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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Finger Cancer is a leading cause of premature death among people who die of hand related diseases. Finger Cancer is prevalent in the entire animal kingdom. The dinosaurs got Finger Cancer all the time and even mushrooms suffer the disease (especially in winter). Right now, at least one human being has Finger Cancer this very moment right now. Victims are always young healthy men who dress well and know how to smile for the camera. Finger Cancer is a silent cancer meaning the cancer is unable to communicate verbally; instead it interacts with the host by infecting the skin of the finger with toxic carcinogens instead of having an open dialogue and a sincere conversation.

There is no cure for Finger Cancer, though some traditional healers claim that rubbing cayenne into one's eyeballs while chugging Frog Semen® helped cure at least one cancer patient according to a Mexican soap-opera. The only proven treatment for Finger Cancer is amputation. All fingers and toes have to go whether they are infected or not – it's either every digit lobbed from the body or the frog semen. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that cabbages are not to be trifled with? (Pictured)

... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?
... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?

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In the news [edit]

Sly Stallone
(1946-Present)

Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on
Elon Musk breaks up with Trump
Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone" (Pictured)
Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise
THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES!
Hit videogame Deltarune about to be released tomorrow!!!
New York Knicks throw tantrum, fire head coach for barely missing the NBA Finals
Elevation Worship's Chris Brown filling in for mainstream Chris Brown until further notice
Taylor Swift buys back her masters
"Real" Timothee Chalamet at 2024 look-alike contest actually Finn Wolfhard

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War, now with Iran! • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • NBA finals and Stanley Cup • Aaron Rodgers finally signing with a team • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass

Recent deaths: Updates for Mortal Kombat 1 • Rick Derringer • Carolina Hurricanes' choke job in the playoffs • New York Knicks' surprisingly kickass season and coach's tenure • Fear Street: Prom Queen • John Redcorn • Brian Grazer's career and livelihood, and anyone's respect for him • Sly ~~Stallone~~ Stone • Brian Wilson • Nonna Grande

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Diddy's and Chris Brown's chances at freedom • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • New York Knicks' future success and ego • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's leadership

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On this day [edit]

June 18: High Flying Women's Day

1264 - The Parliament of Ireland meets at Castledermot in County Kildare, the first definitively known meeting of this Irish legislature. It's actually quite boring.
1812 - War of 1812: The United States declares war on the British Empire, the British respond by stopping the export of cricket and croquet products into America.
1917 - The first carbonated drink is put on the market, first batches are accidentally spiked with ridiculous amounts of cocaine.
1928 - Amelia Earhart attempts to crash land on a deserted island somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean, fails miserably.
1983 - NASA astronaut Sally Ride becomes the first woman to pierce the heavens and reach outer space. Valentina who?
2017 - According to Vatican astrologists, St. Peter's Basilica is scheduled to reawaken on this day, and will terrorize the Italian countryside until a Pope is sacrificed within its gaping maw. (Pictured)

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