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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Reddit is a social media content aggregation trash heap populated by liberal college dropouts where anyone can (re)post links to things they find on the internet, and then refresh every five seconds in anticipation that their link will quickly become popular, only to get disappointed as their post didn't match up with the capricious whims and fancies of the all-important algorithm. Most content that hasn't been reposted to oblivion probably waits in squalor, only to be reposted several months later by another user to thousands of upvotes. Users that post original content are extremely rare on Reddit, and claimed sightings of OC are usually just stolen from 4chan, while alleged sightings of OC posters have been made, none have been confirmed, and to date 0 OC sightings have been confirmed. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured)

... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?
... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
...that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?
... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?
... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings?

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In the news [edit]

"Real" Timothee Chalamet at 2024 look-alike contest actually Finn Wolfhard
Qatar personally gifts Trump a plane
Austria wins Eurovision (Pictured)
MLB welcomes cheaters and pedophiles into HOF
New cast and plotlines announced for longest running Filipino sitcom
BREAKING: NEW POPE ALERT!!!
Trump: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big."
Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank
PBS and NPR to lose funding
Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout
Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide
Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him
Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo
Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian
World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!)
- Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church

Ongoing: Eurovision • The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, and Deltarune • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers

Recent deaths: Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run • Night Court • Lopez vs Lopez • Jayson Tatum's Achilles and Boston Celtics' repeat hopes • George Wendt • Updates for Mortal Kombat 1 • Rick Derringer

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's and Chris Brown's chances at freedom • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen

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On this day [edit]

May 29: No Anniversary Day (U.S.)

1789 - Thomas Jefferson (Pictured) creates the "No Anniversary Day", in order to let people rest from Anniversaries at least one day in the year.
1790 - Some people decide to celebrate "No Anniversary Day" anyway, to Jefferson's unending disappointment.
1848 - Wisconsin bribes President James K. Polk with a big block of cheese to lower the sales tax on cow feed.
1932 - Unemployed veterans of World War I march on Washington, DC demanding owed money, Government agrees to give out payment as soon as World War II ends.
1989 - The Prime Minister of Iceland, on advice from his six-year old son, bans applesauce in the country, sparking a major riot.
2004 - The National World War II Memorial in Washington D.C. is converted into a commemorative waterpark: "They died, so you could wade."
2010 - The WNBA declares their way of playing the sport is about the fundamentals, rather than the skill.

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