User talk:IFYMB!

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Welcome!

Hello, IFYMB!, and thanks for joining Uncyclopedia! Before editing further, please take a gander at our Beginner's Guide. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, check out the following pages:

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Your Unnews pages

Nice work, you have the ability to write and think at the same time, a rarity around here. I added to your elephant page as well as changed the names (we have a policy of not using friends names, and I didn't know if that was the case or not, so erred on the side of caution). Please keep on keeping on. You also have a User page if you want to put stuff on there (it's at the red link on top of this page, or just click on your own name). Grab some cookies and prosper! Aleister 12:17 21decemb12

UnNews

Do your sources properly please, it can add to the humour. When I read something and I don't know the original story, my eyes always dart down to the title.

*{{source|url=WEBSITEGOHERE
|title= HEADLINEGOHERE
|author= LEAVEBLANKORPUTWHATYOUWANT 
|pub= BBCGUARDIANETC
|date=NAMEOFMONTH DAY, YEAR}}

--Leverage (talk) 09:42, December 22, 2012 (UTC)

hmc 2013

Try and email a proposed topic to happymonkeycompetition@gmail.com by 15.00 UTC. (9 am EST) if at all possible. --ShabiDOO 11:48, 20 March 2013 (UTC)

Happy Monkey Topic

Your topic for the contest is Crimean War . You have 36 hours to write the article (until Friday 03.00 UTC/Thursday 9pm EST). If you want to make it unbook, unreview etc. you can very slightly alter the title. Remember the judging is on creativity and originality more than anything else. Have fun. In the mean time Happy Monkey is leaving various surprises all over your house. --ShabiDOO 14:52, 20 March 2013 (UTC)

Last minute winner

Congratulations Dude. Your article placed third in the 2013 Happy Monkey Competition. Your article was totally utterly off the wall and by far the most original of them all. It's great that you managed to sneak the article in past all those who got it in on time...and I'm sure they aren't dripping with angry bitter jelousy at all...they wouldn't be uncyclopedians if they did. Your excuse of being sick was accepted with no scepticism at all and the judges agreed that your curse filled article that just barely skimmed the actual topic assigned to you was helarious, unique and exploding with electric ideas. Thanks for participating my dearest love. --ShabiDOO 03:28, 26 March 2013 (UTC)

Nice work, congratulatons. I hope to see your page featured, as the tradition of Happy Monkey demands lots of features from its entrants. We are the few, the proud, the monkeys. Aleister 23:02 26-3-'13

I also hope to see your page featured and I believe congratulatons are in order for you, second conquest to the moon looked to be quite a hard article to write, but you managed to pull it off and get second place. Nice work.--IFYMB! (talk) 23:53, 26 March 2013 (UTC)

Thank you. Please don't read it yet, as the version here is the contest version and I've added to it and polished it on the other side of the island, When I can get two pictures transferred over (I have tech issues with loading some pics) I'll move that version to its rightful home (and will post it there too). I wonder how many total features the Happy Monkey contest has generated during its four years? Will have to add that up sometime. Al 1:55 27-3-'13

I've only been an uncyclopedian for four months, so I could not answer that. It was a rhetorical question, wasn't it?--IFYMB! (talk) 22:37, 27 March 2013 (UTC)

Award from UN:REQ

This user created UnNews:British prisoners enjoying 'cushy' life, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

This user created Unquotable:Nostradamus, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar

Aleister was also working on this for TAW 2011 so I'm sure he'd give you some feedback as well. Good luck with the Pee Review. MadMax (talk) 02:08, 26 April 2013 (UTC)

Aleister gave a bit of feedback but RedHot reviewed it in the end, and gave it a good score, better then I thought it would get. Good luck with the peeing. IFYMB! 17:48, 29 April 2013 (UTC)

Coal abortion

You must be one of the few active users I've never asked to collaborate on ideas and serials as described in here. Seen simply, the place is an idea collection, but rather than using it as a passive dump (like Requested articles), I'm trying to use it as an active think tank. Welcome if you have anything at all you want others to expand on. Admittedly the way I've tried to build it works best on imaginary ideas (because real world issues already have all the background) - so if you dislike working with imaginary stuff with only pieces of real world included, you'll not need SoS for anything. In any case - I like to collaborate otherwise too, so contact me if you do. -- Style  Guide 14:13, 30 April 2013 (UTC)

It looks pretty good, I'd be happy to contribute if any ideas come floating along. IFYMB! 15:41, 30 April 2013 (UTC)

Even if no new ideas come - have a closer look on the Dylan/whales/Naked Pope thing. Surprising how things can be interconnected. I don't mean that one should be continued but in general those things just seemed to come out of thin air once we got started. Of course it's useless to ponder things like "quality", and the way I see it, this kind of systematic writing defies "quality" considerations - because if one of us writes a sucky article, another can just dispute it with another one, and nothing sucks as a result. This kind of propaganda/counter propaganda has not yet emerged because we have managed without it. The scientists versus Pope was a step into that direction, there was a bit of campaigning, but not a lot.

Also, the "Nothing" series: if you want to write an interview around the quote I wrote in the first article there, that would be great. Works as an UnNews. Then later an article could be written on Nothing (there probably is one but this is different nothing), based on the interview and any facts that emerge. Then there could be a coalition trying to have the reader believe that Something (even Everything?) is far superior to Nothing, and that whoever started this nonsense over Nothing is clearly in the wrong. Stuff like that. Then it can fork into several directions until we get tired of it. -- Style  Guide 18:23, 30 April 2013 (UTC)

I've decided to give HowTo:Break your vacuum cleaner a shot, wondered if it could include Bob Dylan, whales and Naked Pope? IFYMB! 19:56, 30 April 2013 (UTC)

Sure it could, why not? Those are old for now but if you make it funny - what harm? Also they're just old for us who wrote them. I'm sure outside readers won't think of it that way. -- Style  Guide 05:27, 1 May 2013 (UTC)

Finished HowTo:Break your vacuum cleaner. IFYMB! 15:52, 2 May 2013 (UTC)

OK, I read it. Some grammar errors you might want to fix in there. Also, how about changing the shoving-it-into-the-ass bit into something slightly more realistic? Your article but in my opinion it would probably be funnier. -- Style  Guide 17:29, 2 May 2013 (UTC)

Hai N00blet!

I was just wondering what the hell your name stands for. As your adopter I should probably know these things. Just in case. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 18:35, 4 May 2013

Hehe, I wanted to do a little game where users have to guess what it stands for, but to be honest, I'd nearly forgotton till you just reminded me. IFYMB! 22:34, 4 May 2013 (UTC)

I Fuck Your Mom's Butt! If I am right, what do I win?~Formerly Annoying Crap 00:16, 5 May 2013

Nearly got it, butt didn't, so you don't win anything. Yet. IFYMB! 04:23, 5 May 2013 (UTC)

That leaves Boobs or some reference to thereof. Breasts? ~Formerly Annoying Crap 19:34, 5 May 2013

Well done, I feel obliged to give you- IFYMB! 20:01, 5 May 2013 (UTC)

Hey thanks, most noobs dont' even know how to copy and paste templates. ;) Award moved to userpage ~Formerly Annoying Crap 15:14, 6 May 2013

I know this is probably going to sound stupid but, where are your awards? IFYMB! 15:34, 6 May 2013 (UTC)

For some reason they are not showing up on this website, but are here. The correct way to use that cookie template is like this:

Award moved to userpage

Thx for being such an inquisitive n00b. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 15:54, 6 May 2013

I feel so warm inside, are these cookies homemade? IFYMB! 15:58, 6 May 2013 (UTC)

Yes, they are made with real girlscouts. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 17:15, 6 May 2013

Yummy. I thought it tasted like good, soft, human flesh. IFYMB! 17:25, 6 May 2013 (UTC)

[[{| purple nurples |}]] for outstanding acts of uselessness

Here's another template for your award page. You can put them on your userpage until you have enoughl lol ~Formerly Annoying Crap 18:26, 6 May 2013

Yes! I've always longed for the purple nurple award. IFYMB! 18:41, 6 May 2013 (UTC)

Award moved to userpage

Try not to let all this go to your head. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 19:30, 6 May 2013

I...I think I'm gonna faint... IFYMB! 20:04, 6 May 2013 (UTC)

tweets

Why did you pull it out of the competition?!?!?!?!! -- ShabiDOO 13:24, 17 May 2013 (UTC)

I liked my UnScript more. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 15:32 17 May 2013

Excuse Me!

That was a bit of a hostile attack on a friendly IP. I will take it as an act of humour and I will revert myself from recommending you om ban patrol. Thanks.  —Adopt-A-Noob

Hostile? That was not hostile. Just a little joke. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 10:24 18 May 2013

Oh, ok. Sorry for misinterpreting it. How are you?  —Adopt-A-Noob

I'm good. Is there a reason for attack on Sir Peasewhizz or are you just a dick? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 10:30 18 May 2013

It was a joke as I explained on my user page. It was a parody of an idiotic IP who thinks he's clever. It was used as promotion material for my political campaign for IPs that I'm running. It's all explained on my user page. Read it.  —Adopt-A-Noob

IP Rights? Pffft. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 10:42 18 May 2013

Exactly that's what I mean users hate IPs. I'm a user on another wiki where they respect IP rights and I wondered whether this wiki had the heart to do that as well. I'm going to start an IP party to promote our equality. You can join if you want.  —Adopt-A-Noob

But why not make an account? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 10:45 18 May 2013

I'm promoting IPs. It would damage my IP reputation to make an account. I'd be forced to write articles and stuff.  —Adopt-A-Noob

What's the point in joining if your not going to write? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 10:51 18 May 2013

I was only joking about the not going to write bit. On a serious note I will write and I am going to promote rights for IPs by staying an IP. The admins are probably going to attempt to ban me for creating a IP user page but how else do I promote my campaign?  —Adopt-A-Noob

How about killing them all and then take over the site for yourself? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 11:03 18 May 2013

Good idea! Anyway will you back me up if I created the IP Party?  —Adopt-A-Noob

First, create this "Parliment of Uncyclopedia", and we'll see what happens. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 11:10 18 May 2013

Ah, well I've already started making the IP Party page so I'll do that after.  —Adopt-A-Noob

But there is no other part to oppose. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 11:14 18 May 2013

Who dares oppose the might of the IPs? No you're right someone will have to make another party like an admin party.  —Adopt-A-Noob

You can splice the sexual tension with a knife. TaterTits (talk) 10:54, 18 May 2013 (UTC)

I like that word. Splice IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 11:03 18 May 2013

Originates from "Splice the mainbrace."

How extraordinary! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 11:10 18 May 2013

I just attempted to assasinate the leader of the IP rights party....but I forgot my bullets. The internet police came and gave me a medal. Im now going to go home and play with myself whenever hot girls sing at Eurovision. --ShabiDOO 13:57, 18 May 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for the publicity guys. I'm going to make a forum advertising it.  —Adopt-A-Noob

The IP Party of Uncyclopedia

Thank you for taking an interest. Please join!  —Adopt-A-Noob

I dont think Zombiebaron is too happy about this. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 16:15 19 May 2013

Twitter article

This has a ginormous amount of potential. IMO it is 95% done, and I think with a bit of strategic planning and fine editing...it would become a classic article on the wiki. I really hope you go through with it. I think it was one of the two best entry for the PLS even though you withdrew it. --ShabiDOO 20:13, 21 May 2013 (UTC)

You think so? I did like it and probably shouldn't have withdrawn it. If you want to, you can help me edit it, to get it perfect. If you would prefer me to do it all, just point and I'll do the hard, hard work. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 20:41 21 May 2013

Voted

I helped you by voting. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 00:42, 29 May 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for that. I looked at your NASCAR article, but being british, I have no clue who this "Juan" character is. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 00:46 29 May 2013

Only NASCAR fans know who Juan his. His full name is Juan Pablo Montoya. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 00:48, 29 May 2013 (UTC)

One quick look on the internet shows me he was in a crash where he slammed into a jet dryer. Looks pretty bad. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 00:51 29 May 2013

I uploaded a file on it and put into the NASCAR article. Funny. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 00:53, 29 May 2013 (UTC)

NASCAR looks pretty dangerous, I thought it was just driving in a circle. BTW, Congrats on 1000 edits. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 00:56 29 May 2013

Some say that until the crashes. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 00:57, 29 May 2013 (UTC)

44 fatal acciedents. Thats some brutal shit. List of NASCAR fatal accidents. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 01:08 29 May 2013

Do you like music?

I need help with a new page called User:MagicBus/Van Halen. Can you? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 10:44, 31 May 2013 (UTC)

Sure, but I cant do it at the moment, maybe later on. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 10:46 31 May 2013

Ok thanks. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 10:49, 31 May 2013 (UTC)

Magician of the month

Thanks for nominating me for Magician of the month? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 20:58, 3 June 2013 (UTC)

Its alright, you deserve it. Anyway you would do the same for me. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 05:54 4 June 2013

Help?

Can you help me with this article, User:MagicBus/Young Girl? Thanks! -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 22:57, 10 June 2013 (UTC)

Sure. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 22:58 10 June 2013

Thanks! Your a big help! -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 22:59, 10 June 2013 (UTC)

Week-old news two weeks late: The UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

June 6th, 2013 • Issue 198 • Back and better than ever still pretty adequate.

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Tue, Jun 11 '13 2:31 (UTC)

MOAR HEELP!

Can you help me with User:MagicBus/Trash The Dress and/or User:MagicBus/Petticoat? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 19:05, 11 June 2013 (UTC)

GAHHHHHH, you have so many... IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 19:06 11 June 2013

Surprisingly... I started these months ago but never really edited anything. I had the Petticoat one became a mainspace page but it got deleted. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 19:08, 11 June 2013 (UTC)

Why? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 19:56 11 June 2013

Idk. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 19:57, 11 June 2013 (UTC)

And you're remaking it now? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 19:58 11 June 2013

yeah. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 19:59, 11 June 2013 (UTC)

What's the concept? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 20:02 11 June 2013

Read the articles and find out! -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 20:03, 11 June 2013 (UTC)

Behind the pettitcoat article I mean... IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 20:06 11 June 2013

Oh well it's something girls wear... so... -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 20:10, 11 June 2013 (UTC)

Talk about in depth. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 20:11 11 June 2013

Why?:Listen to Indie Rock?

Glad to hear your excitement about the article. Read more on the talk page here. Good to hear you're excited. Help is appreciated. You can supply some ideas with me and I'll decide whether they stay or go.

Thanks. By the way, what does IFYMB mean anyway? User:Matthlock/sig2 22:18, 21 June 2013 (UTC)

Guess over here. Forum:The IFYMB mystery IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 09:15 26 June 2013

thanks

For making that forum fail horribly, you made us avoid a conflict with wikia, and maybe even Google... Good job mate! --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 06:05, 22 June 2013 (UTC)

Unicorn burger? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 06:17 22 June 2013

Nah, I'm good. --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 06:18, 22 June 2013 (UTC)

Let's be honest, I wasn't the only one to fuck up that forum. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 06:23 22 June 2013

True, I also helped out a lot... --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 06:24, 22 June 2013 (UTC)

You most certainly did. So don't go around blaming unicorn vendors. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 06:34 22 June 2013

I was congratulating you! Not accusing you! --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 06:38, 22 June 2013 (UTC)

You were? Well then, thank you! You to0 did a rather brilliant job. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 06:44 22 June 2013

EAT MAH PEGASUS BURGER! --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 09:07, 26 June 2013 (UTC)

EAT MAH UNICORN BURGER! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 09:09 26 June 2013

Denza, pegasuses don't taste as nice, okay? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 09:24 26 June 2013

Allright Fine...

I won't self nom. But get someone to nom me! I'm already feeling wet from anticipation... So find someone to nom me... oh yeah baby... --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 20:37, 29 June 2013 (UTC)

I voted, now nom me! --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 02:39, 1 July 2013 (UTC)

I have done so :) IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 02:45 1 July 2013

Pee Review

Pee Review! Pee Review! Pee Review!  Tumb13weed 21:39, 5 July 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for that. Once I get all My UnNewses reviewed and cleaned up, I'm gonna start writing again. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 04:54 6 July 2013

...You have 35 of those.  Tumb13weed 10:07, 6 July 2013 (UTC)

I mean the ones with a decent chance of being featured. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 11:37 6 July 2013

Estimating, at least five and at most eight of those. You've set high standards with UnNews:Elephant beaten to death with grandmother.  Tumb13weed 16:42, 6 July 2013 (UTC)

Yeah, that was a good one. I'm putting a couple up for Pee Review... IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 16:44 6 July 2013

Oh, and which 5 were you thinking of? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 16:46 6 July 2013

• UnNews:Boring shit happens
• UnNews:Scientist concludes female underwear is useless
• UnNews:Russia 2 - Switzerland 1
• UnNews:Harry gets Hogwarts letter
• UnNews:After 598 years, Catholic Church admits wrongdoings

 Tumb13weed 17:09, 6 July 2013 (UTC)

And the other 3? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 17:22 6 July 2013

I don't know, that number is only an estimate. Consider them accidentals.  Tumb13weed 21:55, 6 July 2013 (UTC)

I like these as well: UnNews:Interview with You and UnNews:Syrup thieves caught. What do you think? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 21:59 6 July 2013

I'll be reviewing UnNews:Syrup thieves caught soon. The former, I think, needs a little expansion. Ending is fine, just add stuff in the middle after the 10min break.  Tumb13weed 22:06, 6 July 2013 (UTC)

That's what I thought too. I think after you look at the Syrup one, I'll do whatever it is you say needs doing, then nom it for VFH, because I quite like it. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 22:09 6 July 2013

UnSignpost is back

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

July 7th, 2013 • Issue 199 • Still fashionably late.

Why am I delivering this to you? Anton (talk) 18:32, 6 July 2013 (UTC)

Hello Kitty

Peekaboo. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 14:30, 7 July 2013

AHHHHHH, the dead can come back!! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 14:41 7 July 2013

I have like 4 more lifes at least. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 14:34, 8 July 2013

Well, I didn't know you were a cat. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 14:36 8 July 2013

I have one. A small one. I'm pretty sure that counts. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 16:18, 8 July 2013

I'm not sure cat's can transfer thier lives... sorry. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 16:19 8 July 2013

Not like that. Well, I just dont' want you to think of that godawful movie but I'm pretty resilient. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 16:25, 8 July 2013

Well, you made me think of a godawful movie. Thanks. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 16:29 8 July 2013

Concerning the future collaboration

As I said, I liked the idea of an UnScripts about Snowden tapping the phone call. However, I didn't know anything about him and so went on wikipedia and found out that he leaked a lot of information, especially about the phone call taps. So do you want to make a joke about how he himself does something against what he goes publically? Anton (talk) 20:28, 11 July 2013 (UTC)

Yeah, that was the idea of the UnScript... I was also thinking that many calls are tapped, one between him and Assange and one between him and his mother? What do you think? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 20:57 11 July 2013

Oh, ok. So we can do it in three parts: first, he taps a call, than his two calls are tapped? I think it is good. Anton (talk) 06:24, 12 July 2013 (UTC)

Alright, I like that format. So, now, who should do what. I've never done a collab before. Should we each take one phone call, then do the final one together? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 06:31 12 July 2013

This would be cool, as it will be clear who does what. I think we should create the page, discuss the concept (so it would be kept throughout the whole article), decide on the section titles together and then begin working on our own ones. It would be cool if the last one is done together.

I am sorry but I cannot work now because I will be taking a plane soon. I can probably to do it tomorrow or if I don't arrive late, this evening. Anton (talk) 06:39, 12 July 2013 (UTC)

That's fine. You got an idea for the title? You know, "Snowden's Phone Calls" or something? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 06:56 12 July 2013

Anton, I started it here: User:IFYMB!/UnScripts:Snowden's Phone Calls... IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 16:15 12 July 2013

I am back for a little while and I have already taken the plane. Well done with the start and the title seems to me better than "Snowden tapps a phone call", as that one would reveal its concept immediately! Anton (talk) 16:48, 12 July 2013 (UTC)

Blocked

Yeah don't do that thing. It's uncool man.... ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:45, 12 July 2013 (UTC)

Another USP

As the newspaper is supposed to be weekly, can I begin creating it and you, RAHB and Zombiebaron can help me? Anton (talk) 11:55, 16 July 2013 (UTC)

The page is Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/20130717. Anton (talk) 14:32, 16 July 2013 (UTC)

Concerning the newspaper and the UnScripts we were going to do: I am sorry but I am not here this week, so could you, please, do the USP with RAHB and Zombiebaron without me. You can change all the boxes on the right, if you choose. I have almost written the first article and so you probably have to do the second one. I will work on the UnScripts when I come back. Thanks. Anton (talk) 18:26, 16 July 2013 (UTC)

Sure, I'll do my best with the USP. Thanks for writing that first article, though I will have to change it a little and get RAHB to write the second article. Also, I think I might do some of my part of the UnScript while you are away. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 23:21 16 July 2013

Don't forget my interview this time. I logged it, so no excuses bub. --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 23:58, 16 July 2013 (UTC)(Seriously, when I wake up, Anton better be pregnant with my grandchild.)

Ok, I'll get it in there bub. Also, I have a slight inkling Anton's a guy... go back to Simsie. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 05:58 17 July 2013

Mpreg all teh way bub. Also, I'm going to write something in the USP. Also, Simsie is the prizes. --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 17:59, 17 July 2013 (UTC)(I'mma change my sig sooner or later)

You write? This will be interesting... IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 18:41 17 July 2013

Possible collabo

Hi best friend. I'm currently rethinking the whole "becoming a literary genius thing" and I want to collaborate with you. Why? Well you may or may not be knowledgable with Beavis & Butt-head and I have seen zilp of the show. If possible, the article I want us to collaborate on is "UnBooks:Cornholio, I hardly knew you". I already have ideas floating around that may or may not be good.

So what do you say, are you up to it? RedHot (talk) 10:23, 23 July 2013 (UTC)

I've never even heard of Beavis & Butt-head but I did a little research and I turns out that Cornholio is the alter-ego of Beavis. I would love to do a collab but I am going to France for the summer, in about 2 days time. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 14:41 23 July 2013

Surprises awaited me

Whoa!! Thank you very much for all the surprise noms of Unnews articles and others, I was floored (I live within walking distance of a floor at all times), and don't know how to thank you properly. Maybe the check will clear, I hope so (unlike last time). Words escape me (some of them are hiding in the corner, others run through cracks in the floor i.e. see above floor reference). Appreciated. Aleister 12:46 28-7-'13

I like your style of writing and VFH was dying so I just thought it would be a good idea to get some stuff feautured. Also, you should trying taping your words to chairs, that usually stops themm going anywhere. IFYMB! Talk to me baby!

Thanks! VFH is a strange beast. I like to go back and edit past stories, polish them a bit and add stuff to them. I think I did that with the sandy-earth page. You really picked some of the stuff I like best from my pages, thank you for reading them. I don't often think if any of the things here are being read, but when a surprise like that hit me in the face upon looking around it feels good that someone has read and liked some of them. I just write here for the sexual release, not to mention the court-ordered therapy or the bet I lost to my step-niece. Chairs would work. Aleister 17:10 28-7-'13

NO!!!

I just decided to work on our article and now you are leaving! Anton (talk) 09:57, 4 August 2013 (UTC)

So sorry, I can't help it. The flight was cheap. And I want sun. I'll do my bit when I get back. IFYMB! Talk to me baby!

Sure. Enjoy it! Everybody needs sun. Anton (talk) 11:36, 4 August 2013 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: a brilliant new format but less news

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

August 1st, 2013 • Issue #200 • Archives • Press Room

Servers Paid For Until 2014; World Peace Inevitable

Approximately how much money Uncyclopedia has now. Oh well, one zero is still more than no zeroes.

In a genius financial maneuver called "eat only Ramen for nine months", Uncyclopedia administrator Isarra has paid for Uncyclopedia's servers until September with what little student loan money she had left.

The remaining three months of 2013 were paid for with money raised from donations, merchandise sales, and advertising on the Uncyclomedia Shop. It cost $277.80 of the site's whopping $307.51, leaving the rest of the admins with barely enough money for their Ferrari gas tanks and an Uncyclopedia Android app.

However, this makes it obvious that the site is not yet financially self-sustaining and that other methods of generating revenue and/or more exposure to Uncyclopedia are needed if the site will do better in 2014. Ideas proposed on IRC include advertising, finding a generous sugar daddy, playing the lottery, and selling synthetic marijuana. Also worth considering is that even though raising awareness of the site through word of mouth and Operation Infamous is embarrassing and socially isolating, it will attract more people who will (hopefully) put money in our cup. And clicking on the ads in our e-store helps a bit too.

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Count to a million fiasco
On July 29th, 2013; the infamous Count to a million thread which is popular for it's time wasting appeal was locked by Frosty in what could be said as "an action of gay gay gay proportions." Several Just three users took to the streets to protest this decision, angry that their only source of time wasting has been taken by one gay snowman; of course, they didn't protest or anything so nothing notable happened.

When we asked Frosty about this, he responded "This is to make sure people edit in the mainspace like they're supposed to, for so long very few edits have taken place in mainspace and it seems like the most popular thing here is that blasted thread. I feel like I've made the perfect choice." However, TheHappySpaceman and co-partner in crime Kırby think otherwise; claiming that "This is just so Frosty can get the "gayest person in the world" award; we've made attempts to make the thread viable by contributing comics and other stuff and to mock all of our attempts, that's gay indeed. Even gayer than Mr. Winkler's F."

Everybody else is oddly not disturbed by this recent conundrum; knowing full well that the thread will be open in a week. "It's nice that we have a motivation to edit mainspace, I was getting tired posting numbers in an attempt to reach a million. Hey, maybe I'll make a featured article in a week." said a random Uncyclopedian. Okay, so it's not much of a fiasco as we portrayed it to be but two people are pissed off and that at least has to make it a mini-fiasco right? As of writing, TheHappySpaceman and Matthlock are currently planning to write a mainspace article, presumably with lots of gay jokes.

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UnDroid
For eons, an Uncyclopedia Android app was only a pipe dream. Maybe like two weeks ago. Thankfully, it's now a reality. The app, developed by some guy you've never heard of named Jude Pereira, can be found here. It's free in exchange for money and referring your friends to download the app. The app also has many exciting features such as AutoTypo 1.0, which shrinks the keypad and allows you to create typos faster than ever before, and Zoom 0.8, an innovative feature allowing you to make large things small and small things large. It's truly revolutionary technology, and it's completely free. So download it, use it, and be somebody.

Biopic
In this Biopic we examine the trials and tribulations of Fakehater who, with a few uploads under his belt (however that works), is taking audio requests in the Village Dump. He says he enjoys proofreading, doing audio, and based on his userpage, The Goonies. He is also into older women but, like most UnNews reporters, he has little to offer any dignified, diabetic septuagenarian. Embarrassingly, his IRC nickname is "arsenic_x", which we're pretty sure is what created the Powerpuff Girls.

From The Logs
• 20:53, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lemonpie (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Infinite ‎ (just fuck off pls)
• 17:13, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of -3600 seconds ‎ (how many dicks could a dick sucker suck if a dick sucker could suck dick?)
• 11:41, July 1, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 31 millennia, 6 centuries, 8 decades, 8 years, 269 days, 17 hours, 37 minutes and 3 seconds ‎ (Better number of nines)

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Top VFH Competitors
• UnNews:Army launches new recruiting ad campaign (8/0.5)
• UnScripts:Your Guide to Notable Literature: Abridged (6.5/0)
• Constantine II (5.5/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week
Katy Perry hit generator (10/0)

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From The Forums
• Remember a time when Uncyclopedia didn't suck
• Hey! This looks like an important thing!
• I can't hear you!
• The day the music was born again and accepted Christ

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UnSignpost News
You are probably noticing that the UnSignpost looks a little bit different. That's because it is. If you don't like it then that's just, like, your opinion and stuff man.

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IRC Quote
[13:35] <DogTheColourful> I WILL FUCK YOUR HOUSE AND BURN YOUR MOTHER DOWN

Anton (talk) 13:54, 8 August 2013 (UTC)

Sexy tomboyish indian aspie bisexual b-cup girl with glasses

Now that I have your attention, vote yes on this when you get back Forum:Forest Fire Week 3.14: Reloaded. Thanks a bunch. --The Defender of Light >Grand Warlock Danzathel Aetherwing Inventory 19:56, 14 August 2013 (UTC)

He is probably having a sunbath now and does not care about any Forest Fires. Vacation till September. Anton (talk) 15:49, 15 August 2013 (UTC)

Back two days early! Suprise!!! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 12:35, 29 August 2013 (UTC)

You smexy beast!

Where you've been m8? What's up anyways? Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 11:46, 28 August, 2013 (UTC)

In France, in the sunshine! In reply to "What's up" the only witty response I can think of is my dick. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 04:45, 30 August 2013 (UTC)

Hello

It's interesting what people say on IRC Chat!  MagicBus 20:37, 29 Au:gust 2013 (UTC)

You got that right. We all become a little crazy... IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 20:49, 29 August 2013 (UTC)

I can see that...  MagicBus 20:57, 29 August 2013 (UTC)

Welcome back IFYMB!

How have you been? Have the neighbors been treating you well? Will you ever write an Uncyclopedia article again? RedHot (talk) 21:14, 29 August 2013 (UTC)

I have been great, the neighbours broke in and stole my radio and yes, I will one day soon write an Uncyclopedia article. Can you tell me what's been going on here? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 21:19, 29 August 2013 (UTC)

Hi and welcome back! Anton (talk) 17:27, 30 August 2013 (UTC)

Not much. Anton (talk) 17:28, 30 August 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for that insightful comment! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 17:41, 30 August 2013 (UTC)

Certainly welcome. The only thing I know about is that the FFW has begin and Zombiebaron tagged Satan with FFW, which will probably create a red link in one hundred articles or so, while the page is not that bad. I think of improving on it.

I also wrote something here. But it is not very good and I am planning to rewrite this as well. Anton (talk) 18:11, 30 August 2013 (UTC)

Ah, yes. We can finally start it! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 18:28, 30 August 2013 (UTC)

We are very quick with it! Anton (talk) 18:35, 30 August 2013 (UTC)

You doing UnSignpost anymore? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 19:06, 30 August 2013 (UTC)

Well, we kind of forgot about it after the new format got introduced. To be honest, I had so much work with the UnSignpost at the wikia that I forgot about this one. But it will come. Anton (talk) 18:13, 31 August 2013 (UTC)

PONOS IN MY VAGOO

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

AHAHAHA

--The Defender of Light >Grand Warlock Danzathel Aetherwing Inventory 22:25, 29 August 2013 (UTC)

You

You are rude, crude, mean, racist, ugly, smelly, a member of the nazi party, your humour is dry, offending, disgraceful and you have no charm, dignity or shame in your sexist ways and I also think you may be a paedophile... We should be friends --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 02:58, 3 September 2013 (UTC)

Before I do anything else, I just want to say I deny all the words that the user above called me other than "rude" and a friend. Those two were quite tasteful in my opinion and although the statment above did not portray me in an excellent light, I do have to applaud the extensive use of adjectives that would've got the writer a C+ in grade 5. That is not to say that his actions are justifiable as a lot of the words above obviously got mixed up with an e-mail to his father, especially the "racist, nazi, sexist and paedophile" parts. Although his father may be all of those things, I don't want him getting in the way of our friendship, so whenever we are together, he shall never be spoken of, despite how unusually evil he is. I believe that we are now friends. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 06:42, 3 September 2013 (UTC)

But I thought you were my daddy...--Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 19:18, 3 September 2013 (UTC)

Nope, I believe you are mistaking me for Zombiebaron. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 20:13, 3 September 2013 (UTC)

Nah, User:Happytimes actually. Regardless, I didn't mean the nazi thing... I just meant anti-Semitism. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 03:29, 4 September 2013 (UTC)

Ah, okay. That makes me feel a lot better. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 16:54, 19 September 2013 (UTC)

Days of the week friendly competition that shabidoo will win and everyone else will fail

Your topic is THURSDAY

Rules are posted here

Let us know if you can't participate and we'll find a substitute

I would wish you good luck but I shave my crotch hair every day in September and I'm rather busy.

--ShabiDOO 16:50, 9 September 2013 (UTC)

Me and my OCD...

I thought the logo behind the boobslap was unintentional. And then I noticed your header thingy... damn... I should... do something... or the other... I'm so sad... --The Defender of Light >Grand Warlock Danzathel Aetherwing Inventory 16:25, 19 September 2013 (UTC)(feel free to vandalize my userpage in revenge)

It was intentional, and I've had it for some time. I shall now vandalize your page in response :) IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 16:53, 19 September 2013 (UTC)

OHJ MAI GAWUD Y U EDI? --daNgeanSaiehgaddeicpieonwhole

Because I can. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 17:34, 19 September 2013 (UTC)

oh noes, wat dis? I never seen dis befor, oh noes, wat did u do to mai Internet Explorer 2.3.342™? Oh noe, mai computer is exploding. click the the links for free pr0n --The Defender of Light >Grand Warlock Danzathel Aetherwing Inventory 18:43, 19 September 2013 (UTC)don click da links u fool

Um, okay then... IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 20:30, 19 September 2013 (UTC)

Dude or Dudette

Don't worry about the award. I intentionally blanked the page because a while ago I started getting kinda crazy whenever there was text on my user page. This is why I blanked it in the first place too! I know, it's fucked up but I can't help it! Heh! --Mimo&maxus 08:35, 21 September 2013 (UTC)

Ah, okay... I just thought you hadn't realised you'd won. Also, are you back for good this time? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 08:41, 21 September 2013 (UTC)

Yep! --Mimo&maxus 08:48, 21 September 2013 (UTC)

You're taking over.

Well, since you decided to revive IC, I'm resigning my post and will become third in command due to study commitments and my goal to get up to level 30 in League of Legends.

You are now the leader. I wish you the best. Also, I got a League of Legends article for Uncyc in the works.

Stay gold,

|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 07:49, 24 September 2013 (UTC)

Woah, thanks. That was unexpected but I will do my best to continue your legacy or some shit like that. Have fun studying! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 09:42, 24 September 2013 (UTC)

IC suggestions

• write something for USP. Highlight previous successes (God, Scifi, Al Gore, etc.)
• Personally invite good writers. Gerry, Al, etc.
• Get a topic up sooner rather than later. Get people interested in a particular project. Easier to promote a specific than a general concept. Nag those already interested to start nominating, and pick a date (after AW) as the date to vote on next article. Drive the momentum.

Nominally Humane! 07:59 24 Sep

Thanks for the tips! I shall definatly personally invite users and drive the momentum, but the USP seems to have stopped, which is why I made the forum. Anyways, again, thanks for the tips and I hope you too will join in the fun. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 09:14, 24 September 2013 (UTC)

Hmmm… If it was me, I'd get a group of colonisers together to recreate the USP as a one-off special IC issue. And treat that as the first colonisation. Nominally Humane! 09:59 24 Sep

That's a great idea! Since you recommended it, would you like to help? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 10:19, 24 September 2013 (UTC)

Sure. Grab a few other volunteers. Nominally Humane! 10:22 24 Sep

I will. While you're here, you should probably go over to the IC page and the VFH page to vote on stuff. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 10:30, 24 September 2013 (UTC)

Help me?

Can you please add some information to User:MagicBus/National Kickball Association please?  MagicBus 10:47, 24 September 2013 (UTC)

I would but I have no idea what Kickball is. Also, check out the IC page. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 11:05, 24 September 2013 (UTC)

Okay. I voted on some things in the IC. Can I add a page?  MagicBus 21:29, 24 September 2013 (UTC)

Of course! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 21:35, 24 September 2013 (UTC)

Okay. I've thought of two.  MagicBus 21:36, 24 September 2013 (UTC)

Great! Be sure to add them! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 22:00, 24 September 2013 (UTC)

Hey

Where did you say we can vote for the IC again? --Mimo&maxus 11:39, 24 September 2013 (UTC)

Over here: Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 12:06, 24 September 2013 (UTC)

Special USP

I saw your message on Anton's talkpage (I'm a snooping snooper) and noticed you wanted to make a special USP for the revival of IC. I'd be delighted to help, if you'll have me. How can my WeinribŽ be this cute? 18:37, 25 September 2013 (UTC)

Yeah, sure! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 20:20, 25 September 2013 (UTC)

Awesome! How can my WeinribŽ be this cute? 20:22, 25 September 2013 (UTC)

So do I just jump in, or what? I don't know how USP works. I just read it whenever there's a new one, I don't know much about the format. How can my WeinribŽ be this cute? 15:51, 26 September 2013 (UTC)

If you habe something to say about IC, then go ahead. It looks like Puppy has written it in latin, so you should probably try to translate it because no one will be able to read it. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 16:00, 26 September 2013 (UTC)

What Puppy wrote is just gibberish: "Name Email Website manager, please contact us. We said it as a policy. No need to use the money on time and budget." That's the first three sentences. How can my WeinribŽ be this cute? 16:06, 26 September 2013 (UTC)

Ah nevermind. Puppy hasn't actually edited that section yet. On most websites, before editing a section of something, it reads that text. I remember because on my school's website the profiles aren't edited so they start out Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.... and so on and so forth. How can my WeinribŽ be this cute? 16:09, 26 September 2013 (UTC)

Welcome to {{lorum}}.

I've just stolen the basic structure from the previous USP as a starting point at this stage. I'd like to make it a little more "Imperial" as we go along, but it's one step at a time here. Nominally Humane! 08:12 26 Sep

What's the Latin for "website"? Nominally Humane! 08:14 26 Sep

Poterentur. How can my WeinribŽ be this cute? 21:02, 26 September 2013 (UTC)

Nice!

Congrats on the feature! Not only do you tiewin the contest but you get the article on the front page as well! I guess the old saying is true; good things come from random organized confusing contests and stuff. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 23:15, 30 September 2013 (UTC)

So say the old Chinesse masters. We should definalty do it again some time, and get all the articles on to the mainspace. By the way, you smell like a pink goatboy. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 23:36, 30 September 2013 (UTC)

Sorry, I had one for lunch. Didn't sit very well. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 23:52, 30 September 2013 (UTC)

I can tell, the stench has travelled all over the internet, ruining my connection. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 23:58, 30 September 2013 (UTC)

I don't know what's wrong with your noses but you guys smell like applepie Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 13:49, 1 October, 2013 (UTC)

Yeah, it's my new deodrant. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 15:19, 1 October 2013 (UTC)

I prefer the pickle scented deodorant myself. Extra garlic of course. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 03:18, 4 October 2013 (UTC)

You can now start on your IC

We checked, there are seven votes for topic called "Hell". I suggest that you announce the topic for IC to everyone. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 07:59, 4 October 2013 (UTC)

Yeah, I saw, but the problem is that it looks like Gerrycheevers is doing it for TAW, so I'm a little unsure of what to do... Any thoughts? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 15:02, 4 October 2013 (UTC)

This isn't in my rules, but if one person is going to do it for an event, I suggest that you pick the article with the next highest votes. And so on. Pick Einstein. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 07:01, 6 October 2013 (UTC)

Oh, I forgot. Try this. I believe that it should be moved to the article "The Hunger Games" with redirects. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 07:14, 6 October 2013 (UTC)

UnScripts:Snowden's phone calls

So, have you seen what I wrote? Anton (talk) 12:33, 6 October 2013 (UTC)

I have :) I like it but there are a few pieces of grammer that need to be corrected. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 12:55, 6 October 2013 (UTC)

I hope I will get to these places soon. Anton (talk) 12:59, 6 October 2013 (UTC)

Thanks

Thanks for nomming the horned-women UnNews. I had literally forgotten all about it, so I guess I made myself lol reading it again. You are a prince of a fellow, well met. Aleister 11:59 27-10-'13

p.s. and I love your boobslap gif, one of the most erotic sadomaco things on the site. Have you thought of building an article around it and having it on the page full size. fapfapfap Ow!

Ah, well I am quite a prince if I do say so myself, but I like UnNewses and especially this one :D

The boobslap gif never fails to impress visitors to my page and I like the idea of building an article around it. Thanks! -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 19:29, 27 October 2013 (UTC)

So did you die?

You died, didn't you? Yeah, I knew it. Fucking space debris. When is NASA gonna do something about it? When I heard you got hit by that toilet seat from the old Russian station, I said "Damn!" And then I went home and got drunk. And then I wrote this. Cool story, huh? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Nov 17 '13 15:06 (UTC)

No, sorry, I am alive and well. Cool story, huh? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 16:52, 25 November 2013 (UTC)

I Peed As Always

I reviewed Latvia. I would have told you earlier but I spent too much time watching the boobslap.  Tumb13weed 20:19, 7 December 2013 (UTC)

Ah, thanks. Good to see somebody is doing Pee Review around here... IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 23:48, 7 December 2013 (UTC) (everyone loves the boobslap gif)

You're gone?

Why are you gone? What did we do wrong? – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia 23:00, 2 January 2014 (UTC)

Gone??? Nah. We'll leave a light on in the window for when you come back. Cake and other things too. Taking a break from here is not the worse idea in the world, in fact I think I'

Don't leave! -- MagicBus Talk to me! 01:37, 3 January 2014 (UTC)

NOOOOO, you can't do this. Say it ain't so. ;-; ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:46, 3 January 2014 (UTC)

Don't worry about not fitting into social groups here. I don't either and nobody seems to care. And you don't have to write about sexual stuff. I don't. I guess you've made up your mind though. We'll miss you :( Hope you come back someday if you change your mind. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia 04:54, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

Don't say that you can't write, I saw some very good articles coming from you! We didn't get the Snowden thing done, and it won't be up-to-date anymore, considering everything that happened to Edward ever since. Also, the only social group that I noticed here is the Uncyclopedia community and I think you managed very well to fit in it. ... You were a good user and ... it's sad ... YMIFBI? Panda Steak? 10:38, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

Hey

It is your right to leave - this will mean that you preferred hanging out with your playground pals to writing clever comedy, but that will be your choice - but you have no right to manipulate others and do what your vanity tells you: in this case, to distract other users from writing clever comedy using your userpage. I am not inclined to assume good faith from you anymore and I am no more inclined to let such behavior pass unperceived. Anton (talk) 16:43, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

Wait, what? You can put what you want on your userpage, can't you? How...what? – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia 16:52, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

Um, what? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 17:00, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

o.O Did I read Anton's message correctly? Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 17:12, 4 January, 2014 (UTC)

I think Anton has taken Spike's lead here. I have seen a lot of stuff on the Spoon where he tells people to stop messing around and get back to writing articles. Leverage (talk) 17:59, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

Chill out guys, have a beer, kick back, relax and have fun :) That's what this site's about. Mattsnow 18:11, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

It is sad to explain a joke you just told. The only person who seems to have understood it is Leverage. It really took me a long time to try to write in the same way as Spike does. Anton (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

And I hoped you would laugh... Anton (talk) 19:33, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

I could make a sockpuppet called SPÍKE and wreak havoc. Leverage (talk) 19:55, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

Lol, I fell for it. I'm not familiar with the current drama anyway. :) Mattsnow 20:30, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

(EDIT: whoops, I fell for it too. Here's what I just wrote, and you were just joking. Got me.) Anton, what are you saying? This site is how uncy used to be, everyone playing together. The other site is where the SPIKE rules live, where the gruff edge sits atop the writers. Here, you say stuff like that and you get a pie in the face. Literally (Look behind you!) Aleister 20:55 4-1-14

I thought you had been hacked :D IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 21:15, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

So it was a joke? Oops. Oh well. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia 22:38, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

Boo don't leave. Do what I do, and write articles about masturbation and penises and boobs. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Jan 5 '14 5:45 (UTC)

That's not all you write about by any stretch of the imagination. I'd link the articles I'm thinking of here but I forget most of their titles. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia 05:51, 5 January 2014 (UTC)

Heh heh, Anton you genius troll, and I was thinking you cannot be fucking serious... You're good imitating SPIKE there mate :P Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 09:18, 5 January, 2014 (UTC)

Thank you. ㄴ Pike ㄱ 09:58, 5 January 2014 (UTC)

PLS Winner...

So, I sent you an email but I never heard back... I was hoping to send you your PLS prize money. » Brig Sir Dawg | t | v | c » 2014.01.06.23:13

He left. Probably why you didn't hear from him. Who knows though. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia 04:36, 7 January 2014 (UTC)

UnSignpost: yet another new format but still less news

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

5 May 2014 • Issue #201 • Archives • Press Room

Some headline to make this awful story by an inexperienced editor seem important and newsworthy

By Llwy-ar-lawr
So it seems nothing much goes on these days that's really newsworthy. Sure things happen, new users stop by, edit a while then leave, people write things, but...nothing really notable, you know. But we won't write an entire article about how nothing's happening and how depressing that is because, well, it's depressing, you know? So we're going to tell you about one thing the author - in her extreme vanity - thinks is worthy of reporting and make it seem like that's important and trick you into caring, when you'd really much rather be playing video games or (gasp) writing an article.

This forum resulted in our acquiring a new admin, Llwy-ar-lawr, who is still all over the place just like she was before but now shows up in different places and is making this slow website go a little faster to hide how slow it is (we hope). There are rumours that she sleeps sometimes, but they have yet to be verified. She also happens to be writing this text right now, which is a terrible conflict of interest so we can't say any more on the matter; this means we will distract you with more pointless drivel about nothing. Now back to our regularly scheduled commercials, which we've forgotten to serve you. We bet you were really missing them because they're so yummy and informative. And yellow. That comes from the pee, which is high in nice nutrients like phosgene phosphorus...we think. Probably. We're telling it to you as a fact, though, because we're never wrong.------------

Retro Week happens

By Anton199

The Retro Week organisers combat Uncyclopedia's liberal minds.

Uncyclopedians, rejoice! A great victory over the forces of liberalism has been won!

We, the Conservative users of Uncyclopedia, have decided that we don't have enough featured in-jokes, clowns, Really Big Trees, user and disambiguation pages, as if we haven’t pulled enough boners (and templates), we are putting all our past glories on our main page, once again, one by one, ten days a week.

Dear readers, only a few days late, the UnSignpost declares the Retro Week open! Applauds!

Originally Shabidoo's very controversial idea, the Retro Week has grown to become the time when all the Uncyclopedia administrators take an official rest from their site work, unless they are also the UnSignpost editors. You don't believe us? Check the recent changes!

So the 2014 Retro Week opened with a really big tree. A very big one. But it is pretty much everything original about it. It pursued with Slender Lorises, that are able to live in wet and dry forests, next - with Template:Boner, which we are not going to use in this UnSignpost, no matter how many times you ask us. Then came the turn of Hardwick Fundelbuggy's Userpage, featured not because it was funny, but because its author had written a lot of funny stuff (following this logic we can feature sandboxes and user contributions). Finally, we saw the Fire Hydrant spreading its waters around Uncyclopedia and slowing down - if not destroying - the servers.

Amongst other pros of the Retro Week are the facts that it gives users a good excuse for not voting on VFH for a while, because nobody does this anyway and that it is keeping our main page busy, while we are making an UnSignpost for you.

Thank Sophia, it happens only once a year!

Biopic We haven't managed to get hold of anyone long enough to get sufficient information out of them for a biopic. They always managed to ooze away just in time. Must be that slime that's got into the works.

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From The Logs

• 23:35, 1 May 2014 Llwy-ar-lawr (talk | contribs) blocked SPIKE (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 seconds (account creation disabled) (does this do what I think it does?)

• 08:07, 17 April 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked MediaWiki default (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (you can't do that... YOU JUST CAN'T!!)

• 15:09, 10 April 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 166.216.165.0/24 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (anonymous users only, account creation disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (Hey! Hey, guess what? I have a BONER for you to gnaa on! Ha ha ha ha ha pwnt.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Breaking Bad Wind (9/0)

• Why?:Are motorists out to get me when I ride my bike? (9/1)

• UnNews:Massage bugs discovered in Uganda (7/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week This is not an article (12/2)

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From The Forums

• Retro Week is in session

• This looks interesting

• This looks interesting too

• Shiny stuff

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UnSignpost News This is the first UnSignpost issue since August 2013. If that's not news I don't know what is, so stop complaining.

---

Chat Quote [22:15] <snerk> I just can't help but think that this is a pattern that is indicative of an anarchist takeover.

– Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 04:22, 5 May 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

If you're still alive...

Please come back to Uncyclopedia soon or we are coming after you for child support. --EMC ^[TALK] 16:21 Jun 7 2014

Are you...

...back? If so, I'd love to help you find the inspiration to write again, if I could figure out how one does that. Unless you'd rather I not. Anyway, I hope you're back, because you're cool and stuff, and more users is always good blah babble. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 05:36, 21 Jun 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

Yeah, I think I am. It seems I'm too late for the Happy Monkey Competition but I had a few projects I was working on before I went AWOL. Could you tell me what's been going on some I left? -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 05:47, 21 June 2014 (UTC)

Good to see you back, I Fuck Your Monkey's Bum. With me, BanzaiKitten, JFC and now you, there is a mini British invasion going on! Leverage (talk) 08:22, 21 June 2014 (UTC)

It's good to be back, I'm ready to write again. Nice to see a few more Brits to help us reclaim the land that was once ours. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 08:58, 21 June 2014 (UTC)

What's been going on... well, let's see. Lyrithya pretended to leave, but then came back. A parody of Fisher Price's logo got taken down because Mattel got mad at us for violating their copyright. I tried to restart the UnSignpost, but I only managed to do one issue back in May. Anton tried to leave and he came back too, as you can see below. April Fools happened and a bunch of people put shock images here and on Wikia for fun, and they got blocked by Spike on wikia but nobody blocked anyone here because we're so nice. I became an admin. Retro Week happened. MrN9000 desysopped himself and came back as Jesus F Christ. User:SPIKE got VFD'd, recreated, and restored to the original version. That's about all I can think of (not exactly in chronological order). – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 21:08, 24 Jun 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

Welcome back!

Welcome back dude! Are you planning on staying? -- MagicBus Talk to me! 10:31, 21 June 2014 (UTC)

<3 ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 10:59, 21 June 2014 (UTC)

Thanks for the warm welcome guys :) I've decided that I am staying since I realised that I really enjoyed writing on this site. Plus, I missed the penis jokes. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 11:04, 21 June 2014 (UTC)

holy shit bro, welcome back! Another brit has started using irc (he took your place after you cowardly left without any notes left on the fridge), so, umm yes, that's that. Time to take your crown back eh? Anyway welcome back mate! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 19:33, 21 June, 2014 (UTC)

HMC

Your topic for the competition is QQXX@@## (Film)

So go create an article on your user space. Contact me (or an admin if I don't respond soon) for any questions. You have two days. Remember:

CREATIVITY, ORIGINALITY and HELARITY. You will be judged on all three of these out of 10 for a score of 30.

You have 48 hours to finish this (18:30 UTC time June 21)

--ShabiDOO 17:28, 21 June 2014 (UTC)

This will be fun. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 05:58, 22 June 2014 (UTC)

Time is up. Seems like you didn't have time to write an article. You can help judge if you like. --ShabiDOO 17:34, 23 June 2014 (UTC)

Yeah, sorry about that... I don't mind judging if you're still looking for somebody. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 19:47, 24 June 2014 (UTC)

No problem. You can give a score out of 10...that should be fine (unless you're willing to give a score out of 10 for each of creativity, originality and humour and write some comments for each of the 15 completed articles in which case let me know). Try to do a few today if possible. The score page is here. --ShabiDOO 20:31, 24 June 2014 (UTC)

Hello!

It's impossible to leave Uncyclopedia, no? I've tried as well, so we are in the same boat. Anton (talk) 09:01, 22 June 2014 (UTC)

It is possible. You just need to be subtle about it, or better yet...you'll find it. User:Matthlock/sig2 02:27, 25 June 2014 (UTC)

HMC

Hi, I Find Your Mother Beautiful! I don't know know if you were going to do that today or not, but this note is just to remind you to finish the judging of Hungarian Military Contest in case you forgot. If you didn't, you can ignore the message! Anton (talk) 11:12, 29 June 2014 (UTC)

This user is an official judge of the HAPPY MONKEY COMPETITION 2014 Articles & results can be found here

Thanks a million for doing the judging and so much at the last minute. You are a credit to your species. --ShabiDOO 19:26, 29 June 2014 (UTC)

Thanks a lot, it was a pleasure taking part in such a well organised compoitition, even if I wasn't able to write. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 20:06, 29 June 2014 (UTC)

It's back! - The UnSignpost

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!

25 July 2014 • Issue #202 • Archives • Press Room

UnSignpost: Return of the worst newspaper in history! By Frosty

Uncyclopedia. A kelpy substance.

Uncyclopedia is like a moldy pile of kelp right now. Not a lot of fun is happening right now. Or is it? Well probably not, but the UnSignpost is back! You know that newspaper that occasionally makes appearances on your talkpage that you also totally read. More than ever this newspaper will be uninformative, filled with articles that seem to endlessly ramble on about nothing in particular just to serve as filler and most importantly it will be the newspaper written by barely literate drunks.

Of course, you must ask, will this project actually be happening on any regular basis? You bet! Certain people who are extremely vain, as proven by the writing himself into the article will try and deliver you an UnSignpost every single Friday! That is of course, unless he gets devoured by a moldy pile of kelp. Then it might not happen. Other writers may also take part in this wonderful franchise, but let's face it, it's more likely that you read this entire article through to the end, than people actually write for this place anymore.------------

New admin time By Frosty
Once again we find ourselves in that horrible, horrible mode of electing new administrators for Uncyclopedia. A process that never fails to see at least three users permanently quit the site because of "hurt feelings". But apparently, this time will be different. Although we say that every time, we truly mean it this time. Every drama stirrer will win an all expenses paid trip to RAHB's secret rape dungeon where they will have their anus mercilessly pounded with a stick coated in pieces of broken glass, and to top it off, the glass pieces will have been soaked in the HIV virus before hand.

Serious candidates include Kip the Dip, Mr-ex777 and Leverage; and not so serious candidates include RAHB, vandals from 2008 and DungeonSiegeAddict510 (let's face it, who'd vote for him?). And although newspapers are supposed to be non-bias and non-speculative, if you don't vote for Kip, Mr-ex or Leverage you are a loser. Plain and simple.

Users are all encouraged to vote, because unlike with the presidential election, your vote counts! Further more, not every single candidate is a loser, most of them are, but not all of them. Voting commences on August 1, so get ready for some old fashion in your face comedy tragedy!

Biopic For the first time in 2014, we actually have a biopic! This week's biopic is Banzaikitten, who, is one of the very few new comers of 2014 to not bugger off within 7 days of signing up. We would like to thank SPIKE for his contribution in bringing Banzaikitten closer to us through his "take no prisoners" banning style on Wikia. If it wasn't for this, Banzaikitten would never have quit Wikia and joined us at the chosen Uncyclopedia. Please take a moment to thank Banzaikitten for being one of the very, very, VERY few users to join in recent times.

---

From The Logs

• 14:56, 23 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) changed block settings for 184.7.86.140 (talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I've decided to use lube. You should feel so lucky.)

• 00:55, 19 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked 184.7.81.56 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Chronic sock wanking and being a really shit vandal.)

• 14:41, 1 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 23.105.212.133 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I’m coming at you like a dark horse)

Top VFH Competitors

• F4 (10/0)

• Potatoe (10/0)

• Bidet (10/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (13/0)

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From The Forums

• Well, do you?

• Goes without saying, this is Uncyclopedia.

• Good riddance!

• Oh boy...

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UnSignpost News If you've read the UnSignpost all the way to this point, you need help. Seriously.

---

Chat Quote [17:12] You have been disconnected. Attempting to reconnect for you...

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:04, 25 July 2014 (UTC)

Two weeks in a row? A new record! It's the UnSignpost

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

01 August 2014 • Issue #203 • Archives • Press Room

...And they're off! By Frosty

Just as lame and boring as a horse race, except without the gambling.

Predictably (and because let's face it, nothing else is happening on the site), the admin election takes the lead story. For those of you living under a rock and those that are just plain slow, Kip the Dip is leading the race by far (+19) and should win be a few lengths, this is definitely because of how hard his jockey is riding him. Cat the Colourful is trailing at second with +13, followed by Leverage at +8 and Banzaikitten at +6. Other notable mentions include Aleister, Mr-ex777, Lost Labyrinth Mattsnow and DungeonSiegeAddict510 who have all succeeded in avoiding the highly embarrassing score of getting +1 or less. Feel free to message the losers with negative scores and point and laugh a lot hahaha.

It shuld be no surprise that the page has been mercilessly trolled with other complete joke nominations including The Chief of AIDS and The Zombie of AIDS.

If you haven't been to the forum yet to cast your vote, do it today! Uncyclopedia admin elections: Twice the drama, half the fat!------------

VFH smells By Frosty
This story is nothing short of a PSA, circle-jerking with traces of vote whoring in as well. If you are reading this, you should vote on VFH. VFH voting takes very effort and makes it, at the very least appear, that we have active users. So get down there some time today and vote on all the articles. Some might say you need to actually read them first, well this is (probably) a good idea, but do bear in mind that we don't actually know if you've read it or not. And unlike, when you didn't read Hamlet in your 9th grade English class there is not going to be a surprise test on the matter.

You should also go vote on Frosty's article(s) currently on VFH, it's the least you could do after he SINGLE HANDEDLY wrote this terrible newspaper for you. If you don't, the length of his e-penis will decrease considerably all because he didn't get another feature on a website with a userbase smaller than an Eastern Siberian village.

Biopic This week's biopic is the user named TheRealSexyFluttershy, which just goes to show how desperate we are for biopics that we are willing to write about literally anyone who shows a vague interest or presence in the site. TheRealSexyFluttershy can be found on The Internet Relay Chats discussing things that have relevance to ponies and poopdick on a disturbingly regular basis. However, he does occasionally make the odd presence on the Wiki and even more occasionally he makes useful edits to some page or another.

If you appreciate him go to his talk page and thank him for his noble contributions in the field of poopdick, if you don't appreciate him please feel free to spam his page with poopdick (although he may start furiously masturbating).

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From The Logs

• 16:25, 25 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) (You look like you're doing something important right now. Are you? What is it? Why are you doing it? Did I break it? Would that be bad?)

• 11:46, 26 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (Asking for it, begging for it actually.)

• 09:24, 29 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 173.44.44.121 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Now sit in your corner and think about what you've done)

Top VFH Competitors

• Rape (11/0)

• What's-his-name off that thing (10/0)

• F4 (10/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (14/0)

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From The Forums

• Vote if you haven't already!

• Bunch of sluts!

• This has been bumped again, add yourselves!

• How often should we feature things?

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UnSignpost News Frosty thinks all the other administrators are highly useless. Yeah, sorry guys but you are.

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Chat Quote [21:19] <sleeptyper> RAHB dislikes niggers

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:34, 1 August 2014 (UTC)

Does this look infected to you? It's the UnSignpost!

The UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

08 August 2014 • Issue #204 • Archives • Press Room

The return of TKF (sort of)! By Frosty

Filial Piety.

Not that much over a year ago, TKF left us with the classic "I'm quitting forever in a highly obnoxious and auto-fellating manor". For about 66 seconds Uncyclopedians everywhere were sad, we all fapped in sadness at the loss of our beloved TKF and things were never going to be quite the same again. Then we all thought to ourselves "good riddance, I hope he contracts Anthrax and dies."

No surprise, but he has come back under the highly illusive nickname "Argylesocks" which is obviously not somebodies sockpuppet because it contains the word socks in it. I mean, if you were a sockpuppet would you give it away so easily? Flawless logic! He can also be found on IRC chatting casually under the "dcik", showing his support for "The Dyslexia Support Foundation".

Head over to his user page and talk page to find out details about his awesome "Uncyclopedia Retrospect project" which is probably some grand social experiment documenting the life and times of hopeless losers on the internet, but hey it SOUNDED COOL.------------

Forum dramaz By Frosty
Uncyclopedia has recently had an infestation. An infestation of drama. Drama is bad mmkay? Aside from the obvious fact users get banned, users quit and people proceed to hate each other to the point where you would rub hot English Mustard into their prolapsed anus if you ever saw them in the street, drama distracts you from writing. As does reading the UnSignpost. But reading the UnSignpost is more constructive as the constant not so subliminal messaging telling you to write articles is plastered everywhere. WRITE ARTICLES.

But drama can be entertaining when coupled with cheap scotch and buttered popcorn to the humble obverser. But mainly it's bad, so stop it. No matter how funny you think your drama mongering will never compete with Asperger's Syndrome is no laughing matter... ...and the sequel rest of the trilogy.

Biopic This week's biopic is Chaoarren, which if you haven't meet him yet... You suck basically. He can be found on IRC, occasionally editing the Wiki and frequently reporting established users to Ban patrol because "they made fun of him in his pink skirt" or "he smells funny". Chaoarren has also done the highly laughable feat of running dead last in the most vote rigged admin election in history, where losers like Kip the Dip and Colin actually stand a chance of winning losing.

He's also a noob that hasn't buggered off yet. I wish more of them were like you Chaoarren... I really do...

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From The Logs

• 11:50, 6 August 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 107.182.115.32 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (You are the weakest Chink. Goodbye.)

• 06:40, 6 August 2014 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked XReaper (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (Horse dick)

• 06:14, 5 August 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 107.182.116.97 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Enjoy this beefy cock.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Rape (12/1)

• F4 (11/0)

• Jared Leto (10/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week What's-his-name off that thing (12/0)

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From The Forums

• Vote spam (again)

• Are you a bigger slut than RAHB?

• What this is I don't even

• This'll be good...

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UnSignpost News Confucius say "Shut the fuck up and edit an article".

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Chat Quote [20:17] <James_T> My dick is large

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 8 '14 12:19 (UTC)

More {{Boner}}s than a ragged Playgirl: It's the UnSignpost!

The UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

15 August 2014 • Issue #205 • Archives • Press Room

I'm back By Sir Peasewhizz

It was dark times being without Uncyclopedia. Maybe if I got out of the dark and went outside once in while it would be less dark. But you know, lazy me.

I plan to visit Uncyclopedia and do my 'thang (wink wink) at least once a week. But I hold no promises because you can't trust me. I'm a hoe and 3!OH!3 told you to NOT TRUST HOES.

However, I'm sure you guys found out why I was absent from the site for a good 200 years 4+ months and it was because my old laptop KOed and I finally got a new one for school.

So that means I won't be uploading images of Madiq. (pictured)...

Madiq.

I missed you, just kidding, but really. However, I didn't forget you, maybe sometimes,

Is this a haiku or something? My grammar sucks too.------------

New admins for you!

By Sir Peasewhizz

New admins/sysops.

Beware everyone, as a result of this there is now an additional 8 new sysops/administrators. They all expect BJS and prizes.
Kip the Dip

Leverage

Supergeeky1

Banzaikitten

Mr-ex777

Colin "All your base" Heaney

Lost Labyrinth

Cat the Colourful

They expect sacrifices. So chop, chop. Make haste.

Biopic This weeks biopic is on someone who doesn't read Uncyclopedia (but they will because we will make them through laughter har har). Her name is Elizabeth and she's from Australia. She showed Sir Peasewhizz her tits...

They were nice. And that is it for today's Biopic. What the fuck did you expect? A fucking biography on the Borgia family?

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From The Logs

• 05:37, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (talk | contribs) (I felt bad ;_;)

• 05:36, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Adminning while drunk)

• 05:35, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) resurrected Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs)

Top VFH Competitors

• Humans (12/0)

• F4 (13/0)

• HowTo:Cure homosexuality (11/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week UnBooks:Holmes On Homes (16/0)

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From The Forums

• Vote spam (again)

• Roman Dog Bird

• Unban a bastard or nah?

• Why is it? Well... because..

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UnSignpost News This just in: Don't hit your children.

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Chat Quote

[23:56] <SirPeasewhizz> I'm going to go watch anime

[23:57] <thefakeazned525> Which one?

[23:58] <SirPeasewhizz> Uhm Yugioh GX because I'm feeling nostalgic for shitty card games

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 15 '14 20:14 (UTC)

I SAW YOU

Back here at once! ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 08:13, 17 August 2014 (UTC)

We gave The UnSignpost an enema, so now it's regular!

The UnSignpost

Better sign it.

22 August 2014 • Issue #206 • Archives • Press Room

It's the USP!

By Banzaikitten
Welcome to another no longer sporadic edition of Unsignpost. Yes, the quantity of USP's being written has gone through the roof in the last few weeks and as such there is absolutely nothing to report- hence why people who have previously never written one of these are being roped in. One thing of note that has changed is I am now an admin and as such can block RAHB with impunity. God I love to block RAHB. There is nothing quite like the fizzy rush in the root of your penis and the dizzy thrill you get in your anus when blocking RAHB. I urge all who can to try it.

Banzaikitten warns you that this UnSignpost may change your sexual orientation.

But anyway, I'm an admin now and I'm going to try and be the best admin that I can be, and judging from my recent attempt at changing the featured article, and all the admins reactions to my fuck up, the best admin I can be is one who does absolutely no administration work and just writes the occasional UnNews. Thanks for all your votes.------------

RAHBs Sexuality By Banzaikitten
I know I've already spoken about RAHB but god help me I just can't stop. We all like voting and there is a very important vote occuring right now. You, yes you, could decide what sexuality RAHB is. Come the end of the vote RAHB sexuality will be decided for him and he will have to perform sexual acts of that nature for the rest of time. I'm hoping Ponies wins.

---

Shame on you By the curate

As the curate and the moral compass of this sinful land I must say that I have been appalled at the terrible news that my milkman brought to me. Although I don't remember his exact words, I'll try to reconstruct his speech from my memory, which - and for this I thank God - I am still honored to possess, despite my respectable age.

“ Now, I heard Mr What's-his-name talk to his son about something he heard in the neighbor's house, which I didn't hear, but Mr. What's-his-name-again described it so well that I am positive I can repeat it almost word-by-word. So his neighbor was giving his dog its food and commenced discussing our village's events with it, Mrs. Elizabeth soon became the topic of the conversation, and she, as you know, has a daughter... And a cat. Oh, what a fine Siamese cat! But it is of no relation to our current subject. So e man and his pet chattered on and on and, apparently, that dog ... oh, I mean the man (but, you know, from a distance you really can't tell the difference) uttered that "Mrs. Elizabeth's daughter once read an educational page on the Internet, which talked about homosexuality and how you cure it." And can you guess who the author its author was? Mr. Frosty, the man who lives next door to you! ”

These were the words of the milkman. However, this isn't all. I was not terrified when I heard this, because teaching fellow villagers to cure an abominable disease, which homosexuality certainly is, is a commendable act from Mr. Frosty's part, especially if it was done with no impulse other than to save good Christians.

Alas, I, we have been greatly deceived in our trust! Beware of the appearances, especially when they are found on the unholy Internet!

Ah, wicked men! I, your curate, willing to help your ungrateful souls, decided to try the so-praised advice of Mr. Frosty on myself and proceeded to accomplish it yesterday. I did everything he said to the very last phrase and - I swear by the Holy Grail - it didn't work! Biopic bakpak2hvy is a guy who frequently lurks on our IRC without saying anything. The other day he said something.

---

From The Logs

• 15:59, August 16, 2014 Cat the Colourful (talk | contribs) blocked Chaoarren (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ([22:58] <Chaoarren> Can I get joke banned? :D)

• 15:00, August 15, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked DungeonSiegeAddict510 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (As you aided my quest to take over Uncyclopedia, have a block. I was meant to give this to you earlier but you were already banned for 40 minutes. Have a 1 second extension!)

• 05:57, August 15, 2014 Banzaikitten (talk | contribs) blocked Cat the Colourful (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 seconds (Fuck Finland)

Top VFH Competitors

• Humans (12/1)

• UnDebate:What does the fox say? (13/2)

• Jared Leto (11/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week F4 (13/0)

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From The Forums

• Olipro is a dick-tator.

• Vote for rainbow names?!

• Vote on RAHB's sexuality.

• View this if you're feeling hot.

---

UnSignpost News

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Chat Quote
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> so I wrote the USP kind of
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> its entirely about RAHB
[17:16] <RAHB> Awesome

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 22 '14 2:14 (UTC)

Mr. Snowden

Do you remember how we decided to collaborate on an article about him about a year ago? I wrote the first or the second act (I don't recall which) and you didn't edit the article.

Now, I was just curious about whether it was due to my writing or some other reasons? Because exactly the same thing happened to me three times with three different people. I am seriously considering reconsidering my approach to collaborations. Anton (talk) 19:09, 28 August 2014 (UTC)

Ahahaha, no need to worry. I was on other things and couldn't be bothered in all honesty. It wasn't your writing, but now you've reminded me, I think it's time to start that one up again. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 19:26, 28 August 2014 (UTC)

I would love to, but I am afraid I won't have as much time from now in as I did this summer. Anton (talk) 22:32, 28 August 2014 (UTC)

That's fine. If I remember right, we divided it up so you wrote a section, I wrote a section and than we did one together. So, I'll just do mine and wait until you're good. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 22:36, 28 August 2014 (UTC)

Wait, wait, wait! So many things happened to Snowden since summer 2013, that the least update would require the entire rewrite of what is currently there. Ok, you got me, I'll do that. Anton (talk) 22:46, 28 August 2014 (UTC)

Excellent! I'm glad that we're going to do this. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 22:53, 28 August 2014 (UTC)

So I looked at the three section headings and remembered everything we wanted to do about that article. And updating it doesn't seem as hard as before. How about this plot: Snowden is bored due to lack of scandals and new secret information he can reveal, and decides to spice things up a little. He taps the Chinese minister, but then gets tapped himself. As he is not in the news anymore and has been quite quite lately, the person who is tapping him is just an ordinary agent, who, of course, imagined the job at the NSA to be a lot more exciting. Anton (talk) 22:56, 28 August 2014 (UTC)

I like this. Now that a year has passed it's more relevant and therefore better. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 23:09, 28 August 2014 (UTC)

Ok, I am not done with my act yet, but I soon will be. Here is what I propose to do with the acts: the names and the main events should be the same, in my opinion, but our storyline being different, their order might need to be changed. The first one can be where Snowden talks to his mother (my part), who hasn't received any news from him for a long time, which makes him feel even worse about his situation (explained above). He decides to pass into action, calls Assange, who gives him the idea about the Chinese minister, subsequently tapped by Snowden. This is still not very clear in my head, so, please, tell me what you think!

Meanwhile, if you can't wait for my part, you can start writing yours, disregarding all of my 2013 additions. Was your part about the DVD store? Anton (talk) 16:48, 16 September 2014 (UTC)

I think it's a good idea Anton, as we both know, times have changed and change has timesed. The DVD store was my part and I'm gonna start on it soon, no worries. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 10:46, 27 September 2014 (UTC)

I am sorry I am so slow. I am currently working on another collaboration off-site (it's going to be called UnDebates:Should women rap?) and, also, just recently got back to my computer, where my work on Snowden was saved (I couldn't access it before). Anton (talk) 10:50, 27 September 2014 (UTC)

Yummy!

SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM! -- MagicBus Talk to me! 22:41, 28 August 2014 (UTC)

That's fair enough, I did put up an image of a horse' cumshot, gay fingering and tentacle rape. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 22:45, 28 August 2014 (UTC)

Yup. -- MagicBus Talk to me! 22:48, 28 August 2014 (UTC)

I don't mind if you do more by the way.-- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 22:55, 28 August 2014 (UTC)

Best I could do. -- MagicBus Talk to me! 22:56, 28 August 2014 (UTC)

Ahahaha, okay. You have a lot the learn in the ways of spamming. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 23:07, 28 August 2014 (UTC)

Hahaha, I know. -- MagicBus Talk to me! 23:09, 28 August 2014 (UTC)

OMG! A WILD USP IS ON THE LOOSE!

The UnSignpost

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

7 September 2014 • Issue #207 • Archives • Press Room

Returning MASTERMINDS

By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop throwing tomatoes you assholes! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.

Okay, so what is really going on, you may say? 'I'm about to fucking tell you. Enjoy.

The legendary Xamralco, who pwns.

Did you know that every ten seconds: another ten seconds kicks in? Yeah, mind equals blown right now, eh? Did you know that the return of one legendary user triggers other legendary users to return as well? When Argylesocks returned from his previous state (not Blue Mountain), it only was a matter of time until the legend named MadMax returned from his couple-of-months-long sojourn in the wild country known as Ethiopia. MadMax does not steal the few supplies of food Ethiopia has, you sick fuck! HE HAS A SOUL.

For those who have heard of the legendary Xamralco, he has returned to. He is an admin and a fantastic writer. We love him. You love. YOU LOVE HIM.

Okay? Okay.

Now if anyone sees Dawg, slap him and tell him to come back. And for Olipro... gosh. I can't even.------------

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Biopic For this edition of your favorite paper, the USP, we had the chance to get the Biopic for one of the biggest badasses to ever live. That person/thingy/chatter was auror, whom we found frolicking in our IRC channel one evening.

When we asked auror if she would like to be Biopic'ed (did I spell that right? SPELL CHECK PLS) she gave a powerful speech.

“ no ”

Thank you! Give it up for auror!

---

From The Logs

• 00:54, September 1, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked IlanaZkhfzm (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (user did not suck Leverage's cock as promised)

• 16:02, August 31, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked AleidaJbjo (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (sister did not suck my cock as promised)

• 12:24, August 29, 2014 Kip the Dip (talk | contribs) blocked Electric Pope (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 7 centuries, 4 decades, 8 years, 364 days, 14 hours, 38 minutes and 24 seconds (Annoying douchebag.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Shirley Phelps-Roper (8/0)

• Rape (12/6)

• UnNews:Everyone who hates ice bucket challenge donating money to charity (7/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week Psychedelic Rosie and Her Coat of Many Colors (9/0)

---

From The Forums

• Sir Peasewhizz came up with a great idea apparently, but nobody has replied. So screw his idea.

• Leverage wants people to update/add/fladangle with the DYK shit. Shall we? We should. Maybe. Idk. DO IT.

• Inspiring parody

• UnMedicine project page? Is anyone here a doctor? WELL THEN YOU'RE A NERD!

---

UnSignpost News The USP will be delivered on Sundays now. (or around then)

---

Chat Quote
[17:42] <ColinAYB> Kippy is forever topical

[17:42] <ColinAYB> Just like the lotion he uses when he takes it to the hub.

[17:46] <Kippy> You don't even need to see all the nudity to take it to the hub.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 02:54, 7 September 2014 (UTC)

Unsignpost delivery attempt numbr hideous implosion

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

14 September 2014 • Issue #208 • Archives • Press Room

Pee Review pls

By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop hurling babies at me! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.

It is days like these when I realize what a cruel world we live in. It seems that Pee Review has bitten the dust. For just a few minutes of your day and some cash you can help solve this crisis. Seriously, you hoes.

Piss on my review quests.

Olipro is gay.------------

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Yes, I copied this from the last issue of the USP, you boner goblins. That picture of gold? That was also from the last issue, as well.

---

Uncyclopedia App

By Anton199

There has recently (a certain amount of time before the latest UnSignpost issue) been a lot of talk about creating an Uncyclopedia App as well as an Uncyclospecies. The idea consists in producing and selling the app which will transform all the human beings who use them into Uncyclopedians. The majority of the users (about 50% of those two who really participated) found this idea great (think that it is funny to talk about) and maybe even began working on it (asked someone else to think about it). Nothing else is known about them, as they disappeared soon after the first experiments were held.

The main problem this project has is that, in fact, nobody knows how to create an app. In addition to this, there is no money, as most of it was spent on Ferraris, that were supposed to bring more money but didn't. Finally, some people think that it might be harmful for the environment (nobody cares).

The project is currently being discussed (some users still post random spam on the forum) and with a certain probability the app is going to be created in nearby future (it is never going be to created but some people do think about it). Biopic Alas, an actual Biopic for SEPTEMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Today, the Biopic will be on a man who carries the identity, MrC. He was doing some hardcore crunches while he was surfing the IRC and thus we gained a little more info this is a run on sentence fuk yea murica.

His origin: "Some Uncyclopedians messed around in another channel recently. After hearing all the stories and rumors, I figured I'd like to see for myself."

So when we asked MrC if he could tell us how to get, how to get to Sesame Street, he said "I don't know... bribe Cookie Monster with a cookie?"

There you have it, words of wisdom BOOI!

---

From The Logs

• 22:20, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked LorrineLundy (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Orange is the new black. Welcome to Internet Jail, Lorrine.)

• 22:14, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked CharissSparrow (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Dude, your gay porn name is lame)

• 22:12, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked VictorForest (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Eat my crotch-forest, Victor.)

Top VFH Competitors

• UnNews:Everyone who hates ice bucket challenge donating money to charity (8/1)

• My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection (6/0)

• A letter about Megan Fox (6/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week Shirley Phelps-Roper (9/0)

---

From The Forums

• Piss on these

• Proposal of Changes

• Drugs?

• Allahland...

---

UnSignpost News Hi. This is a lazy edition of the UnSignpost.

---

Chat Quote
[21:46] Star651 has quit (Quit: Page closed)

[21:46] SirPeasewhizz: NOOOOO

[21:46] SirPeasewhziz: BAE

Brace Yourselves, The UnSignpost is Coming!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

21 September 2014 • Issue #209 • Archives • Press Room

IMPERIAL COLONIZATION OR NAH? By Sir Peasewhizz

SUCK MY ASSSS!

Previously, in the past, Uncyclopedia has done a project called Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization, which mimics is a battle against crap-quality articles. We recently have finished the colonization of Albert Einstein, because fuck we didn't need a good article on him before amiright?

Anyways I'm telling you this because it would be soooo sweet if we could get this running again... and I kinda need Xamralco or any other admin to combine histories again because I just found out I shouldn't have moved the project myself...------------

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins. (third issue in a row)

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Wow a third week of using the same entry in a row? GEEZ.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!

---

From The Logs

• 13:13, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked WolfganKix (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Wolfgan's arse is going to get Kix if he doesn't stop making accounts here.)

• 13:12, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked JanetteMelton (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (You brought your girlfriend with you? How sweet. She can fuck off too once she's tossed me off.)

• 13:11, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked AndreBecker (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (OMG A SPAMBOT! I've missed seeing you around man. Where you been these past few days? It's been so emotional. Okay, emotional reunion is over. Now fuck off.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Antibiotics (9/0)

• My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection (9/0)

• Firesheep (8/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week Ludwig Wittgenstein (9/0)

---

From The Forums

• Enter On This day submissions, plz.

• Mobile issues

• Sorry, I don't speak Cuntenese. (Bot rights or something)

• Mass massaging messaging can now be used by the admins!!

---

UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.

---

Chat Quote
[15:07] bakpak2hvy is edible.

[15:07] TheFakeazneD525 chews on bakpak2hvy

My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection

You voted for My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection on VFH and it was featured so I guess I can give you one of my cards. Put it in a safe place. It's in mint condition.

Thanks for your vote! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:22, 21 September 2014 (UTC)

Sydney

What didn't you like about the article? I can polish any parts you aren't satisfied with. --Nikau (talk) 03:16, 23 September 2014 (UTC)

Mainly the history section. It seems like the part where you would expect the most information but there isn't a whole lot there. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 10:43, 27 September 2014 (UTC)

VFD

Why are you deleting your articles, some of which are pretty funny (Latvia)? --Nikau (talk) 12:48, 23 September 2014 (UTC)

I'm a self hating twat in all honesty. That's about the size of it. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 14:57, 23 September 2014 (UTC)

It's probably easier just to userspace them and polish them there if you get an idea.--17:01, 23 September 2014 (UTC)\

Nikau, you forgot to sign your username. -- MagicBus Talk to me! 17:16, 23 September 2014 (UTC)

MagicBus, you forgot your manners. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 17:29, 23 September, 2014 (UTC)

I've got friends who are usernames so I can do that, man.--Nikau (talk) 17:59, 23 September 2014 (UTC) Nikau (talk)

I never thought of that, thanks a lot -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 18:22, 23 September 2014 (UTC)

Usernames are my only friends. --ShabiDOO 01:18, 24 September 2014 (UTC)

The USP is coming for you! (and your little dog too)

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

28 September 2014 • Issue #210 • Archives • Press Room

Incoming October bullshit

By Sir Peasewhizz
So apparently, October follows September. As we all know, Halloween follows September. This means that I get to make a suggestion, amirite?

So I was thinking long and hard one day (which was literally five minutes not twenty-four hours) about something cool we could do for Halloween this year. No, I don't mean egg your neighbor's house... I was thinking maybe we could feature something on Halloween?

Okay yes, I know this is something we basically do every year, and I know you are reading this preparing to accuse me of filling space... and you'd be right.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!

---

From The Logs

• 12:34, September 25, 2014 Colin "All your base" Heaney (talk | contribs) blocked Banzaikitten (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour and 9 minutes (You're like the Grinch, except it's your cock that's three sizes too small.)

• 14:35, September 24, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked 173.213.80.213 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Your free trial of Uncyclopedia has expired.)

• 07:05, September 24, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked JessieTedesco (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (fuck Jessie Tedesco, he gets his clothes from Tecso)

Top VFH Competitors

• Nouvelle cuisine (10/0)

• HowTo:Fry an egg (9/0)

• Firesheep (9/1)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week UnNews:Obama to outline IS strategy after consulting Stonehenge gods (10/0)

---

From The Forums

• Which one of you heathens killed Pee Review?

• Here is where you tell about your new articles.

• Vote on this, it's not getting attention.

• Don't smoke the dope, kids.

---

UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.

---

Chat Quote
<ColinAYB> Actually his lips did sink ships

<ColinAYB> In the sense that he sucked e

Shabidoo's Celestial Objects informal competition...

Dance the mash bro!

...is on this year. I hope you participate again Last Year's Day's of the week competiton. First come first serve. --ShabiDOO 02:54, 29 September 2014 (UTC)

After the brilliance that was last year, I am so in. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 06:52, 29 September 2014 (UTC)

Competition starts NOW! You have a week. Go here to pick your topic.

Hey. Extending the competition by three days (giving you over three and a half days to get an article ready). :) --ShabiDOO 08:01, 8 October 2014 (UTC)

Guess what?

	Writer of the Month September 2014

You couldn't guess this, could you? Congratulations! A great award to a great writer! Anton (talk) 17:22, 3 October 2014 (UTC)

Several things

• UnNews:Interview with You is a very promising piece. I'll be glad to help you improve on it, and I have already made a few edits.
• UnDebate:Should women rap? is done (could you, please, vote for or against it on VFH, by the way?) and so I am proceeding to Snowden. You can check out what I have already written! Anton (talk) 18:24, 4 October 2014 (UTC)

You can help out on any piece of my writing, and I'll be thankful for your assistance. I always liked UnNews:Interview with You but it was missing something you can hopefully add. I shall vote of course, and I did indeed like what you did with Snowden. Carry on carrying! -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 23:44, 4 October 2014 (UTC)

Thanks! I will. Anton (talk) 13:36, 5 October 2014 (UTC)

Excuse me, sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, the USP?

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

5 October • Issue #211 • Archives • Press Room

Uncyclopedia's preparations for Ebola By Sir Peasewhizz

Gross.

As we all know, a Texan man has brought the Ebola virus to the United States of America. And as country, we are all freaking out. Even Obama, who never freaks out, has freaked out. He now refuses to kiss Michelle because he has become a germophobe.

Anywho, we here at Uncyclopedia have determined that Ebola can be avoided by simple measures. We encourage everyone to wash their hands, especially after ferocious masturbation. Remember kids, diseases come for hookers. So stay away from hookers as well.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it again!

---

From The Logs

• 12:34, September 25, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked 178.137.80.72 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (dickery)

• 15:07, September 28, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked 23.231.7.217 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (The Maitri Inthusut has ordered us to block editing permanently for all residents of the Phuket Province.)

• 13:39, September 28, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked Leanna Hollway (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (she wouldn't go the "holl way" with me)

Top VFH Competitors

• White-haired Asian Scientist (8/0)

• Bluestocking (8/1)

• Aries (6/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week Firesheep (10/1)

---

From The Forums

• Which one of you heathens killed Pee Review?

• Here is where you tell about your new articles.

• Vote on this, it's not getting attention.

• No more silly rules

---

UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has begun.

---

Chat Quote
<Denza252> ephemey: am i trololololololing?

dicks lol: It's UnSignpost time!

The UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

19 October • Issue #212 • Archives • Press Room

Hi

By Sir Peasewhizz
Do u think we should cancel the USP

Anyone

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it againnn!

---

From The Logs

• 02:04, October 12, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) resurrected Xamralco (talk | contribs) (I have frostbite on my nipples.)

• 01:58, October 12, 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked Xamralco (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 years, 6 hours, 32 minutes and 24 seconds (Obligatory retaliation ban)

• 01:46, October 12, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 seconds (Obligatory welcome back block)

Top VFH Competitors

• Richard M. Nixon (8/0)

• Why?:Eat a full English Breakfast (8/0)

• Antiques Road Rage Show (8/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week UnDebate:Should women rap? (10/0)

---

From The Forums

• FFW2014

• FFW2014 (for pussies)

• That time I nearly sojourned on a village dump or a short and repetitive story about what it's like to read short and repetitive articles

• This gay forum about renaming the site... PISS ON THIS

---

UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has ended.

---

Chat Quote None

Solar flares

You helped to get solar flares featured. As a reward, here's a dope picture of a solar flare. You can totally make it your desktop background or something.

Thanks for your vote! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 01:06, 23 October 2014 (UTC)

The UnSignpost is back, baby! (And also a little bit of front)

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

9 November • Issue #213 • Archives • Press Room

Donate your soul to Uncyclopedia!

By Sir Peasewhizz
Before time began there was the cube. Wait, hold on... yeah wrong script. Okay, let's start again. Before the internet was cool, there was no Uncyclopedia. This is because before Uncyclopedia was a website, there was this awful site for information that anybody could edit called Wikipedia. There was also catfishes and cocks.

That all changed back in 2005. When Uncyclopedia was established/founded/spawned/born/emerged/created, the internet took off. Not literally, but metaphorically... or something. The fact remains that the world, with the introduction of Unyclopedia, began to gain faith in the internet. The Amish began to use electricity after Uncyclopedia was established!

And our legacy could fade away; not unlike my basketball trick shot.

All jokes aside, Uncyclopedia may be content-free, as one could say, but it is not free to run. Uncyclopedia runs on a server and this requires money. We don't mean like the billions Obama requires, but it still needs a bit of money to be a legendary thing.

How does Wikipedia stay up then? Well, we're not Wikipedia. We're run by no employees and we're instead run by dedicated users who spend their time editing/fucking with the site that they love. Uncyclopedia is nearly ten years old, so it's not like the joy of "uncyclopediating" isn't real. It's in the Webster Dictionary.

Not every one is rich either, in fact, we're all kinda bland. Money doesn't grow on trees. Now we're not gonna hold you for ransom and we sure as hell aren't going to guilt you into donating to our cause... but think about the children that would starve without us!

Basically, read more about it here. Thanks for your time.

If you can't donate, don't. We won't force you to do something we can't ourselves.

And another thing you could do besides donate is spread the word or buy something from our store.

Anyone

Biopic You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it!

---

From The Logs

• 05:54, November 7, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked DickSankthptxd with an expiry time of infinite (talk | contribs) (his dick sank)

• 22:48, October 29, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked 50.115.173.177 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (made me read some gay book)

• 15:45, October 29, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked Zficysll (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Why bother trying to spam Uncyclopedia? If you're as good with girls as you are at hitting abuse filters then I'm sure you'll have no problem getting laid.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Dag Hammarskjöld (8/0)

• UnNews:Wrestlemania 87 commentary LIVE! (10/2)

• Electricity (8/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week President Hoover (11/1)

---

From The Forums

• Comeback of the Year

• Read about donating here.

• Parody of Wikipedia banner

• Someone who is good with WikiStats should look here.

---

UnSignpost News Donate to Uncyclopedia if you can.

---

Chat Quote None.

Re-feature queue

You can also pick one article that you wrote yourself to re-feature if you'd like. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 18:16, 17 November 2014 (UTC)

UnNews

Thanks for taking care of the template, nice UnNews you wrote, I liked it! :) I just wonder, "Multicutralism" must be a typo? Mattsnow 23:09, 21 November 2014 (UTC)

No problem and thanks a lot, it was good to write an UnNews again. And thanks for pointing out my error too, it was a typo. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 23:23, 21 November 2014 (UTC)

An UnNews is sort of a flash orgasm, it just pops up in your mind :P Mattsnow 23:33, 21 November 2014 (UTC)

Ahaha, that's definitely one way to think of it. I just couldn't resist an attempt to put down Christianity. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 23:53, 21 November 2014 (UTC)

That's what fun with Uncy, you can express any opinion and put down anything :) You always have the excuse to say it's a joke :P Mattsnow 23:57, 21 November 2014 (UTC)

Yeah, seriously, thanks for that. I've been off my game lately, and I apologize to everyone for not updating it for.. *checks history* ..three weeks?! Jesus, I suck. -- Thankful Kippy Share blessings Bountiful harvest 03:26, Nov. 25, 2014

UnNews:Interview with You

Yes! I am done with it! We just need a few more images, and then it can even go to VFH, don't you think? Anton (talk) 08:00, 4 December 2014 (UTC)

My dear Sir, after your kind invitation, I might have taken too much liberty with the page that was product of your imagination and typing. Please forgive me: when I am working on something, no matter, what, I start considering it partly mine and so I understand that my edits can seem too obtrusive or out-of-concept. Another reason was that this is the first bad-taste article I've put my soul into and thus needed to calm a relatively honest man's scruples and justify what I was doing, by adding a philosophical concept behind it. What I am getting to is, please, don't consider my additions as final and remove anything you don't want there: from Eminem's quote to entire blocks of text or images! I would just love to see this page at a level of a so-called 'feature'. Anton (talk) 16:53, 5 December 2014 (UTC)

christmas asian

Vocals are trickling in (from all over the world) but the more the merrier. Would you be willing/able? you would be the token asian person on the track. Leverage (talk) 21:39, 8 December 2014 (UTC)

Vote, Vote, Vote

It's that time of the year again! We're going to be showing off our Top Ten Articles of 2014 soon but so far, very few people have voted. It's all up to you to decide what's the best of the best! Go to Forum:Top 10 Articles of 2014 and vote now! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:21, 30 January 2015 (UTC)

Thanks for voting for Nothing's syndrome!

Spread the word! ~EveryOtherUsernameWasTaken(dtf?) 17:39, 25 February 2015 (UTC)

IFY

Are you back??? Anton (talk) 13:57, 7 August 2015 (UTC)

You Complete Asshole!

Oh...

You need to archive this page. Don't you know how yet?

The Adoption Graduation Awards within an Award!

Pie Award This user has been a good Uncyclopedian, and therefore gets pie. KEEP YOUR GRUBBY HANDS OFF IT! This user has graduated from the adoption program! Kudos! from Zana Dark. I'm so proud of you, my little nooblet. Run. Be free. And for Sophia's sake, take these legacy awards with you. Awarded on: AJTA/D

Did you want these at some point?~Formerly Annoying Crap 21:41, 14 October 2015

Remember when people used to be active at least once a year?

Kevin Spacey and Brad Pit in the same movie lol

Super awesome happy "Seven deadly sins" competition where Shabidoo will win and everyone else colapses into suicidal depression fun week!!! SIGN UP!!! ShabiDOO 14:20, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

Vote, Please?

Happy Monkey Competition 2021

Hey its HAPPY MONKEY TIME 2021 (Feb 21-28). Your favourite writing competition where we write articles on one another's suggested topics. Go ahead and sign up because the more users we have competiting the more ridonculously fun it is. If you don't wanna write you can sign up to judge! Sing up here. Remember it's not about writing a sure fire VFH article, but pushing the limits of your originality and creativity and spitting out an article on a topic you had never thought about writing before. Also...Shabidoo will love you forever and owe you like a zillion favours for it. He will literally do anything to please you if it means you participate. Happy Monkey Farts!!! ShabiDOO 15:30, 10 February 2021 (UTC)

UnSignpost Home Delivery for May 1st, 2021

The UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

1 May 2021 • Issue #215 • Archives • Press Room

Most Active Admin Gets Promoted to Bureaucrat, Transitions to Female By Cassie

Following an incredible (by 2021 Uncyclopedian standards) 16 VFS votes, Uncyclopedia's most active administrator has initiated their transition to female. Said admin, now known publicly as Cassie, has had a talk page that often inflated by 80,000 bytes or more weekly, and singlehandedly managed a vast variety of things, including (but not limited to): vandal whipping, being the school principal, managing VFH, and more.
"Vandalism, eh? Fuck off already," they said, whilst throwing bags of feces at our new dumpyard.------------

Vote for Sandwiches: Triple Resignation, Quintuple the Drama By Cassie
Following the resignation of two of our longtimemost bureaucrats, EMC and Zombiebaron, in addition to the resignation of admin CandidToaster, a new wave rejuvenated much of the now-ancient television show Vote for Sandwiches. MrX and Hipponias quickly climbed the ranks; Shabidoo received the same treatment, but ultimately withdrew. Zana Dark and JJPMaster were both nominated for a new category, interface operator, instead of the traditional sandwich role granted.

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Uncyclopedia's Technologies are Finally Modernized By Cassie
it has been a long time in the making, but Uncyclopedia's editing technologies have finally been optimized for the new decade. An introduction of a new extended-confirmed protection level has enabled famous articles, such as AAAAAAAAA!, to see the light of commoners' editing again. Utilities such as Huggle, RedWarn, CurateThisPage, autoarchiving, and a lot more has been implemented thanks to JJPMaster. Many gnomes have been working on this; as such, please treat their work with respect! Biopic This edition's biopic is about the joy of templating. Templating is a fine art which can be practiced on Uncyclopedia, its parody Wikipedia, and so many other places. It can furthermore be expanded to "module coding", which produces the same stuff albeit in a much more efficient and dynamic way. Come try templating now!

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From The Logs

• 1 May 2021 Cassie renamed user Redacted (8224 edits) to Cassie (Per message here)

• 10 April 2021‎ JJPMaster (38 bytes) (-13)‎ . . (Reverting edit(s) by Gale5050 (talk) to rev. 6045969 by Celeste:shhhhhhhhhhh (RW 16.1dev))

• 22 February 2021 Cassie blocked JJPMaster with an expiration time of 4 hours and 20 minutes (account creation disabled) (You [[Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit

Top VFH Competitors

• User:Zombiebaron/Resignation (9/2)

• UnNews:As Bernie Sanders starts his second term, we reflect on his Presidency so far (5.5/4)

• Patent nonsense on Wheels! (1/2.5)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week COVID-19 (6/1)

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From The Forums

• We are still learning how to count. Albeit much faster.

• Gale5050.

• There is nothing to worry about! Right?

• Gale5050 again. Or not.

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UnSignpost News Following 1.5+ years of hiatus, Cassie has taken the lead, in a unilateral albeit undramatic manner, and has designated themselves as the lead editor of the UnSignpost.

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Chat Quote Supergeeky1: Boner.

Care to explain

What the fuck is this?

It's beginning to look a lot like…

See you next year! The first annual *Kiss My Ass* Holiday Competition has officially ended for 2021

Up for grabs is the coveted Clark Griswold Award for Holiday Cheer. Who will be crowned Holiday Victor?

Judgement day is upon ye!

Seasons Greetings!

It's that special time of year. A wonderful time for friends and family to rejoice in gaiety. Not you! You usually spend all of your hard-earned money on gifts for them, and now you just want to hibernate until your finances recuperate. Well, here at Uncyclopedia, entering our newest competition won't cost you a penny — Sign Up Today! (pretty please)  –     (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 13:34, 13 December 2021