User talk:The Woodburninator

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Hey fuck you! You don't get off that easy.[edit]

You edited or something. That means you're still alive. That means I'm going to pester you until you acknowledge my existance. At least you have that to look forward to. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN00:27, 11 Jul

Oh, thank God you are still around. The forums have been a veritable bloated-horse-cock sandwich without you. Yes, I came back because of an article idea, played around with a PLS, and now decided to stay. You? I've been spending too much of my time on IRC lately if you ever get on. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  01:30, July 11, 2012 (UTC)

You foo'[edit]

Imma' gonna cut you in your sleep! It is a good nomination though...--Sycamore (Talk) 09:13, July 12, 2012 (UTC)



You were in favor of the 3rd most rigged VFH in the history of Uncyclopedia!

Thanks for the vote (which got my first ever feature!!!) take these boners as a prize for your efforts

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 05:11, July 13, 2012 (UTC)


Are you sure it should be "synonymous", rather than "eponymous"? ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngSun, Jul 15 '12 16:18 (UTC)

No, you're right. I accidentally edited off of an old version of it, and deleted what you had done. I fixed it though. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  19:03, July 15, 2012 (UTC)
Cool. Happens all the time these days. Edit-conflict-handling seem to break randomly. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngMon, Jul 16 '12 11:08 (UTC)


I thought that's who it was, and I was right. I seem to remember you being somebody I liked. That's probably a good thing. See you in about another year! --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 20:05, Jul 16

That sounds like me. Good guy, very likable, charming good looks, man-about-town. Yes, all me. Are you off hiding, spending time with your "children" or whatnot? The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  20:18, July 16, 2012 (UTC)
"Yes", "I" "am". "And" "you"? --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 17:32, Jul 22
Good. I came back to write for this Horrible Awesome Terrible site again. I remembered why I liked it in the first place. I get to make fun of stupid Admins and the fact that they have stupid kids. Not that I know if your kids are unintelligent or anything... Just thinking that your own stupidness (verified by the fact that you edit here) was passed down to them. So, I suppose it is more a comment on you than your stupid kids. So, planning on being around for a few minutes a week than? The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  18:40, July 22, 2012 (UTC)
Admins? I think you got me confused with someone else... I actually turned in my ops in the hope that not having the temptation to ban and delete and stuff would help me concentrate on writing during my few minutes a week. No such luck. Having two bairns is a full-time job. A few minutes a week would be a luxury! So yeah, admins have stupid kids. All of 'em! 'Dillo doesn't count 'cos he's a 'crat and he's never here.My non-admin kids, though, are already funnier and far smarter than their old man (not exactly a feat these days). How come you ended up here again? And how is the real world treating you? --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 17:45, Jul 23
Well, I came back because I was bored, and had something to write. I put it into PLS, and it came in second, and.... I don't know. I just remembered that I like this whole writing thing. I appreciate both the freedom to write what I want, along with the structure that this place can provide when necessary. In the real world, I'm freshly married. That whole thing is going very well. Although, who knew that mail-order brides could be so eager to break free and run away?! She's great!!! I'm still looking for a big-boy job, so hopefully one day that'll happen. Do you still talk to the old Spinning Jew-Star? The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  03:42, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
I don't so much "talk to" the kosher chap as I "like and make flippant comments on photos of his kid on Facebook", which I think you'll agree amounts to much the same thing. Congratulations on the fresh marriage - and sincere best wishes for it to be of the long-lasting, fulfilling kind. Leave it a few years before the kids come along though, huh? Enjoy the freedoms you have, such as the freedom to go to sleep and wake up when you want (at weekends at the very least), and (if you are co-habiting) the freedom to shag in any room of the house. Ah, it's the simple pleasures you miss... Which is why I envy you re-discovering this site. I miss it like hell. I have, on average, two or three article ideas a week, and really want to get back to writing. I just never get a decent amount of time in between helping with feeds, settling kids to sleep, re-settling when they wake up, trying to sneak 5 minutes' quality time with the missus, and Skyrim. Actually, it's probably Skyrim that's mostly to blame, but I have responsibilities to those people, dammit - I'm the Dragonborn! Maybe I'll put up a few articles next PLS, although I doubt it. --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 20:48, Jul 26


IRC. NOW. --Littleboyonly.jpg TKFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFCK Oldmanonly.jpg 05:50, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

Good Lord. I hope you meant right now. Because I just woke up from sleeping. Now. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  16:33, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

Martin Luther King, Jr.[edit]

PurpleDickVote.svg Boner.Fuck you very much. I disavow myself from your Martin Luther King article, which had to be heavily edited and changed for it to be made a feature. I was going to take it off my feature list in the Hall of Shame when I noticed you had already done that. Please do not return it to my list. This page has been cited by outside sources as one of the worse pages on uncy. I only got involved in it after I had nommed it for Votes for Deletion and then TFK (I think) nommed it for Feature, so I tried to make it presentable. Again, please do not associate me with the page. Best wishes, Aleister 16:05 July 25, 2012 (UTC)

Aside from your dickery, just about nothing you say here is correct. The article you nominated for deletion was the other MLK article, which did get deleted. The MLK article Woody wrote experienced no opposition on VFH and much of your heavier rewriting was done when the vote was already healthy, or already about to be featured. Lastly, you didn't disavow yourself from the article: Woody disavowed you from it. --Littleboyonly.jpg TKFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFCK Oldmanonly.jpg 18:07, July 25, 2012 (UTC)
I don't think anything constructive can proceed the phrase "fuck you very much" Ali. I've never seen you be so nasty to another user. Woodburninator is a really helpful and nice uncyclopedian. I think you've either had a snap defensive reaction to someone elses actions, of which their intention you did not understood...or you are kind of joking somehow and we didn't see the humour. --ShabiDOO 18:15, July 25, 2012 (UTC)
Aleister, I understand your anger with me, and I am sorry I didn't come to you first about this. I had issues with what went down with that page/feature, and I made changes to it. I was away when it got featured, so I couldn't make any comments about it at the time, but I will try to explain myself here.
The point of the article was, at no point in time, to be a racist prick. Martin Luther King is probably the best role-model this country has had in since Lincoln. He did, and said all the right things all the time, and what happened to him (both his assassination and the racism he was forced to stand against) was, without a doubt, one of the worst, most embarrassing things America has been apart of. To write an article satirizing him is near impossible. Absolutely no one in this country with any sense says bad things about King. This includes Fox News, and almost all of the Right-Wing commentators out there. To do so is almost political suicide. So, when I wrote the article, the Narrator had to be off his rocker. He downplays everything good about King, and absolutely makes things up about him. Any normal person reading the article should understand that all of this stuff is absolute BS, mixed in with virulent racism because any person saying these things about King would most likely be the worst of the worst kind of racist. He lies to bring the subject down, and he absolutely believes his own words. It was telling to me that he didn't even realize the one besmirch on King's otherwise flawless resume; The fact that he cheated on his wife with multiple women. He doesn't attack from that angle because he is more interested in the ridiculous notions that he made up.
Now, originally I saw the message you left on my talk page, assumed you had changed it up a bit, got it VFH'd and featured. I even wrote a message on your talk page saying how cool it was. I, at that time, did not read the article, as I had just stopped by to see if I had any messages. When I returned for good I actually read it, and as you obviously know I wasn't a fan of the changes. For me, the article lost a lot of what it was trying to do, it had lost a lot of its funny, and some Name-Droppy Politicization was added. These changes, in my opinion, took much more away from the article than added to it. But, again, at this time, my assumptions of how things had happened over-rid my dislike of what the article had become, so I didn't do anything about it. However, later it was brought to my attention that I should look back on the old VFH page, which I did, as well as the article's history, which I did. I also looked up the old VFD page where the other page had been deleted. What I saw very much bugged me. I saw that you put a fix tag on the page, which in and of itself, wasn't a problem. You didn't like the page, and you had every right to voice that concern. The page then lost the fix tag, and TKF put it up on VFH. Again, two people with differing opinions. If the page, on VFH, had failed horribly, and people voiced the same concerns as you, the fix tag should have been put back on it, and things about it changed. However, the article passed VFH without any Against votes. You, yourself voted for it. From what I can see, it got one Abstain from Romartus (Who didn't like the narrator's first-dumbass routine) and a comment from Nikau that he (she? I don't know Nikau very well.) didn't like the way it ended. At this point in time the article was already doing well on VFH, again in part to your vote. However you took that one comment (Along with several off-site comments, which, while mentionable, don't carry much weight here in my opinion. Our pages and features are created and voted on by the community. There are a ton of our articles that the outside world would not appreciate.) and changed the article to suit what made you feel more comfortable, the whole time disparaging both me, and the article that I had written. This continued, and just before it was featured, you "accept" half-credit for something that you obviously did not like, and just days earlier had vowed "I don't and won't take credit for this page, yech..." Upon seeing this, I decided that the page was needing a change, so I changed it. I did not come to you at the time because doing so would have been a show of respect towards you that you had in no way, at any point in time during your constant bashing, editing, and apologizing for the article, shown me. In fact, I would say quite the opposite.
I see now that it was a mistake to have proceeded without contacting you, however I was angry at the time, and feared that anything I would have written to you would have made me seem like a condescending prick. The reason I deleted the page from your features is because I assumed (Quite rightly I would say) that in the state the page is currently in, you would not want your name associated with it, just as I did not want my name associated with the page following your edits, and I did not feel that it was deserved. If I was out of line for doing so, again, that was my mistake. All this being said, I do hope there are no long-term hard feelings from this. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  19:41, July 25, 2012 (UTC)
Also, now just seeing your message on the MLK talkpage, I will say that I did not simply revert all of your changes back to the older version. Some of the new things written were better in terms of grammar, spelling, formatting, and prose. I didn't delete any of this, as it was something that genuinely made the article better. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  19:46, July 25, 2012 (UTC)
Friday Ice Cube Chris Tucker Stencil.jpg --Littleboyonly.jpg TKFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFUJewriken.GIFCK Oldmanonly.jpg 07:22, July 26, 2012 (UTC)

Blow me (the good way). You Woody, are right, and TFK is right that I was a dick. It's all your page, although I voted for it only in hopes to fix it to my liking and accent the FOX News angle and Bill O'Reilly as the voice of the page. Now for the TFK stuff. I did take my name off the page upon seeing the changes and before I knew that Woody had already removed it. Calling me a liar does not go down well (although I do). When I went to take it off my Hall of Shame list was when I saw that Woody had removed it from there, which made me mad as six hornets and that's why I came to this talk page. As for being a dick, yes, you are right - but here's the thing: I've banned myself in the past for being a dick. When I'm a dick I know it, and ban myself. You and the other admins, on the other hand, well, you can't be banned by others, only by yourself if and when you self-ban for being a dick. It's a good discipline to learn, imnho. Woody, again, I was wrong and you are right, and if Dr. King were alive he'd stomp your nuts. hahahahahahahahahahahaheeheeheeheehee huh? Aleister 15:40 8-7-'012

Al, I appreciate you being cool about this. I do apologize for stepping on your toes in regards to the page. As for your anger, like I said, I totally understand it. I wouldn't have banned you, but I don't have the powah of the admins. Now to put all this behind us, and go skipping through the fields! Look! A dandelion! The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  16:33, August 7, 2012 (UTC)
When you step on my toes you go all out! Ouch!!! Thanks for being cool as well. Dr. King no longer has toes, they were auctioned off by his money-hungry children. Al minutes later


Is still the most relevant thing I've read on Uncyc. ♥ One of these days we'll be on at the same time I swear. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN21:33, 11 Aug

Hey you[edit]

Are you Woody from the Greek Uncyclopedia?--Icons-flag-gr.png Sir SinnerSandbox (¿?) 13:22, September 5, 2012 (UTC)

Hmm.... The question becomes how do you feel about the Woody from Greek Uncyclopedia? Is he funny?
But alas, no. I'm not. Not unless someone has been sharing my writings from the English one onto the Greek one, which is a possibility. Why do you ask? The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  20:39, September 5, 2012 (UTC)
I though you were Woody from the Greek Uncyclopedia. If you wanna know Woody is one of the oldest members of Frikipaideia and he's quite funny.--Icons-flag-gr.png Sir SinnerSandbox (¿?) 14:36, September 16, 2012 (UTC)
Ah. By association then, I am going to say you are calling me funny, since you mistook the two of us. I thank you for the compliment. Also, perhaps we Woodies are just naturally funny people. It's possible,with the names being a euphemism and whatnot, that growing up turned us into the over the top hilarious comedians that we are now. I'm not running too much with this, am I? The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  04:03, September 17, 2012 (UTC)


I DIDN'T DO IT!!!!!! ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 22:36, September 15, 2012 (UTC)

OMG! TOTALLY YOUR FAULT! I SAW IT I SAW IT!!! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE AN ADMIN! MR-EX777 FOR ADMIN! The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  01:11, September 16, 2012 (UTC)


Cough. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngTue, Nov 6 '12 9:27 (UTC)

Cough Cough? Might want to try a lozenge. And please stop coughing at me. It's rude. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  13:51, November 6, 2012 (UTC)
There, see? Made you edit. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngWed, Nov 7 '12 6:26 (UTC)
I never said I wouldn't. Just gimme a reason. I haven't been able to write recently. But here I am. Editing like a motherfucker. You can ask me my thoughts and dreams. I'll reply. Maybe not to what you asked me. But something will probably be written. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  06:31, November 7, 2012 (UTC)
What are your thoughts and dreams? ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngWed, Nov 7 '12 6:35 (UTC)
I try not to think too much about penis envy. As a man, I can't say I have ever had it, or know what it feels like. But those Penis dreams. Oh god those constant, neverending dreams about hard, throbbing cocks. Just.... So many cocks everywhere!!! I can't get away!!!! The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  06:40, November 7, 2012 (UTC)
I find myself wondering if Androids Dream of Penis Monkeys from Outer Space. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngWed, Nov 7 '12 7:06 (UTC)

Jacking myself off[edit]

We have a woody! MrN MrN9000SouthParksmall.jpg 12:26, Mar 7

Oh, you know..... A geez, you're making me blush. Do I need to make that statement more British for you? I was, uh, giving myself the tittleywinks. Yeah, that sounds about right. So, how are you? Long time no see. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  15:24, 7 March 2013 (UTC)
If by blush you mean masturbate then yes. How am I? Well, you know. Same old same old. Well, there are 3 MrN's, 2 Uncyclopedia's, but apparently still only one Woody. Seeing your name pop up on RC reminded me of days gone by... Cajek making your sig... (he did right? if not pretend not to notice that MrN is ranting like a fool) and fun times on Uncyclopedia of days gone past. Even the nostalgia was better back then. And I'm running out of jokes having used that nostalgia one previous in a forum elsewhere only recently... Things are getting desperate. In addition... Funny how you show up the same day as Mordillo eh? There I was thinking that it was him and Under user who had run off together, when all along it was you! MrN MrN9000SouthParksmall.jpg 15:45, Mar 7
UU and myself have been using Woody as our gimp for the last 18 months. He has been fabulous. ~Jewriken.GIF 15:46, 7 March 2013 (UTC)
Well, nice to see you both come out of the woodwork. MrN MrN9000SouthParksmall.jpg 17:27, Mar 7
Oh, I've been out of the woodwork for a while now. Came back in August or so to write that Saturn article, and have been hanging out more-or-less ever since. Perhaps it was just you, who have been gone not seeing me. Oh, and Mordillo, tell Mr. UU that our hijinx will be at an end until he returns. I can't deal with this broken home bullshit! I need the family back! The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  22:34, 7 March 2013 (UTC)
OK. MrN MrN9000SouthParksmall.jpg 00:50. Mar 11. 2013


Hi, join us to fight off the evil that... you know. We have a couple of things going over here. I suppose the idea is clear to you (I a splained it to you back in 2009 or 2010 - didn't I? Maybe I didn't. Who was it then?) - no requirements except adding articles/news/things to prop and/or tear down what's going on in other articles in the series (or whatever it should be called). Also, if you have anything that you would like to serve as a starting point for a media circus, let us know on that same page. There are now some further ideas in the whale campaign; if you like any of that and/or have additional ideas, let us know on the page. Also, of course, if you have further ideas to construct a mess around a subject, they are also more than welcome. -- Style Oranssiviiva.jpg Guide 17:00, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

Yeah. I just read your UnNews about the boy winning the game. It was very good, and I'll fucking kill you unless you start helping me out with these loose collaborations. My reasoning is clear: a linked series of good articles is a far more rewarding experience to the reader than a batch of random articles, some of which are good and others sucky. The latter experience is the case for the occasional Uncyc reader most of the time. -- Style Oranssiviiva.jpg Guide 17:24, 7 March 2013 (UTC)
Well, a few things I think about this. First, glad you liked the news article. I really enjoyed writing that one. Secondly, I love your idea. This place could really do with some more collaborations. I was never a huge fan of those Imperial Colonizations because I always thought it was too many cooks in the bathtub (right?). But two or three-person collabs can be very fun and worthwhile. Helps grow the community and allows for a sweet flow of ideas. Also, I like the idea to try and get some articles on here to connect to each other. If I'm remembering correctly, Orian57 had a string of really good articles where te narrator was a common link. The problem can be that these things get old quickly, but getting a few articles connected is a great idea. The problem I see is with myself. I have never really been a volume writer. Unfortunately if the writing I'm doing doesn't come from a really inspired idea that I can see the ending before I begin, I tend to be horrible and awful and bad at writing. Not to say that I am against giving it a shot, but I don't know how much I will be able to help. Yao Ming? The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  21:28, 7 March 2013 (UTC)
A few answers to implied questions and some other pointers too:
  • the driving force behind the article serials is controversy. In other words: anything you can pose against any article in another article is gold. That fuels the argument further. Same goes for support: if you have a half-finished idea about something/someone and don't know what to do with it, you can try and fit it into something that's happening within a series.
  • you can use anything anywhere if you can come up with a bridge, no matter how nonsensical. I don't know if you read through the Dylan/whales thingy but as you can see, RAHB's whale bones -article was the starting point. He mentioned Dylan in it and I hooked onto that somehow. Then the idea spread further.
  • I'm certain these serials won't get old because the whole point is to bring different angles (those of any interest groups you can invent) into the mix. The mechanism is, as I mention somewhere, life-like. Some of the supporting articles can be funny in their own right, as I hope/supppose/threaten everyone to admit Mother Bronson's whale boner catalogue is.
  • I'm not certain if there's any need to be a volume writer. If a joke carries for a few sentences, make it a few sentences long and pass the stub further to me. I get a huge boost of collaboration of any size. Also, a newspiece can be really short and be funny. Further also: an article doesn't always have to be laugh-out-loud funny. They can be very deadpan because then the whole series will read pretty well. I can imagine a series of articles where a newspiece has similar kind of jokes as a supporting main space article, an interview, or whatever. It would bore me to pieces. Also - the longer an article the suckier it usually is, because writers most often feel the need to stick a joke behind every corner. No thank you. As an aside: the way you re-use the main joke in that newspiece is far better than forcing new ones every few sentences.
  • these are not actual serials but I couldn't come up with a better name. The articles are joined through a common issue, which is the natural way IRL.
  • Imperial Colonization, requested articles and such never appealed to me at all because they are forced. My idea with all this is to use the invigorating force of fierce argument to boost my own writing and that of others - so that it doesn't happen on Village Dump or VFH/VFD but inside a frame where it can be turned into something funny. There's only a small step in getting into the frame where you feel you have something to say for or against something even if it's not real. Frees you too.
  • This got a bit long. I probably clarify these things to myself as I go. Is it a sale? I have no further arguments. Except renewing the death threat, of course. -- Style Oranssiviiva.jpg Guide 12:45, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
I mean, you don't really have to sell me on it. I'm already a fan of the idea, just not sure how helpful I will be to the cause. And by a volume writer, I didn't mean length of article. I mean, I've written both this: James Carville, and this: UnBooks:Michael Phelps Makes Me Sick. So size isn't the issue. (I think the Michael Phelps one is around 17 pages in Word.) It's just that I don't usually write that often. I tend to be able to write a thing or two, then I skip off into nothingness for a while because.... It's like I just go through spells where I can't write/am in no way funny. You don't have to tell that about it Woody! We've read most of your articles! Audience: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! But I think you've put in the time and effort to try and get me so, you know, I'll help out when possible. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  19:08, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
Great! -- Style Oranssiviiva.jpg Guide 19:11, 8 March 2013 (UTC)

Thank you kind Sir[edit]

For the VFH nom. T'was a pleasant surprise. May all your sandwiches be filled with ham and cheese, and be toasted. Skidwood.png 09:29, 11 June 2013 (UTC)

Hey, no problem. I had my eye on it a while back, but had an extended break and hadn't been able to Nom it. Given its current state up on VFH, I would say I wasn't the only one who got some laughs out of it. Keep up the good writing! Please?! The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  09:44, 11 June 2013 (UTC)

Ahoy, Matie![edit]


I mean, "WATASHI WA HADAKA NO NINJA DESU!" ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngWed, Jun 12 '13 1:03 (UTC)
... I see... This is what I am to you? Just some guy to post random photos on his talk page? I see. We'll see how you like it!
On an unrelated note, I assume my link on Uncyclopedia:Nomination of the Month is a hard link and wrong and whatnot. Care to fix that for me since I forget how to do it the right way? Please? I'll give you that classic Woody smile if you do! The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  01:40, 12 June 2013 (UTC)
Random? That wasn't random! I was gonna give you a ninja star, and say "arrrgh!" at the same time, but then I just decided to be a ninja pirate! You want RANDOM?
Well, here's some random, goddamnit! ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngWed, Jun 12 '13 1:55 (UTC)

Still going?[edit]

Ok then.

So long, turkey! My attorney will be in touch! ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngFri, Jun 21 '13 0:07 (UTC)

Sucka please.[edit]

Ok then. Wait, whut? ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngSun, Jun 23 '13 22:44 (UTC)
An early prototype of The Beast Master ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngFri, Jun 28 '13 21:22 (UTC)
I'm sorry. Do I see a point in there? Somewhere? No? Hello? Anybody home? I can see you crouching down behind the couch! C'mon, open the door! I just want to talk! I left my pet velociraptors at home... ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngTue, Jul 2 '13 1:57 (UTC)

Ok, I lied. I totally brought the velociraptors.[edit]

 ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngWed, Jul 10 '13 0:22 (UTC)

Just when you thought you were out[edit]

...they pulled you back in! ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngThu, Nov 28 '13 5:36 (UTC)
Who told me? My demonically possessed pet otter told me. Yeah. That little fucker lies like you wouldn't believe. Lies like a cheap whore on an imitation polar-bear-skin rug. By the way, have I ever shown you a cheap whore on an imitation polar-bear-skin rug? ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngThu, Nov 28 '13 6:02 (UTC)
No, see, I was thinking something much more along the lines of this. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngThu, Nov 28 '13 7:09 (UTC)
Dammit all! I have the perfect response to this, but apparently our website won't allow me to upload photos to the site from my phone. So, you win.... For the next few hours, until I can actually put upmly response. Then I win. Forever. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  07:30, 28 November 2013 (UTC)
I'm pretty sure Cat already uploaded the picture of a barechested guy on a polar bear rug. I could be wrong. User:Matthlock/sig2 18:32, 28 November 2013 (UTC)'s the thing. I was sitting around awaiting your perfect response, when the phone rang, and—hey!—turns out it's your sense of timing. It took a wrong turn somewhere in Cincinnati, and ended up at the river—you know, the one that caught fire once?—and a bunch of gang members pulled it out of its car, took its money, and then... well, they tickled it within an inch of its life. Anyway, yeah. Your sense of timing is lost somewhere in Cincinnati, and you need to go pick it up. And bring it some fresh drawers. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngSun, Dec 1 '13 0:22 (UTC)
The river that caught on fire was in Cleveland. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  01:54, 1 December 2013 (UTC)
It was a pretty long wrong turn. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngSun, Dec 1 '13 6:54 (UTC)

That's not a polar bear, mate![edit]

This is a polar bear!  ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngWed, Dec 4 '13 14:51 (UTC)
I see your pole and raise you one. Now - dies anyone know of an image sharing site that allows upload by email where it's easy to grab the URL of the image using a mobile platform? Flickr will allow it, but it's a bastard to do. Nominally Humane! 01:27 08 Dec

I would answer you, but alas, I am not allowed to edit your talk page, which I have found is the only acceptable way to answer a question nowadays. Bb? Would you like to answer him? The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  20:56, 8 December 2013 (UTC)

Oh - that restriction in my talk page is for anyone except you, of course. Nominally Humane! 09:17 08 Dec
Pup: there's,,, and There're probably others. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngTue, Dec 10 '13 7:22 (UTC)
Problem is the grabbing the URL bit. I'll keep experimentalising until I find one that doesn't take 20 different pages to find it. Or one with a decent app interface otherwise. Nominally Humane! 07:45 10 Dec

yeah yeah[edit]

go fck yrself 2 m8 --Argylesocks (talk) 19:52, 22 March 2014 (UTC)

unnews thing[edit]

That was very nice. I don't think our time on the site ever coincided before, so hello! --Nikau (talk) 18:41, 28 October 2014 (UTC)

Hi! I feel like I have seen you around at some point, but I could be misremembering. I dunno. I've been around and (usually) active or semi-active for a while now, so some of the names start to run together. But some you can't ever forget. Remember Savethecajeks? Or Flammaoperandi? Those guys were the great ones. You will have to explain to me what unnews thing was nice, I'm not particularly sure what it is. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  02:29, 29 October 2014 (UTC)
I'm the guy who tried to show my dick when Hyperbole won something, which doesn't narrow it down much. I mean your unnews thing with the aliens and the old guy and stuff which is on VFH now. --Nikau (talk) 15:14, 29 October 2014 (UTC)
Hyperbole does that to people. One of the two or three best writers we've ever had. Your estimate of how long to reheat the lasagne had me in tears the first time I read it. Like couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard. I was reading this at work, and my boss was one desk over. No separators or cubicles between us, he just kept giving me disapproving glances as I coughed and blubbered my way through it. If it hadn't been such a good article, I would have just stopped reading it, but I couldn't help myself. So yes. I would have whipped my dick out for Hyperbole.
He won a lot of things, but never NotM back when it was a thing. He lost to a guy who disappeared from the site about two weeks after winning the award. Hyperbole brought this up constantly. I won the month after that, and mainly because the guy who was in the lead turned out to be the sock of an oft maligned user back in the day. That was an interesting time, a lot more activity, a lot more people to dick around with and swap random stories with, even when they didn't ask for them.
Thanks for joining me for this episode of Story Time with Woody! Next time I can tell you about the time Colin Goatse'd the entire website. Good times, man! Good times!
Also, I'm happy you enjoy the article. It was fun to write. I don't do it often enough. What about you? Getting any writing in? The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  23:13, 29 October 2014 (UTC)
Hype had a beautiful style that I can't ever hope to match. Whatcha thinking about? was great as well. Myself, I've written more in the last month than the previous 5 years. I'm kind of at the stage where I'm just writing to find a style of my own. --Nikau (talk) 05:53, 30 October 2014 (UTC)
That is awesome. I like to think that's what Uncyc is all about. Writers trying to figure out what works and what doesn't. We aren't pro's (Unless some of us are, in which case... Yeesh!) but figuring out how to write is something we can teach each other. Keep it going. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  22:32, 31 October 2014 (UTC)
Reading that back, it was much too positive for this site... Ummm... Don't suck, but if you do you should probably eat a bag of poo, or... something... Yeah. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  22:34, 31 October 2014 (UTC)
Aww, thanks... or fuck you... or whatever you feel is appropriate. Speaking of stories, way back when I managed to lose NotM to the permabanned Clemens guy who had cat fights with his ex wife or something. Hand me the poo bag. --Nikau (talk) 16:51, 1 November 2014 (UTC)
Damn, you were here for the Clemens shitstorm? And you stayed?! That's some serious sticktuitiveness! That hunking bag of drama was pretty magical. Got so many people involved in it too. Well, sorry you didn't win, but I always felt like NotM was an atta boy to keep good new users around, and invested. That fact that you stayed is awesome. You can have mine if you want! The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  00:05, 2 November 2014 (UTC)


You're it! No tags back. If you don't tag someone else in the next 12 hours you'll get ebola and bleed out of your anus. --ShabiDOO 14:50, 2 November 2014 (UTC)

What exactly is going on here?

Right, your anus is bleeding. Carry on. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngSun, Nov 2 '14 19:32 (UTC)
I was over at your Dad's place last week. Not much of a conversationalist, but he's a real good listener. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngWed, Nov 5 '14 8:44 (UTC)
Have you bled to death out of your anus yet? I hope not. You still owe me child support. --ShabiDOO 20:37, 5 November 2014 (UTC)
And I'm your baby! --Nikau (talk) 13:09, 11 November 2014 (UTC)
Dear My Baby,
If you are reading this, it means I probably died from a bloody asshole. You will never know me. If it makes you feel any better, your mom tricked me into fornicating, I never wanted you, and was regretting your upcoming existence. Probably doesn't, huh? Well, whatevs. Have a good life. Or don't. Really makes no difference to me.
Your Unwilling Sperm Donor
The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  22:45, 11 November 2014 (UTC)

Re-feature queue[edit]

If you want, you can go to Uncyclopedia:Re-feature queue/Nominate and pick one featured article that you wrote to be re-featured. You can also pick three features written by someone else to re-feature. --Talk to me! Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:23, 17 November 2014 (UTC)

Disputing your edit to a laugh at the expense of the Dutch and/or Portuguese[edit]

I liked the more outrageous laugh better! Also, if that was a joke about A-Ha, those guys were Norwegian. --Argylesocks (talk) 08:00, 7 July 2015 (UTC)

First, comedy genius here. Don't question me. Second, I was thinking about the laugh of Prince John in the Disney Robin Hood movie. Around second ten of this clip. Sounds like a laugh the aristocracy would have. But that's just me. Comedy. Genius. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  16:38, 7 July 2015 (UTC)
Or! Or, our spam filters are blocking me from linking to YouTube now. So... That's really something. Fuck it. Prince John is all like "A-ha! A-ha!" When he feels like laughing like some kind of pretentious rich douche bag and it made me think of this article. GOD DAMMIT YOI TUBE! The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  16:38, 7 July 2015 (UTC)
You can put youtube videos on pages using <youtube> tags. -- The Zombiebaron 17:36, 7 July 2015 (UTC)
And if I'm unable to be bothered to remember that? Anyway, That thing there. At the ten second mark is what's in my imagination. Please like, comment or subscribe to my talk page to say what you think. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  19:30, 7 July 2015 (UTC)


Poop Fart fart poop fart The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif The vote was legitimate!  21:20, 11 July 2015 (UTC)

Test succeeded. Moving to Stage Two. Alert our embedded agents through the usual channels and activate the giant robot penis. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngMon, Jul 13 '15 6:54 (UTC)

Bad Block[edit]

I'm very sorry you got blocked from editing by that new admin. Sometimes becoming a sysop goes to people's heads. I hope The Woodburninator and stops being power hungry stops blocking productive editors like you! (Really congratulations!) Admin DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 04:27, 12 July 2015 (UTC)

Are you congratulating me for being an admin? Because I swear that was an accident! It was never my intention. But since I have the power, I may as well abuse it... What should my first act of corruption be? The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif The vote was legitimate!  04:32, 12 July 2015 (UTC)
You already blocked yourself. I think that's about as corrupt as you can get, you know, self abuse. Admin DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 03:38, 13 July 2015 (UTC)

Happy Monkey Time!!![edit]


Happy Monkey has been scratching his coconut sized balls for days almost bursting with anticipation of the competition. Remember...the articles are not judged by which is most likely to be a featured article. 30 points are awarded...10 each for originality, creativity and making you laugh. Don't forget the originality and creativity. You can slightly modify the topic if you wish to put it in a different space (unbooks, unreviews, unpoetry etc). If you have any doubt...ask Shabidoo.

Your topic is:

Nuclear Football

Good luck and have fun. You have 48 hours from the moment this was posted. Happy monkey has very itchy and blue coconuts to take care of! RAH RAH RAH!!! ShabiDOO 22:57, 31 July 2015 (UTC)


Whoops, very sorry. Thanks for doing that. Anton (talk) 12:56, 3 August 2015 (UTC)

No worries. I didn't realize we are supposed to until I read the site notice the first time :) The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif The vote was legitimate!  12:58, 3 August 2015 (UTC)
Yeah, there are always things to learn. Anton (talk) 13:01, 3 August 2015 (UTC)

Now, I see. Test succeeded. Please, sit out this ban until you learn not how to behave, but how to learn, which is something humans never seem to learn. Anton (talk) 13:22, 3 August 2015 (UTC)

Hey man, I might have messed up several times, but I did do some right stuff and you know I'm trying, right? Besides, it isn't as if my advice was unprofessional (and I do have 2,950 something edits, after all). Besides besides, I am used to breaking my posts in two or three or even more pieces (when I really don't like them) and in my two years of uncyclopeding, nobody has ever corrected me like you did. *sniff* I am so... touched... by your attention.

You know I was joking just now, right? Someone died of a heart attack once, because of a joke of mine, so I have reasons to be paranoid. And you know, if you were joking there, then know that I did laugh when I saw your change summary. Anton (talk) 20:03, 4 August 2015 (UTC)
:) The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif The vote was legitimate!  20:47, 4 August 2015 (UTC)

Honourable Mention[edit]


The scores were VERY close for the runners up. Thanks a million for participating. Your article was certainly worthy of the Happy Monkey tradition! Thanks again and next year you can cream everyone with your creamy-man-writing!!! ShabiDOO 19:58, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

Thanks for taking part Woodburninator! 20:18, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

Hey Woody[edit]

First, congratulations on the shared honourable mention (I'll fight harder next year)! And second, you aren't going to vote strong keep for every My sojourn, are you? The point is I am not trying to exterminate them (I personally really like many), but get rid of the least original and funny as well as the most in-jokey ones, because admit it, there are too many. Anton (talk) 08:05, 8 August 2015 (UTC)

I find them funny, which is probably the most important thing about my thinking. Also, I disagree that there are too many. As far as your in-joke argument goes, the entire category is an in-joke. If we are deleting articles for being in-jokes we are losing all of those. Sure, the two you mentioned have a stronger in-joke quotient, but at some point they are all just in-jokes no matter how you look at them. There's nothing wrong with an in-joke, especially if it is as deep within the bowels of the site as these are. So, yeah, I will probably vote to keep every my sojourn article. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif The vote was legitimate!  12:56, 8 August 2015 (UTC)
By "the most in-jokey ones" I meant those that are literally incomprehensible and unfunny to outsiders. The original sojourn, in that sense, isn't really an in-joke: it's a joke that was copied so many times that mentioning became an in-joke. And there are many great my sojourns written in such a way that it doesn't matter whether you understand the formula or not, they are still funny (like That time I was nearly raped by a negro during my sojourn to the post office). The ones I nommed cldid not fall into any of these categories, in my opinion. Also, I think voting to keep all my sojourns on the basis they're my sojourns isn't very reasonable, seeing some of them are clearly mostly copies with just a few words modified and some are just plain unoriginal. Anton (talk) 13:15, 8 August 2015 (UTC)
Yes, almost the entire category are mostly copies with just a few words modified, and almost all of them are just plain unoriginal, which is the entire point That time I was nearly raped by a formula-based running joke during my sojourn in Category:My sojourn is trying to make. And yes, these are some of the most in-jokey. I understand exactly what that means. I am fine with it, and I think they should stay, along with most of the category. Again, I find them funny, which is the main crux of my argument. I find this quite reasonable. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  15:34, 8 August 2015 (UTC)

Does my BOTM look big in this?[edit] award, eh? -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb.png (talk to me)

Yes, indeed. I made that forum on it a while back. Nobody had any real objections so I say we give it a try. I've been trying to get all the templates finished over the last few days. Just need to start noms going now. Which means we have to read shit. I know, I know. Reading is awful. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  12:39, 2 September 2015 (UTC)
Thank you very much for the nomination in the inaugural award of the BOTM. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb.png (talk to me)
Hey, thanks for actually writing. Hopefully now that you've been here for 10 years people may actually try to follow your lead and write more. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  13:21, 3 September 2015 (UTC)

Hey man[edit]

Where'd you go? ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngThu, Sep 24 '15 20:18 (UTC)

I heard he was offering favours for sailors to save up for the operation.... -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb.png (talk to me)
Nah. It's not about the money. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  01:23, 26 September 2015 (UTC)

The Simpsons[edit]

I feel like this article is the definition of missed opportunity. It doesn't have the humor of the golden age seasons, it's just boring. Do you know someone who'd be willing to spruce it up?--EpicWinner (talk) 01:30, 26 September 2015 (UTC)

Hard to say. Lots of people love the Simpsons. I, unfortunately, somehow missed out on the entire show. Which makes me angry. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort  03:29, 26 September 2015 (UTC)

Remember when people used to be active at least once a year?[edit]

Kevin Spacey and Brad Pit in the same movie lol

Super awesome happy "Seven deadly sins" competition where Shabidoo will win and everyone else colapses into suicidal depression fun week!!! SIGN UP!!! ShabiDOO 14:28, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

Happy Monkey Competition 2021[edit]


Hey its HAPPY MONKEY TIME 2021 (Feb 21-28). Your favourite writing competition where we write articles on one another's suggested topics. Go ahead and sign up because the more users we have competiting the more ridonculously fun it is. If you don't wanna write you can sign up to judge! Sing up here. Remember it's not about writing a sure fire VFH article, but pushing the limits of your originality and creativity and spitting out an article on a topic you had never thought about writing before. Also...Shabidoo will love you forever and owe you like a zillion favours for it. He will literally do anything to please you if it means you participate. Happy Monkey Farts!!! ShabiDOO 15:27, 10 February 2021 (UTC)

UnSignpost delivery[edit]

This is a telemarketing version of the UnSignpost, which has been provided to all active Uncyclopedians (selected by Cassie) free of charge. Enjoy! MediaWiki message delivery (talk) 01:56, 1 May 2021 (UTC)

The UnSignpost
The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!