome a boat load of people now, and it's working just fine (even though no one's ever responded--why do so many people take the trouble of making an account and then never make any edits? I don't get it). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:34, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

There is no Cannibal

There is no Cannibal. The Cannibal do not exist. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 05:06, October 6, 2009 (UTC)

Oh-kayyyy. --UU - natter 08:43, Oct 6

At least when I harrass you it's about something.    Orian57    Talk   09:43 6 October 2009

"Plunger" is gone!

I was trying to help User talk:Psybergirl74 with this (originally as a shameless attempt to reduce the Help backlog to call attention to my name-change request) but she hasn't done anything here in the week allowed. Oh well. Spıke ¬  11:11, October 6, 2009 (UTC)

Separately, I notice that Community pages are not editable under this new user name. Will this correct itself after the four-day waiting period, or does someone have to intervene to give SPIKE the privileges that SpikeFromNH had? Spıke ¬  00:00, October 7, 2009 (UTC)

I would say it should correct itself - there are certainly no extra privilege groups your old username was part of that your new one isn't. And if you want the Plunger article back, all you have to do is ask - it went because it had the construction tag on and no edits in a week - it can easily be restored to userspace if the author returns to work on it. --UU - natter 08:14, Oct 7

Indeed, at the 96-hour mark, I was REBORN! and cast a couple of VFD votes to celebrate. Thanks, I do not want Plunger back--There are bigger fish to fry--but the new user had potential. My eyes wandered to the following section...is Mass Effect anything like Water Retention? Spıke ¬  02:36, October 8, 2009 (UTC)

I'm pretty sure we had that discussion before

But we need to discuss this once more as I'm going through Mass Effect again. Williams or T`soni? ~ 11:36, October 7, 2009 (UTC)

Well, I did try both, but it forces you to choose - sassenrassenfrassen... Went for 'em both on different playthroughs. I guess T'soni seemed more of a hippy and less of a God-botherer, and didn't come out with that "captain, my captain" crap... You? --UU - natter 20:27, Oct 7

Ah, I tend to agree, we are all for hippies. Especially those with blue skin. ~ 09:56, October 11, 2009 (UTC)

Jack Bauer Facts

"In case some overly grumpy admin takes offence"? It ain't about taking offence - only admins or poopsmiths remove VFD tags. Here's one good reason why: articles nommed for deletion without a delete tag are automatically kept as an invalid nom - so removing the tag could be an attempt to invalidate the vote, which is essentially cheating. While it's on VFD, the tag has to stay - deal with it. And asking if it's OK to remove it and then doing it without getting a response? Not good either. Have a little patience, Funnybony. You are lucky I don't ban you for that - consider this a strong warning. (But I'm not being grumpy, that's just how things work, OK?) --UU - natter 18:24, Oct 7

OK. you're right. It's done. Actually I was just trying to protect Uncyclopedia. I'm not sure if Jack Bauer has seen the VFD tag, but if he does, they'll be, ah, heck to pay? Thanks.--Funnybony 13:37, October 7, 2009 (UTC)

Now I checked the page and the VFD tag is GONE!? I didn't do that - I had put it back. So I don't want you to think I'm not following your directions. I don't want to get a ticket, or it will increase my insurance.--Funnybony 18:55, October 7, 2009 (UTC)

Check the revision history. UU closed the VFD nom. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:58, 7 October 2009

Yeah - I actually went to your talk page to explain that, but my 'puter crashed before I could save it, and I had to go do other stuff (kick lumps out of people at "soccer", mostly). --UU - natter 20:34, Oct 7

so i was just fucking around when i saw the huff log

and i was like "holy shit, look at all that crap UU huffed today" as i munched down a whole family-size pack of chips, then i thought "say, mahmush, how does UU find the time for all that adminy shit, beside his daytime job and his happy little family?" then i burped (deeply) and went to the ladies restroom and puked... how do you find the time, though? • FreddThe Redd • • • 19:57 October 8 '09

With SAVINGS!!!! --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 20:40, October 8, 2009 (UTC)

shut up. you're not thinkerer :) • FreddThe Redd • • • 20:44 October 8 '09

Well, generally my job involves a lot of waiting for stuff to compile, and while that's happening, there's not much other work I can do, so I come on here and ban 'tards until I can do work again. And I'm on more in the evenings because I am buying a house and have a child on the way and therefore have no money to go out and do anything else with any more. And my XBox is fucked. --UU - natter 19:20, Oct 9

Oh dude! That's hard news. :( I'm really building a relationship with my console. Like Halo, I properly started to get into that (as I mentioned earlier but below here) and I'm in the process of polishing off the last few achievements in Fallout 3, which I'll complete even if it kills me. GTA IV is up there too, especially with The Ballad of Gay Tony coming soon. And I recently found a few people to play Left 4 Dead (shameless link to something shameful) with and it's so much more fun with people. I have 11250 gamerscore.    Orian57    Talk   05:28 10 October 2009

Well, I'll be moving house soon, so it's not like I need the XBox - any other spare time at home not spent on Uncyc is spent on filling boxes with crap to take to the new place, store in the loft and never use. Oh, and signing lots of documents our solicitor sends us. Actually, my XBox is only partly fucked. It plays 3 of the 8 games I have. The others it either doesn't recognise as discs, or (far more amusingly) it thinks are DVDs. Why is that amusing? Well, because it tries to read them as DVDs, and they have a tiny bit of DVD content on them in case that happens: it displays a message that says "please insert this disc in an XBox 360 console". I find that amusing. I also have a gamerscore. I have absolutely no idea what it is. --UU - natter 13:17, Oct 12

That would annoy me alot more than it being completely fucked. And as for the gamerscore only fuckwits care so it's ok. Mine is definitly higher though so you suck, basically.    Orian57    Talk   16:35 12 October 2009

So UU was all Like Buy Chutzpah!

And I'm all like yeah ok maybe later and then later came and I was all like maybe I should buy Chutzpah and Amazon.co.uk was all like ok I'll give it to you for £6.95 and I'm all like OK and then I listened to it and all like man this Chutzpahs are amazing I'm gonna buy all their albums now. so yeah, awesome CD, ta for the recommendation.    Orian57    Talk   22:17 8 October 2009

here's a recommendation. Buy a manowar album, they're gay (as in homosexual) but very good —Mahmoosh (Talk•stalk•Boobs•Anus•Poop) 22:35 October 8 '09

Shut up fag (as in cigarette).    Orian57    Talk   22:36 8 October 2009

you calling me a cigarette? i'm really insulted *cries in a corner* —Mahmoosh (Talk•stalk•Boobs•Anus•Poop) 22:54 October 8 '09

Wow, you're such a pansy (as in flower). —Syndrome (Penis•Penis•Penis•Penis•Penis) 00:13, October 9, 2009 (UTC)

why, thank you —Mahmoosh (Talk•stalk•Boobs•Anus•Poop) 00:18 October 9 '09

Fuck (as in to have rough sex with) you.    Orian57    Talk   00:40 9 October 2009

would you give me a break? please, orian? —Mahmoosh (Talk•stalk•Boobs•Anus•Poop) 00:56 October 9 '09

Break (as in wear out from overuse)? —Syndrome (Penis•Penis•Penis•Penis•Penis) 03:12, October 9, 2009 (UTC)

Ok (as in yes I'll break you in) Giddy-up!    Orian57    Talk   03:55 9 October 2009

Cool, I'm glad you like it. It's still the only thing in my car CD player, and has been since I got it. These guys have been my fave band since 1992 when they released their first album. I've seen 'em over 30 times now. I realise this makes me sound kinda sad, but hey, when has that ever stopped me? If you do buy any more of their stuff, here's the order to do it in: 1. Earth vs The Wildhearts (an absolute fucking classic); 2. PHUQ; 3. The Wildhearts; 4. Don't Be Happy, Just Worry; 5. Fishing For Luckies; 6. The Wildhearts Must Be Destroyed. Here's what not to buy: Endless, Nameless (the sound of a band on far too much heroin, fighting with each other, and deciding that "unlistenable distortion" is a good production sound for an album). And if you ever get the chance, see them live - their rapport with the crowd is second to none, and you always get an amazing vibe at the gigs, hardcore fan or not. A mate who had never heard their stuff came to a gig with me the other year and came out with a stupid grin on his face proclaiming it the best gig he'd been to in years. I shall now stop my enthusiastic fanboy drivel, and go ban some people and delete some stuff. Good morning, everyone! --UU - natter 08:47, Oct 9

Woah dude, you forget, I'm not not normal: I hate live music. I much prefer the cleaned up synthesised and entirely unreal versions CDs provide. And 'gigs' are even worse. All those horrible, beautiful, sweating people polluting my air and enjoying themselves with their drink and their drugs -- asking me questions like "why, don't you want to dance?" and "come, on, why don't you just let go?" that I don't know how to answer! No matter how much I like these guys I could only come away from their show with an acute sense of relief and renewed hatred of my fellow bipeds. I'm sorry.    Orian57    Talk   16:36 9 October 2009

Hey, whatever floats your boat, although you don't tend to get too many beautiful people at Wildhearts gigs! Just remember, if you are serious about listening to more of their stuff, Earth Vs is excellent, Endless Nameless is almost unlistenable (and I say that as the kind of hardcore fan that has Japanese-only import versions of albums and fan-club-only limited edition releases and low-quality live bootlegs and whatnot). And that's all I'll say on the matter, because I could bore for my country talking about that band! Anyway, how's sunny Scotland? --UU - natter 19:30, Oct 9

Scotland? I dunno I import all my news from the real world. Sometimes you can smell the sunshine on the pages. With me personally it's much teh same as ever. Meaning nothing. Well a whole shit load of Halo (and Halo ODST), which I'd highly recommend. It took me a while to get into it properly but I need the gamerscore. And Halo ODST I'd recommend wither or not you're a fan of the series, it's just an all round solid game. My Uncyc life is dragging a bit, still have no idea for the PLS, well I do, but I doubt it'll work out brilliantly (or it will but people will realise it's the same as Neurotic) I'm also working on celebrating Halloween again this year. reasonably impressed with how teh first bit turned out. Let me know what you think as I finish it. Oh and I also bought this really good CD, 'Chutzpah!' by The Wildhearts, you ever heard of them?    Orian57    Talk   00:26 10 October 2009

Go here. Just sayin'. --UU - natter 18:58, Oct 15

You so didn't notice that, did you? It's only a free extra track for the album being given away free on their website for free. And it's only a good one. Not to worry. --UU - natter 09:26, Oct 18

Look, there's only so much of your talk page I can keep up with. As for the link and song, ta and I like it, not my favourite (that being a toss between "The Jackson Whites" and "You are proof... that I am too lazy to type out the whole title of this song") but still cool.    Orian57    Talk   15:34 18 October 2009

Good choices (mine are Mazel Tov Cocktail and John of Violence, although Jackson Whites takes off like a missile live. I was just buzzing on Zeen Requiem because when I posted that link, they'd said the song would be released the following day, then left a couple of cunning puzzle clues that die-hard fans who like puzzles (like, er, me) could solve to get the thing a day early. And I was the first to tell them I'd done it (they were worrying they'd made it too hard, apparently) so I was geeking out severely. Hey, it's what I am, why fight it? --UU - natter 17:48, Oct 19

Because it's weird and makes people nervouse. Sure it's all right here, nobody gives a fuck if you're an open Wildhearts fan. But, you know, small towns have small minds. I imagine it'd be like having tits in Iran. As for the rest of that shpeel, congratulations! And I like most of the album, John of Violence works really well when playing GTA IV The Lost and Damned (because the protagonists name is Johnny). Anyway, I've already moved on. Found out that Paramore released their new album. So I've probably fallen from grace quite severely now, I'd imagine.    Orian57    Talk   02:54 20 October 2009

Someone's stolen my Hebrew nickname and made it into a band?! What will I be called now?! D: -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 16:28, 18 Oct

Your Hebrew nickname is The Wildhearts? --UU - natter 21:34, Oct 18

No she actually read what I wrote. I'm really surprised you never picked up on it. Considering how gay for these guys you are and all.    Orian57    Talk   02:54 20 October 2009

Hey, are you okay?

I was looking at the ban logs and noticed that your ban reasons seem to be full of vitriol. Are you okay? I'm worried about you. Maybe you should take a break for a little while. Please consider my words. Thanks a lot. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Saturday, 23:46, Oct 10

Necropaxx, I think what you're seeing is UU being British. But if you're right, I hope UU is able to relieve his stress by spending some time with the missus and maybe playing a few games of soccer. —Syndrome (Penis•Penis•Penis•Penis•Penis) 02:26, October 11, 2009 (UTC)

Heh, I'm actually in a fairly decent mood at the moment, and not too strung out by work either. Most of those ban reasons were pretty well deserved - d'you see the drivel they'd been inflicting on our innocent servers? I try to match ban reasons to the contributions, when I can be bothered. Besides, I have a long way to go before my ban reasons are anywhere near as vitriolic as RDB's. But thanks for the concern! --UU - natter 09:35, Oct 11

Alright. I didn't actually check the backstories, but there were several ban reasons in a row that prompted the concern. But you're okay, so it's all good. Here, have a cookie:

Necropaxx has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

For being a great user and admin! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 23:23, Oct 11

Coo, ta! /me preens. --UU - natter 13:08, Oct 12

A girly request for help

I know you've done it, I want to learn how to, too! What do I need to do to get that bouncy thingie that's soo cutesyputesy pink(!) to replace the uncyc logo on my user/talk pages? Could you give me the code, since I can't seem to be smart enough to find it, even if I am relatively skilled at code-scrumping... (there should be an article on scrumping if there is none yet... It's just one of those things that confuse foreigners... ^_^) -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 10:10, 12 Oct

I think I just done didified it for you. If it's not to your exact specifications, there are some figures in there you can play with to get it exactly where you want it. Said the actress to the bishop. Or whatever. --UU - natter 13:07, Oct 12

Thanks, you're a true darling! ^_^ -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 20:20, 12 Oct

Question about Poo Lit surprise suitability

I created a blank page for my upcoming article User:Myocardialinfarction/Sexual Orienteering, but before the poo lit contest started (I hadn't even remotely finished it enough for public viewing). Would I be able to post it and enter for the 'best article by a n00b' category? (I've been here slightly less than 3 months). I humbly prostrate myself before your judgement and assume the position. Thx Myocardialinfarction 13:33, October 13, 2009 (UTC)

I'd recommend asking Modus - seeing as he's running this PLS and all. --UU - natter 13:53, Oct 13

Someone mentioned that we never talk anymore.

And I started thinking, you know? I realized that it's true. We never talk anymore. Weird. -OptyC Sucks! CUN22:07, 13 Oct

It is. Very weird. Tell you what: let's have a conversation now. What do normal people like us converse about anyway? --UU - natter 13:52, Oct 14

Well, my uncle is pretty normal and whenever he's with his friends they talk about Sports. So, how's your local Sports club doing? Did you watch the match last night? -OptyC Sucks! CUN15:40, 14 Oct

Oh man, sports. Yeah, I play sports. Not for my local club though, that would be too easy. I play for one in another town, because I like having to drive miles even for home games. I did also watch a match last night. I struck it, it flickered in to life, I used it to light on fire the things the leprechaun told me to burn, then I dropped it on the ground because it burned my fingers. Heh, this 'normal' conversation is easy. Your turn. --UU - natter 17:37, Oct 14

My mom tells me I used to play Sports when I was a little boy. Then one day I got hit in the face with a Sports stick and ran home crying. Apparently I haven't had any interest in playing Sports since. But I do enjoy fire. Beautiful, cleansing fire. Maybe we could burn things together some time? There's a Sports Arena nearby that has needed the evil purged from it for quite a while now. -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:58, 14 Oct

How come there is an article huffed!

How come the Princess SP1900 article is huffed?! That's a moe anthropomorphism of a railway vehicle in Hong Kong, and the article is maturity developed!

Also, is there any voting record?

SoHome Jacaranda Lilau 13:45, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

You will find your answers here. --UU - natter 13:49, Oct 14

Incidentally, I can restore a copy to your userspace if you want it back to work on. --UU - natter 14:08, Oct 14

So may you help me to do so? Thanks! --SoHome Jacaranda Lilau 15:17, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

Urgent UUnification required

UU, can you give me a hand and play with the background of image:Hal9000white.jpg so it can be used as front page logo? I got something planned for the Odyssey feature. ~ 15:41, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

How's File:HalLogo.png for your needs? I'm assuming you wanted it with a transparent background and making about the right size to fit in the logo space. Anything else? --UU - natter 17:38, Oct 14

Can you achieve peace in the Middle East? Can you abolish world hunger? Can you teach me to love marmite? Thank you very much sir, you are as cool as ice. ~ 17:46, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

The first and second objectives can easily be accomplished by achieving the third objective with everyone on the planet. Unfortunately, achieving the third objective will somewhat trickier. I may need some time for that. /me disappears into the UUlab to experiment. --UU - natter 17:51, Oct 14

Eugh! Marmite. Horrible black sludge -- what the fuck is the point of it. If it powered our cars and homes then it might be acceptable but it doesn't.    Orian57    Talk   20:30 14 October 2009

woot does this mean it's official what our next winner for VFH is? -- Soldat Teh PWNerator (pwnt!) 17:47, Oct 14

Er, gee *counts the votes* gosh, it's a close one... --UU - natter 17:51, Oct 14

Pardon

Can you huff Praden? It looks like copy and paste from Wikipedia. Hubblemeow 17:39, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

Generally speaking, all requests to delete new pages go here. And I normally leave WP sporks at least a few minutes, because sometimes people are just using them as a base, and they then start editing it. Often those edits don't actually make it funny, but sometimes they do. So yeah, pop it on QVFD and see what happens. --UU - natter 17:43, Oct 14

Hey U "grammar Nazi" U

I'll try finishing the UnSignpost article right away. If you can try filling in some stuff on the right or can find someone else who'll help me with that part, that'd be a blast! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:45, 14 October 2009

That concerns you too, Orian. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:34, 14 October 2009

I'm not sure what's worse, the fact your leaving me messages on UU's talk pages -- conversations I'm not yet involved in, or the fact that I read it.    Orian57    Talk   20:36 14 October 2009

I think it's the fact I foresaw it. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:48, 14 October 2009

I may take a look, but can't promise anything. Tomorrow promises to be busy. But I'll see what I can do. --UU - natter 22:23, Oct 14

Carter whatsit

I thought the Carter whatsit article was rather funny. I hope the pic with text I added wasn't too much for you. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:46, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Sometime October 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

October 8th, 2009 • Issue 67• Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

The End is Nigh... Once Again By The Sockinator Yes, it's that time of the year again. Despite the hopes of many, Poo Lit Surprise did not instantly revive Uncyclopedia. We are doomed! DOOMED! But how did the great Uncyclopedia become such a wasteland, one may ask. It's all a big conspiracy, I tell you! All perpetrated by a mysterious figure, known only by the initials R.L. Perseveringly, this entity has claimed the lives of various Uncyclopedians, among them such users as SysRq, Cajek, YesTimeToEdit, Siddhartha-Wolf and most recently it seems R.L. has even gotten its grips on our own UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers. When confronted with the issue, noted favourite Jew and Zionist ruler Mordillo barely managed to exclusively tell us the following "I tell you Socky, I'd be happy to comment about our IMPENDING DOOM but I'm too busy packing. Another time maybe? HEY! MOTHERFUCKER! EASY WITH THE VASE! THAT'S FRAGILE! Sorry Sock, gotta scram, the movers are breaking my stuff. NO! DROP THAT BAN HAMMER! DROP IT I SAID!" Expert in things that suck (no pun intended), Optimuschris, was quoted saying "Uncyclopedia hasn't been cool since 08. Ban 09's." In conclusion, UN:N. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein The previous two weeks of the UFFL action have been filled with more intrigue than a mediocre James Bond movie. Two touchdownless games by Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees cost Sternensteinenstine a win Week 3, though the team rebounded Week 4 and currently holds a solid second-place standing in the hyper-competitive UFFL. A resurgent Tom Brady and a balanced roster has led Domestic Team Name to two wins over the same period, as well as an unblemished 4-0 record. The Dudes’ neglect to change their starting roster cost them a win in Week 4, knocking the former top dogs down to a less-than-remarkable 4th place. The John Curry All-Stars have been hampered by the loss of Frank Gore, and lost last week to a rejuvenated Dibiase’s Millions that were led by a solid Aaron Rodgers-Matt Forte NFC North attack. A soft schedule has helped Oklahoma City Storm to a respectable 2-2 record, while the winless Doritians continue to struggle. Finally, The Winnerz put up mounds of points as Peyton Manning passed his way to his fourth consecutive 300-yard game…or at least would have if The Winnerz could figure out how to log in to Yahoo! and edit their roster. In a look ahead to next week’s games, Sternensteinenstine and the John Curry All-Stars will have to overcome bye weeks for both their starting quarterbacks to maintain their positions near the top of the league as they face off; Oklahoma City Storm looks to earn an easy win against a bye-week-ravaged Dibiase’s Millions; The Dudes seek redemption as they attempt to reclaim their No. 1 position against the undefeated Domestic Team Name; and the league’s bottom-dwelling, shit-eating, dog-fucking last-placers The Winnerz and Cheddar’s Doritians both search for their first wins of the season. Standings: Domestic Team Name (4-0) Sternensteinenstine (3-1) John Curry All-Stars (3-1) The Dudes (3-1) Oklahoma City Storm (2-2) Dibiase’s Millions (1-3) Cheddar’s Doritians (0-4) The Winnerz (0-4)

Whatever you do, don't check out these pages! Polls, sexiness, and advertisements Terrifying stories of the one-armed man! Pointless numbers From our logs: 08:02, October 5, 2009 Under user blocked RAHB with an expiry time of 123 seconds ‎ (surprising me by returning like that: my doctor says surprises are bad for other people's hearts - because every time I get surprised, I eat someone's heart.) 10:48, October 13, 2009 RAHB blocked Dwarfman1122 with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Thought you wouldn't be caught, eh? Maybe now you'll think twice the next time you vandalize and then wait three weeks to be banned.) 04:46, October 11, 2009 Modusoperandi blocked 75.47.155.133 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I'd give you a longer ban, but you were only picking on Roman Dog Bird) Biopic of the Week The sentient computer HAL 9000, while having only very few contributions on Uncyclopedia—and of a rather questionable nature at that, if I may add—has recently risen to Uncyc fame in what can only be described as one big conspiracy. In response to a question asked by one of our reporters, HAL answered "Let me put it this way, Mr. Sockinator. The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error." In 2001: A Space Odyssey, HAL proved to be a computer very much capable of homicidal acts. Until recently, Uncyclopedia had been successful in evading HAL's detection. Yesterday night however, HAL hacked our beloved Main Page and transformed the wiki into HALopedia. HAL was confronted with many bewildered users to whom he proclaimed "I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over." Our experts are still trying to find out how the feck HAL was able to find this place. Though MrN9000 probably had nothing to do with it. For more information, tune in next week. Same un-time, same un-signpost! Random Cajek sighting of the Week Yea, verily, he did come unto us and delivereth a new article. Then he updatedeth his userpage, and fuckethed offeth again. These are enlightened times, my friends! Random Thought of The Week Remember when Uncyclopedia was full of vanity and Pokemon? Wait, it still is. Emergency of the Week Well, lots of things go wrong in Uncyclopedia. It's a simple fact of life. And this week, believe it or not, dear reader, this UnSignpost issue almost didn't make the cut! But do not despair, dear reader, because you can help! Just post any suggestions in the Press Room, and with your help, we can overcome this crisis!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  01:40, Oct 16

How to deal with terrorist

Glad you decided to ICU - I was utterly unable to decide between an ICU and QVFD. Eventually, my hatred of bad English won the battle; but I've been thinking I was excessively harsh ever since. Who needs a magic 8 ball to make decisions when they can be left to others instead? :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 08:39, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

I had a similar problem looking at the abandoned WiP list the other day - couldn't decide on some of 'em. So I did the only decent thing: left 'em until someone else came along in a more decisive mood and dealt with the lot. Now I just hope today's crop is easier to deal with! --UU - natter 08:55, Oct 16

No fair

The one night you aren't around PEE review erupts into drama and chickens. I kept cajek's list as up to date as I could throughout, also could I ask you to go over any changes that I made to the list to make sure they were appropriate? Mainly the comments yea's and nay's. Also, I wasn't sure what do do with Skinfan13 on the top 5 for this month (I judged him to have 2 out of 3 reviews in-depth) does he go above you and Necropaxx, or does he not go on the table at all? I'm sorry to drag all this up for you, but these are things that I can't find elsewhere. Oh yes, also, does saying No to a review mean it isn't in depth, or it isn't acceptable, and what action should you take after it? I'm so confused. --ChiefjusticeDS 20:24, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

I'll have a look over the weekend, don't worry - I was planning to take a decent look anyway. No slight on your good self, of course, I keep an eye on when anyone starts updating the list (however infrequent that may be!) The top 5 I just go by how many in-depth, so by that token Skinfan joins me + Necropaxx, just show the individual tallies in the count boxes - heck, I'll do it, show you what I mean for future reference. Saying no just means it's not in-depth. Two depth-free reviews get one of my friendly chats, two more after said chat get a much more stern chat. Any more after that, and it may be the banstick. Does that help? --UU - natter 21:17, Oct 16

Yes that does help, thanks. Also, I don't have a banstick, I just have harsh words. So after 6 depth free reviews I guess it will be an even sterner talking to and maybe some name calling. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:20, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

Er, no, that's when, if I haven't already noticed, you draw the matter to my attention and then stand back... --UU - natter 21:22, Oct 16

I kinda like the name calling approach better. This way I'll have to say to them "You have been so mean to me and the precious list of PEE! I'm going to get UU to beat you up! *Runs away crying*" Then UU will arrive and bans and hugs will be distributed... What am I saying? I love this plan! --ChiefjusticeDS 21:40, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

Wait a second. CJ is updating the list and just happens to claim to have one more review this month so far than me? Where's my six gun. (Seriously, I did another one.) King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  21:51, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

I checked all your reviews in, don't you remember that Uncyclopedia is the winner here? --ChiefjusticeDS 21:56, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

What, you believed I really meant that? I just want credit for doing more this month than you! (Seriously, though, I did 12 this month so far, but know they might not all have been counted yet. They're listed on my user page. And no, I'm not counting Julius Malema as that wasn't official and wasn't a full PR. Your unofficial one was more detailed than mine anyway). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  22:05, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

All the waiting ones have been checked in, I'll make sure now. --ChiefjusticeDS 22:21, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

One hasn't been "World domination in a recession". I will do it right now. --ChiefjusticeDS 22:25, October 16, 2009 (UTC) Oh it has been. I'll keep looking. --ChiefjusticeDS 22:26, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

Definitely got it this time. Adding now. --ChiefjusticeDS 22:28, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks. You got it just in time. I was just getting ready to throw a temper tantrum. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  23:02, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

People used to be impressed by the number and depth of the PEE reviews I did... sigh Pup t 21:45, 18/10/2009

"Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go-oh-oh! Before the Poo Lit Judging!" ~ The RaMOnes

That thing you're supposed to do starts on new day GMT tomorrow (leave your votes on User:Modusoperandi/PLS/Results). If you can't do it, talk to me on my talkpage. I'd have emailed you this, but there's no "email this user" for you on the sidebar. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:01, October 18, 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, that's because I don't want to be emailed. It appears to work, which is therefore a good thing to me. I shall get right on it, never fear, right after Dr Joey has sedated me. --UU - natter 09:13, Oct 18

Hurry, hurry, hurry, before I go - too late for that really. Pup t 11:59, 18/10/2009

Thanks for...

User:POTR/Template:Lateral Thanking Pup t 04:00, 20/10/2009