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From today's featured article
She was one hundred sixteen years old and different from other girls. She wasn't notably pretty and was socially awkward. She was the only alien in her school, which didn't help her feelings of exclusion. But the tolerant people of her town for the most part saw past her glowing blue skin.
Despite this all, she was in with the popular girls. Guys were cordial with her but nothing more. Drunken jocks at parties often dared each other to score with the alien chick. "Fifty bucks for the bro who scores some Pluto pussy" they said. They always failed. At parties she was so socially awkward that any guy coming near her would set off blue LED like lights in her cheeks. It is a biological trait Plutonian females have. It instantly freaks out any guy who gets near her. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... if you are right brained or left brained? (Pictured)
- ... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
- ... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
- ... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit?
- ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
- ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
- ... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
- ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
In the news
- 4chan hacked, nobody cares
- Vatican commits simony
- YouTube child educator Ms. Rachel detained and deported by ICE (Pictured)
- Scientists revive some dead wolves because they can
- Steve's Lava Chicken shut down due to health code violations
- Wayne Gretzky's all-time regular season goal record broken by Putin's Instagram buddyboo
- Donald Trump receives prestigious award for destroying the stock market
- Kid (and ball) escape narrow car crash
- Robert F. Kennedy Jr. engulfs every panda bear in existence
- Kardashian and Ye do washed up things
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • Everyone ditching some Disney live-action remake for A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • Americans scrambling last-minute to pay their taxes
Recent deaths: Meghan Markle's Netflix show • Kurt from Good Burger • George Foreman • 23andMe • Bruce Glover • Richard Chamberlain • Roger Daltrey's eyes and ears • Val Kilmer • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Your 401K • Jay North • The playoff bids of all New York State NHL teams
Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global Economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Columbus Blue Jackets' playoff chances • Gawr Gura
On this day
April 16: 42nd Josef Stalin Appreciation Day (World)
- 1560 BC - Moses forgets to take his schizophrenia pills and begins to hear voices. He takes off from Ur, resulting in all of modern humanity's problems.
- 1855 - Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln enjoy a night of mad passionate love.
- 1878 - Joseph Stalin (Pictured) is born. Baby Hitler shudders in his Baby Hitler dreams.
- 1934 - Eleanor Roosevelt uncharacteristically enjoys a hotdog.
- 1943 - The first "Annual Miss Stalin-Look-Alike" contest is held in the Soviet Union; Joseph Stalin wins unanimously.
- 1953 - Desi Arnaz slaps Lucille Ball, calling her an "estupit beach" on national television.
- 1991 - US federal law passed forbidding driving while spreading cream cheese on a bagel.
- 2006 - The Queen of England decrees that all Australians must wear cork underpants.
- 2011 - Encyclopedia Dramatica sadly returns within 2 days of its death.
Picture of the day
The flag of Turkey, as it has appeared since 1844. Image credit: Sinspawn |
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