Mother Bronson's whale boner catalogue

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An authentic whale bone carving of a bunch of hippies glued to a football. Price: $850 excl. VAT
A pubic hair trimmer set packed in whale bone toolbox (contains 50% whale bone, 50% DDT-enhanced formaldehyde).Price: $459 excl. VAT
A plastic replica of a red-painted whale bone heart. Perfect gift for a friend if you are poor and sucky. Price: $50 excl. VAT
We at Mother Bronson's are extremely proud to present you with yet another high-class
selection of exclusive whale bone products for the right moment - that party with
the ambassador's wife, or a peaceful evening with your favourite special someone.
Why take a boring holiday on some dumpy beach among screaming brats and their lowlife
parents when you can relax with a friend, surrounded by whale-boney luxury
in the privacy of your own mansion?


  • Mouse balls made of whale bone. Fits any mouse without balls. £30,-/pair
  • Whale bone prosthetic testicles. Guaranteed not to knock her up! $50,-/pair
  • Whale bone bone transplant. If your bones have become too un-mammalian during
your insectoid practices, this transplant will shoot your marrow so full of mammaly
that a pair of breasts will grow on your back! $800,-/cubic ft.
  • Whale bone false teeth. One size fits all. Huge feral set £400,- / tiny rodent set €560,-
  • Whale bone cage for framing your artificial Christmas tree. Give some authenticity
to this traditional Eskimo feast. $8000,-/set
  • Whale trombone. Extremely useful for expelling whales from your swimming pool. £200,-
  • Semi-synthetic Whale bones made with 20% real Whale bone and 80% mammalian blend for
the discerning customer on a budget. $20/pound.
  • Whale bones for Whale dogs to chew on during off-season. Several sizes. £20,-/hg
  • Whale bone telephone for underwater communication. Stylish; also extremely
handy during floods. Base price 250,-
  • Whale bone diamond replicas. Non-sparkling but just as expensive!
Prices vary according to size and quality.
  • Silver necklace with a real-size whale bone embedded in a pearl. You'll get noticed! £1000,-
  • Ground whale bones as Chinese medicine. Works exactly the same way
other Chinese medicines do. £300,-/hg
  • Whale bone crown with near-authentic Sir McCartney's signature. £5000,-
  • Whale bone pleasure stave for the real lady. Have a ride on the Moby Dick! $500,-
  • Chinese T-shirt sewn with authentic whale bone needles; 100% cotton. £30,-/pc
  • Whale bone touch button for the air bag in your BMW; if a crash is imminent
just push it and BAM! the air bag rushes at you. $300,-
  • Easter Bunny carved out of a whale bone the size of a penis. £350,-



These luxurious items are naturally just samples. Send us an e-mail with your credit card
details and you will receive a full 120-page 4-colour glossed-over whale-bone-replica bound
book containing our full selection.
Whale bone - the new ivory!