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From today's featured article 

Antipasta.png

In Pasticle Physics, antipasta is composed of anti-ingredients in the same way that pasta is composed of ingredients. For example, an antiegg and some antiwheat with a bit of antiwater can form an antipasta dough. It is potentially life-threatening to consume antipasta without extreme safety measures and a bit of luck. This is because when an anti-food particle comes into contact with a positive particle (for example a human's tongue) the two particles annihilate each other releasing a tremendous amount of energy (the equivalent of 1,000,000 spurts of explosive diarrhea after bad Mexican food). This means the more antiparmesan you add onto a mountain of antispaghetti, the more likely your body will paint the walls and ceiling before you finish eating it. Whilst an exciting, even an arousing proposal, it is a little too dangerous for most people (even if you have a little chub just thinking about anti-tortelini) and seen as reckless and hedonistic by conservative foodies.With excessive care, one can enjoy anti-rigatoni and most likely keep their stomach intact, their head on their shoulders and not shit out anti-blood. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that former Australian prime minister John Howard once spent over 48 hours in session with his cabinet? (Pictured)
  • ... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
  • ... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
  • ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
  • ...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
  • ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
  • ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
  • ... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?

In the news 

DickVanDykeJackyl.jpg
Take that, Betty White!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement • Ravens fans hiding in a corner after yet another choke

Recent deaths: The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff • Warner Bros. • Sheen Estevez • Chet Ubetcha • Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Kansas City Chiefs' season • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Dallas Cowboys' season • Patrick Mahomes' backup's ACL

Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Indianapolis Colts' and Baltimore Ravens' seasons • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard • Dick van Dyke, eventually • 2025

On this day 

A Festivus for the rest of us!

December 23: Festivus

  • 1402 - Frank Constanza invents Festivus, "a holiday for the rest of us."
  • 1888 - Dutch painter Vincent van Gogh cuts off part of his left ear, sells it on eBay for three times the list price.
  • 1938 - Immigrants from the Old Country bring over the Festivus Pole (Pictured) to America, get rid of the tinsel as it's "too distracting."
  • 1954 - The first successful piano transplant is performed, following failed attempts on organs and harpsichords.
  • 1970 - Ted Cruz molts for the first time! He eats the scaly residue for sustenance.
  • 2000 - Competing holiday Christmas Eve Eve gets laughed off the room by good, correct people.
  • 2006 - Your uncle makes a scene during the Airing of Grievances, makes the rest of the day awkward.
  • 2007 - You and Your mom duke it out in the Feats of Strength. Your Mom promptly beats your ass.

Picture of the day

Chainsawcharge.jpg
 Artist representation of the famous Charge of the Chainsaw Brigade, a pivotal moment on the road to victory which demonstrated the wisdom of bringing Canadian lumberjacks into the war.

Image credit: Asahatter
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