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From today's featured article
“This is one small step for a gentleman, rather too much for working class types, I fear.” – Commodore Terrence Lambert-Simnel
With these words Commodore Terrence Lambert-Simnel (RN retired) became the first man to set foot on the moon. Moments later Group Captain Perkin "Tubby" Warbeck planted the Union Jack in the moon-dust and claimed Earth's only natural satellite for England, for King George and for tax-purposes. Flight Lieutenant Gerald "Stinky" Rawlings stood to attention and saluted through tear-stained eyes from the confines of the command module "Heart of Oak", unable to take part in the actual landing due to a grammar school education.
The story of how these two brave men and their batman came to be 400,000 kilometres from the nearest tea-shop is one of the most inspiring and yet little known tales in modern history. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Cafeteria food (Pictured) is not generally edible?
- ... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted?
- ... that I am inside your walls?
- ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
- ... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
- ... that I'd rather be a hammer than a nail?
- ... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
- ... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
In the news
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April (Pictured)
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
- Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy
- Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win
Ongoing: Eurovision Green Room in danger of sexual harassment • The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016 • r/TheDarnold having a field day • ICE-y chaos in Minnesota • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics
Recent deaths: The MetroCard • Stranger Things • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Buffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle • Sean McDermott's Bills tenure • Denver Broncos' and Los Angeles Rams' seasons • Uncyclopedia • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont
Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!!
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce
On this day
February 8: Royals Named Elizabeth Day
- 1856 BC - Hebrews arrive at the Promised Land, start worshiping Baal, which makes Yahweh totally jealous.
- 1020 BC - Rome is built in 24 hours and 12 minutes.
- 76 AD - Philosopher Octavius Libido publishes his masterpiece, "Indoor Plumbing: the Devil Incarnate", Rome is then destroyed by Typhoid.
- 1587 - Mary, Queen of Scots is executed by Elizabeth I after US Weekly says Mary wore it better.
- 1819 - Mary Shelley creates Dr. Frankenstein, who rebels against his creator by not even calling during the holidays.
- 1952 - Elizabeth II is crowned Queen of the United Kingdom, immediately starts merchandising.
- 2001 - California Adventure declares its independence from Disneyland, establishes its own currency and military.
Picture of the day
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Even the power of an iPod is no match for the common gun. Image credit: Llama-Llover |
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