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From today's featured article 

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The documents contained herein are of a confidential, classified nature, hence the large red stamp to be found atop this passage. They have been classified according to Provision 401q of the Super-secret Document Protection Act of 1965. That means that not even Greg from accounting is allowed to view the observations, inferences, quibbles, and miscellanea contained in the aforementioned documents. Gives you some perspective, doesn't it. Therefore and thus, someone thinking about, considering, and/or about to open this manila folder in which these documents are contained is subject to torture by unpleasant bodily means at an undisclosed location. Oops, it's already open. Oh well, no crime there. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (Pictured)
  • ... no, you didn't! Stop lying!
  • ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
  • ... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
  • ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
  • ... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
  • ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
  • ... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.

In the news 

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Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life

Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • M-m-m-Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and other Iranian leaders

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (according to Wikipedia) • Avicii (according to Wikipedia)

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico • Smiling Friends

On this day 

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March 4: Galileo Galileo Galileo Figaro

  • 1849 - Mama, just killed a man, put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead.
  • 1852 - Mama, life had just begun, but now I've gone and thrown it all away.
  • 1855 - Mama, ooh, didn't mean to make you cry, if I'm not back again this time tomorrow.
  • 1861 - Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters.
  • 1862 - Too late, my time has come, sending shivers down my spine, bodies aching all the time.
  • 1865 - Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go, gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.
  • 1874 - Mama, ooh, I don't want to die, sometimes I wish I'd never been born at all.

Picture of the day

The Fifth Horseman
 "Who's Afwaid of a Widdle Apokowips?"

Image credit: Modusoperandi
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