UnNews:Syrup thieves caught
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
22 April 2013
LANARK COUNTY, Ontario -- Four thieves who stole the biggest ever recorded load of maple syrup have finally been caught after nine days on the run after their train was delayed.
On April 13 a four-man group, armed with assault rifles and led by Canadian Stephen Deid, 36, who masterminded the whole plan, hijacked a ship and made away with 200 kilos (440 lb) of maple syrup with a street value of 200 million Canadian dollars (US $18).
Toronto police department's syrup division immediately launched one of the city's biggest ever operations. It finally paid dividends yesterday when police officers Quintin Westford, 39, and Roger Fullson, 56, were able to gain access to the warehouse where all the syrup had been stockpiled.
Police sources today that the thieves had already begun supplying it to famous Hollywood-based Canadians such as William Shatner, Celine Dion, Dan Aykroyd and James Cameron, who were so desperate for the authentic taste of their dear homeland that they paid the gang in naked photos.
"I didn't know what I was getting into," said Aykroyd. "Not for the first time, my lust for syrup has clouded my judgement."
Unfortunately for the celebrities the pictures are all over the internet now, including images of Dion and a moose in a compromising position, Shatner in full dress uniform waving a maple leaf without using his hands, and one of Cameron that fart fetishist Danny Brown described as "pushing the envelope".
