Forum:Attn: UnNews editor whoever you are now

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Sirs:

If an old fat bald man walked into the UnNewsroom brandishing tattered copies of ancient shitty horoscopes, saying "Hey you young whipper-snappers, are there any openings here for an UnAstrologer? I used to work here and people hated my shitty horoscpes. See?" and you sort of looked at him quizzically and then he said "Who do I talk to about the possibility of getting a link to some new shitty horoscopes included on this rag's front-page?" and then you say "Front page? You're some narcissist aren't you?" and then he says "Piss off and tell me who I talk to you filthy punk! I got a shitload of new horoscope jokes - twenty or so actually, but I could be persuaded to try to keep it up for as long as my erection over it holds up as long as there is a front-page link like there used to be in the good old days when I occasionally laughed at this godawful mess of so-called 'satire'" and you say "eww gross - you have both a sexual hang-up and a problem with run-on sentences, don't you?" but you cared to answer my question anyway, who would you tell me to see?

- An old UnEmployee, hat in his hand  GlobalTourniquet: UnAstrologer, UnJournalist, shameless narcissistic America-hating liberal atheist award-winning featured writer 01:56, August 7, 2012 (UTC),

There isn't currently any Unnews head honcho now, to my limited knowledge. Then again, I haven't really been involved in UnNews much lately, either. Welcome back! -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 03:56, August 7, 2012 (UTC)

Talk to Mattsnow, he is the current CEO of UnNews. -- The Zombiebaron 04:16, August 7, 2012 (UTC)

Oh, when Simsilikesims says I didn't do anything for 6 months. The pain. THE PAIN!! You're responsible for my death by "flooring the gas pedal until something happens." Mattsnow 03:08, August 8, 2012 (UTC)

My profuse apologies, Mattsnow. Hopefully when you floor the gas pedal it will be on a freeway on-ramp, and by "something happening" you mean that you merge with freeway traffic (but not literally). I just patrol recent changes, and make occasional useless forum posts, not much more. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 03:31, August 8, 2012 (UTC)

No use apologizing, I'm already dead. Just kidding Simsilikesims. My brake pedal got stuck. :) Mattsnow 03:38, August 8, 2012 (UTC)

My inside joke radar is beeping out of control. Coming back to a community has its pitfalls. -- GlobalTourniquet: UnAstrologer, UnJournalist, shameless narcissistic America-hating liberal atheist award-winning featured writer 03:42, August 8, 2012 (UTC)

Don't worry Global, I have no idea what they're talking about either. -- The Zombiebaron 04:18, August 8, 2012 (UTC)

Welcome back! Do whatever you want as long as it involves writing hilarious shit. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 20:53, August 8, 2012 (UTC)

I second that ^ -RAHB 02:40, August 10, 2012 (UTC)

I second RAHB's secondment. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 02:37, 11 August 2012