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the near-complete compilation
of literary abomination
…proudly, since 1586
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Bust of Idiocrates
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Poetry is an art form in which language is used for its obfuscatory qualities in addition to, or instead of, meaningful and useful content. Poetry has a long history, and early attempts to define poetry, such as Aristotle's Poetics, focused on the various uses of speech in rhetoric, drama, song and charming the togas off of potential bed buddies. Contemporary poets, such as Dylan Thomas, often identify poetry not as a literary genre within a set of genres, but as noble way of remaining unemployed and virtually useless to society. Poetry often uses condensed forms and conventions to reinforce or expand the meaning of the underlying words or to invoke irrational or sensual experiences in the reader, as well as using devices such as assonance, alliteration and the rhythm method to achieve musical or incendiary effects.
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Recent Poem:

Triste et malum est

Bent double, under luggage and bags,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through queues,
Till on the airport lights we turned our backs,
And towards our distant taxi, well overdue.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their phones,
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the tones
Of a cough coming loudly behind...

(full article→)
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More recent poems:
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Quote of the day:
“im watching your menstrual poor out of your ventricle, angry reprehensible when your tents full of tentacle tense tennis of testicles, They call me a sex Lion, No Lyin just a Lyon, Call me the chief of pussy prying, Ball me a thief of cushy denying, Stall me intrigued no underlying, Fall me fatigued its horrifying. ”
– Rapper on female bodily fluids
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Selected biography:
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Rudyard "Bombay Baby" Kipling wrote a number of bestselling books, prizewinning poems, and front-page Uncyclopedia articles during his long professional life. Born in India in 1865, he detonated on Guy Fawkes Day, 1936, in a dustbin outside Salisbury Cathedral in Truro, Cornwall.

In 1888 Kipling published Plain Tales from the Hills, a collection of vignettes and comic sketches he had performed at various venues all across India. His style captivated the common reader and the gentry too. The reviews were smashing. Queen Victoria said, "We own three copies of Mr. Kipling's work: one for putting Gladstone to sleep, one to read in the loo, and one to throw at the cat."

Mark Twain wrote, "Out in California everyone knows Kipling. We boil up a few of his stories for every meal and serve 'em with gravy."

(full article→)
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Image of the day:
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A modern day poet.
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Selected article:
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Purple Prose is an overly descriptive form of writing commonly used by amateur authors, fan-fiction writers, owners of thesauruses, and H.P Lovecraft. Unlike other elaborate prose, Purple prose is so extravagantly exuberant that it utterly destroys any trace of coherence and floods the writing with enough pretentiousness to simultaneously cream the pants of a hundred aristocrats. The "writing" technique is mostly used to pad out the length of literary works, and/or to mislead readers into believing the work has any sort of quality; the few people who do use Purple Prose as a genuine means of writing are, to quote the minds of most readers of Purple Prose, "babbling nincompoops". Many experts, such as the esteemed professor of English Robert A. Ferret, believe that Purple Prose is the literary form of Gobbledygook, but this comparison is unwarranted: while Gobbledygook simply muddles the English language, confusing most readers, Purple Prose assaults the English language, forcibly removing all that is good in it, until it's changed to a strange, hideous form that allows "life fluid" and "blood" to be synonyms.

(full article→)
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Did you know?
  • Only 76.2% of all poets, living or dead, are gay. 16.7% are bisexual, 5.4% are in denial about it, and 1.7% are asexual. The remainder are, in fact, straight.
  • Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's poem She Came & Went is about a dead baby. His daughter, but a dead baby none-the-less.
  • At the age of 12, Charles Dickens used to work in a boot-blacking factory. Charles Dickens is the one who looks like Tim Burton.
  • A "huckleberry finn" is a type of berry bush native only to Missouri.
  • Geoffrey Chaucer was born on Retrocession Day (Taiwan).
  • Don't Say Goodbye by Edmund Spenser is the longest haiku ever written, at a whopping total of four lines.
  • that using Rhymezone .com is a brilliant way to murder all the best rappers alive lyrically.
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Poem of the day:
My First Address To The Common Man

Good afternoon, take heed of my words
I trust you are all in good mirth this fine day
Don't worry; I wasn't threatened by yon cat-calling at birds
     (Pause for Laughter)
A man of my goodwill can quite comprehend yon savagery.
Upon my first address to the common man I'm in good spirits
I've made extensive studies of yon culture so's I don't feel out-of-place
And shall judge yon most respectable class on only its merits.
For yon information I've dealt with a fair few commoners before
I've lived on Primrose Hill—they say that used to be –ahem– underprivileged
From those experiences I can trust you don't hold me in detestation
I've been here half an hour now and see nothing has been pillaged
But there is one last note that I feel I must address:
Please don't shank me.

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Things you can do:      Well, writing a poem would surely help…
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