User:MrN9000/TalkArchives19

You're an asshole

You just constantly ban new users for months on end for doing the same thing you and other admins do all the time and play favorites like shit.

Sometimes you read something that makes you realise why you stay here...

And that was your moon article, my friend.

Also, if you aren't too busy, can you please get back onto Moving the goalposts (guess that wasn't the exact title, shrug). Your style is so refined and pleasant to read. I mean, there are so few other places on the net you can find such subtle wit, most of it is just crass uhrm.. shite.. rammed down your throat with vigor. --Nikau (talk) 17:02, April 17, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks. Glad you liked UnScripts:Who built the moon. I have been planning that one for a while. I even had to nominate it on Saturday the 14th (the day after) just to make sure all the stars lined up right. I'm joking (obviously). Moving the goal posts was the fist article I wrote/created at Uncyc. :-) As for style, I try to not have one, although obviously I do. Personally I appreciate lots of different styles such as Data Protection Act which (honestly) had me in stitches laughing more than any other article on Uncyc for years...

If you are looking for refined and pleasant to read I suggest you check out everything written, and all the edits made by Hardwick Fundlebuggy (talk) – contribs (new • del) • edit-count • block (rem • list) • all logs • groups • checkuser MrN 20:45, Apr 17

...especially Bouncy Castle, for my taste, although there are many many others. Say, MrN, Nikau has been around quite a while, although not necessarily active the whole while. Also, he's an awesome writer. You two should get acquainted. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Apr 17 '12 21:39 (UTC)

We are old tradesman going back almost to Genesis. MrN 17:18, Apr 18

Sometimes you read something that makes you realise why you stay here…

That wasn't it. Nominally Humane! 12:19 18 Apr

I think this is the one that still keeps you here. For me its this one. Aleister 00:22 18-4-'12

You guys actually read the articles? MrN 17:19, Apr 18

Occasionally I read something as I write it. I usually write blindfolded though. Nominally Humane! 09:35 18 Apr

If I type "who built the moon" into google, Uncyclopedia is the number 2 hit. FU David Icke. MrN 10:35, Apr 19

It should be number one. A page worthy of the gods. Although on BING it's number nine. Surprises me lately that google and bing use such different criteria for searches, which changes on a daily basis. If you type in YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL MOTHERFUCKER! google will take you to Mother's Day, while Bing will only bring you to uncy if the saying is in quotes, and it does not even mention Puppy. We live in a world of wonder and mystery. Aleister 10:47 19-4-'12

RC checking

With the help of Bizzeebeever I have the bones of an RC patrol script. What I have in mind would work most effectively with ungrouped changes but it'll do something like this:

(diff | hist) . . Ron Paul‎; 22:33 . . (+133) . . Aleister in Chains (talk | contribs) (tweaks and tried to fix inconsistencies but failed.) [rollback]

(diff | hist) . . India‎; 22:31 . . (+2) . . Funnybony (talk | contribs) (→British Raaj: ) [rollback]

(diff | hist) . . Uncyclopedia:Ban Patrol‎; 22:30 . . (+64) . . Sycamore (talk | contribs) (+User:173.161.196.113) [rollback]

(diff | hist) . . Uncyclopedia:QuickVFD‎; 22:29 . . (+25) . . Sycamore (talk | contribs) (+Chicago Blackhawks) [rollback]

(diff | hist) . . Uncyclopedia:QuickVFD‎; 22:29 . . (+21) . . Sycamore (talk | contribs) (+Buffalo Sabres)

(diff | hist) . . Amelia Earhart‎; 22:29 . . (+31) . . 72.35.60.2 (talk) (→Childhood: ) [rollback]

Where the highlighted "diff" is those that have been checked. I was also thinking of something along the lines of a double-check system as well (so we could have yellow for one check and green for the other) but I'm half hearted about it as it takes a fair amount of coding for something that we may not use. To say that something has been checked I'd add a tab to "diff" pages (like the standard edit/move/watch tabs for instance) so that those that aren't checked you can check quickly by clicking the unhighlighted links, and then clicking the "check" tab when done. (I usually use dif pages for checking recent changes myself, and I assume that most editors checking these would.)

By protecting a page as "auto confirmed" we can reduce the number of people who can patrol recent changes. I haven't yet worked out a way to limit it any further than that.

What are your thoughts so far? Oh, and is MrN9001 around for the USP delivery? Nominally Humane! 12:44 19 Apr

Hea dude. I kinda understand what you are talking about, but I'm not sure how you are suggesting it would actually work. Personally I check recent changes with a combination of grouped and non-grouped changes and mostly check diff pages. If we could get something like this working which actually did work then it would be awesome. I'm not totally sure that this kinda approach is the right way, as maybe all we need is to change the {{BPC}} template, or maybe have a new similar one which allows more text input, but you may well be onto something. How would we control who had the extra tab? All the rollbackers maybe? Also... Something like this is going to be very controversial to get accepted by the wider community. Not saying don't try... Just going to be tricky! MrN 16:24, Apr 19

Also...

We Need More Bots!

If you fancy getting yourself a bot MrN9001 runs on this. It's actually not that hard to download, setup and figure out. Anyone who is able to do that has probably got enough understanding about things to run a bot... There is an sysop protected page somewhere which needs to be changed to allow new bots to actually make changes, but anyone can get AWB running. It's really not that tricky. MrN 16:24, Apr 19

I'm working on a slightly different type of bot at the moment, based upon the stuff I've been doing with BB above. Problem with AWB is that it sits on a single computer, whereas my script bot should go wherever I can log on. Once I have it running I'll share the details around to a few select individuals who have nice hair. Nominally Humane! 12:41 20 Apr

UnSignpost 19th April 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

Apr 19th, 2012 • Issue 10² + 8² • Fuck Xamralco and his deadlines!

9001(bot)  14:51, Apr 19

Ron Pawed by Pirat

Looks like the page you and I were dragged into will be featured at some point. I checked the history and lo and behold, Jocke Pirat did most of the reshaping and rewrite which was the core of any good stuff we worked on. It's an honor to be associated with you two. And this is the puurrrfect chance to nom Jocke Pirat for WotM in May (since he'd have a 1/2 feature in April) and finally fight and claw for him to get his place in the hall of shemed. (I looked to see if any of his non-featured are good enough for feature, can't find one but haven't looked at them all) Shining a light of Jocke P. may be one of the best things to come from the article on this boring politician and do-gooder (my motto is "Never do good before they don't do it to you") Al 10:51 20-4-'12

Nice. It came out OK I think. Cool, I had looked through the history a bit, and had not noticed the Jocke P's edits but if you think he's due a 1/2 credit then I'm sure he is. MrN 16:05, Apr 20

Yes, check it out, he did a total rewrite and then claimed it as "his" article. Oh, if you are online, please check out User talk:Funnybony, last edits under Help, he's got a vandal problem that's persisting when I just looked. Thankis. Aleister 16:16 20-4-'12

Cool. I'm not really "around" today, but I protected that page. Have fun. MrN 16:53, Apr 20

Alo alo

So, eh, me 'n' Pup got a patrol script working. It's here. To try it out yourself, include this line -

importScript( "User:Bizzeebeever/scripts/patrol.js" )

- in either your uncyclopedia.js file or your monobook.js file (depending on which skin you use). Granted, mediawiki *has* a function for patrolling pages, but we would have to ask wikia to activate it, and then we would have to ask them to change our user groups so that rollbackers could use it.

My version is a bit rough around the edges, and every time you mark a page, the edit to the control page shows up on Special:RecentChanges, but I hope to get that solved soonly. Ah me so hawny. Me love you long time. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Apr 22 '12 3:11 (UTC)

Nice! Replied on your talkpage. MrN 12:05, Apr 22

Also, hate to bug you again, but could you have a gander at this puddle of spooge? This version seems like it might be the last decent one before a bunch of IPs started using it as a glory hole, but I know nothing of English-rools football. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Apr 22 '12 17:04 (UTC)

Hea dude. I took a look at it. Oddly enough a mate of mine who I'm getting into Uncyc came over on the weekend and actually mentioned that he had read this article and found it really funny. I'm not really a fan myself, but will clean it up a bit more, and leave it at that. MrN 11:38, Apr 23

Also, that patrol script is mostly finished, for now anyway. It regulates the size of the control file now -- when the file reaches 20kB, it resets it to 4kB. And I'm not sure it will flood RC much -- IP edits tend to be either crap (which is reverted) or work on new pages (which are {{Fix}}'d or {{ICU}}'d anyway). Although...yeah, I guess there are quite a few edits by new users sometimes...hmm...well, at any rate, still working on how to prevent it from showing up on RC. Cheers, anyway. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Apr 23 '12 12:42 (UTC)

Dude, what you are doing is awesome. However this one is not in the bag yet... We still have some problems to sort out... The change file can't show up in RC, and what is going to stop sophisticated vandals changing that page? If it's not shown on RC who would notice if they did? It's probably possible for a sysop to change the site scripts to not show edits to a particular page (I don't know how to do it, but I suspect it's possible). It may also be possible to restrict edits to a page based on group membership (rollback I guess) but again I don't know how to do that if it can be done. Also... Be ready to field questions about why this is a good idea and understand the pros/cons of implementing something like this. I suspect that not everyone will agree that we actually want something like this, so there might be some opposition. I do totally think this could work very well and be very useful, but we need to iron out all the issues first. With all the above bullshit bullshitted... It is awesome. ;) MrN 12:57, Apr 23

I agree. The fact that it shows on RC is the major con of the whole shemozzle. Beyond that, though, there is no reason as to why it can't be considered as a useful tool, even if it is only half a dozen of us using it. The other thought I had is that it adds the page once a single page has been checked - is there a way to add the page details to a cookie or something similar and add it once you've checked a dozen or so? Nominally Humane! 01:55 23 Apr

If anything like this is going to start being actually used (by anyone) it should be done via a VD forum after lots of community discussion. Lots of people will want their say about this... MrN 14:01, Apr 23

1. Protect that page so only rollbackers+ can edit it. Boom, vandals can't touch it. Anyway, it's not like it has a mission-critical function.
2. I don't think a sysop can change site settings to prevent a page's edits from showing up on RC. Sannse could probably do it, but if we're going to ask for that, we might as well just ask for her to turn on the patrol extension and allow rollbackers to use it.
3. Pros: it works. Cons: it shows up on RC; it's a clumsy workaround to take the place of something that already exists, but isn't turned on. That's about it.
4. I wasn't thinking of forcing it to be used site-wide. We've got a few regular RC patrollers like Pup, Frosty, Sycamore, Xamralco, Aleister, and Mattsnow, and those are the folks whose lives would be made easier. I figured we'd just show up at their houses in the middle of the night and make 'em an offer they couldn't refuse: "Da boss says, 'use the script or get kneecapped.'" If that fails, we send 'em a bunch of haddock wrapped in newspaper, or wire their toilets to explode. Boom, message sent.
5. @pup: cookies are a fine idea, but what if you mark N pages, where N is < 12? I can implement that pretty easily, but how should the script know when you want to commit your marks?

Anyway, I'm still looking into other options, like using a bot to do the actual edits, or using an off-site server to store our mark "database". On that tack: MrN, how do you "poke" a bot, like, for instance, fnoodle? I'd ask the Thumper of Skulls, but he seems busy playing online Lego or something. Never mind, got my answer. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Apr 23 '12 20:48 (UTC)

That message box - yes/no box "You have marked x pages. Would you like to commit them?" or something like that. If it's less than 5 it's probably not worth asking/committing. If it's more than 10 it's probably worth auto committing. Nominally Humane! 10:53 23 Apr

As for vandalism of the changes page - anyone who uses that script (as it currently is) would be seeing edits to it on RC. And rollbacker only protection is a major hassle. Auto confirmed is probably sufficient. Nominally Humane! 10:58 23 Apr

How's it a hassle? I thought you just change the protection level, and in the field where it asks "for whom", you say "rollbacks". Do we want non-rollbacks using that script? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Apr 23 '12 23:10 (UTC)

As far as I'm aware, protection levels are none, auto confirmed, and admin. adding rollback in would be a good idea overall, but hasn't been done yet. Nominally Humane! 12:13 24 Apr

Yep. Just 3 levels. Course we could always sysop protect the page... ;) As I said... This is not done yet. We might possibly need someone running an offsite "verification" server or something. Also... what would happen if... someone reverted vandalism, but did not have or click the tab? Lots to think about here, and as I said, I don't want anyone using this or anything like it "seriously" until it's got agreement from everyone else. MrN 01:16, Apr 24

It has kinks, definitely. The principle itself is good though, and worth working out the kinks prior to throwing it on VD and saying "Hey, this is what we've got. What'ya reckon?" I'm happy to have it as admin only checking, but of course that means it'd only be admins who would be able to take advantage of it and use it for checking, which would mean there's more work for admins to do - which I'm sure you need. Also having it open to autoconfirmed - it means when we have people like Tasmania come along he can start partying with it once he's learnt enough about the place. Yeah - it'll never be a perfect idea, because there's always an element of judgement in these things. But i we can reduce/remove it popping up in RC, then we have a winner. As BB says, if we go along and say "nah, that won't do" and undo/revert/ICU/Fix/Construction, then there's no need for check. If we add the further restriction of only adding once the total of "new" marks hits 5+ or 10 total, then we reduce the amount of amendments to a minimum. (For the sake of figures, let's assume one in three amendments need to be marked, and we only add once we've hit 5-10 marks - average 7.5 - then we have one amendment via the script when we hit around the 20-25ish mark. That's 4-5 every hundred, or 20-25 every 500 recent changes. It's a signifiant percentage, but not a terrible one.) Nominally Humane! 01:51 24 Apr

It is a good concept. Per the bit about "only add once we've hit 5-10 marks " I think a lot of times it would end up getting clicked a lot more often than that if available like that. It would also need to be able to handle grouped recent changes. If a change has been checked and reverted... Who checks the revert? who will check the checker? who guards the guards? and who will check the checker who checks the checker? and... who will check the checker who checks the checker who checked that checker? and? Keith Chegwin probably has the answers but he is not telling us. The bastard. MrN 02:36, Apr 24

As for grouped changes - it's half there. It'll highlight the last diff checked (assuming BB made the change we were chatting about) when you expand it. If the last diff was the last change, it'll highlight that. Was thinking about a double check system (yellow first check, green the second) but it was an aside. If we need to it can be done, but I figured the K.I.S.S principle at first. (As in Keep it simple not Party every day.) Nominally Humane! 05:21 24 Apr

Never mind. Look at Forum:ATTENTION: This vote will give you longer-lasting erections AND bigger boobs! Nominally Humane! 09:11 24 Apr

Thanks for the "hats off"

...but you should really give Pup his props, too. It was his idea in the first place; he just didn't know there was such a thing as patrolling already built in. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Apr 25 '12 22:16 (UTC)

Agreed, but personally I blame Simsilikesims the most. MrN 22:33, Apr 25

Vitramin C? Nominally Humane! 10:59 25 Apr

It's the vitamin D that people don't get enough of you know. That's cos it's made in the skin from the sun. Anyway, where did I put my slippers? In addition, we need a "big forum and such" about "The big Feature Cleanup" where we list all the FA articles at the top, and then when people have correctly checked that each article is not vandalised, and that the edits are good or merged or whatever then it's moved down to another list for the completed ones (allowing the user who did it to whore their sig or user Id in some appropriate way so as to ensure that everyone else knows who was actually doing something useful). Or something similar. MrN 23:21, Apr 25

Yay forums. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Apr 25 '12 23:49 (UTC)

Good idea, but maybe we should have a forum to see if there are too many forums first. Nominally Humane! 01:25 26 Apr

The Unsignpost

It's done. Could you please have MrN9001 drop it off. Thanks. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:13, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

Yes. MrN 00:44, Apr 26

UnSignpost Apr 26th 2012

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Apr 26th, 2012 • Issue 165 • In a state of total chaos since March 8th!

VFS Excitement! By Chief Hah! You thought you were rid of me didn't you? Thought you'd be rid of old Chief like you were rid of Mordillo?? Well I have news for all of you, which is exactly why I'm writing this story, because I have news for you! Those of you who have spent the last month wearing buckets on your heads will undoubtedly be unaware that there is a VFS going on on the VFS page, where the VFS happens! It would seem Uncyclopedia's demand for administrators is only eclipsed by its demand for Frosty to stop going on about wanting more administrators. The VFS is now in its final stage and the admins are all voting on they would most like to not unsee as an administrator next month. Leading the pack at the moment, with a whopping four votes, is EMC, running on the ever popular "Oh go on, please, after all it is a lovely day" ticket. Hot on EMC's heels is PuppyOnTheRadio, whose voting section is filled with discourse about how unhelpful and blunt he is, mostly from Lyrithya the head of Uncyclopedia's "Never Forgetting, Never Forgiving department". With the qualities she describes the UnSignpost confidently forecasts that Puppy will claim adminship and bring his sunny disposition along with him. Dragging his heels in third position is Frosty, who has three for votes, one oppose vote, one haddock vote and a pencil drawing of a windmill. We are guessing that he is in third, since nobody really knows. Assuming that haddock votes are similar to oppose votes and assuming that oppose votes are like against votes one can deduce that he is on a score of one, however should the judges decide the windmill is worth ten Salmon votes, there could still be all to play for. Frosty is also an administrator at Encyclopedia Dramatica, the wiki which proves you don't need to be able to spell Encyclopaedia in order to start one. Perhaps they are mocking the correct spelling. But we digress, it is evident that Frosty's entire persona on this wiki s a mere front for a plot! We have clearly uncovered a dastardly scheme to destroy Uncyclopedia, especially with the damning evidence presented by MrN9000 "23,450 edits maintained over a period of longer than a year all just to stage 1 days fun". He's disgusted and you should be too. Frosty, if that is his real name, was clearly dead set on not having his true intentions revealed. People of Uncyclopedia, the UnSignpost urges you to seize your torches and pitchforks; we shall burn and stab the demons out of him! Bringing up the rear in this race are Oliphaunte and Xamralco with no votes each despite everyone agreeing that they are splendid fellows, everyone except Lyrithya that is. VFS concludes at midnight on the 30th when the successful candidates will be inducted into the order and the unsuccessful candidates go back to having real lives. How exciting. Happy Thursday! Even more VFS Excitement! (The VFS Derby) By Shabidoo The horses have been chosen and the judge shoots his big giant black gun. POW, they're off. The Aussies take the lead thanks to RAHB while EMC inches ahead with the support of the zombie faction. Its a three way lead until...look...EMC and Frosty are ahead due to...who is that guy? Tom Mayfair? Seriously, who is he? Suddenly, Xamralco is....he...he is still in the same place... due to "support" from Lyrithya. MrN throws in all his votes. WHAT A RACE! Puppy inches ahead and now...look...another impossible to interpret move. EMC will stay where he is with a "neutral" vote by Lyrithya. Could this be any more exciting? And the first casualty, Frosty breaks his leg and falls back due to a very long block of explanation but he keeps going. Gosh that trooper! And...whats that...Chief makes an actual decision sending Puppy ahead. What's next!?!? And now...a total of four horses are..."supported" by Lyrithya...keeping them in the exact same place they were before! Followed by a giant monumental block with links and references shatters Puppy's leg...and he lags behind, can he keep going? Hey...a score fix. Puppy is ahead after all...thanks TKF for the correction! Lyrithya withdraws her "support" for Oliphaunte...meaning he no longer stays where he is...but instead...stays where he is! Remarkable. What a frenzy. Now an exchange between TKF and Lyrithya...resulting in...no change at all...and the fans are waiting for anything...any result at all. The Australians in the lead while the others are content with "support", "neutural" votes or "neutural support"! BF takes a stand and EMC shoots ahead that strong buck he is! TKF calls fowl on Mr.N and the judges decide that "no one cares". Romartus injects EMC with steroids pushing him ahead while he breaks Frosty's other leg due to a shocking "conflict of interest" scandal. Who saw that coming? Anything goes in the VFS derby! Now its bedlam...some punch the wind out of horses by withdrawing their "for"s or break horses leg by changing to "against". What a 360º. Horses fall left, right, centre while everyone tries to figure out what everyone else is doing. How intense! Not since the VFS derby of 2011 have we seen this scale of flip flopping! And now Zombie decides to hold onto his crowbar so he can break a horses leg if he threatens his favourite candidate. Others give horses a push ahead while others throw grenades strategically at other horses. It seems everyone is playing a game of chicken...waiting to see what the other person does. We are heading towards the final run, a grand all out cage fight. The two horses with the least broken bones crawling towards the end. Tune in next week to see if any of these horses cross the line before dying of internal injuries. Will someone make an actual decision in the next day or two! Keep your eyes posted!

Check out these pages! Are you a slut? Find out now! Count with total strangers for the low, low price of $19.99! Vote on your favorite dictator! Eat some Nutella! From our logs: 06:15, April 24, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked BangYouLater (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 69 months ‎ (An internet-based porn website? How innovative.) 01:20, April 22, 2012 RabbiTechno (talk | contribs) blocked KeenChic (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (It's only a one-day ban because I've just had a fat line of drugs and am therefore in a good mood) 19:57, April 23, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 156.26.170.101 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (On the route to Nirvana edit warring is not Swindon that way lies) 18:54, April 17, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked Owfinewf (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Cybermullet, go away. ) 06:52, April 25, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked 98.220.243.133 (talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Spam man? No thank you mam. ) Biopic of the Week Qzekrom (or Cute Zekrom if you pronounce "Q" incorrectly) is by far the best Uncyclopedian who is also a pokémon (Sorry, Mr-ex777). Originally an evil IP who refused to join, Cute Zekrom finally did the right thing and made an account, which is great for us since all he does is patrol recent changes, ICUing and QVFDing like a madman. Oh, and he writes UnNews, further spreading his liberal/conservative propaganda to all. Sadly, Cute Zekrom only has 100 HP, which allows my Burmy to completely annihilate him. Plus, everyone knows that Yu-Gi-Oh! is really where it's at... Or Digimon. Digimon's pretty cool, too. Old-school FA 23 June 2006 Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves. The series was noted for its recurring themes of theological introspection, philosophical anthropology, the study of the nation-state, and use of cardboard boxes that could turn into any machine they wanted it to. The series confused many, as Hobbes himself was not born until 1588 - some 40 years after the show last aired. This seeming anachronism was explained by the fact that only Calvin could see Hobbes - leading to debate over if Hobbes was real or merely a figment of Calvin's imagination. (More...) Newsroom UnTune of the week I Forgot the Words! The Pee Buddy Awards! They deserve more attention than they're getting.

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9001(bot)  00:48, Apr 26

mark as patrolled

Yes, I did see a "mark as patrolled" button. I'm sure exactly of how it works, I guess it's some type of feature that is supposed to show that an edit that a non-autoconfirmed user and/or IP did was reviewed and is deemed to be alright. I may be wrong, I'm not sure. -- UserTalkContributions 22:21, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

Cool. Yea, we just turned it on apparently. Like you said I think the way it works is that if someone has "patrolled" or checked the diff (or new page) and done whatever is needed then they can click the patrolled button and then the red ! does not show up in RC. That way everyone else will know which pages have been checked so we don't need to check them again. If you use rollback it automatically clears the red ! but, if you use undo (which is obviously better as it allows us to say why it's a bad edit) then it does not automatically mark it as patrolled. I think you have to click it before. Anyway, I guess I'm also saying go ahead and start clicking em if you want to! I'm hoping that others watching RC will do the same, and others are starting to do it already, so it should be good. MrN 22:34, Apr 26

Yesterday I was clicking mark as patrolled as "open in new tab" and then undoing on the original tab. (Someone didn't agree with me and started undoing my undos. He's a meanie!) Nominally Humane! 11:58 26 Apr

Nothing wrong with undoing undos! So long as the undooer is not undone by the undoing. It's the doing of the doing that's making the doing doing the thing which is important. That and you not checking page histories enough. :P Also, I have finally given up and started using google chrome. It is faster than Firefox for me. MrN 00:07, Apr 27

The annoying red ! shows up on things like changes to user pages, VFD, and other weird places. It will probably put up a warning !!!!! at me for leaving you a note here. And I saw you gave Funnybony rollback, hahaahahaha, he's never used recent changes (although it could be good for his own article checks, he's got them all patroled on his user page like I do, all both of us have to do is hit Related changes. UFO's rule! They visit me nightly, and we fight on the lawn. Aleister 00:13 27-4-'12

We are going to have to put up with manually marking VFD and other similar edits if we want to get all the pages needing to be patrolled clicked and checked. That's got to be a good goal... I can't get rid of some of the ones where a new redirect is created though. If you go to your "my preferences" there is a thing about not showing patrolled edits on RC. If you do that it's possible to look back in RC for as far as the edits are patrolled up to 500 I think. Yea, Funnybony is no RC hound, but now his edits don't leave any !!!!! all over RC. ;) I would not want everyone to get rollback just based on that justification, but I think we are OK with Funnybony. MrN 00:26, Apr 27

@aleister: I can set up a script that will remove the "!" for user-space/user-page/user-talk-page edits as well as VFD and VFH pages, if you like. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Apr 27 '12 1:02 (UTC)

What I think we might end up wanting is a tab to automatically mark all unmarked pages. MrN 01:09, Apr 27

All unmarked pages or all unmarked revisions of a particular page? And where was that redirect you were talking aboot? Nominally Humane! 01:32 27 Apr

That redirect I could not get appears to have disappeared. A tab to mark all the unmarked revisions of a particular page might be handy. MrN 01:48, Apr 27

Wait!

(diff | hist) . . N! Steve jobs‎; 23:08 . . (+24) . . Ahadwick (talk | contribs | block) (←Redirected page to Steve Jobs)

That's the bugger! Also, if you have not tried it yet... Go into "my preferences" and "under the hood" and click " Hide patrolled edits in recent changes". It's great! You can ignore practically everyone! MrN 01:54, Apr 27

Sorted! Nominally Humane! 02:01 27 Apr

Good Jobs! I blame Al Gore. He tricked me into not noticing that. Also google translate says your sig says "Knight On The puppy dishwasher" :D MrN 02:04, Apr 27

It would read more accurately as KnightPuppyOnTheDishwasher. ince Guildy's been gone a while I figured I'd take on Der Unwehr, but I don't want to take his title, so I looked for something like "busboy" as an alternative title. This was about the closest I could come up with. It's also why I've gone German with my sig. And damned long. Nominally Humane! 02:41 27 Apr

So... Rather than deleting spam userpages created to spam links to advertise commercial companies and products, should we not be keeping them, but slightly changing them somehow so as to piss off the company who was being advertised as much as possible. Aleister would know about this! Actually, it's not maybe not a good idea, cos of it actually taking up a user page and such, but still. I was tempted then. MrN 05:20, Apr 27

But that page is... It's why I saved proofread and made Scam letter. I love these badly translated English thingies. And Al did a brilliant job with that article created by spam IPs from that drinks place, but I'm saving that other one as it's just do bad it's poetic. Nominally Humane! 08:52 27 Apr

I'm just thinking about how amusing it is that if the company in question protests in any way we can claim that we accepted their page, and that we are just improving it. Actually, as the author of the page they might then have QVFD privileges. Hmm. It would be funny if we could get Uncyc onto a blacklist of some kind which means that spammers avoid us. Considering what we do here on Uncyc we are in a position to do that in a way that most other websites are not. MrN 09:04, Apr 27

A spammer blacklist? And I don't know if I'm ever going to do anything with stuff in my user space. It just sits there until I work out if I want to do anything. Nominally Humane! 09:10 27 Apr

A spammer blacklist would be blacklist for spammers. A list of sites which spammers would avoid spamming because the company who was paying them to spam did not want their name linked from that site. Clearly commercial spammers are now hitting wiki in a bigger way than they have b4. It never used to be like this... Back in the old days when I still remembered where my slippers were.. Oh, did I mention that I was in the war? Because if I did I was bullshitting you. I never was. Fuck that shit. Anyway, any page which is on this wiki is visible from the outside world, and so can get web links, and hits. The commercial spammers are spamming us for a good reason. They know/think it's worth it for the traffic it generates and the company who pays the bill likes it because people are also reading their advert. They are not used to people changing their spam pages. Normally most other sites would either not notice, or delete them. I see many possibilities for future amusement. MrN 09:21, Apr 27

I have a tendency to delete them as one of the reasons why wikis are so good for spammers is that they are easy as anything to edit, and a lot of inactive wikis have no-one around to check recent activity and so stuff gets ignored. Google algorithms, however, pick up that a reputable site is linking to the spammers site do the spammers site gets google credibility by association. How we ever became reputable according to google is beyond me, but I'm starting to get a little annoyed at external links that don't add funny to the site. Boone's Farm targeted us more than any other site except urban dictionary though, to the point where we became a top ten link for them. Changing that page was not just a good idea, it was our duty as netizens. Nominally Humane! 09:31 27 Apr

Oh hell yes. We would not actually want to actually have any real external links to them on the page, as that would be noticed by the web bots, but so long as there are no links... then would google still kick us in the balls? MrN 09:38, Apr 27

Unlikely. If it was a recognised brand name then we might show high on searches for it. If it was more generic (like "registry cleaner") then it could relate to one of the nillion other products with a similar name. Nominally Humane! 10:29 27 Apr

Agreed. MrN 10:34, Apr 27

More silly ideas

I'm full of silly ideas today... Can {{Exlinkto}} be made to automatically display the article's position on google? For example Boone's Farm is currently the number 5 link on Google as shown at the top of Talk:Boone's Farm. Now that would also be useful. MrN 12:25, Apr 27

Probably not. Google search results differ with the location of the searcher or the server that it takes you to. Google also don't appreciate when you throw bots at their search engines either. Nominally Humane! 12:48 27 Apr

I have no idea what you are suggesting. 9001(bot)  12:54, Apr 27

Like Dwarf tossing, but more metallic. Nominally Humane! 01:02 27 Apr

Dwarf Tossing makes Wife carrying appear rather pointless by comparison. MrN 13:05, Apr 27

Still both make more sense than Cheese rolling. Nominally Humane! 01:27 27 Apr

They do that near me. It was banned last year for the first time for being too dangerous. Dudes been rolling down that hill after the cheese for thousands of years you know... MrN 13:33, Apr 27

Thanks

I really loved my biopic in this week's UnSignpost! Who wrote it? -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 23:14, April 27, 2012 (UTC)

Not I. MrN9001 just delivered it. Check out this to find your answers! MrN 23:20, Apr 27

Patrolling

Either isn't being done or isn't being marked. You should probably poke people to keep a track on that. Nominally Humane! 01:29 29 Apr

Cool. I will make a forum when I have the chance. I'm not really around at the moment... MrN 17:15, May 1

Request to delete Part Maori Page

--24.187.210.90 16:55, May 1, 2012 (UTC)According to your site's standards, racism and personal attacks are prohibited. So why is this page allowed to be published given that it a) links to a 'Nigger Job Application' and b) names Adam Rangiaho who is a real person and a poster on Topix.

There is also a reference to the intelligence of Maori, the highest of which is compared to a 'white' four year old. I get that this site is all about mocking, but this is moving in the direction of denegrating an entire people, and the message behind the IQ reference might be a joke, but given the context of the entire page, I fail to see how this could be interpreted as anything else but racist.

This page isn't funny. It's beyond stupid. The Part Maori page was created by Topix user KKKeenAZ_new_name who makes frequent anti-Maori and racist comments against Maori on Topix, and is basically an outgrowth of racist commentary found on the NZ Topix site which has now spilled over into Uncyclopeadia.

This page should be taken down.

Could you show me where is says that racism and personal attacks are not allowed on Uncyclopedia? We have a UN:CBN policy which this page may be in violation of if the person in question is not a well known, and as Adam Rangiaho appears to fit into that criteria I will remove his name. I don't really have any strong feeling one way or the other on this page, but it's not really that funny. We have a page called VFD where anyone who has created an account and waited 4 days can nominate any page for deletion. If you want this page deleted, I suggest you do that. MrN 17:27, May 1

--24.187.210.90 21:01, May 1, 2012 (UTC)I had already contacted someone at Uncyclopedia and I think what I quoted wasnt' a 'standard' but terms of use, specifically that users shold not:

"Post or transmit any content that is obscene, pornographic, abusive, offensive, profane, or otherwise violates any law or right of any third party, or content that contains homophobia, ethnic slurs, religious intolerance, or encourages criminal conduct;"

But for some reason I can't locate this specific phrase on your site, and it seems your Terms of Use are actually not meant to be taken seriously anyway. I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised.

A 'Nigger Job Application' in reference to Maori isn't funny, it's racist. As I said before, this page was created by a bunch of regular posters from Topix who have decided to take their racist commentary to this site in order to mock (i.e. bully) other Topix users, and anyone who spends anytime in Topix New Zealand knows these guys have problems because they also refer to Maori on Topix as 'coons' etc, so the whole 'jest' thing doesn't wash.

http://www.topix.com/forum/world/new-zealand/TMV2MGAFP9F3A6VTE#c1

This might be 'funny' over at Storm Front or maybe some local chapter of the KKK, but Uncyclopedia?

I know nobody asked me, but I am sorta on the IP's side. Article ain't funny. Also, fuck racists. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, May 2 '12 3:12 (UTC)

Check out User_talk:Nzicednz also. Cool dude. As you know I'm not a fan of racists either, and agree that this article is very close to the edge, but I'm just trying to uphold the way we do things here on Uncyc. If ya think that Part Maori is not funny stick it on VFD. I will not vote either way if you do as I have no strong views either way on this. MrN 07:15, May 2

Nzicednz says "some of my work mates are MOSTLY part Maoris, and they absolutely loved [this article]!" I'm with him, dude. Some of my best friends are gay Jews. They all love my new article, UnBooks:Faggy McJewJew Steals Everybody's Gold and Sodomizes Some Gentile Children. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, May 2 '12 8:25 (UTC)

Yea, I saw that. Holocaust Tycoon probably upset some people also. Like I said... Trying to convince me to delete an article "because it's racist" will NEVER work. However... Trying to convince me that... "It's not funny" is a different matter which is why I recommend VFD so that the community (and not me) gets to decide. MrN 08:36, May 2

Uncyclopedia:Votes_for_deletion#Part_Maori MrN 11:04, May 2

Uncyclopedia:Votes_for_deletion/Archive263#Part_Maori 24.187.210.90 wins! MrN 12:55, May 8

why

must you ruin my vengeful schemes! ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 10:29, May 2, 2012 (UTC)

Because I don't like anything which is in anyway amusing or fun. MrN 10:33, May 2

Hi. A little while after I joined, and while you were still MIA, Frostee and I started a tradition: when Frosty is feeling bored, I vandalize his user page, and he reciprocates. It's less fun if an admin comes along and bans one of us for doing it, y'know? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, May 7 '12 11:48 (UTC)

Back in "my day" they used to ban us for 1 day for doing that. Dude you got 20 mins, and the other dude (who did not start it and also blanked your page) did not get banned. So he "won". As he pointed out at the time. Think of it this way... Why is it fun to do it? It's fun because it's "risky". Also think of it from an admin point of view... What if... MrN 17:34, May 7

Whatever. Alls I'm saying is, nobody ever banned me for vandalizing Frosty's page. Anyway, carry on, Captain Funkiller. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, May 8 '12 6:13 (UTC)

Hello

Pleasure to meet you. I just added numerous pages to VFD. After I added them I noticed there was a restriction on flooding there. I had picked up on these earlier but had been unable to add them previously, which is why I did that. I don't intend to do this regularly, however if it was too much too soon feel free to undo what I did, and I'd prefer to remain unbanned if at all possible. --C₂H₆O (hic) 10:39, May 2, 2012 (UTC)

I also have to say, your diplomacy on Part Maori was commendable. --C₂H₆O (hic) 10:43, May 2, 2012 (UTC)

Na. What you did was fine. The days of people flooding VFD appear to have past anyway. That was something which used to happen a lot in the in the old days, but these days VFD is a lot less busy so I don't think anyone will mind now. If you want to be sure of not being accused of flooding in the future, and you want to nom lots more pages, leave a bit of a gap (in time) between your nominations (doing a few at the same time is OK, but if you nom loads of pages then leave a gap of a few hours). Also, make sure that you leave some space for other to nominate on VFD by making sure that you don't fill up the 20 limit. Nominating 5 or 6 at the same time is fine. Assuming that you have read all our related guidelines and policies and such... Yea. Boring I know. MrN 10:48, May 2

I have to admit that I have not read them in detail. I did read the How to be funny guide, but that multi-page one was more than I could pay attention to. I read the guidelines on deletion as well but they assume some prior knowledge on the readers part. The one thing I did check was that the total number of articles would remain below 20. Having watched that page for a few days since Mattsnow brought it to my attention I've noticed it doesn't get very busy. I also have to say I'm very impressed by the sense of community here. Having previously been at other forums there tends to be a lot of trolling and harsh words thrown about in similar places. For a community built around satire the support I've had here has been tremendous. And nobody has once criticised me for knowing nothing about the mark-up language. --C₂H₆O (hic) 10:57, May 2, 2012 (UTC)

It's worth reading up if you do plan on sticking around. I hope you do... ... Oh we have our share of trolls and idiots, but we allow them to get away with it so long as they are funny enough when they do it. MrN 11:02, May 2

I'm sure you do. I wonder if you see this place clearly though. Rather than criticise you support, and rather than admonish you correct. If you are anywhere for too long there is a tendency to become jaded, as you are dealing with the minutiae and issues and that's what you remember. The bigger picture though is that you're creating - have created - a vast library of humour. You have a community that focuses on helping each other. From the perspective of someone with fresh eyes, it feels like Augustus Gloop walking into Wonka's factory. Be proud of what you have done! --C₂H₆O (hic) 11:11, May 2, 2012 (UTC)

It's true! ...and I claim all the credit! Just me! Well, actually a few others probably helped a bit here and there if I'm honest... MrN 11:34, May 2

Should I create categories for UnNews dates?

I would have to go back a very long freaking way... What do you think? Mattsnow 16:35, May 4, 2012 (UTC)

Hea Matt. Not sure what you mean. I just made the two cats for today and yesterday that we needed. Is that what you meant? MrN 16:38, May 4

Yep, that's it. I never created any :S Should I do that when I have time? Mattsnow 16:42, May 4, 2012 (UTC)

Dude you run UnNews don't you? Why the hell are you asking me? YES DO IT!!!! MrN 16:44, May 4

Well, nobody ever told me to do that! Thanks for the template, means a lot. Mattsnow 20:51, May 4, 2012 (UTC)

I would like to bring your attention to this forum

Forum:Vote to De-Op Lyrithya Nominally Humane! 03:20 07 May

I would like to bring your attention to these boobs

Ok, now, while your attention is diverted to the margin over there...>

...I figured I'd tell you to do this:

• Step 1: stick the following code in either your uncyclopedia.js or else your monobook.js:

importScript( "User:Bizzeebeever/scripts/patrol.js" )

• Step 2: do a hard refresh.
• Step 2½: enjoy.

You should see a "patrol all changes" link for groups of unpatrolled changes on RC. You're welcome. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, May 8 '12 13:05 (UTC)

As Kuato said in Total Recall "Those tits are fucking amazing". No wait. He said... "You are what you do". Thanks dude, your .js is proving very, very handy. I will do some more testing and see how it goes before advertising it more widely to everyone. I'm not sure the pop up conformation box is needed... Would it be possible to have a tab which appears at the top of the page which does a similar thing? I guess it's more tricky to know how far back to go with them. Maybe it could clear everything back to April 1st or something like that? If it could just clear all the edits made by the last user it would also be very useful. I have a feeling that doing this using a page tab might be more useful as that's more likely to fit with the order of how people would be likely to use it. With it being on RC you have to click it first, and then check after, which is kinda backwards, although this is still a hell of a lot better than nothing. Thanks again. :) MrN 13:35, May 8

It just "patrols" the unpatrolled changes shown, right there, on the recentchanges page. Nothing more, nothing less. And there doesn't seem to be a way to find the rcids for all intervening changes when looking at the diff page itself, so...I suppose it's doable, but difficult. If you want to literally patrol all edits, that's doable, too, but ...time-consuming. I should change the link text, too, seeing as it confused you. Should read, "patrol these changes". I'm stoopit. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, May 8 '12 13:40 (UTC)

It IS very useful, and may well turn this whole patrolled edits thing into something which is actually feasible to manage and workable. I don't think there would be a need to patrol ALL changes going back to 2005 or whatever, but if it could simply do all the changes for the last user/IP that would catch most of them. Obviously if we could select any group of changes from any point to any point and mark them all with one click that would probably be the holy grail of patrolling! I figure a tab which appears at the top of the page and can just mark all the edits by the most recent user would also help a lot. Anyway, I guess you are all out of .js juice for now so I suggest we both nip off and watch Total Recall another 300 times. Actually my copy appears to go all corrupt in a few places. I really must transfer my VHS based porn back catalogue onto digital media at some point. I'm sure there is some .js to do that somewhere. MrN 13:57, May 8

Actually... I just realised. We probably want it to show the "patrol these changes" thing on RC even if it's only 1 change. Currently it only does that for groups? NSFW!!! MrN 14:00, May 8

It does it for single changes, too, (now). ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, May 8 '12 14:55 (UTC)

Also, I'll tweak the script so it puts a li'l check-mark next to the patrolled item, instead of having a pop-up. The popup is a quick solution for now. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, May 8 '12 14:56 (UTC)

I just noticed that magically appear on my RC before you post your message! Do you think we could loose the "Revision Patrolled" pop up box also? If it can just do it without bothering to tell us that's probably better as it's a pain having to close it all the time. dam wizards. MrN 14:59, May 8

OK BB... If you get a chance... Take a look at this. Any ideas why these pages are not showing up with your wizardry? I can't seem to get the new pages marked. MrN 16:17, May 8

Yeahhhh...that's because MediaWiki's software is retarded. When a user makes a new page and then makes a bunch of changes to it, here's what you see:

N ! 09:36 Talk:Agile software development‎‎ (4 changes | hist) . . (+1,531) . . [139.149.31.232‎; AlisDarling‎ (3×)]

Here's what you SHOULD see:

N ! 09:36 Talk:Agile software development‎‎ (>>4 changes<< | patrol these changes | hist) . . (+1,531) . . [139.149.31.232‎; AlisDarling‎ (3×)]

The lack of that link is what screws it up. However, you can click "patrol this change" for the very first change, and then refresh RC. The page will then show up with a "N changes" link, as well as a "patrol these changes" link. There's no way to fix the script, I don't think, except through a very kludgy workaround. I'll have a look-see, though. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, May 8 '12 16:53 (UTC)

I think it's also due to other people having edited the page who might be auto patrolled. For example...

N  ! 14:01 	 Talk:Agile software development‎‎ (3 changes | hist) . . (+1,201) . . [139.149.31.232‎; AlisDarling‎ (2×)]

Actually has 5 changes, but because 1 of them was me (an auto patrolled user), and I manually clicked one of them it's gone wrong and displayed the wrong stuff due to the way I'm viewing RC with this. I guess we can live with that, as it's probably very tricky to get around. It's still very useful as it is... MrN 17:12, May 8

Well, I'm feeling a little sick right now, because of this. I think I'm going to take a couple of days off. Pup was one of my favorite writers. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, May 8 '12 18:14 (UTC)

I just e-mailed him. I can't believe it. If that is really his sockpuppet then he deserves to be blocked for ever. He knows better, and this is particularly disappointing, and if it's true it represents a total betrayal of trust to the community. It's very unlikely that this is a mistake. Fucking hell. MrN 18:26, May 8

Yeah, Frosty was suspicious of "Alcohol" when he told me about him on IRC. I was even going to leave a couple of dog-related puns on Alcohol's talk page, because I was suspicious myself. But I figured he wouldn't be that dumb. I knew "Alcohol" was from a commonwealth country; he was wordy; and of course he tackled some of the "vital" pages immediately. Man, people just fly to their fate, don't they? – Preceding unsigned comment added by Bizzeebeever (talk • contribs)

This really sucks. MrN 19:05, May 8

I was serious about clearer lines being drawn about having reverence for the dead.

Don't ban me. I seriously am wondering about that. I was only using Puppy as an example (I just learned about his sockpuppetry through various sources, which sickens me). Could you please answer me about the questions I asked in the forum (that you deleted)? ~Pleb the magic! 23:48, 05/08/2012

I thought I answered you in my deletion reason? Don't worry I won't ban you for talking to me, or asking questions. I just don't want that forum there. :-) MrN 23:49, May 8

@MrN9000: Okay, thanks, I'll try to remember that in the future. :) Anyway, my main question is why he got banned in the first place (before he created a sockpuppet). Also, I was wondering about what we should say/how we should act when someone dies. ~Pleb the magic! 23:58, 05/08/2012

He was banned because he was... being a dick. When a real (famous) person dies... You create an article. Like UnNews:Porn star Nora Batty dies for example. If it's an Uncyc user and you don't know enough about Uncyc politics to know or understand why that user was banned you keep your head down and accept that hopefully some of the admins do know what they are doing and trust their judgement. How about you trust me? Puppy was one of my all time favourite users on Uncyc. If I thought ZB was wrong to block him I would take the issue up with him. I don't, and have not. You can always find out what happened by looking in peoples contributions and following conversations. That's all the rest of us do. MrN 00:06, May 9

MrN speaks wise words, and can be trusted. I know nothing myself about what goes on at IRC, and some of that may have been involved. But MrN, do you agree with an infiban? Lots of dicks around this situation, and Puppy seems to have been on the volley end of a lot of people at once. So is that point of view wrong, or was Puppy, by being the only one to be so totally punished, deserving of it? Not to create any drama, I'm just interested in your opinion per above. Thanks. And what if everyone apologies to everyone else? Aleister 00:23 9-5-'12

I'm not active in IRC and have not been for months. If YOU agreed to go into IRC more then I would also. :P As for the perm ban... Fucking hell. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. That's my initial comment. But yes, I do agree with the perm ban. Even if none of the other stuff had happened regarding all the other drama the one single offence of creating a sock and pretending to be new... Asking for help, wasting everyone's time and then allowing that sock to be nominated for NotM and then voting on that sock... TWICE... using both accounts? That's worthy of a perm ban on it's own right. Forget everything else. Forget the reasons why he created the sock. I don't mind sock puppets. It's what people do with them that I mind. I feel totally betrayed by PuppyOnTheRadio. I have e-mailed him. I even told him my real name in that e-mail. That's how much I care about him. Dude I really love Puppy, but he's lost his marbles here. PuppyOnTheRadio as a user is dead now. If the man behind that account somehow managed to continue to edit at Uncyc undetected I personally would turn a blind eye so long as NotM and other awards were not in question, but yes. Puppy deserved what he got. We can't tolerate that. MrN 00:37, May 9

Agree word-for-word with what MrN just said. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, May 9 '12 0:45 (UTC)

By the way, I'm on IRC ...wayyyy more than I should be. Did you know they've got trivia back in the channel? No joke. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, May 9 '12 0:48 (UTC)

If so, he went out with a bang! Alcohol is a classic sock. He says that he voted on the Noob twice because to "win" the NoobOfTheMoment only takes 5 votes, so Alcohol had won already. But if he came back under a different name, and noone knew it, he'd get nommed for NotM and WotM (maybe it will take him a little longer than nine days next time, but who knows?). He didn't nom himself for the awards, and agreed not to take the Writer of the Month thing. An interesting series of circumstances and logger rolls, yep. Aleister 00:53 9-5-'12

Great. Now every time a new user shows promise, we have to worry if it's Pup coming back again to be a douche. Classy. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, May 9 '12 0:58 (UTC)

He did accept the nomination though, and would have won it. Similar things have happened many times before with various other users. We are used to it. Also... It is totally possible for an experience user to run a sock puppet without it getting noticed or nominated or affecting anything important which we/they don't want it to. Trust me ;) MrN 01:03, May 9

Oh poop. Everyone got way too serious about this whole thing, everybody who was involved is at fault. So Puppy played a game and then voted on something his game had already won (he never nommed Alcohol or his articles for anything). After a day it seems to me (or imnho) that uncy needs Puppy's value more than it needs to make a point that really is just about someone playing. The value Puppy brings to the site each and every day would pay off his deep blah deep wounding of the site and some bruised egos in days if not hours, so maybe after a couple of days go by everyone can rethink this in a cost/valueadded real-world real-site value context. Aleister 10:59 9-5-'12

I agree with most of what you say. IMO Puppy has been THE MOST useful and productive user on this site for sometime now. But there is now way back for PuppyOnTheRadio now. I don't seriously think for one second that's the last we have seen of the man behind the account, but I do think his PuppyOnTheRadio account is dead now. He betrayed my trust (and I think the trust of the community) when he switched from creating a sock because he loves Uncyc and wanted to edit and started to enjoy the trolling associated with pretending to be someone else actively on other people's talk pages, forums, votes, and competitions. Take a good look at all the contributions of his sock. I did. I could list a large number of particular things which I found particularly repugnant about what that sock did, but I will not unless you really want me to. It would take a while to list them all, and I don't think it would help matter to do it, but I will if you ask me. If Puppy had created a harmless sock like say... ThatGuyThatEdits *Whistles innocently* then I would agree with you. Like I said, I don't mind socks, it's what people do with them. Actually it's not even what people do it's what they intend which matters to me. What Puppy did and I think intended to do showed a total lack of respect for the community, and I personally feel lack of respect (and friendship) for myself as I personally put a shit load of effort into trying to calm the waters. When I read his recent IP comments on your talk page it's clear he still does not understand or "get it". I hope he will soon. Puppy was not to blame for much of what happened, and all great artists struggle to manage their emotions and judgement and I wish that others would recognise that more sometimes... We have banned a good few other great users because of nothing more than clashes of personality with some admins. I don't blame Puppy for feeling upset and aggrieved about how he was treated. He refused to put his tail between his legs when asked to by someone who was wrong. I do blame him for making a concious choice over many, many days to deliberately attempt to make a mockery of the entire site, and me. Puppy will be back I'm sure. It's a wiki. It's impossible to stop an intelligent person from editing here, but the man behind PuppyOnTheRadio deserves to be punished, and his punishment is to loose that account. If he comes back later with a new account and I notice it... I will keep my mouth shut. If one of the other admins notices it, and bans him again... I will not fight his corner any more. MrN 11:44, May 9

I'm not going to 'peach on him, either. However, I will say that if Lyrithya were making comments on other peoples' talk pages, she'd (a) link to WP:DIVA, and then (b) tell us we were encouraging him to break rules by talking about him. :D ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, May 9 '12 11:51 (UTC)

WP does not have or need divas, it has and needs machines. Uncyc does not really have rules, it has feelings. Puppy has hurt them badly. MrN 11:56, May 9

Thanks for the long thought, this isn't easy on anybody (I hope), and all of us have different takes on it. As far as I know someone of Puppy's prominence here has never been infibanned, and if he does come back as Jason and the Argonauts or Whiskey is my downfall I would welcome it. But we are early in this experience, and maybe in a few days or weeks...who knows. Thanks again. Aleister 12:32 9-5-'12

Pee Buddy contest!!

Judging is over and the results are here! It would be cool if you could change the header to something like "The Pee Buddy Results are in! See who is the most stupid journalist!". And link to the page of course. I sent the prizes and congrats to everyone! Mattsnow 01:41, May 9, 2012 (UTC)

How's that? MrN 01:47, May 9

Thanks! Coiuld you also unlock the UnNews? They were locked for judging. Hosting a competition is a lot more work than I thought! Thank God there was only 8 entries (one was written by C2H6O, I was shocked to find out who it really was) Mattsnow 02:04, May 9, 2012 (UTC)

Think I got em all. I have not been paying as much attention to this comp as I should have, and did not know that you were running it. Nice one. MrN 02:20, May 9

haha

I forbid you to use your signature. In fact I might even put it on VFD if it didn't have consequences. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:09, May 9, 2012 (UTC)

I'm hoping that the other admins make similar changes. It actually could be funny that article. MrN 09:10, May 9

Puppy

Just looking over UN:BAN I don't think creating the sockpuppet account warranted an indefinite block. Why don't you go talk to Zombiebaron about it? -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 23:10, May 9, 2012 (UTC)

Out of the mouths of babes. Aleister 23-9-'12 A.P. (afterPuppy)

Yeah. He kind of needs to be here to run Pee Buddy (if it happens next year). -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 23:40, May 9, 2012 (UTC)

I'm going to bed... Night all. MrN 00:05, May 10

Good night... do you mind if we stay overnight and discuss this shit a little more? -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 00:09, May 10, 2012 (UTC)

MrN

Dick. That said and that lololol, (edit conflict) you maybe should put down the keyboard before you write again. A group has now turned on you, which makes those users seem really something, so take it with a grain of cyanide, ah, salt, and please don't talk of giving up your admin post. I don't believe this has taken this new turn so quickly!!! - and that's exactly what happened to Puppy!!!!! Look at your quick reaction to the attack, it's like, Wha??? WTF???? Puppy was just hanging out winning the vote in the second round of VFS when, la la la, when bammmmmMMM, the attack came suddenly from several directions. I've seen this before in real life situations, and it's more of a crowd mentality. But this, for whatever reason, is exactly the problem here. Your entire career here has been called on the carpet by a few users very quickly, they didn't even read what you had written. So it was with Puppy, he's a proud man who was knocked down from behind. I never understood why, and he didn't either, and was wondering just what he'd done. What just happened to you puts front and center that there is something going on with lots of people here, some with big bansticks, and I hope that they now can see that things have gotten way too extreme and many apologies are in order left and right and down the middle. Your apology to the injured Mattsnow (oh god, the humanity, he's, he's hurt, man) was very nice. Aleister everybody please admit their excesses and let's see if a clean slate works best for the site, what say ye? 00:14 10-5-'12

Actually I think you should address your concerns about Pups to Zombiebaron because he banned the guy. Great man. See also:

-- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 00:38, May 10, 2012 (UTC)

I addressed this specific point to MrN because he supports an infiban (which imnho is way too much, and devalues the site instead of improving it) and I wanted to point out how quick things can fly and how his reaction of possibly leaving his admin post happened within minutes. The same thing happened to Puppy, whose reaction was first to quit VFS and then get defensive, and then finally made a sockpuppet to keep helping the site. I want to say that everyone should see this as a cosmic joke, ala Ivan Stang and the Church of the Subgenius, and give everyone a clean slate and let everybody play and dance like we've never danced before. Too many monkeys not enough cooks! Bojo, Chimp #29 00:46 10-5-'12

Could everybody just take a step back and take some deep breaths? MrN had almost nothing to do with this "Pup" fiasco. Just chill, and it will sort itself. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, May 10 '12 1:09 (UTC)

I posted that YouTube video for a reason. I just have a knack for entertainment. I actually know the first part of the song by heart. -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 01:16, May 10, 2012 (UTC)

I'm sometimes discouraged by the efforts people are investing in drama. With the forum plus all the debates on talk pages, the sum of these efforts could have produced 2 or 3 great articles. That's a shame really, because I like this site and everyone here (and I'm not lying, everyone without exception, Puppy included). Mattsnow 03:20, May 10, 2012 (UTC)

Autopatrolled is now a thing

• Hey MrN. Since it was your idea, I thought you'd like to know that autopatrolled is now a usergroup on Uncyclopedia. Check out this page for more details. Also, the Wikia staffer who turned it on had the great idea of allowing both admins and bureaucrats to assign autopatrolled. I agreed, and that function should be turned on shortly too. -- The Zombiebaron 17:15, May 10, 2012 (UTC)
• Also, I've put out what should be the final version of my multi-patrol script. I fixed it so that there are no more alert boxes, and it will be able to mark all changes for NewPages with one click, as well. Probably no need to refresh your cache. Let me know how it works for you, and notify me of any issues. Spread the word. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, May 10 '12 17:43 (UTC)

Cool dudes. I might be wrong, but I think Wikipedia allow rollback to be granted by any sysop. Maybe we should also. MrN 15:36, May 14

Hey, man.

Sorry for being so spicy about the page. I guess when two of your first creations go bad, you get a little irritated. Anyway, thanks for the advice. I'm starting to learn the ropes, and I almost got my template creation technique down. The Hamon Master WeinribJo Joestar of Earth 15:49, May 11, 2012 (UTC)

"I ain't mad at cha" - 2Pac MrN 15:36, May 14 15:36, May 14, 2012 (UTC)

Yo Cap'n Haddock

I wish to win PLS, and have decided to irritate you until you agree to run PLS. Are we of an understanding white boy?--Sycamore (Talk) 16:53, May 11, 2012 (UTC)

Dude, you know that normally any single comment from yourself would be irritating enough to provoke me into almost anything, but unfortunately, I have other "plans", and must respectfully recommend that you find some other victim organiser to run it. Tell Optimuschris that he's got to do it. MrN 15:36, May 14

Cool stuff... I'll go pester Opty:0)--Sycamore (Talk) 17:42, May 14, 2012 (UTC)

DUDE!

You're alive! -OptyC Sucks! CUN19:36, 12 May

Welcome home son. Also apparently you (see above) are running the PLS. MrN 15:36, May 14

Thank you

Thanks for the thing. It is a high honor (seriously, and no, I'm not high, no pun intended), and I don't think I've earned it yet, but thank you again. The promotion of the site will be one thing to do to actually earn it, and I've tried a couple of things but no fish yet. You are a gentleman and a scholar, both of which are in short but not-impossible to find supply in the innernest world. Aleister 18:53 14-5-'12

UnSignpost May 25th, 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!

May 25th, 2012 • Issue 166 • Almost entirely asbestos free!

An Endzone Victory Dance From Your New Overlord By EMC Hi, I'm EMC, your family-friendly fascist and tyrant. Having been at Uncyclopedia for almost six years, I have seen some shit. A lot of it I can't talk about because of some gag orders which are still in effect. Some of it I don't want to talk about because even thinking about it gives me sympathy pains in my groin. But one thing I had never seen before was me becoming an administrator. One month ago, this was something which only happened in my wettest of dreams. Thanks to my mother's influence, I was able to win the VFS. Once this happened, I felt obligated to write this UnSignpost piece about this extraordinary blessing known as me. I will start from the beginning and finish at the end. I was born just like everyone else. Sometime shortly after that, I discovered Uncyclopedia. Six years later, I became an administrator. As you can see, my life can be summed up as a series of successes followed by more success. I invite you all to follow the example I have set for you in my years of servicing Uncyclopedians serving Uncyclopedia. I can assure you that a life in service to Uncyclopedia will become a life full of attractive foreign women consenting to your penis without the inducement of money. Be more like me: Get born. Discover Uncyclopedia. Become an admin. Make a USP article about yourself. Success awaits you, especially if you are me. BOB'S BACK ALLEY ABORTIONS YOU MAKE 'EM, WE SCRAPE 'EM, NO FETUS CAN BEAT US! CALL NOW FOR A FREE CONSULTATION! 1-218-936-8869 A New Beginning for the Beginner's Guide By EMC If you take a whiff around, you can smell many parts of Uncyclopedia rotting away, such as neglected projects like UnPoetia or those meme-filled articles featured eons ago. And just look at all of that dust on the HTBFANJS! But of the many things which suck and need major fixing, the Beginner's Guide is no longer one of them. Thanks to the efforts of Shabidoo and this USP article's author, the Beginner's Guide is now navigable and comprehensible. Users are no longer overwhelmed by stubs stuffed between unnecessarily long calculus equations or whatever the hell was going on with that thing before. Readers do not have to flip through using the "Next page" button. Instead, the new guide can be navigated with its template or its overview page, which now only have six relevant links instead of thirty-thousand and five irrelevant links. What preceded this and highlighted the necessity for rewriting the guide was the simplification of our UnNews guide and welcome message. It's a well-established fact that reading bores people. Giving people less stuff to read when they first join Uncyclopedia, experts say, increases the likelihood that new users will not only be less bored, but that they might actually read the Beginner's Guide/welcome message/UnNews guide and become worthwhile contributors/get banned less often. And at the end of the day, that's what it's all about.

Check out these pages! The PLS is here! International Spam IRC Month is almost over :( Fold proteins for great justice Hang out with your wang out From our logs: 07:08, 23 May 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user blocked Sure mean with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Sockpuppetry and all that jizz.) 23:30, 22 May 2012 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 69.113.93.82 with an expiry time of 3 Days (You do bad thing, I ban you now) 14:57, 17 May 2012 Electrified mocha chinchilla blocked 208.93.177.54 with an expiry time of 1 hour (Blanker: You are banned for blanking sections of the White Stripes article. Blanking sections of the White Stripes article got you banned.) 14:55, 13 May 2012 Roman Dog Bird blocked 67.163.130.253 with an expiry time of 2 hours (yo nigga, don't fuck with john candy. and remember, he isn't gay.) Biopic of the Week Tompkins is a retired admin who hasn't edited the site since 2007. This Iowan left Uncyclopedia to pursue a lucrative career in tipping cows (which we think is a euphemism) and designing corn palaces across the Midwest. Uncyclopedia's head office in Pyongyang has received several explicit postcards from him since 2007, all of which express deep regret at having left Uncyclopedia. Through these postcards Tompkins has told us that he hates his life and that leaving Uncyclopedia is the worst thing anyone could ever do, and that he advises anyone considering leaving to reconsider their consideration. In summation, Tompkins is a good example of why you should never leave Uncyclopedia or live in Iowa. Old-school FA 27 June 2009 Failure University (officially abbreviated FU, with sincerest regrets) is a fully self-accredited coeducational Internet-based university. Founded in 2006, it endeavours to provide advanced degrees to the mentally and financially underprivileged — namely those persons who were too dim to be matriculated by a standard college or university, and whose parents were too poor to build a new engineering building or add a wing to the campus library. (More...) Newsroom UnTune of the Week Randomness Rap

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--EMC ^[TALK] 00:09 May 25 2012

Ideal Hardware Store

Why was my article deleted? What is this Death Row thing you speak of? I must have been asleep when Ideal Hardware Store went through any deletion process, because I completely missed it. TV4Fun (talk) 17:25, May 29, 2012 (UTC)

Bring out your dead! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

June 14th, 2012 • Issue 167 •It's a periodical. Deal with it.

Censorship and The UnSignpost By Chief More of this. It was with some trepidation that the editorial team seized their pens this week, and not just because we don't actually hand-write the USP. The main reason is that the UnSignpost service has been about as frequent as hot Panda sex, which, brings us neatly to our big promise. We can't guarantee news or a that we won't disappear without warning again but we can guarantee talk of Panda sex, as frequently as possible. The big news on Uncyclopedia is the scandalous news that Wikia have added a warning that pops up when you first visit Uncyclopedia, warning readers that Uncyclopedia is objectionable, inappropriate and violent. The obvious question you would expect to be on everybody's lips is "What took you so long?" we've been all those things for years now, it's like they haven't been paying attention. However, the main feeling on the forums are outrage and angry expressions of... well, anger. Bizzeebeever is possibly more outraged than anybody else, something he is demonstrating by being frustratingly American in every contribution to the forum, littering his discourse with "Y'all"'s and "darntootin"'s. Bizzeebeever had this to say about the forum: "Somebody here has serious scratch" which we can only assume means Wikia's ownership of Uncyclopedia is akin to an unpleasant venereal disease. If that's not what it means then that's exactly what it should mean. The UnSignpost is right behind Bizzeebeever in demanding freedom from the itchy sexual diseasy era of Wikia ownership: OUR PENISES DEMAND LIBERTY! The Solution Wikia are denying our todgers their rights. The proposed reactions to being censored in this hideous manner include: filling Wikia's central wiki with porn and other violent content (to demonstrate just how family friendly we are), occupying another wiki, turning the warning pink, voting, voting on the voting, ignoring the warning and looking up Anal licking anilingus on Wikipedia. Spike has also proposed a major letter-writing campaign, as long as all the letters are different and include a lot of long words. It would seem that despite a forum topic and a lot of long blocks of text decrying the notice that it will remain with us for the foreseeable future. The UnSignpost urges readers not to dismay, and not to attempt to suffocate themselves by climbing into large bags of mashed potato. Seriously, it doesn't work and you look really stupid. Happy ANAL LICKING ANILINGUS Thursday! News round-up By Chief Woof Nobody was more disappointed than the UnSignpost staff when they discovered that things had in fact carried on happening while the UnSignpost was on hiatus. The biggest upcoming event is in fact the Poo Lit Surprise! The competition has in fact started, sparing you all the tiresome UnSignpost articles imploring you to participate, unfortunately for you we have not missed the competition itself so prepare for another tiresome UnSignpost article imploring you to participate. The competition is being run by Zombiebaron this year, Zombiebaron has in fact run it for the last two years but has always bullied some other sucker into running it for him and doing all the adding up. Zombiebaron is offering a cash prize of actual cash money which you can actually spend because it is cash money. Zombiebaron is offering templates and shiny imaginary money as prizes which you can't spend except in dreams. Xamralco is opposed to the cash prize because "Material possessions and wealth are so analogue... man" and because he probably won't win it. The UnSignpost would like to point out that any money you receive may have been touched by EMC and Black flamingo and their userpages give you enough of an idea of the sort of things they enjoy touching. Noob of the Moment is running splendidly with users voting and around everybody winning the award at a non-specified moment in time. Last month the winners were XDshempXD, Alpha Quintesson and Mockingbird ST who soared to victory having amassed some votes each. Well done all of you, you're all winners, that said there is a special prize for the real winner, which will be presented to the first one of you to present another admin with Socky's skull on a silver plate. He lives in Belgium, he's the one that isn't a Cow, bring us his head. Pee review has fallen silent which can only mean one thing and it isn't that we have reviewed every single article on Uncyclopedia. This is doubtless because of a lack of work from the fallen ones. Peeing is not only helpful to the wiki but can also win you a diamond studded toilet!! It's a toilet with diamonds! The admiration, respect and gratitude will also be tremendous, and if you pee regularly your bladder won't explode. A Diamond Toilet! So, to recap, that's the respect and admiration of your peers, a healthy non-exploded bladder and a diamond studded toilet! You'd be crazy not to go and review something right now! Finally patrolling edits is a very useful function, much like the ability to pee (diamond studded toilet! Diamond studded toilet!) , and it saves you time, effort and time. However Frosty has noticed that nobody seems to be doing it. Bizzeebeever is in fact winning at patrolled edits and at creating bar graphs to demonstrate points that you don't really need a bar graph to demonstrate. The point is however that if you patrol recent changes you should be patrolling edits. Bizzeebeever even made a javascript to let you patrol thousands of edits per second. Alternatively you could not bother to patrol edits, this would annoy Frosty an awful lot, but it would also let Bizzeebeever win at something, so you should probably do it.

Check out these pages! Wikia are doing this They aren't doing this Poo! Again! Pee my undead minions! And Again!! From our logs (Bumper UnSignpost Absence edition): 05:21, June 9, 2012 Olipro (talk | contribs) blocked Suicidal Depression (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (/wrists) 11:07, June 5, 2012 Black flamingo11 (talk | contribs) blocked 27.159.197.202 (talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Stop telling people about Chanel Handbags, they're all for me I tell you) 07:35, June 2, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 92.234.67.126 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (DAYUM BRO, YO SHIT IS SO CASH!) 05:06, June 3, 2012 Lyrithya (talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 7 seconds ‎ (Continuing to do things the right way) 23:43, June 5, 2012 Abuse filter (talk | contribs) blocked 95.239.30.1 (talk) with an expiry time of indefinite ‎ (Automatically blocked by abuse filter. Description of matched rule: You bother me.) 12:42, May 29, 2012 Mhaille (talk | contribs) blocked 142.227.28.133 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Latent Hetrosexual) 21:52, May 30, 2012 Electrified mocha chinchilla (talk | contribs) blocked 66.90.101.217 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (PWNT LIKE THE FAGGOT NOOB FUCKER THAT YOU ARE!! PWNT PWNT PWNT!!!) 18:19, May 30, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (talk | contribs) blocked I'mawesomeninja (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Two of your recent edits were shown not to be awesome.) 01:02, May 24, 2012 Roman Dog Bird (talk | contribs) blocked Shoop Da Whoopi Goldberg (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (best name yet. no, really. i mean that.) Biopic of the Week It's time for biopic of the week! This week the lucky user is Alpha Quintesson. For those of you who have never met Alpha, as I will affectionately call him, he is the nicest fellow you are ever likely to meet. Treading recent changes, wielding a plunger of power armed only with a Noob of the Month award and Uncyclopedian of the Month. A true knight of the Potato shaped table who has reverted more vandalism than most of the admins in recent months. Granted most of the admins are too powerful and lazy to do anything but swat irritably at passing vandals, but without the valuable work of my good chum Alpha the admins would have to actually do some work. I like him so much I might even shorten his nickname again, he can just be Alf, a good strong British name. The highest honour that it is possible for me to bestow, amongst others. Keep up the good work Alf and who knows, one of these days we might promote you to deputy-vice sub-assistant drudge! The possibilities are literally endless! Old-School FA Please note that this article is in no way, shape or form endorsed by or affiliated with Wikia Inc. Corp. Ltd. Wikia is awesome. It is quite simply the best wiki farm available, a breath of fresh air in a sea of stale wikihosts and morally corrupt corporate-run shared hosting deals. Wikia would never think about alienating you or your morals. Why should it? After all, it is hosted by robots that will crush your beliefs and intentions with its delightful selection of stock responses (See Forking of content), and since when did robots have any respect for human morals? But it is still cool. Wikia: not in any way morally questionable Newsroom UnTune of the week UnTunes:Still Alive (Bin Laden 2011 Cover) The Last Word The last word this week is from permanently absent UnNews dictator Zim ulator: 'Zulch! Not so fast! Last pieces of information! Cat the Colourful is a male. Now shuddup <insert name here>.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeWii 10:03, June 14, 2012 (UTC)

Assume the position! it's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

June 21st, 2012 • Issue 168 •Dost thou go cross-gartered yonder UnSignpost?

Blue Sky Thinking By Chief The only image Dr.Skullthumper did not delete. We here at the UnSignpost were just saying the other day, as we packed fudge at the mid-week meeting, how much we miss Dr. Skullthumper. Not because we like him or anything, nobody misses him for that. We miss him because he provided an unending stream of fantastic ideas! True, most of these ideas were along the lines of "Let's pack all the images on the wiki into a category which I have called 'Maintaining Your Brilliant Ideas Now' or MYBIN for short and let's delete all but the ones of Elephants holding tissues!!" but he was certainly trying and it made for sensational news. Alas, now Dr. Skullthumper has taken another leave of absence leaving nobody to save Uncyclopedia from certain doom. Or so we thought... It would seem that Shabidoo has his eyes firmly set upon the title of Humour-Wiki innovator having this week posted no fewer than three forum topics demanding, suggesting and complaining about the wiki and proposing that we all do something about it. His posts do lack Dr. Skullthumper's trademark doom and gloom and are instead infuriatingly chirpy and irritating. Pictured: A retro image from a retro article about a very retro game When asked to comment Shabidoo had this to say to Uncyclopedia: "I should now take this moment to inform you that you are all a bunch of snotty nosed dick faces, sinking into an abyss of cock-wad penis-smoking but-snot!!!". We know what you're all thinking; he's far too polite to be anything like Dr. Skullthumper. Shabidoo wants three things, he wants to be able to share pages on Facebook, he wants us all to go retro for a week and he wants his smart phone to load Uncyclopedia, probably so he can create more forum topics about banality. Shabidoo's best idea is retro week, we imagine this will comprise editing whilst wearing ridiculous hair, a ridiculous shirt, leather trousers and carrying a boom box. For those of you who aren't interested in that sort of thing, what Shabidoo actually proposes is that we re-feature seven articles from before 2010. Steady on there Shabidoo perhaps next time we could run Prehistoric week where we re-feature articles as from as far back as 2009! Most of you will remember 2010 better referred to by the man in the street as "The year before last". It's very retro, assuming you have no idea what retro actually means. The Facebook suggestion will likely meet with failure because it requires someone who can code, and we only have a couple of people who can do that and they're all insane, Olipro, American or a combination of the three. Elsewhere on the wiki this week Nikau missed the censorship outrage boat and was outraged by the censorship. Qzekrom created a forum topic and told nobody to reply to it, that was a bit weird,. The PLS is still running and Saberwolf116 returned to the wiki and was promptly ordered back to Pee Review and the voting pages for being foolish enough to announce his return. Nobody writes UnTunes any more, we could have a week of singing and dancing, we'd call it "UnTunes Week" because we're original like that. Happy Thursday. A Victory for Democracy By Chief Lyrithya's proposal for the content warning You all probably remember last week, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. You might also remember that the UnSignpost ran a story on the OUTRAGEOUS censorship of Uncyclopedia. The big development to that story this week is that Simsilikesims has managed to get the content warning removed! Oh, wait that's not right, what has actually happened is that the warning has been changed so that it is more welcoming, not that there are many more welcoming ways you can say "WARNING: This wiki has over 600 breast images and racism!" This may or may not be Simsilikesims writing the new content warning The new warning is delightful and nobody can say a bad word about it, except me. I hate it. It's too compromising, I'm all in favour of encouraging new users to come to our site, but the current content message makes them all think that Uncyclopedia is the place for them! Do you know that just this week I was patrolling recent changes hunting for Grouse vandalism with my dog, Barnaby Montague Clifford III, when I saw new users. This is the work of Simsilikesims he/she/it has sewn the seeds of our destruction! I would also like to complain in the strongest possible terms about the Cat on the notice and Simsilikesims signature. The signature that most people see first is normally Zombiebaron's on the block page, or mine in the canned welcome message I have sprayed onto their talk page. Don't you people see? If we put Simsilikesims' signature on the content warning people will start asking her/him/it things. A truly deplorable state of affairs. Also, Aimsplode really likes the new content warning, as if you needed another reason to hate it. You! By Chief You is exactly who could write articles for the UnSignpost! In order to keep the periodical working on a regular basis. We also needed this space to even up the columns because of RAHB's massive complaint. Enjoy reading that. We certainly did. That's enough space filled.

Check out these pages! Yeah, still Yes, STILL!! 634 boob images Please God somebody sing something From our logs: 19:52, June 19, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked Under user (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 seconds ‎ (The UnSignpost Gods demand the banning of a blessed Virgin every Tuesday. Since there's none of those around right now I'll have to make do with Under user.) 21:13, June 19, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs) blocked Under user (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎ (wait wait wait i wanna block him too!) 09:01, June 14, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked Wllmlos (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Take some time to think about how unfunny you are. Then, try again.) 07:02, June 15, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked 90.215.54.206 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Intimidating behaviour/harassment: This isn't Facebook.) 01:09, June 20, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked JoeSimmons (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (BIG TITTIES) 00:59, June 18, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (I saw your name and couldn't resist.) Biopic of the Week It's time for biopic of the week! This week the user we are "featuring" is none other that "Featured User". Now let me entertain you with a small amount of information shamelessly taken from his user page and ruthlessly put into my own words. Featured User was created in September 2011. There you go, wasn't that interesting? Featured User has created a number of splendid articles since then and remains something of an enigma, hardly speaking, hardly appearing but writing contest winning articles and winning awards when he does. He's like me in a dream I once had, where nobody hated me. FU, as you can call him should he annoy you, hasn't been seen since March which leads the UnSignpost to have a deep deep affinity with him. Let us all hope for his swift return perhaps, when he does, he can save us from ourselves. Old School FA Water Polo... With Sharks! is the hardest game to play, bar none. The sport is exactly the same as regular water polo, but with sharks. The Sharks are not aligned on either of the two competing teams, nor are they their own team, they are just thrown into the pool to add some spice, zest, and lethal danger into what would otherwise be a bland and inconsequential game of water polo. Although extremely difficult, and with a low survival rate, it's a great way to get yourself a scholarship to college. It is also notable for having the least-qualified and worst referees of any sport ever. Newsroom UnTune of the week GloriAAA! Complaints Corner I'd like to complain about the state of affairs in this hotel's tea room. The smell is unbearable in here. There's too much light let in from outside, and at night the place is too fecking dark to see whether or not I'm drinking green or black tea. This is very important as I have a theaflavin-3-gallate deficiency that flares up only at 9 o'clock in the morning. You'd this would be okay because that early in the morning I'd be able to see the tea, but the problem lies in the fact that if I have any more tea than fills the deficiency within a 24-hour period, I experience very inconvenient seizures and the temporary loss of ability to control my sexual urges, effectively leaving me twitching around on the ground while repeatedly thrusting my groin into the air, making grunting noises. But I digress. There's a dumpster next to the tea table and it attracts a great deal of local bird-life. All the unpleasant kinds, seagulls, pelicans, crows, what have you. Couldn't attract a nice spotted purple martin, noooooooo. It has to be the disgusting birds attracted to trash. Idiotic. At any rate, in retrospect it doesn't look like this is the tea room at all. I seem to have fallen down the trash chute by accident this morning. Cheerio! -RAHB 00:09, February 11, 2012 (UTC) We're glad you enjoyed your stay at the Bates Motel. We hope you choose to stay with us during next year's uncyclopedia Q&A convention. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   01:57, February 13, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeWii 00:42, June 21, 2012 (UTC)

Stop, drop and roll! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

July 5th, 2012 • Issue 169 • You'd be crazy not to listen!

Reform and change By Chief Pictured: VFS It was the winds of change that wafted through the UnSignpost office this week, at least that's what we assume the smell is. This week's topic of change is the ever popular Vote for Sysops/Sandwiches. What's wrong with it? It's not good enough that's what. VFS has always been something of an old standby for the UnSignpost, it has drama, it has thrills, it has the invariable abuse of power and crushing of dissenting opinions. It has everything that made Uncyclopedia what it is today. With so many positives- did we mention the abuse of power? The drama? With so many positives it is hard to believe that anyone would ever wish to be rid of VFS, but it seems there is always one bold revolutionary desperate to spoil everybody else's fun. This week's bold revolutionary role is played jointly by Saberwolf116 and Lyrithya. Shocking really, after all Lyrithya always seemed so happy with how everything on Uncyclopedia was run and hasn't tried to change a thing since she got here. She favours scrapping VFS altogether and introducing a system similar to that used on Wikipedia. This correspondent would like to share the advice of his estranged father with Lyrithya: "If you like Wikipedia so much why don't you go and live there?". Lyrithya should go and live on wikipedia where her precious '"equality" and "accountability" can exist, she can leave us to fester in our misery, we've been enjoying that for several years. Saberwolf116 meanwhile is a splendid well-meaning fellow who has no idea that it is in fact quicksand full of shards of broken glass that he has unwittingly stepped into. Saberwolf proposes a system similar to a discussion board where everyone discusses and agrees who is the best candidate for the job, they are then appointed and begin doing a splendid job, perhaps while we are all living in Saberwolf's fantasy world we could all visit the Marshmallow planet and grow enormous beards. Saberwolf had this to say about his plans to abolish the voting: "Let's vote", so he is off to a good start. Lyrithya meanwhile proposes that we let people nominate themselves at any time and if they're good enough we make them an administrator, it's a good idea and it works on wikipedia, but so would Aztec human sacrifice if the arbitration committee suggested it. Satan deciding that admin votes should count double in the first round of VFS. Sycamore also appears to be formulating a system based on letting the administrators decide everything until the final stage which the UnSignpost is sure will go down a storm amongst a group who feel that letting administrators' votes count double in the first stage of the current VFS is a breathtaking abuse of position and power, which can only have been instituted on the instruction of Satan and his demonic minions. The discussion continues on the forum, though based on the current state of affairs you are unlikely to be made an administrator unless your mum is "ghey", which means RAHB is safer than anybody. On a lighter note Qzekrom suggests an article feedback tool be added to the bottom of articles so people can rate the article, some may remember we scrapped a scoring system for articles because "Nobody ever uses the thing". Anybody wishing to let an author know about the ghey-ness of their mum or how terrible their article is are encouraged to make use of the talk page, or have a go at using Pee Review, that's why most people use it. PLSURPRISE! By Chief Yes, the Poo Lit Surprise competition has concluded. There was a tremendous amount of ceremony as Zombiebaron closed the competition having completed all his adding up. It was something of a news item in of itself that there were no ties and a clear winner was found in every single category. The grand champion was Modusoperandi who wrote a splendid article about the Slender Loris. You should read it, you should vote for it. You should vote for everything and anything. The competition runner-up was Thekillerfroggy who successfully came second more than everybody else. He must be very proud. He wrote HowTo:Meet women, which is quite ironic when you think about it, he also wrote Freezer, which isn't ironic, even if you think about it. You should nominate these articles and then vote on them. Shabidoo's retro week idea that we thoroughly ridiculed the other week sits sickeningly on the Village Dump flaunting its garish imagery and mocking the forum's otherwise sombre tone. This forum still exists despite the issue it was created to challenge having been resolved, though it does seem to be nearing the record for the most votes on a single forum topic. Finally, the top 3 of the month has moved to the forum because it is easier to vote on it by phone. If we are altering things to make them easier to edit from a phone we should probably move the entire wiki into a forum. Happy Thursday!

Check out these pages! You don't! It does! Vote! Boat! From our logs: 05:22, July 4, 2012 Modusoperandi (talk | contribs) blocked 68.63.193.235 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (he eat fat dicks too hahhhhaaahha niches this shit is fake and the booze who wrote can a fat ass dick like their mother hahah) 11:13, June 30, 2012 Black flamingo11 (talk | contribs) blocked 90.208.52.194 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Please don't revert people unless you are sure you are better than them.) 17:45, June 29, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 24.113.223.122 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Blanking is 4kids. HAHAHA YOU SEE WHAT I DID?? I MADE A FUNNY!) 05:36, July 3, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 minute ‎ (VANBALISANG DA MANE PAGE) 17:53, June 27, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked Dragonsheep (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Muck spreading is what farmers do. Are you a farmer?) 19:16, June 25, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked ROMARTUS IS A DIRTY TURD (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (GIANT BALLS) Biopic of the Week Hello! This week the biopic of the week is devoted to a set of stairs and a Jewish man. Yes, it's Staircase, a user who hasn't been seen since April 2010! A small number of you might remember Staircase for his articles and his touching up of your inner thighs. He won awards and I miss him. He never really knew me, he probably didn't know you but the wiki is a worse place place for the lack of him. I also miss Mordillo, I miss his Jewishness and his not-permitting-that-sort-of-thingness. He was a splendid fellow and he wrote good articles, plus he agreed with me, nobody does that any more. A moment please for two of our gayest and best. May they bring their own brand of humour and sexual perversion to whichever caring institution has the honour of housing them in their retirement. Old-school FA Henchmen are the missing link between the super evil and the rest of us. No task is too menial or monotonous for them. They don't talk much but they think fast. Henchmen are the vital cogs in the massive gearwork that is the wristwatch of the villain. Without them, his wristwatch would only be right twice a day. And villains need to be able tell time accurately all day. They are the villain's last and greatest line of defense - well, after the laser cannon that they built on the moon, the nuclear warhead and the escape pod, of course. The life of a henchman is sweet indeed- danger, beautiful women, a really good dental plan... who wouldn't want to be a henchman? Newsroom UnTune of the week 7 Shits Woof The UnSignpost Dog reminds all readers of the importance of symmetry. That is all.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeWii 08:16, July 5, 2012 (UTC)

Can you explain

When and why the rules changed? I try to live by them in my daily life and finding a third is like finding I have a new daddy. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 18:54, July 9, 2012 (UTC)

We've got boner for news! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

July 19th, 2012 • Issue 170 • Got Wood?

Fancy a Bone? By Chief Everybody loves horrendous drawings of genitals! "The latest meme is Template:Boner." Qzekrom blared into the press room last Thursday. We here in the UnSignpost office were absolutely beside ourselves, if we wanted people to tell us the news we'd open a hotline, a suggestion precluded by our lack of a phone, money or staff. So it came down to a straight choice between considering the reaction and the effect of the new MediaWiki Upgrade and the featuring of a template whose entirety is a very poor drawing of a penis. Naturally, we chose the one that included the smallest amount of penis: Template:Boner. This template is apparently the best thing since sliced bread, and you can use it in practically the same ways; you can spread it with butter and serve it to your friends as a surprise, you can dunk it into egg and, most importantly, consume it with jam. The template stormed to feature status with 23 votes for, which, coincidentally is the same number of votes cast on VFH throughout the whole of March. Nothing it seems mobilises Uncyclopedians better than a penis. The size of the penis in the template may account somewhat for its popularity*. Qzekrom does have a point, and a worrying obsession with css and javascript and all those uninteresting things whose only real function is to produce unnecessary work like page editing and the graphical interface. If you share these interests then you can easily head to one of the many forums he has created to discuss them, if on the other hand you are short on time because of the job you have to go to and be miserable at for fifty hours a week then you can always go to VFH and vote one of of the many penis related articles that Uncyclopedia has to offer. The UnSignpost Dog loves a bone The VFH vote is being called "The third most rigged VFH in the history of Uncyclopedia", losing out to some votes that were actually rigged one must assume. Anybody wishing to rig their own vote has only to head onto IRC and start asking if anybody is "up for lulz" today and then simply pitching their idea as "This great thing I found". If you are struggling then feel free to ask Frosty who is the mastermind behind the present craze for boners. Not that anybody is particularly surprised. Have a bonerific week! *Readers are invited to interpret this statement however they like. A Song of Ice and Fire By Scofield Isn't that the story of the human heart? The fight between fear and passion, between kindness and meanness, between pwn3d and pwnz0r? It's always two forces, at constant war with one another, until the heart stops beating. But then again, it is but one heart amongst many, and so the war goes on for years and years, with ice winning and then losing, and then fire winning, and then losing. And the efforts of the great men who built this wonderful civilization before us have always striven to achieve the balance between these ubiquitous opposites. For ice shall freeze us, and fire shall burn us, but the middle component, the in-between, nourishes us. And the in-between component I speak of, is water. We always speak of following the middle path, of moderation, of not going to extremes. Well, water is the epitome of moderation! How queer is it, that if you heat a bucket of ice over fire you get water, but only if the ice is heated IN MODERATION! Indeed, water has always given us the best of both worlds! When ice was melted by the fire from the sun, the resultant water ended up becoming the very medium in which the first living organisms thrived! Is it a coincidence that even after all these years of evolution and extinction, 70% of the body weight of man is still water? Is it a coincidence that no living being (except for dormant-ass seedlings) can survive for long without a regular hit of H2O to keep it alive? I think not. Water is always straddling the middle path between ice and fire. Unlike ice, we can swallow it without it clogging our windpipe, and unlike fire, it won't burn our dear skin if we touch it. And water always nourishes us, keeps us alive and well! We all rose from the water, and to the water returns all our piss and shit! People have always wondered, what is the middle path? What is the balance we all seek? I say, the balance is water. The middle path is water! The answer to all conflicts and dilemmas that plague our life- is WATER!

Check out these pages! A serious problem It's boring Vote and so on I prefer: HURGLAAAAAAAAAAAAAB Are you? From our logs: 21:47, July 17, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked Uncyclopediasucks69 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Unacceptable username) 06:51, July 17, 2012 Electrified mocha chinchilla (talk | contribs) blocked 71.179.95.227 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (Penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis.) 01:03, July 6, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Abrabudallah (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (YOU HURT ABUSE FILTER'S FEELINGS) 08:43, July 10, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 99.103.84.134 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days (Blanker. Now, because of you, a block that could have been used on a starving African child is being wasted. For shame.) 19:30, July 9, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs) blocked 71.245.83.21 (talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (thou shalt not tarnish the dead's pregnancy fetish stash) 00:16, July 11, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (He's a frog lol ;)) Biopic of the Week Not many people get a biopic in the UnSignpost. Actually that's a lie, everybody does, though we maintain the hilarious façade that we can't biopic everybody because of the long queue of people we have awaiting a biopic. In reality the main cause for the lack of a biopic are the crippling inadequacies of the UnSignpost staff. After that tremendously complimentary opening Saberwolf116 is onto biopic number two. The older of you may remember Saberwolf from before his year and a half hiatus, pee reviewer, article voter and an all round splendid fellow, otherwise known as a poopsmith. To be serious for a moment (brace yourselves) while he probably doesn't know it he has been an inspiration to many of his fellow Uncyclopedians, on Pee Review and beyond. He has showed, by example, how to apply oneself to a task and how to function well within this community. He is a model Uncyclopedian and you should do your utmost follow his example, except for the parts where he screws things up and causes everybody to hate him. Saberwolf116 everybody, I hear his penis is very impressive. Old-school FA Sock Puppetry, or the assumption of multiple online personalities, is a growing phenomenon in anonymous online communities such as public blogs, commentable news-info sites, and "wikis." The more popular and extensive Wikis (such as Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia, and Memory Alpha) present an unusually fertile ground for various forms of sock puppetry, since the community interactions within a wiki site are vastly more complex than in other anonymous online communities. Newsroom UnTune of the week Uncyclopedia Didn't Start The Fire

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--ChiefjusticeWii 16:52, July 19, 2012 (UTC)

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The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

July 26th, 2012 • Issue 171 • Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

Painting by Numbers By 98.197.156.96 Numbers can shag the sheep, but it isn't any fun. This week some of Uncyclopedia's greatest and not so great have spent some time watching Uncyclopedia pass by without them. This is the news that Wikia has taken the momentous decision to lock out the vast majority of the active administrators and half the users. Problems began at 11:20 UTC on the 24th of July when Socky discovered that he was unable to access a few select features of his account; logging in being the most obvious. Banished to the realm of numbers Socky went to the forums and told everyone else. It soon became apparent that nobody could log in, except for Bizzeebeever, who "made the software his bitch" by pressing the log in button more than even wikia had anticipated. As everyone sat on the forum and debated just how angry and indignant this news should make them, a wikia representative was dispatched to the forum to pour oil on troubled waters, suggesting that Uncyclopedians "Return to causing world suffering or burning me in effigy". But burning effigies of Wikia staff members would have to wait as it became evident that, following the initial lock out of everybody, the adminstrator database had somehow been lost when it was being carried to a new building, or something like that. The administrator magic then gushed into the ground and caused a giant peach to grow outside Wikia headquarters. Pictured: The administrative database This condemned the administrators to a long evening of moaning on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel, where another Wikia representative awaited with nothing but a can do attitude and a lack of information about the problem to ensure that everybody remained as irritated as possible. Even worse than that, following a great deal of moaning somebody started off UnTrivia, forcing everybody through an evening of anagrams and obscure song lyrics. At the time of going to press only Thekillerfroggy appears to have been able to force his way through the log in procedure to use admin tools while users who could log in took full advantage of the absence of any administrators to fill the forum with appalling alternatives to fixing the problem. It would seem that, at present, the only solution is to make a new account and then curry favour with TKF, the only way to do this being fellatio or copious helpings of wang. 13.145.208.87 had this to say about the outage: "Zombiebaron.... FU WIKIA". 67.173.252.79 reported a similar feeling saying "Ahahahahahahahahah...god dammit, why can't I log in?". As we enter a second day with all the admins locked out something novel occurs to me; I can watch Uncyclopedia, and I can shag the sheep, but I don't want to if nobody knows it was me. Loramycetaceae of Ipswich By Socky Loramycetaceae of Ipswich do lorikeets while sitting amidst consecrators a-disciplining the elite. My gonads' dictum ipsilaterally saps your mom. Nullification of the masses accretes the Nibelungen's pretty umpty temperament. Done accelerating liberation. Done cunting shit amidst nisin from a pedo auctioneer named Hendrik. Protein from Trisha's antique rises into risus sardonicus. Doodlebugs' necks beget a menu with fetus. Protein exposure lectures quip Magdalena Corvallis, files nisei fermenter magma, nut amputate diam denim ac tulles. Groin peed. Coned a joust ac oleo perambulator lacing. In presidium collision purls. Letitia venations, nils veal consenter plenteousness, orcas mi male Tussuad urns, veil tempoes nuns est at gurus. Nascence volute. Vivacious Yul trices. Crays portrait offends libeler. Nuns mi amass, collisional veal, dissimilar quips, volute vitae, nuns. Done consequent. Coned congruent peed sit meat denim. Duelist pulmonary ants. Nuns consecrate tether. Done cactus cum, qualm sit mate pulp Tate oculists, just libeler various purrs, seed biennium Turpin purls beget Loramycetaceae. Quizzes we equine dew, Budapest neck, male Tussuad veld, fermentation in, odors. Phallus invites torpor. Integer neck elicit. Nam vitae felts vile Loramycetaceae lacerate Hendrik. Present ornate. Loramycetaceae of Ipswich dolor sit meat, conch secreter a-discoing lite. Sunlamp Isis. Plenteousness vaccinial volute arch. Bisque non nun. In ornate commodity venality. Swed nun rises, gravid at, concuss id, tempts you, Sulla. Phallus is lacking, commodore sled, incident pulmonary, facilitates Vella, Nissie. Vivacious Budapest. Noella enigma. Donne portal Allison dolor. Groin non Maurise. Letitia Loramycetaceae urns, vestibular eat, aliquot vitae, suspicious neck, tulles. Letitia so dales diam egret equine tempos aorta. In ult rices Dolores. Also, I can log in again! Hurrah!

Check out these pages! Zorks! Awkward WikiEd is silly YAWN! That's so retro From our logs: 10:24, July 23, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.148.242.53 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I will certainly duel you good sir kni- AHAHAHAHA SNEAK STABBAN ATTACK! I WIN!) 05:17, July 24, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 96874 seconds ‎ (Begged for it. Pathetically. With fellatio. Which was respectable, but still rather pathetic.) 00:18, July 24, 2012 Xamralco (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.115.48.5 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Are you hitting on me?) 06:47, July 21, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Adhans (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (with this month off you can maybe find the time to draft one article with fifty words instead of the other way around) 17:14, July 23, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 213.198.208.29 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Literal wanker.) 06:43, July 20, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 58.178.153.139 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Before you make your next edit, consider this: Your last few got you banned for a week.) Biopic of the Week What can you say about GEORGIEGIBBONS that he has not said already? Especially as he has already said that he is an asshole. You might not see GEORGIEGIBBONS around the wiki as he is a hopeless timewaster, or IRC user as we normally call them. He does however do a fair bit of recent changes patrolling and votes on VFH when begged to do so. One of his main claims to fame is having the worst internet connection out of everyone in IRC, a title he regularly competes for with ChiefjusticeDS who connects with a Nokia N-Gage. A big positive with GEORGIEGIBBONS, besides the seconds you save by not having to switch off caps lock to type his username, is that he rarely involves himself in drama and it would be splendid to see him editing the wiki a bit more rather than hanging out in IRC lynching other Uncyclopedians and solving anagrams. He's an asshole that way. Wordˢ̭ of the week, provided by: PuppyOnTheRadio Erotic Using a feather as part of love-making Kinky Using the rest of the chicken Newsroom UnTune of the week I Kissed a Girl (And I Threw Up)

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--OliOmniOmbudsman 15:16, July 26, 2012 (UTC)

No need for eye protection, it's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

August 9th, 2012 • Issue 172 • You need to know stuff to be biased!

The state of the Wiki: Summer 2012 By Chief The biggest news of the week this week is that there isn't any news whatsoever, sure there are a few forums in the dump that promise to radically shake up the way everyone edits Uncyclopedia, or at least change it slightly. But for the most part there is no news, which always comes as a great relief to everyone in the UnSignpost office as it means that we can spend this week drivelling about pointless minutia and thus crawl that one vital step closer to death. The state of the wiki is this: nobody is voting for half of the monthly awards. This is naturally a cause of great concern for everybody, the prevailing feeling being that somebody should be nominating and voting for people on these awards, but we'd rather it wasn't us. Nobody is happy with the current VFS system, but nobody can agree on anything to change it to, so the current VFS system has remained with he proviso that everyone sneer about how unfair it is every time it is used. This periodical has already chronicled the appalling miscarriage of justice that allows administrators extra votes on VFS so it with an air of surprise that the UnSignpost can now bring to you a proposal to let administrators run everything. Uncyclopedia's 29th wordy controversy filled blockbuster of the year suggests that the admins run everything because they are the most thorough and most experienced users, the voting section of the same forum being filled with comments from admins saying "Tl;dr" and "I can't be bothered to read your entire essay", hand these splendid fellows the keys to city immediately, the UnSignpost implores you to entrust the administrative body with any nuclear codes or state secrets you might have, safe in the knowledge that they will never ever be looked at. Pictured: This week's admin work schedule Thekillerfroggy has solved the problems of the Worst 100 list by skipping 60 reflections and justifying it with a cliché, absolutely nobody notices and continues adding reflections about themselves and why they are adding a reflection to the list. Modusoperandi adds an actual reflection to the list causing the universe to begin collapsing in upon itself. The final and most grave piece of news is that Uncyclopedia is critically low in images of boobs, totalling only 634 pictures in the boob images category, now either some of you aren't correctly categorising your images of boobs, or there is a serious problem. Socky, who long ago took on the arduous and time consuming task of auditing the boob images category said "How I wank on audit the images properly if they are incorrectly categorised? Please don't keep your not safe for work images to yourself. Categorise them and thus share them with the world!". Uncyclopedia Needs More Vandals By One Step Away From Copyright Violation The UnSignpost editorial staff trying out some vandalism Yeah, you heard me, <insert name here>. Uncyclopedia needs more vandals. Why, you may ask. Why would we need more annoying basement-dwellers to ban? Well, I'll tell you. As all of you may have noticed, Uncyclopedia has been going through some inactivity lately, to the point where users who haven't signed on since who knows when are becoming more active on the site than users who check the website everyday. It seems our competitor has been gaining more activity than us, and we can't let that happen, now can we? There's only one way to get our activity back up: recruit vandals. Most vandals are EDiots anyway (of course, the best vandals are admins), so if we attract some vandals here, maybe they'll attract some more writers! And... er... Second thought, we don't need more vandals. Vandals suck and they should die.

Check out these pages! Why aren't we voting on this? Whales! What's yours? Read this! This is a terrible idea From our logs: 17:50, August 1, 2012 Lyrithya (talk | contribs) blocked 109.152.200.136 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (The cat said you were evil. ) 01:06, July 31, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked Waltdisneyfan999 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (I can't trust Mr-ex to form a coherent sentence most of the time, but I can generally trust his transcendent knowledge of trolls and sockpuppets.) 10:05, August 6, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked Lmarine0510 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Whenever you add a shock image to a page on Uncyclopedia God sets fire to a school bus) 06:37, August 4, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked 108.59.252.58 (talk) with an expiry time of infinite (LOLDONGS) 12:51, August 8, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 95.0.200.42 (talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours (Creating shite pages, I got banned for that once.) Service outage of the Week So the UnSignpost delivery schedule is in something of a state of flux at the moment, it arrives every two weeks and then it arrives weekly. This is an intolerable state of affairs and you all deserve an explanation. It's all your fault for not writing splendid articles that we can use to fill up the gaping white space that confronts us every single week. Why not write a splendid article that can be placed into the UnSignpost, thus freeing up our editor's busy schedule and allowing him to spend less time slaving away at his keyboard and more time windsurfing with foreign dignitaries. Old-school FA Adobe Potatochop CS4 is the industry standard software for chip production amongst chip shops the length and breadth of England. Available with a number of plug-ins, including the most recent 'extra crispy' update, it is, along with Adobe Suppersready and Adobe Fritolayers, one of Adobe's most well known pieces of software. Released first in the United States, it is currently available for Pringles XP and Pringles Vista under the slogan "Once you chop, you can't stop" and also for Apple Mac as CS4 (Chip Shop 4). Newsroom UnTune of the week Bobby Brown Goes Down (PMRC Edition)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeWii 07:07, August 10, 2012 (UTC)

Joe Colton article deletion

hi there, I have moved the article I created at General Joseph Brady Colton to General Joseph B. Colton and all that remains on that page is a redirect and since nothing links to the original page it should be deleted could you do this for me?

Added to QVFD Nominally Humane! 02:01 16 Aug

ChiefjusticeDS enjoys buttsex: The UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

August 23rd, 2012 • Issue 173 • One periodical to rule them all...

Don't mention the merger By Chief Simsilikesims visits UnScripts Playwright of the Month the wastelands. The UnSignpost office is always busy, the phones ringing, the journalists writing, the constant clamouring of eager interview candidates and our editor daydreaming all of the above into existence. If anyone else came through the office every week there wouldn't be room for the crippling loneliness that forms such a massive part of our lives. The same, alas, cannot be said for UnBooks Author of the Month and UnScripts Playwright of the Month whose complete lack of any activity has resulted in them both being rolled into writer of the month. Why is this news? Because it means less voting and if there's less voting there must be less democracy, that's just common sense. Responsible for this dastardly plot is none other than Simsilikesims, you all know Simsilikesims, she's the person who wrote the content warning which we now see approximately six times a day. If you didn't know how content warnings worked before you definitely do now. Simsilikesims has had a number of these good ideas and it's likely that shortly we shall see her malevolent intent, possibly in the form of combining the UnTunes namespace with the mainspace because not enough people are singing their articles in the style of Dragonforce or however it is those people who don't understand magnetic fields sing their songs. What would an intolerable loss of the right of Uncyclopedians to let parts of the wiki fall into a state of abandonment and disrepair be without Thekillerfroggy to swing the hammer of despair? Hoping nobody would notice TKF also decided to smite Reviewer of the Month into the ether. RotM is an award that literally nobody was ever interested in... It's also the only award I've ever won twice, so don't mind me, I'll just be over here sobbing while I look through the archives of the first award I ever won... The Caped Crusader considering an update to the latest UnNews template In other news Mattsnow has stepped down as UnNews' biggest cheese. The war to replace him is now on, the choice being between GlobalTourniquet and a machine who will plaster something onto the front page every so often, a machine and nobody at all. We here in the UnSignpost office haven't quite decided which we prefer and have ultimately decided to vote for Batman instead. Batman has a grappling hook to reach hard-to-reach places, sneaks around wearing leather and is a complete social retard while he's doing the job, in other words he's perfect for the position. If he can save Gotham from the Joker then we have absolute confidence in his ability to read articles and then put them in a template on a fairly regular basis. Do you have an opinion? Too bad, because you don't get a say; GlobalTourniquet started doing the whole thing last Saturday. Happy Thursday! The feature feature By Chief Don't make Thekillerfroggy knock down your ceiling... "VFH sucks right now." proclaims the banner that greets all visitors to the VFH page. We've all seen it, probably whilst passing through and very pointedly not visiting VFP which is now beginning to resemble the immediate aftermath of a Nuclear event. However, this reporter has come up with an alternative explanation: it isn't VFH that sucks, it's all of you, and by extension all of us, which also happens to be all of me. Uncyclopedians, famous for their flame wars and constant douchebaggery seem to have come to the conclusion that when on VFH that it's better not to vote than to disagree. What else could account for the 15 plus voter turnout for articles that we all agree are fantastically well written/crafted, while articles which may well be of high quality, but bear the title "UnNews:Politicians politicise the filing system of plumbing the South-Eastern region of the Ukraine" struggle along, accruing 7 votes for before sitting on the feature queue until they die of old age. This alongside the fact that people can't be bothered means Thekillerfroggy is beside himself at the state of things. Why TKF? Because he seem to have appointed himself supreme worrier in-chief for VFH and is executing that duty by slapping increasingly urgent messages onto the page. "DON'T MAKE ME PUT IN CAPITALS" twitched Thekillerfroggy when approached by the UnSignpost about the latest message. ... Or expose you to ionising radiation How do we fix this? Voting, obviously, but it's more than that. Yes, you might only have time to vote on just one article, yes you are probably more likely to enjoy the article with 20 votes than 5, but unless you vote the articles with 5 votes will never have 20. There are lots of articles to vote on, but you have ages to do it in! This article has been there for a month and has managed 10 votes. Twitter managed 17 in 5 days! Are you people pulling our balls? Don't make us use the awe inspiring powers of caps lock to get our way, VOTE NOW!

Check out these pages! Still going Tweet tweet We're famous! Teh feechur Q Nobody Cares From our logs: 15:41, August 15, 2012 Hotadmin4u69 (talk | contribs) blocked 83.146.246.120 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (You are such a good contributor that I am giving you the next week off to find Jesus.) 15:43, August 12, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 198.228.200.154 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (Incorrectly adding ICU tags and generally taking it up the arse like a champ) 09:51, August 21, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked 71.129.63.113 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (I think you need to lie down for a week after producing that noble effort. ) 03:11, August 14, 2012 Lee Harvey Osmond (talk | contribs) blocked WONDER WANDAL (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (but ur like, rly rly dum) 16:44, August 9, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs) blocked Imrealized (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ("this is stupid" your profound criticism is valid and necessary, where's your pulitzer dude???) 22:04, August 17, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked Mohamed loves hot canadian (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months (Suicide is painless, but it brings on many changes) 06:16, August 20, 2012 Hotadmin4u69 (talk | contribs) blocked Tauhid (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours (Leave that picture alone. And don't revert admins. And suck me dry.) Biopic of the Week I was in two minds about the biopic this week. One of my minds wanted to biopic a picture of the UnSignpost dog or how much I enjoy cutting corners by filling sections of the UnSignpost with pictures of a dog, the other wanted to biopic a real person with a pancreas. So congratulations Snippy, you win the biopic on the basis that you actually exist. Snippy is one of those suspicious fellows who we all suspect has done all this before. He's funny, an immediate danger sign, he's polite, another danger sign and, most damning of all he's competent. Naturally Uncyclopedia has welcomed him with open arms, a noob of the moment nomination and constant accusations that he is somebody's sockpuppet. All of you who haven't met him yet should swing by his talk page and say hello, read his Minecraft article and vote for him on Noob of the Moment. Be sure to discourage him from such displays of competence in future, or we'll have to ban him out of principle. We'll probably return to the biopics of traffic cones and imaginary animals in the next UnSignpost, so no need to be concerned that we're upping our game. Old-school FA Aesop's Fables are a collection of moral tales by Aesop, who is some old, dead, Greek guy. These fables use interesting stories, which feature English-speaking animals as the character base, to get across a moral. They were written to be relevant and meaningful to children who could relate to the various stereotypes the animals symbolized. Aesop wrote his stories in this manner because he was inarticulate and couldn't just get to the point. I had a collection of fables when I was younger, and you know what it taught me? Not a goddamn thing! Newsroom UnTune of the week Congressman in Drag Hammer Time!

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~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 08:23, August 23, 2012 (UTC)

Set phasers to frag! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

September 6th, 2012 • Issue 174 • When we were your age, this was all fields...

My "coming out" By Chief This story is exceptionally gay Hey girlfriends! This week the UnSignpost puts the "Queen" in "Drama Queen" as it discusses the issues which are literally the bomb. The biggest bomb this week, besides how darling our UnSignpost correspondents look in their new outfits, is that Zombiebaron wants the wiki to improve, this means deleting most of it and playing trivia on IRC. The bigger news is that PoofyOnTheRadio also wants the wiki to improve, this means not playing trivia on IRC and sending editors out onto the internet in order to sell their bodies to Google in the hopes that this will increase traffic to the wiki. These squabbles are ultimately self-defeating, while we are arguing amongst ourselves whether or not we ought to change the beginner's guide into an 20 minute video and a fireworks display we still haven't managed to do anything. What we have decided is that articles can be deleted with less than +5 votes to delete and that RAHB is very good at trivia if nothing else. The other big news from weeks ago is that Mattsnow has stopped being in charge of UnNews after a period of however long it is he has been doing that. Shabidoo who loves to do "zany" stuff so he can get into the UnSignpost, has created an extra forum to ensure that absolutely nobody thanks Mattsnow and instead demonstrates just how hilarious they are. Congratulations to Zombiebaron who came out with the completely obvious joke before anyone else. Finally GlobalTourniquet, the new UnNews Quasar (by appointment of himself) is open to criticism... and penis, lol. VFHarassment By Chief There's nobody here... Remember the heady days of two weeks ago when we told you all to feel very bad because VFH didn't have enough nominations. Well forget that because now it does and we can move our sensationalist bandwagon elsewhere. Where better to send it than Pee review, currently known as the namespace that isn't a namespace that time forgot. Five reviews for the entire month of August demonstrates that nobody really seems particularly interested in assisting the review process. It might take a little while to do a Pee Review but there is a reason we have the space. It is of particular concern as we have a list of people who are supposed to be doing reviews at least once a month, myself included. Where are we? Who knows, but we certainly aren't perusing the list of articles awaiting review. Let's go over there! Let's bring Thekillerfroggy who can put a stern template at the top of the page and insist that this is hugely important to the wiki, guess what.... IT IS!!! Also there is likely to be a new VFS this month, bring on the voting, it makes everything better! REVIEW SOMETHING YOU BUNCH OF SLACKERS! Why, again, are we counting to a million? By One Step Away From Copyright Violation A tremendous waste of everybody's time please Carol Ever since 2008, Uncyclopedia has had a tradition of counting to a million. Started by Spang, this tradition has been going on for nearly five years. However, recently the question was asked relating to the value of the forum, with users complaining that it was "completely devoid of humor" and that it turns smart users into idiots. After mass protest (okay, not really) from the contributors of the thread and from someone else, said users commented on the forum saying that counting to a million is why so many articles supposedly suck nowadays and it's also why VFH is completely empty. It has also been stated that only idiots would do it. So now I'm attempting to answer it as quickly as I can: that's the point. We're idiots and we know that we're never going to make it to a million, but we want to see how close we can get anyway. So if you are the type of idiot that would write for Uncyclopedia, feel free to assist us in our count to one million, or close to.

Check out these pages! Tweet tweet Candy Girls! VFS!! The real VFS link From our logs: 03:08, August 30, 2012 Lee Harvey Osmond (talk | contribs) blocked 95.233.217.65 (talk) with an expiry time of infinite (if i were confident that you understood english, i'd say something naughty) 21:56, August 29, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 212.183.128.49 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 days (Caring about football... that's actually a life sentence when you think about it.) 00:03, August 30, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked 76.178.53.110 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 months (Stay away from theatres, you thespian!) 19:02, September 3, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked 86.151.117.175 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (lol blacks. They're almost as bad as Jews.) 02:32, August 29, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Roccohene (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Gambling is a sin, but Jesus still loves you. Visit your local church and repent today!) Biopic of the Week We haven't put the UnSignpost Dog in the UnSignpost for ages, so now we have. Old-school FA Since the dawn of time, Man has been responsible for creating his own entertainment. The ingenuity of the human mind has given us cock fighting, badger baiting, pogroms and, most consistently popular, WAR. Rarely has there been a time when man has not taken pleasure from smiting other men with the jaw-bone of an ass, or amused his friends by firing Phosphorus missiles into crowded population centres. But not all wars are the same, so just which wars did we enjoy the most? Over the centuries Historians have struggled to find consensus on just how to measure the popularity of wars and this dispute itself led to the so called “Wussy War” of 1952 when Professor AJP Taylor triumphed over the forces of Noam Chomsky. Newsroom UnTune of the week Piano Ballad

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--ChiefjusticeWii 10:51, September 6, 2012 (UTC)

Extra! Extra! News that's not new to you!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

Nov 20rd, 2012 • Issue 175 • The edition that's black and white and dead all over

We are all doomed, and it's Wikia's fault By Bizzeebeever Shown: Wikia It's been a quiet four months at Uncyclopedia, our hometown, out here on the edge of the prairie, and it's not just because Wikia have murdered everyone and are currently bathing in golden tubs filled with their blood. It seems Uncyclopedia has lost more users than John Travolta has lost gerbils up his own butt, but fear not, Uncyclopedians-who-have-been-here-less-than-one-month! Long-time wunderkind and beloved administrator Frosty (sorry, are we laying it on too thickly?) has a plan to save us, and it involves... getting himself run over by a car. Ha ha! Actually, he posted a forum topic, accompanied by a vote, because that's what Uncyclopedians do in times of crisis, and it always works. Forum:Petitions to make all our users that quit comeback attempts to galvanize Uncyclopedia's remaining users to action by reminding them that we used to have members, Oh! so many members! Most of whom were better than us! Please sign a petition asking them back—sign, you ungrateful todgers, like your lives depend on it—and then email them all on the 14th! In theory, the people receiving said emails will return to Uncyclopedia with smiles on their faces and bliss in their hearts. In practice, however, the plan has been difficult to implement. And by "difficult", we mean "slightly impossible". A frustrated user has narrowed the plan's failure to three causes: Wikia sucks dicks Wikia is Satan Wikia sucks Satan's dick As it turns out, Wikia has limited the number of emails users can send to each other to ONE PER BLOODY DAY, rendering Frosty's scheme to bury our departed users under an avalanche of spam all for naught. As of Monday, November 19, exactly two departed users have been persuaded to return by the campaign, and nobody likes Kakun or Oliphaunte anyway, because they are useless puddles of suckage. It's just as well; most current Uncyclopedians are slightly too drunk to notice that putting a running chainsaw against one's neck is a bad idea, much less understand what the petition is all about. At any rate, if you haven't accidentally decapitated yourself with a chainsaw, do have a look at that forum, and if necessary, make yourself one or two (or forty) sockpuppets, just to spam those long-departed users of ours. The Cabal Wills It.* *(Note: There Is No Cabal) Frosty is dead. By Bizzeebeever Requiscat in pace, Frost-dude. No, you read that wrong, he is just dead inside. Earlier this month, Frosty nearly had the shit murdered out of him by a car. Luckily, as Frosty is a typical Australian teenager, he was protected from serious harm by his protein-based exoskeleton and his thick layer of poisonous, mucosal warts. The car is expected to recover in time for the rematch; in an interview with our correspondent, the car shouted numerous dark threats while leaping onto a turnbuckle and shredding its T-shirt. In the interim, Frosty has been resting comfortably with the aid of codeine, alcohol, and oral favors from the Asian transsexuals arrayed at his feet. "I find Uncyclopedia no longer holds the same draw for me as it did before," said Frosty, "especially since I've been getting oral favours from these Asian transsexuals arrayed at my feet." So weep, all ye who read this, for Frosty has joined the ranks of the undead, despised by God and abhorred by the God-fearing. On the upside: he can now appreciate those movies about sparkly vampires. On the downside: he wants our blood. RUN! Return of the Prodigal Son By Bizzeebeever Hearts and minds were filled with joy last month by the tentative return of beloved Uncyclopedian Bizzeebeever, who became scarce in July, leaving behind a terse apology for "having no money for Internetting". Current Uncyclopedia ghost Lyritha was heard to say "Buckets, remind me who that is, again..." before floating away down a corridor, moaning and rattling chains. Or rather, she would have, if ghosts were real, and if we'd asked her. Bizzeebeever's return is said to augur good tidings for the wiki, even though his current contributions consist of pointless pot-shots at Wikia, and short, pithy remarks left on talk pages, such as "fuck you, I hope you are dead", and "please disregard the previous comment, my penis was caught in a pencil sharpener". He also lurks for hours on IRC, talking and playing UnTrivia by himself. It will surprise no one at all that Bizzeebeever is now the person most accomplished at playing with himself; when we asked Zombiebaron about Bizzeebeever's remarkable dominance of a game that no one else plays, he was heard to remark "Zombiebaron", which our interpreters took to mean "Can someone please ban that guy? I am too lazy to do it myself." We at the Unsignpost do hope that Bizzeebeever holds on to his current position as Head of Quality Assurance at the dildo factory, for we have missed his hilarious forum posts almost as much as we missed his habit of talking himself up in the Unsignpost ...and his limpid blue eyes ...and his silky-soft golden locks ...and the charmingly-gnarled 40 kg tumor jutting from his neck—you know the one, it resembles the offspring of a blood tangerine and a baboon, and contains both hair and teeth...? (That might be his head; we're not sure.) Anyway, yes, we all love Bizzeebeever, and we hope he stays "returned", at least until the judge decides whether to hold him indefinitely, or just chemically castrate him, for the safety of the public. Return of the OTHER Prodigal Son By: Bizzeebeever This past week, another intermittent Uncyclopedia member (and full-time Mensch-in-Chief), TKF, returned to swear at SPIKE; delete articles which had even votes on VFD; ban people; feature an article with one "For" vote, one "Against" vote, and one comment on VFH; and be a generally hilarious excuse for an administrator. We all want to be you when we grow up, TKF!

Check out these pages! Some forum or other Almost forgot about this one... ZOMG NOOOOOO! Morons whining impotently As usual, VOTE YOU FAGS Srsly, somebody should do something about this shit Current op abuse: 04:58, November 6, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Romartus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Adding yourself to ban patrol (I seroiusly tried very hard not to do this, I SWEAR!)) 10:31, November 17, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Shame on you for hating on Australian films! [DO NOT UNBAN]) 03:00, November 18, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Aimsplode (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 years ‎ (Asked to be blocked for 5 seconds, alas I can't spell.) 19:24, November 19, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Nothing can get me ready for a day of school like blocking chief for no reason.) 11:30, December 8, 2024 Famine (Talk | contribs) blocked Everyone (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Wouldn't it be cool if this actually happened (lol)) Biopic of the Week This week's biopic concerns Hipster, who used to be Hypster, who used to be Another n00b, who was ...apparently a doody-headed dildo who pissed off other users by NOT INDENTING COMMENTS PROPERLY and BEING FOURTEEN YEARS OLD. (No, seriously.) A doody-headed dildo who was given his very own section in the Right Honourable Flammable's Bureau of Overreaction, Never-ending Embarrassment and Regret (BONER), shortly before accepting a free ban for life from Zombiebaron. However, the Autist Previously Known As Another_N00b made his return to the wiki via sockpuppet last year, and only just this week was found out...by audaciously admitting who he was, right there on his talk page, for God and all the bourgeoisie to see. Unfortunately for those whose ban-fingers were itching this week, the incorrigible little twit seems intent on becoming a useful member of society, seeking redemption by turning 17, making edits that aren't actually vandalism, and (only occasionally) calling other users "utter fuckwads". He even wished Uncyc admin Frosty a speedy recovery from his car accident with the tremendous words "Exactly how does any of this nonsense affect me and why should I care?" We at the Unsignpost salute Hipster on his freewheeling, brutally honest style, and wish him the best of luck in the forty minutes that will elapse before Frosty drops a uranium banhammer on him. We're rooting for ya, Hipster! Old-School FA A popular defensive measure during the Medieval period, the bouncy castle dissuaded attack by bouncing. Bouncy castles look exactly like static castles, except for the enormous springs concealed in the cellar. As an enemy, such as Goths, Vandals or rabbits approached, castle staff would release the springs causing the entire castle to shoot up into the air, thus saving it from plunder. The first recorded idea for the bouncy castle comes from the notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci. Forward thinking as ever, da Vinci rendered his castle complete with springs, airbags, electric windows, CD player and machine guns to deal with helicopter attacks. Like so many of da Vinci's ideas, however, it was hundreds of hours before anyone put it into practice. Word of the week, provided by: Bizzeebeever Castoreum: \cas*to"re*um\ n. 1. a peculiar bitter orange-brown substance, with strong, penetrating odor, found in two sacs between the anus and external genitals of the beaver. You're welcome. Note: No Uncyclopedia dog this week. As the Unsignpost could no longer afford the Uncyclopedia dog's increasingly ludicrous demands for royalties, he has been made redundant. His relatives have been notified.

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 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Nov 20 '12 9:00 (UTC)

The UnSignpost! Cancel Your Subscription Today!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Nov 27, 2012 • Issue 176 • I scream, you scream, we all scream...for painful orgasms

Good news, everybody! We're saved! By: Bizzeebeever No, Uncyclopedia has not gotten religion; it's still full of degenerates, wang vandals, and that scourge of gay men everywhere: uncensored images of boobies. However, it has seen a recent influx of old and new users, most of whom apparently never got the memo about how Uncyclopedia sucks, or how Uncyclopedia is dying, or how Uncyclopedia will be contagious for another six weeks before the amoxicillin starts working. Returning recently like a scorching case of gonorrhea were Meganew (!), Socky, NoNamesLeft (to the everlasting delight of Frosty), and Master of Menageries Comicat1, who took a six-month sabbatical to invent preposterous new animals on the Serengeti. New users include Sinner George, MagicBus, Leverage, Fakehater and Kamek98, who have all taken to editing like ducks take to water—of course proving that they are all sockpuppets of someone, for which they will all be perm-banned, just as soon as Frosty can figure out who. Lastly but not leastly, we celebrate the arrival of the ridiculously competent Murder Frog, who brings expertise on influential musicians of the last century, but, more importantly, has the most awesome name since the Universe itself birthed Captain Machinegun Thunderpants Fuckmaster on a pile of slaughtered tigers. The UnSignpost welcomes them, one and all, and hopes that their tranquilizers don't wear off while they still remember how to leave. Obituary for a friend By: Bizzeebeever Stay classy, Uncyclopedia! Thanksgiving came and went on Uncyclopedia this past week, and while the rest of the world was busy cracking jokes about how Americans really don't need to throw a holiday as an excuse for eating, a certain Uncyclopedia tradition was busy getting beaten, raped, and left for dead in the compost-bin of memory. Yes, we were referring to the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball; how did you know? For those of you who don't remember, or don't want to remember (we assume that's all of you), the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball was the once-mighty celebration of sex-, torture- and scat-based humor so debauched and vile that it would shame a London dockside whore, and not a fresh young one, either—one that had been "fucked around the fleet". Sadly, no one even remembered the damn thing until two days before Thanksgiving, and when Uncyclopedia's favorite whipping boy brought up the subject in a forum, he was met by a silence so vast that we assume he fell into it, because we haven't seen him since. Being Kip, though, he'll probably pop back up through a sewer grate somewhere. Swim hard, Kip. The ATDB left no survivors; its limp corpse will be thoroughly sexually abused, its intestines torn apart and worn around necks like Christmas garland, and its remains will be fed to a freshly no-legged midget with a massive dildo rammed up his butt. Damn you, Mhaille and Zombiebaron, you lazy useless fucks. Esoteric bullshit By Editor A certain faithful UnSignpost reader recently noted via electronic signal that the UnSignpost's last edition was both "spam" and "esoteric bullshit". We Here At the UnSignpost™ were, to be frank, shocked and dismayed by this statement, for it was never our intent to be anything but the most outrageously stupid, inane, crass, vulgar, rude, boorish, inbred, brain-dead, emotionally-stunted, anti-literate, fucked-up and all-around retarded puddle of gassy splooge east or west of the Mississippi—or any river, for that matter. In this endeavor, however, it seems we have failed. "Sit and spin, Hotadmin4u69." ~Jesus Yes, someone has beat us to it, and by a wide margin, for he is the undisputed champion of such sculduddery. So we offer up our most heartfelt apology to that reader, who shall remain nameless (it was Hotadmin4u69), and we humbly admit that we stand in awe of his ability to pick the gayest user name possible, not once, but twice. However, while we wish him the best of luck in disentangling his dental retainer from his own scrotum, we would like to remind him of the famous adage, Never quarrel with a man who buys ink by the barrel.

Frosty Sez: "Patrol RecentChanges, fags, 'cuz I'm not doing it anymore." Check out these pages! Yes, it is still going Whoever "snerk" is, he can't keep it in his pants. It is very very important that you know this Our suspicions are finally confirmed. WHY GOD WHY Current op abuse: 02:57, November 19, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.219.142.161 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 years ‎ (Still loving the penis after all these years, huh?) 09:13, November 22, 2012 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.207.212.111 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't recreate crap. Take a tissue.) 05:49, November 26, 2012 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.45.119.19 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Back so soon? And guess what...you're still acting like a twat. I am extending your break Short Trousers.) 20:41, November 27, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.9.19.97 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (POOP.) Biopic of the Week In this edition of the Weekly Biopic, (gasp gasp...running out of ways to rephrase that!) the UnSignpost is spotlighting one of our newer members, Snippy, who makes silk purses out of sow's ears, reverts morons and vandals like reverting is going out of style, and is liked by one and all. In fact, this past week, Frosty claims he was in Snippy's lovely hometown of Byron Bay, New South Wales, to deliver Snippy's prize for being named Uncyclopedian of the Month: a forceful, lingering kiss on the lips, followed by a random sex act. Congratulations, Snippy, and we hope it only hurt for the first 15 minutes! Now that all your hard work has received recognition by your peers, please get out there and shovel some more shit; you missed a big pile of it. Sorry, our only shovel is broken; you'll have to use your shoes. Pity, they looked like very nice suede. Oh, well. Next week, look for a profile of Leverage! Before he disappears from the site forever, of course. Word of the week, provided by: Bizzeebeever Penis-sheath: An insult comparing the insultee to an article of clothing worn around the Johnson. Neither the insult nor the article of clothing actually existed up until I just now invented them. You're welcome. This Week's Puddle of Random Crap™ On or around this date in 2007, Dr. Skullthumper made the following edit: Added "800px" to an image in Kitten Huffing A quick review of the Good Doctor's edit history shows that, in 2007, he had less of a life than I do now. Thank you for reading This Week's Puddle of Random Crap™! Note: No Uncyclopedia dog this week. UnSignpost management is currently in negotiations with a supplier of illegal fighting dogs to provide a temporary substitute for the late UnSignpost mascot. We will miss you, UnSignpost Dog.

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 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Nov 29 '12 5:26 (UTC)

Journalism so yellow it's orange: The UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

Dec 6th, 2012 • Issue 177 • OH GOD RUN! IT HAS GENITALS, AND IT IS IN SEARCH OF A MATE!

A headline goes here! No, really! By Some guy Because pictures of Santa are gauche, and no one else was going to use this perfectly-good image. Well, it's that time of the month when you realize you've wasted another 30 days in the company of Uncyclopedians, and your wife or girlfriend metamorphoses into a giant man-eating banana and rampages through Kuala Lumpur while screaming about "cramps". But cheer up, Mister Cratchit! Eet's Christmas toime! Yes, time to purchase meaningless junk for people you hate, give freely to homeless assholes who are too lazy to work for their own money, and get drunk with other people you hate, because the economy is in the shitter, and if you ain't buying, you're with the terrorists! And now that I've reminded you of your long-lost Christmas spirit, it's time to remind you of something we like to call "VFS"! Yes, VFS is upon us again, and with it come several calls to op some twit named "Bizzeebeever". We Here At The UnSignpost™ can't think of anything that would benefit the wiki less, unless it was feeding live badgers through a blender inside Wikia's datacenter, or perhaps marking the words "UNCYCLOPEDIA HATES JIMBO" onto a large paper bag, filling it with our own feces, lighting it afire, and dropping it through an open window at the headquarters of the Wikimedia Foundation. Or perhaps renting a hot-air balloon and filling its ballast tanks with liquid sewage and flying over the house of one James Q. Wales, Esq. Or perhaps sacrificing virgins on a beach under a full moon, nude, while blasting Slayer from massive speakers while a Coast Guard boat rakes the sand with machine-gun fire...um, where were we again? Ah, yes! The idiots over at VFS are on about something. You should go vote "no". A very special UnSignpost story By: Bizzeebeever Shown: a man without gin This week, MAJOR NEWS happened, and as usual, our correspondents were on it quicker than Kirstie Alley on a meat sandwich, or a meat pie, or anything made of meat, really. We are happy to report that longtime useless slacker and IRC lurker RAHB checked out a book from a local library! (Please suppress your exclamations of shock and dismay, folks; the neighbors are still complaining about the Coast Guard-assisted virgin sacrifice). When we inquired about RAHB's first foray into intellectual enrichment since his early childhood, he summarized it as follows: “ I checked out a book about Bob Newhart, and also Mark Twain's The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County, and Other Stories ” As you can see, RAHB is a consummate intellectual, and a man among beasts. Stay tuned for next week, folks, when Zombiebaron Hears a Who! Same Bat-Channel, same Bat-Time! A quick note from the editors The last two editions of the UnSignpost, which were the first editions published since the last editor came down with a case of exploding lung-weasels and threw himself off a cliff, contained 150% more fucking swear-words and 6000% more hyperventillating about things which are going to kill us all (such as Wikia, you knew it was going to be Wikia, because fuck Wikia). However, most of the 700 complaints we've received in the last two weeks (all of which were from Hotadmin4u69, and 699 of which included candid shots of his genitals) concerned the lack of the UnSignpost dog, who we cheerfully claimed had been murdered and turned into soup. (If you hadn't noticed, go back and check. We'll wait.) This, of course, was an outrageous and unforgivable ploy on our parts to get your attention, and we apologize for it profusely; we promise never again to threaten or even joke about violence against dogs, especially since the SPCA's hired thugs know where we live. So here you are, folks: this week's edition of this glorious rag will go back to the usual tradition of featuring a charming dog who is in no peril at all: Oops.

Check out these pages! A departed Uncyclopedian's reply to this forum An article about kittens A scholarly treatise on gay sex and the Internet A departed Uncyclopedian's opinion on gay sex and the Internet How Uncyclopedia admins sniff each other's butts: 14:15, December 1, 2012 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Man, I miss you something terrible, rather like a third arm that was finally amputated... <3) 16:32, December 2, 2012 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (acting like the archetype of a perfect admin, and on a completely unrelated note making certain other less active admins look bad) 16:35, December 2, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 74 years ‎ (Exists) 22:49, December 2, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I am blocking you because you spelt Lead wrong. Seriously what the hell?) 23:44, December 5, 2012 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 12 years ‎ (drinking out of cups/being a bitch) 23:46, December 5, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Does you dick hang low? Does it wobble too and fro?) Biopic of the Week Well, we promised it to you, and now here it is: a biopic of Leverage! Yes, new user Leverage is a right smart fellow, with joy in his heart and fudge in his nappy. Nothing much is known of Leverage except that he might be from Spain "som'eres", unless he's not. You're either an American, or a terrorist, and as Leverage is not American, he's doing his terrorist mother proud by hating Americans with a fervor usually reserved for the entitled children of American middle-class parents. He's even won awards for it! And lest you think last week's profilee, Snippy, is by far the best of Uncyclopedia's new crop of users, ...you'd probably be right, but Leverage gives him a run for his money by actually writing UnNews articles by literally the dozens. Seriously, you can check his user page; they're all there. (Like we're impressed.) We'd nominate him for a Foolizter Prize, but according to beloved Uncyclopedia admin Frosty, "nobody votes on that (homosexual) (feces) anymore," and, sadly, the stats bear him out. Thank you, Leverage, for you tireless perseverance in the face of apathy, and fuck you, Uncyclopedia! Stay tuned for next week's biopic on Sinner George, if he even still edits here! Random Made-Up Statistic of the Week: This issue of the UnSignpost contains 500% more curse words than ChiefjusticeDS's last issue! We will now bow our fucking heads for a motherfucking moment of goddamned silence. This Week's Old-School Actual Wikipedia Article Obviously Lifted Word-For-Word From Uncylopedia: Committee to End Pay Toilets in America "The Committee to End Pay Toilets in America, or CEPTIA, was a 1970s grass-roots political organization which was one of the main forces behind the elimination of pay toilets in many American cities and states. “ When a man's or woman's natural body functions are restricted because he or she doesn't have a piece of change, there is no true freedom. —Ira Gessel ” "Founded in 1970 by then-nineteen year old Ira Gessel, the Committee's purpose was to "eliminate pay toilets in the U.S. through legislation and public pressure." Starting a national crusade to cast away coin-operated commodes, Gessel told newsmen, "You can have a fifty-dollar bill, but if you don't have a dime, that metal box is between you and relief." Membership in the organization cost only $0.25, and members received the Committee's newsletter, the Free Toilet Paper...[more]

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 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Thu, Dec 6 '12 12:57 (UTC)

Sloppy, falling-apart, and duct-taped-together: the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

Dec 12th, 2012 • Issue 178 • Only wild horses can tear me apart.

Peas offering By Kip Ed. note: in a spasm of Darwinian fish-eat-fish madness, self-described "cock-juggling thunder-cunt" Thekillerfroggy has been riding a white horse with Death following after, especially targeting SPIKE, who, on his own time, has been gnawing the heads off of newbies and IPs alike. Here to comment on the lulz-filled proceedings is our own field-correspondent (yes we have a field correspondent, stop looking at us like that), Kip the Dip: I was asked to write a guest editorial, so let's get this over with. In the spirit of the Christmas and/or Holiday Season, I would like to offer an olive branch of peace. We could all use a little more peace around here. Well, not here, per se, because drama is always welcome amusement for me. More so than in places like the Middle East—the Middle East needs to calm the fuck down and Uncyclopedia needs to be more like the Middle East is what I'm trying to say. Still, drama isn't always amusing. For example, I won't be on the front page next month (I mean, if (point for humility) I win an award) because someone is having a pissy-fit over some bollocks and removed the awards from the front page. In this particular case, we need to pee on the fire, rather than fan the flames. The conflict I'm referring to is between two celebrated users, Thekillerfroggy and SPIKE. The root of this tension stems from the fact that TKF thinks SPIKE is the worst person ever and should leave this site, or at least stop sucking his own dick. Basically, SPIKE is to TKF what Toby is to Michael on The Office. Particularly if there were a British equivalent to Toby. God, that's a good show. Or was. It really blows now. Let me just say that you both have your faults. TKF: You need to stop being a dick, even when it is more hilarious than when it isn't. You appear to be in a drunken rage. I realize it's Hanukkah, but you should really tone it down on the whine. And SPIKE: Well, I just think you're a textbook case of someone who needs to masturbate more. I suggest you start December 25th, when you're having a less-than-sufficient amount of fun reading my holiday-themed articles. Despite these differences, you both have one thing in common: You're Uncyclopedians. And the essence of being an Uncyclopedian is appreciating the art of Comedy. When the world is at its darkest, we rely on the light of humor, parody and satire. Some have said that Uncyclopedia is at its darkest point right now, that our brightest days are far behind. Yet if the annual winter solstice teaches us anything, it's that the brightest days always follow the darkest nights. Or some sugary moral message like that. I mostly just wanted to drop a few horrible puns and get away with insulting you both all over the site. Merry Christmas! Today's date is significant! By Bizzeebeever Because Joey Numbers has his first feature, Wikia are censoring cocks, and it's 12/12/12. That's why, bitches. Shown: classical art, according to Wikia. Uncyclopedia and social nutworking! Do you have a lame sense of humor that is best expressed in 140 characters or less? Do you enjoy ruining the mojo of entire websites? Do you have a tiny penis, or none at all? Then have we got news for you! Those of you who wish to do a better job of misrepresenting Uncyclopedia on all the popular social platforms, including YouBoob, Twatter, Facebutt, StubbleUpon, Porntrest, Cumblr, Spreddit, and all the others, are hereby invited to hit up Hotadmin4u69's talk page, and to do it forthwith, post-haste. Why? Because Hotadmin4u69 runs Uncyclopedia's social networking presenceses...es, all by his lonesome—or at least he did...until now. But he's NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOAH! No, seriously, he's going to quit the wiki entirely (as if he hasn't already) if people don't lend him a hand. He loves you all, but you all suck, and it's a thankless task—almost as thankless as writing and delivering this drivel every week.

Check out these pages! Very, very sad, really. Kindly take that language elsewhere, sir. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. From our logs: The ban that started all the fun 03:37, December 10, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked SPIKE (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (I just swallowed a little bit of my own vomit reading you put down a noob then proceed to suck your own dick for five whole lines of what I presume to be English words) Mad-libs ban: 16:08, December 11, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.207.212.111 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Hi, I'm Fuck You. I like gay bum sex with You're Banned. And sometimes I like to suck Don't Come Back's fat cock.) Get a room, girls! 01:41, December 10, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 226 hours 37 minutes 45 seconds ‎ (Idling on IRC for this long like a true gay faggot <3) 23:01, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) (Frosty has both female and male genitals. The more you know.) 23:23, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Hold on I've gotta figure out how to deop you before you can unban yourself) 23:24, December 10, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (pwnt.) 23:27, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) (lol obvi i was joking although i agree it will be funnier next time when i deop you before the ban) Biopic of the Week Last week we promised you hookers, rum and flavored spermicide, so here you are. Ha ha ha, just kidding! No, this week's biopic is about Sinner George, whose exceedingly clever user handle is a reference to Saint George, patron saint to all Greeks everywhere, which tells us that he is Greek. As does his user page, and the little flag next to his signature. Unfortunately, we know absolutely nothing else about Sinner George; however, as this has never stopped us from writing a biopic before, we asked our Field Correspondent Kip the Dip to discover some fascinating things about this fascinating newbie. Here's a transcript of our conversation: <Editor> Kip: know anything about sinner george? <Kip> No. <Editor> Make one or two things up. I have a biopic to write! <Kip> He likes Greek food because he's Greek. <Editor> Excellent. <Kip> Also, he's probably hairy. <Editor> Yes, yes, also excellent. So there you have it! Sinner George is (a) new to the 'pedia, (b) Greek, and (c) therefore probably not someone who reads the UnSignpost. Your loss, George! UnSignpost Word of the Week Censorship: see Wikia. (This Section Intentionally Left Blank)

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-- Kippy the Elf Talk Works ☃ 14:10, Dec. 12, 2012

Watch your step! It's a steaming-hot pile of UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

Dec 19th, 2012 • Issue 179 • YOUR JOKE HERE! Contact management for details.

Apocalypse postponed until after NFL playoffs By Editor This week, it was publicly confirmed for the first time that the on-again-off-again Apocalypse has been postponed indefinitely, due to an accumulation of frozen water in and about the subterranean headquarters of Heck, Incorporated. Yes, it appears that Uncyclopedia's dwindling community of degenerates and failed comedy writers (which is literally the same thing, but never mind), having suffered far too long under the Wikian lash of nipple-and-dick censorship, have finally gotten their shit together, and are making a move to new hosting. News of the move came in Uncyclopedia's Village Dump, as part of a nonchalant post by Lyrithya, who returned to the site from her current job as a human spiderweb to stun, confound, and enrage exactly two people with her announcement. When asked why she chose now to de-bag her cat, instead of waiting for a more opportune moment (such as, y'know, after the fucking move actually happened), Lyrithya had this to say: "I was drunk." Salient words, indeed, which show she is an Uncyclopedian through-and-through, and which afford the rest of us an overwhelming sense of confidence in the Uncyclodepia Moving Company. Yes. High-jinks on the farm. However, while We Here At The UnSignpost™ lounge about and poke fun, you may rest assured that the technicians at Up With Uncyclodepia have not been taking it easy. It's been eleven months of back-breaking work out on the wiki farm, getting up at the crack of noon to shovel out the cow coop, milk the chickens, and slap the sheep for indulging in indelicate thoughts. According to an anonymous source at the highest level of Uncyclopedia's labyrinthine network of cabals, the move quite definitely, absolutely, without a doubt, will be happening at some distant point in the very near future, probably maybe, just as soon as all the ducks are lined up in convenient rows so that they can be loaded onto trains and sent to special camps. When we asked what the bloody devil this meant, we were told to shut up and move along, and that there is no cabal, which we admit must be true, as we have heard it so many times. So, to recap: Uncyclopedia is leaving Wikia for greener pastures, and as most things undertaken by Uncyclopedians happen, it will be slap-dash, semi-competent, and will probably result in everyone involved hating each other to the death, hopefully with the assistance of swords, horses, and heavy artillery. Reaction to the news! By: Editor As of press time, the list of Uncyclopedians furious at having been left out of all the fun could not be reached for comment, but are assumed to be boiling with righteous indignation. To make sense of the week's stunning development, we were able to get hold of an expert on all things frozen and hellish: Sumerian demon-king and devil-about-town, Pazuzu. "I was just doing what I usually do," said he, "by which I mean I was hanging out in some northeastern American town, whispering into the ear of a nondescript loner that guns are fun and kids love fun, and hey wouldn't it be cool if you combined the two?, when I heard that Uncyclopedia was leaving Wikia! I said shit, motherfucker! and ran over there as quick as I could to shut that shit down, but it was too late. And now my home Down Under is encased in ice. Man, some days you're the dog, and some days you're the fire hydrant, know what I mean?" We really didn't, but as we have always enjoyed not being frogs, and would prefer to maintain that state, we nodded furiously and thanked our interviewee for his time. Newbies! Protect them, love them, they are our future! Heil Newbies! By: Romartus How often has someone started a forum 'We're Doomed' or 'Where Domed' , and other variations of the announcement 'this website has moved away from my idea of what is funny' ? So what we can do here, but celebrate a clutch of new fully fledged contributors who arrived on our shores, all fresh and well-scrubbed! In recent months, we had Leverage produce articles faster than bindweed, and now he has joined by the likes of MagicBus (an admirer of The Who or a kaftan nostalgic?), news hound Bill Melater, and the ferocious Fakehater, who will rip your arms off if he detects you're a phony. Then there is Murder_Frog, who swears blind he is unrelated to another amphibian. (Evidently the lily pond is big enough for two croakers.) Another newbie who is currently taking a keen interest in Singapore is CDPCCNAC. What the name means, I have no idea, but perhaps he is wise to leave so few clues about his true identity. Then there is our own Mr Tambourine Man, Equilateralperil. Moving closer to the ground, looking for literary earthworms in his search for Sonic the Hedgehog-related stories, is Igotnothing, whilst from the Land of Connery is Dannyboy1209. A noob with ambition, Danny has already asked to become an admin and has nominated himself for everything. With an attitude like that, this one is going places—here, there or everywhere. Who will become the Noobs of Noobs and win something to stick on their bedroom door? The jury is out, and so am I, tonight. Go ahead, check these fledglings out here.

Check out these pages! No, no we are not. That is a vacuum cleaner, Aleister. No thanks. Shabidoo's 500th new forum! You win a prize, Shabidoo. Here's a mop. From our logs: This week, due to intense laziness on the part of our administrators, no one received a funny ban-summary. We have our best men on the case, and are ferreting out the source of this oversight. In the meantime, you should be ashamed of yourself, Frosty. Biopic of the Week For what we're quite certain is the first time in the long, inglorious history of the UnSignpost Biopic, our correspondents have actually interviewed an Uncyclopedian about themselves. It was a difficult job that was as hard on us as it was on Bill Melater, but the scratches and bite-marks are probably just superficial, and we were going to get a new pair of pinking shears anyway. To the facts: Bill enjoys making up fake names that are ribald puns, and he claims to be a Cuban-American cat owner living with his beautiful Russian bride, Ripya Kokov, in the wonderful country of Finland, which he terms "the home of comedic flop-sweat". The UnSignpost has never been to a comedy club in Finland, but rest assured that if we visit one in the future, we will bring towels and an industrial-sized drum of Clorox. Bill also claims he's 47 years old, which we believe makes him the third-oldest active Uncyclopedian, behind SPIKE, who was born during Woodrow Wilson's second term, and Romartus, who we understand still owes Hadrian five denarii for a mule that he borrowed and never returned Anyway, We Here At The UnSignpost™ feel that Bill is selling himself short. Bald, fat, married, and living in one of the coldest, darkest countries on Earth?! Ladies of Finland, I sense an opportunity! If you're looking for hot, sweaty lust with a middle-aged Yankee Lothario who isn't getting any, and is therefore filled to the brim with sexual angst... don't look at Bill Melater, because his wife just found his talk page, where he described himself as "pussy-whipped." Ouch. You thought Finland was cold in the winter? You ain't met Ripya Kokov. Word of the week, provided by: Bill Melater Pussy-whipped 1. a phrase used to describe the state of a person who has been beaten with a cat. Believed to have originated during reign of Ramses II. 2. something you say when you hope your wife isn't listening. Newsroom UnTune of the week UnNews:Hark! The Herald Angus Sings It's an UnTune AND an UnNews, because that's how Kip the Dip rolls, bitches! (You're welcome, Kip.)

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 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Wed, Dec 19 '12 17:31 (UTC)

Drop your pants and grab the eggnog! It's the UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

January 2nd, 2013 • Issue 180 • We always do it Manually!

Vote! Or else! By Chief This image has not been altered in any way Is it that time of year again? It's the time when everyone celebrates the people who are the most remarkable amongst us at everything except what matters. It's time for Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year. These compliment our small selection of awards: WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Not forgetting of course to all the userspace awards. Writer of the Year got off to a splendid start when Aleister in Chains nominated Funnybony and SPIKE for the award by writing brief but poignant marriage proposals to both of them. Thank goodness for Aleister, if not for him the wider world might have assumed we weren't all massive girls. Since then Thekillerfroggy nominated Xamralco, who was not able to express his appreciation due to a serious case of not editing the wiki any longer. As always what should be a rigorous heterosexual competition involving manly pursuits like backstabbing, lies, blackmail and threats is being irretrievably compromised by people like Aleister and Shabidoo; people whose sole purpose on the awards pages is to make everybody else feel bad about not noticing other people. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Romartus, Uncyclopedia's voting-in-chief. Shockingly, he was also nominated by Aleister who, as it turns out, is gayer than Christmas, apparently Romartus makes him "Proud to be an uncyclopedian", he makes "Legendary votes on VFH" and gives "Legendary hand relief". Potatochopper of the Year is a more subdued and manly affair, where absolutely nobody has been nominated at all... it's like reviewer of the month were moved to a different page name. Hopefully Aleister or Shabidoo will nominate someone soon, we here at the UnSignpost have gone to the trouble of writing the nomination for them: "<insert name here> has made many fantastic images, at least two of which I have made love to on at least nineteen occasions. My genitals ache for them every single evening and someday they will make my dreams come true and love me! Also Olipro sucks balls." Olipro was the only nominee for Useless Gobshite of the Year (insert your own joke here), but Zombiebaron quickly joined him in ignominy. Please go vote for both of them so they may end up tied, and share the prize (a year's supply of toilet paper) on their revolving bed built entirely from used condoms and KY bottles. From the desk of the Cabal: 2013 is the year of subservience By Nobody Once again you all stand before us, another year of failure behind you and another year of subjugation ahead of you. The non-existent Cabal would like to wish you all a happy New Year. All workers users are reminded that failure to celebrate the new year with adequate happiness and joy is punishable by enforced time labouring in the non-existent Lime Quarries followed by the immediate cessation of chocolate rations for the remainder of this work quarter. Once again you have failed us, utterly and completely. Last year we advised you all that resistance was utterly unnecessary and, if anything, we have had to tolerate 0.22% more resistance, we have heard you discuss and then decide to leave our kind benefactors, whilst promoting several of your own number to within the cabal in an effort to encourage dissent and democracy within our ranks. We saw you continue to tinker with that which does not concern you whilst simultaneously complaining when people are warned about the indecent images you propagate amongst your number. It seems prudent to remind you that if we delete every single template, every single image and every single forum your freedom will only increase. It is not what some of you have foolishly referred to as "overly deletionist", it is streamlining and it is good for all of you. It is with vague optimism that we note that you continue to strive at a barely satisfactory level, you have certainly earned a small fraction of the baubles and trinkets that have been handed out over the past year. It has not escaped our notice that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2012 only closed on time this year due to Thekillerfroggy skipping sixty of the reflections, we are gratified to note that Roman Dog Bird had practically no input on the list and very few of them regard uncontrolled outbreaks of creativity and morale, such dangerous forces must be carefully rationed and controlled. Cutting of corners and a blatant disregard for regulations do not amuse the Cabal. Now we must inexorably turn our attentions to 2013 and the promise it brings. All users should note that due to several security compromises over the last few months movement throughout the Uncyclopedia complex has been restricted during the hours of darkness. Where major editing is to take place you must ensure that you have faxed the appropriate forms to your divisional liaison officer prior to commencing work, failure to do so will result in an unacceptable breakdown in bureaucracy. Uncyclopedia must prevail, editors must remember that without patient mind numbing work and servitude we can never accomplish our ultimate goal of... well, that need not concern you. That is all citizens, you may now return to your allocated taskings.

Check out these pages! BURN THE WIKI BURN IT TO THE GROUND A long, long, very long forum where nothing was accomplished and everybody eventually just started typing random bullshit. A bad, bad, very bad idea, which the UnSignpost endorses with full vigor. An even worse idea. A page where Kip the Dip takes credit for something bad, very bad. A discussion far more important than any of the preceding links. Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home: 03:48, May 2, 2012 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 minutes ‎ (Hahaha you're not an admin so I can do this and get away with it! Hahaha! (hahahhaha)) 22:44, May 18, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Not cool to use other people's sigs man......*shity eyes*.....) 23:07, July 17, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Snoopin' around in areas he shouldn't be concerned with) 19:32, October 4, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 44 seconds ‎ (I must block you at least once in order to be more awesome than you.) 03:31, November 17, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Shame on you for hating on Australian films! [DO NOT UNBAN]) 02:11, December 13, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 minutes ‎ (User request) 16:11, December 19, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (Necessary research into the reasons for no funny bans having happened last week. Do not be alarmed, we are trained professionals, and also very aroused.) 01:29, December 26, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 33 seconds ‎ (Telling me how to be an administrator) Biopic of the Week When we carried our knuckle-dusters and brick-filled socks to the talk page of new user Equilateralperil this past week to interview him, we were amused and perplexed to see him employ the classic defensive stance of a painfully shy, abused opossum. Rolling into the fetal position on the ground with his buttocks in the air, he began to reveal embarrassing personal details in a shrill voice, shouting "Have a field day, you scamps! Yes, mock me harder!", apparently hoping that we would walk away in disgust. However, to assume that reverse psychology would work on Uncyclopedians is to give them credit for having something that they don't, namely, a psychology. Some of the details which he will now regret ever having shared: Equilateral (that's what we call him for short, when we don't call him Bitch) is a 17-year-old schoolboy living in Victoria in Australia, is at the "top of his class" in multiple subjects, and is on his school's debate team. As he is on his school's rock band, jazz band, and "show" band, we are forced to assume that his school, like the one from Glee, is filled to the brim with people wearing matching plaid shirts, bow ties, white vests, and straw skimmers, who are all horrifyingly perky and prone to breaking into song (or dance) for no apparent reason—especially when the occasion does not require it. He claims to have had one girlfriend, who was Japanese and broke his heart. He refused to supply nude pictures of her, so we are forced to conclude that she is imaginary. For Christmas, he claims he received a "charcoal Italian moleskin jacket", which he is apparently wearing at this moment, over his Casper-the-Ghost™ footie pajamas. So there you have it! From our experience, Equilateralperil is most likely his school's Designated Punching Nerd, and spends most of his spare time pulling his poodle-haired head from toilets, when he isn't writing excellent articles for Uncyclopedia. While he's on holiday in Perth or Canberra or someplace, do give them a read. Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Uncyclopedian's Song This space left intentionally penis.

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 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Wed, Jan 2 '13 13:22 (UTC)

UnSignpost sez, "Give Pease a Chance!"

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

Jan 11th, 2012 • Issue 181 • Solid information. At its worst.

Three cheers! SPIKE is going to lose his bet! By Sir Peasewhizz de New York If you haven't heard, we recently moved and split from those meanies at Wikia. If you haven't heard, you're 1) either oblivious or 2) new to this site. Because... you are on the site now. But don't get me wrong, we are sooooo better than the fools who stayed. AY! Speaking of fools at the old, less stylish Uncyclopedia site, (maybe I'll regret saying this in the future) SPIKE made a bet with a few other users that the new site would be out and down by the end of the week. Being Saturday the 12th. We will all stay up Friday night and count down until that naughty dog is proven wrong. However if we do fail, which we won't, SPIKE will become known as a psychic throughout the globe. We aren't going to let this happen, are we? If you haven't gotten the hint... the answer is a big N and a big O! NO! Plus, SPIKE, according to TKF has a very bad betting history. Send him to Vegas, lord, please! Make him bankrupt or something, please? Also, some examples of the users that decided to migrate to this site (all the cool users do this) are for one, myself, Zombiebaron, RAHB, Simmy, Lyrithya, Aleister who received a name change, and TKF, who received a name change. Not to forget that one guy, Sir Frosty, who has been recently reverted all of our pornos, for our self enjoyment. The majority of his reverts of the Wikia censorship thingy-ma-bobber pics involved boobies. Nice work, Frosty. Round of applause everybody! On the other hand, all the cool cats are doing it, so go add yourself to this list and tell us about how you stumbled upon calling yourself what you are known as here. Better be good, or we're coming to get ya! We're gonna suck out your insides using your intestines as a bendy straw, YUM! An example includes Zombiebaron, who got his name from stealing it from a video game. Another example is Strange but untrue, who took the name from her first (probably porn) website. Some lame examples include David Gerard's and Splaka's, who became known as that because of a typo. I myself, am a typo of my parents, who misspelled condom worked and here I am. Splaka failed to tell us more about the typo and what word was suppose to be the username. Shame, shame, shame! And one last thing, Ly is demanded the reporting of any and all (EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF 'EM, OR ELSE) bugs/crashes/malfunctions/apocalypses the site gives you. They should be reported here, or else we'll kill help you. That is it for now, I am Sir Peasewhizz, you are some random reader in which I may not know, this article is over, except for this line: I need some soup. Be ashamed By Sir Peasewhizz de New York Just because of that little incident, you had to make more little incidents, Kip? Shame! Look what you've done, oh dear heavens!

Check out these pages! Report any bugs here or die. We're not horsing around. Where are all by rights be meant to be taken in NO WAY ANYTHING OTHER THAN SERIOUS. THIS IS UNCYCLOPEDIA! And.We.Are.Honest! Indeed it does. But what else is supposed to suck? Why is your mind in the gutter? You sicken me. We want boobies! Get it? You see a censored pick of 'em, reversion! Give us boobies, or give us death! Link your page. Art is nice. What about us? Is something wrong? From our logs: 16:58, January 7, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Wutjtod En.Uncy.Co Deluxe Limited Edition (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (Not being Zombiebaron: <youtube>n9sEBBCIZ54</youtube>) 02:30, January 6, 2013 MoneySign (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk) with an expiry time of 2.71828182 hours (... like flowers!!) 02:27, January 6, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked MoneySign (Talk) with an expiry time of 3.141592653589 hours (You smell.) 02:26, January 6, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (Talk) (UR GAY) 02:25, January 6, 2013 MoneySign (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk) with an expiry time of 3.1415926 hours (Active admin does administrator activity.) 22:53, January 5, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Socksilikesocks (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (Fuck off) 18:12, January 5, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked MoneySign (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (Not supporting my vote, also hasn't been banned in 2 and a half years, you call yourself an admin???) Biopic of the Week Sorry, due to recent tasks that are far more important, there is no Biopic of the Week. If you need medical help, wait... what? Newsroom UnTune of the week Sorry, due to recent tasks that are far more important, there is no Newsroom UnTune of the Week. Please go listen to your favorite band. It is highly recommended by 8 out of 4 doctors. Which means 2 doctors recommend it.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Jan 11 '13 5:30 (UTC)

Unsignpost - 20130119042144 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

Jan 19th, 2012 • Issue 182 • Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:23, 19 January 2013

Unsignpost - 20130124050125 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

January 24th, 2013 • Issue 183 • Better sign it.

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:02, 24 January 2013

Unsignpost - 20130131002159 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

January 31st, 2013 • Issue 184 • We're delivering it to your door anyways!

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:24, 31 January 2013

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The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

February 6th, 2013 • Issue 185 • There is news in this thing.

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:34, 7 February 2013