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From today's featured article
The famous Ring Bearer Frodo Baggins of the Shire, is a hobbit who saved Middle Earth. The heroic hobbit never set out to be a hero, or to save anything. But he was talked into it and having a good heart, he agreed with Gandalf's philosophy and being a wizard, Frodo couldn't bring himself to get into a battle of wits with someone much older and much more dramatic. The urgent warnings of doom, dark lords, and horrid creatures consuming all the pumpkin patches, cabbage and tomato gardens and strawberries and cream was enough to send Frodo into unnecessary hysteria. So effective was Gandalf's eccentric performance that Frodo agreed to leave the Shire, embark on a quest to an Elf Lord's secret meeting and then opting to go all the way to Mordor without having a single clue as to where the hell it was. But Frodo became renowned, known as a hard-nosed business hobbit, hell bent on revenge. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured)
- ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
- ... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)?
- ... that this in not a DYK entry?
- ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
- ... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living?
- ... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?
In the news
- Starmer announces plans to make tweeting illegal in the UK (Pictured)
- Trump given yet another Nobel Peace Prize for ending war he started 3 hours ago
- Kansas City Chiefs impulsively fire Missouri as home state, moving to actual Kansas after missing playoffs
- UnNews wishes to all users a merry December Holiday
- Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches!
- ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America
- North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island
- Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up."
- 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong
- Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth"
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Baltimore Ravens fans shitting themselves after both their teams choked big-time • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate
Recent deaths: Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Kansas City Chiefs', Dallas Cowboys', Detroit Lions', Indianapolis Colts', Buccaneers' and Ravens' seasons • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Patrick Mahomes' and his backup's ACLs • Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down • New York Rangers' fans livers and kidneys • The Green Bay Packers' season • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • The Pittsburgh Steelers' fucking up once again • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • The Sabres actually being good? • Ravens' kicker • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas City "Chiefs"
On this day
January 12: Politically Incorrect Bedtime Stories Day
- 1528 - King Gustav I of Sweden, after a Danish armchair of his breaks after only two hours of use, declares that all furniture sold outside of Sweden must be sold unassembled.
- 1907 - A baby Sergei Korolev, Soviet rocket scientist, is found hidden inside a stalk of corn by a poor farmer.
- 1966 - Lyndon B. Johnson declares America must stay in Vietnam till that whole Communism fad blows off.
- 1981 - The NAACP removes the "I have black friends who are okay with it" loophole for people without N-Word privileges, twenty-something white dudes riot.
- 2010 - An earthquake in Haiti kills over 100,000 people, wait, you already forgot about it? That's cold. I don't even think you donated.
- 2015 - Eighty-nine year old comedian Boz "Yellowface" Trillman cancels his long belated comeback after uproar at a joke about the differently abled.
Picture of the day
| Thermopylae was the top selling board game of the 5th Century BCE. Players compete to acquire wealth through stylized politico-economic activity involving the buying, rental, and trading of real estate using play drachma and bartering, whilst gathering groups of Perioikoi and Helots to work your land, as players take turns moving around the board according to the roll of the dice. Image credit: Mhaille |
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