User talk:MrN9000

This user is on vacation, sabbatical, administrative leave, or is otherwise goofing off with the knowledge and/or consent of the Admins. Or, more likely, they've buggered off without saying boo to anyone. Their expected date of return is On the day when Uncyclopedia understand and listen to the words of Jesus F Christ. If you're lonely, or you miss them, leave a message.

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“I STRONGLY RECOMMEND THAT YOU SHUT UP AND EDIT THE ARTICLES”

~ Mordillo

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Welcome! This is the talk page of MrN9000. If you'd like to post a message, CLICK HERE to start a new topic. Rules of engagement:
Try to avoid getting engaged, it can be very expensive. Sign and date all your posts by typing four tildes (~~~~). Put new text under old text.	Don't Be A Dick Screw it, I don't really give a monkeys. Be funny, not stupid. Unless you are stupid in which case that's funny. If you post here, I will reply here.

Previous rants: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 7 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19

Deny! Full.		This

Hello and Welcome!

If you have any questions about the New Uncyclopedia, feel free to ask me; I no longer have Internet at home, so I am in-and-out here, but, like I said, feel free to ask!  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Feb 7 '13 3:30 (UTC)

You logged in! Don't attempt to hide... We know you were here >.> ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 05:36, 7 February 2013 (UTC)

Hea guys! Yea, Al, and Frosty sent a message... So I just googled "New Uncyclopedia", and en.uncyclopedia.co is at the top of the second page... I guess my first question would be who is actually running the server here? How does the setup work? Should I fake my orgasms? and... What really happened happened to the dinosaurs?? MrN 14:11, Feb 7

MrN! Dude! If you lookit the forum post on the old site, you can see the names of all the folks who did the server setup. If you get on IRC in the next half-hour, I can tell you 'bout it in-depth. Basically it's Chinchilla, TKF, Lyrithya, ZB, JackPhoenix, a bunch of techie guys, ...and then me, and I step on things, break stuff, and get in the way. You should never fake your orgasms, you could totally explode a nut that way. And the dinosaurs were invented by God and their bones placed in the fossil record 6,000 years ago so that we may know of His power and insanity. Hope that covers it! ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Feb 8 '13 2:48 (UTC)

Thanks guys. I'm starting to get the picture... Shame that things are currently like they are with some very good users still on the old site. There have obviously been some dicks being dicks. Nothing new there then. ;) ... I might pop into IRC later... MrN 10:44, Feb 11

On second thoughts... Actually guys... Could I have an answer here? On my talk page rather than go into IRC. My questions is...

Who is physically running the new site, who owns the domain name, and what reassurances do I have that this site is not going to be used for profit like the old one is?

I'm sure those are questions which can be answered here on my talk page... Right? I would have assumed that all that kinda info is on a wiki page somewhere, if not it should be. MrN 14:39, Feb 11

First of all, howdy MrN! You just edited like six pages on my watchlist so I figured it was prudent to drop in. The server we're using now is owned by a server-lending sort of company in Europe or something. I forgot the name, somebody else knows. I believe that most things are currently in Lyrithya's name. She also is doing a great deal of remote server administration, as are Legoktm and wctaiwan (a person whose account I can't find at the moment and probably goes by a different name). Bizzeebeaver above, Skizzerz and Jack Phoenix round out the very technical side of things. As well as a user on freenode that I know as Emufarmers. EMC (who now goes by the nick Hotadmin4u69, it's a long story, don't ask) is running most of our social media and the Uncyclopedia store. Zombiebaron and I have been...uh, observing the process I suppose, as we both have server access but no idea what to actually use it for. On the less technical end of things, Zombiebaron and TKF are the most active 'crats, and Dawg has also made a triumphant return recently. Zombiebaron is supreme dictator of the world for life. The server is being paid for by some generous users and hopefully by donations and store purchases in the future. The guarantee that we won't become a for-profit site generally comes from three factors. One is that, for what it's worth, I put my utmost trust in the above listed users and their commitment to keeping the site's integrity in-tact. Two is that legally things are much cleaner for us if we remain non-profit anyway. And three is that servers and bandwidth are expensive and any money that comes in will need to go to that stuff first and foremost, and then second and second-most. A number of forums detail users' concerns with this and administration's reassurances. The main function of this new Uncyclopedia is to be Uncyclopedia by and for the Uncyclopedians. User suggestions are taken into account when dictating how to use the resources at our disposal and users are encouraged to donate to server upkeep. Also, if I'm not mistaken, we're currently working on getting some sort of Non-Profit "organization" sort of registration or something, although I might be mistaken. Lyrithya would probably best be able to answer anything more specific than I've already said and correct my glaring errors. I hope that addresses some of your concerns, and welcome back! -RAHB 22:34, 11 February 2013 (UTC)

Hea RAHB! Supreme dictator? Ha. I don't think I could have asked for a more perfect answer! I suggest posting what you just said onto the main page for a few days. :) What you just said is by far the best explanation I have seen of what is going on. All makes a lot of sense. It's awesome that people have finally gotten themselves together to get this up and running. It's a shame that several good users appear to have stayed on the "old" wiki. Apparently some people have been being dicks or something. Apparently. Probably people acting like dicktators...

Anyway. Yea. Thanks for the heads up man. Much appreciated MrN 23:46, Feb 11

Yeah, the issue with the old users staying behind is unfortunate. I think it would have gone over more smoothly if some of the current community weren't so vehemently swearing death to Wikia, particularly newer users jumping on the bandwagon, so to speak. But all in all I think the move was generally rather a success, all things considered. It also seems to have attracted a lot of long-"dead" contributors to return, which is nice. Speaking of which, great to see you back around, can I assume you'll be one of the "returned" in some capacity? -RAHB 00:04, 12 February 2013 (UTC)

Capacity eh? Oh. It's been a while since I had any capacity. I plan on jumping between the two sites (for a while anyway). Few very good users still on the old site and such... Normally I make another terrible Status Quo pun now... MrN 00:30, Feb 12

Fair enough. For this situation something involving "Hiatus Quo" might work, but I'm too lazy to construct that pun appropriately right now. -RAHB 02:30, 12 February 2013 (UTC)

It is the day of USP love, Valentine’s Day

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

February 14th, 2013 • Issue 186 • Happy Valentine's Day, motherfucker.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:33, 14 February 2013 (UTC)

Tinky Winky

Tinky Winky appears to be one of the redirects broken by the move to the new Uncyclopedia server (i.e., it displays like a broken redirect even though the target exists).

I believe that making a minor edit (such as changing the capitalization of the #REDIRECT part) will fix this; however, I can't do this myself since you protected the page. ----Pentium5dot1 (semi-retired) t~^_^~c 18:54, 16 February 2013 (UTC)

Cool. Think I got it. MrN 19:00, Feb 16

You made my user page?

I just got a notification email saying that you made my "new" user page. No sign of you was left, except the email summary said "Dude Knows What's What". Was this you? If so... WHY. --All rise for the King of Faggots (talk) 03:24, 17 February 2013 (UTC)

Hea Acmed2. You mean this?

(User rights log); 22:33 . . MrN9000 (talk | contribs | block) changed group membership for User:Acmed2 from (none) to 
confirmed and autopatrolled ‎(Dude knows what's what)

That's not making a page. looks like only you have edited your user page. We have a things called "patrolled edits" which we use to keep a close eye on new users. You were still appearing on that list of user whose edits needed to be closely checked, but I could see that you know what you are doing. ...so I checked the flag so that now we no longer frisk you so thoroughly every time you make an edit. We still make you go through a radiation scanner and stick a probe up your rectum, but now we promise not to keep the photographs afterwards. MrN 03:49, Feb 17

Oh, okay. Thanks for believing in me, I guess. --All rise for the King of Faggots (talk) 03:54, 17 February 2013 (UTC)

Believing in you? What do you mean? Are you Jesus? Na, it's cool dude. Just means less effort for the rest of us now. MrN 03:57, Feb 17

Wait... Why is there only 9 confirmed users?

...And why am I one of them? --All rise for Billy the King! (talk) 04:11, 17 February 2013 (UTC)

Probably because we moved the database over from our old hosts recently, and maybe that value did not get ported correctly, probably reset to 0. I guess it's 9 confirmed since we moved over. MrN 04:15, Feb 17

Fucking sweet. --All rise for Billy the King! (talk) 04:18, 17 February 2013 (UTC)

Dude, seriously.

Rehuff that USP page. It's not a USP page. The actual USP is being worked on here: User:Sir Peasewhizz/Nothing.

That Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/20130222 is vigilance. Please rehuff it.-- ^SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 23:21, 17 February 2013 (UTC)

Just a point - we used to have the current issue being edited at the “date” address as it left it open to encourage edits from more of the community. I did trick up an easier way to generate the USP in times gone past, but I'd need to tidy it up and add documentation to the templates before it was really usable. (At the time I created those tools the USP was going through a time of flux, and the tools were being abused, so I “retired” them. Revamping them wouldn't be a complicated process. Of course, that then lead to me being crucified on VFS for creating templates without documentation. Along with talking about a wiki tool that could be abused mercilessly, despite not even looking at how it could have been abused. Sigh!) Nominally Humane! 12:13 18 Feb 2013

I put it there for surprise reasons. Anyone who wants to help with the USP knows where to catch up :D But anyways, the 187th issue is coming out on the 21st, not the 22nd anyways. And the official version is in my userspace. Mr-ex777 has already acknowleged it and said it wouldn't hurt his feelings to have his version huffed.-- ^SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 00:21, 18 February 2013 (UTC)

Thankies! Sorry for the confusion!-- ^SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 00:23, 18 February 2013 (UTC)

Oddly it was MrEx's “enthusiasm” - among others - that made me axe that tool initially. Nominally Humane! 12:49 18 Feb 2013

MrEx is a good guy who has a lot of spunk. If only he could keep it away from the articles sometimes. MrN 01:24, Feb 18

I haven;t read this section, but I did leave you a note near the bottom of my talk page, moon stuff and all. Al time is a mental construct

MrN sees all. :) MrN 11:18, Feb 20

Tinkle

Do you think you could spice up Ancient Aliens into a more favorable position so it can pass VFH?-- ^SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 16:44, 20 February 2013 (UTC)

I am interested in this article, and will have a go at it at some point, but it might not be for a while though... Are you a fan of the series? Have you watched lots of episodes of it? Have you ever checked out a guy called Graham Hancock? I find he has a lot of interesting info. He actually does not follow the "aliens" theory, but thinks that there was a "lost civilisation" or something. Here is one of his vids MrN 16:53, Feb 20

I watch it every Friday. :D and I will watch that vid later probably, I'm a bit busy. lol -- ^SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 16:54, 20 February 2013 (UTC)

Crikey! It’s a rare, wild UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

February 21st, 2013 • Issue 187 • Burn.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:35, 21 February 2013 (UTC)

Surprise, Motherfucker, USP

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

February 28th, 2013 • Issue 188 • When life gives you lemons, sue for damages.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 03:51, 28 February 2013 (UTC)

In Soviet Russia...

...I stalk you. Aleister 12:32 7-3-'13

Ah, but can you find me on Yahoo? :P There is a guy on there who I keep thinking is you! Secretly I think it's all part of your diabolical plan as a NASA shill... :) MrN 13:44, Mar 7

Don't listen to Al, he's Barbara Streisand's son. ~ 14:00, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

I Finally Found Someone who is More Guilty of Duets. MrN 14:10, Mar 7

Back for butter or for words

We started that bit again. Join? -- Style  Guide 17:04, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

Wow! It's you! I read your thing. I still don't know what it is! Wow! That's a lot of Exclamation marks. Is it a place to whore articles? Because I would like to see someone write an attack article taking the piss out of UnScripts:Who built the moon, and an article from someone who believes or can pretend to believe in anthropogenic global warming write Lord Christopher Monckton denial denial in reply to Lord Christopher Monckton denial RE the Holocaust denial series. Is that the kinda thing? In which case you may need to organise your page a bit more, cos I had no idea where to put it. :) MrN 17:24, Mar 7

I thought I heard the Imperial March. USP time, everybody!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

March 7th, 2013 • Issue 189 • You may now start the sad music.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 20:35, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

Oh, and I forgot to mention earlier...

Your memory serves you well. Cajek WAS the one who created my sig. I think I asked someone how to do it, and he just up and made one. A fucking spectacular one at that. I haven't messed much with the original design. Who knows why he decided to help, but I sure have been grateful. The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 06:52, 10 March 2013 (UTC)

Why he decided to help? He knew that you were worth it. MrN 20:02, Mar 10

Is that a compliment? ... What the fuck?! I have no idea how to react to this! My initial reaction is to call you names or something. The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 21:37, 10 March 2013 (UTC)

Cajek was a notoriously poor judge of character. I never said he was right. Also, it's currently NOT possible for the admins to ban Cajek. Seriously. We can't do it! MrN 21:40. Mar 10. 2013

As a user who is not an admin, may I just say that Nobody Cares? It's like the Uncyclopedia equivalent to a first-world problem. Oh noes! My Cheetos have so much air in the bags! Meanwhile, we have starving n00bs just trying to earn their first ban, and nobody gives a shit about them, now do they ?! Makes me sick... The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 22:16, 10 March 2013 (UTC)

We have n00bs? MrN 22:19. Mar 10. 2013

You're right. I remember all the times people tried to ban all i.p.s because sometimes some of them vandal sometimes. Which was the stupidest shit ever. Great job banning a shit-ton of our prospective new users guys. Wait, what were we talking about? The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 22:31, 10 March 2013 (UTC)

Oh that spammer? That's all one dude. MrN 22:34. Mar 10. 2013

MORE CONVERSATIONS ON EVEN MORE TALK PAGES!!! Let's spread out these talks as far as we can. I think we are on 4 pages atm. The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 00:48, 11 March 2013 (UTC)

Can I have some salad with my UnSignpost?

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

March 14th, 2013 • Issue 190 • It's a "sa-lad".

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 11:44, 14 March 2013 (UTC)

Hi!

I don't think we've met. I'm Y. —  (talk) (contributions) 02:04:03 2013/03/16 UTC

I don't think we have. Hi there. Wait. There were two of you just now. Now only 1! Maybe I'm seeing double. Need more beer. Do you have any beer? MrN 02:06. Mar 16. 2013

No. I never had any. I don't drink. i'm not that kind of perjyuhjuhmn;[p'ftrgqc ;l2qve —  (talk) (contributions) 05:23:32 2013/03/16 UTC

Yeah. Anyways, don't get durunk off it. I'm about to get some logs off RAHB of Frosty super drunk on IRC: it's hilarious. I'll show you... no seriously, they desevrve an FA. —  (talk) (contributions) 05:28:58 2013/03/16 UTC

Thank you

for a more appealing introduction to Why birthdays?. I'm not really good at being funny in other languages, so everyone may feel free to improve and/or feedback my jokes + English | Cartoonist | Spit it out! | 14:40, 16 March 2013 (UTC)

Sure. I hardly speak English myself so don't worry about it. I think the rest of that article could use a similar smoothing over as it is a little broken in places, but I enjoyed reading it. MrN 00:03. Mar 17. 2013

Help

Could you protect Forum:VOTE:TOP 3 ARTICLES OF FEBRUARY and unprotect Uncyclopedia:VFH/Top 3 so I can update it?  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 00:20 3.17.13

Yes. Oh you mean... Uncyclopedia:VFH/Top3. I could not find Uncyclopedia:VFH/Top_3! :P ... Thanks for remembering. ;) I will protect it again when you are done. MrN 00:32. Mar 17. 2013

Actually, maybe it does not need sysop protection currently. I will leave it as it is... Thanks dude. MrN 01:16. Mar 17. 2013

Carbon monoxide thingy thangy

Nice idea, yours, but not relevant to that particular newspiece. I'll start another where it can be used, wait a sec. -- Style  Guide 16:51, 17 March 2013 (UTC)

I did kinda shoe horn it onto the end... I thought my "idea" was really just yours but expanded, and maybe it could have been worked in better, but sure! Have your wicked way with it if you think you can make an article out of it. :) MrN 16:56. Mar 17. 2013

Here. Fling in any ideas you may have around it - spokesmen names, any details at all, and I'll work it from there on. Or write the whole piece. I'll wait until tomorrow and do the rest, wherever it is by then. No need to keep it only within archaeology but I think it would make it nicely absurd. -- Style  Guide 16:58, 17 March 2013 (UTC)

UnNews:Poor people Occupy St. Peter's Square‎...

...my new Unnews about St. Peter's Square, and the pic on the bottom. This was the subject of a thread at you know where yesterday and today, and I have never known about this thing. It's in the room where the pope has his public audience every day, and where he holds press announcements. Did you ever see this? It's been there for 36 years, and the pope talks from a chair under it. Al Happy Monkey, you join now, no wait, free parking

I had already read it already. Obviously. Firstly, what is "Tugboat"? I think it unlikely that "Joey No-thumbs" would have acquired that nickname so quickly, considering that he has only just lost both is thumbs and his money. As for the pic. WTF. That's new to me. Do you have a link to a better quality image? What should I search for to find that? Looks like demonic heads as wooden bosses. Looks like early stages of meditation for many people who see similar nasty looking faces. Much of their iconography is about the Pineal gland, mushrooms meditation and such. Is that a horned god at the top? If it is, I would guess it's Dionysian based, though I can't even see it, as the pic is kinda blury! Ok... I will stop talking carp now...

Your article... It's clever. I love the concept. I can't really improve the flow of it, because you do that better than me. Maybe the middle section could be trimmed down a bit, to make it more punchy. You write so nicely though so I hate to hack it apart! Obviously it needs links and "Everyone should do quotes like this!". Although some people are not everyone... I think it could be VFH, but it just needs that little "spice" to spice it up just a little more... I will have a think on the idea, and see if I can come up with anything. MrN 21:07. Mar 18. 2013

Thanks! Kind words from a man who might not be around for happy monkey, as if he's got something better to do. Wine, women, or song, nothing should take priority over happy monkey. Court appointment? Be a no show. I put some links onto the page, and no, quotes are no longer in italic, where have you been, Siberia? Nobody does quotes in italic in the real world, that was someone's idea of a joke once and people took it seriously. I'll look at the middle section, and cut some words here and there, thanks. Pope Francis rules (literally)!! Al later that day

hmc 2013

Try and email a proposed topic to happymonkeycompetition@gmail.com by 15.00 UTC. (9 am EST) if at all possible. --ShabiDOO 11:48, 20 March 2013 (UTC)

Happy Monkey Topic

Your topic for the contest is Kevin Smith . You have 36 hours to write the article (until Friday 03.00 UTC/Thursday 9pm EST). If you want to make it unbook, unreview etc. you can very slightly alter the title. Remember the judging is on creativity and originality more than anything else. Have fun. In the mean time Happy Monkey is leaving various surprises all over your house. --ShabiDOO 14:52, 20 March 2013 (UTC)

Closer but no cigar...

...that would be a good topic "Closer but no cigar". cool. So hello from the Vatican throneroom, where I sit hour after hour just waiting to type here. They've got me blessing sheep and goats of all things, and when I was crowned Pope they've just given me rice to eat, which I don't mind, seasoned right. All in all, check out the occupy St. Peter's square page, it may be closer to your approval. If you'd like I'll keep working on it. Thanks for the "close but no cigar" stuff, when someone says that I keep going on the page. Al 15:20 20-3-'13

I see... YOU get to write about "The second conquest of the moon .", a topic full of potential, and options and I get "kevin Smith". Who the hell is Kevin Smith??? BASTARDS. MrN 19:27. Mar 20. 2013

Luck of the drawers. I thought you were the one who submitted this title. In previous years I had crappy titles like Homophone, Tombstone, and Viking Metal. And every article is open to a world of possibilites - and not only that, we need an article on Kevin Smith, a vital subject, whoever the hell he is. Al today in the Azores

You had me at drawers. I will do my best... I really don't have much time to actually edit right now though. It's not going to be a very good job, but I will see what I can do. :( MrN 19:49. Mar 20. 2013

w:Kevin Smith —  (talk) (contributions) 19:52:50 2013/03/20 UTC

Shhh! no helping! ;)

@Aleister, oh, and I will take another look at your UnNews at some point :) MrN 20:01. Mar 20. 2013

People like the UnSignpost because it’s hot! It has the best graphics and everything. Marcus, USP! Step yo’ game up!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

March 21st, 2013 • Issue 191 • Marcus. USP. Step yo' game up!

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 02:27, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

Moon article

My contest entry, which I dedicate to you, is being judged here but I'm also still polishing and improving it. I think you'll appreciate the page, and I invite you to settle in for a evening (or a few minutes) of reading enjoyment. Thanks for some of the inspiration. Aleister 00:38 23-3-'13

Where have you gone, MrN9000 DiMaggio, uncy nation turns its lonely eyes to you. There a thread on ancient weird maps on ATS, with stuff about the Piri Reis (hahahahahaha Spike). Thought you may like it. And you are a lucky man, as I've worked much much more on the Moon article linked above, and should be moving it to its rightful home soon. I came away with a second place ribbon, happy as a monkey and dancing with hookers who pay me. And you got an honorable mention for your finely crafted and direct page on Kevin Smith. Feature! (hahahahahaha. I'd vote "aye") Al 23:05 26-3-'13

Update: The page is now mainspaced here. And I give you credit on the talk page. I hope you like it, and that it does justice to the title. That is all. Al

Hea Al. Sorry for not being around. I have read your page twice now, and somehow I'm not getting it somehow. To be fair, both times I have read it, I did not have a straight head, so I will check it out again another time. It's beautifully written, but for some reason I'm missing something... I noticed you linked to the Antikythera mechanism. I actually just recently watched http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpHW2acX0To and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ly3cpBFWF-o as well as a few others. To me the awesome thing here is not the quality of the workmanship, but the fact that the Antikythera mechanism demonstrates that men knew back then thousands of years ago how to predict the motion of the planets and compensate for everything. It predicts eclipses. Just like Stonehenge does... That's the REALLY OCCULT information. What it can do, not its method of construction. It was probably one of many similar devices which evolved from water clocks. The gear which is on a pin is cool also... To be honest though... This proves that man knew complex stuff and it was lost, but... The pyramid...

Now that one just keeps making me think... Um...

Wow...

RE the Happy Monkey. I tried to withdraw as all I did was cut and paste the wiki article, and only had a chance to change the top. All the rest was exactly the same. I feel for the poor soul who read that! It was not done on purpose like that! I just did not have any time to work on it. RE Maps. Graham Hancock covers the "mystery of the maps" very well in many places including his book Finger prints of the gods. I think man has traveled the world in boats for many thousands of years. At least 12,000. It's no surprise that some maps are still around. What is cool is the accurate lat and long positions they had back then. We only recently learnt to do this (again) If they did not have accurate clocks back then they must have used procession of the equinox over many, many years to be able to find out exact positions. MrN 18:57. Mar 27. 2013

Wow, thank you for the great deal of information. I started the Antikythera youtube and that's a must see. I'll put all of these onto the talk page of the article, and maybe put the links into the page itself. Nice. The moon article itself turned out to be looped around itself quite well, as things are explained later which may make people want to read it again. I think it's one of my best pages here, it sure took a lot to write it as I had to hold this large pattern in my brain of what the article was doing and how it looped around. One of my own page favorites. Thanks for giving it another chance. And you won honorable mention!!! Don't be modest, you won it fair and square. Feature. I'm going to copy off all the youtube's now, and plop them on the talk pages and then on my user ATS repository. Thanks for all the good data. And it's good to "see" you again, swapping out forbidden articles and fighting the good fight. Al 19:52 27-3-'13

As Archimedes once said, give me a solid place to stand and I will move my bowels. There are some really interesting long videos on Archimedes on Youtube also. However... THIS is the most interesting thing I have found recently. You MUST watch it. He is talking about this as a potential method of building the pyramids, and his other videos are interesting, however... Correct me if I'm wrong, but the method this guy demonstrates in this video is able to lift a mass vertically for less energy than could be captured later by lowering it back down again. So... That's a free energy device then. No? MrN 20:01. Mar 27. 2013

The meter was originally defined as the distance from the Equator to the North Pole divided by ten million. This was defined 300 years ago. Their measurements were fairly accurate considering technology available to them, but it was not precise. Nor can it be precise. The distance from the Equator to the Pole at sea level (the precise value of sea level is always changing) changes slightly from moment to moment due to multiple factors (large scale and small scale). Thirty years ago the meter was defined in terms which would allow minimal variability (speed of light in a vacume), but the length is still based on the inaccurate estimations from 300 years ago. The grid system created later arbitrarily uses the poles as references, arbitrarily divides the earth by 360, arbitrarily places 0º in a neighbourhood in London though it was a great possibility to have it placed in Paris. The fact that two different numbers on two very different, arbitrary and slightly inacurate scales, are similar to each other in an arbitrary base 10 number system...doesn't mean that their coincidence is meaningful. This would be the most incredible conspiracy by gods that ever happened. They first would have influenced 1700 Frenchmen to divise the length of the meter slightly innacurately, then a few hundred years later influenced the British to divise earths coordinate system while considering the location of the Pyramids of Giza...and then strategically placing the 0º in a neighbourhood of London so that when removing a decimal point....the number would be similar to the speed of light per second (also a very random and abitrary measurement of time which has also only recently been measured precisely) traveled in a unit of length based on an innacurate measurement by Frenchmen 200 years earlier.--ShabiDOO 02:03, 28 March 2013 (UTC)

The numbers of the coordinates are also off. The centre of the Pyramid complex is 29.976111, 31.132778. The coordinates of the three largest pyramids are: 29°58′45.03″N 31°08′03.69″E, 29°58′34″N 31°07′51″E and 29°58′45.03″N 31°08′03.69″E. The coordinates given here...are off by nearly half the distance from the centre to the edge of one of the pyramids. The range of coordinates (with so many decimal places) by both lattitude and longitude in the entire Pyramid complex are so large that thousands of different numbers would fit into that range which also allows one to compare the precise speed of light per meters with a coordinate system with so many different numbers. If the speed of light in a vacume in meters per second lined up with the coordinates of the very centre of one of the pyramids...this would be incredible, but with such a large range over the whole complex...many many many numbers would fit these coordinates, especially when changing decimal places. --ShabiDOO 02:36, 28 March 2013 (UTC)

Shabidoo seems as good as the best people at ATS at punching holes in theories. If we were there I'd give you a star and a flag Shabidoo. MrN, I watched the "float" technique vid as a way to build the pyramids - thanks, a good find. It makes sense if someone back then had thought of it. It still seems like it was built by slaves pulling stones along scaffolds and wheels or logs, but pushing the blocks into water with a float substance tied to them would have expedited the process. Have you thought of putting the vid and the question up as a thread on ATS if one hasn't been set up already? Al 10:12 28-3-'13

I am the first person in line to celebrate the discovery of truly creepy and inexplicable phenomena that stand up to critical scrutiny. Quantum physics alone would satisfy anyone trying to make sense of the (as of now) non-sensible. And then there's human psychology that is puzzlings to explain (why the moon appears bigger when its low in the sky, very simple puzzles about human cognition, the "gay" question, is human attraction purely a chemical reaction?) or making sense of "emergence" ... how complex systems behave differently from a lower level to a higherlevel which interact with each other in unpredictable ways (genes/body/survival, gravity, the art/music/fashion scene, ant colonies). Spending time on bizzare and freaky questions like these is quite the adventure...and it comes with the added bonus of not starting with an assumption or explanation...but trying to understand it / find an explanation. Sort of like when I try to figure out just how many uncyclopedians have slept with Aleister's mom. Honestly ... this six digit number will always remain a mystery. --ShabiDOO 10:47, 28 March 2013 (UTC)

My mom's not complaining, and the only sign I see of her hobby is her gait has changed. S, then why aren't you at ATS?????? Or....are you, Phage. I've just done my 2,000th post there, and have learned lots of things while having fun between playing and being serious. My latest thread is on polygomy, speculating how long before it's legalized. And MrN, nice note on sannse's talk page abut the censored pic. Al 10:51 that day

p.s. here's a thread on pi and other measurements of the Great Pyramid. I don't know if the vids you posted here are on that thread, or another popular one on the construction of the G.Pyramid

I think the meter was originally defined to be a circumference of 40,000 km whereas it's actually 40,007.86 km (meridional). I don't think the meter was defined just 300 years ago. I think the people who built the great pyramid used it. They also used the foot... They were also aware of exactly the circumference of the earth as they encoded this knowledge into the construction of the pyramid. People have been using 360' for thousands of years...

"The distance from the Equator to the Pole at sea level (the precise value of sea level is always changing) changes slightly from moment to moment due to multiple factors (large scale and small scale). "

That's not relevant. We are talking about degrees on a sphere, not distance over land from poles. Magnetic poles move, but the earth is spinning on a fixed point. That point NEVER moves. To try to debunk this, you should be talking about plate tectonics, but that's a whole different subject. ;) Also... We are talking about what it is NOW, not what it was who knows when.

"The position of the Great Pyramid is absolutely precise. It points North within 5 hundredths of a degree. Even in the 17th century, thousands of years after the Great Pyramid was built, they could not come close to that degree of accuracy. " - so that never changes. The point the Earth spins on is fixed. The Great Pyramid is STILL lined up perfectly. Now. So... The land has NOT moved.

Check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-EFoKJM5co

That's another video which explains this differently. This guy claims it's actually the exact centre of the grand gallery. The grand gallery is the focal point of the whole thing. I did the maths myself, and it checked out. Could you demonstrate how this is wrong?

Trust me... This is just scratching the surface of many, many similar amazing "coincidences" which one can find if you choose to look. Like the fact that according to one translation the word pyramid means "light measure".

I should write an article on some of these! Wait I did! Who built the moon I'm waiting to see all the "coincidences" in this "debunked" ;) It could actually really use someone with a critical eye to go through and pull me up on any which are not correct. A lot of them are ratios and such...

BTW according to "mainstream" Egyptology they did not have the wheel. They also don't think that slaves were used. My bet is that they floated the stones all the way to where they needed them. They built a watertight outside skin made from facing stones to the pyramid and filled it up as they went. They probably used barges and water locks to lift the stones. They shipped the stones in from all over the country using the Nile, and delivered them straight to where needed without any lifting or heavy manual labour. So everyone in the whole country could be making stones at the same time... IMO it is not possible to build the great pyramid in 100 years using men dragging stones, even if they used an internal ramp.

There is also a lot to suggest that Giza is actually 12,000 years old. Ask any geologist to look at the water damage on the sphinx...

Shabidoo: It's hard to say this without sounding patronising, but... There is a world of knowledge out there. This is only scratching the surface. Having spent best part of 4 years looking into this kinda information I can tell you "something" is going on... My bet is that knowledge is power, and so it pays for people to keep hold of it. I think that has happened in the past. A lot... I also think that knowledge can be lost and then found again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djcJI8NcC2c and also http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=7p_RD-S7INM#!

From KP: "A seconds pendulum is a pendulum whose period is precisely two seconds; one second for a swing in one direction and one second for the return swing, a frequency of 1/2 Hz. At standard gravity its length is 0.994 m (39.1 in)" - IMO that is why a meter is what it is. MrN 19:17. Mar 28. 2013

If you seriously believe that Greenwhich was decided on as 0º before the 19th century, that the meter existed before the 17th century, that a pendulum can tick two seconds accurately enough to measure the speed of light in a vacume, that the earth spins on a fixed axis that never moves, that the coordinates that video quotes are not off by a few hundred meters ... then you prefer youtube conspiracies over raw measurable confirmable verified peer reviewed testable data by literaly thousands of scientists, researchers and historians using the scientific method or sourced based research over the last 300 years ... and we should go our separate ways in our search for truth. --ShabiDOO 22:18, 28 March 2013 (UTC)

Greenwhich? You mean that place which they tried to line up with true north, but failed and the pyramid is much better lined up? Still now? Also Greenwich is on 0 longitude. We are talking about latitude here so Greenwich is not relevant. I don't believe a lot of what you apparently assume I do, but you are right there is no point us talking about this. You appear to have a closed mind. Just like most on ATS. OR... Show me that: "the coordinates that video quotes are off by a few hundred meters " ... DO THAT. The number we are using here is derived from a latitude.MrN 09:10. Mar 29. 2013

It's better I don't demonstrate anything to you dude. Go do your own research...it's pretty meaningless if you quote stuff from new-age websites and I quote data in journals, research papers and ecyclopedias. Go verify any of this using scientific sources, books on the history of the metric system, objective disinterested empirical writing. Libraries, journals, high resolution maps, the history of science...is all easily available and free. If you finish by still believing in what you do...at least you can say you've done as broad and "open minded" an attempt to understand whatever it is you want to believe, and you'll be able to defend it far better, quote where the data, research, experiements, quotes, sources come...other than conspiracy websites and youtube links. --ShabiDOO 00:03, 30 March 2013 (UTC)

Back for more eh? ... OK... What is it that I believe? MrN 00:24. Mar 30. 2013

You believe that the location of the pyramids and the formula for the speed of light are cosmicaly and supernaturally connected in a mysterious puzzle that will unlock the secrets of the universe. I don't deny that it is possible. Life would be a lot more interesting if this were true. Maybe one day we'll be flying to the centre of the galaxy on a pyramid shaped vehicle faster than the speed of light pushing hieroglyphic buttons and chanting the names of moon gods and constalations. I couldn't think of anything more awesome than that and I would be the first person to buy a ticket if they ever go on sale. Good luck with your quest for the truth. --ShabiDOO 03:02, 30 March 2013 (UTC)

No. I don't believe that. MrN 13:13. Mar 30. 2013

Yes...but...I don't believe that you don't believe that I believe that you do believe it! --ShabiDOO 14:32, 30 March 2013 (UTC)

"If you seriously believe that Greenwhich was decided on as 0º before the 19th century" - Nope. I don't. "that the meter existed before the 17th century" - Check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seconds_pendulum. We have used 24 hours 60 mins and 60 seconds for a long time. Hours are named after the Egyptian god Horus. The Babylonians used base 60. "that a pendulum can tick two seconds accurately enough to measure the speed of light in a vacume" - Nope. I don't. "that the earth spins on a fixed axis that never moves" - I think it does. You may be thinking of the procession of the equinox which moves the stars, but that does not change the point where the earth spins. Maybe I'm totally missing something which you could explain to me... "that the coordinates that video quotes are not off by a few hundred meters". I think they point to the center of the grand gallery. I might be wrong. Please show me that this is not correct. What I do believe is: "I can tell you "something" is going on... My bet is that knowledge is power, and so it pays for people to keep hold of it. I think that has happened in the past. A lot... I also think that knowledge can be lost and then found again." I have nothing more specific than that. I have researched many people who follow the "It's aliens" or "It's lizards" or "Atlantis" or it's whatever. I don't believe that, but I see far too many "coincidences" in many many things to discount the possibility that "something" is going on. I have no idea what... MrN 18:07. Apr 4. 2013

Can you do a couple pee reviews?

I have a few of my own that need pees done.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 00:25 3.28.13

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March 28th, 2013 • Issue 192 • The USP that'll make good penis jokes!

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 21:53, 28 March 2013 (UTC)

Do you own a pair of sneakers?

If so, throw them out. I like the entire section up above, where you and Shaibadoo fight over who knows more about what, with links and data and all kinds of jibber jabber. The two of you should start one of those debate shows, with boxing gloves and mud pits. And I'm not savvy enough to know which of you is accurate (did you ever look at the pyramid threads at ATS I linked, and if so, do they contain anything useful? I haven't looked yet.). I was going to edit an ongoing page but Frosty vandalized the other site by putting up a wikia skin and a link to this site, so it's uneditable, and I can't edit here very well because apparantly my cache fills up so quick here for some reason that I never totally am logged in, so I can't use search or categorize or upload some pictures. I'm using a 2005 laptop (with no camera or microphone, not by design but it works out well), and that may be the problem, but it's not a problem which occurs anywhere else on the web. I'm still working on the moon trip article, and have improved it day by day (polish and editing). Will be back later, just rolling around right now. Aleister 10:09 april idiots day

Hea Al. Yes, I read that one, and several others at ATS also. Thanks for linking them. :) I did learn some new things from reading them, which is always cool. Oh... That "Wikia" place? Don't know too much about that. I used to be an admin there, but not these days. ... Mrs9000 read your moon article on Thursday I think it was. She reads stuff here at work sometimes. Lazy so and so should be working... Anyway, her feedback was "too long, and not funny enough for how much reading I had to do, also wtf is it about anyway? ". She is a harsh woman. MrN 18:10. Apr 2. 2013

Too long? I'm sorry about your wife's ADD. Ask her to check out my The Old Man and LV page, or set her down for an afternoon to read History of Great Britain (I've never read it, and think it's one of the best things on the site. Has anybody read it? Tell me what you think, please.) She expects funny? It's got irony, satire, and other stuff, but not funny unless you get into the swing of it. Then it might be hilarous (the best joke I ever made up was one which only two people "got", and both of them fell and the floor and rolled around laughing.) Ah, what is it about? It's about "The Second Conquest of the Moon"!!!!! But more seriously, thank her for reading it, that was nice. I'd be glad to discuss it, what are her questions, or does "What is it about?" sum it up. -- I just did a good editaddit sweep of my St. Peter's Square UnNews, and it felt ready to nominate for feature, which I've done. I don't do that unless it's ready, which the moon page isn't yet. I can "feel" a nice amount of work to go into it yet. Let me know if you like the St. Peter's thing, if I worked out the middle section alright. Thanks. I did a great April fool joke at ATS, and caught one guy who actually had done a thread earlier saying he "wouldn't be caught this year". One woman thought the thread was distasteful. Ha! It about a witness to the JFK assassination dying mysteriously. Ha! Aleister 20:48 3-4-'13

JFK Eh?

Wife? NOOOO! I will use the reference Miss9000 from now on. No need anyone getting any ideas. We ARE going to Peru btw. DMT anyone? ... Also... YOU should come with us. RE the moon article... I agree with all that you say. I think what it needs is one really good "joke" early on to catch the readers attention. It's obvious it's quality stuff, and I'm sure it would pass current VFH standards if it was nominated now, but perhaps it needs just that something more. Sounds like you are not done with it anyway :) I go to bed early these days due to working hours, so really have very little time to get onto Uncyc. Also, the place I work at have a strict policy which means I can't get here... :( RE History of Romartus! Hell Yea. I think I did actually read all that once. I think Romartus probably has over 1,000 edits to that page. It's an epic. It should be subdivided into several articles, but in the context it's kinda funny that it's not. I suspect it's one of the pages which drew Romartus to Uncyc. :) I will do some stalking on ATS and catch up on your tricks. I will read both the pages you linked again, probably tomorrow. Also... Dare you to watch Jordan's full video if you have not already. That's one of his classics, and he covers the pyramids. 2 hours 27 mins! You know you want to! MrN 21:30. Apr 3. 2013

And I shall. Thanks for the link. Here's one from me, even if you've heard it twice it's worth hearing three times (the magic three times hearing something is when deep learning starts to happen). Then again, there is a chance that you've never heard a McKenna lecture (I heard of Robert Anton Wilson well after I got involved in stuff), so this is a good one.

I will have to make the attempt to read a big section of "History of GB", and really read it as an article. I was just very impressed with its length and the amount of pics were in there, but never got around to reading it. I probably thought I had to read it all at once. So I'll pick a good size but not, well, wait, I'll start at the beginning and read some of the article. Not now though. And check out one of my user pages where I keep a collection of interesting stuff. At first lots of ATS threads, then a section on other stuff which I should expand, then some vids. You know some of them, maybe others are there too. Glad about your DMT quest, and I would like to take that too. The moon page, tell Miss9000 that the machine that the dog uses is a doorway to the DMT elves which was invented and designed in the Sirius star system (the Dog Star). It was left by some goof on the moon. And ask her "Who wrote the UnBook?" (secret, it's one of the characters). If she doesn't know she should read the end section (did she get past "The End", or stop there? Some people may actually stop there, and that'ts where they will stop. Have to put some more good stuff in that ending section for the people who "get through" the barrier of "The End" sign. Anyway, in that section you find out who wrote the UnBook, which then makes it interesting to give it a second read. No, it's not done as yet, doesn't feel complete. I've got lots more to do, actually. Thanks. Al 22:00 3-4-'14

There is a way to link to a particular time on a youtube vid, but I don't know it.  :( Anyway, I'm currently at 2:50:40. Mind consciousnesses... "Consciousness is something that happens in the mind, there is an un-consciousness aswell... Mind is the inclusive category I think". I like how he talks and he is funny sometimes. He is clearly a very cleaver guy. I did not know that you could smoke DMT, and that it's a really short hit unlike the shaman way of doing it which inhibits you leaving whatever state it is that you are in for hours. I have always thought McKenna to be a little to pro drugs. Like Leary and a few others. I think that LSD in particular has not been a "good" drug to promote. ... This is the most interesting talk I have listened to from him. When I have listened to this, I plan on taking in http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qtn6D_Z_EuM which was linked from it. :) MrN 21:22. Apr 4. 2013

Done watching it! My opinion of him has improved. I still feel that he has undertones of gaia worship which worry me, but I will look out for his stuff more. Now to check out... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddHfU2wKvmc :) MrN 18:45. Apr 8. 2013

Could you go through and vote?

:D  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 18:20 4.02.13

This isn’t an April Fool’s Day Prank! This is the UnSignpost!

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April 4th, 2013 • Issue 193 • April showers bring February flowers. Wear protection.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 18:23, 4 April 2013 (UTC)

Can you schedule some features?

I think we have enough past +8.0 to fill the week.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 21:50 4.09.13

UnSignpost Time, Folks! I repeat, UnSignpost Time!

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April 11th, 2013 • Issue 194 • Chicago Cubs 0 (HAHAHAHA! GET IT? THEY SUCK!)

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:35, 11 April 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost, late and lazy!

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April 19th, 2013 • Issue 195 • Fresh shredding material for your kitty's claws

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:40, 19 April 2013 (UTC)

Jumprope

Hello, and thanks very mucho for voting for my six-legged man article. You are a wise and gentle intellectual (who doesn't know who Robert Upshur “Bob” Woodward is???). Jeez, the ATS boards are overloading with the Boston killers, I know everything about them except for their penis size (put up that thread if you want). How the hell have you been????!!!??? More soon, I must read that Unsignpost I just spotted above. Aleister 20:53 19-4-'13

Ahhh. Watergate. I remember his name from something about that I think. I know nothing about the "Boston killers". Not one I have looked into at all. They sound like an indie rock band to me. :) I'm STILL looking at a lot of pyramid stuff... The trip to Peru is still on also... I checked out the videos you linked me to. Dude has a lot to say. He claims to be able to "remain verbally organised" even when on acid. He had some interesting things to say about DMT also... Still, he thinks it takes you to "another place" or some other actual real world. Something outside of your own mind. I'm not sure about that... MrN 21:05. Apr 19. 2013

I envy your Peruvian plans. If I had more traveling cash I'd be right with you. I'm actually an anti-acid advocate, it's very interesting but stays in the body too long (the few times I tried it I could "feel" it in my body for six or eight months, not good). It's not natural either, at least in the form people use. Good, the pyramid info is fun and at the very least educates you more about ancient civilizations, an interest of mine. Pleeease, if you have time from here, add your knowledge to the pyramid threads "there". I'd enjoy reading that. Have you done a pyramid article here???? That would also be great. "Another place"? Who knows, but the DMT elves. Must sign off soon.....reason....beans and rice!!! Al 21:14 19-4-'13

I have some ideas for Who built the pyramids, but like many other ideas they are just that. I have read most of the threads at ATS now, but still have a few more to check out. It is a great source of info. You can learn a lot from watching the debates... No sense of humour there tho. I think they took me seriously last time... ;) BTW I think we have more advance tech than they claim. I have no problem believing that the Americans were able to go to the moon back then. but... I still don't think we are being told the truth about all kinds of things, and for many different reasons. MrN 21:24. Apr 19. 2013

Can you give me your opinion on Mila Kunis and feature something?

Er, schedule a couple features lol. Yeah, Mila Kunis. Can you tell me your opinion on it?  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 22:33 4.19.13

I am just about to go to bed, so no. Sorry, maybe next time I log on. Also... I don't think we need to FA every day, so a break might be in order anyway. Up to Max I guess as he is doing the work at the moment... Night. ;) MrN 22:37. Apr 19. 2013

Ahkay goodnight.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 22:40 4.19.13

Sleep tight, and let the bedbugs bite. PronStar69 23:00 4-19=13

The New Deal

• Hey MrN, seeing as I just deleted an expired {{ICU}} that you tagged I thought I should just come by and mention that we have pretty much phased the {{ICU}} out in favor of the {{WIP}}. Both had similar functions, but the wording of {{WIP}} is more positive and less likely to scare new writers away. Also the 7-day counter on WIP restarts every time the page gets edited, where as ICU expires 7 days after the page is tagged. There was a discussion about this on the forum but I'm too lazy to go find it. -- The Zombiebaron 21:23, 20 April 2013 (UTC)

Fairy snuff. Like most I have used ICU when the article was very poor and I wanted to point them to the docs more, but that's cool. I will stop using ICU and just use WIP from now on. MrN 06:58. Apr 21. 2013

The 2 Days Tardy USP!

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April 25th, 2013 • Issue 196 • Good morning... just kidding.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:04, 27 April 2013 (UTC)

Wait

So, what, is this your usual disappearing act? They bring the computer into the institution for three months early in the year, and then they take it away from you again? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, May 23 '13 2:05 (UTC)

Week-old news two weeks late: The UnSignpost!

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June 6th, 2013 • Issue 198 • Back and better than ever still pretty adequate.

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Tue, Jun 11 '13 2:33 (UTC)

UnSignpost is back

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July 7th, 2013 • Issue 199 • Still fashionably late.

Enjoy! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 10:11 7 July 2013

The UnSignpost: a brilliant new format but less news

The UnSignpost

Better sign it.

August 1st, 2013 • Issue #200 • Archives • Press Room

Servers Paid For Until 2014; World Peace Inevitable

Approximately how much money Uncyclopedia has now. Oh well, one zero is still more than no zeroes.

In a genius financial maneuver called "eat only Ramen for nine months", Uncyclopedia administrator Isarra has paid for Uncyclopedia's servers until September with what little student loan money she had left.

The remaining three months of 2013 were paid for with money raised from donations, merchandise sales, and advertising on the Uncyclomedia Shop. It cost $277.80 of the site's whopping $307.51, leaving the rest of the admins with barely enough money for their Ferrari gas tanks and an Uncyclopedia Android app.

However, this makes it obvious that the site is not yet financially self-sustaining and that other methods of generating revenue and/or more exposure to Uncyclopedia are needed if the site will do better in 2014. Ideas proposed on IRC include advertising, finding a generous sugar daddy, playing the lottery, and selling synthetic marijuana. Also worth considering is that even though raising awareness of the site through word of mouth and Operation Infamous is embarrassing and socially isolating, it will attract more people who will (hopefully) put money in our cup. And clicking on the ads in our e-store helps a bit too.

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Count to a million fiasco
On July 29th, 2013; the infamous Count to a million thread which is popular for it's time wasting appeal was locked by Frosty in what could be said as "an action of gay gay gay proportions." Several Just three users took to the streets to protest this decision, angry that their only source of time wasting has been taken by one gay snowman; of course, they didn't protest or anything so nothing notable happened.

When we asked Frosty about this, he responded "This is to make sure people edit in the mainspace like they're supposed to, for so long very few edits have taken place in mainspace and it seems like the most popular thing here is that blasted thread. I feel like I've made the perfect choice." However, TheHappySpaceman and co-partner in crime Kırby think otherwise; claiming that "This is just so Frosty can get the "gayest person in the world" award; we've made attempts to make the thread viable by contributing comics and other stuff and to mock all of our attempts, that's gay indeed. Even gayer than Mr. Winkler's F."

Everybody else is oddly not disturbed by this recent conundrum; knowing full well that the thread will be open in a week. "It's nice that we have a motivation to edit mainspace, I was getting tired posting numbers in an attempt to reach a million. Hey, maybe I'll make a featured article in a week." said a random Uncyclopedian. Okay, so it's not much of a fiasco as we portrayed it to be but two people are pissed off and that at least has to make it a mini-fiasco right? As of writing, TheHappySpaceman and Matthlock are currently planning to write a mainspace article, presumably with lots of gay jokes.

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UnDroid
For eons, an Uncyclopedia Android app was only a pipe dream. Maybe like two weeks ago. Thankfully, it's now a reality. The app, developed by some guy you've never heard of named Jude Pereira, can be found here. It's free in exchange for money and referring your friends to download the app. The app also has many exciting features such as AutoTypo 1.0, which shrinks the keypad and allows you to create typos faster than ever before, and Zoom 0.8, an innovative feature allowing you to make large things small and small things large. It's truly revolutionary technology, and it's completely free. So download it, use it, and be somebody.

Biopic
In this Biopic we examine the trials and tribulations of Fakehater who, with a few uploads under his belt (however that works), is taking audio requests in the Village Dump. He says he enjoys proofreading, doing audio, and based on his userpage, The Goonies. He is also into older women but, like most UnNews reporters, he has little to offer any dignified, diabetic septuagenarian. Embarrassingly, his IRC nickname is "arsenic_x", which we're pretty sure is what created the Powerpuff Girls.

From The Logs
• 20:53, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lemonpie (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Infinite ‎ (just fuck off pls)
• 17:13, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of -3600 seconds ‎ (how many dicks could a dick sucker suck if a dick sucker could suck dick?)
• 11:41, July 1, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 31 millennia, 6 centuries, 8 decades, 8 years, 269 days, 17 hours, 37 minutes and 3 seconds ‎ (Better number of nines)

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Top VFH Competitors
• UnNews:Army launches new recruiting ad campaign (8/0.5)
• UnScripts:Your Guide to Notable Literature: Abridged (6.5/0)
• Constantine II (5.5/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week
Katy Perry hit generator (10/0)

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From The Forums
• Remember a time when Uncyclopedia didn't suck
• Hey! This looks like an important thing!
• I can't hear you!
• The day the music was born again and accepted Christ

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UnSignpost News
You are probably noticing that the UnSignpost looks a little bit different. That's because it is. If you don't like it then that's just, like, your opinion and stuff man.

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IRC Quote
[13:35] <DogTheColourful> I WILL FUCK YOUR HOUSE AND BURN YOUR MOTHER DOWN

Anton (talk) 13:35, 8 August 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost: yet another new format but still less news

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

5 May 2014 • Issue #201 • Archives • Press Room

Some headline to make this awful story by an inexperienced editor seem important and newsworthy

By Llwy-ar-lawr
So it seems nothing much goes on these days that's really newsworthy. Sure things happen, new users stop by, edit a while then leave, people write things, but...nothing really notable, you know. But we won't write an entire article about how nothing's happening and how depressing that is because, well, it's depressing, you know? So we're going to tell you about one thing the author - in her extreme vanity - thinks is worthy of reporting and make it seem like that's important and trick you into caring, when you'd really much rather be playing video games or (gasp) writing an article.

This forum resulted in our acquiring a new admin, Llwy-ar-lawr, who is still all over the place just like she was before but now shows up in different places and is making this slow website go a little faster to hide how slow it is (we hope). There are rumours that she sleeps sometimes, but they have yet to be verified. She also happens to be writing this text right now, which is a terrible conflict of interest so we can't say any more on the matter; this means we will distract you with more pointless drivel about nothing. Now back to our regularly scheduled commercials, which we've forgotten to serve you. We bet you were really missing them because they're so yummy and informative. And yellow. That comes from the pee, which is high in nice nutrients like phosgene phosphorus...we think. Probably. We're telling it to you as a fact, though, because we're never wrong.

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Retro Week happens

By Anton199

The Retro Week organisers combat Uncyclopedia's liberal minds.

Uncyclopedians, rejoice! A great victory over the forces of liberalism has been won!

We, the Conservative users of Uncyclopedia, have decided that we don't have enough featured in-jokes, clowns, Really Big Trees, user and disambiguation pages, as if we haven’t pulled enough boners (and templates), we are putting all our past glories on our main page, once again, one by one, ten days a week.

Dear readers, only a few days late, the UnSignpost declares the Retro Week open! Applauds!

Originally Shabidoo's very controversial idea, the Retro Week has grown to become the time when all the Uncyclopedia administrators take an official rest from their site work, unless they are also the UnSignpost editors. You don't believe us? Check the recent changes!

So the 2014 Retro Week opened with a really big tree. A very big one. But it is pretty much everything original about it. It pursued with Slender Lorises, that are able to live in wet and dry forests, next - with Template:Boner, which we are not going to use in this UnSignpost, no matter how many times you ask us. Then came the turn of Hardwick Fundelbuggy's Userpage, featured not because it was funny, but because its author had written a lot of funny stuff (following this logic we can feature sandboxes and user contributions). Finally, we saw the Fire Hydrant spreading its waters around Uncyclopedia and slowing down - if not destroying - the servers.

Amongst other pros of the Retro Week are the facts that it gives users a good excuse for not voting on VFH for a while, because nobody does this anyway and that it is keeping our main page busy, while we are making an UnSignpost for you.

Thank Sophia, it happens only once a year!

Biopic We haven't managed to get hold of anyone long enough to get sufficient information out of them for a biopic. They always managed to ooze away just in time. Must be that slime that's got into the works.

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From The Logs

• 23:35, 1 May 2014 Llwy-ar-lawr (talk | contribs) blocked SPIKE (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 seconds (account creation disabled) (does this do what I think it does?)

• 08:07, 17 April 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked MediaWiki default (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (you can't do that... YOU JUST CAN'T!!)

• 15:09, 10 April 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 166.216.165.0/24 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (anonymous users only, account creation disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (Hey! Hey, guess what? I have a BONER for you to gnaa on! Ha ha ha ha ha pwnt.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Breaking Bad Wind (9/0)

• Why?:Are motorists out to get me when I ride my bike? (9/1)

• UnNews:Massage bugs discovered in Uganda (7/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week This is not an article (12/2)

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From The Forums

• Retro Week is in session

• This looks interesting

• This looks interesting too

• Shiny stuff

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UnSignpost News This is the first UnSignpost issue since August 2013. If that's not news I don't know what is, so stop complaining.

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Chat Quote [22:15] <snerk> I just can't help but think that this is a pattern that is indicative of an anarchist takeover.

– Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 04:37, 5 May 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

Alive at last

We worried --Mimo&maxus 08:50, 19 May 2014 (UTC)

"It is requested that an image or images be included in this article to improve its quality." DOES improve the quality of that article! Al's comment "But he did have a job, family, and friends..." was best real lol for me in a while. Was just passing and a reflex caught me as you noticed on RC I assume... Don't count on the trinity returning though, but perhaps there might be a second coming, I just got back from Egypt, and have a few ideas which may or may happen... MrN 09:01. May 19. 2014

You lemur fucker, I should come and kill you myself. With that last email you sent me, and then radio silence for almost a year, what did you expect me to think. Glad to see you're still walking around the planet though, and I'll get to you on email eventually (maybe in a year or so). Grrrrrrr, and Yayyyyyy!!! "Al" 12:29 19-5-14

Oh cool you're back. Yay and stuff. Say, do you mind telling me what this is? If it came out of an irc discussion I am very sorry to have missed it because I've been kind of not there...and the rest of the story is pretty boring. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 15:16, 19 May 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

It's the obviously the Second Coming! There's a picture of Jesus with an apology for his delayed return next to it. That can only mean we are the chosen ones to spread the word of his homecoming! --Mimo&maxus 15:35, 19 May 2014 (UTC)

Obviously. MrN 16:30. May 19

Would you like me to unblock the account, then? It doesn't seem right to block the messenger of the second coming or whatever. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 16:31, 19 May 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

Actually at the top of my screen now it says "This user is currently blocked.". Strange, I thought I had retired, yet I can edit when blocked??? ... Yes, please Un ban that. I see light in his eyes... I guess I can't blame the spam filter as what I did is / was not normally done. Actually I just had a terrible thought... Hope no one thinks I stepped down because of this or that, I was going to do it as soon as I came back anyway, and the thing I did with spike's page was just me making a reflex as to how I thought it should be. Obviously now I'm not a sysop so it's not up to me. :) (heheh) Anyway, yes... Please resurrect Jesus. Also.. Who are you ??? Have I been away that long that I don't know, or are you someone that I do? MrN 16:47. May 19

Jesus is now resurrected. I am not seeing anything about you being blocked but I suspect an autoblock had something to do with it. You can edit this page because blocked users can edit their own talk page by default - you might have seen a check box on Special:Block saying 'Prevent user from editing own talk page while blocked' or some such, that controls whether you can edit your talk page. Anyway, try editing now? It should work now. Also, I got here in April last year so I'm kind of new and it makes sense that you wouldn't know me. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 16:55, 19 May 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

I think Jesus would approve of this action. Ahh zs you said: "You can edit this page because blocked users can edit their own talk page by default" Yep. That's right now I think of it. Thank you... Actually I don't think I can edit any pages other than my own talk page even now. Which is perfect. MrN 17:10. May 19

(Block log); 17:22 . . Abuse filter (talk | contribs) blocked Jesus Fucking Christ (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) ‎(Automatically blocked by abuse filter. Description of matched rule: Socks)

Wait! Looks like that poor Jesus person is banned again! and he is innocent! This MUST be fixed. maybe we need to have a few less filters and crap and such which "automate" the process of banning users and such, and a few more admins who can make a human decision... maybe... maybe... MrN 17:28. May 19

Says the admin who just stepped down.... Anybody but me 17:30 May 19

The abuse filter in question (won't link it here as it wouldn't tell you anything other than 'you can't see this nanny nanny boo boo') was tripping on accounts that contained the word 'fuck'. I've changed it so it doesn't do that any more - with any luck it'll stop. Ideally there should be a way to make it detect whether the user has been previously blocked by the abuse filter and then unblocked, so that it would 'get the message' that a particular case was a false positive. In any case, though, filter 21 doesn't seem to be terribly relevant to current events, so loosening it a bit shouldn't hurt anything. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 17:44, 19 May 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

I recommend loosening lots of the other filters A LOT also. Unless this wiki has too many new users in which case add more automated ways of blocking people... ;) Jesus Fucking Christ (talk) 17:52, 19 May 2014 (UTC)

We did get a lot of spambots before the filters were tightened. So many that Ban Patrol and QVFD were flooded with them and I think it was Frosty who finally got fed up and said stop flooding ban patrol and qvfd with them because the admins can just find them anyway. Now we only get the odd spambot now and then, but of course they'll always be trying to sign up in great piles all the time, which you can see from the amazing number of spam-looking names in Special:AbuseLog that were prevented from creating accounts. So yes, in a sense, we do get too many new users. However, it just occurred to me that the spam username filter is probably stopping most of the spam, whereas the ones that block people may not be doing so much good and could do with a loosening. And then there's filter 0, which happily blocks people now and then, often legitimate users, but doesn't seem to exist. If you can think of any specific filters that you think are too severe, feel free to point them out to me and I'll mess them up so they work even worse. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 18:02, 19 May 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

Thanks for the detailed explanation. I can't recommend any specific filters, as I can't look at them unfortunately, but (because I am Jesus) I happen to think that some can definitely be eased off. If doing so saves just one soul then it was worth the bother. I understand that you may not have time to perform a through examination of the Uncyc filters in which case perhaps this wiki needs to enlist the support of some new admins who would be keen to enable this task. Jesus Fucking Christ (talk) 18:20, 19 May 2014 (UTC)

They made me an admin less than two months ago because we thought we needed new ones. Do you think we need even more? – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 18:39, 19 May 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

I don't have all the answers. Who do you think I am? Jesus Christ? JFC 19:11. May 19

Lwy, 42. --Mimo&maxus 19:32, 19 May 2014 (UTC)

Love pitchey long time

You really don't like the picture there??? Does it show up too big for mobile (I've never used mobile, and don't think uncy should pander to them at all), or do you just object because? It's the most naked picture we have here, as far as I know, and I thought we'd give our non-Asian readers (who are now warned off anyway) the thrill of an internet lifetime. Suddenly, after reading the page, they come face to face with a "real" full size (aha, that must be added!!) Asian lady (I'll change the caption). Their dream come true, right on the same page they were dreaming it! (that's my reasoning, is it worth a fig?). Aleister 23:18 9=7=14

Think of it this way... You did not get the "joke" re the external links the first time around right? Yet now you think it's funnier to telegraph the joke to the other readers? By saying "paid external links" it makes the whole thing look suspicious, and so people (like those from wikia who also did not notice this joke and removed it) will then be able to notice the joke. That's NOT funny. I don't want people who did not understand that joke to be given a helping hand in understanding it as doing so interferes with the joke for the rest of us who got it the first time around... :P The joke is that along the way this page is (obviously) taking pride in delivering quality eye candy to its viewers. The reader might fairly have expected that those were real external links. BTW I would have NO fundamental problem with someone actually linking to real porn sites in this way if the wanted so long as... well, you know...

Because this is Uncyclopedia we can use whatever image here we want. We could have a lot more naked women than that! I'm sure no trust is required here, I assume you are aware that women can get a lot more naked than that. Especially on Uncyclopedia! ... Anyway... IMO having that huge massive naked picture at the end of the articles kinda spoils the overall tone and impression of the article. Not least the formatting! Think of the children. ... I mean think of the formatting! ... I'm a traditionalist Uncyc dude who likes his articles to look like wikipedia pages. That's why I like a TOC and a ==see also== and usually not a huge massive naked picture at the end of a page. Usually...

Basically I want the article to finish with the "External Links" section. NOT the huge massive naked picture. I think perhaps the solution to this disagreement is maybe to move the huge massive naked picture to the middle of the article? Or maybe just slightly up from the bottom of the article?

Obviously, I have no issue with the huge massive naked picture, and I will admit. ... You got me. I did not get the "life size" joke until the second time I looked at it. I therefore recommend possibly getting a larger huge massive naked picture and putting it somewhere in the article other than right at the end. I also think that if the huge naked massive enormous naked picture was not actually naked then it would actually be funnier.

IMO I think Uncyc should have hardcore porn in articles completely unrelated to porn, but on articles which are actually being porn, if we actually provide "porn" then it's not actually funny. Because it's kinda a bit captain obvious. That's why the 'external links' section appealed to me so much, because it was so un-captain obvious that many missed it. It's kinda my same view RE the Hypes Captain Auto article. I actually think that in that article there should be no erect cock showing, but say in an article about classical English pottery it would be fine to have a 10" BBC squirting all over the place. Also, and in MrN type thing... It would be more funny to have a 10" cock on an article about English pottery if most of the other "porn" type articles on Uncyc themselves were actually rather 'tame' in terms of porn.

I think the answer is that all images which need to be given a 'judgement' of porn or not porn should be placed on my talk page. I will give a judgement of either:

• A: "Would wank"

or

• B: "Would not wank".

This judgement can then be used to decide is each image can be use in a "porn" type article or not. To perform this operation for the entire wiki we will need to get Socky back as only he knows (MadMax also knows but knows better) the true structure of Uncyclopedias pornography and actually knows where all the "porn" articles are.

It's a dream...

A fig? I had no idea you were in the Fédération Internationale de Gymnastique. That explains how you are so flexible. :P

Wait. Actually serious issue... "Does it show up too big for mobile" I have no opinion about mobile, but at home we have the computer hooked up to the TV and so have a low resolution. That combined with having the web browser zoomed in means that some of the recent edits which you have done where you have made images bigger actually completely mess up the formatting in some places. Try it. Try setting your resolution down a bit and zoom your browsers in. Some pages only have enough room for one word per line. If I had to pull a number out of my ass right now without thinking about it I would suggest that we should go for it looking good in 800-600 even, not just 1024-768 maybe. Have not thought about it much though... MrN 01:30. Jul 10

hai

*Denza blows kiss <3 --The Defender of Light >Grand Warlock Danzathel Aetherwing Inventory 20:08, 12 July 2014 (UTC)

You sucked off Gene Simmons? MrN 20:26. Jul 12

That song

What exact song were you talking about?--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 04:44, 13 July 2014 (UTC)

You know. The one with the guy standing at the back. Don't pretend you don't know. MrN 04:46. Jul 13

Is it about a stalker?--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 04:52, 13 July 2014 (UTC)

Probably. Everything comes down to stalking in the end. Or so my welfare officer informs me. No, I meant that guy. You know, the guy? The white guy? Standing at the back. Don't pretend you don't know... MrN 04:56. Jul 13

I'm not a huge fan of 80's stuff,but I now believe it is "Every Breath You Take" by The Police. I've noticed that some Uncyclopedians have a great taste in older music.--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 04:59, 13 July 2014 (UTC)

Nooooo. The white guy in All-4-One. :P He even edited Uncyclopedia himself. Or so they say... MrN 05:04. Jul 13

Ever seen Pearl Jam's "Jeremy" video?--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 05:11, 13 July 2014 (UTC)

It's pants. MrN 05:26. Jul 13

What do you mean "It's pants?"--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 05:58, 13 July 2014 (UTC)

Either you have forgetful socks or I have not been on this wiki for a while... MrN 06:14. Jul 13

Ever heard of Mott the Hoople?--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 03:50, 14 July 2014 (UTC)

Jesus did some Rolling Away The Stone. MrN 10:33. Jul 14

But it wasn't a rock...--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 20:36, 14 July 2014 (UTC)

Anal funnel

Hello. On the Asian page I'm kind of uncomfortable with so much anal talk, and will try to tone it down or funny it up (i.e. anal funnel). Do you really want all that anal? I mean, anal, come on, what's with you and Asian anal? And aren't you supposed to be dead? In honor of your lifeness and enjoyment of writing about anal, I give you another' classic (aren't they all?) by my favorite internet group, "Garfunkel & Oates". Aleister 23:00 14-7-14 (nice numbers)

p.s. At the end there are links to lots of Garfunkel and Oates vids. If you watch every one you may find yourself recommending them to friends and enemies alike.

Genius. --ShabiDOO 23:16, 14 July 2014 (UTC)

"Think outside the box" ... I have absolutely no idea what just happened. Did Aleister just ask me if I wanted anal? ... Or are we talking about an article? ... Dudes. I don't remember putting any anal anywhere and if I fiddled with any I was just playing with what was there when I arrived. Honest! Anyway, I don't know the Asian Women stereotypes that well myself so could not actually comment on if Filipina women are particularly difficult to have anal sex with or not. MrN 00:01. Jul 15

No, you may not have anal from me, thank you for asking so nicely though. And I wasn't accusing you of putting the anal in, I was commenting on it being in there and seeing if you wanted all of it or we could remove some, which there wasn't that much of anyway (I did another run-through). The page may need some trimming, if you know what I mean. Or maybe not, it doesn't seem close to being done though. What do you feel or read out on that feeling? Aleister some hours or weeks later

Feel or read out of that feeling? I feel that you want to do something different with the article. :) I think the tone and style of this article is changing a lot now. :) I thought we were going for it being written from the POV of a sexist westerner, which explained the need for snatches crudeness and such. Like this was a guide written by an experienced person from the west who often takes advantage of the facilities offered by asian women. It was a rather sexist article. Sexist, but funny. Now it's a lot less sexist, and I'm not sure if perhaps that has had a hit on the funny considering that crudeness was needed to make the sexism work. I guess now it's moved over to be written almost as though it was written by an asian woman, who was trying to write as a western male. Which is suppose is what is to be expected. :P I'm not sure which was more funny. I think perhaps it's lost some of its edge now, or maybe I'm not appreciating it. I will have another read through at some point soon. :) MrN 01:31. Jul 15

Watch this video: --Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 01:18, 15 July 2014 (UTC)

Dude. When this music came out I was aware then as I am now that it sucks. Unfortunately you appear to have fallen in love with a genre of music which is very, very, poor... MrN 01:31. Jul 15

Here's one you might like...--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 01:49, 15 July 2014 (UTC)

MrN is right, this is crappy music and if you are in love with it we feel sorry for you. There will be better at some point. Have you tried Sinead O'Connor's roots album? Dude. Have you seen Anne Hathaway's performance in Les Mes? Dude. Ah, the article, a brilliant idea, exposing at the end that the author was an Asian woman. No, I never wanted to insult Asian women, I wouldn't have started work on the page if that was the case. Making it both a beat-off page and an article full of factual magical and/or practical information is the way to go, I thought, and that's why I was working on it. Check out my new run-through, and let's find an appropriate picture of an intelligent Asian women to run centered at the end introducing her as the author. Fucking cool, you are a genius in ultragenius clothing. Aleister 2:10 14-7-14

The only genius here is Aleister who consistently converts everyone around him into his way of thinking by persuading them that it was all their idea in the first place. I'm glad he is on our side. Or I think he is... :) ... Yes. A good idea of yours about writing it in a style as written by an asian woman. I think we need to keep it like she is trying to pretend to be western so as to get her article 'allowed' and kept by the Uncyc admins who she knows are all sexist and so panders to that humour style in the article. Also, if we do that, we need to loose your warning header I think. 'She' would not put that no? .. Might not be able to edit again tonight... MrN 02:31. Jul 15

hahaha. Maybe not writing in the style as much, but the Asian woman who is writing it has enough of a sense of humor and misdirection (the key is that she has to sneak in that bit about all of Asia being run by Asian women, which is subversive, so she has to chase away the Asian men from reading the page) to add in the beginning part about not reading it. It's an inside out Modus strip covered in arrows pointing everywhere but up. heehee. Aleister tuesday

It's a lot smoother now, and fits as a package a lot better. Shame we had to get rid of a few of the punchy lines we did have as she would never have said them. Do you think maybe we should let her use more explicit language? I think if we use "snatches" it's not right to use "love tunnel" later on. If it's snatches in one place, it don't make sense if she avoids using crude words in other places. Is she pretending to be western or just writing as herself? MrN 13:29. Jul 15

Hello!! I will get that email address to your later. You are probably asleep now. Snatches? Way too crude for the page, I don't remember where it is or the context. What a disgusting use of language on an English-speaking encyclopedia, and my shame is overflowing (into a cup of lizard phlegm). The page needs a little more work, a run though or three more, imnho. And more skin, why is there so little skin? Boggles the mind. More soon. Aleister 00:51 18-7-14

Perhaps 'She' would need "snatches" if she was trying to convince them that she was not her. Which I thought we/she/he?/us were? .. If you get my drift. It's cool as it is obviously. Ready for VFH you think? MrN 01:08. Jul 18

96 Tears

Did you like that song?--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 04:40, 15 July 2014 (UTC)

It would have been better in the style of '100 bottles of beer on the wall' Aleister wednesday

Dude. MrN 13:25. Jul 15

Do you like "Layla" by Derek and the Dominos?--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 15:52, 15 July 2014 (UTC)

I wrote the article. MrN 15:54. Jul 15

Do you like "Rock Lobster" by the B-52's? A true late 70s new wave classic.--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 18:17, 15 July 2014 (UTC)

You know the answer to that. MrN 19:14. Jul 15

Ever heard of Captain Beefheart AKA Good Crap?--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 21:43, 15 July 2014 (UTC)

Why do you ask? MrN 22:44. Jul 15

Neo-Luddite Dynamite

Okay, let's clear some things up:

• The actual Unabomber Manifesto specifically reads "The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.".
• The words to the karaoke number from the end of Napoleon Dynamite are "Yes, I love technology..". This song is more important for the sake of parody the the exactly words in the Unabomber Manifesto. Otherwise, it doesn't work as parody.
• Ted Kaczynski is classified as a Neo-Luddite.

That's all. Everything else you're doing is peachy. The expansions to the Betty White article, for example, were great. -- Kip the Egg Talk Works 21:26, Jul. 16, 2014

Peachy eh? Well, thank you. ... Ah. Now I understand. I had either forgotten, or did not know that this article was about the Unabomber until I clicked on the Dr. Theodore Kaczynski link. Noooooowwwwww it all makes sense. :D Unfortunately, I don't know very much about the Unabomber, with my own speciality obviously being more with the Pants Bomber. MrN 21:53. Jul 16

Summer in the city.--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 20:25, 17 July 2014 (UTC)

Do you like the song "Baba O'Riley" by The Who? Nothin' but a Teenage Wasteland--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 21:25, 17 July 2014 (UTC)

Dude. Do you know what a "conversation" is? MrN 22:04. Jul 17

"Tape from California" by Phil Ochs. Well, anything by Phil Ochs. I left a message for you above in the Asian women discussion. It's about Phil Ochs. Aleister 00:53 18-7-14

I just listened to a bit of Tape of California. It reminded me of: Joan Baez - Rejoice in the Sun

Which is from one of my favourite films. MrN 01:14. Jul 18

Sorry to change the subject but would a article on the British big beat band The Prodigy be funny?--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 22:48, 20 July 2014 (UTC)

Asain Women, Rwound eyes

I've been gone for a few days. I'd like to do at least one more run through on the page. It doesn't feel ready to me, polishing and additions or edditions usually move that into the green zone. So, if it ever becomes a feature, Buddha willing, may it give off a glow of pleasure and intelligence, an Asian woman playing with her audience. The warning at the front is real, though, added by an Asian man, so she didn't write that or write the ending bit from the Surgeon General either, we should make that clear with a footnote or something. Just thinking out loud, like a tourettee's baby learning how to talk. Seem right to you? Moose 22:27 22-7-14

It's back! - The UnSignpost

The UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

25 July 2014 • Issue #202 • Archives • Press Room

UnSignpost: Return of the worst newspaper in history! By Frosty

Uncyclopedia. A kelpy substance.

Uncyclopedia is like a moldy pile of kelp right now. Not a lot of fun is happening right now. Or is it? Well probably not, but the UnSignpost is back! You know that newspaper that occasionally makes appearances on your talkpage that you also totally read. More than ever this newspaper will be uninformative, filled with articles that seem to endlessly ramble on about nothing in particular just to serve as filler and most importantly it will be the newspaper written by barely literate drunks.

Of course, you must ask, will this project actually be happening on any regular basis? You bet! Certain people who are extremely vain, as proven by the writing himself into the article will try and deliver you an UnSignpost every single Friday! That is of course, unless he gets devoured by a moldy pile of kelp. Then it might not happen. Other writers may also take part in this wonderful franchise, but let's face it, it's more likely that you read this entire article through to the end, than people actually write for this place anymore.

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New admin time By Frosty
Once again we find ourselves in that horrible, horrible mode of electing new administrators for Uncyclopedia. A process that never fails to see at least three users permanently quit the site because of "hurt feelings". But apparently, this time will be different. Although we say that every time, we truly mean it this time. Every drama stirrer will win an all expenses paid trip to RAHB's secret rape dungeon where they will have their anus mercilessly pounded with a stick coated in pieces of broken glass, and to top it off, the glass pieces will have been soaked in the HIV virus before hand.

Serious candidates include Kip the Dip, Mr-ex777 and Leverage; and not so serious candidates include RAHB, vandals from 2008 and DungeonSiegeAddict510 (let's face it, who'd vote for him?). And although newspapers are supposed to be non-bias and non-speculative, if you don't vote for Kip, Mr-ex or Leverage you are a loser. Plain and simple.

Users are all encouraged to vote, because unlike with the presidential election, your vote counts! Further more, not every single candidate is a loser, most of them are, but not all of them. Voting commences on August 1, so get ready for some old fashion in your face comedy tragedy!

Biopic For the first time in 2014, we actually have a biopic! This week's biopic is Banzaikitten, who, is one of the very few new comers of 2014 to not bugger off within 7 days of signing up. We would like to thank SPIKE for his contribution in bringing Banzaikitten closer to us through his "take no prisoners" banning style on Wikia. If it wasn't for this, Banzaikitten would never have quit Wikia and joined us at the chosen Uncyclopedia. Please take a moment to thank Banzaikitten for being one of the very, very, VERY few users to join in recent times.

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From The Logs

• 14:56, 23 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) changed block settings for 184.7.86.140 (talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I've decided to use lube. You should feel so lucky.)

• 00:55, 19 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked 184.7.81.56 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Chronic sock wanking and being a really shit vandal.)

• 14:41, 1 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 23.105.212.133 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I’m coming at you like a dark horse)

Top VFH Competitors

• F4 (10/0)

• Potatoe (10/0)

• Bidet (10/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (13/0)

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From The Forums

• Well, do you?

• Goes without saying, this is Uncyclopedia.

• Good riddance!

• Oh boy...

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UnSignpost News If you've read the UnSignpost all the way to this point, you need help. Seriously.

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Chat Quote [17:12] You have been disconnected. Attempting to reconnect for you...

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:14, 25 July 2014 (UTC)

Two weeks in a row? A new record! It's the UnSignpost

The UnSignpost

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

01 August 2014 • Issue #203 • Archives • Press Room

...And they're off! By Frosty

Just as lame and boring as a horse race, except without the gambling.

Predictably (and because let's face it, nothing else is happening on the site), the admin election takes the lead story. For those of you living under a rock and those that are just plain slow, Kip the Dip is leading the race by far (+19) and should win be a few lengths, this is definitely because of how hard his jockey is riding him. Cat the Colourful is trailing at second with +13, followed by Leverage at +8 and Banzaikitten at +6. Other notable mentions include Aleister, Mr-ex777, Lost Labyrinth Mattsnow and DungeonSiegeAddict510 who have all succeeded in avoiding the highly embarrassing score of getting +1 or less. Feel free to message the losers with negative scores and point and laugh a lot hahaha.

It shuld be no surprise that the page has been mercilessly trolled with other complete joke nominations including The Chief of AIDS and The Zombie of AIDS.

If you haven't been to the forum yet to cast your vote, do it today! Uncyclopedia admin elections: Twice the drama, half the fat!

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VFH smells By Frosty
This story is nothing short of a PSA, circle-jerking with traces of vote whoring in as well. If you are reading this, you should vote on VFH. VFH voting takes very effort and makes it, at the very least appear, that we have active users. So get down there some time today and vote on all the articles. Some might say you need to actually read them first, well this is (probably) a good idea, but do bear in mind that we don't actually know if you've read it or not. And unlike, when you didn't read Hamlet in your 9th grade English class there is not going to be a surprise test on the matter.

You should also go vote on Frosty's article(s) currently on VFH, it's the least you could do after he SINGLE HANDEDLY wrote this terrible newspaper for you. If you don't, the length of his e-penis will decrease considerably all because he didn't get another feature on a website with a userbase smaller than an Eastern Siberian village.

Biopic This week's biopic is the user named TheRealSexyFluttershy, which just goes to show how desperate we are for biopics that we are willing to write about literally anyone who shows a vague interest or presence in the site. TheRealSexyFluttershy can be found on The Internet Relay Chats discussing things that have relevance to ponies and poopdick on a disturbingly regular basis. However, he does occasionally make the odd presence on the Wiki and even more occasionally he makes useful edits to some page or another.

If you appreciate him go to his talk page and thank him for his noble contributions in the field of poopdick, if you don't appreciate him please feel free to spam his page with poopdick (although he may start furiously masturbating).

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From The Logs

• 16:25, 25 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) (You look like you're doing something important right now. Are you? What is it? Why are you doing it? Did I break it? Would that be bad?)

• 11:46, 26 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (Asking for it, begging for it actually.)

• 09:24, 29 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 173.44.44.121 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Now sit in your corner and think about what you've done)

Top VFH Competitors

• Rape (11/0)

• What's-his-name off that thing (10/0)

• F4 (10/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (14/0)

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From The Forums

• Vote if you haven't already!

• Bunch of sluts!

• This has been bumped again, add yourselves!

• How often should we feature things?

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UnSignpost News Frosty thinks all the other administrators are highly useless. Yeah, sorry guys but you are.

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Chat Quote [21:19] <sleeptyper> RAHB dislikes niggers

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:43, 1 August 2014 (UTC)

MrN and Asian women, a combination made in heaven and consummated in hell

Hello me bucko. I think I'm alright with the Asian women page now, at least for VFH purposes. I see you are gone again, so if you don't disagree I'll nom it on Wednesday (to give you time to get back from the ashram), or in case I don't hear from you about it. Asian women are clamoring. Aleister 16:16 16-16-16

You are stupid and I HATE you!

Ugh. You're like a sick donkey or something you gross. You are such a gross. I hope you choke on your sick, gross donkey vomit you awful, hate HATE hat! The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 01:27, 5 August 2014 (UTC)

Does this look infected to you? It's the UnSignpost!

The UnSignpost

Now with 20% more ninjas!

08 August 2014 • Issue #204 • Archives • Press Room

The return of TKF (sort of)! By Frosty

Filial Piety.

Not that much over a year ago, TKF left us with the classic "I'm quitting forever in a highly obnoxious and auto-fellating manor". For about 66 seconds Uncyclopedians everywhere were sad, we all fapped in sadness at the loss of our beloved TKF and things were never going to be quite the same again. Then we all thought to ourselves "good riddance, I hope he contracts Anthrax and dies."

No surprise, but he has come back under the highly illusive nickname "Argylesocks" which is obviously not somebodies sockpuppet because it contains the word socks in it. I mean, if you were a sockpuppet would you give it away so easily? Flawless logic! He can also be found on IRC chatting casually under the "dcik", showing his support for "The Dyslexia Support Foundation".

Head over to his user page and talk page to find out details about his awesome "Uncyclopedia Retrospect project" which is probably some grand social experiment documenting the life and times of hopeless losers on the internet, but hey it SOUNDED COOL.

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Forum dramaz By Frosty
Uncyclopedia has recently had an infestation. An infestation of drama. Drama is bad mmkay? Aside from the obvious fact users get banned, users quit and people proceed to hate each other to the point where you would rub hot English Mustard into their prolapsed anus if you ever saw them in the street, drama distracts you from writing. As does reading the UnSignpost. But reading the UnSignpost is more constructive as the constant not so subliminal messaging telling you to write articles is plastered everywhere. WRITE ARTICLES.

But drama can be entertaining when coupled with cheap scotch and buttered popcorn to the humble obverser. But mainly it's bad, so stop it. No matter how funny you think your drama mongering will never compete with Asperger's Syndrome is no laughing matter... ...and the sequel rest of the trilogy.

Biopic This week's biopic is Chaoarren, which if you haven't meet him yet... You suck basically. He can be found on IRC, occasionally editing the Wiki and frequently reporting established users to Ban patrol because "they made fun of him in his pink skirt" or "he smells funny". Chaoarren has also done the highly laughable feat of running dead last in the most vote rigged admin election in history, where losers like Kip the Dip and Colin actually stand a chance of winning losing.

He's also a noob that hasn't buggered off yet. I wish more of them were like you Chaoarren... I really do...

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From The Logs

• 11:50, 6 August 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 107.182.115.32 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (You are the weakest Chink. Goodbye.)

• 06:40, 6 August 2014 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked XReaper (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (Horse dick)

• 06:14, 5 August 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 107.182.116.97 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Enjoy this beefy cock.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Rape (12/1)

• F4 (11/0)

• Jared Leto (10/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week What's-his-name off that thing (12/0)

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From The Forums

• Vote spam (again)

• Are you a bigger slut than RAHB?

• What this is I don't even

• This'll be good...

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UnSignpost News Confucius say "Shut the fuck up and edit an article".

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Chat Quote [20:17] <James_T> My dick is large

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 8 '14 12:20 (UTC)

More {{Boner}}s than a ragged Playgirl: It's the UnSignpost!

The UnSignpost

Now with 20% more ninjas!

15 August 2014 • Issue #205 • Archives • Press Room

I'm back By Sir Peasewhizz

It was dark times being without Uncyclopedia. Maybe if I got out of the dark and went outside once in while it would be less dark. But you know, lazy me.

I plan to visit Uncyclopedia and do my 'thang (wink wink) at least once a week. But I hold no promises because you can't trust me. I'm a hoe and 3!OH!3 told you to NOT TRUST HOES.

However, I'm sure you guys found out why I was absent from the site for a good 200 years 4+ months and it was because my old laptop KOed and I finally got a new one for school.

So that means I won't be uploading images of Madiq. (pictured)...

Madiq.

I missed you, just kidding, but really. However, I didn't forget you, maybe sometimes,

Is this a haiku or something? My grammar sucks too.

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New admins for you!

By Sir Peasewhizz

New admins/sysops.

Beware everyone, as a result of this there is now an additional 8 new sysops/administrators. They all expect BJS and prizes.
Kip the Dip

Leverage

Supergeeky1

Banzaikitten

Mr-ex777

Colin "All your base" Heaney

Lost Labyrinth

Cat the Colourful

They expect sacrifices. So chop, chop. Make haste.

Biopic This weeks biopic is on someone who doesn't read Uncyclopedia (but they will because we will make them through laughter har har). Her name is Elizabeth and she's from Australia. She showed Sir Peasewhizz her tits...

They were nice. And that is it for today's Biopic. What the fuck did you expect? A fucking biography on the Borgia family?

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From The Logs

• 05:37, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (talk | contribs) (I felt bad ;_;)

• 05:36, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Adminning while drunk)

• 05:35, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) resurrected Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs)

Top VFH Competitors

• Humans (12/0)

• F4 (13/0)

• HowTo:Cure homosexuality (11/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week UnBooks:Holmes On Homes (16/0)

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From The Forums

• Vote spam (again)

• Roman Dog Bird

• Unban a bastard or nah?

• Why is it? Well... because..

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UnSignpost News This just in: Don't hit your children.

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Chat Quote

[23:56] <SirPeasewhizz> I'm going to go watch anime

[23:57] <thefakeazned525> Which one?

[23:58] <SirPeasewhizz> Uhm Yugioh GX because I'm feeling nostalgic for shitty card games

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 15 '14 20:10 (UTC)

Hello

Well, I returned from my holiday about a month ago, but still haven't seen a glimpse of you on recent changes, my watchlist and/or Uncyclopedia's remaining corners. The reason for the lateness of this message was that I wanted to add something substantial to Freemasons before notifying you about anything but I have lost all of the ideas I had on the topic, even though my research was quite successful (and I would love to discuss it with you). The only thing I've accomplished with the article was to extinguish its soul and humour with a fire-extinguisher and put a construction template on top of the ashes. Could you lend a hand, please?

And what's that "words of Jesus F Christ" thing? I saw you opened a forum where you shared your ideas about reforming Uncyclopedia and half of them have already been accomplished (or one third, to be more precise). Have you witnessed the recent events?

Oh, I know what happened to you. I must have guessed it before, but now it's too late. I know you knew something, something you couldn't tell about the New World Order. Now, they've got you. I won't doubt if the Masons had their hands in this. But don't worry: I will tell all the truth in the upcoming article! I am suddenly regaining my inspiration! Anton (talk) 22:40, 19 August 2014 (UTC)

Yeah we opped like 8 people. Now you have to comeback. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 22:47, 19 August 2014 (UTC)

We gave The UnSignpost an enema, so now it's regular!

The UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

22 August 2014 • Issue #206 • Archives • Press Room

It's the USP!

By Banzaikitten
Welcome to another no longer sporadic edition of Unsignpost. Yes, the quantity of USP's being written has gone through the roof in the last few weeks and as such there is absolutely nothing to report- hence why people who have previously never written one of these are being roped in. One thing of note that has changed is I am now an admin and as such can block RAHB with impunity. God I love to block RAHB. There is nothing quite like the fizzy rush in the root of your penis and the dizzy thrill you get in your anus when blocking RAHB. I urge all who can to try it.

Banzaikitten warns you that this UnSignpost may change your sexual orientation.

But anyway, I'm an admin now and I'm going to try and be the best admin that I can be, and judging from my recent attempt at changing the featured article, and all the admins reactions to my fuck up, the best admin I can be is one who does absolutely no administration work and just writes the occasional UnNews. Thanks for all your votes.

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RAHBs Sexuality By Banzaikitten
I know I've already spoken about RAHB but god help me I just can't stop. We all like voting and there is a very important vote occuring right now. You, yes you, could decide what sexuality RAHB is. Come the end of the vote RAHB sexuality will be decided for him and he will have to perform sexual acts of that nature for the rest of time. I'm hoping Ponies wins.

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Shame on you By the curate

As the curate and the moral compass of this sinful land I must say that I have been appalled at the terrible news that my milkman brought to me. Although I don't remember his exact words, I'll try to reconstruct his speech from my memory, which - and for this I thank God - I am still honored to possess, despite my respectable age.

“ Now, I heard Mr What's-his-name talk to his son about something he heard in the neighbor's house, which I didn't hear, but Mr. What's-his-name-again described it so well that I am positive I can repeat it almost word-by-word. So his neighbor was giving his dog its food and commenced discussing our village's events with it, Mrs. Elizabeth soon became the topic of the conversation, and she, as you know, has a daughter... And a cat. Oh, what a fine Siamese cat! But it is of no relation to our current subject. So e man and his pet chattered on and on and, apparently, that dog ... oh, I mean the man (but, you know, from a distance you really can't tell the difference) uttered that "Mrs. Elizabeth's daughter once read an educational page on the Internet, which talked about homosexuality and how you cure it." And can you guess who the author its author was? Mr. Frosty, the man who lives next door to you! ”

These were the words of the milkman. However, this isn't all. I was not terrified when I heard this, because teaching fellow villagers to cure an abominable disease, which homosexuality certainly is, is a commendable act from Mr. Frosty's part, especially if it was done with no impulse other than to save good Christians.

Alas, I, we have been greatly deceived in our trust! Beware of the appearances, especially when they are found on the unholy Internet!

Ah, wicked men! I, your curate, willing to help your ungrateful souls, decided to try the so-praised advice of Mr. Frosty on myself and proceeded to accomplish it yesterday. I did everything he said to the very last phrase and - I swear by the Holy Grail - it didn't work! Biopic bakpak2hvy is a guy who frequently lurks on our IRC without saying anything. The other day he said something.

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From The Logs

• 15:59, August 16, 2014 Cat the Colourful (talk | contribs) blocked Chaoarren (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ([22:58] <Chaoarren> Can I get joke banned? :D)

• 15:00, August 15, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked DungeonSiegeAddict510 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (As you aided my quest to take over Uncyclopedia, have a block. I was meant to give this to you earlier but you were already banned for 40 minutes. Have a 1 second extension!)

• 05:57, August 15, 2014 Banzaikitten (talk | contribs) blocked Cat the Colourful (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 seconds (Fuck Finland)

Top VFH Competitors

• Humans (12/1)

• UnDebate:What does the fox say? (13/2)

• Jared Leto (11/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week F4 (13/0)

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From The Forums

• Olipro is a dick-tator.

• Vote for rainbow names?!

• Vote on RAHB's sexuality.

• View this if you're feeling hot.

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UnSignpost News

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Chat Quote
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> so I wrote the USP kind of
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> its entirely about RAHB
[17:16] <RAHB> Awesome

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 22 '14 2:12 (UTC)

Hey sexy!

OMG I can't freakin' decide...

I need to paint another portrait of Jared Leto, and I just can't choose which hairstyle I like the most. He's so freakin' hot!!!
Thanks for voting to feature Jared Leto on the main page!

An extra special thanks for the nom ;) ~Formerly Annoying Crap 06:11, 26 August 2014

OMG! A WILD USP IS ON THE LOOSE!

The UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

7 September 2014 • Issue #207 • Archives • Press Room

Returning MASTERMINDS

By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop throwing tomatoes you assholes! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.

Okay, so what is really going on, you may say? 'I'm about to fucking tell you. Enjoy.

The legendary Xamralco, who pwns.

Did you know that every ten seconds: another ten seconds kicks in? Yeah, mind equals blown right now, eh? Did you know that the return of one legendary user triggers other legendary users to return as well? When Argylesocks returned from his previous state (not Blue Mountain), it only was a matter of time until the legend named MadMax returned from his couple-of-months-long sojourn in the wild country known as Ethiopia. MadMax does not steal the few supplies of food Ethiopia has, you sick fuck! HE HAS A SOUL.

For those who have heard of the legendary Xamralco, he has returned to. He is an admin and a fantastic writer. We love him. You love. YOU LOVE HIM.

Okay? Okay.

Now if anyone sees Dawg, slap him and tell him to come back. And for Olipro... gosh. I can't even.

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Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Biopic For this edition of your favorite paper, the USP, we had the chance to get the Biopic for one of the biggest badasses to ever live. That person/thingy/chatter was auror, whom we found frolicking in our IRC channel one evening.

When we asked auror if she would like to be Biopic'ed (did I spell that right? SPELL CHECK PLS) she gave a powerful speech.

“ no ”

Thank you! Give it up for auror!

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From The Logs

• 00:54, September 1, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked IlanaZkhfzm (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (user did not suck Leverage's cock as promised)

• 16:02, August 31, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked AleidaJbjo (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (sister did not suck my cock as promised)

• 12:24, August 29, 2014 Kip the Dip (talk | contribs) blocked Electric Pope (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 7 centuries, 4 decades, 8 years, 364 days, 14 hours, 38 minutes and 24 seconds (Annoying douchebag.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Shirley Phelps-Roper (8/0)

• Rape (12/6)

• UnNews:Everyone who hates ice bucket challenge donating money to charity (7/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week Psychedelic Rosie and Her Coat of Many Colors (9/0)

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From The Forums

• Sir Peasewhizz came up with a great idea apparently, but nobody has replied. So screw his idea.

• Leverage wants people to update/add/fladangle with the DYK shit. Shall we? We should. Maybe. Idk. DO IT.

• Inspiring parody

• UnMedicine project page? Is anyone here a doctor? WELL THEN YOU'RE A NERD!

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UnSignpost News The USP will be delivered on Sundays now. (or around then)

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Chat Quote
[17:42] <ColinAYB> Kippy is forever topical

[17:42] <ColinAYB> Just like the lotion he uses when he takes it to the hub.

[17:46] <Kippy> You don't even need to see all the nudity to take it to the hub.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 03:11, 7 September 2014 (UTC)

Unsignpost delivery attempt numbr hideous implosion

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

14 September 2014 • Issue #208 • Archives • Press Room

Pee Review pls

By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop hurling babies at me! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.

It is days like these when I realize what a cruel world we live in. It seems that Pee Review has bitten the dust. For just a few minutes of your day and some cash you can help solve this crisis. Seriously, you hoes.

Piss on my review quests.

Olipro is gay.

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Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Yes, I copied this from the last issue of the USP, you boner goblins. That picture of gold? That was also from the last issue, as well.

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Uncyclopedia App

By Anton199

There has recently (a certain amount of time before the latest UnSignpost issue) been a lot of talk about creating an Uncyclopedia App as well as an Uncyclospecies. The idea consists in producing and selling the app which will transform all the human beings who use them into Uncyclopedians. The majority of the users (about 50% of those two who really participated) found this idea great (think that it is funny to talk about) and maybe even began working on it (asked someone else to think about it). Nothing else is known about them, as they disappeared soon after the first experiments were held.

The main problem this project has is that, in fact, nobody knows how to create an app. In addition to this, there is no money, as most of it was spent on Ferraris, that were supposed to bring more money but didn't. Finally, some people think that it might be harmful for the environment (nobody cares).

The project is currently being discussed (some users still post random spam on the forum) and with a certain probability the app is going to be created in nearby future (it is never going be to created but some people do think about it). Biopic Alas, an actual Biopic for SEPTEMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Today, the Biopic will be on a man who carries the identity, MrC. He was doing some hardcore crunches while he was surfing the IRC and thus we gained a little more info this is a run on sentence fuk yea murica.

His origin: "Some Uncyclopedians messed around in another channel recently. After hearing all the stories and rumors, I figured I'd like to see for myself."

So when we asked MrC if he could tell us how to get, how to get to Sesame Street, he said "I don't know... bribe Cookie Monster with a cookie?"

There you have it, words of wisdom BOOI!

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From The Logs

• 22:20, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked LorrineLundy (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Orange is the new black. Welcome to Internet Jail, Lorrine.)

• 22:14, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked CharissSparrow (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Dude, your gay porn name is lame)

• 22:12, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked VictorForest (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Eat my crotch-forest, Victor.)

Top VFH Competitors

• UnNews:Everyone who hates ice bucket challenge donating money to charity (8/1)

• My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection (6/0)

• A letter about Megan Fox (6/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week Shirley Phelps-Roper (9/0)

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From The Forums

• Piss on these

• Proposal of Changes

• Drugs?

• Allahland...

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UnSignpost News Hi. This is a lazy edition of the UnSignpost.

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Chat Quote
[21:46] Star651 has quit (Quit: Page closed)

[21:46] SirPeasewhizz: NOOOOO

[21:46] SirPeasewhziz: BAE

Brace Yourselves, The UnSignpost is Coming!

The UnSignpost

Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

21 September 2014 • Issue #209 • Archives • Press Room

IMPERIAL COLONIZATION OR NAH? By Sir Peasewhizz

SUCK MY ASSSS!

Previously, in the past, Uncyclopedia has done a project called Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization, which mimics is a battle against crap-quality articles. We recently have finished the colonization of Albert Einstein, because fuck we didn't need a good article on him before amiright?

Anyways I'm telling you this because it would be soooo sweet if we could get this running again... and I kinda need Xamralco or any other admin to combine histories again because I just found out I shouldn't have moved the project myself...

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Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins. (third issue in a row)

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Wow a third week of using the same entry in a row? GEEZ.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!

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From The Logs

• 13:13, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked WolfganKix (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Wolfgan's arse is going to get Kix if he doesn't stop making accounts here.)

• 13:12, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked JanetteMelton (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (You brought your girlfriend with you? How sweet. She can fuck off too once she's tossed me off.)

• 13:11, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked AndreBecker (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (OMG A SPAMBOT! I've missed seeing you around man. Where you been these past few days? It's been so emotional. Okay, emotional reunion is over. Now fuck off.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Antibiotics (9/0)

• My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection (9/0)

• Firesheep (8/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week Ludwig Wittgenstein (9/0)

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From The Forums

• Enter On This day submissions, plz.

• Mobile issues

• Sorry, I don't speak Cuntenese. (Bot rights or something)

• Mass massaging messaging can now be used by the admins!!

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UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.

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Chat Quote
[15:07] bakpak2hvy is edible.

[15:07] TheFakeazneD525 chews on bakpak2hvy

The USP is coming for you! (and your little dog too)

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

28 September 2014 • Issue #210 • Archives • Press Room

Incoming October bullshit

By Sir Peasewhizz
So apparently, October follows September. As we all know, Halloween follows September. This means that I get to make a suggestion, amirite?

So I was thinking long and hard one day (which was literally five minutes not twenty-four hours) about something cool we could do for Halloween this year. No, I don't mean egg your neighbor's house... I was thinking maybe we could feature something on Halloween?

Okay yes, I know this is something we basically do every year, and I know you are reading this preparing to accuse me of filling space... and you'd be right.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!

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From The Logs

• 12:34, September 25, 2014 Colin "All your base" Heaney (talk | contribs) blocked Banzaikitten (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour and 9 minutes (You're like the Grinch, except it's your cock that's three sizes too small.)

• 14:35, September 24, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked 173.213.80.213 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Your free trial of Uncyclopedia has expired.)

• 07:05, September 24, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked JessieTedesco (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (fuck Jessie Tedesco, he gets his clothes from Tecso)

Top VFH Competitors

• Nouvelle cuisine (10/0)

• HowTo:Fry an egg (9/0)

• Firesheep (9/1)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week UnNews:Obama to outline IS strategy after consulting Stonehenge gods (10/0)

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From The Forums

• Which one of you heathens killed Pee Review?

• Here is where you tell about your new articles.

• Vote on this, it's not getting attention.

• Don't smoke the dope, kids.

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UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.

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Chat Quote
<ColinAYB> Actually his lips did sink ships

<ColinAYB> In the sense that he sucked e

Excuse me, sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, the USP?

The UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

5 October • Issue #211 • Archives • Press Room

Uncyclopedia's preparations for Ebola By Sir Peasewhizz

Gross.

As we all know, a Texan man has brought the Ebola virus to the United States of America. And as country, we are all freaking out. Even Obama, who never freaks out, has freaked out. He now refuses to kiss Michelle because he has become a germophobe.

Anywho, we here at Uncyclopedia have determined that Ebola can be avoided by simple measures. We encourage everyone to wash their hands, especially after ferocious masturbation. Remember kids, diseases come for hookers. So stay away from hookers as well.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it again!

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From The Logs

• 12:34, September 25, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked 178.137.80.72 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (dickery)

• 15:07, September 28, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked 23.231.7.217 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (The Maitri Inthusut has ordered us to block editing permanently for all residents of the Phuket Province.)

• 13:39, September 28, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked Leanna Hollway (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (she wouldn't go the "holl way" with me)

Top VFH Competitors

• White-haired Asian Scientist (8/0)

• Bluestocking (8/1)

• Aries (6/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week Firesheep (10/1)

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From The Forums

• Which one of you heathens killed Pee Review?

• Here is where you tell about your new articles.

• Vote on this, it's not getting attention.

• No more silly rules

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UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has begun.

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Chat Quote
<Denza252> ephemey: am i trololololololing?

dicks lol: It's UnSignpost time!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

19 October • Issue #212 • Archives • Press Room

Hi

By Sir Peasewhizz
Do u think we should cancel the USP

Anyone

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it againnn!

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From The Logs

• 02:04, October 12, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) resurrected Xamralco (talk | contribs) (I have frostbite on my nipples.)

• 01:58, October 12, 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked Xamralco (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 years, 6 hours, 32 minutes and 24 seconds (Obligatory retaliation ban)

• 01:46, October 12, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 seconds (Obligatory welcome back block)

Top VFH Competitors

• Richard M. Nixon (8/0)

• Why?:Eat a full English Breakfast (8/0)

• Antiques Road Rage Show (8/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week UnDebate:Should women rap? (10/0)

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From The Forums

• FFW2014

• FFW2014 (for pussies)

• That time I nearly sojourned on a village dump or a short and repetitive story about what it's like to read short and repetitive articles

• This gay forum about renaming the site... PISS ON THIS

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UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has ended.

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Chat Quote None

The UnSignpost is back, baby! (And also a little bit of front)

The UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

9 November • Issue #213 • Archives • Press Room

Donate your soul to Uncyclopedia!

By Sir Peasewhizz
Before time began there was the cube. Wait, hold on... yeah wrong script. Okay, let's start again. Before the internet was cool, there was no Uncyclopedia. This is because before Uncyclopedia was a website, there was this awful site for information that anybody could edit called Wikipedia. There was also catfishes and cocks.

That all changed back in 2005. When Uncyclopedia was established/founded/spawned/born/emerged/created, the internet took off. Not literally, but metaphorically... or something. The fact remains that the world, with the introduction of Unyclopedia, began to gain faith in the internet. The Amish began to use electricity after Uncyclopedia was established!

And our legacy could fade away; not unlike my basketball trick shot.

All jokes aside, Uncyclopedia may be content-free, as one could say, but it is not free to run. Uncyclopedia runs on a server and this requires money. We don't mean like the billions Obama requires, but it still needs a bit of money to be a legendary thing.

How does Wikipedia stay up then? Well, we're not Wikipedia. We're run by no employees and we're instead run by dedicated users who spend their time editing/fucking with the site that they love. Uncyclopedia is nearly ten years old, so it's not like the joy of "uncyclopediating" isn't real. It's in the Webster Dictionary.

Not every one is rich either, in fact, we're all kinda bland. Money doesn't grow on trees. Now we're not gonna hold you for ransom and we sure as hell aren't going to guilt you into donating to our cause... but think about the children that would starve without us!

Basically, read more about it here. Thanks for your time.

If you can't donate, don't. We won't force you to do something we can't ourselves.

And another thing you could do besides donate is spread the word or buy something from our store.

Anyone

Biopic You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it!

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From The Logs

• 05:54, November 7, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked DickSankthptxd with an expiry time of infinite (talk | contribs) (his dick sank)

• 22:48, October 29, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked 50.115.173.177 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (made me read some gay book)

• 15:45, October 29, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked Zficysll (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Why bother trying to spam Uncyclopedia? If you're as good with girls as you are at hitting abuse filters then I'm sure you'll have no problem getting laid.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Dag Hammarskjöld (8/0)

• UnNews:Wrestlemania 87 commentary LIVE! (10/2)

• Electricity (8/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week President Hoover (11/1)

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From The Forums

• Comeback of the Year

• Read about donating here.

• Parody of Wikipedia banner

• Someone who is good with WikiStats should look here.

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UnSignpost News Donate to Uncyclopedia if you can.

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Chat Quote None.

Re-feature queue

If you want, you can go to Uncyclopedia:Re-feature queue/Nominate and pick one featured article that you wrote to be re-featured. You can also pick three features written by someone else to re-feature. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:33, 17 November 2014 (UTC)

No FT

Leverage (talk) 20:39, 3 December 2014 (UTC)

Vote, Vote, Vote

It's that time of the year again! We're going to be showing off our Top Ten Articles of 2014 soon but so far, very few people have voted. It's all up to you to decide what's the best of the best! Go to Forum:Top 10 Articles of 2014 and vote now! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:22, 30 January 2015 (UTC)

Blow Jobs

Had a number of double-redirects. BJ, Smiling, and Blow job, etc.

When redirecting to blowjob, please make sure to use the correct one ;p ~Formerly Annoying Crap 06:31, 25 September 2015

Remember when people used to be active at least once a year?

Kevin Spacey and Brad Pit in the same movie lol

Super awesome happy "Seven deadly sins" competition where Shabidoo will win and everyone else colapses into suicidal depression fun week!!! SIGN UP!!! ShabiDOO 14:35, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

Happy Monkey Competition 2021

Hey its HAPPY MONKEY TIME 2021 (Feb 21-28). Your favourite writing competition where we write articles on one another's suggested topics. Go ahead and sign up because the more users we have competiting the more ridonculously fun it is. If you don't wanna write you can sign up to judge! Sing up here. Remember it's not about writing a sure fire VFH article, but pushing the limits of your originality and creativity and spitting out an article on a topic you had never thought about writing before. Also...Shabidoo will love you forever and owe you like a zillion favours for it. He will literally do anything to please you if it means you participate. Happy Monkey Farts!!! ShabiDOO 15:31, 10 February 2021 (UTC)

UnSignpost Home Delivery for May 1st, 2021

The UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

1 May 2021 • Issue #215 • Archives • Press Room

Most Active Admin Gets Promoted to Bureaucrat, Transitions to Female By Cassie

Following an incredible (by 2021 Uncyclopedian standards) 16 VFS votes, Uncyclopedia's most active administrator has initiated their transition to female. Said admin, now known publicly as Cassie, has had a talk page that often inflated by 80,000 bytes or more weekly, and singlehandedly managed a vast variety of things, including (but not limited to): vandal whipping, being the school principal, managing VFH, and more.
"Vandalism, eh? Fuck off already," they said, whilst throwing bags of feces at our new dumpyard.

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Vote for Sandwiches: Triple Resignation, Quintuple the Drama By Cassie
Following the resignation of two of our longtimemost bureaucrats, EMC and Zombiebaron, in addition to the resignation of admin CandidToaster, a new wave rejuvenated much of the now-ancient television show Vote for Sandwiches. MrX and Hipponias quickly climbed the ranks; Shabidoo received the same treatment, but ultimately withdrew. Zana Dark and JJPMaster were both nominated for a new category, interface operator, instead of the traditional sandwich role granted.

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Uncyclopedia's Technologies are Finally Modernized By Cassie
it has been a long time in the making, but Uncyclopedia's editing technologies have finally been optimized for the new decade. An introduction of a new extended-confirmed protection level has enabled famous articles, such as AAAAAAAAA!, to see the light of commoners' editing again. Utilities such as Huggle, RedWarn, CurateThisPage, autoarchiving, and a lot more has been implemented thanks to JJPMaster. Many gnomes have been working on this; as such, please treat their work with respect! Biopic This edition's biopic is about the joy of templating. Templating is a fine art which can be practiced on Uncyclopedia, its parody Wikipedia, and so many other places. It can furthermore be expanded to "module coding", which produces the same stuff albeit in a much more efficient and dynamic way. Come try templating now!

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From The Logs

• 1 May 2021 Cassie renamed user Redacted (8224 edits) to Cassie (Per message here)

• 10 April 2021‎ JJPMaster (38 bytes) (-13)‎ . . (Reverting edit(s) by Gale5050 (talk) to rev. 6045969 by Celeste:shhhhhhhhhhh (RW 16.1dev))

• 22 February 2021 Cassie blocked JJPMaster with an expiration time of 4 hours and 20 minutes (account creation disabled) (You [[Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit

Top VFH Competitors

• User:Zombiebaron/Resignation (9/2)

• UnNews:As Bernie Sanders starts his second term, we reflect on his Presidency so far (5.5/4)

• Patent nonsense on Wheels! (1/2.5)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week COVID-19 (6/1)

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From The Forums

• We are still learning how to count. Albeit much faster.

• Gale5050.

• There is nothing to worry about! Right?

• Gale5050 again. Or not.

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UnSignpost News Following 1.5+ years of hiatus, Cassie has taken the lead, in a unilateral albeit undramatic manner, and has designated themselves as the lead editor of the UnSignpost.

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Chat Quote Supergeeky1: Boner.

It's beginning to look a lot like…

See you next year! The first annual *Kiss My Ass* Holiday Competition has officially ended for 2021

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Up for grabs is the coveted Clark Griswold Award for Holiday Cheer. Who will be crowned Holiday Victor?

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Judgement day is upon ye!

Seasons Greetings!

It's that special time of year. A wonderful time for friends and family to rejoice in gaiety. Not you! You usually spend all of your hard-earned money on gifts for them, and now you just want to hibernate until your finances recuperate. Well, here at Uncyclopedia, entering our newest competition won't cost you a penny — Sign Up Today! (pretty please)  –     (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 13:28, 13 December 2021